Dom red flags: a checklist for less experienced submissives
This is written mostly for inexperienced subs who are seeking doms. I would also recomend less experienced doms read as well, I could have used a lot of this advice when I first got started. If you have a lot of S&M experience, you probably won't get much from this post. Feel free to add to it if you reblog. Full checklist under the cut.
Aftercare - Always mandatory. While it will look different from different people aftercare is still an essential part of a dynamic. If a dom has a problem with aftercare, either your version of it or the concept in general 🚩🚩🚩
Safe words - Always mandatory. Safe words are essential for both doms and subs. It’s valid to use them at any time for any reason. I suggest two safewords for every dynamic. A pause word and a stop word. Yellow and Red are pretty standard in many BDSM circles and they’re fantastic for explaining the concept of each. Yellow or Pause meaning take a breath, check in, and communicate. Red or Stop meaning immediately end the scene and provide aftercare. If the sub is gagged or otherwise speech impaired, a particular noise they can annunciate like “Nuh uh," snapping your fingers, or holding onto a loud object they can drop to create a distinct noise are fantastic alternatives. No one should ever be made to feel guilty for using a safeword. If a dom has a problem with safe words, punishes their sub for using it, or doesn’t immidiately stop when the safeword is used 🚩🚩🚩
Check-ins - Recommended. In any dynamic, the dom has a responsibility to make sure their sub is comfortable with the scene as it’s being carried out. Sometimes things can get intense, and if the sub is in subspace, they may not always be able to catch when something starts to overwhelm them. To avoid negative outcomes, I suggest regular check-ins. They can be as simple as “would you like another slap, baby?” or “how does that feel?" or as in-depth as a full pause of the scene. I recomend simple check ins for short scenes (under 10 minutes) and longer water breaks and full pauses during longer scenes. Check-ins are especially important for inexperienced subs and anyone exploring a new type of play. If you think check-ins sound like a good idea, then ask for them! And if your dom refuses 🚩🚩🚩
Boundaries - Always Mandatory. You and your dom both have a responsibility to communicate your boundaries with each other. You also have the responsibility not to cross each other’s boundaries intentionally. Ever. If a dom doesn’t listen to your boundaries, repeatedly crosses them, pushes you to do things you explicitly aren't okay with, or refuses to admit that you don’t like something 🚩🚩🚩
Adapting/Taking critism - Very important. No dynamic will be perfect from the start. Expectations and desires change over time, and even the deepest of connections will evolve. This means that consistant communication and feedback during the dynamic is essential. Bdsm is not about a dom molding a sub into whatever they want. It's about exploring mutually held desires. Both a dom and a sub need to be able to tweak their approaches to each other with time, listen to critisms from each other, and continously adapt as your perceptions of the dynamic change over time. If you have a 24/7 dynamic, I would recomend a regularly scheduled pause every day to talk about the dynamic, voice any critisms, and adjust accordingly. If a dom doesn't want to adjust their approach for you, or shift things in your dynamic based on what you want and like🚩🚩🚩
Punishments - the dynamics conceptualization of punishments should always be pre-negotiated. What is the purpose of punishments? Are they meant to be fun for both parties? Does the sub even want to be punished? Does the dom want to preform punishments? What activities are both parties okay with? If a dom refuses to take all this int account, or wants to give you punishments you dissgree with despite any out-of-dynamic protests🚩🚩🚩
General tips:
Trust your gut - If a situation feels wrong, back out. If someone feels off, or if something isn’t adding up, don't do it. If your gut tells you to run, run. Most BDSM carries inherent risk, if you aren't 100% sure you're willing to accept that risk, don't do it.
Don’t compromise on your boundaries. Ever. - If you feel uncomfortable doing something don’t do it. If a fantasy or scene seems like too much, refuse. There are plenty of doms out there, ignoring your feelings for one that makes you uncomfortable is never worth it.
Talk to others in the community - Please please please for the love of god talk to other subs. Talk to doms that aren’t interested in you. Talk with your dom’s other playmates. Talk with your friends who do kink. Other members of the community are an essential resource and act as a great bullshit detector if something doesn't seem right. Provide support to each other, be as open about your dynamic/potential partners as you comfortably can be. Listen to their feedback.
Sub drop/dom drop - Drops are completely normal during kink. I’ve had them, subs I’ve been with have had them, friends who participate in kink have had them. If you do kink, you’ll probably have a drop at some point, and that’s okay. Your dom should be someone who can comfort you during a drop, the same way you would comfort them if they have one. Your dom should be someone who can make you feel safe during a drop. They should be someone who is willing to comfort you and be there for you while you feel those feelings.
If you have questions about any of this please dm me or send me an ask.
Up to breathe, down to relax her neck. Up to breathe, down to relax her neck. A well-designed predicament can make a girl train herself however you need.
Want you to shove a toy into me and then hand the remote off to random guys throughout the day. I have no idea. We're in college and there's no shortage of guys. You point me out to them and let them watch me get off to the things they're doing with the toy. I cum so many times that day, and by the time I get back to my dorm room, I'm so exhausted, only to open the door and see you standing there with all the guys who have been playing with me all day. You hold me down and they all crowd in to make me cum for them again and again and again.
the fact that some people for real think that doms only think about their pleasure is laughable
like yeah it’s hot to feel like a used lil fuckdoll, but the best doms know how to give their subs the most pleasure of their entire lives while making it seem like it’s only for their own amusement
subs who can’t stop thinking abt rough sex😵💫😵💫being called “a pretty little slut” while i thrust into them as hard as i can, leaving marks all over them, spitting on them, just being as rough as i can <3 no more thinking
subs who literally don’t care if they’re not receiving any pleasure <3 who jus wanna be useful to you n help you cum !! who’s purpose is to behave n let you act out your nasty fantasies on them cus that’s what goodfuck dolls are for, right? <3
sometimes i have a hard time wrapping my head around the existence of doms lol... like u wanna to do all of the thinking FOR ME??? u wanna take care of ME??? u wanna make ALL of the decisions??? u just need me to sit pretty and make you feel good???? literally what are you, an angel???????
Doms who aren’t even phased when you act out are so scary hot. When they are so unaffected because they know how much power they have over you. They know they’re going to punish you and you’re going to end up crying and begging for forgiveness. They know if they want you to do something, you’re going to do it. They know they own you. Ugh. That absolute certainty, the complete control, it drives me fucking insane.
turnnoffyourmind
snowghoul
andulkaphoto
tangentwithtanner
