Iâve been meaning to write about this date for several months... not because I think Iâll ever forget it (not sure I could ever do that), but just because it was so unbelievably weird I have to write it down to believe it. I met this guy online, and we started texting. The texts were stilted and I didnât feel like we meshed. But out of curiosity (and that stupid âsay yes to lifeâ shit people have been cramming down my throat), I continued to text him. Now he immediately threw down a red flag where 3 seconds after initiating texts he asked to meet up IRL. I immediately answered, âI donât do one night standsâ and he put it off on me that I was being too egotistical for assuming he wanted a one night stand, and he gave me that BS line that he didnât do one night stands either, like Iâm supposed to believe that he just pressured me to meet up immediately after connecting online so we could talk about literature and our favorite flowers? How fucking gullible you think we are??? I stopped texting him shortly after he accused me of being overly sensitive for putting it out there that a one night stand was off limits, and tried to forget about him, but every now and then, heâd text me to say hi, and Iâd say hi back, more amused by his tenacity than anything else. One Friday night during the height of summer, I made plans to go to an event, while in the Lyft, he texted me and asked me where I was and let me know that he was in the area and heâd pick me up- mind you, I didnât ask for a ride or contact with him, but he apparently could read my mind better then I could, and knew that I needed him to drive me to wherever he wanted to take me right then and there. I told him my phone was dying (which was actually true) and that I was going to an event and he was more then welcome to join. He said heâd pick me up afterwards to do something. I wasnât able to reply âHell noâ as my phone died and I went into the venue. After I got out, while waiting for my Lyft, I kind of looked around to see if any creepy guys were waiting outside to take me home...luckily the streets were clear and free...too clear and free, it took forever to get my damn Lyft and the temperature had droppedâ-it was cold and my cute summer dress was not meant for that weather change. Well guess who texted me the next day? He wanted to meet up that night, and again out if curiosity and that stupid Say Yes bullshit, I agreed.
He told me to meet him at a certain bar. I drove there and was a bit early, but I walked in, expecting to find an assortment of people crowding around a hip bar, only to find one person passed out on a couch and absolutely no one else bedside the bartender in the vicinity. Well, with the bar all to myself, I ordered a beer, sat at a table and started texting my friends a status update, when in walks this very large, very unattractive, and very un-like his photograph person. I admit, Iâm shallow, I want to be attracted to someone Iâm dating, we all do, and thatâs why I should never never never violate my rule to go off of full body profile pics, not just head-shots because when they hide their body, theyâre showing off a secret, whether itâs a body image or 7 toes on their left foot, something is obviously amiss. I took mental note of the vast difference in perception vs. reality, and continued to finish my text to my friends when he thundered down opposite me and immediately began complaining that the problem with women is how disrespectful they are by texting in front of someone; carefully omitting the tidy tidbit that he was several minutes late which of course isnât rude at all. I mean...what am I supposed to do, look into space? Try to ascertain just how much alcohol the guy in the couch had to face before passing out on it? I finished my text and he continued to complain, this guy was such a joy to be around. But hereâs the kicker, the bartender/with absolutely nothing else to do but tend to the only upright patrons in his establishment, immediately came over to take his order, and he just orders a Ginger Ale. At first, I thought, thatâs weird....is heâs some sort of Straight Edge guy, but then...why suggest a bar as the meeting place? But thenâthe Ginger Ale came, and it all became stone cold heart stoppingly clear... He proceeded to open the lapel of his jacket, take out a flask and doctor his drink. I mean...how fucking classy can you get???? I think my mouth literally dropped open as I saw a real life person in 2017 use a flask â not in an homage to another eraâ-but as a way to get out of paying a few bucks for some alcohol. He slyly looked at me as though I was in on his secret to rip off the bar he chose for us to meet at, and I think he took my look of pure disgust as interest as he continued to talk. And, not only did he whip out his flask, but he kept adding more of whatever was in it to his drink to make it more and more potent- because showing off how much alcohol you can take is so very attractive to women.
He asked me about the previous night, and I again explained that my phone had died and I had had tickets, and I didnât understand his plans, when he cuts me off and said. Yeah he waited to pick me up but itâs a good thing that we didnât meet up as he PASSED OUT in the car that he wanted to drive me home in. I can really pick âem, canât I? So I asked him what he did for a living. Given that heâs sneaking drinks and is over 40 and has several roommates, Iâm guessing, that whatever it is, heâs not at the top of his field. Now, if you canât describe what you do for a living in two words or less, then just be honest with the world and say you donât have a fucking job and youâre a dead beat whoâs not interested in working , just scamming the system, just be honest with yourselfâor at least me. He noted several times that he felt an instant connection between us (obviously his sensors were way off) and wondered why he could never move beyond a first meeting. I would loved to have spelled it out for him, but not wanting to prolong the painful evening, I kept my mouth shut. As he continued to complain about women and his life I tried to drown my beer as quickly as possible. When the bartender cane over to ask us if we wanted anything else, I blurted our âNOâ before he could order another Ginger Ale and begged for the check. Now, I have a rule that if Iâm so incredibly turned off by a guy, Iâll pay my own way no hemming or hawing, just an insistence that Iâm going to give the establishment money in exchange for the items I consumed, Iâm not offering to pay for them, just myself. I donât want to owe anyone anything especially if that person repulses me. So I slapped down a $20 bill-which more then would have covered my one drink and tip and should have yielded some changeâ-when my very classy date grabbed my money, stuffed it in his wallet, took out his debit card and paid the bill not leaving a tip. So basically, I paid him for such a memorable and lovely evening. I was stunned and literally speechless. So while in shock, I grabbed my stuff and started to hightail it to my car, while the asshole trailed behind me. Heâs going on and on about how great the evening went (I pity his other evenings that this one was so great in comparison to others) and Iâm rushing to get inside the car and get away from him, I say good bye (no, âIâll see you laterâ or âit was niceâ) just a regular plain âGood Byeâ and left.
As soon as I got home I texted him that he should never contact me again, blocked him from my media and I realize that I should have told him what he did wrong so he could never impose his Neanderthalic manners on anyone else...but I didnât, so I would like to formally apologize to anyone who is unfortunate enough to encounter him. Iâm so very very sorry.













