I have yet to pin point where the inspiration to be creative comes from. I've been writing again. At a frequency I forgot I was capable of. It's one of the things that's been keeping me afloat these days.
I've grown tired of wishing things would just happen. Tired of thinking that the end, the destination, is where fulfillment and payoff lives. I'm learning that the joy and thrill of being a writer, being an artist, a human, is in tackling and overcoming all the little things that take you one step closer to the end.
The stakes seem rather high right now. I feel the need to be solid and sound, but I've been cracking and croaking when no one's around. So... I started writing again. And typing, and notetaking, and thinking.
The blessing of being a writer is that it's free, it can be done anytime, anywhere, and no one can stop me from telling a story. The curse of being a writer is that we are our own worst critics, and we are our own creative nemesis. A war of wills against oneself. These days, thankfully, I've been winning.
I'm soo glad I didn't scrap this story I've been mulling over for five years now. I've tried developing it and drafting it, and gotten fed up and had archived it. But now I'm really writing it. It brings me so much joy and the little fuzzy feeling in my stomach is spreading to my heart. I feel open.
It is paramount that I follow through with writing a novel to its goddamn completion. Published. Even if I don't make a dime, if someone reads it and enjoys it... I can't imagine experiencing that sort of satisfaction. All of me, in my most elevated and polished form, will exist in pages topped with a unique cover of my design. That alone is worth fighting for every day. It's like love in a way.
My little Tencha is reaching the end of her life. She likes to bask in the sun, in the warmth of late summer. On dewy grass with her muzzle turned to the sky, sniffing fresh September air. Though her frailness makes each day harder than the last. Her spirits and her faculties remain strong as always. But her body is tired. This post is dedicated to Tencha, who represents resilliance and beautiful, bountiful energy.
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