I’ve been meaning to write about this date for several months... not because I think I’ll ever forget it (not sure I could ever do that), but just because it was so unbelievably weird I have to write it down to believe it. I met this guy online, and we started texting. The texts were stilted and I didn’t feel like we meshed. But out of curiosity (and that stupid “say yes to life” shit people have been cramming down my throat), I continued to text him. Now he immediately threw down a red flag where 3 seconds after initiating texts he asked to meet up IRL. I immediately answered, “I don’t do one night stands” and he put it off on me that I was being too egotistical for assuming he wanted a one night stand, and he gave me that BS line that he didn’t do one night stands either, like I’m supposed to believe that he just pressured me to meet up immediately after connecting online so we could talk about literature and our favorite flowers? How fucking gullible you think we are??? I stopped texting him shortly after he accused me of being overly sensitive for putting it out there that a one night stand was off limits, and tried to forget about him, but every now and then, he’d text me to say hi, and I’d say hi back, more amused by his tenacity than anything else. One Friday night during the height of summer, I made plans to go to an event, while in the Lyft, he texted me and asked me where I was and let me know that he was in the area and he’d pick me up- mind you, I didn’t ask for a ride or contact with him, but he apparently could read my mind better then I could, and knew that I needed him to drive me to wherever he wanted to take me right then and there. I told him my phone was dying (which was actually true) and that I was going to an event and he was more then welcome to join. He said he’d pick me up afterwards to do something. I wasn’t able to reply “Hell no” as my phone died and I went into the venue. After I got out, while waiting for my Lyft, I kind of looked around to see if any creepy guys were waiting outside to take me home...luckily the streets were clear and free...too clear and free, it took forever to get my damn Lyft and the temperature had dropped—-it was cold and my cute summer dress was not meant for that weather change. Well guess who texted me the next day? He wanted to meet up that night, and again out if curiosity and that stupid Say Yes bullshit, I agreed.
He told me to meet him at a certain bar. I drove there and was a bit early, but I walked in, expecting to find an assortment of people crowding around a hip bar, only to find one person passed out on a couch and absolutely no one else bedside the bartender in the vicinity. Well, with the bar all to myself, I ordered a beer, sat at a table and started texting my friends a status update, when in walks this very large, very unattractive, and very un-like his photograph person. I admit, I’m shallow, I want to be attracted to someone I’m dating, we all do, and that’s why I should never never never violate my rule to go off of full body profile pics, not just head-shots because when they hide their body, they’re showing off a secret, whether it’s a body image or 7 toes on their left foot, something is obviously amiss. I took mental note of the vast difference in perception vs. reality, and continued to finish my text to my friends when he thundered down opposite me and immediately began complaining that the problem with women is how disrespectful they are by texting in front of someone; carefully omitting the tidy tidbit that he was several minutes late which of course isn’t rude at all. I mean...what am I supposed to do, look into space? Try to ascertain just how much alcohol the guy in the couch had to face before passing out on it? I finished my text and he continued to complain, this guy was such a joy to be around. But here’s the kicker, the bartender/with absolutely nothing else to do but tend to the only upright patrons in his establishment, immediately came over to take his order, and he just orders a Ginger Ale. At first, I thought, that’s weird....is he’s some sort of Straight Edge guy, but then...why suggest a bar as the meeting place? But then—the Ginger Ale came, and it all became stone cold heart stoppingly clear... He proceeded to open the lapel of his jacket, take out a flask and doctor his drink. I mean...how fucking classy can you get???? I think my mouth literally dropped open as I saw a real life person in 2017 use a flask — not in an homage to another era—-but as a way to get out of paying a few bucks for some alcohol. He slyly looked at me as though I was in on his secret to rip off the bar he chose for us to meet at, and I think he took my look of pure disgust as interest as he continued to talk. And, not only did he whip out his flask, but he kept adding more of whatever was in it to his drink to make it more and more potent- because showing off how much alcohol you can take is so very attractive to women.
He asked me about the previous night, and I again explained that my phone had died and I had had tickets, and I didn’t understand his plans, when he cuts me off and said. Yeah he waited to pick me up but it’s a good thing that we didn’t meet up as he PASSED OUT in the car that he wanted to drive me home in. I can really pick ‘em, can’t I? So I asked him what he did for a living. Given that he’s sneaking drinks and is over 40 and has several roommates, I’m guessing, that whatever it is, he’s not at the top of his field. Now, if you can’t describe what you do for a living in two words or less, then just be honest with the world and say you don’t have a fucking job and you’re a dead beat who’s not interested in working , just scamming the system, just be honest with yourself—or at least me. He noted several times that he felt an instant connection between us (obviously his sensors were way off) and wondered why he could never move beyond a first meeting. I would loved to have spelled it out for him, but not wanting to prolong the painful evening, I kept my mouth shut. As he continued to complain about women and his life I tried to drown my beer as quickly as possible. When the bartender cane over to ask us if we wanted anything else, I blurted our “NO” before he could order another Ginger Ale and begged for the check. Now, I have a rule that if I’m so incredibly turned off by a guy, I’ll pay my own way no hemming or hawing, just an insistence that I’m going to give the establishment money in exchange for the items I consumed, I’m not offering to pay for them, just myself. I don’t want to owe anyone anything especially if that person repulses me. So I slapped down a $20 bill-which more then would have covered my one drink and tip and should have yielded some change—-when my very classy date grabbed my money, stuffed it in his wallet, took out his debit card and paid the bill not leaving a tip. So basically, I paid him for such a memorable and lovely evening. I was stunned and literally speechless. So while in shock, I grabbed my stuff and started to hightail it to my car, while the asshole trailed behind me. He’s going on and on about how great the evening went (I pity his other evenings that this one was so great in comparison to others) and I’m rushing to get inside the car and get away from him, I say good bye (no, “I’ll see you later” or “it was nice”) just a regular plain “Good Bye” and left.
As soon as I got home I texted him that he should never contact me again, blocked him from my media and I realize that I should have told him what he did wrong so he could never impose his Neanderthalic manners on anyone else...but I didn’t, so I would like to formally apologize to anyone who is unfortunate enough to encounter him. I’m so very very sorry.
