Why do you like degradation so much ? Is it a control thing or more like sadistic? Like being able to hurt somebody and then care for them after ? Whenever guys say they like that kink I always wondered what they meant by it ?
What do I get out of degradation?
I can't really pin it down to just one reason. I enjoy the control it gives me, the emotional sadism I get to inflict, the trust my partner places in me to degrade them, and the headspace of feeling powerful it gives me.
My partner is very much a complimentary piece to me, she enjoys feeling submissive and inferior most of, if not all the time. She likes being degraded because she can hand control and decisionmaking over to me, she gets off to my emotional sadism, she likes knowing she can trust me to 'put her in her place' so to speak and know I won't abuse that responsibility, and she loves the headspace it puts her in where her head is quiet and present in the moment. She actually gets better sleep because of it.
We are two sides of the degradation coin and it's super important to have that level of compatibility and trust with each other to do this, otherwise it just wouldn't work, especially given our power dynamic is 24/7 TPE.
Not everybody plays to the intensity and the depth that we take it and that's okay. We would never judge anyone or think lesser of them because they don't do it all the time like we do. Nor should you feel pressure or obligation to do so, me and her are statistically outliers even amongst fellow kinksters. We are not trying to make people feel like they need to do it all the time.
What do guys mean when they say they like degradation?
In my experience, most guys don't even know what they mean when they say they like degradation because we do not raise our boys to grow up to be men who understand their emotions.
So I feel that you have to be careful when guys say that because so many times I have seen guys lump humiliation, rough sex, name calling, degradation, or the general concept of dominance together as all the same thing. Or they'll say degradation and what they mean is rough sex or name-calling. And while I understand it can all be a little confusing, they're not at all the same thing, and it's important to understand the differences. The most common misunderstanding I see is thinking that humiliation and degradation are the same thing.
Humiliating someone would be to cause them to feel shame or hurt their pride or dignity for gratification. The act of making fun of how "easy" someone is in bed and playfully poking at their embarrassment over and over would be humiliation.
Degrading someone frequently makes use of humiliation, but it's fundamentally different. You're not getting off on evoking the feeling of humiliation, you're getting off on putting someone beneath you and making them feel like a lesser and more objectified version of themselves. Degradation isn't one instance of humiliation, it's a constant reinforcement of who is in charge and who is not and using that reinforcement to give the Dom power and to disempower the sub.
You humiliate someone if you want to make them experience shame or embarrassment. You degrade someone if you want to take away their power.
"You're so easy." = Humiliation (usually) because it is emotional sadism focused on evoking shame/embarrassment.
"Kneel and know your place." = Degradation because it's focused on reinforcing the power disparity through emotional sadomasochism.
Now I added "usually" to humiliation in that example because if used in combination with other things it can easily become degradation. It's a real "all squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares" type of situation. All degradation is humiliating in some way but not all humiliation is degrading.
If you don't know which one you're doing, ask yourself if what you are doing is primarily focused on reinforcing the existing power dynamic or is it primarily focused on having fun playing with the emotions of shame or embarrassment? Is it heightening the headspace of the dom and the sub or is it temporarily adding spicyness to what's already going on? The answer is not always clear and sometimes it's both.
Typically, if what you are doing consistently winds up focusing on the power dynamic itself, then there is probably some form/level of degradation present.
Both humiliation and degradation are forms of emotional sadomasochism and degradation in particular requires high trust in a play partner. It's not something I would recommend for a one-night stand, pickup play, or a casual hookup. If degradation is something you're into, then you need to remember you would be trusting someone to make you inferior to them during the duration of play. That's an incredibly vulnerable state to be in as a submissive that needs to be handled by a dom with great care and detail.
And not to preach too much, but understanding this difference is really important because a lot of people are into humiliation but are not into degradation. And degradation is an edgeplay kink that can very easily inflict emotional trauma. And someone who doesn't know what they're doing can go from humiliating to degrading and cross a hard limit very quickly. I unfortunately have multiple friends with trauma from this exact scenario, which tells you how common it is.
Sometimes people want to feel humiliated, but they don't ever want to feel like their partner looks down on them or thinks of them as lesser. And some people actively enjoy that and seek that out and both of those are valid and okay. But people need to know which one is which so they can safely have the sex they want without getting hurt or hurting others.
theartofmadeline
romaincrisis
gracieabrams
origamiaround
vaporwave
dailybridgerton
germansingergirl
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