Cowabunga @datello - Tumblr Blog

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Me!

friend: are you ok?

me: yeah I'm fine

me in my head: I really hate that Eustace was so cruel to Courage. And why would they name the show "Courage the Cowardly Dog" when courage was clearly a very brave dog. Sure, he was afraid of many things but he always faced his fears to save Muriel and Eustace.

light-breaks-where-no-sun-shines

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monietaegi

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notthedisneyyourelookingfor

bipolarprobz

when you have to do things during a depressive episode

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bipolarprobz

when someone makes a bipolar joke around you

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Being Bipolar

Being bipolar sucks. Soul crushing depression sucks. Realizing all the things you’ve destroyed while manic sucks. Never knowing which is coming next or when it will strike also sucks. I spend every single day managing my bipolar and I still have episodes. I will spend every day for the rest of my life managing my bipolar and I will still have episodes. That said, bipolar disorder is beautiful. It is the ability to feel in a way that most of humanity will never get to experience. It’s like lightning. Fierce and dangerous and hot and bright and terrifying. When I’m manic I’ve had so much energy that I walked until my feet bled. It was messy and painful but also extraordinary. I walked that far and could have kept going. I have it in me to keep going.

When I’m depressed I’ve been so emotional that I stared at a wall for over four hours without moving, just contemplating suicide. It was terrifying and unhealthy but also wonderful. I wanted to act on those thoughts but I didn’t. I have it in me to withstand.

Am I romanticizing my illness? No. Bipolar is not graceful or elegant. It makes functioning in the world (having a job, going to school, shopping for groceries, doing the dishes, etc) impossible sometimes. Bipolar is messy and sharp and all of the ugly frightening things about human nature.

Bipolar is messy, but there is beauty in that messiness. A broken vase is not beautiful in the same way a whole one is. But there is still beauty in the shards of glass, in the way they catch the lights and shine little rainbows on the floor. Bipolar is feeling and that is wonderfully, beautifully, human.