DARK times, BRIGHT hope

A moment of grieving is indifferent to you but essential to me.

[darktimesbrighthope]

Happy 70th, Mum.

Parabéns! Happy birthday, mum. Only God knows how much I miss you. You are missing a party that I have imagined for today where I could bake your favourite and we sing together. Dad would probably ask for a barbecue and Paty would make a delicious dinner. But for me, would be wake up in the house, jump in your bed and fall asleep again with you. And, when we awake again we could start the coffee and me baking for the day. 

I ask myself why, why and why. As I am unable to understand your sweet voice could always tell me the wise answer. I am struggling here, today even more as is our special day and I have nobody who can remember living our life. 

If I had more time if I was there if I hadn’t decided to stay here. Too many ifs for my mind to process and my heart to settle. So, I pray and cry for one day the waves of my emotions calm and your passarinho flies again to you. 

Feliz aniversário mamãe. 

Gege eu te amo, simples assim. Hoje e sempre.

Um beijo e um cheiro. 

Daniel

[darktimesbrighthope]

2 years after

Hey mum, how are you doing? I'm far from fine, I miss you terrible. I do cry everyday alone. It is like the food as no taste anymore because part of me just got empty.

I know you would like me to keep going and this is what I am doing. I travel, I run and I bake.

Sorry I mess up, was just not enough time to make what we had planned now I end up here without you to show me the kindness and power of love.

It has been two years since you gone but for me the feeling is still like was yesterday. I hold my breath at moment to be in silence and I hear your voice and seu cheiro ❤️.

Your little bird 🐦 still flying away looking for a nest to rest.

Miss you mum.

Beijo beijo Daniel

[darktimesbrighthope]

Celebrating Christmas.

Hey mom happy Christmas and thank you! 

I used to celebrate Christmas around our home big table, we all together having a feast. This time of the year is full of memories of good moments that we have as a full family. 

Today, I am not at home, I am not with our family but I am happy and a bit emotional because I can share that I am not sad. I look around and I have lovely faces but I miss you mum, I miss dad, I miss David and Paty, those people are looking after me and days like that goes by much easier than normal. After so many years living abroad, the idea of family has changed the context and those here can be called family as well sometimes. 

Mum, you taught me to smile. And for that, I celebrate because your love for me is more than special, is a grace that I had.

I cheer for my happy Christmas, I remember that you will be always with me, I will learn how to live with my loss but not for my sadness.  

One day, I will smile again. 

xx Dan

[darktimesbrighthope]

It's been 1 year

Memories of Dec 6th 2017 still so fresh that feels like yesterday. It was so tough year to find ways to keep going without knowing where. Grieving is a process and I don't wish to nobody because there is a lot of pain and darkness on it.

Miss you mum.

[darktimesbrighthope]

Four years ago, we were celebrating my birthday in Paris, no doubt our best time together, you taught me that the world can be huge but we are all explorers, so I should not be afraid of the world as may conquer it one day.

[darktimesbrighthope]

I miss you, today and forever

Days have past and I am still here trying to find a way to keep going without you around. I miss you so much and nobody can understand it.

It hurts to think, truly painful because nothing makes sense anymore. 

People said that is hard, that time will help. I see that is hard but I don’t see time helping me. I have kept myself in silence, as a way to do not talk because it hurts and it is not good, I want to talk. I want you to talk to me, giving me a smile from your voice again, I want you to motivate me as always did. 

I am alone mum, around so many people but alone. Sad no more smiles. Time goes by and I am still here missing you today and forever.

[darktimesbrighthope]

Choosing to Grieve

Grief is a painful emotion, but it’s also can be so helpful to get turn your life to a better side. It’s like a tool that God gives us to get through the transitions of life, the tool to help us to accept that there more things that we will never understand. 

[darktimesbrighthope]

The worse day

On December 6th of 2017, you have gone, and it hurts to think about, but I need to help my healing. 

On that Wednesday, I woke up, as usual, the same routine to get ready for work and I saw a missed call from my brother while I had a shower. As an immediate reaction, I called back wondering what was wrong. And he crying gave me the bad news.

It is disturbing.

I feel like part of me has gone, and my heart cries and my brain can’t cope with such news.

We cried.

I put myself together, grabbed my laptop and started looking for the next flight to Sao Paulo. Found one, told my brother to hold on still that I was going to my work to tell my boss and see what I could do.

I walked to work, more to get fresh air, it was not cold with a morning breeze, but my mind was only about the need to go home. 

Thankfully, everything was fine at work, and I walked back home and God I was lost. Looked at my bedroom and nothing make sense. I called a good friend that came over like a savior, I just needed a familiar face. He helped me to choose the ticket and pack my bag. Cris, thank you so much, my friend, you were there for me. 

The next quickest flight to Sao Paulo was via London by BA, it cost a fortune but was the only option to get there in time for the removal. It was the worse flight ever because I was in shock, and with time all kind of thoughts came to my mind, and I cried alone, nobody there to talk, no hand to hold, no one. 

On next day morning, I arrived in Sao Paulo, two more hours until Santos and then my brother could pick me up at the bus terminal. 

We held still.

 Time passes, a bit more recovered we went to the local cemetery where her body has been prepared, and people could come to say goodbye. 

I will write about this later, but for now, lets keep simple and less painful, I am not able to put on words everything that happened, not yet. 

She is gone.

Just like a shoe box, you were there, and I want to have more time. A time that was taken from me. 

Celebration.

I will just say my beautiful sister-in-law that God brought you to us family was to hold steady like you did and I will celebrate your birthday with joy and still you deserve the excellent dinner and the cake that we could not have in that day. 

Darkness. 

The day never ends because I couldn’t sleep. 

[darktimesbrighthope]

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

[darktimesbrighthope]

Mummy, I miss you. Your little bird needs you so much, don’t know where to fly anymore.

I need you with me as on this day at Magdalena (South) Beach in Porto, everything was so perfect, you were excited for being in Portugal, impressed about the lovely “bacalhau” for lunch and we have finished the day resting along the beach.

Oh God, thank you for the time that I have spent with my mother and help me to cure of the pain that I am feeling.

[darktimesbrighthope]

It can be good

Hi there, get yourself time and let me grieve.

The DARK times is my escape to cry after my mother passed away. It has been so difficult to face one day after another that I don’t know how to do it anymore.

There is no such plan on how I will write this, sometimes I will just dump whatever I am feeling, but sometimes it will be my one-way conversation with my beloved mother. I will try to keep it in English as much as I can, but I will switch to Portuguese when I need to keep the authenticity of my thoughts.

I am not a writer and I don’t care, I am worried and desperately trying to accept everything that is going on in my head. 

[darktimesbrighthope]

My new Xmas gift from work's friend: Stormtrooper keychain with lights. I love it. #Nerd #Lifeisaproject #XmasTime (at Blackdog Communications)

[darktimesbrighthope]

Adele - Skyfall

http://home.adele.tv/

This is the end

Hold your breath and count to ten

Feel the Earth move and then

Hear my heart burst again

For this is the end

I've drowned and dreamed this moment

So overdue, I owe them

Swept away, I'm stolen

Let the sky fall, and it crumbles

We will stand tall

And face it all

Together

Let the sky fall, and it crumbles

We will stand tall

And face it all together

Let the sky fall

Skyfall is where we start

A thousand miles and poles apart

Where worlds collide and days are dark

You may have my number

You can take my name

But you'll never have my heart

Let the sky fall, when it crumbles

We will stand tall

And face it all

Together

Let the sky fall, and it crumbles

We will stand tall

And face it all together

Let the sky fall

Where you go, I go

What you see, I see

I know I'll never be

Without the securities

And your loving arms

Keeping me from harm

Put your hand in my hand

And we'll stand

Let the sky fall, when it crumbles

We will stand tall

And face it all

Together

Let the sky fall, when it crumbles

We will stand tall

And face it all

Together

As sky falls

Let the sky fall

We will stand tall

As sky falls 

[darktimesbrighthope]

7th September 2012

Good morning. In less than an hour, Brazilian from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest virtual battle in this history of Brazilian people.

Brazilian -- that word should have new meaning for all of us today.

We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore.

We will be united in our common interests.

Perhaps its fate that today is the 7th of September, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution -- but from ignorance, stupidity in believing in unfair Government.

We're fighting for our right to live, to exist in a future.

And should we win the day, the 7th of September will no longer be known as an Brazilian holiday, but as the day when the Brazilian around the world declared in one voice:

"We will not go quietly into the night!

We will not vanish without a fight!

We're going to live on!

We're going to survive!"

Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!

by Daniel Pereira

See more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Independence_of_Brazil

Inspired by the movie Independence Day

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116629/

[darktimesbrighthope]

It is not the color of the skin that makes a person...it is what is inside

Thanks John Maddog Hall you gave me inspiration.

[darktimesbrighthope]

Taken with Instagram at The Cheese Pantry

[darktimesbrighthope]

Watch your thoughts, for they becomes words. Watch your words, for they becomes actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits, Watch your habits, for they become your character. And watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

Margaret Thatcher (by Meryl Streep in Iron Lady)