warnings: smut, pnv, unprotected sex (DO NOT DO), gbf, make up sex, not proofread.
enjoy!!
you knew chris had a girl best friend. it had gotten out of hand. i mean, he gave more attention to her than he did you, and yall had been dating for 4 years.
they met in high school, art class. she was a 5â3 blond girl and she was the type to get anyone she wanted.
then you walked into the same class. they stayed friends but chris knew he was going to be with you eventually.
fast forward to now. you guys are in a healthy relationship and everything was perfect. except her. she knew when to push the boundaries. today was one of those days.
you walked in to your shared apartment. took your bag and sat it down on the counter. med school was kicking your ass while he was home all day.
the second you walked in, you heard giggles from the living room. you took a couple steps just to see him and his girl best friend together. her in his lap, his arms around her waist, laughing together. they didnt notice you standing there at first but in the heat of the moment, you walked straight past them and right up the stairs.
chris noticed you then, pushing her off of him and running after you. âbaby wait i- i can explainâ
you ignore him and reach your room, quickly grabbing a suitcase and throwing clothes into it. chrisâs face falls. he starts panicking. âbags for what? your not leaving are you?â
you still dont answer. he grabs your arm, stopping you from grabbing anything else. âwhat the fuck was that chris?â you say.
âshes having problems with her boyfriend, and she needed support.â
File this under âsave your best for the finaleâ⊠I think my favorite moments from the tour were the acoustic surprises. So I went back into the studio with Max and Shellback to record acoustic/unplugged versions of a few of the Showgirl songs with brand new vocals and production! Cannot WAIT for you to hear:
â€ïžâđ„ Life Is A Song Acoustic Version with âOpalite (Life Is A Song Acoustic Version)â and âRuin the Friendship (My Advice Version)â
â€ïžâđ„ Dressing Room Rehearsal Version with âWi$h Li$t (Settled Down Acoustic Version)â and âThe Life of a Showgirl (Dressing Room Rehearsal Acoustic Version)â
â€ïžâđ„ Alone In My Tower Acoustic Version with âThe Fate of Ophelia (Alone In My Tower Acoustic Version)â and âEldest Daughter (Now Youâre Home Acoustic Version)â
â€ïžâđ„ So Glamorous Cabaret Version with âElizabeth Taylor (So Glamorous Cabaret Version)â and Elizabeth Taylor (Original Songwriting Voice Memo)
Four limited CD releases each including two acoustic bonus tracks on my site now for 24 hours while supplies last.
store.taylorswift.com
Album Producers: Max Martin, Shellback and Taylor Swift
đž: TAS Rights Management
No pressure tags for some friends: @sturncoast @bernardsbloopers @chriss-slutt @sabprincess @outersbanksgirly @nialler-lover @danisblurbs and anyone else who wants to join đ
tysm for the tag @pepsipoet! this is soo cute, and I need this sleepover to happen like now bc that pic of matt makes me absolutely feral. I tag (no pressure at all) @mattsmoth @vecnas-vecnussy @55sturn @angelicchris @spookysturnz and anyone else who wants to do it, if you do i'd love to see it!
making friends on tiktok is so annoying. i literally was talking to this guys for 2 weeks and he blocked me because i didnât respond wuick enough (keep in mind- he had kept me on seen for 3 days straight) like cmon. and now he is trying to play me as the victim
in which . . . you and matt are exes who never fully got over each other. riding the subway alone one rainy night, memories of him haunt you at every turn, every corner. until you unexpectedly run into him.
warnings . . . angst, (slightly unresolved?) smut, fingering, unprotected sex, kissing, dirty talk, arguing in public, emotional distress, struggles of getting over a past relationship.
written by @delilahsturniolo. do not copy, steal, or modify my works. if you are taking any inspiration from this, please ask me first before posting and credit me in your description. happy reading! :)
youâve been avoiding the subway for months.
ever since matt, you take buses when you can, you walk even if it means your feet ache, you call overpriced rideshares just to spare yourself the way your chest caves in whenever you hear the screech of steel against steel. the subway used to be yours and his, something that belonged to both of you in a way no one else would understand. every late-night ride after a party, every early morning when you were barely awake and leaning on his shoulder, every in-between when the city blurred past and you laughed with him.
and then he left, or you left, or maybe you both broke apart at the same time and pretended it was someone elseâs fault. tonight you donât have a choice. the rainâs been pouring for hours, every street choked with traffic, and youâre tired, so tired, and the subway is the fastest way home. you almost donât make it down the stairs, your chest tightens the second the humid station air hits you. but you force yourself forward. headphones in. head down. if you keep moving, maybe the memories wonât catch you.
but of course, they do.
you see him everywhere. in the man holding onto the same silver pole matt used to lean on with his fingers drumming. in the way the lights flicker above your head, reminding you of the time he pulled you into his chest during a blackout on the train. in the teenagers laughing in the corner, echoing the way he used to make you laugh so hard you cried.
you grip the metal bar tighter and stare at the dirty floor. donât think about him. donâtâ
âhey.â
the voice is low. too familiar. it slices through the hum of the train and burrows straight into your spine. you whip your head up and your stomach drops. heâs right there. matt. he looks the same and nothing like the same all at once. hair a little longer, curling at his temple. hoodie damp from the rain, a bag slung carelessly over his shoulder. heâs staring at you like he doesnât know if he should smile or run, and you canât breathe because youâve spent months preparing for this moment and none of it matters. âyouâve got to be kidding me,â you mutter, mostly to yourself, but his lips twitch.
âwasnât expecting to see you here either.â your chest aches at the sound of his voice. rough, edged, but familiar in a way that makes your ribs hurt. âyeah, well. i wasnât expecting toâŠever see you.â the words are sharper than you mean them to be, but he flinches anyway.
you turn your head away, trying to focus on the blur of tunnels through the window, but he doesnât move. he comes closer, gripping the pole across from you. youâre trapped in his orbit again, the air between you electric and too hot. âyou still take the subway?â he asks, almost casual, but thereâs a bite under it.
ânot really,â you whisper. ânot sinceâŠâ you trail off, not giving him the satisfaction of hearing his own name tied to your ache. but he knows. of course he knows. for a minute, itâs just the screech of the tracks and the thud of your pulse. then he exhales, low and frustrated.
âwhy are you acting like iâm some ghost?â
that makes you laugh bitterly. âyou are a ghost. you haunt everything, matt. every song, every street corner, everyââ you choke on your words, blinking fast, because you refuse to cry here, in front of him, on this disgusting train. his jaw tightens, and his voice drops lower. âyou think youâre not everywhere for me too?â
the silence that follows is unbearable. youâre pressed against opposite poles, yet it feels like youâre inches away, drowning in everything unsaid. ânext stop,â the announcement crackles, and your heart races. the doors slide open and youâre moving before you know it, storming off the subway and onto the platform just to breathe, to escape. but of course, he follows. the station air is damp and heavy. you spin on your heel, glaring at him.
âstop following me.â
âstop running from me.â
âyou donât get to say that! you left, matt! you made it impossible for me toââ your voice cracks, anger melting into something rawer. âyou donât get to just show up and pretend like none of it happened.â he steps closer, eyes burning into yours. âiâm not pretending. iâve been living with it every single day.â
âthen whyââ your throat closes. âwhy didnât you fight for me?â the question hangs there, dangerous, trembling. matt swallows hard, his chest rising and falling. âbecause i thought you didnât want me anymore.â the station feels too small, too loud, and youâre trembling with anger and longing and something you canât push down anymore.
and then his hand is on your jaw, rough and desperate, and he kisses you. itâs messy, furious, full of months of silence and hurt. your lips crash against his like youâre trying to kill him and save him at the same time. you shove at his chest but youâre pulling him closer, and he groans into your mouth like heâs been starved.
when he pulls back, youâre both breathing hard, foreheads pressed together. âcome with me,â he murmurs, not even a question. you know you should say no. you should walk away, finally rip yourself free. but you donât, of course you donât. you canât.
your body betrays you, and you follow him out of the station, up into the rain, down streets you remember, the walk is only a couple minutes, until you enter his apartment complex, it feels like you blink, and suddenly youâre standing in front of his apartment door.
the second it shuts behind you, heâs on you again. hands in your hair, mouth hot and wet against yours. you stumble backwards, hitting the wall, gasping his name. âfuck, i missed you,â he groans, lips trailing down your neck. youâre clawing at his hoodie, yanking it over his head, desperate to feel him again. his skin is warm, familiar, and your chest aches with every touch.
he pushes you toward the bedroom, shedding clothes on the way, and by the time you fall back on his sheets, youâre already undone. his mouth is everywhere. your jaw, your neck, your collarbone, and when his hand slides under your waistband, you gasp, arching into him.
âstill know how to make you fall apart,â he whispers against your skin, smug but reverent, like heâs worshipping and taunting at once. âshut up,â you hiss, but your voice breaks when he moves your panties to the side and slides his fingers inside you, curling just right, just the way he used to. and you bite your lip to keep from moaning his name too loud.
he smirks, kissing you again, sliding his tongue in your mouth, swallowing your sounds. you grab at him blindly, pulling him closer, needing more. âmatt, pleaseââ he groans at the sound, dragging his cock against your thigh, stroking himself a few times, heâs hard and aching. âfuck, you donât even know what you do to me.â
the desperation between you is unbearable as he lines himself up to your entrance, and when he finally slides inside of you, a sensation you remember all too well, itâs like coming home and being torn apart all at once. you cling to him, nails digging into his back, and he buries his face in your neck, groaning your name like a prayer. âohâoh fuckâyes mattââ you moan.
every thrust inside you is messy, frantic, like youâre trying to erase the months apart, rewrite history with sweat and gasps. you kiss him through it, bite his lip, cry against his mouth, and he whispers over and over, âi missed you, i missed you, i missed you.â
your orgasm triggers his own. youâre left trembling, and he follows with a low, broken moan and sigh of your name, collapsing against you. the room is quiet except for your ragged breaths. and suddenly the weight of it all crashes back.
youâre lying in his bed, your bodies tangled, his hand still gripping your waist like heâs afraid youâll vanish. you should get up. you should leave. but you donât. god, of course you fucking donât.
instead you stare at the ceiling, tears burning in your eyes, and whisper, âthis doesnât fix anything.â matt presses a kiss to your temple, voice rough. âi know. but itâs a start.â you sigh deeply. heâs got a way of making you fall apart for him, come back to him. all because of the subway that keeps bringing you both back together.
âč. Ę to all the boys iâve loved before Ę.âč
chapter seven.
‷đđËâ summary: after the breakup with you and chris, things only seem to go downhill that winter break. videos that shouldnât be taken are spread throughout the school, so what happens when you get back to school?
‷đđËâ warnings: angst, cursing, brief mentions of death, greif, and sex, idkkkâŠ
there it was. the phone illuminating your face was showing you and chris from another perspective, your lips locked and arms around each other in the hot tub on the ski trip, followed up by a text message that says:
ây/n!! is this you??â
oh fuck no. your feel your blood curdle and your face go pale. your first actual kiss, documented in a ridiculing way without your knowledge. it looks like the two of you went further due to how chris had his hands on you, and the way it was recorded, but you didnât. you know you didnât go further with him. if anything, he probably went further with gen ten minutes after that.
even though something potentially threatening to your sisterly bond just happened, you make a beeline for margotâs room. sheâs older, sheâs more mature, and she knows what to do. margot always knows what to do.
you stand in the doorway, a petrified look on your face. she looks up at you as she unpacks some of her stuff, and you let out a soft whine.
âiâm busy.â
âmargot, please. i need help.â you beg desperately.
you sit down in your room to show her the video and explain everything. you tell her nothing happened, and your suspicions on who took the video. gen. gen took it, obviously. after analyzing the video and letting it replay multiple times, margot sighs.
âwell, youâre completely covered up, we can only see your back. if you had been tagged in this, it couldâve been anyone. itâs worse for chris than it is for you.â she explains, and you let out another whine and lay back, holding a pillow.
âitâs never worse for guys⊠fuck, how could i let this happen? iâm so stupid!â you exclaim, letting your head fall back against your headboard. you had no control over this, and no say. if you left a comment saying to take it down, they wouldnât listen. gen, she wouldnât listen. gen was for sure the one who posted the video. the perspective? the slight snicker in the background that could only be caught with the volume up high or headphones in? it was evil. it was gen. your throat and chest ached and felt heavy, this was all because of your stupid kiss with stupid chris.
âhey, girl, weâre gonna fix this. gimme the pillow, câmon.â margot calmly says, taking the pillow and pulling you back up so youâre closer to her.
âi know youâre only being nice to me because i accidentally made a sex tape and you feel badâŠâ you sulk, and she sighs and shakes her head.
âi do feel bad for you, but also i donât understand why you never told me this was happening in the first place.â
âi thought youâd hate me!â
âi could never hate you, youâre my sister. but when i heard what peter said, i thought you were trying to like, get with josh or something.â
âhow could you think that? iâd never do that.. youâre my sister.â
âyou wouldnât even facetime me. what was i supposed to think?â
it goes quiet, and you feel tears well up and sting in your eyes. âi just, iâŠâ you trial off, trying to find words. âi was lying to everyone in my life, and i knew i couldnât lie to youâŠâ
âi thought you didnât need me anymore..â margot lets out a sigh, and her hand comfortingly makes its way to your back, almost making you forget that youâre broken up with chris.
âare you serious? look what happened when youâre not here! i accidentally made a sex tape, and im still a virgin.â you huff out a laugh, lightening the mood. margot laughs softly and then shakes her head.
âcome hereâŠâ she mumbles, wrapping her arms around you. you quickly reciprocated the hug, a hug was really what you needed right now. badly. due to the guilty feeling from the video and the dread of breaking up with chris, you were hurting. even if chris and you werenât a real relationship, it was clear he felt some type of way towards you.
you look up from over margotâs shoulder, and thatâs when you see kitty standing in the doorway. you sigh and roll your eyes.
âhow long have you been there?â
ânot longâŠâ she trails off and then sighs. âlong.â
âokay, letâs make a pact. no more secrets between us.â margot says, and you nod in agreement. secrets is what started this whole mess. kitty looks up guiltily and sighs before she starts talking again.
âi have a secretâŠâ her words die out as she stares at you and margotâs inquisitive eyes. âi sent the letters.â
those words make you go rigid. kitty? kitty sent out your most prized possessions. for what reason? your face drops and you stare at her dead in the eyes.
âiâm gonna kill you.â
âno, y/n sheâs just a kidââ margot says, and you leap forward and chase after kitty around your room as she scrambles to find a good explanation. you pick up a toy lightsaber from your childhood and chase her around the room.
âyou were so lonely and i could tell chris liked you! i thought you would never do anything about it andââ she hides behind a chair, and you wrap your fingers around the back and lift it up, and she quickly gets up and runs over the bed into the closet.
âso you sent five letters?â
âi thought five chances at a boyfriend was better odds! i miss having chris over for dinner-â she whines, and margot closes the closet door behind kitty as you try to push her away.
âalright! geez, give me the lightsaber, anakin. look, kittyâs logic was off, but her heart was in the right place.â margot states, and you huff angrily.
âher face is gonna be in the wrong placeââ
ây/n, before you murder our sister, could i just ask you a question? if you didnât want them sent out, why the fuck did you address them?â margot asks, and that makes you stop⊠hm. maybe a part of you did want them to see itâŠ
âitâs not like i added a stamp.â you defiantly grumble.
âcan you maybe admit that some part of you doesnât want everything in your life to be a fantasy?â margot clocks, and you sigh and stare at the ground, letting out a soft âmaybe.â âso, if i can forgive you for writing my boyfriend a love letter, do you you think you can forgive kitty for sending them?â margot slowly opens the door to reveal a bewildered kitty, standing there and staring at you with a scared smile.
ââŠyou owe me braid crowns for the rest of your life.â
âoh thank goodness⊠i was hoping to make it to seventh grade.
it didnât really feel like christmas knowing your hot tub escapades with chris had gone viral. of course, margot still knew what to do and anonymously emailed instagram to have the unfortunately known video taken down under CP laws. you couldnât believe you had unintentionally dabbled in porn before losing your virginity⊠itâs been such a strange year.
margot hands you your phone after emailing instagram, and she smiles at you. âthere you go! youâre officially PG-13 again.â you take the phone from her hand, and she had turned it off. you turn the phone back on, and there was your lockscreen. you and chris laying together on your couch, his left cheek and your right cheek pressed together and your smiles dreamy and wide. you let out a soft sigh and shake your head.
âi guess i should change my wallpaperâŠâ
âyou could. or you could talk to him.â
before you know it, it was new yearâs eve. your life was a complete mess, but⊠you could clean your room.
you put some headphones on and turn on your favorite artist and start cleaning. you put things away, fold clothes and put some in hampers, find shirts you thought youâd lost, throw away trash, vacuum, make your bedâ
all of a sudden, your dad knocks on your door and you pause your music and take off your headphones.
âhey⊠wanna go for a drive?â he asks sweetly.
before you know it, youâre sitting across from your dad in the diner. the diner. the diner that started everything with chris, the diner you both had your first real deep conversation, the diner chris would take you to have you help him study, but now you were here with your dad. your dad looks over at the somehow intact mini jukebox on the table, and he turns on âeverybody wants to rule the worldâ by tears for fears. the intro plays softly and your dad smiles.
âyou know, your mom and i used to come here all the time when we were dating.â your dad says, messing with a straw wrapper as the two of you wait for your late night breakfast.
âreally? thatâs cute..â
âsheâd play this song.. and as soon as it was over, sheâd repeat it. sheâd also get up and dance around the aisles, right by everyone eating.â he snickers softly, and you canât help but do the same. âi was so embarrassed, but so in awe of that woman.. and now i look back and think, âman i wish i was dancing with her..â here, look at this.â your dad reaches into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet. he unfolds it, reaching into where he keeps a picture of you and your sisters, pulling out a picture you didnât know about.
it was your mom. your mom, beaming and innocent smile plastered across her face as her dress flows around her, showing that this was captured mid-twirl. she looked beautiful, and happy. the complete opposite of how you felt right now.
âwow, this place hasnât changed.â you laugh softly, lightening the grieving mood.
âthereâs so much about her i shouldâve told you girls, but i havenât been talking about her âcause it uh⊠makes me sad.â your dads words die in his throat, it seemed like he wanted to say more. but, he was obviously still upset about it all these years later, and this conversation and setting wasnât helping.
grief is love with nowhere to go. you were young when your mom died, so you donât remember her that well, but you still miss her. it wouldâve been nice to have a motherly figure who wasnât margot. you always had love with nowhere to go, though. the letters, the breakup with chris, the secrets. thatâs what you were feeling. grief. you were grieving the feeling of what couldâve been with the guys that you were interested in, and chris. you still loved him, but loving wasnât really allowed.
you sigh softly, shrugging your shoulders as you lean in to capture the end of the straw from your drink into your mouth. âitâs okay.â you reassure, wiping your mouth.
âno, itâs not okay. iâve relied on margot too much, and now you. i know i have. sweetheart, youâre sixteen. you donât have to be an adult yet⊠thatâs why i was so happy when i saw you and chris together.â your dad says, and your heart squeezes in your chest. chris brought out a side in you no one had, and you thought you had only noticed it⊠you guess not.
âi donât um⊠i donât wanna talk about chris.â you sigh, and your dad nods.
âchris who?â
âreally?â
your dad laughs softly, shaking his head. âlook, i donât know what happened with you two, but i know that you opened up when he was with you. not with us, âcause youâve always been like that with us, but to the world. seeing you come alive like that⊠you remind me of her,â her. your mom. âjust donât hide that part of yourself, okay?â
ââŠdad i really miss her.â you whimper, tears stinging at the rims of your eyes.
âi know you do, itâs okay.â
ââŠcan i borrow a quarter?â
your dad throws you a quarter, and you lean in and put the quarter into the jukebox. the song plays again, over and over and over until you and your dad leave.
âwell, like, i didnât hear shit about it though.â lucas remarks. you, kris, and lucas were walking in the hallways on the way to your locker. it was the first day back from winter break, and you were nervous. the hot tub incident was almost a month ago, but nobody had the time to harass you about it in public, so you were nervous.
âdonât worry. the debate teams new yearâs eve nitrous oxide scandal knocked it out of the top spot. itâs ancient history by now.â
âgood. okayâ yeah! thatâs good news. iâm officially back to being invisible.â with chris gone, and nobody worrying about the hot tub video, nobody cared anymore. or so you thought.
the trio approaches the locker, and thereâs a crowd of people around it laughing. oh no. your stomach falls to your ass as you come closer, and there it is. a screenshot from the video printed out on your locker, and someone wrote in dry erase marker ây/n l/n is a slut.â
oh. my. fucking. gosh.
you storm away, and before you can hide, you feel a familiar and gentle grip on your bicep.
âhey, hey⊠whatâs going on?â chris exclaims softly as he moves in front of you, blocking your path.
âyou didnât even say it wasnât true? youâre just gonna let everyone think we fucked when you know we didnât..?â you huff, circling around him so you can make your way around the corner. âi bet youâre happy the video got leaked.â you start to storm off, and kris lingers behind him.
âyou gonna do something about this?â she mocks as she slams the picture of the two of you against his chest, and chris looks down at it.â
âhey!â he yells, looking out at the hallway full of people laughing about it; it suddenly goes silent at the sound of chrisâs commanding tone. ânot that itâs anyoneâs business, but nothing happened in that hot tub. so if anyone says one more word about y/n, or the video, iâll kick your asses. you understand me?â he says, and everyone nods meekly. some scattered âyesâs and âi understandâs can be heard.
you watch for a second, and chris sighs and looks back at you.
âlook, iâm really sorry about everything. okay, baby? if i knew who did thisââ
âi know who did it. so should you.â you huff coldly.
ââŠyeah. okay. let me talk to her.â chris sighs begrudgingly.
ââŠno. i have to handle this myself.â you turn around and storm off.
fucking gen, she just has to ruin everything.
‷đđËâ love, nicolette: AHHH i hate this part of the movie it makes me so saddddd but this was so much fun to write!! iâll work on the new chapter but donât expect it super soon cuz im busy w school stuff⊠love yall!!!
This is how Bf!Matt and Bf!Chris would hold you btw.
Bf!Chris head cannons:
-Him relaxing when he realizes itâs you whoâs grabbing onto him
-His hands immediately holding yoursâiâm a firm believer that Chris loves holding hands
-Chris is so so soft with you, youâre his actual angel
-I feel like if this was you in this scenario instead of Mattâhe would spin around and pick you up
-Chrisâs hands are honestly largeâbut theyâre also very warm
-oh btw this is how he would let you hold him in public.
Bf!Matt headcannons:
-Matt is such a sweetheart and I know we all know this but he truly is
-His love language is touch
-He likes being around you, wether thatâs when youâre cooking or simply standing
-He would be the type to randomly fix your hair in public(like prince harry and meghan markle)
-His body temperature is always warm, this brings an extra level of comfort for you
-Matt would whisper sweet nothings into your ear about how lucky he is to have youâhow amazing you are
btw i feel like they both just know youâknow your body and soul. they truly know you inside and out which makes the bond you guys have ten times stronger. theyâre already triplets so for them to have a gf and truly and i mean truly know, love, cherish and bond with herâthatâs like storybook levels of love.
snowghoul
titsay
yousharknotpass
germansingergirl
discoholicmusic
gummygunk
turnnoffyourmind
kaledo-art
