DATER'S DIGEST

The good. The bad. The downright ugly. Single girl in Toronto. Everything to do with dating.

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I have no Idea who you are, but I love the fact that you used myself and my blog for your OKC, eHarmony, etc. post.

You're hilarious, informative and honest.. I had to use your article! Thanks for reblogging my post and keep up the great work :)

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#FashionFridays: Scoring a date!

So maybe you don’t have a date tonight. Your crush is in your circle of friends and you want him to notice you. You’re all going out for a friends' birthday this evening... what do you wear out for drinks?

COLOURFUL PANTS! As you probably already know, bright coloured denim is all the rage this season. Pick a bright red, cobalt blue, mint green or pastel yellow like the ones I'm wearing (Please ignore the duck faces):

Yellow pants: American Eagle

Grey t-shirt: TJ Maxx

Scarf: Pacific Mall

Purse: Holt Renfrew

Black shoes: (Toms knockoffs!) Ardene

[tonalow-blog]

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AWW :(

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#WisdomWednesdays: Lavalife, Okcupid, eHarmony, Match.com… Can you find love online?

                 In most cases, the goal of online daters is to find a lasting relationship… I won’t account for creepers and those who are looking for sex. A 2006 study by Madden and Lenhart found that most couples currently in long-term relationships or marriage “met through family and friends or in a work or school setting”. Their study states that the most successful place to begin a relationship is in a social setting and that only 3% of couples meet through Internet-based. Though their research is 6 years old, it is hard to imagine any remarkable variation in statistics. If there is such evidence demonstrating a lack of success on dating websites, why is it a $4 billion industry? 

                  It seems people are spending a lot of time sifting through their available options with very little pay-off in real life. I’ve previously mentioned a study by Frost which found that users spend over 11 hours a week searching profiles  and writing or responding to emails, to typically result in only 1.8 hours of “offline interactions”. I get that it’s much easier to be behind a computer, but how will these interactions lead to anything other than disappointment? You simply cannot tell how funny or affectionate someone is in cyber-space.

                  The Internet has had a positive impact on platonic relationships via social networking sites, but the failure rate of romantic relationships is due to this fundamental gap between wants and needs. The information that daters need to know in order to determine relationship compatibility is not available in an online setting. Generally, users ended up “highly dissatisfied” when meeting offline because dating interfaces “fall short of providing the information users desire”, according to Frost. The emotional, intangible attributes cannot be represented in a profile. Searchable characteristics, like height, income or religion, are objective… and after all, dating is all about feelings. You are looking for a partner, not presenting yourself to an employer.

                  Joe Renken has chronicled his own experiences with online dating on his hilariously cynical blog (http://blog.joerenken.com/). He narrows down different stages, from “excitement” to “disappointment” and even a period of “rage” during the dating process, concluding that the Internet is not an appropriate place to seek love. Having experimented with online dating, Renken discusses the ratio of online messages to actual offline interactions. In his personal experience, he says he e-mailed forty girls in the first three days he was on the dating website OkCupid. Of these messages, he only got six responses and only one of which resulted in a real-life date. Renken claims the process is “stupid” and resulted in his feelings of “rage” because of its ineffectiveness.

                  The process on OkCupid was horrible enough to deter Renken from trying any other form of online dating. His disappointing experience validates the argument that communication technologies can ever replace face-to-face interactions. Though the Internet can be a gateway to real-life connections, there are too many opportunities for people to deceive one another via false profile information and misleading message exchange or online avatars that allow users to take on a different identity. Considering all the time it takes to sift through hundreds of profiles, messaging back and forth, not getting a response… It all seems like one big headache. Not to mention, how accurate can a self-written profile be? Think of how much you’ve fluffed up your own.

xo, Christine.

                  For more information on Madden & Lenhart’s study:

Madden, Mary, and Amanda Lenhart. “Online Dating.” Pew Research Centre (2006): 1-35. Princeton Survey Research Associates International, 5 Mar. 2006. Web. 1 Jun. 2012.

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#MISC

I tried to get my mind around the concept of happily ever after. As progressive as our society claims to be, there are still certain life targets we’re all supposed to hit. Marriage, babies, and a home to call your own. But what if, instead of breaking out in a smile, you break out in a rash? Is something wrong with the system? Or is it you? And do we really want these things? Or are we just programmed?

-Carrie Bradshaw

Sex and the City

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#TipoftheDayTuesday: Think outside the box. Dinner & a movie is overplayed. Try snowboarding or rock climbing lessons, go to a concert or an outdoor food festival.

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#UglyMondays: Relationship rant.

Being in a relationship is great and all… I’m super happy for all you happy couples, but for the love of God, don’t forget about your friends.

I stopped talking to one of my best friends this time last June. She began dating her first-ever boyfriend in February of last year and did a complete 180. She spent less and less time with her friends, even her roommates barely saw her. She fell head over heels in love, which is great for her… But to isolate yourself in a relationship is ludicrous.

I’ve dated my share of men… Some obviously more serious than others. I know how it feels to want to spend every waking moment with the person you are in lust with love, but forgetting to put effort in meaningful relationships that previously existed creates a kind of co-dependency with your current partner.

I remember when my friend Emma sent me a text message saying that she had just bought a home with her new boyfriend. No more regular sleepovers, not renting… No… BUYING a home…. Together. I told her I was concerned that she was rushing into a decision… and living together would complicate things, much less having pooled bills and mortgage payments with someone you haven’t been with for 6 months… But apparently my honesty was not well-received.

Emma got upset with me for not being “happy and supportive”, but come on. I know you are crazy in love, but don’t be so crazy! It saddens me that we are no longer on speaking terms because I tried to give realistic advice. I’m sure she feels great proving me wrong, since the two are still together, but it would bother me so much to lose a friendship over a relationship.

I remember an argument with one of my most recent exes, who said, “You care more about your friends then you care about us. I ditch my friends all the time for you, and I feel like you’d rather spend time with them over me!” It’s all about balance. Maybe I am so paranoid of being one of those annoying couples that I sway too far to the other extreme. In any case, I believe in making equal effort in all relationships, whether it be romantic or friendly.

Boys will come and go… and even if he is the one, it’s all about balance. Maintain a degree of independence. Make time for your friends.

xo, Christine.

As extreme as he is, I love this video Chris Crocker made on co-dependency. “Be your own boyfriend. Be your own girlfriend”.

#UglyMondays

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#FashionFridays: Summer nights.

There is nothing sexier than a laid-back summer dress. It screams low-maintenance, even if you aren't, and they're uber feminine... Guys love that!

I've seen a ton of maxi dresses at Winner's this season, so I picked up this taupe-coloured one:

Also check out these flowy maxi dresses, perfect for a summer night stroll:

Grey/Yellow dress: Mango (www.mango.com)

Blue dress: Cobalt Blue Strapless Plain Maxi Dress (chiarafashion.co.uk)

Peach dress: René Lezard Maxi dresses Oranje (www.zalando.nl)

xo, Christine.

#FashionFridays

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#TherapyThursdays: How long should you wait before having sex with someone?

This is a tricky question. You surely don’t want to be a Samantha from Sex and the City but you don’t want to be overly prudish. Steve Harvey discussed a “90 Day Rule” in his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Harvey suggests every woman should have a 90 day grace period before giving up what he refers to as “the cookie”. Now, I’m fully aware of urges and I’ve even discussed animalistic needs in last week’s #TherapyThursdays post. I’m not so sure that waiting three months in entirely realistic either.

I can’t say there is ever a “right time” to move things to that next level of intimacy. As cliché as it sounds, wait until you are ready. Anyone with common sense can gage how much a person cares about you. If he’s only calling you late Saturday night after he comes home from the bar, you probably shouldn’t give it up. You’re a booty call and nothing more. If he’s taken you to dinner on more than one occasion, introduced you to his friends, remembered to wish you good luck on your exam… chances are, he truly cares about you.

My mother just recently told me to “appreciate the people who are wonderful, kind and thoughtful”. What I’m trying to say is that you should use your own judgement, and sleep with people who are good to you and respectful. Remember your worth, don’t do anything you don’t want to do. And if you think it’s the right time, do what feels good!

Mama's advice:

xo, Christine.

#TherapyThursdays

[dailychao]

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#WisdomWednesdays: Marrying later.

I was asked by a dear friend of mine if it is weird that she does not want to get married, and I said, “No“. Modern women today have stronger convictions, more options, more aspirations, sexual freedom  and more concrete reasons why they are not compelled to marry Mr. Right as of yet. I am not surprised by this trend and today, the median age for women getting married is 26. Sounds about accurate but only half of the adult population in America are married.  

The tables have turned and women are more career-minded than ever before. A high 55% of college graduates are women between the ages of 25-29 and as of last year, 51.4% of all managerial and professional positions were held by women. Men were also outnumbered by women who attended grad school and single women between the ages of 22-30 earned 8% more than men.

There is no doubt that women are becoming successful in their respectful jobs, their earning potential is increasing and playing the field is becoming more apparent.  Thanks to best-selling books such as, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man“ and “The Manual“, these have become women`s bed-side table books providing them with more perspective on how women should conduct themselves in the dating scene. Likewise, movies such as, “Friends with Benefits“ and “No-Strings Attached“ have also persuaded women to date casually.  

For most men, marriage tends to fall under the “right timing“. Once they have secured themselves financially and are ready to provide, they are more likely to settle down and propose.  Whereas for most women, marriage tends to fall under the category of the “right man“, as if they are searching for the ultimate criteria.  A woman may have it all with the exception of being with the man of her dreams, but where do you find the fine line between settling for less and settling down?  Does she pick the good-looking guy with great character and values but not financially attractive? Or does she pick the average-looking guy whose values do not align with hers, is spoiled by his parents, is paid generously and could be a potential mate to settle down with.  Or maybe, there is that “overall package“ walking just around the corner. There may not be the perfect scenario, but the possibilities are endless.  With the steep economic turn of our time; no wonder women are more restless, going back to school, taking more responsibility financially, and therefore marriage has taken a back seat. Why get married lavishly and get  divorced anyways?

Cohabitation seems more feasible and less headache. There is always that negative stigma on women being single or not wanting to marry the man whom they are currently happy with. Marriage is interpreted differently from all walks of life. It could be following a tradition, a written formality, or partly just doing it “for the kids“, as Brangelina have shared recently.  Marriage may represent a sacred union, but it is also a decision whether if it`s really essential to a long-lasting happiness and companionship.

[datersdigest]

Once again, the lovely Maria Aliazon is contributing to Dater's Digest. This time, she explains this phenomenon of women marrying later in life.

Enjoy.

xo, Christine.

#WisdomWednesdays

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Online dating insanity...

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#TipoftheDayTuesday

Passionsearch dating tip of the day: If you fall in love, make sure it’s with someone who knows how to catch you.

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#TipoftheDayTuesday: Don't kiss on the first date.

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#UglyMondays: Jerry! Jerry!

Sometimes real-life is as f*cked up as an episode of Teen Mom mixed with a little Jerry Springer. I’m not sure what’s in our water, but bizarre occurrences are everywhere lately.

I was recently at my friend Jordan’s house watching Dr. Phil. The episode was about an 18 year old boy who got two 16 year old girls pregnant, one right after the other. I made a comment about how messed up the world has become and he proceeded to tell me about his neighbour’s dating disasters.

Apparently his 18-year-old neighbour, Chantal, just had a daughter on March 5th. I hate to judge, but any story where kids are having kids already gets to me… But anywho…. Chantal and her best friend Caitlin had known each other since elementary school. The two were literally inseperable.

In high school, Chantal started dating her babydaddy daughter’s father, Wesa. Almost immediately after learning that she is pregnant, Chantal finds out that Caitlin is expecting as well… Who is the father of Caitlin’s child? Wesa… (Jerry! Jerry!)

Needless to say, Chantal and Caitlin are no longer friends… and nine months later, Caitlin gives birth to a baby girl on…*drumroll*… May 5th. Yep. The same day Chantal had a daughter.

Good on you, Wesa. Having two babies with two different women born on the EXACT. SAME. DAY.

Lawd have mercy, is this real life?! You can’t write this stuff!

xo, Christine.

#UglyMondays

#FacePalm