Dashes 0f Confessions

My space, safe space, space safe. Y'get it.

[thegoodvybe]

[dashes0fconfessions]

You’re loosing me

slipping out of your fingers

slowly loosing my trust

Feeling more loved

by strangers

that fill the void you left behind

It’s your loss,

as I’m not like the others

Not ordinary like the rest

The tragedy is that

by the time you realize I’m gone,

It’ll already be too late

[dashes0fconfessions]

Message received, you're clearly not interested in me

My heart needs a little break right now. I’m tired of being second best or compared to some else, But more than that I am exhausted by not even being given a chance. To be laughed at when I’m working intensely to open up my heart. To be stereotyped into being something I’m not, just because I’m from a land presumed as people having one night stands and getting drunk.

I’m tired of being misunderstood. Yes, I’m complex but fuck it; so are you. I’m exhausted by the fact that “you” only care when it suits your need for acceptance, confirmation and a friendly face to call home. But when I call you on the phone, you never even press the green button to say “Hello”.

I’m tired of giving so much of myself, just to feel like you think higher about trash than about a human being. A human, being me. But more than that I am mad at myself for never being brave. I’m not brave enough to let you go. Because you hurting me hurts less than me being on my own.

I’m furious at my own being because what’s the point of loving you, when you don't even love yourself. How could you ever love me, if you’re so messed up in your own head. I’m tired of being second best and always compared to someone else. So for now I’ll dig my heart a grave, because I clearly need a break.

[dashes0fconfessions]

Chapter 2016; day 1 of 366

I need to begin taking better care of myself and not being so naive. Of course, it is wondrous to see the best in people, but not to the extent that you forget to take care of your own needs. This is not a new years resolution, but a life goal. To be a better me and take care of myself. Be proud of my achievements and accept the mistakes I will make. No one is perfect, but it is important to love yourself in order to truly be happy. A new chapter begins now; a new year 2016. A chapter that will continue to shape me into the person I want to be and the role model I want to become for myself. Happy new year, new beginnings and old experiences. And congrats; we survived another year, another chapter.

[dashes0fconfessions]

June 17th, 2015

Our foundation is build upon lies, when I thought it was build upon truth. Honesty. A foundation that came crashing down at the speed of light. Glass breaking. My hands are shaking. When you get lied to and left by so many individuals it creates deep scars. This scar is one of the deeper ones. The betrayal is bigger because the lie lasted for what feels like a lifetime. Although I guess sometimes people get hurt. I guess it is quite a normal thing to happen, but that does not mean it hurts any less. It does not make me feel any less dumb. I didn’t love the way you lie. I know I kept you amused but I feel like I was being used. So thanks for the memories, even though they weren’t so great. Bittersweet memories, that is all I will be taking with me. But one day I’ll find someone sweeter, rather than bitter. We could have had it all, but it’s too late to apologize. These are my brand new battle scars.

[dashes0fconfessions]

Dear no one

or everyone. I have stopped myself from writing for a long time now, because my mind has been such a mess. Which is strange, because usually I do write at these times when I feel like utterly shit. I think I have stopped myself from writing because I knew that when I start; my thoughts won't stop. So much is going on in my head, my life.  Sometimes, or a lot of times, I wish that I could just turn off these thoughts of mine. I try without any luck. I fail and I yet again sit and wonder why on earth I'm such a mess. My mind is a constant struggle, trying to focus on the positive and then again overanalyzing everything that has happened in my life. At least my mind is put to ease when my fingers are numb from writing down everything inside. When my eyes are red from the tears digging into my skin. When my lip is stained dark red from biting it too hard, just to keep it shut.  I'm okay. I'm not okay. I don't know what I am or how I feel, honestly. 

Dear no one, or everyone. I'm numb and I need to make a change, but I don't know how and I think it will stay like this for a long time. 

[perverie]

[dashes0fconfessions]

I'm numb. Broken. But in time I will rise. And you will realize you lost something great by not believing in me.

[simplee-things]

I want to explain, but I don’t know how

[dashes0fconfessions]

This is how you remind me,

of what I really am.

I always think I am so different from you, but in reality. I’m not. At least you’re loved. I’m like a magnet, that has no real purpose anymore. A magnet that doesn’t fit with anybody else. I have always wondered why so many end up with you, because I can’t see how you have anything to put on the table. How you can be so great. I realized, though, that the only people you have been doing wrong, is your past and me. But you made me toxic, I ruin everything I touch and see. I guess you were right when you said that I was never going to be loved, maybe you even cursed me. Maybe I got all your flaws, so people will hate me. Because you remind me of me, I remind myself of you. And its one of the most awful things that has ever happened to me.

[elilovelovelove]

true | via Facebook on We Heart It.

[dashes0fconfessions]

Keeping me sane or driving me crazy.

Sometimes I wonder if this "writing my feelings out" does any good at all.. I mean sure, it is good to talk about things to "let it out", but it hurts too. Doesn't it? I think it is a little bit of both. All I know is that it is way better writing my feelings here than to expect a whole bunch of people to listen to my rants in real life. 

I keep trying to figure out who I am. Where I come from. What I'm supposed to do in this life. But its been difficult, to find out who I am when I don't even know my own family well enough. Sometimes I wish I was born in a different family, just because then maybe things would have been more simple. Or I could actually do "regular" things. But I have to live with what I have been given and I have to embrace the fact that I will never have a normal nor healthy relationship with at least half of my family and people I meet in my life. 

Hopefully in time it will get better. I will get better. But right now it feels kind of impossible, but then again it is just one of those days. 

[dashes0fconfessions]

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal.

[durianquotes]

When we hold each other, in the darkness, it doesn’t make the darkness go away. The bad things are still out there. The nightmares are still walking. When we hold each other, we feel not safe, but better. ‘It’s all right,’ we whisper. ‘I’m here. I love you.’ And we lie: ‘I’ll never leave you.’ For just a moment or two, the darkness doesn’t seem so bad.

Neil Gaiman (via felicefawn)

[dashes0fconfessions]

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

It's not always easy, being in a friendship where only one part cares. It drags you down. It dragged me down. Today.

I can't take it. My tears mashing up with rain, just like the moon collides with stars. It's not supposed to be like this with us. Not us. But now I am solely me. Not us. 

[dashes0fconfessions]

A lifetime with you, 

that is what I wanted to spend. 

Thou my heart didn't believe that even a lifetime was enough. 

It didn't happen. 

I was foolish to believe it would.

Broken promises. False hope. 

Thunder shaking up my insides,

and lightening crashing hard like a stab in the heart. 

Hurt. Pain and confusion. 

If only this was just another bad dream. 

[dashes0fconfessions]

Tears slowly streaming down my face, 

like ice melting by the touch of sunlight. 

Beauty in the breakdown. Beauty in the weak. 

My system blowing up from the inside,

like boomboxes and the sound of bass. 

The constant feeling of not belonging, 

constant feeling of being incomplete. 

T-shirt soaked from the icy tears, 

make-up messed up. Perfect imperfect mess. 

Alone. Don't belong here.