Pairing: Baelor "Breakspear" Targaryen x female!reader
Summary: You spend time with Ser Duncan as your mind starts to play against you, in King's Landing there are discussions about the sickness that is spreading across the Kingdom. [5.6k]
Content: Canon divergent / non-canon, second wife reader, angst, mention of other characters, grief, guilt, mentions of sickness, depression hints, nightmares, deprecating thoughts, sleep deprivation, targaryen family stress. No use of Y/N.
A/N: I cannot believe it, 1k followers!!! I love you all so much and thank you for enjoying this as much as I do! I send you all a kiss wherever you want it!
Disclaimer: English is NOT my first language so this may as well be written with my eyes closed and half delusional brain. Hope you enjoy it! NOT PROOF READ AT ALL!!!
Masterlist ✦ (16) < Series Masterlist > (18) ✦ Read on A03
The air around you felt heavy, almost as if it was warning you of something you could not quite place. It was a strange how a simple feeling could nag your mind for the rest of a day or a week.
You liked Dragonstone, that was plain for all to see, but even some days you could feel like you were drowning; despite of where you were and the company that surrounded you.
Today was a bad day, you woke up feeling stranded, without hopes of leaving your bed, yet you forced yourself to not fell down that hole.
You knew what to do, how to manage these kinds of downs whenever they presented themselves to you; forcing yourself to distract your mind.
A change of scenery was all that you needed, doing something outside the stony walls and a good conversation could do it for you.
“I wish to go riding for a while" you informed Ser Duncan and Aegon while you broke fast “Would you mind to join me?"
Ser Duncan was quick to lower the spoon that was about to connect with his mouth, clearing his throat “Of course, we will go with you, my Lady"
"I have my lessons” Aegon said reluctantly, knowing that you were not happy when he missed out on them. “I cannot go with you, Auntie"
“Oh! That is correct" you murmured, now realizing your wandering would have to wait. You did put Aegon’s education first “That is fine, we can go another time"
Aegon did not like the way your face fell when you learned that he could not join. “I am sorry, Auntie"
You waved him off with a smile that did not quite reached your eyes, the kind you used to mask your real feelings. "Do not worry, Sweet boy, I will go read for a while. Riding can wait”
But Egg knew better. He was a little too perceptive for his age. “Perhaps Ser Duncan could join you, Auntie?”
At his suggestion, Ser Duncan's gaze snapped to the boy. It was not like he was afraid of spending time with you— or afraid of you in general— but he felt like he had no business to be in the presence of a Lady such as yourself.
Yes, you were always so kind towards him, except for that time when you were grieving your daughter so freshly, but he felt like you did not trust him nor you wanted him there. He knew his presence had been forced upon you, that maybe him joining you to Dragonstone was merely to have Egg join you as well.
You shot Aegon a smile, grateful for his input “That it is a great idea, Egg” you looked at Ser Duncan, whose eyes were shooting daggers at the child "But I am sure Ser Duncan is busy training later"
“I am sure he is not" Egg insisted, ignoring the glances Ser Duncan was shooting at him “He can join you, can't you, Ser?"
The man had no option than to accept reluctantly, nodding towards you with a tight, fake smile “Of course, my Lady. I will escort you"
…
Ser Duncan insisted on him being the one to ready the horses, he prepared a beautiful white mare for you and a hazel brown horse for him. Both of them were tame and friendly, calm and steady.
Once you mounted and started to ride away, you had hoped that Ser Duncan would follow by your side, but no, the man decided to follow a few distance behind, as a lurking guard.
“You know, Ser" your voice cut through the whispers of the wind that surrounded you “I do not bite, I am as friendly as these horses"
“I know, milady" was his answer, he offered not other words.
"Why do you think I invited you to join?” Your voice was gently, genuinely curiosity lacing your tone.
The question took him by surprise, not knowing how to respond “To guard you?"
You hummed softly, one of your hands caressing your mare's mane "Perhaps, but I enjoy company and conversations as well”
“I- I am sorry the lad could not join, but he is adamant of not disappointing you" Ser Duncan quickly muttered, his words trampling over one another.
Silence followed his words for a few moments while you allowed yourself to enjoy the view around you. If there was something you liked from Dragonstone, you could firmly say it was its views and tranquility. There, despite the constant storms and cold winds, calm was something that reigned, allowing you to hear your thoughts and form any resemblance of relaxation, too different from court.
You pulled at the reigns of your horse, stopping her calmly, waiting for Ser Duncan to join you side. He did not, he merely stopped his own horse a few steps from yours. Sometimes, the man was a little thick, but again, he was a man. They always needed things to be explained for them to hear or comprehend, you had learned as much.
“Ser, would you be so kind as to ride next to me? I like company and conversation" You asked him finally, too tired to keep hinting at him what you wanted. “On contrary to beliefs, I am not a woman who enjoys solitude"
“I believe it is not proper —" he started saying, like a parrot, a phrase you had heard a lot since you had found yourself in his company.
"There is no one here, Ser” You interrupted him, waving your hand dismissively “And I merely intend for us to resemble some kind of friendship, nothing more"
The tall man tilted his head, making him look like a lost puppy "Friendship, my Lady? I am nothing but a hedge knight”
A smile grazed your lips, it was not the kind you used when you found something amusing, rather the one that tugged at your lips without thinking about it; a kind smile. "Oh, but you are not a hedge knight anymore, are you, Ser?” you waited for the realization settled in him "You are now serving House Targaryen, remember?"
You could see how speechless the man was, obviously realizing for the first time that he was, indeed, a knight. Simply as that. He was not a hedge knight anymore.
“And that means" you continued, your expression kind and reassuring "that you answer to those from House Targaryen, am I wrong?"
“You are not wrong, my Lady” He was quick to respond. "I do think you are hardly wrong”
A small laugh left your lips, a sound rich and amused "That is the first time someone admit the truth of it"
He offered you a small smile, his teeth barely showing. It made him look young, something difficult given the volume of the man that he was.
With a tilt of your head, you dared ask “May I ask how old are you, Ser?"
"I am 20 years old, I believe” He answered you in honesty.
You could not believe your ears, you knew the Knight was young, of course, but you could not believe he was Valarr's age. Ser Duncan did look older than his real age.
With a few blinks of your eyelids, you quickly regained your words “You are my son's Valarr age, you look older” a pause "though I suppose your height has something to do with it"
Ser Duncan offered a embarrassed smile, his cheeks tainted with a faint shade of red. “So I am told, my Lady" he looked away from you, not being able to manage holding your gaze for long.
You returned his smile with one of yours, though the one you offered was filled with kindness and some traces of maternal warmth. Learning that he was as old as Valarr did something to your heart. You already had a soft spot for the Knight and the newfound information only softened your heart further.
"You are really young” You observed "Your face does give you away, that glint in your eyes too"
"You are too young to have a son my age, my Lady" he said bluntly, quickly blushing when he realized what he had blurted out "I- I mean no disrespect—”
A soft chuckle left your lips “None taken, do not worry" you paused, staring at him a way that showed him you were not bothered by his comment “Your words are indeed true but my husband's children are not mine by blood and I am indeed a few years younger than my husband"
“Oh, that…” he scratched the back of his head, looking down from your observing gaze “that makes sense"
“Come" you said, gripping my the reigns tight and heeling your mare to start walking "Let us enjoy a ride while we talk"
Ser Duncan offered a nod, now riding a bit closer but still maintaining some distance from you.
You could not help but notice how fit he was to be a Knight. Apart from the physical aspect that was in truth intimidating, he had that kind of unwavering loyalty, plus his noble intentions. It was almost sealed that he would serve House Targaryen for many years to come.
It was a while before any of you muttered a word, both too lost in each of your minds.
However, you could clearly hear the thoughts and questions swirling in his mind. He was curious but he always refrained himself from asking, from being too forward.
You decided to break the silence after a while “You can ask, Ser" a nod and a smile was sent his way “I will answer to the best of my capacities"
He quickly shook his head, “No, milady. I have no questions"
"I believe you have a lot of questions, Ser” you responded in amusement, he had so quickly denied that he could have hurt his neck. “In truth, I do not mind if you do ask"
Ser Duncan sighed slightly, apparently weighing his options, trying to convince himself to keep his mouth sealed but at last, his curiosity won. "Have you and Prince Baelor been married for long, my Lady?”
You offered him a smile, forcing your mare to slow her pace to match the one of Ser Duncan's horse "Good question” you praised his curiosity.
You liked when people was curious but not prying, being a curios people yourself. The Gods know there was only one way to satisfy your nature of good intention curiosity; by asking questions.
"We have not” you answered with a soft smile "It has been a really short time since we got married, though I am grateful I managed to be received well by his family”
He nodded with a soft smile, mirroring slightly your own. "If you do not mind me asking…” he waited for your encouraging nod to continue "You say that Prince Baelor is a bit older than you, have you been married before, my Lady?"
You offered him a shook of your head, the smile not leaving your lips "I have not, I was basically a spinster when I met my husband”
Ser Duncan blinked at you, surprised “Oh"
A smile graced your lips at his reaction “Oh, indeed" you chuckled "My House is not one of the biggest or important on Westeros, it was not easy to strike a marriage deal." you explained him with a soft voice “My parents did not mind but they still tried for me to find some sort of happiness, I guess”
"How did you met Prince Baelor?" Ser Duncan asked you, his inhibitions finally deciding to give in favor of curiosity.
"We met at a gathering in King's Landing, I was hiding in the gardens and he found me" a nostalgic smile grazed your lips while your gaze focused on the landscape in front of you. "We found ourselves intrigued with one another rather quickly" you chuckled softly, shaking your head "Three moons later, we were married”
“I always thought the marriages of high born Lords and Ladies were merely driven by political interests?” He asked in a cautious voice.
"Most of the time, they are” you nodded along, your eyes meeting his for a few moments "Though in this case Baelor had been married before, he had served his duty and King Daeron allowed him to marry me without so much as a fuzz"
Your conversation with the Knight draw long, talking about the most ordinary things and some a bit more complex. The time away from the castle helped you clear your mind, find some resemblance of peace.
Ser Duncan was a refreshing man, that much you had known since the moment you set your eyes on him, now learning that he was Valarr's age had something within you awakening, a strong feeling of teach him, guide him and make sure you do everything in your power to protect him.
Yes, you were aware that he was a big man, yet he was still so innocent to a lot of aspects of life, making you feel like a mama bear, the same way you felt about Baelor's sons as well as Maekar's children.
Sharing the day with Ser Duncan, your mind could not help but wonder to thoughts of your family, of your husband and children. Yes, Valarr and Matarys were your children, as far as you were concerned, it didn't matter if your age was a tad closer to Valarr's than to Baelor's or that you have not birthed them, you could and would give your life for them without second guessing yourself.
You just hoped they were alright, you knew it was not like they needed you, but they had you regardless.
…
“A sickness? What kind of sickness?" Maekar asked, his posture on the chair far from proper.
The Small Council was reunited in its chambers, everyone at present having been called on by Baelor as soon as he got the news of said sickness.
Present was King Daeron, Queen Myriah, Maekar, Valarr and Baelor, as well as the rest of the Small Council.
“The only thing the letter from the Maester at the Citadel said was to be careful, it is a sickness that can bring the strongest warrior down in half a day" Baelor's voice was foreign to his own ears, blood rushing and dread settling in his chest.
It was not the first time they had to gather for a matter resembling the one at hand, though the air at the moment reeked of something more than smoke and candle wax. It reeked of something rooting, of insecurity and knowledge of things too far for them to handle.
"What are our options?” Asked Queen Myriah, her tone laced with worry.
“Close the roads as everyone has done, avoiding for the sickness to spread” Baelor murmured from his place at the table.
“What about the docks? Merchants and fishers would try to come here to sell their products” Valarr pointed out, bringing the fact to the other's attention.
"That would present a problem” Maekar murmured, slugging in his chair, receiving a scolding look from his mother.
Baelor rubbed his forehead, his mind swirling with ideas for trying to find a solution of the problem at hand.
“We close those to, station guards to avoid any entrance of people. We cannot let this sickness to extend" King Daeron suggested, his already aged face looking more wrinkled in favor of stress and concern.
“What about your Lady wife, Baelor?" Queen Myriah asked her oldest in concern, knowing her Good-daughter was practically alone in an island far from them.
Baelor clenched his jaw, not wanting to think of you alone in Dragonstone “I will send word for Dragonstone to be closed, the sickness will not reach her"
The chambers of the Small Council fell silent, everyone could see the sheer passion Prince Baelor held for his wife, how set he was on protecting her for any kind of harm.
"Mayhaps that could be a solution” Maekar murmured after a few moments of silence "Dragonstone, I mean”
“What do you mean, Maekar?" King Daeron asked, his head slightly tilted to look at his youngest.
“Dragonstone is far safer than King's Landing" Maekar said with a shrug, as if it was obvious “Perhaps it would be wise for you to go there" he said directly looking at King Daeron.
“A king must not desert his people in times of crisis" King Daemon said firmly, his voice not leaving any room to discussion. “Though I must admit, you might not be wrong, Maekar"
A frown was etched in his younger son's face, as well as in many others in the room.
“What can you mean, Grandsire?" Valarr dared to question.
“While a King must not desert his people, I believe my duty it is to protect the stability of the Realm." King Daeron stayed silent for a few moments, weighting his options “My heirs must be put at safe. Baelor and Maekar," he turned to look at both his sons, his gaze full with the softness he reserved for them “you shall take your children and travel to Dragonstone effect immediate"
Various complaining voices were heard as soon as King Daeron uttered those words, of course his children did not want to leave him in King's Landing and leave for Dragonstone, they thought him insane.
"We will not leave, Father” Baelor voice was firm “We stay together as a family, you want to send the children away, that is fine" he shared a look with Maekar before nodding “but Maekar and I are staying"
King Daeron smiled at both of his boys as if they were still little, "Oh, but I am not asking as your father, my boys. I am commanding you to leave for Dragonstone as soon as possible.”
Baelor clenched his jaw, he could not go against his King's wishes. Maekar, however, had a very different opinion on the matter. “Fuck that, we are not going anywhere!"
Maekar could instantly hear a lot of chiding around him, he payed them no mind. They should be used to his blunt mouth by now.
“I am your King and I am commanding you to do something, Maekar!" King Daeron’s voice was firmer, staring at his youngest son dead in the eye. "I will not risk you or your children”
“But you will risk yourself!" Maekar threw back at him “You are the Crown, you are the one we must protect!”
“No, I am already old and if I die it would make no difference” King Daeron exclaimed firmly “My sons and grandchildren are the future of the Crown. I need to secure my heirs’ security"
“Make no difference, he says" Maekar murmured in anger “Of course it would make a difference!"
“I am destined to die sooner than later, you still have years on you.” King Daeron's words were firm, coming from a place of utter love "You are to still meet any grandchildren you are gifted with”
"Grandfather, we could stay here, help manage the crisis that is set to come” Valarr said with diplomacy and calm, trying to convince the King.
King Daeron held one hand up, halting anyone's words before they dared to even open their mouths "I have made my mind up” he turned to look at his wife, Queen Myriah "And you shall take your mother with you"
“Absolutely not" Queen Myriah's words were sharp and firm, facing her husband with her chin raised high. “I am staying with you"
"My Dear Sun—”
“Save your sweet words, Daeron. I am staying by your side" Queen Myriah said, cutting off her husband.
After a few moments of staring into her brown eyes, King Daeron finally nodded, knowing there was no way to winning that argument against his wife.
He then turned to address his sons "As for you, my mind has not been changed. I want you and your children to part for Dragonstone in no longer than two days”
King Daeron stood up, a clear signal that the meeting was adjourned, Queen Myriah following him, not before shooting her sons a gentle smile.
Once the heavy doors of the chambers were closed, Maekar turned to glare at Baelor "You cannot agree with him!"
"I don't” Baelor confirmed, a sigh leaving his throat “yet there is nothing that I can do to change his mind"
"You are his Hand, you are supposed to offer him your counsel!” Maekar snapped at him, furious with the arrangements— rather command— their father had set up on them.
Baelor collapsed on a chair, already too tired, with too many thoughts and emotions messing his head "I offered my counsel, but not even I can refuse an order from my King”
Everyone who was still in the Small Council's chambers could see the toll it was taking on both brothers to listen to King Daeron's orders. It was a hard decision, yes, but they could not say they disagreed. Those who had feelings on the line were the ones having a hard time accepting it.
Every Lord knew it was a smart move, having the heirs in safety meant securing safety for the Realm after hard times that were set to come.
"Maybe I could persuade father for me to stay back with them” Maekar murmured deep in thought, more to his brother than to anyone else still in the room "After all, the direct heirs are you and your children”
“I do not think father is going to bend his arm to your will this time, Maekar. Have in mind that his concern is not only for the Realm" Baelor's voice was calm, even if beneath the calmness everything that was feeling at the moment was hiding.
At his brother's words, Maekar left out a heavy groan, knowing he was right. "I despise when you are correct”
“What heaviness of such burned" Baelor murmured, massaging his temples to try to release a bit of the ever growing pressure in his head. “We must prepare, we part for Dragonstone in two days time, as ordered” he said to his brother and eldest son.
With reluctant nods, everyone left the Council's chambers to ready whatever it had to be prepared.
Baelor followed suit, but instead of going to his chambers, he went on towards his solar. He had been avoiding his chambers ever since you left, in his eyes, there was no reason for him to be there if you were not with him.
Besides, his haunting nightmares were persuasion enough to be away from there.
Once in his solar, he took upon himself to respond to matters that had to be tended to. Yes, most of that responsibilities had fallen under Maekar when he was set to leave for Dragonstone to apologize, but since he was not able to follow as planned, he might as well finish them.
He worked on his duties for hours, not stopping to even glance up, he needed to get his mind away from worry and other concerns or he would explode. Besides, it was his way to fight sleep, keeping focus on things that really needed it.
Sooner than later, all those sleepless night caught up to him, leaving him feeling tired and drowsy. He tried to fight against it with all his being, though it was proven impossible.
He started to snooze off on his chair, his hand still holding the quill that he was using to respond to Lord Tyrell’s worrisome letter and soon enough, sleep pulled him to darkness.
…
A dark room. Entirely dark, except for the single lot candle.
It was all Baelor could see, it did not matter if he moved, if he walked; he reached nothing. It was never ending darkness that surrounded him.
He kept walking, looking around, holding the candle. Hoping to reach something, someone, somewhere.
It was futile, there was no one there with him, he was alone.
“Hello? Is there someone here?" Baelor heard himself asking into the silence.
No sound could be heard, even when he kept calling at the darkness.
He kept on walking, hoping to find something more than darkness.
A flickering light caught his eye, it was far but there. It was as if it called his name.
Baelor decided to follow, looking for a clue of where he was. The air around kept him feeling weary and alert, as if waiting for something bad to happen.
Once he got closer to the light, he made sense of the figure; it was an old woman holding a lamp.
She was staring at him under a hood, though he could not see her eyes, he could feel them settled in him.
“Baelor Targaryen" the woman called, her voice firm and void of any gentleness. " You have failed them”
His breath hitched, staring at the woman with fear.
“Them?" he dared ask. He knew who she was referring but curiosity still got the best of him.
She started walking, prompting him with a wave of her hand to follow her. With each step, their surrounding began lightening up, showing light from candles and from the sun.
"You failed them” She said once again when she finally stopped, he could feel her gaze on him again.
The old woman moved, showing to him what she meant for him to see.
In front of him, a heartbreaking picture.
He could recognize the room, it was the chambers were you reside in Ashford Meadow, you were sitting in the bed with a white night gown. There was a handful of people around you but all he could focus on was you.
You, with your hair messed and damped, face flushed. Sweat ran down your face and neck. The looks of you were ones of pain, your brow scrunched up and your breathing labored.
You were screaming something, you were screaming at someone…
“You failed her" The old woman repeated her words once again and Baelor could finally make the resemblance. She was the Crone.
He could recognize her now, the face of the Crone of the Faith of the Seven.
His eyes quickly found your suffering form again, this time, he could hear everything that was happening.
You were screaming in pain and calling for him.
"I need Baelor” you sobbed, screaming in pain.
"Get out! This babe will not be born today!” you cried, doubling from the intense pain that you were feeling.
Baelor's heart was screaming at him to do something, anything, but he could not move, could not do anything.
“I need Baelor" you cried "Bring me Baelor, I need him, please” you begged in desperation.
“I cannot do this without him" you sobbed, groaning in pain.
Baelor took a step forward, wanting to reach for you. "I am here, my love!”
The Crone hold his forearm, stopping him from walking further. “There is nothing you can do for her now”
He gulped the knot in his throat, his eyes shining with unshed tears “Let me hold her, help her, please"
"There is nothing you can do” The voice of the old woman told him once again, firm and cold. “You already failed them, this already happened"
His gaze found your form once again, he could watch the way you cried in agony, fear was palpably taking hold of you “I can't, I can't do this alone" he could hear your painful words.
After torturous minutes, he could heard how they instructed to push, final one, they said. He watched in real time how you brought your beautiful baby girl into the world.
His breath paused in his lungs, his face mirrored yours when he realized there had not been a cry.
“No" he whispered, his voice broken “You have to cry, baby girl. Do it for your mama, she needs you"
He longed for a noise, a fuzz, a cry. It did not come, he could see the Maester and midwives move around, trying to aid the little bundle to breath, to cry. All of it turned to be unsuccessful.
Baelor turned his gaze away from the team working on your daughter, turning to look at you instead. He did not know which scene was more devastating.
He tried, with all his being to reach for you but something kept holding him back, stuck in his place.
Baelor had to watch when they handed you your baby girl, how you had wept and screamed in pain. He could see her now, your baby. Oh, she was beautiful.
“You failed them” the Crone said once again. "You failed them. You failed them, you failed them!”
…
Baelor woke up in a cold sweat, his heart hammering inside his chest while a shiver ran up his spine.
Those dreams kept plaguing his mind every time he fell asleep, even for a few moments.
This exact same dream he did not take slightly, he was more than convinced that it was a way the Gods found to not letting him forget his failings.
Sometimes it was that exact same dream, sometimes it was a dream of you drowning or you throwing yourself from a window.
He had been avoiding sleep as much as he could lately, he did not want to replay your suffering again and again but it was not something he could control. Most of the time he fell asleep when he was too tired to fight it, snoozing off onto his desk or on a chair.
He could not bear it, it was becoming too much for his fragile mind but he knew he had to find it within him to do it. He was not near put through the suffering you were, a right to complain or to quit was not something he had.
He shook off the remaining of sleep that still clawed at him, standing up from the chair he was sitting in and walking to pour himself a cup of Dornish red, it would help him to calm his mind, he hoped.
The headaches were another thing he could not seem to shake since he got back from Ashford Meadow, it always started as something light, merely a bother and then grew to something almost unbearable.
Of course, the nightmares didn't help, on the contrary, his head never failed to hurt when he was startled awake by it.
He hoped that, with time, it all would go away— both nightmares and headaches— but hoping was not the same as making it a reality. He very well doubted he would be able to get rid of it.
…
Everything was ready, at least that was what it appeared. Baelor could not help but feel something nagging at the back of his mind.
He could feel that something was wrong, he could not quite place what it was, but regardless, that feeling had him on edge.
Baelor was observing how everyone readied his things, his parents were staring at them from a distance. Maekar was making sure his children got together and were calm enough to make it to the docks. Valarr and Kiera were holding hands beside him, while Matarys was by his grandmother's side, not too contempt with leaving them behind.
Everything seemed in place, until it wasn't.
He had noticed before, how quickly the sickness was spreading, news of the people of King's Landing falling sick with it were quick to get to them, prompting them to close the castle to anyone until them could make the travel for Dragonstone.
Baelor had hoped it would not get to them, they had been careful, they had. The only thing that was expecting them was Dragonstone and then his sons would be safe, he remained himself as much.
Even then, the pit in his stomach only continued to grow as time kept advancing, he merely brushed it off as his lack of sleep or his prominent headaches. He considered it was some kind of nervousness because he would be in front of you, facing you, sooner than later. It wasn't.
He should have known better, he should.
Valarr had been looking pale since the day before, but again, the matter at hand had them all at the edge of their seats, stress eating at them slowly but surely.
Baelor had thought nothing of the paleness that seemed to cling to his son's skin, he should have been paying attention.
“We are almost ready to depart, my Prince" Ser Donnel informed Baelor, nodding respectfully.
Baelor nodded back, his mind mostly preoccupied "Yes. Thank you, Ser Donnel"
Time passed progressively quick, while the ones set to travel said their goodbyes and tried not to hard to think about what it meant leaving the reigning monarchs behind, the health of one of their own kept decaying without anyone to notice.
It was not until said person fell to the floor, in a fit of coughs he could not longer hold back that everyone got to the gruesome realization of what the sickness truly meant; something horrifyingly scary.
Everyone present tried to make their way to help the one fallen, yet he raised a hand in midst of his coughing fit "Do not—”
“Valarr" Baelor tried to help his oldest son “Let us—"
"No!” he coughed again, forcing himself to stand on shaking legs "I will not have you get sick” he wheezed as the cough threatened to make him fall again.
Baelor wanted to cry, he wanted to drop to his knees and ask for the Gods’ forgiveness, ask them to let him pay his dues, to spare his family.
His first born, his son that most resembled him, his baby was sick, and there was nothing he could do to make it better.
Finally he understood what the Crone kept telling him in his dreams.
You failed them
And sadly, he had not only failed you, but everyone around him.
do not copy, reupload, translate or feed to artificial intelligence.
Pairing: Baelor "Breakspear" Targaryen x female!reader
Summary: You spend time with Ser Duncan as your mind starts to play against you, in King's Landing there are discussions about the sickness that is spreading across the Kingdom. [5.6k]
Content: Canon divergent / non-canon, second wife reader, angst, mention of other characters, grief, guilt, mentions of sickness, depression hints, nightmares, deprecating thoughts, sleep deprivation, targaryen family stress. No use of Y/N.
A/N: I cannot believe it, 1k followers!!! I love you all so much and thank you for enjoying this as much as I do! I send you all a kiss wherever you want it!
Disclaimer: English is NOT my first language so this may as well be written with my eyes closed and half delusional brain. Hope you enjoy it! NOT PROOF READ AT ALL!!!
Masterlist ✦ (16) < Series Masterlist > (18) ✦ Read on A03
The air around you felt heavy, almost as if it was warning you of something you could not quite place. It was a strange how a simple feeling could nag your mind for the rest of a day or a week.
You liked Dragonstone, that was plain for all to see, but even some days you could feel like you were drowning; despite of where you were and the company that surrounded you.
Today was a bad day, you woke up feeling stranded, without hopes of leaving your bed, yet you forced yourself to not fell down that hole.
You knew what to do, how to manage these kinds of downs whenever they presented themselves to you; forcing yourself to distract your mind.
A change of scenery was all that you needed, doing something outside the stony walls and a good conversation could do it for you.
“I wish to go riding for a while" you informed Ser Duncan and Aegon while you broke fast “Would you mind to join me?"
Ser Duncan was quick to lower the spoon that was about to connect with his mouth, clearing his throat “Of course, we will go with you, my Lady"
"I have my lessons” Aegon said reluctantly, knowing that you were not happy when he missed out on them. “I cannot go with you, Auntie"
“Oh! That is correct" you murmured, now realizing your wandering would have to wait. You did put Aegon’s education first “That is fine, we can go another time"
Aegon did not like the way your face fell when you learned that he could not join. “I am sorry, Auntie"
You waved him off with a smile that did not quite reached your eyes, the kind you used to mask your real feelings. "Do not worry, Sweet boy, I will go read for a while. Riding can wait”
But Egg knew better. He was a little too perceptive for his age. “Perhaps Ser Duncan could join you, Auntie?”
At his suggestion, Ser Duncan's gaze snapped to the boy. It was not like he was afraid of spending time with you— or afraid of you in general— but he felt like he had no business to be in the presence of a Lady such as yourself.
Yes, you were always so kind towards him, except for that time when you were grieving your daughter so freshly, but he felt like you did not trust him nor you wanted him there. He knew his presence had been forced upon you, that maybe him joining you to Dragonstone was merely to have Egg join you as well.
You shot Aegon a smile, grateful for his input “That it is a great idea, Egg” you looked at Ser Duncan, whose eyes were shooting daggers at the child "But I am sure Ser Duncan is busy training later"
“I am sure he is not" Egg insisted, ignoring the glances Ser Duncan was shooting at him “He can join you, can't you, Ser?"
The man had no option than to accept reluctantly, nodding towards you with a tight, fake smile “Of course, my Lady. I will escort you"
…
Ser Duncan insisted on him being the one to ready the horses, he prepared a beautiful white mare for you and a hazel brown horse for him. Both of them were tame and friendly, calm and steady.
Once you mounted and started to ride away, you had hoped that Ser Duncan would follow by your side, but no, the man decided to follow a few distance behind, as a lurking guard.
“You know, Ser" your voice cut through the whispers of the wind that surrounded you “I do not bite, I am as friendly as these horses"
“I know, milady" was his answer, he offered not other words.
"Why do you think I invited you to join?” Your voice was gently, genuinely curiosity lacing your tone.
The question took him by surprise, not knowing how to respond “To guard you?"
You hummed softly, one of your hands caressing your mare's mane "Perhaps, but I enjoy company and conversations as well”
“I- I am sorry the lad could not join, but he is adamant of not disappointing you" Ser Duncan quickly muttered, his words trampling over one another.
Silence followed his words for a few moments while you allowed yourself to enjoy the view around you. If there was something you liked from Dragonstone, you could firmly say it was its views and tranquility. There, despite the constant storms and cold winds, calm was something that reigned, allowing you to hear your thoughts and form any resemblance of relaxation, too different from court.
You pulled at the reigns of your horse, stopping her calmly, waiting for Ser Duncan to join you side. He did not, he merely stopped his own horse a few steps from yours. Sometimes, the man was a little thick, but again, he was a man. They always needed things to be explained for them to hear or comprehend, you had learned as much.
“Ser, would you be so kind as to ride next to me? I like company and conversation" You asked him finally, too tired to keep hinting at him what you wanted. “On contrary to beliefs, I am not a woman who enjoys solitude"
“I believe it is not proper —" he started saying, like a parrot, a phrase you had heard a lot since you had found yourself in his company.
"There is no one here, Ser” You interrupted him, waving your hand dismissively “And I merely intend for us to resemble some kind of friendship, nothing more"
The tall man tilted his head, making him look like a lost puppy "Friendship, my Lady? I am nothing but a hedge knight”
A smile grazed your lips, it was not the kind you used when you found something amusing, rather the one that tugged at your lips without thinking about it; a kind smile. "Oh, but you are not a hedge knight anymore, are you, Ser?” you waited for the realization settled in him "You are now serving House Targaryen, remember?"
You could see how speechless the man was, obviously realizing for the first time that he was, indeed, a knight. Simply as that. He was not a hedge knight anymore.
“And that means" you continued, your expression kind and reassuring "that you answer to those from House Targaryen, am I wrong?"
“You are not wrong, my Lady” He was quick to respond. "I do think you are hardly wrong”
A small laugh left your lips, a sound rich and amused "That is the first time someone admit the truth of it"
He offered you a small smile, his teeth barely showing. It made him look young, something difficult given the volume of the man that he was.
With a tilt of your head, you dared ask “May I ask how old are you, Ser?"
"I am 20 years old, I believe” He answered you in honesty.
You could not believe your ears, you knew the Knight was young, of course, but you could not believe he was Valarr's age. Ser Duncan did look older than his real age.
With a few blinks of your eyelids, you quickly regained your words “You are my son's Valarr age, you look older” a pause "though I suppose your height has something to do with it"
Ser Duncan offered a embarrassed smile, his cheeks tainted with a faint shade of red. “So I am told, my Lady" he looked away from you, not being able to manage holding your gaze for long.
You returned his smile with one of yours, though the one you offered was filled with kindness and some traces of maternal warmth. Learning that he was as old as Valarr did something to your heart. You already had a soft spot for the Knight and the newfound information only softened your heart further.
"You are really young” You observed "Your face does give you away, that glint in your eyes too"
"You are too young to have a son my age, my Lady" he said bluntly, quickly blushing when he realized what he had blurted out "I- I mean no disrespect—”
A soft chuckle left your lips “None taken, do not worry" you paused, staring at him a way that showed him you were not bothered by his comment “Your words are indeed true but my husband's children are not mine by blood and I am indeed a few years younger than my husband"
“Oh, that…” he scratched the back of his head, looking down from your observing gaze “that makes sense"
“Come" you said, gripping my the reigns tight and heeling your mare to start walking "Let us enjoy a ride while we talk"
Ser Duncan offered a nod, now riding a bit closer but still maintaining some distance from you.
You could not help but notice how fit he was to be a Knight. Apart from the physical aspect that was in truth intimidating, he had that kind of unwavering loyalty, plus his noble intentions. It was almost sealed that he would serve House Targaryen for many years to come.
It was a while before any of you muttered a word, both too lost in each of your minds.
However, you could clearly hear the thoughts and questions swirling in his mind. He was curious but he always refrained himself from asking, from being too forward.
You decided to break the silence after a while “You can ask, Ser" a nod and a smile was sent his way “I will answer to the best of my capacities"
He quickly shook his head, “No, milady. I have no questions"
"I believe you have a lot of questions, Ser” you responded in amusement, he had so quickly denied that he could have hurt his neck. “In truth, I do not mind if you do ask"
Ser Duncan sighed slightly, apparently weighing his options, trying to convince himself to keep his mouth sealed but at last, his curiosity won. "Have you and Prince Baelor been married for long, my Lady?”
You offered him a smile, forcing your mare to slow her pace to match the one of Ser Duncan's horse "Good question” you praised his curiosity.
You liked when people was curious but not prying, being a curios people yourself. The Gods know there was only one way to satisfy your nature of good intention curiosity; by asking questions.
"We have not” you answered with a soft smile "It has been a really short time since we got married, though I am grateful I managed to be received well by his family”
He nodded with a soft smile, mirroring slightly your own. "If you do not mind me asking…” he waited for your encouraging nod to continue "You say that Prince Baelor is a bit older than you, have you been married before, my Lady?"
You offered him a shook of your head, the smile not leaving your lips "I have not, I was basically a spinster when I met my husband”
Ser Duncan blinked at you, surprised “Oh"
A smile graced your lips at his reaction “Oh, indeed" you chuckled "My House is not one of the biggest or important on Westeros, it was not easy to strike a marriage deal." you explained him with a soft voice “My parents did not mind but they still tried for me to find some sort of happiness, I guess”
"How did you met Prince Baelor?" Ser Duncan asked you, his inhibitions finally deciding to give in favor of curiosity.
"We met at a gathering in King's Landing, I was hiding in the gardens and he found me" a nostalgic smile grazed your lips while your gaze focused on the landscape in front of you. "We found ourselves intrigued with one another rather quickly" you chuckled softly, shaking your head "Three moons later, we were married”
“I always thought the marriages of high born Lords and Ladies were merely driven by political interests?” He asked in a cautious voice.
"Most of the time, they are” you nodded along, your eyes meeting his for a few moments "Though in this case Baelor had been married before, he had served his duty and King Daeron allowed him to marry me without so much as a fuzz"
Your conversation with the Knight draw long, talking about the most ordinary things and some a bit more complex. The time away from the castle helped you clear your mind, find some resemblance of peace.
Ser Duncan was a refreshing man, that much you had known since the moment you set your eyes on him, now learning that he was Valarr's age had something within you awakening, a strong feeling of teach him, guide him and make sure you do everything in your power to protect him.
Yes, you were aware that he was a big man, yet he was still so innocent to a lot of aspects of life, making you feel like a mama bear, the same way you felt about Baelor's sons as well as Maekar's children.
Sharing the day with Ser Duncan, your mind could not help but wonder to thoughts of your family, of your husband and children. Yes, Valarr and Matarys were your children, as far as you were concerned, it didn't matter if your age was a tad closer to Valarr's than to Baelor's or that you have not birthed them, you could and would give your life for them without second guessing yourself.
You just hoped they were alright, you knew it was not like they needed you, but they had you regardless.
…
“A sickness? What kind of sickness?" Maekar asked, his posture on the chair far from proper.
The Small Council was reunited in its chambers, everyone at present having been called on by Baelor as soon as he got the news of said sickness.
Present was King Daeron, Queen Myriah, Maekar, Valarr and Baelor, as well as the rest of the Small Council.
“The only thing the letter from the Maester at the Citadel said was to be careful, it is a sickness that can bring the strongest warrior down in half a day" Baelor's voice was foreign to his own ears, blood rushing and dread settling in his chest.
It was not the first time they had to gather for a matter resembling the one at hand, though the air at the moment reeked of something more than smoke and candle wax. It reeked of something rooting, of insecurity and knowledge of things too far for them to handle.
"What are our options?” Asked Queen Myriah, her tone laced with worry.
“Close the roads as everyone has done, avoiding for the sickness to spread” Baelor murmured from his place at the table.
“What about the docks? Merchants and fishers would try to come here to sell their products” Valarr pointed out, bringing the fact to the other's attention.
"That would present a problem” Maekar murmured, slugging in his chair, receiving a scolding look from his mother.
Baelor rubbed his forehead, his mind swirling with ideas for trying to find a solution of the problem at hand.
“We close those to, station guards to avoid any entrance of people. We cannot let this sickness to extend" King Daeron suggested, his already aged face looking more wrinkled in favor of stress and concern.
“What about your Lady wife, Baelor?" Queen Myriah asked her oldest in concern, knowing her Good-daughter was practically alone in an island far from them.
Baelor clenched his jaw, not wanting to think of you alone in Dragonstone “I will send word for Dragonstone to be closed, the sickness will not reach her"
The chambers of the Small Council fell silent, everyone could see the sheer passion Prince Baelor held for his wife, how set he was on protecting her for any kind of harm.
"Mayhaps that could be a solution” Maekar murmured after a few moments of silence "Dragonstone, I mean”
“What do you mean, Maekar?" King Daeron asked, his head slightly tilted to look at his youngest.
“Dragonstone is far safer than King's Landing" Maekar said with a shrug, as if it was obvious “Perhaps it would be wise for you to go there" he said directly looking at King Daeron.
“A king must not desert his people in times of crisis" King Daemon said firmly, his voice not leaving any room to discussion. “Though I must admit, you might not be wrong, Maekar"
A frown was etched in his younger son's face, as well as in many others in the room.
“What can you mean, Grandsire?" Valarr dared to question.
“While a King must not desert his people, I believe my duty it is to protect the stability of the Realm." King Daeron stayed silent for a few moments, weighting his options “My heirs must be put at safe. Baelor and Maekar," he turned to look at both his sons, his gaze full with the softness he reserved for them “you shall take your children and travel to Dragonstone effect immediate"
Various complaining voices were heard as soon as King Daeron uttered those words, of course his children did not want to leave him in King's Landing and leave for Dragonstone, they thought him insane.
"We will not leave, Father” Baelor voice was firm “We stay together as a family, you want to send the children away, that is fine" he shared a look with Maekar before nodding “but Maekar and I are staying"
King Daeron smiled at both of his boys as if they were still little, "Oh, but I am not asking as your father, my boys. I am commanding you to leave for Dragonstone as soon as possible.”
Baelor clenched his jaw, he could not go against his King's wishes. Maekar, however, had a very different opinion on the matter. “Fuck that, we are not going anywhere!"
Maekar could instantly hear a lot of chiding around him, he payed them no mind. They should be used to his blunt mouth by now.
“I am your King and I am commanding you to do something, Maekar!" King Daeron’s voice was firmer, staring at his youngest son dead in the eye. "I will not risk you or your children”
“But you will risk yourself!" Maekar threw back at him “You are the Crown, you are the one we must protect!”
“No, I am already old and if I die it would make no difference” King Daeron exclaimed firmly “My sons and grandchildren are the future of the Crown. I need to secure my heirs’ security"
“Make no difference, he says" Maekar murmured in anger “Of course it would make a difference!"
“I am destined to die sooner than later, you still have years on you.” King Daeron's words were firm, coming from a place of utter love "You are to still meet any grandchildren you are gifted with”
"Grandfather, we could stay here, help manage the crisis that is set to come” Valarr said with diplomacy and calm, trying to convince the King.
King Daeron held one hand up, halting anyone's words before they dared to even open their mouths "I have made my mind up” he turned to look at his wife, Queen Myriah "And you shall take your mother with you"
“Absolutely not" Queen Myriah's words were sharp and firm, facing her husband with her chin raised high. “I am staying with you"
"My Dear Sun—”
“Save your sweet words, Daeron. I am staying by your side" Queen Myriah said, cutting off her husband.
After a few moments of staring into her brown eyes, King Daeron finally nodded, knowing there was no way to winning that argument against his wife.
He then turned to address his sons "As for you, my mind has not been changed. I want you and your children to part for Dragonstone in no longer than two days”
King Daeron stood up, a clear signal that the meeting was adjourned, Queen Myriah following him, not before shooting her sons a gentle smile.
Once the heavy doors of the chambers were closed, Maekar turned to glare at Baelor "You cannot agree with him!"
"I don't” Baelor confirmed, a sigh leaving his throat “yet there is nothing that I can do to change his mind"
"You are his Hand, you are supposed to offer him your counsel!” Maekar snapped at him, furious with the arrangements— rather command— their father had set up on them.
Baelor collapsed on a chair, already too tired, with too many thoughts and emotions messing his head "I offered my counsel, but not even I can refuse an order from my King”
Everyone who was still in the Small Council's chambers could see the toll it was taking on both brothers to listen to King Daeron's orders. It was a hard decision, yes, but they could not say they disagreed. Those who had feelings on the line were the ones having a hard time accepting it.
Every Lord knew it was a smart move, having the heirs in safety meant securing safety for the Realm after hard times that were set to come.
"Maybe I could persuade father for me to stay back with them” Maekar murmured deep in thought, more to his brother than to anyone else still in the room "After all, the direct heirs are you and your children”
“I do not think father is going to bend his arm to your will this time, Maekar. Have in mind that his concern is not only for the Realm" Baelor's voice was calm, even if beneath the calmness everything that was feeling at the moment was hiding.
At his brother's words, Maekar left out a heavy groan, knowing he was right. "I despise when you are correct”
“What heaviness of such burned" Baelor murmured, massaging his temples to try to release a bit of the ever growing pressure in his head. “We must prepare, we part for Dragonstone in two days time, as ordered” he said to his brother and eldest son.
With reluctant nods, everyone left the Council's chambers to ready whatever it had to be prepared.
Baelor followed suit, but instead of going to his chambers, he went on towards his solar. He had been avoiding his chambers ever since you left, in his eyes, there was no reason for him to be there if you were not with him.
Besides, his haunting nightmares were persuasion enough to be away from there.
Once in his solar, he took upon himself to respond to matters that had to be tended to. Yes, most of that responsibilities had fallen under Maekar when he was set to leave for Dragonstone to apologize, but since he was not able to follow as planned, he might as well finish them.
He worked on his duties for hours, not stopping to even glance up, he needed to get his mind away from worry and other concerns or he would explode. Besides, it was his way to fight sleep, keeping focus on things that really needed it.
Sooner than later, all those sleepless night caught up to him, leaving him feeling tired and drowsy. He tried to fight against it with all his being, though it was proven impossible.
He started to snooze off on his chair, his hand still holding the quill that he was using to respond to Lord Tyrell’s worrisome letter and soon enough, sleep pulled him to darkness.
…
A dark room. Entirely dark, except for the single lot candle.
It was all Baelor could see, it did not matter if he moved, if he walked; he reached nothing. It was never ending darkness that surrounded him.
He kept walking, looking around, holding the candle. Hoping to reach something, someone, somewhere.
It was futile, there was no one there with him, he was alone.
“Hello? Is there someone here?" Baelor heard himself asking into the silence.
No sound could be heard, even when he kept calling at the darkness.
He kept on walking, hoping to find something more than darkness.
A flickering light caught his eye, it was far but there. It was as if it called his name.
Baelor decided to follow, looking for a clue of where he was. The air around kept him feeling weary and alert, as if waiting for something bad to happen.
Once he got closer to the light, he made sense of the figure; it was an old woman holding a lamp.
She was staring at him under a hood, though he could not see her eyes, he could feel them settled in him.
“Baelor Targaryen" the woman called, her voice firm and void of any gentleness. " You have failed them”
His breath hitched, staring at the woman with fear.
“Them?" he dared ask. He knew who she was referring but curiosity still got the best of him.
She started walking, prompting him with a wave of her hand to follow her. With each step, their surrounding began lightening up, showing light from candles and from the sun.
"You failed them” She said once again when she finally stopped, he could feel her gaze on him again.
The old woman moved, showing to him what she meant for him to see.
In front of him, a heartbreaking picture.
He could recognize the room, it was the chambers were you reside in Ashford Meadow, you were sitting in the bed with a white night gown. There was a handful of people around you but all he could focus on was you.
You, with your hair messed and damped, face flushed. Sweat ran down your face and neck. The looks of you were ones of pain, your brow scrunched up and your breathing labored.
You were screaming something, you were screaming at someone…
“You failed her" The old woman repeated her words once again and Baelor could finally make the resemblance. She was the Crone.
He could recognize her now, the face of the Crone of the Faith of the Seven.
His eyes quickly found your suffering form again, this time, he could hear everything that was happening.
You were screaming in pain and calling for him.
"I need Baelor” you sobbed, screaming in pain.
"Get out! This babe will not be born today!” you cried, doubling from the intense pain that you were feeling.
Baelor's heart was screaming at him to do something, anything, but he could not move, could not do anything.
“I need Baelor" you cried "Bring me Baelor, I need him, please” you begged in desperation.
“I cannot do this without him" you sobbed, groaning in pain.
Baelor took a step forward, wanting to reach for you. "I am here, my love!”
The Crone hold his forearm, stopping him from walking further. “There is nothing you can do for her now”
He gulped the knot in his throat, his eyes shining with unshed tears “Let me hold her, help her, please"
"There is nothing you can do” The voice of the old woman told him once again, firm and cold. “You already failed them, this already happened"
His gaze found your form once again, he could watch the way you cried in agony, fear was palpably taking hold of you “I can't, I can't do this alone" he could hear your painful words.
After torturous minutes, he could heard how they instructed to push, final one, they said. He watched in real time how you brought your beautiful baby girl into the world.
His breath paused in his lungs, his face mirrored yours when he realized there had not been a cry.
“No" he whispered, his voice broken “You have to cry, baby girl. Do it for your mama, she needs you"
He longed for a noise, a fuzz, a cry. It did not come, he could see the Maester and midwives move around, trying to aid the little bundle to breath, to cry. All of it turned to be unsuccessful.
Baelor turned his gaze away from the team working on your daughter, turning to look at you instead. He did not know which scene was more devastating.
He tried, with all his being to reach for you but something kept holding him back, stuck in his place.
Baelor had to watch when they handed you your baby girl, how you had wept and screamed in pain. He could see her now, your baby. Oh, she was beautiful.
“You failed them” the Crone said once again. "You failed them. You failed them, you failed them!”
…
Baelor woke up in a cold sweat, his heart hammering inside his chest while a shiver ran up his spine.
Those dreams kept plaguing his mind every time he fell asleep, even for a few moments.
This exact same dream he did not take slightly, he was more than convinced that it was a way the Gods found to not letting him forget his failings.
Sometimes it was that exact same dream, sometimes it was a dream of you drowning or you throwing yourself from a window.
He had been avoiding sleep as much as he could lately, he did not want to replay your suffering again and again but it was not something he could control. Most of the time he fell asleep when he was too tired to fight it, snoozing off onto his desk or on a chair.
He could not bear it, it was becoming too much for his fragile mind but he knew he had to find it within him to do it. He was not near put through the suffering you were, a right to complain or to quit was not something he had.
He shook off the remaining of sleep that still clawed at him, standing up from the chair he was sitting in and walking to pour himself a cup of Dornish red, it would help him to calm his mind, he hoped.
The headaches were another thing he could not seem to shake since he got back from Ashford Meadow, it always started as something light, merely a bother and then grew to something almost unbearable.
Of course, the nightmares didn't help, on the contrary, his head never failed to hurt when he was startled awake by it.
He hoped that, with time, it all would go away— both nightmares and headaches— but hoping was not the same as making it a reality. He very well doubted he would be able to get rid of it.
…
Everything was ready, at least that was what it appeared. Baelor could not help but feel something nagging at the back of his mind.
He could feel that something was wrong, he could not quite place what it was, but regardless, that feeling had him on edge.
Baelor was observing how everyone readied his things, his parents were staring at them from a distance. Maekar was making sure his children got together and were calm enough to make it to the docks. Valarr and Kiera were holding hands beside him, while Matarys was by his grandmother's side, not too contempt with leaving them behind.
Everything seemed in place, until it wasn't.
He had noticed before, how quickly the sickness was spreading, news of the people of King's Landing falling sick with it were quick to get to them, prompting them to close the castle to anyone until them could make the travel for Dragonstone.
Baelor had hoped it would not get to them, they had been careful, they had. The only thing that was expecting them was Dragonstone and then his sons would be safe, he remained himself as much.
Even then, the pit in his stomach only continued to grow as time kept advancing, he merely brushed it off as his lack of sleep or his prominent headaches. He considered it was some kind of nervousness because he would be in front of you, facing you, sooner than later. It wasn't.
He should have known better, he should.
Valarr had been looking pale since the day before, but again, the matter at hand had them all at the edge of their seats, stress eating at them slowly but surely.
Baelor had thought nothing of the paleness that seemed to cling to his son's skin, he should have been paying attention.
“We are almost ready to depart, my Prince" Ser Donnel informed Baelor, nodding respectfully.
Baelor nodded back, his mind mostly preoccupied "Yes. Thank you, Ser Donnel"
Time passed progressively quick, while the ones set to travel said their goodbyes and tried not to hard to think about what it meant leaving the reigning monarchs behind, the health of one of their own kept decaying without anyone to notice.
It was not until said person fell to the floor, in a fit of coughs he could not longer hold back that everyone got to the gruesome realization of what the sickness truly meant; something horrifyingly scary.
Everyone present tried to make their way to help the one fallen, yet he raised a hand in midst of his coughing fit "Do not—”
“Valarr" Baelor tried to help his oldest son “Let us—"
"No!” he coughed again, forcing himself to stand on shaking legs "I will not have you get sick” he wheezed as the cough threatened to make him fall again.
Baelor wanted to cry, he wanted to drop to his knees and ask for the Gods’ forgiveness, ask them to let him pay his dues, to spare his family.
His first born, his son that most resembled him, his baby was sick, and there was nothing he could do to make it better.
Finally he understood what the Crone kept telling him in his dreams.
You failed them
And sadly, he had not only failed you, but everyone around him.
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I'm working on chapter 17 of my Baelor series in celebration, so it will come faster than expected!!!
Pairing: Baelor "Breakspear" Targaryen x female!reader
Summary: You adjust to the life at Dragonstone fairly quickly along with Egg and See Duncan, while still thinking about Baelor. Back in King's Landing, Baelor makes a decision. (4.5k)
Content: Canon divergent / non-canon, second wife reader, angst, mention of other characters, grief, guilt, targaryen family stress. No use of Y/N.
A/N: I'm reading your ideas of how you thing this should go! thank you for reading and loving this series as much as I love writing it!!
Disclaimer: English is NOT my first language so this may as well be written with my eyes closed and half delusional brain. Hope you enjoy it! NOT PROOF READ AT ALL!!!
Masterlist ✦ (15) < Series Masterlist > (17) ✦ Read on A03
The weather on Dragonstone was quite gloom, rain was pouring down the sky with roaring wings cutting through the silence of the stony castle. It should be intimidating, being surrounded by nothing but cold stone and more than thousand years of history yet you were not. It was the most peaceful you felt for a long time, exactly what you needed, to be honest.
It would everything be perfect if it wasn't for the fact that Aegon had gone missing. He had the tendency to roam away, leaving you to bite your nails out while hoping he was alright.
Naturally, once you saw him enter, wearing a sheepish expression in his face as soon as he noticed you, the stress evaporated partially from your shoulders.
“Egg! Where were you?" You asked the child once you saw him enter the hall of Dragonstone soaked from head to toe, having been caught in the rain moments before.
"I went to see the Dragonpitt here” When he saw your displeased expression, he was quick to clarify “I did not went in! I merely gazed at it from the outside"
You sighed loudly, moving to wrap him in a cloak "I shall ask for a bath to be prepared but you know that you should not explore the island alone”
He lowered his little head, ashamed “I know, Auntie. I am sorry" he looked at you with big apologetic eyes "I will not do it again”
"Alright, alright” you flashed him a smile, you were not able to stay mad at him for long "Go take a bath, I shall see you for supper”
As he nodded and turned to leave, you stopped him with a question “Where is Ser Duncan?"
"Training” He answered without a doubt.
"Still? He has been there since dawn”
Egg shrugged, making his way outside the Hall, not caring much for what the hedge knight was doing, he comprehended Ser Duncan’s desire to be better, to learn.
You pondered a moment if you should go check on him, you were indeed worried, the man had been outside all day.
Making up your mind, you wrapped yourself onto a warm cloak to keep the cold breeze from Dragonstone away, before making your way towards the training yard and there he was.
Ser Duncan was fighting against a training dummy, furiously swinging at it with his sword. It was noticeable that he was not that skilled at arms but he wasn't completely helpless either. He had the potential to be a great knight one day.
You stayed in your place, observing him for a while before speaking. It was obvious the man was lost in his own mind.
“I do not think the dummy is at fault for whatever is bothering you, Ser" Your voice cut through the yard, traveling along with the whistling air.
His head whipped towards you, quickly lowering his head in respect once he noticed it was you "My Lady Princess”
You waved him off “There is no need for such formality, Ser" with a smile, you added "You can call me simply by name”
He was quick to shook his head “I could never, my Lady"
You sighed with a smile "I gathered as much, Ser” a pause “I think you will be glad to know your squire has been found"
"Egg? Was he lost?” Ser Duncan asked with confusion writing all over his face.
“He is alright, he was exploring" You reassured the man “I could not help to notice that you have been spending a lot of time in these training grounds, Ser”
“I have, my Lady" He was quick to lower his head once again “I must apologize if it is not proper, I know I am here as a protector—"
You help up a hand, making him stop in his tracks "There is no need for an apology, you have done nothing wrong. I am merely curious”
"My Lady?”
“I can tell something is bothering you, Ser" your words were firm, trying to get information on whatever the problem was with the knight.
“You shouldn't worry yourself with the problems of a hedge knight, my Lady" He said bashful, shifting from one foot to another. He didn't know why your gaze was so intense that had him squirming in his place.
"Yet I find myself worrying” You answered firmly, your gaze not once moving away from his figure.
One look at you and he knew you will not let it go. He was learning each day that you were persistent.
“I merely want to be a better knight, I need to train and practice as much as I can, my Lady” Ser Duncan finally opened to you, voicing his concerns.
You hummed softly “Practice does makes perfect, I'm told"
He scratched the back of his head "I truly hope so, I must become a fine knight if I'm to serve Prince Baelor”
His words brought a smile to your lips, he was indeed loyal and dedicated. "Then you must hate that he sent you here to guard me when you could be learning from fine knights in King's Landing”
Ser Duncan quickly shook his head "Of course not, my Lady” he almost spat in nervousness "It is an honor to be here”
Humor was lacing your features "You do not need to lie, Ser. I am aware of how imposing this whole endeavor must be but my husband insisted for you to accompany me” You chuckled softly "I gather that it could mostly be because of Aegon, but still”
"Prince Baelor seems like a protective man” He commented quietly, his gaze briefly shifting to yours before quickly lowering it.
“He is" you confirmed “Yet he gives me freedom when he can" with a hum, you continued “Though I must admit I did not give him more option on the matter"
Ser Duncan stood there, shifting from foot to foot, his face showing his eagerness to feed his curiosity. You could tell he wanted to ask something.
“What is it, Ser?" You asked him, prompting him to get it out of his system.
“It is my fault, is it not?" he questioned after a few moments.
"You ought to be a tad more specific, Ser Duncan”
"The problems you are having with Prince Baelor. I am the one at blame, am I not?” He clarified, his gaze adverted.
“May I inquire about where this is coming from?" your voice was curious, yet you could point exactly where his mind was going.
“I was the reason Prince Baelor joined the Trial, I was the reason it everything went wrong"
You could not help the little laugh that left your lips, not at him, but at the absurdity of it. “Forgive me, Ser, but you did not force anyone's hand, definitely not Baelor's. You were simply defending an innocent from Aerion, you got twisted in a mess that did not smiled on you, resulting in the Trial. However, make no mistake, I blame Aerion for the most of it" you explained it to him “And his father and my husband. Baelor did not stop it, he allowed it for the sakes of how looks would reflect on the Crown, he then tried to right his wrongs by joining you, resulting in… well, everything that happened since”
He nodded along with your words "I cannot help but blame myself, if only I —”
“What? Allow them to cut your hand and leg? That was nonsense" You pointed out “You did nothing wrong, you are not a fault for other's decisions"
“But—"
"No, Ser. I apologize for the way I talked to you that day you went to apologize to me, the day of the Pyre funeral for my daughter” your voice was both firm and soft "Though I must admit I was not in sane mind that day” a bitter chuckle left your lips "I do not think I am to this day"
The knight was lost of words, it was clear for you. He was a fine knight with a heart of gold but he could be a bit thick sometimes. Well, all men were.
"Supper will be served in a few, I shall see you there, See Duncan” your tone left no space for refusal, he knew as much.
With a nod, you turned on your heels towards the inside of the castle, leaving him standing there.
In his mind, Ser Duncan could not help but admire your strong yet kind personality. He could not understand how you had managed to get through all you had gone through and still be kind towards him.
…
Supper was pretty uneventful, you shared your food with Ser Duncan and Aegon, always since you got there. At first the knight was reluctant, he claimed he had no right to share a table with a Princess. About Egg he did not care, they had gone through a lot together.
The staff tending to Dragonstone was nice to you, always a call away, making sure you were well taken care of.
“I heard a Raven arrived for you, Egg" you said while cutting a piece of cheese. “Your father, I presume?"
He nodded, his mouth already full of food. He always ate like he hadn't been feed before.
“Aye, answer the Princess, boy" Ser Duncan's voice cut through, reminding Aegon of his manners. “and stop to chew, at last"
Aegon shot him a look before concentrating on chewing, once his mouth was free, he turned to look at you. “Yes, Auntie. It was my father, wondering how I am fairing"
"I see” you smiled at him "Have you responded?”
He stopped for a moment, deciding if he should lie or tell the truth, finally deciding for the latest "I have been preoccupied”
You raised your eyebrows at him, a smile dancing in your lips "Is that so? May I inquire about your preoccupations?”
His mouth was already stuffed when you next addressed him. "Training” he said with his mouth full.
"No talking with your mouth full, Egg” you reprimanded him "and as far as I could tell today, the only one in the training grounds was Ser Duncan” You didn't let him defend himself when he opened his mouth "and I know for a fact that you have not been attending your lessons as the Maester from Dragonstone has informed me that you were nowhere to be found in the morrow”
"I was exploring the island” He defended himself.
“You are not to do that again alone. If you want to explore you ask for permission to either me or Ser Duncan and you do not go alone" Your words were firm “Understood?"
Egg lowered his face, clearly not happy but knowing that he had to listen to you “Yes, Auntie"
"Good” you nodded "and you shall write back to your father as well”
He nodded softly "I will, I promise”
Apart from your repriment to Aegon, everything went swiftly, the three of you finishing your food without further ado. Egg was the first to retire, excusing himself to go to sleep, leaving you and Ser Duncan alone in the Great Hall of Dragonstone.
“The boy seemed heartbroken by your reprimand, my Lady" Ser Duncan said in a low voice, his eyes not quite holding yours.
“Aegon needs to learn boundaries, I cannot hand him back to his father wilder than before" your answer was simple “He's a boy with great potential, he just needs to focus a bit more on some things. Important things"
Ser Duncan nodded along with your words, knowing you were right with your claims about the cleverness of the little Prince.
The both of you kept eating before you excused yourself, reassuring Ser Duncan that he did not need to leave just because you were doing so, prompting him to finish his supper in peace.
Once alone in your chambers, your mind could not help but drift off to Baelor and to his letter. He had been true to his word, he had not written to you again, he had not send word and you had to admit that it stung the wrong way in your chest that he refrained to do so.
It was rare, the way your heart could ache at the fact that he hadn't written to you yet it didn't mean that you wanted to go back or that you had forgiven him, for you had not.
Some days you could enjoy the sun, realize there was much more to life than what you had been through, that you could seek happiness, give another chance to love and life.
Other days, not even the sunnier day could warm your heart, you would woke up feeling like everything and everyone had wronged you, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth that did not trump the coldness in your heart.
Maybe you were a fool, even for admiring to yourself that you missed him,but it wasn't something you could control. Yes, you missed Valarr, Kiera and Matarys. You missed your Good-parents. Maekar you did not miss, it wasn't easy to forget how he tried to manipulate you when what you needed was support. Most importantly, even when your mind and heart screamed at you for your foolishness, you could not help but miss Baelor.
Yes, you missed him. You missed the calm way he used to talk you even when you were being impossible, the way he would ask for the kitchen to bake your favorites, how he would calm you down in your moments of fury, how comprehensive he always acted towards you, how…
You had to stop, get a reign of yourself, you could not keep thinking about him that way. You were supposed to be mad at him.
…
Back in King's Landing, Baelor Targaryen was not fairing well with your leave. Ones that knew Prince Baelor could tell that something had gone really wrong with him — apart from all the obvious things that had happened to him— but mostly anyone could point the direction of his problems to an Island not far from the Capital.
He awfully missed you, he was aware that he had fucked up and now he was paying the consequences.
It was not obvious at first, but slowly the people could see a dark cloud glooming over him, how it started to take over his form.
His family was growing worried, however he could not bring himself to mind. His thoughts were far from his body, always thinking about everything that he had done wrong, how he had failed you and your daughter.
Baelor was already in his third cup of wine when his brother found him slumped against his desk, his stare fixed on a portrait of you; one he insisted on being paint right after you married.
He did not flinch when he heard the door opening and his brother entering the solar where he was alone, slumping and bearing himself up on the fact that he had screwed up.
“Baelor" Maekar's voice cut through the solar. “Mother was asking for you"
A mere hum was all the answer he got from the Heir to the Throne. A shallow, mindless sound.
“Your children are worried as well" Maekar, tried once again, to make him snap out of his stupor.
"They need not to be worried” His voice was raspy, probably from lack of use plus the wine he was drinking. "I am alright”
A scoff was the initial response from Maekar. "Alright, you call it. You're not alright!” He shook his head in disbelief "You look like you're a shell of yourself!"
“Is there something that you need, Maekar?" Baelor asked the younger Targaryen. His tone was full of disinterest and coldness.
“Oh, indeed I do" Maekar said in faux calmness "I need you to fucking snap out of it!”
Baelor's gaze found his brother, yet he did not seem like he was interested in listening to him "Has Aegon sent word to you?"
“About what?" Maekar snapped, taking a seat across from Baelor, already too tired from the conversation and it was only starting.
“How they are fairing, any news, about…" Baelor trailed off, not wanting to directly ask about you.
"So this whole…” Maekar waved in his direction mindlessly "estate you're in, is about your wife?”
Now it was Baelor's turn to scoff, why did everybody find it so hard to understand “Of course it is about her! I need to know if she's alright!"
"She is a woman grown” Maekar reached for a clean cup and the canteen of wine "If she needs something she will send word to you”
"It is my duty to ensure she is safe and taken care of, something I have long failed to ensure” came Baelor's deprecating words.
And they wasn't empty words, he had spend every waking moment thinking about all he had failed to protect you from. And when sleep rarely came, he kept having strange dreams, ones he would not dare voice out loud.
"You cannot still be thinking about Ashford” Maekar grunted while he settled against his chair, trying to seem unaffected about the whole starting conversation.
"Of course I am still thinking about Ashford!” Baelor's voice cut through like a thunder, loosing his calm in an instant. "That whole fiasco has cost me everything!"
“Baelor—"
"No” He interrupted his younger brother, raising his voice, a thing that was not usual with the oldest Targaryen. "I allowed all of it to happen, I allowed her to be hurt and I was not by her side to support her and hold her!”
"You were laying on a deathbed!” Maekar exclaimed bluntly, even when it was mostly his fault that Baelor suffered a hit to the head, he was not one to cower under deflecting.
Baelor stood up, walking a few steps to gaze into the fire that was consuming the logs in the hearth of the solar "She begged me not to partake in the Trial”
"I gathered as much” Maekar's response was gruff with knowledge.
He would not admit it as easy, but ever since you married his brother he had found a connection he had not found with Jenna, his brother's first wife.
“She begged me to stay with her, he was pregnant and she begged for me to do my duty" Baelor scoffed, still turned away from the face of his brother, his eyes stinging with unshed tears “And I failed her. I choose to lock her away instead of fixing the problem before it escalated”
Maekar squirmed in his seat, the weight of his brother's pain engraving deeply into his being. He was now opening his eyes, clearing the fog that had him deflecting for so long.
Baelor continued voicing his guilt "I should have stayed with her, I should have—" he shook his head “I should have listened to her!"
Playing with the rim of his cup, Maekar decided to interrupt Baelor's self deprecating train of thoughts “The fault is not only yours to bear. I had a hand on it too, perhaps greater than you" he sighed, pursing his lips “and I have been an arse about it, deflecting and helping hurt her more than she already was"
Baelor's shoulders dropped forward "We are a couple of fools”
“Nothing new there" Maekar murmured, finishing his cup in one swing. "Aegon is excited, he claims that your wife is forcing him to answer my letters” He scoffed a laugh, that sounded like you indeed.
A gentle smile grazed Baelor's lips, though he kept his gaze fixed on the fire “She is going to fuzz over him as hard as she can"
“I am damn glad my children have her" Maekar's words were gruff but sincere “She is all that I keep lacking since Dyanna died and she has no obligations towards them"
"That is how wonderful she is” Baelor's voice was full of awe and admiration yet still laced with an unforgiving sadness.
Maekar could feel his brother's sadness coming from him in waves, and it was frustrating him. “You should go there"
"Go where?” Baelor asked, turning to face his brother.
“To Dragonstone" Maekar shrugged like it was obvious. "Make amends, show her you care and you want to earn her forgiveness”
"I cannot do that. She asked for time away, I am coinciding it”
“My suggestion? Do not wait too long" Maekar eyed his brother “and prepare those knees to grovel and beg her to take you back"
A reluctant chuckle left Baelor's lips. Maybe his brother was right, maybe he was approaching it all wrong. He had to make it right, he knew as much.
“Perhaps you are right, brother" Baelor murmured with a hint of a smile. “I shall prepare everything to go and see her. I shall allow her to use me as a punching bag or even treat me like the dirt under her shoes" A humorous chuckle left his lips “The Gods know I deserve it"
Maekar poured himself a second cup of wine "I will take care of your duties here while you allow her to treat you like her personal mat, do not fret”
Baelor offered him a nod, a simple gesture that was full of gratefulness and appreciation. "I will be forever grateful”
Maekar brushed it off "No need, I am too trying to right my wrongs in a way I can” a pause "Perhaps you could tell her I am sorry and I am ready to talk when she feels like making me hear what a big idiot I am”
A smile grazed Baelor's lips. You would definitely do that, you were never one to back down to call Maekar on his bullshit “I will be sure to let her know that she can humble you with her words when she feels like it" he shot Maekar and amused glance “Though she does not need permission to do so"
Maekar rolled his eyes with faux annoyance "Couldn't you find yourself a tame woman for your second marriage?"
“There is nothing interesting or worth loving in that. A man needs a woman like that; fierce, outspoken and kind” Baelor's words were full of admiration. He had known since the first moment he saw you he wanted you to be his wife, not caring about difficulties or obstacles.
With a sigh and a pop of his knees, Maekar stood up, making his way to palm his older brother's shoulder. “Stop brooding and go make amends where they are owed"
Baelor nodded at his brother's words before making his way to arrange everything he needed to before making his way to the Targaryen ancestral home. He did not care about the hour, he had to make haste and get to your side as soon as he could.
Gods be damned if he was not going to try. Baelor Targaryen would not stop at anything to try to make amends, then you could decide if you would take him back or not. Either way, he would understand and support your decision.
Baelor was begging to understand that his nonchalant approach towards the problems presented to him, was not the correct one. He needed to show you how much he cared, how much he dreaded to be far from you, how he despised himself over the fail he was.
No more silence, no more calm. He was going to you.
…
It took a few days, almost a fortnight, to ready everything for his leave. But at least he managed to do it.
Thanks to everyone in his family, who had reassured him that he could go and they would take care of everything in his absence— Maekar and Valarr would help in council, his parents presented no great obstacle as he see it coming and were more than pleased that he had finally opened his eyes.
Everything was fitting in place, almost perfectly.
Almost. He was so close to you.
Baelor was walking around the Red Keep with Valarr by his side, as he insisted he would escort him out, bid him farewell.
Everyone in his family was supporting the decision of Baelor to go to Dragonstone, to go earn your forgiveness.
They had see how he had changed since Ashford, everything adding up; headaches from his head injury, the grief of their baby girl, the guilt that was eating up at him, your leave for Dragonstone.
No one blamed you, they knew you needed the time away, but they could also see how deep the pain of the Heir to the Throne was.
The last few days, Baelor could not talk about anything else that was not you or the preparations for his leave.
He slept very little, too focused on leaving everything ready. He ate even less, most of the times Maekar had to threaten to feed force him or his sons had to beg him to eat.
He was so close to you, yet so far.
Valarr was watching his father with a smile, offering him a reassuring nod. The young Prince wanted the woman he loved like a mother back, insisting the Keep was not the same without her warm presence.
Baelor was steadfast as he practically sprinted towards his horse, ready to ride towards the bay as soon as he could. He desired nothing but to get on the boat that would take him to you.
As he mounted his horse to leave the Red Keep, a knight of the King's guard following steady, a messenger came running through the heavy metal doors of the keep.
“My Prince! My Prince! I bring urgent news!" The young man said, making haste to hand Baelor a letter of sorts.
"What is it?” Baelor asked as he dismounted his horse.
Valarr, hearing the urgency of the messenger, got closer to hear what the problem was.
“They say it is a sickness that is spreading from Lannisport and Old Town” the boy muttered in concern "It's murmured to be strong to kill a men in half a day"
Baelor's breath hitched in his chest, he knew what a sickness like it, meant. It meant a spreading death through the Kingdom. It mean closed roads and no help or aid.
It meant… It meant staying far from you in order to keep you safe.
You would have to wait a little longer.
Wait for me, my love.
King's Landing, just as Lannisport and Old Town, being one of the great cities, it was almost a fact that the sickness would spread like wildfire.
Dragonstone was not at risk as much as other cities, since it was an island, yet he would ensure it was closed, he had to send word to you.
Baelor turned towards the Red Keep without a glance back, he had to bring the alarming news to the Great Council, he had to ensure he kept his father and family alive and safe.
He had to ensure your safeness.
do not copy, reupload, translate or feed to artificial intelligence.
Pairing: Baelor "Breakspear" Targaryen x female!reader
Summary: You adjust to the life at Dragonstone fairly quickly along with Egg and See Duncan, while still thinking about Baelor. Back in King's Landing, Baelor makes a decision. (4.5k)
Content: Canon divergent / non-canon, second wife reader, angst, mention of other characters, grief, guilt, targaryen family stress. No use of Y/N.
A/N: I'm reading your ideas of how you thing this should go! thank you for reading and loving this series as much as I love writing it!!
Disclaimer: English is NOT my first language so this may as well be written with my eyes closed and half delusional brain. Hope you enjoy it! NOT PROOF READ AT ALL!!!
Masterlist ✦ (15) < Series Masterlist > (17) ✦ Read on A03
The weather on Dragonstone was quite gloom, rain was pouring down the sky with roaring wings cutting through the silence of the stony castle. It should be intimidating, being surrounded by nothing but cold stone and more than thousand years of history yet you were not. It was the most peaceful you felt for a long time, exactly what you needed, to be honest.
It would everything be perfect if it wasn't for the fact that Aegon had gone missing. He had the tendency to roam away, leaving you to bite your nails out while hoping he was alright.
Naturally, once you saw him enter, wearing a sheepish expression in his face as soon as he noticed you, the stress evaporated partially from your shoulders.
“Egg! Where were you?" You asked the child once you saw him enter the hall of Dragonstone soaked from head to toe, having been caught in the rain moments before.
"I went to see the Dragonpitt here” When he saw your displeased expression, he was quick to clarify “I did not went in! I merely gazed at it from the outside"
You sighed loudly, moving to wrap him in a cloak "I shall ask for a bath to be prepared but you know that you should not explore the island alone”
He lowered his little head, ashamed “I know, Auntie. I am sorry" he looked at you with big apologetic eyes "I will not do it again”
"Alright, alright” you flashed him a smile, you were not able to stay mad at him for long "Go take a bath, I shall see you for supper”
As he nodded and turned to leave, you stopped him with a question “Where is Ser Duncan?"
"Training” He answered without a doubt.
"Still? He has been there since dawn”
Egg shrugged, making his way outside the Hall, not caring much for what the hedge knight was doing, he comprehended Ser Duncan’s desire to be better, to learn.
You pondered a moment if you should go check on him, you were indeed worried, the man had been outside all day.
Making up your mind, you wrapped yourself onto a warm cloak to keep the cold breeze from Dragonstone away, before making your way towards the training yard and there he was.
Ser Duncan was fighting against a training dummy, furiously swinging at it with his sword. It was noticeable that he was not that skilled at arms but he wasn't completely helpless either. He had the potential to be a great knight one day.
You stayed in your place, observing him for a while before speaking. It was obvious the man was lost in his own mind.
“I do not think the dummy is at fault for whatever is bothering you, Ser" Your voice cut through the yard, traveling along with the whistling air.
His head whipped towards you, quickly lowering his head in respect once he noticed it was you "My Lady Princess”
You waved him off “There is no need for such formality, Ser" with a smile, you added "You can call me simply by name”
He was quick to shook his head “I could never, my Lady"
You sighed with a smile "I gathered as much, Ser” a pause “I think you will be glad to know your squire has been found"
"Egg? Was he lost?” Ser Duncan asked with confusion writing all over his face.
“He is alright, he was exploring" You reassured the man “I could not help to notice that you have been spending a lot of time in these training grounds, Ser”
“I have, my Lady" He was quick to lower his head once again “I must apologize if it is not proper, I know I am here as a protector—"
You help up a hand, making him stop in his tracks "There is no need for an apology, you have done nothing wrong. I am merely curious”
"My Lady?”
“I can tell something is bothering you, Ser" your words were firm, trying to get information on whatever the problem was with the knight.
“You shouldn't worry yourself with the problems of a hedge knight, my Lady" He said bashful, shifting from one foot to another. He didn't know why your gaze was so intense that had him squirming in his place.
"Yet I find myself worrying” You answered firmly, your gaze not once moving away from his figure.
One look at you and he knew you will not let it go. He was learning each day that you were persistent.
“I merely want to be a better knight, I need to train and practice as much as I can, my Lady” Ser Duncan finally opened to you, voicing his concerns.
You hummed softly “Practice does makes perfect, I'm told"
He scratched the back of his head "I truly hope so, I must become a fine knight if I'm to serve Prince Baelor”
His words brought a smile to your lips, he was indeed loyal and dedicated. "Then you must hate that he sent you here to guard me when you could be learning from fine knights in King's Landing”
Ser Duncan quickly shook his head "Of course not, my Lady” he almost spat in nervousness "It is an honor to be here”
Humor was lacing your features "You do not need to lie, Ser. I am aware of how imposing this whole endeavor must be but my husband insisted for you to accompany me” You chuckled softly "I gather that it could mostly be because of Aegon, but still”
"Prince Baelor seems like a protective man” He commented quietly, his gaze briefly shifting to yours before quickly lowering it.
“He is" you confirmed “Yet he gives me freedom when he can" with a hum, you continued “Though I must admit I did not give him more option on the matter"
Ser Duncan stood there, shifting from foot to foot, his face showing his eagerness to feed his curiosity. You could tell he wanted to ask something.
“What is it, Ser?" You asked him, prompting him to get it out of his system.
“It is my fault, is it not?" he questioned after a few moments.
"You ought to be a tad more specific, Ser Duncan”
"The problems you are having with Prince Baelor. I am the one at blame, am I not?” He clarified, his gaze adverted.
“May I inquire about where this is coming from?" your voice was curious, yet you could point exactly where his mind was going.
“I was the reason Prince Baelor joined the Trial, I was the reason it everything went wrong"
You could not help the little laugh that left your lips, not at him, but at the absurdity of it. “Forgive me, Ser, but you did not force anyone's hand, definitely not Baelor's. You were simply defending an innocent from Aerion, you got twisted in a mess that did not smiled on you, resulting in the Trial. However, make no mistake, I blame Aerion for the most of it" you explained it to him “And his father and my husband. Baelor did not stop it, he allowed it for the sakes of how looks would reflect on the Crown, he then tried to right his wrongs by joining you, resulting in… well, everything that happened since”
He nodded along with your words "I cannot help but blame myself, if only I —”
“What? Allow them to cut your hand and leg? That was nonsense" You pointed out “You did nothing wrong, you are not a fault for other's decisions"
“But—"
"No, Ser. I apologize for the way I talked to you that day you went to apologize to me, the day of the Pyre funeral for my daughter” your voice was both firm and soft "Though I must admit I was not in sane mind that day” a bitter chuckle left your lips "I do not think I am to this day"
The knight was lost of words, it was clear for you. He was a fine knight with a heart of gold but he could be a bit thick sometimes. Well, all men were.
"Supper will be served in a few, I shall see you there, See Duncan” your tone left no space for refusal, he knew as much.
With a nod, you turned on your heels towards the inside of the castle, leaving him standing there.
In his mind, Ser Duncan could not help but admire your strong yet kind personality. He could not understand how you had managed to get through all you had gone through and still be kind towards him.
…
Supper was pretty uneventful, you shared your food with Ser Duncan and Aegon, always since you got there. At first the knight was reluctant, he claimed he had no right to share a table with a Princess. About Egg he did not care, they had gone through a lot together.
The staff tending to Dragonstone was nice to you, always a call away, making sure you were well taken care of.
“I heard a Raven arrived for you, Egg" you said while cutting a piece of cheese. “Your father, I presume?"
He nodded, his mouth already full of food. He always ate like he hadn't been feed before.
“Aye, answer the Princess, boy" Ser Duncan's voice cut through, reminding Aegon of his manners. “and stop to chew, at last"
Aegon shot him a look before concentrating on chewing, once his mouth was free, he turned to look at you. “Yes, Auntie. It was my father, wondering how I am fairing"
"I see” you smiled at him "Have you responded?”
He stopped for a moment, deciding if he should lie or tell the truth, finally deciding for the latest "I have been preoccupied”
You raised your eyebrows at him, a smile dancing in your lips "Is that so? May I inquire about your preoccupations?”
His mouth was already stuffed when you next addressed him. "Training” he said with his mouth full.
"No talking with your mouth full, Egg” you reprimanded him "and as far as I could tell today, the only one in the training grounds was Ser Duncan” You didn't let him defend himself when he opened his mouth "and I know for a fact that you have not been attending your lessons as the Maester from Dragonstone has informed me that you were nowhere to be found in the morrow”
"I was exploring the island” He defended himself.
“You are not to do that again alone. If you want to explore you ask for permission to either me or Ser Duncan and you do not go alone" Your words were firm “Understood?"
Egg lowered his face, clearly not happy but knowing that he had to listen to you “Yes, Auntie"
"Good” you nodded "and you shall write back to your father as well”
He nodded softly "I will, I promise”
Apart from your repriment to Aegon, everything went swiftly, the three of you finishing your food without further ado. Egg was the first to retire, excusing himself to go to sleep, leaving you and Ser Duncan alone in the Great Hall of Dragonstone.
“The boy seemed heartbroken by your reprimand, my Lady" Ser Duncan said in a low voice, his eyes not quite holding yours.
“Aegon needs to learn boundaries, I cannot hand him back to his father wilder than before" your answer was simple “He's a boy with great potential, he just needs to focus a bit more on some things. Important things"
Ser Duncan nodded along with your words, knowing you were right with your claims about the cleverness of the little Prince.
The both of you kept eating before you excused yourself, reassuring Ser Duncan that he did not need to leave just because you were doing so, prompting him to finish his supper in peace.
Once alone in your chambers, your mind could not help but drift off to Baelor and to his letter. He had been true to his word, he had not written to you again, he had not send word and you had to admit that it stung the wrong way in your chest that he refrained to do so.
It was rare, the way your heart could ache at the fact that he hadn't written to you yet it didn't mean that you wanted to go back or that you had forgiven him, for you had not.
Some days you could enjoy the sun, realize there was much more to life than what you had been through, that you could seek happiness, give another chance to love and life.
Other days, not even the sunnier day could warm your heart, you would woke up feeling like everything and everyone had wronged you, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth that did not trump the coldness in your heart.
Maybe you were a fool, even for admiring to yourself that you missed him,but it wasn't something you could control. Yes, you missed Valarr, Kiera and Matarys. You missed your Good-parents. Maekar you did not miss, it wasn't easy to forget how he tried to manipulate you when what you needed was support. Most importantly, even when your mind and heart screamed at you for your foolishness, you could not help but miss Baelor.
Yes, you missed him. You missed the calm way he used to talk you even when you were being impossible, the way he would ask for the kitchen to bake your favorites, how he would calm you down in your moments of fury, how comprehensive he always acted towards you, how…
You had to stop, get a reign of yourself, you could not keep thinking about him that way. You were supposed to be mad at him.
…
Back in King's Landing, Baelor Targaryen was not fairing well with your leave. Ones that knew Prince Baelor could tell that something had gone really wrong with him — apart from all the obvious things that had happened to him— but mostly anyone could point the direction of his problems to an Island not far from the Capital.
He awfully missed you, he was aware that he had fucked up and now he was paying the consequences.
It was not obvious at first, but slowly the people could see a dark cloud glooming over him, how it started to take over his form.
His family was growing worried, however he could not bring himself to mind. His thoughts were far from his body, always thinking about everything that he had done wrong, how he had failed you and your daughter.
Baelor was already in his third cup of wine when his brother found him slumped against his desk, his stare fixed on a portrait of you; one he insisted on being paint right after you married.
He did not flinch when he heard the door opening and his brother entering the solar where he was alone, slumping and bearing himself up on the fact that he had screwed up.
“Baelor" Maekar's voice cut through the solar. “Mother was asking for you"
A mere hum was all the answer he got from the Heir to the Throne. A shallow, mindless sound.
“Your children are worried as well" Maekar, tried once again, to make him snap out of his stupor.
"They need not to be worried” His voice was raspy, probably from lack of use plus the wine he was drinking. "I am alright”
A scoff was the initial response from Maekar. "Alright, you call it. You're not alright!” He shook his head in disbelief "You look like you're a shell of yourself!"
“Is there something that you need, Maekar?" Baelor asked the younger Targaryen. His tone was full of disinterest and coldness.
“Oh, indeed I do" Maekar said in faux calmness "I need you to fucking snap out of it!”
Baelor's gaze found his brother, yet he did not seem like he was interested in listening to him "Has Aegon sent word to you?"
“About what?" Maekar snapped, taking a seat across from Baelor, already too tired from the conversation and it was only starting.
“How they are fairing, any news, about…" Baelor trailed off, not wanting to directly ask about you.
"So this whole…” Maekar waved in his direction mindlessly "estate you're in, is about your wife?”
Now it was Baelor's turn to scoff, why did everybody find it so hard to understand “Of course it is about her! I need to know if she's alright!"
"She is a woman grown” Maekar reached for a clean cup and the canteen of wine "If she needs something she will send word to you”
"It is my duty to ensure she is safe and taken care of, something I have long failed to ensure” came Baelor's deprecating words.
And they wasn't empty words, he had spend every waking moment thinking about all he had failed to protect you from. And when sleep rarely came, he kept having strange dreams, ones he would not dare voice out loud.
"You cannot still be thinking about Ashford” Maekar grunted while he settled against his chair, trying to seem unaffected about the whole starting conversation.
"Of course I am still thinking about Ashford!” Baelor's voice cut through like a thunder, loosing his calm in an instant. "That whole fiasco has cost me everything!"
“Baelor—"
"No” He interrupted his younger brother, raising his voice, a thing that was not usual with the oldest Targaryen. "I allowed all of it to happen, I allowed her to be hurt and I was not by her side to support her and hold her!”
"You were laying on a deathbed!” Maekar exclaimed bluntly, even when it was mostly his fault that Baelor suffered a hit to the head, he was not one to cower under deflecting.
Baelor stood up, walking a few steps to gaze into the fire that was consuming the logs in the hearth of the solar "She begged me not to partake in the Trial”
"I gathered as much” Maekar's response was gruff with knowledge.
He would not admit it as easy, but ever since you married his brother he had found a connection he had not found with Jenna, his brother's first wife.
“She begged me to stay with her, he was pregnant and she begged for me to do my duty" Baelor scoffed, still turned away from the face of his brother, his eyes stinging with unshed tears “And I failed her. I choose to lock her away instead of fixing the problem before it escalated”
Maekar squirmed in his seat, the weight of his brother's pain engraving deeply into his being. He was now opening his eyes, clearing the fog that had him deflecting for so long.
Baelor continued voicing his guilt "I should have stayed with her, I should have—" he shook his head “I should have listened to her!"
Playing with the rim of his cup, Maekar decided to interrupt Baelor's self deprecating train of thoughts “The fault is not only yours to bear. I had a hand on it too, perhaps greater than you" he sighed, pursing his lips “and I have been an arse about it, deflecting and helping hurt her more than she already was"
Baelor's shoulders dropped forward "We are a couple of fools”
“Nothing new there" Maekar murmured, finishing his cup in one swing. "Aegon is excited, he claims that your wife is forcing him to answer my letters” He scoffed a laugh, that sounded like you indeed.
A gentle smile grazed Baelor's lips, though he kept his gaze fixed on the fire “She is going to fuzz over him as hard as she can"
“I am damn glad my children have her" Maekar's words were gruff but sincere “She is all that I keep lacking since Dyanna died and she has no obligations towards them"
"That is how wonderful she is” Baelor's voice was full of awe and admiration yet still laced with an unforgiving sadness.
Maekar could feel his brother's sadness coming from him in waves, and it was frustrating him. “You should go there"
"Go where?” Baelor asked, turning to face his brother.
“To Dragonstone" Maekar shrugged like it was obvious. "Make amends, show her you care and you want to earn her forgiveness”
"I cannot do that. She asked for time away, I am coinciding it”
“My suggestion? Do not wait too long" Maekar eyed his brother “and prepare those knees to grovel and beg her to take you back"
A reluctant chuckle left Baelor's lips. Maybe his brother was right, maybe he was approaching it all wrong. He had to make it right, he knew as much.
“Perhaps you are right, brother" Baelor murmured with a hint of a smile. “I shall prepare everything to go and see her. I shall allow her to use me as a punching bag or even treat me like the dirt under her shoes" A humorous chuckle left his lips “The Gods know I deserve it"
Maekar poured himself a second cup of wine "I will take care of your duties here while you allow her to treat you like her personal mat, do not fret”
Baelor offered him a nod, a simple gesture that was full of gratefulness and appreciation. "I will be forever grateful”
Maekar brushed it off "No need, I am too trying to right my wrongs in a way I can” a pause "Perhaps you could tell her I am sorry and I am ready to talk when she feels like making me hear what a big idiot I am”
A smile grazed Baelor's lips. You would definitely do that, you were never one to back down to call Maekar on his bullshit “I will be sure to let her know that she can humble you with her words when she feels like it" he shot Maekar and amused glance “Though she does not need permission to do so"
Maekar rolled his eyes with faux annoyance "Couldn't you find yourself a tame woman for your second marriage?"
“There is nothing interesting or worth loving in that. A man needs a woman like that; fierce, outspoken and kind” Baelor's words were full of admiration. He had known since the first moment he saw you he wanted you to be his wife, not caring about difficulties or obstacles.
With a sigh and a pop of his knees, Maekar stood up, making his way to palm his older brother's shoulder. “Stop brooding and go make amends where they are owed"
Baelor nodded at his brother's words before making his way to arrange everything he needed to before making his way to the Targaryen ancestral home. He did not care about the hour, he had to make haste and get to your side as soon as he could.
Gods be damned if he was not going to try. Baelor Targaryen would not stop at anything to try to make amends, then you could decide if you would take him back or not. Either way, he would understand and support your decision.
Baelor was begging to understand that his nonchalant approach towards the problems presented to him, was not the correct one. He needed to show you how much he cared, how much he dreaded to be far from you, how he despised himself over the fail he was.
No more silence, no more calm. He was going to you.
…
It took a few days, almost a fortnight, to ready everything for his leave. But at least he managed to do it.
Thanks to everyone in his family, who had reassured him that he could go and they would take care of everything in his absence— Maekar and Valarr would help in council, his parents presented no great obstacle as he see it coming and were more than pleased that he had finally opened his eyes.
Everything was fitting in place, almost perfectly.
Almost. He was so close to you.
Baelor was walking around the Red Keep with Valarr by his side, as he insisted he would escort him out, bid him farewell.
Everyone in his family was supporting the decision of Baelor to go to Dragonstone, to go earn your forgiveness.
They had see how he had changed since Ashford, everything adding up; headaches from his head injury, the grief of their baby girl, the guilt that was eating up at him, your leave for Dragonstone.
No one blamed you, they knew you needed the time away, but they could also see how deep the pain of the Heir to the Throne was.
The last few days, Baelor could not talk about anything else that was not you or the preparations for his leave.
He slept very little, too focused on leaving everything ready. He ate even less, most of the times Maekar had to threaten to feed force him or his sons had to beg him to eat.
He was so close to you, yet so far.
Valarr was watching his father with a smile, offering him a reassuring nod. The young Prince wanted the woman he loved like a mother back, insisting the Keep was not the same without her warm presence.
Baelor was steadfast as he practically sprinted towards his horse, ready to ride towards the bay as soon as he could. He desired nothing but to get on the boat that would take him to you.
As he mounted his horse to leave the Red Keep, a knight of the King's guard following steady, a messenger came running through the heavy metal doors of the keep.
“My Prince! My Prince! I bring urgent news!" The young man said, making haste to hand Baelor a letter of sorts.
"What is it?” Baelor asked as he dismounted his horse.
Valarr, hearing the urgency of the messenger, got closer to hear what the problem was.
“They say it is a sickness that is spreading from Lannisport and Old Town” the boy muttered in concern "It's murmured to be strong to kill a men in half a day"
Baelor's breath hitched in his chest, he knew what a sickness like it, meant. It meant a spreading death through the Kingdom. It mean closed roads and no help or aid.
It meant… It meant staying far from you in order to keep you safe.
You would have to wait a little longer.
Wait for me, my love.
King's Landing, just as Lannisport and Old Town, being one of the great cities, it was almost a fact that the sickness would spread like wildfire.
Dragonstone was not at risk as much as other cities, since it was an island, yet he would ensure it was closed, he had to send word to you.
Baelor turned towards the Red Keep without a glance back, he had to bring the alarming news to the Great Council, he had to ensure he kept his father and family alive and safe.
He had to ensure your safeness.
do not copy, reupload, translate or feed to artificial intelligence.
Summary: Your cat and his intents on escaping brings you to finally meet your neighbor next door, who quickly becomes his favorite human. You and Jack bond over your cat and the cookies you keep giving him as an apology. [9k]
Content: No use of Y/N, no physical descriptions of reader, idk what else.
A/N: I had this idea because my cat is an absolute menace (he's the cat from the photo and his actual name is Gregorio)
Disclaimer: English is NOT my first language so this may as well be written with my eyes closed and half delusional brain. Hope you enjoy it! NOT PROOF READ AT ALL!!!
Masterlist ✦ Jack Abbot Masterlist ✦ Read on A03
“Meatball! Where are you, my little baby?" You called for your cat as soon as you got home.
He had the audacity to rebel against your wishes to be an indoor cat, always finding the way to scape.
"Spoiled cat” you murmured while you kept turning your place upside down to find him.
Your cat is a beautifully colored Siamese cat, adopted and spoiled. He's your whole world and you love him deeply but he gets in your nerves too easily.
First time cat mom and your fur baby kept refusing to listen and stay in the safeness and comfort of your home.
You looked everywhere he liked to hide on before panicking. You don't have a clue how he escaped, you made sure to close every door and window before going to work.
While checking windows and doors you realized you had left the door to your balcony with only the screen door closed. Same one that now had a big hole made by the little paws of your demon cat.
“Shit" you murmured while you stepped into the balcony, looking for any trace of your cat.
You caught sight of his tail as he entered your neighbor's apartment. You were going to strangle that cat.
Unfortunately, you knew nothing of your next door neighbor except that he was a doctor and apparently worked nights. Or that's what another neighbor had told you.
Oh, right. He works nights so he probably will be sleeping…. shit.
With a resigned sigh, you knew you had to wake up your neighbor to get your cat. That was if the little shit hadn't woken him up already, he had the habit to wanting cuddles when everyone was sleeping and he wasn't known for his patience.
Before leaving your house you grabbed your keys and a handful of buttercream cookies you had baked last night, hoping they were enough apology to your neighbor.
Once in front of the door of your neighbor's apartment you took a few breaths— you were not good at talking with people you didn't knew beforehand— before ringing the bell and waiting patiently for him to open the door.
A few minutes went by before hearing the door open and being greeted with the sight of your very handsome very shirtless neighbor. His hair was in all directions and his face showed he was asleep before you interrupted him.
Oh, and he was carrying your very big very fat cat like he was a baby. And the fucker was purring.
“Hello, may I help you?" He asked seeing your dumbfounded expression, yet his voice was somewhat kind.
You blinked a few times before forcing yourself to look away from him "Uh, yes. Dr. Abbot, right?” you pointed towards your door "I think that's my cat”
He hummed, observing your flustered expression while leaning against the threshold, still carrying your cat. "Call me Jack” He offered, his voice friendly “And yes, I had the suspicion that it was from one of my neighbors"
You raised your eyes to met his, a frown set on your forehead "Meatball looks like he's too comfortable”
I would he too if I was carried in those arms
Your neighbor smiled at you with humor. "Meatball, huh? I have been calling him Greg”
"Greg? Huh, I guess he does resemble a Greg” You murmured softly before glancing down at the cookies you were holding "Oh, these are for you”
He blinked at you, then followed your like of sight. "Oh, you didn't have to.”
You waved him off "I wanted to, it's kind of an apology for finding my cat"
“I think that Meatball was the one who found me” Jack replied with amusement “Come on in so I can put him down" He offered.
You nodded, entering and closing the door after you. Once he put your cat down, you handed him the cookies.
"These look delicious" the corner of Jack's mouth started to water at the sight of the cookies.
Staring down, you observed how your cat was meowing and practically asking for Jack to pick him up once again.
"He didn't wake you, did he?” You asked mortified when you remembered how spoiled by you he was and seeing that he had taken a liking to your neighbor…
Your neighbor merely shrugged with a small smile “He wanted cuddles, apparently"
A groan left your lips "I'm sorry, he's a bit spoiled and likes his cuddles”
A smile curled in his lips “No worries, he's a cute little fella"
“You could say that" you murmured under your breath.
A laugh cut through the silence in the room, soft and breathy "And Meatball owner's name?”
Eyes snapping up to him, you muttered your name shyly.
“Jack Abbott" He introduced himself “About time we know each other, we're next door neighbors"
“I agree" you smiled at him “Though I must admit I'm not the most friendly person, contrary to that little shit" you pointed at your cat who was trying to get Jack's attention.
Your very handsome neighbor only laughed at your description of Meatball. He could tell it all was rough love, hearing the tenderness in your voice.
“You work nights, right?" You asked him, earning a nod from him “That's why we haven't met, I usually get to my place after work and crash until next day”
“Makes sense" He hummed softly, staring at you with interest. "But now we know each other, thanks to Meatball”
You chuckled softly, he was right. “Well, apparently he likes you because he is ignoring me right now and asking for you to pick him up"
He leaned down with a smile, scratching between Meatball's ears earning a satisfied purr. “He's cute and… big”
“You can say it, he's fat" You shrugged softly “I don't have a clue why, I have him on a strict regime"
Jack looked at you with a teasing smile "Are you fat shaming your cat?”
Squirting at him, you repressed a laugh “I'm saying a fact. He's big and fat and mean"
“He's adorable" Jack defended your cat.
“That too" you agreed with a smile. You were glad that your neighbor was nice and wasn't mad at you for not controlling your cat.
The two of you stared at each other for a few moments, a smile on both of your faces, before breaking out of the haze.
“Shit, I'm keeping you while you probably should be sleeping or getting ready for your shift" You blurted out, realizing you might be imposing.
He waved you off "I have a few hours until I have to be on my way to my shift. Sit, let's eat these delicious looking cookies you brought”
You chuckled softly “I don't want to impose, I should leave—"
He raised a hand, stopping your excuses “If you have nothing to do, stay and have a cookie."
Jack was giving you an out, yet you didn't want to go, he intrigued you.
With a sigh, you relented “Alright, alright"
That's how you ended up staying most of your afternoon in his place, talking and eating your cookies. It was cut short because he had to work, but before you left he made you promise to bake him more cookies.
You accepted, of course. Also, you had the feeling that Meatball was going to find his way to his apartment again.
The next time you saw him was in your day off, it was early in the morning, way too early for someone like you who didn't like mornings.
You were deep cleaning and throwing a bunch of stuff you didn't need into trash bags. And you had a lot of it.
Once you had everything you needed to get to the containers, you made an escape plan. Yes, escape plan because your cat would bolt out the door as soon as you opened it. Unfortunately, you were not quick enough and the little shit beat you to it, sprinting out the door.
“Meatball!" You groaned and followed him, trying to catch him but he was fast for such an oversized cat.
He was fast and slippery, quickly tiring you out before sprinting on the opposite direction. Rounding a corner on the hall and towards the flights of stairs, and then you saw Meatball jump into someone's arms. Jack's.
"Oh. Hey, Meatball” Jack was quick to adjust the cat in his arms, watching as you breathlessly stopped in front of him. “Jail break?"
You stood in front of him, trying to regulate your breathing "Yeah”
“I have the feeling that Meatball doesn't like being in your apartment" He pointed out teasingly.
You sighed heavily “Too bad, he's an interior cat"
Jack merely hummed, amusement lacing his face.
Looking at him— really looking— you realized he was wearing scrubs, shifting the weight from one leg to another. "Coming home from work?”
“Yes, shift rang long" He was now distracted petting your cat.
You responded with a hum, staring to walk towards your apartments and away from the stairs and possible freedom of your cat.
Stopping by your door, Jack could see that you had something going on. “Cleaning day?" He asked you, his eyebrows raised.
"Deep cleaning day” You corrected him "That's how this Tasmanian devil escaped, he ran out the door when I was trying to get these to the container” you pointed towards the big trash bags.
He blinked at you, still holding your cat who was very happy to be held by him "Seems like you take cleaning very seriously”
“Something like that" You murmured, now realizing what a mess you had made with your idea of deep cleaning. "Anyway, let me take this one off your hands so you can go rest”
Meatball hissed angrily when you tried to take him from Jack.
With a frown, you pointed at your cat with your index finger "Meatball, don't hiss”
He responded by slapping your finger with his paw before melting onto Jack, who was grinning while trying to suppress a laugh.
“Do you want a cat?" You asked your neighbor with a dead ass expression "It's free, I'll throw in 20 dollars if you accept”
Jack was now full on laughing, shaking his head "Nah, he's all yours”
"50 dollars, then”
“Tempting" Jack answered with a smile “Still no"
You huffed, glaring at your cat "Seems like the fucker adopted you”
Jack frowned at your words “Adopted me?”
“Yes” you answered with a firm nod "It happens, they pick their favorite human”
“Wouldn't that be you?" Jack tilted his head in confusion.
"No, I am only the human that feeds him and keeps him alive” You rolled your eyes at your cat "You're his favorite human now.”
“I guess that is… good?” He asked softly, not fully understanding what you meant.
You gave him an amused glance "You're not much of a cat person, are you?”
He shook his head bashfully “Not really, no. I've always been more a dog person"
With a chuckle, you nodded "You have that vibe about you, yeah. Doesn't matter now cause you officially been adopted by my cat"
Jack gave you a doubtful glance "Didn't he adopt you too?”
“Nope, I adopted him, he adopted you" You shrugged “Weirdly enough"
That's how you started making friends with your next door neighbor, through your cat.
Meatball seemed to love Jack, always scratching the door when he would hear him arrive or pass by your door while you tried to explain to him that it was way too early for him to he planning mischief.
Though your cat did not care for any of your chiding, looking for a way to get to Jack. It was official, Meatball had adopted Jack.
The doorbell rang a little too early for your taste on day. Opening one eye, you glanced at your clock, seeing it was a little past 7:30 in the morning. Yes, you had to be starting to get ready for work in about 20 minutes if you wanted to leave on time but those were minutes you liked to get of sleep.
With a groan you threw your blankets off you, grabbing a robe and putting it on before moving to answer the door.
There, you found Jack with Meatball lounging comfortably in his arms. You didn't even know when had Meatball escaped from the comfort of your home but seemed like the little demon wanted to always be with Jack.
You sighed heavily “Hi, Jack"
He smiled at your disheveled appearance "Hi. Meatball was sleeping on my couch and I thought you might want him back”
You opened the door for him to step in. “Offer still stands, get the cat and 50 dollars"
He chuckled, putting Meatball down "I think it is a hard pass still. He would grow lonely”
You smiled at him, going into the kitchen to serve Meatball his breakfast. “I don't know how you work nights" You commented.
Jack shrugged, following you to keep the conversation through the kitchen threshold "My therapist says I find comfort in the darkness”
Huh, that sounded about right.
"Overrated”
You scoffed softly "There is nothing in the world I love most than sleeping. I think I was a mite in a past life"
“And what about sleep?"
That got him to chuckle “Very unlikely but I know what you mean"
You saw Jack grab a cookie from the plate on your kitchen counter. After the first bite, he let out a sound of agreement. "These are delicious. New recipe?”
It was endearing how much Jack loved your baked goods and how he always complimented you. It was not helping you to avoid having a crush with your neighbor.
You hummed with a smile “They have a tiny bit of lavender"
He pointed at you "Delicious. I'm going to get big only by eating what you bake”
With a chuckle, you grabbed the plate, putting a few on a container "You are not. You exercise and do yoga and a lot of shit, you’re safe”
He took the container once you handed it to him “Maybe, but still."
"If you don't want it…" you started, reaching for the container.
Playfully, he pushed your hand away “No, no. I want cookies"
“That's what I thought" you smiled at him before glancing at your clock. "Oh, shit. It's late, I have to get ready for work”
He smiled at you, grabbing the container so he could leave "I'll see you around. Have a good day at work”
“Thank you for bringing Meatball" You returned his smile “I owe you"
Jack showed you the cookies “Payment enough. I'll let myself out, you do what you have to"
“Bye, Jack. Thank you so much" You said, already making your way to your room to get ready.
A few weeks passed by before you saw Jack again, yet this time it was you seeking for him.
You knocked on his door, a big plate full with a variety of sweets in your hands while you waited for him to open the door.
Once he opened the door, he smiled when he saw you. "Well, hello”
You gave him a sheepish smile "Hi, Jack"
He rested his weight on the doorframe, staring at you with suspicion “I'm guessing those sweets are to convince me of something"
"I always give you baked goods!” You defended yourself before sighing "But this time I do need something”
With a chuckle, Jack invited you in. Once the two of you were comfortably sitting, he asked “Shoot. What do you need, Sweetheart?"
Sweetheart? He's calling me sweetheart? Oh, I'm going to swoon. Dramatically.
You blinked at him "Sweetheart?”
He nodded “Sweetheart"
You shook your head, letting it go for the moment "Alright, so I need a big favor to ask you”
“Didn't know we were on the stage of asking big favors" Jack smirk showed when he said that.
“Didn't know we were on the sweetheart stage” You threw back.
“Touché. What's the big favor?"
At that, you took a deep breath, steeling yourself "I need to know if you could be my cat-sitter for a couple of days?”
He raised his eyebrows at that "Cat-sitter?”
“Yes, I need to get out of the city for a few days and as much as I'd like to take him with me, I can't" You explained, your tone desperate.
"Everything okay?” came Jack's question.
Wait, he looked… worried? He's not helping my dumb heart.
You sighed heavily “Yeah, it's just kind of a family thing and I don't have a place adapted for Meatball at my parent's house, besides he always get too nervous when traveling"
“Your parents live far?”
“Three hours by car" you answered “and I'm driving all the way there. Meatball definitely won't last that long in his carrier. I usually leave him with a friend but she has a newborn now and you're my last budget friendly option"
It was obvious you almost blurted out that information, seemingly talking fast when you were nervous or anxious.
He was staring at you with a tinkle in his eyes "You really know how to talk a lot without breathing, don't you?"
You left out a groan “Jack! Focus, please"
Jack raised his hands in innocence “Alright, alright. I think I can manage with Meatball"
"Really?” You asked him, relieved "Oh, I will he in debt with you forever”
"When are you leaving?”
"In three days” You answered softly "I will write down everything you need to know and I'll bring you everything you need” Giving a look around his place, you dared to ask "Would you mind if he stays in your apartment? It's just that he gets clingy"
He nodded "Yeah, no problem. Besides, I think it'll be better that way”
"You're my savior” Relief laced your words.
Jack pointed at you "You owe me a lot of baked goods”
"Of course” the sigh that left your lips was one of pure relief and you could tell Jack was finding it amusing “Thank you so, so much"
Your stress was quickly replaced with relief, you could not let your baby be alone and Jack seemed like the logic options since Meatball loved him a lot. You were doubtful of asking him to cats sit, but he was your last resort and you didn't have the money to spend on a hotel for pets, they were too expensive and you were a tiny bit distrustful about how complete strangers would treat Meatball. So that was a no.
…
"… and you call me if something seems slightly off with him, so I can call the vet and—”
Jack put his hands on your shoulders, leveling his gaze to yours “I have it under control, Sweetheart."
You took a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves “Sorry, I tend to get anxious"
Rubbing your shoulders, he shot you a smile "I assure you, Meatball is in great hands”
Looking at said cat, he was comfortably laying on Jack's couch, without a care in the world.
Jack Abbot is very aware of the fact that you are overly protective of Meatball, he can see it in the constant worry etched into your face anytime he doesn't eat his full plate of food or meows the wrong way. Jack has spent enough time around you and your cat to know when something is off in your eyes regarding Meatball.
"You're right, I'm being a lot right now”
He chuckled softly "You're just worried, it's normal. He's your baby” Jack pointed towards Meatball, who was sleeping belly up, a very good signal that he was comfortable with Jack around.
Looking down at your clock, you let out a sigh “I think it's time for me to go"
"Everything will be fine” He said slowly, reassuring you once again. He was being too patient with you. "Text me when you get there, okay?”
"Of course” you nodded, making your way to say goodbye to Meatball.
Feeling you near, Meatball opened his eyes, looking at you with curiosity before letting out a little meow, asking for you to pet him.
You peppered kisses on his little head "I love you so much, little shit. Be good for Jack” with wack kiss to your cat you murmured your words, asking him to behave.
Once you were a bit satisfied you stood upright, moving towards the door, opening it but not quite leaving yet.
"Last thing, he likes his food served far from his water—”
“… and at certain hour, I know” Jack was confirming everything you had told him, patiently.
“— he has to have a little play time or he gets angsty—"
"…Yes, 20 minutes everyday is the minimum”
“— he will wake you up for cuddles almost always, he's clingy like that—" you kept on rambling.
"… but if I'm tired I should keep his mouse toy close so he could focus on it instead, yes”
"— he can have two treats each day, if he behaves—”
“…not more than two, I am aware”
“—also, he doesn't like to eat alone so you must—"
"…put his bowl next to where I eat and eat with him. I know"
You squinted at him, realizing he had indeed listened to you. “Okay, you have everything under control. I'll leave"
He smiled at you, getting closer to bid you goodbye “Drive safe, we will see you in a week"
With a reluctant sigh, and without really thinking about it, you moved to kiss his cheek "You're the best, see you”
Jack saw how you left after that, standing frozen in place while his heart was beating so fast because of a little kiss on the cheek. God, you were going to be the end of him.
The days passed and there was not a single day when you wouldn't be texting him or calling him to know if Meatball was okay.
…
Neither of you would admit it, but the calls and texts were the best part of both of your days.
It was becoming increasingly hard to ignore the crush you had on your neighbor yet you couldn't bring yourself to be forward with your feelings. Besides, what if Jack didn't feel the same? You only knew each other recently and most of your conversations happened because of your cat or the sweet treats you gave him.
Jack Abbot was not fairing better than you, he could not stop thinking about the owner of the cat he was sitting. You had come into his life full of chaos and comfort and now he could not dare to think about a life without your cat, sweet treats and you in it.
Shit, thinking about it, maybe you do look like a schoolgirl with a crush.
On the last day before going back to Pittsburgh, you called Jack two hours before he was to start his shift, knowing his schedule almost by memory.
The phone rang two times before Jack picked up. “Hello, Sweetheart”
Shit. Fuck. You could not let his voice affect you the way it does.
“Hi, Jack" You answered into the phone while packing your bags. “How's my baby?"
You could hear movement on the other side along with the chuckle that left his lips “He's okay, asking very loudly for treats”
A laugh left your lips at that. Even in the distance, you knew your cat and how spoiled he was “Yep, that's my baby. Means he's okay, though"
Jack hummed and you could hear the smile in his lips "I must admit, Meatball is a tiny bit spoiled”
“Try very spoiled" You rolled your eyes “I thought he was going to take harder the fact that I was not around but I think he's doing pretty good" A pause “I don't know if I should feel relieved or offended"
“If it's any consolation, he was trying to scape earlier"
“Sadly, it's not. Meatball keep refusing to a life of luxury, full meals and a warm bed." You didn't know what else to do for that cat to understand he had it nice and he doesn't appreciate it.
"He wants to experiment, be a bad boy and find love” Jack's voice was full of amusement. He loved those little chats were both you and him left your minds fly free, grateful that you understood his humor.
"Don't we all” You murmured, trying to remember if you were forgotten to pack anything.
"What? Find love?” Jack asked you while laying on his bed, your cat by his side.
"Yeah” You answered, your mind still preoccupied "I mean, I love love but I can't seem to find it”
His heart ached at the thought of you not finding the love you deserved “You’ll find it, I'm sure of it"
“How can you be so sure?" You asked him, now flopping into your bed. “I've been single almost my entire life"
"Good things comes to those who wait”
“Then I'm getting the fucking best of what love has to offer" Humor was lacing your words.
Yes, you were a little skeptical of the ways life worked.
“Be patient, I'm sure it's in the way" He tried to comfort you, hearing your voice change a bit.
A groan left your lips, sounding more tired and sleepy than awake. The bed was too comfortable and a nap sounded good.
You could hear the chuckle that left his lips through the cellphone “Sleepy, are we?" he teased you.
He could hear the ruffling of the bed as you turned into your side in the bed “Yeah, a little."
“You should probably have a good night sleep, you're coming back tomorrow, right?"
You hummed and nodded, even when he couldn't see you. “Are you on your way to work already?" your question was interrupted by a yawn. You were indeed tired.
A chuckle left his lips at your yawn, he could only imagine how adorable you looked all sleepy, yet you were still asking about him. He checked his clock before answering you “Probably should head out any minute now. I'm cuddling with Meatball at the moment”
You could not help but let out an ‘aww’ at the mental image of it "That sounds comfy”
“Meatball is such a good cuddler"
Your smile turned into a frown once you thought about how much hair Meatball shed "Wait, your scrubs are black”
“And?"
"You will be full of Meatball's hair!” your tone was one of worry, you usually did not care for cat hair but Jack's a doctor, you're pretty sure that's a health violation.
"Oh” he said in realization of what you meant "I have one of those sticky rollers thingy”
You chuckled softly at that "You mean a lint roller?”
“Yes, that thingy"
Without helping it, you rolled your eyes with fondness "I don't know how you're able to memorize all that doctor language but not the name of a lint roller"
"Doctor language is easy stuff”
“I beg to differ, I’ve never been able to correctly pronounce the name of complicated medicine"
“That’s cause you're not a doctor, Sweetheart” Jack's voice was laced with teasing.
A yawn left your lips, sleepiness taking over you almost completely now. “Yeah, you're right"
“Go to sleep, Sweetheart" His voice was firm “I shall see you tomorrow"
You hummed in response, your eyes already closed "Bye-bye, Jack”
The drive back to Pittsburgh was uneventful and peaceful, giving you a lot of time to think and reflex about the dumb crush you were developing for your very handsome neighbor.
It took you a total of one hour driving alone with your thoughts to get to the conclusion that you were, indeed, fucked. Of course you were, you had a bigger and softer heart that you would like, always falling hard for people that didn't feel that way about you.
Oh, you stupid lover girl.
The rest of the drive, your thoughts were swarming with plans of how to fall out of love with him.
Love? Who said love? Stupid heart.
Yes, maybe love was a strong word but, as said before, you were kind of a lover girl, so the months you had known him got you dreaming of being with him.
As said before; Fucked.
It was around noon when you arrived to your apartment complex, unloading your bags and things you brought from your parent's place. You were almost sure that Jack would be sleep, given the hour, so you decided not to bother him until later, only shooting him a text.
You
Hey! I'm home, let me know when you're awake so I can pick up Meatball.
:)
While you waited for Jack's reply, you took on the task to dust off and prepare a little snack, wanting to be as productive as you could be before going back to work the next day. Good luck your mom sent you home with a week's worth of meals.
It was a couple of hours before your doorbell rang, signaling someone was there and it probably was Jack.
From your place on the couch, you asked “Who is it?"
"It's me” came Jack's voice from the other side of the door.
“Come on in, it's open" You shouted, not caring for moving from your very comfortable place on the couch.
It was a few seconds before you heard the door opening, and there he was; Jack Abbot holding your chubby cat in his arm. Meatball was quick to jump from his arms and run to you, snuggling against your chest making you chuckle.
"Hi, baby” you kissed his little head "Looks like someone missed me”
Jack moved to sit across from you after closing the door, staring at the image in front of him with a soft expression. "Yes, we missed you” He confessed.
You tilted your head, looking at him with an inevitable smile “We?"
You were basking on both the purring coming from the cat in your chest and the warmth you felt when Jack uttered those words.
"We” Jack confirmed with a nod of his head "It wasn't the same without you around”
“I was only gone for a week"
"It was more than enough to miss you” Jack said almost instantly, his words sounding too honest for your liking.
Your only answer to his words were a smile, you did not know what to reply to it.
Shaking your head, you tried to stir the topic away from things that would make your heart act irrationally.
"How this little fur ball behaved?” You asked Jack.
“He was delightful, though he didn't like one mug I had"
You groaned loudly, of course Meatball had to break havoc on another house “He did not"
"He did” Jack confirmed "Let's say he looked quite pleased when it landed on the floor and broke to a million pieces”
You nodded solemnly "I know what you mean” with a sigh, you reached for your cellphone "I'll transfer you the money”
Jack immediately held one hand up "You will not”
“I need to atone for any mischief Meatball did, that includes paying you for what he broke"
He shook his head "I don't want your money, it was an ugly mug anyway"
You gave him a deadpan look, not liking the idea of not paying for something your cat broke intentionally “I must insist to pay for the mug"
"I don't want your money”
“Jack" you said in all seriousness.
"Sweetheart” He matched your tone.
“I'm paying for the mug" You were not willing to let it go.
“I will accept cookies as a payment, that's it"
You pursed your lips, not liking how he didn't want to let you pay for your cats misdeeds. "Money”
“Nope. Cookies"
You shot a glare in his direction. "I give you cookies because I want to, I don't like to see it as a bargaining chip or I would lose any interest however to bake them. There has to be payed with money"
He pursed his lips, his eyes showing that he was thinking about what to do next. “I will not accept your money. It was just a dumb mug"
"I don't care, I pay my dues” the stubborn monster in you was taking reign.
Silence involved your loving room for a few moments before his face lightened with an idea.
“Alright, I'll tell you what" he was trying to make his smile seem innocent but he was failing “I know how you can pay me back"
You squinted at him, carefully nodding "I'm listening…”
“You can let me buy you dinner" He all but blurted out.
Shit. He wants to take you on a date? You go, girl.
A frown etched itself into your face despite of your heart screaming for you to agree “Wouldn't I have to buy you dinner?"
"I know what I said. I will buy you dinner” His voice was absolute, leaving no room for negotiation.
“I haven't said yes"
"You haven't said no” His smile was growing bigger by the minute.
“You work nights, you can't buy me dinner"
“Breakfast, then" He was quick to solve any problems you were throwing his way. “or lunch"
Holding his gaze for a few seconds, you finally let out a sigh, making Jack's face to light up even more.
“Alright, you win. I will let you buy me lunch" your resigned tone could not be far from the real party that was going inside your head.
Jack was now full on smiling, making his way to you, stretching his pinky your way.
You looked at him up and down, a fake disgusted face on “What?"
"We have to seal it” He pointed out "It's the only way”
With a roll of your eyes, you sealed the deal pinky swearing.
He let out a satisfied sound before leaning down, his eyes finding yours “Stop looking pissed, I shall see you tomorrow for our date. I'll text you"
Before leaving he made sure of saying his good-byes to Meatballs, who poured happily from the attention.
Jack stooped by the door, shooting you a different smile from the ones before. This one was lacking any kind of teasing, leaving in its way a soft smile, full of expectation and… longing. “Bye, Sweetheart."
You matched his smile, no doubt looking foolish "Bye, Jack. See you tomorrow”
"I can't wait”
And with that, he left you alone with your cat.
Alone. Now it was the time for you to panic and crash out.
Sadly enough for both of you, you could not make it to the lunch. The chaos around you in your work was a bit too much, impending you to grab lunch with him.
You took a few minutes away from the chaos to call him, this was two hours before you were supposed to met.
It rang a few times before you heard the call connect.
"Hey, Sweetheart”
" Don't hate me” was the first words you uttered when you head his voice “I won't be able to get away for lunch"
You heard the disappointed sigh that left his lips and it made you feel worse with yourself.
" That's okay, we will reschedule” His voice was kind, trying to mask the disappointment. He was a little too excited about the date.
“I will make it up to you, I promise" You quickly reassured him, picking on your nails nervously.
" I know you will, Sweetheart. Don't worry”
You didn't answer, merely staying silent while your mind was screaming at you for this. It was mortifying, you really did want to go out with him.
His voice snapped you out of your head, taking you back to reality.
“Hey, you still with me?"
“I- yeah. I'm here" your voice was small, apologetic even. " I'm real sorry, Jack”
"I understand, okay. Don't feel guilty.” His voice was warm, caring. “I have a night off on Friday, maybe we could go to dinner after all?"
A chuckle left your lips “Yeah, okay. I'd like that"
"I'd like that too, Sweetheart. I'll see you later, okay?”
"Okay, Jack”
You said your respective goodbyes before hanging up, yet you still couldn't stop feeling guilty. You were expecting to grab lunch with him too much, but stupid work things that didn't allowed you were your first enemy now.
You spent all day at work thinking about Jack. Yes, stupidly enough. You didn't understand how destiny didn't allow you the simple favor of letting you go on a date with Jack. It was unfair.
…
Your luck was getting worse and worse with each passing moment. You had gotten home way later that you were used to because you had to solve some problems back at work.
It was a given that your mood was pretty bad by the time it was dark. You had wanted to see Jack before he went to work, but again, that was not possible thanks to your own job.
All you had now was the shining opportunity of a shower, food delivery and couch rooting next to your fat cat.
You were naive to believe it would be that easy. Yes, you took a long shower, dressed in your comfortable pj's and moved to the couch to put on your show while you waited for the food you had ordered to arrive.
Everything was going good, even Meatball was cooperative by sharing the couch with you, asking for cuddles.
Pity your luck had not gotten better since the start of the day.
When the food arrived, you got up from the couch, going to get your purse to pay for it. Little did you noticed that Meatball was already planning his escape as soon as you would open the door.
Once with your purse, you made your way to open the door, engaging in small talk with the delivery guy while he handed you the food.
It was an instant that you got distracted. It was enough.
Meatball ran out of the door with all his energy. The delivery guy— God bless his soul— tried to catch him only to end up bitten by your demon cat.
“Shit! Sorry, he's vaccinated!" You all but shouted while sprinting behind your very fast cat.
Meatball was on a mission, live a life of freedom away from your cozy home.
It wasn't the first time he tried to run away, though this time he was set on doing it right. He kept dodging you, making his way towards the stairs, you could not let that happen, if he got there, it would be a pain to catch him.
So you put your all into trying to catch the fucking cat, running after him with only socks in your feet. Bad idea. Very bad. And you knew it the moment your cat took a turn right instead of going straight in direction of the stairs, making you try to break sharply. It didn't work, your socked feet sent you flying forward, the floor too slippery thanks to the fabric on your feet.
You don't really know what happened after that, only feeling a sharp pain in your arm, that was twisted in a strange position that was not definitely normal, and a stinginess in the side of your face.
You were laying on the floor, disoriented while looking around. You fell down a few steps of the stairs, now laying on the stairs landing.
Well, shit.
It was a while until the ambulance arrived— that was called by the delivery guy— and the paramedics quickly put you on a gurney, letting you know that you had dislocated your shoulder and had a minor laceration to your face.
You were about to ask if anyone had seen your cat, you could not leave him alone, when the little shit jumped into the gurney, settling his little body on your chest.
“Ma'am, he can't ride with us—" A paramedic tried to tell you.
"I'm not going anywhere without him” You said firmly, not leaving any room for negotiation.
Apparently, your paramedics were a little too tired that didn't even refute, merely nodding before they kept going.
“Wait" You suddenly said, startling everyone around. “Could someone go to my apartment" you pointed out to the wide open door when they were wheeling you down the hall “And grab his harness? It's hanging from behind the door”
With a long, tired sigh, one of the paramedics quickly went to get it so they could get you to the hospital and hopefully, clock out.
The ride to the hospital was quite uneventful, it took three minutes before Meatball worked his charm— he was a little too friendly for a cat sometimes— and had the paramedics wrapped around his little paw.
The pain wasn't all that bad, yet. You knew it was matter of time before the pain would start killing you, probably thanks to the adrenaline of the whole ordeal.
Deep down, you knew you almost asked the universe for it. Why? Simple. You were bitching about your day and how unlucky you were, blah blah. Last time you were acting like that you sprained your ankle. Once again the universe was reminding you that it always can get worse.
You felt the ambulance come to a stop, most surely arriving at the emergency room where you would be drugged up and fixed. Good, it was starting to hurt.
You were wheeled down the ambulance and into the other side of the sliding doors.
Ugh, hospital lights are always too bright.
As soon as you were spotted, two doctors made their way to you, addressing the paramedics.
“What do we have here?" Asked a tall doctor, a little gruff looking but he seemed nice.
The paramedics were quick to present you, telling your age and a lot of things you were not listening that intently "— old female, BP 139/88, HR 112, RR 19. She took a fall down a couple of steps, shoulder dislocation and face laceration. Patient is responsive”
“And what about the cat?" The question came from the next doctor, who looked a little too carefree while holding a concernedly big cup of iced coffee.
One of your paramedics turned to look at him with a deadpan expression "She wouldn't let us bring her here without Meatball”
Not far away from there, a doctor that you knew well, was reviewing some labs from a patient, not moving to tend to the new arrival since it was Shen's patient, lifted his head in curiosity when he heard the name Meatball.
Jack Abbot scanned the ED until his eyes fell on your laying form on the gurney, Meatball laying comfortably in your side, wearing his harness.
As soon as he spotted you, he was moving, calling your name. "What are you doing here?”
Meatball was quick to demand attention from his favorite human with a meow. Jack patted his little head mindlessly.
"Meatball. Jailbreak. Stairs. Fall. Hurt” You explained simply.
Jack sighed, staring at you with concern but ultimately shaking it off while turning to the other two doctors. "Shen, I got her" He addressed the caffeine holding one “Crus, you're with me" He said to the tall, stern looking doctor.
"North 15 is open!” A redheaded woman called from behind a very big desk, offering you a friendly smile.
You were wheeled to what you suspect is North 15, quickly being moved into a hospital bed before the paramedics said a brief goodbye and left you in the hands of capable doctors and nurses.
Both Jack and Dr. Crus started working on you, checking vitals and making sure that nothing else was broken.
“How's the pain?" Jack asked you, checking you pupils.
"Getting stronger by the minute” You murmured, focusing on petting Meatball with your good hand.
“Push 1 m.g. of Ketamine for the pain" He addressed a nurse who quickly nodded on injected a liquid into an I.V.— same one that you didn't even feel when they pooked it into your arm.
"You're giving me the good drugs?” You asked him with a smile.
“Only the best" Jack winked at you, continuously working on the preliminary exams.
You allowed them to keep assessing your injuries by staying silent, Meatball laying by your side while he followed every one of Jack's movements. Freaking cat was obsessed with him.
They were talking between them in terms you didn't understand. Doctor gibberish. But ultimately Jack turned to look at you. "I'll order and x-ray to discard any broken bone but I don't think it's more than the dislocated shoulder. Head seems fine and you're responsive” He smiled at you with relief "But we'll have to take care of that cut on your cheek”
You couldn't see the cut but you knew it wasn't pretty. “How many stitches?"
"Probably three but hopefully it won't leave a scar” He reassured you softly.
“Good, I cannot look too bad, I have a date on Friday" You teased him slightly, already feeling the effect of the meds.
He hummed, crossing his arms on his chest, his biceps popping out. "Is that so? Must be quite the guy”
"Well, my cat likes him, so…” You shrugged, pointing towards your very comfortable looking cat.
“A good judge of character" Jack nodded in approval “I still don't know how you managed to get them to bring Meatball along"
You shrugged softly, your head resting tiredly on the gurney "I refused treatment and asked them if they could get his harness from my apartment”
Jack shook his head, a chuckle leaving his chest “You are something else"
A knock on the glass door interrupted you, Jack was being called away, he turned to look at you hesitantly.
“Go" You said with a smile “I'll be alright"
He nodded at you, smiling softly before walking out of the room, facing his fellow attending Dr. Shen.
“Your patient in Central 14 is asking for you" Shen slurped his coffee was too loud for Jack's patience.
“Alright, thanks" Jack started to walk away, Shen following him. “Do you need something?"
“Who's the cat lady?" Shen asked, being his nosy self.
"She's my friend and neighbor”
Shen's eyebrows rose, staring at Jack “Oh, she's that friend, isn't she?"
“What are you talking about now?" Jack keep walking, wanting for Shen to go away and stop asking questions.
“Lately you check your cellphone and smile when you're reading texts of someone. I'm betting she is the one texting you and making your face light up every time"
“Shut up, Shen"
Shen raised his hands in innocence, deciding that short conversation was enough to confirm his suspicions, before going to tend to his own patients.
Of course Shen was right, Jack has had a crush on you almost since he met you, always smiling when you were around or when he received a text, though he was not going to let Shen know how right he was.
Once Jack was free and your x-rays were delivered, he made his way back to your room, finding you snoozing off. The cut on your cheek had been already stitched up and Meatball was being a complete angel, not moving from your side.
Jack moved to sit by the side of the bed, when you heard movement you opened your eyes, looking at him.
“Hey, Sweetheart" He said softly.
"Hi” was your response, followed by a yawn.
“Tired, are we?"
A groan left your lips “You have no idea"
“Good news, we can fix you up by popping your shoulder back in place" He informed you “No broken bones"
“That sounds painful, though"
His expression softened even more, if that was possible "We'll give you something for the pain. You will only feel a mild discomfort”
You only hummed, already feeling too tired to speak.
“Who did your stitches?" He asked you, tilting your head to observe the work.
"Dr. Crus” you replied "I didn't feel a thing"
He nodded satisfied with the work of the stitches “Good, that's good"
"So you'll pop back my shoulder and I can leave?” You asked hopefully, really wanting to go home and sleep.
“I don't think so" He replied instantly, watching your displeased frown “I know your family doesn't live close by and you can't go around all by yourself like this, the shoulder will take a few weeks to heal"
You pursed your lips, you were used to be independent and Jack knew it “Then what does that mean? That I have to ask my parents to come watch me as if I'm a child?"
He shook his head "I could help you, take care of you” Jack proposed softly “That is, if you want. But for the rest of the night I was thinking you spend it here and I'll drive you home after my shift"
"I don't want to spend the rest of the night in the hospital” You grimaced.
"Well, you can't go home by yourself. I'm your best option right now”
You let out a huff, acting a bit like a child but you were not happy with the whole way your day was going.
He tapped your forehead playfully, wanting to see that frown turn into a smile. You shot him a glare, not entirely pissed with him but partly.
“You'll get wrinkles" He teased you softly.
“Good"
"Sweetheart” Jack leveled his gaze to find yours, his face warm and kind "I know it's not ideal but it'll only be a few hours that you will spend sleeping”
"I will try to make my escape” You murmured with a frown.
Jack raised his eyebrows skeptically “With the meds that we're going to give you to fix the dislocation? I don't think so. You'll be drowsy"
“Keyword; try”
Despite himself, he chuckled softly “Look, my shift ends in…” he checked the clock on his wrist "Six hours. I'll buy you anything you want for breakfast if you make it that long without trying to escape"
"What about Meatball? His zoomies will kick in any moment now” You pointed at your cat.
“We'll manage" He shrugged softly.
You huffed once again “You're not letting me win this one, are you?"
He shook his head, trying to suppress a smirk, knowing you were about to give in.
“Alright, I'll wait"
"Attagirl”
…
It was a while before they were able to fix your shoulder, and Jack was right, you didn't feel a thing. Soon enough, you were sleeping comfortably with the lights off and clear instructions you were not to be bothered.
Every one of his colleagues were shooting him suggestive looks, amused with the fact that Jack seemed overly protective of you. He paid them no mind.
Jack keep working through his shift, stopping now and then to check on you and Meatball— who was laying protectively on your chest.
When it was nearing the time for hand offs, he asked Shen if he could cover, wanting to get you out of the hospital and into your apartment as soon as possible, knowing you would not be happy if you woke up and his shift had extended longer, as it was usual.
Once he set up everything to go, he woke you up, since he had already taken care of everything for discharge, he guided a sleepy you across the ED—while holding also holding Meatball— to get you seated in his truck comfortably.
You were sleepy and still drowsy thanks to the meds but you seemed in good spirits, enabling in conversation with him while holding Meatball in your lap.
Jack let you choose the food, and you decided you wanted to eat in your own comfortable home, so he decided to pick the food before getting there.
Once settled in your couch, he took it upon himself go feed Meatball before preparing you a plate of food, kind of hovering while you ate.
“I can feed myself, Jack. You don't need to hover” You murmured, taking a bite of your food.
“How's the shoulder? Any pain?"
"I'm good, stop acting like a doctor” You chided him, not being used to be fuzzed over.
“I am a doctor"
You simply rolled your eyes while letting the silence setting in.
"Jack?”
“Yes, Sweetheart?"
"Thank you for taking care of me” You said, looking firmly into his eyes.
Jack's expression melted, becoming one of pure warmth. “You have nothing to thank me for"
"I do, you're taking care of me and my cat”
He shook his head “I am doing it with pleasure, Sweetheart. You need me, I'm here. Simple as that"
You beamed at him, he was not helping your feelings towards him. "I guess we'll have to reschedule that date, huh?”
“You kidding? No more rescheduling" He shook his head “I'll cook you something special and we'll dine here”
“That's not how a first date is supposed to happen" You pointed out.
With a sigh, he moved to sit next to you, on your good side. “Don't you know?" he grabbed your chin, guiding your face towards his “I do not care about the date, I care about you"
Your breathing stuttered, seeing how close he was. “But—"
"No buts, Sweetheart” He tsk, leaning in slightly, his eyes lost in yours before glancing briefly at your lips “We will have that date, and hopefully you'll allow me to kids you"
You gulped softly "Why not kiss me now?” the words left your mouth in a whisper.
He moved to kiss your forehead tenderly "I am a gentleman. I'll wait for our date, make it special”
Jack was looking at you with bright eyes, caressing your cheek, being utterly careful of the cheek with the cut.
That got a laugh out of you, feeling your cheeks warming up. "I can't wait"
“Me neither" He whispered, looking at you with utter awe. “I want cookies once you're healed, though"
"As many as you want, Jack”
do not copy, reupload, translate or feed to artificial intelligence.
Pairing: Baelor "Breakspear" Targaryen x female! reader
Summary: A journey to Dragonstone is your next destination, Baelor does not want you to go but instead convinces you to allow a Knight to go with you for protection. He makes sure you know he is willing to mend what he broke. [4.5k]
Content: Canon divergent / non-canon, second wife reader, angst, mention of other characters, grief, guilt, targaryen family stress. No use of Y/N.
A/N: Hi! I know my updates are not as frequently as they were when I started writing this series but trust that I write as fast as my mind allows me to.
Disclaimer: English is NOT my first language so this may as well be written with my eyes closed and half delusional brain. Hope you enjoy it! NOT PROOF READ AT ALL!!!
Masterlist ✦ (14) < Series Masterlist > (16) ✦ Read on A03
“You cannot go" Baelor tried to make you see reason.
This conversation had been happening for long now, it has been three days since you informed him you wanted to spend some time alone in Dragonstone and he had been relentlessly trying to convince you to not leave. Not that he was getting somewhere with it.
"Would you prefer I left for my home instead Dragonstone? You cannot keep me here, Baelor” You responded while packing your things.
“I do not want you to go. This is your home" He whispered sadly.
"At least allow me this, I need peace and time. That is all I am asking” You reasoned, turning to look at him.
“I do not want you to be all alone" He murmured softly.
Gods, he looked so broken and so sad. Pity that you were in no state of mind to worry more about for him than for yourself. He would have to lick his wounds this time.
“I would take two of my ladies-in-waiting" You informed him.
He stayed in silence for a few moments. "Would you accept if I at least send a knight of my entire trust to look after you?"
You blinked at him, he was accepting— not that you gave him much option but either way. “Who is it that you have in mind?"
He mulled over the thought a few moments before suggesting it "Ser Duncan the Tall”
Inhaling sharply you looked at him with an expression of unbelief “I do not think that him would be fitting"
“I am asking for you to think about it" He pleaded, his mismatched eyes staring into your soul “He is a loyal knight and Aegon would follow him. That way you will not be alone"
That got you to soften. Little Aegon was one of the few people you still wanted around. He was a lively kid, smart too. "I will give you my answer by nightfall”
Baelor suppressed a smile, he knew you had agreed with those words but you would not let your guard down and accept that easily. At least you would be protected and have the company of Egg.
He nodded “I would wait patiently for your answer. I shall leave you to it" Baelor murmured before stopping “Do you need help with anything?"
Immediately you shook your head “I believe I can manage, thank you"
That was his cue to leave "Alright, Wife. I will bother you no more”
You hummed mindlessly "I shall see you at supper”
Once you heard the door close behind Baelor, you allowed yourself to breathe. He had been… suffocating, to say the least. You wanted to not feel smothered or pressured, that was the reason for your departure, you needed time to find that part of you that got lost, or at least a resemblance of it.
Later that day, at supper, it was just the two of us, as it had been the last few days. You could see that Baelor was trying, he just didn't know how.
"Have you given any thought to my proposal?” He asked you after a while of silence.
You blinked at him “About Ser Duncan going with me to Dragonstone?"
He hummed, looking into your eyes while waiting for an answer.
Staying in silence for a few moments, you reflected on it. “I guess I am not opposite to the idea. Aegon could enjoy the time away from court"
Baelor's expression lightened significantly at your words "Indeed and you would not be alone”
Taking a deep breath, you lowered your cutlery with a slight clink “You are aware that I do not know how long I will be away"
Mirroring you, he lowered his own cutlery “I am aware of the fact, yes"
"Might be weeks, moons” You remarked "Years even”
He leaned back in his chair, trying to masque his hurt at the thought “I know and I understand you need time"
You squinted your eyes at him "You are not fighting against it”
“I am not" He confirmed.
"Why?” You heard yourself asking.
With a deep breath, his eyes found yours firmly "I have taken too much from you, intentional or not. I think you are owed the kindness to retreat as you wish for”
The frown on your face deepened "And you are alright with it?”
“Hells no" He was quick to answer “But it is not about me, it is about what you need. I will tear myself apart to mend things or, at the very least, concede your every whim"
You were stunned by his words, that much was obvious, yet you found yourself skeptical. “If I were to ask you to let me have a paramour, would you agree with that?”
It was a test, you knew it and he knew it as well.
Baelor's eyes saddened at the thought, but he was aware that he was in no position whatsoever to deny you anything. He had already failed you too greatly.
"You do not need my permission, should you desire to do so” He whispered "I merely ask you discretion, I would hate it if someone tried to hurt you with any unwanted information”
You blinked at him, that was not what you were expecting. "You would not be against it?” Confusion laced your words.
"Of course I would hate any minute of you loving anyone else, but I am not the exemplary husband to try and deny you anything your heart might want. As I said, would you decide to do so, I merely ask you take care of yourself and have discretion” He held your gaze the whole time.
Beyond stunned, you did not look away but dared to ask him “And if I were, would you take one too?”
His answer was immediate “I would never do such thing. You are my wife and I swore my loyalty and faithfulness to you"
You were left speechless, staring at him with mixed feelings. Deep down, your heart cried for him, this part of him he was showing you. This was the Baelor you had fallen in love with.
The rest of the dinner went by in silence, you lost in your own head while Baelor observed you full of curiosity.
⊱ ──────ஓ๑∗๑ஓ ────── ⊰
When the day of your departure to Dragonstone came, you were accompanied by Baelor, Valarr, Kiera and Matarys to the ship that was taking you all the way there.
"Take care of yourself, Mother” Valarr told you, hugging you tightly “Do not forget to write"
You chuckled, basking in the hug "I will not, I promise.”
Matarys seemed reluctant of you parting from them, he felt like you were abandoning them even when deep down he knew it was not the case.
Seeing his down expression, you moved to hug him as well "Do not be upset, Matarys. I will be back”
“You are leaving us" He responded with a closed expression.
"I am not, I merely need some time away. I will be back and I will write regularly” You explained softly.
“Only if you promise" He murmured, returning the hug.
You kissed his cheek with tenderness “Of course"
Moving to finish saying your good-byes to Kiera, the only one left was Baelor, who looked like a kicked puppy.
"You do not have to go” He whispered as you got close to him.
“I believe I have, I would grow resentment against too many people if I stay” Your words were true, knowing deep down that the resentment you were growing, though understandable, was not you desired rooting in your heart.
He sighed, knowing you needed this and he was willing to do what it took for you to be alright and happy“I will miss you"
You did not respond his words, merely glancing away before settling your gaze in his again “Maekar agreed for Aegon to join?"
"He was not too happy about it, but understands that he agreed to let Aegon to be Ser Duncan's squire”
"I will make sure he is well” Your promise was meant to reassure that you would take care of his nephew.
"I know” He said with a soft smile. He was aware that you were protective of the little boy.
“Would you promise me something?" You asked him after a few moments.
“Anything." He quickly answered.
"Take care of yourself, take care of them” you looked at his sons “I am aware they are grown but still”
Baelor nodded, his expression melting at your concern “You do not have to ask. Always"
You fidgeted in your place, nervous and without knowledge of what to do. In reality, you were concerned of unwanted feelings resurfacing if you were to hug him.
But him did not stay still, moving into your space and cradling your face with so much love and care that almost made your walls melt.
“I love you" He said firmly, his colorful eyes set on yours. “And I am sorry about everything, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you let me" his words were raw, honest and full of conviction.
He leaned down, placing a long kiss on your forehead, trying to pour everything he could not say in the little action. “Be safe"
"I will, Baelor” you reassured him, before starting to walk away, ready to get into the ship that will take you to your home for a time.
As you got into the ship, you saw Baelor making his way to Ser Duncan and Aegon, telling them something at what they merely nodded. You were sure he was, once again, trying to make sure they understand that he had to look over you.
It took a few minutes until Ser Duncan and Aegon joined you, one of them looking beyond excited and the other looking like duty bonded. It was obvious who was who.
With a final wave, the ship started to sail away, leading you to the place that would host you for a time.
Once you were far enough that your family looked like little dots, Aegon made his way to you, holding something in his hands.
“Egg" You smiled at him “Are you excited to spend some time in Dragonstone?"
His smile was immediate “Yes, I've never been there"
"It is quite impressive, you will enjoy it, I'm sure”
He nodded, his smile ever persistent before he extended what he was holding to you.
You tilted your head in curiosity “What is this, sweet boy?"
"Uncle Baelor said to give this to you” Aegon murmured, extending a letter and a little box "And he told me to ask for you to wait until you were in Dragonstone to open it"
You tilted your head in curiosity “Do you happen to know what the box holds?"
His answer was immediate “I am but a simple messenger”
A chuckle left your lips, amused at his little quirks you always found too adorable. “Alright, little messenger. Thank you"
…
Back in King's Landing, Baelor was in his solar staring in the direction Dragonstone was, lost in thought. He didn't even heard his mother entering, it was until she repeatedly called his name that he snapped out of it.
Turning his head slightly, yet not moving from his place on the window, he addressed her “Yes, Mother?"
“I have been calling you for a while, yet you seemed miles away from here, my son" Queen Myriah pointed out. She was not a woman to hold her tongue when it came to her family.
"Apologies, my mind is indeed far away”
Queen Myriah's only response was a hum. She knew her sons very well, and she knew when they needed to be brought back to reality. To make them see their mistakes. Her sons were her entire life and soul, however that doesn't mean she will not hesitate to take the side of those who need it. Per example, your side in the whole endeavor that happened back in Ashford.
"You are thinking of her” Her words had no trace of a question.
"I am always thinking of her” Baelor now turned to face her "Yet I must admit my thoughts are cloud by her lately. More than usual”
Queen Myriah took a seat in front of the desk, staring at his son whom had a rigid posture, as if waiting for something bad to happen at any given moment.
"It pains me to say this to you, but I will do it regardless” Her words were firm with that character one only brews by living long enough. "She left because of you"
Baelor gritted his teeth. Of course he knew it was all his fault, yet it was not pleasant to be reminded “I am aware, Mother"
“No, you are not" She looked away for a moment, trying to not let her emotions reign her “You have been a fool, Baelor. You put honor and duty and everything else before her and your unborn child, then you act pained when she decides she does not want to be near you for the time being, after everything she has been through"
"It was not my intention for any of this to happen!” His voice was not raised, yet he felt like a child once again.
"That is a poor excuse and you know it” Queen Myriah glared at her son, her piercing brown eyes, so full of fire and emotion reminding him what is to be a Dornish woman "I understand why you decided to help that poor knight, I understand that you almost died and you had no memories of your life after Jena. What I cannot understand is why you refused to see her, to be with her, support her when she had lost a child!”
“She was not the only one that lost a child!" Baelor refuted, desperately trying to convince his mother— and himself — of any possible defense he could might have.
"Do not give me that, boy” She hissed in anger. This was not the boy she had raised "I am not saying that you do not suffer the loss, but she was all alone while she gave birth yet she fought with all her being and when she was handed her still child, she was all alone because you decided to play knight!”
Queen Myriah didn't allow for his son to refute her words "Now, given the facts, of course she does not want to be near you, near your brother and especially not near Aerion”
Baelor knew his mother was right. Of course he did.
"Aerion has been sent away” He murmured, turning to glance out of the window once again "Maekar wanted to send him to Lys but that would not be no punishment for the boy. I made clear that he was to be sent as a ward to Lord Tarly, mostly to ensure he learns discipline."
Queen Myriah raised her eyebrows, skeptical “And if he is not to learn anything? After all, he is a spoiled child that knows between right and wrong but deliberately ignores it"
“Then he will be sent to the Wall" Baelor said firmly, his voice leaving no hint of a doubt “This is me giving him a last chance"
“Maekar would never allow it” She pointed out. She was well aware of how each member of her family behaved.
“I made myself clear and Maekar knows that Aerion has a lot to make up for" Baelor's voice was firm. He knew he had to make it better.
"You would sacrifice the relationship with your brother for her?” Queen Myriah's question was an honest one, void of any judgment.
"Yes” Baelor answered without thinking about it "I swore to protect her, take care of her and love her. I do not care what I have to do to do right by her”
For the first time since Queen Myriah knew the truth, she was looking at Baelor with proudness. Yes, she was proud that her son was finally owning his mistakes and looking for a way to earn forgiveness.
…
The long of your travels came to 3 days by boat since the Gods allowed you good enough weather to sail away towards Dragonstone. It was not often that you enjoyed a travel by boat, frequently falling into dizziness and nausea yet this one was different, the salty humid air agreeing with you for the first time ever.
Once you reached the island you felt drained, merely driven by the necessity for a bath, warm food and a fine night's sleep, yet you could not help to stand on the sand for a few moments, savoring the feeling of a weight being lifted off your shoulders.
Before being able to do all the things you wanted to do, you took it over yourself to show Ser Duncan and Aegon around, knowing Dragonstone from the little time you had spent there after you married Baelor, answering the little one's questions and basking in his excitedly face.
Ser Duncan was not that convinced with the arrangements of the rooms, believing himself not worthy of occupying the chambers that were reserved for highborn Lord's and Ladies.
“Milady, you must not bother on giving me rooms like these, I will be fine sleeping with the horses" Ser Duncan said with that thick accent of his, scratching the back of his head.
You waved him off, you were not about to allow him to sleep on the stables. "Nonsense, you shall sleep in the rooms I assigned you”
“Milady—"
"Do not try, Ser. She would not change her mind” Aegon interrupted the Knight's words, knowing you a little too well.
“You should listen to your squire, Ser" You shot Egg a smile "He is quite smart for his young age”
Ser Duncan lowered his head in respect, trying to make himself seem small, quite and impossible task. “Yes, Milady"
"Rest and bath, I shall see you both at supper” You said before retiring to your chambers, wanting a moment to rest yourself.
Opening the heavy door to your chambers, those chambers that you had shared with Baelor after marrying, it all felt so different from that time before. It felt like it had been ages ago but in truth it had been close to a year since you married.
Who would have thought that marrying into the Royal Family would only brought you problems, more that you would have liked.
You allowed yourself to bask in memories for a while, reminiscing about the good time you spent with your husband alone in the big castle.
Though your thoughts did not keep you entertained for long, your aching body taking reign and asking you, quite desperately, for a bath that was cooling down since it was prepared earlier by your command. You did not mind the cold, sometimes preferring it over a warm bath, and after undressing, you got into the tub, relaxing by the smell of the herbs and oils purred into it just how you liked, allowing your body and mind to fade away into unwinding.
That bath was the first time in a while since you felt that… calm. It was working wonders on you; the silence, the peace, the sound of the air whistling through the castle, the knowing of no royal duties to be fulfilled or people to be greeted.
Once the skin of your fingers started to wrinkle, you decided it was time for you to get out of the tub, not without letting out a long sigh, not too convinced to get out of your little bubble.
Getting out of the tub, you wrapped yourself on a robe, making your way to rest for a while before reuniting with Aegon and Ser Duncan to break supper. A nap sounded too enticing while you practically flopped into the bed.
As your head lolled to the side, your eye caught a glance of the little box and envelope Aegon had handed you back in the boat. Probably your lady's maid had left it for you onto the bed.
After mulling over your options briefly before deciding to reach out for the letter and box. You had to read it, otherwise you would not be able to sleep, your mind was stubborn like that.
Once in your hands, you decided to open the letter first, curiosity gawking at you. The envelope had a simple wax sealing, a tiny flower pressed on it, exactly resembling those letters Baelor used to send you before you married.
With a nostalgic smile, you took out the letter, ready to read whatever your husband had poured on it.
My Dear Wife,
Remember when we used to exchange correspondence when you were far away from me? I did not think that I could feel like a green boy again at my age, but you managed to make me feel that way. Bittersweet memories, ones that used to be sweet as honey, now stained by the weight of my actions.
If you waited long enough and if you listened to Aegon when he handed you this letter, you must be in Dragonstone by now, probably after taking a bath and having some rest after your travels. I wholeheartedly hope the travel by boat was nice to you, as I am aware the movement of the sea not always agrees with you, making you sick and whatnot.
I remember the first time you stepped on Dragonstone, right after the celebration of our wedding came to an end. To be honest, I could not wait to have you all to myself, to only be me and you. That two weeks we spent on that island were the best days of my life with you. The beginning of an eternal promise, if you must.
And now… now you are there alone, without me. Taking time for yourself. Time to mourn, to think, to reflect. Maybe you are even thinking of ways to part from me fully. If that was the case, know that I do not blame you. Hells, I would help you search for a safe way to do anything you ask, would you want that.
After Ashford, after my failings as a husband, as a father, I know nothing would remain the same. I messed our whole lives up, I have spend time thinking that maybe I should have died from the hit to my head. That way, maybe you would have a better life, not one tied up to a man that cannot even be there for you when you need it.
I despise how your face has fallen with grief, clouded by an emotion I had never seen engraved in your face before. I hate how the light, that characteristic light that you had, is now turned to ashes. And it is my fault.
The worse thing to it is I do not know how to make it better or rather, if I can make it better. The only thing I do know is that I want to make it better, I want to see you smile again, to see you be happy, to see that beautiful face light up at the simplest things.
I am a man full of greed when it comes to you, and perhaps that is what has took us to this point in life, but I will try my hardest to fix the mess I caused.
I am painfully aware that there is no way I can give you our baby girl back, but believe me I would trade my life for hers in a mere second. I cannot do it, I do not know why the Gods would not allow it, I wish they did, that way you would have her with you and you would be rid of me.
I constantly think of her, of how her little face looked like, her eyes, nose and hair. Was she resembling you? I certainly hope so. In my mind, I am just waiting for the Stranger to take me to met her and beg for her forgiveness. Life is not what we like it to be, sadly.
Did you tell you I was strongly convinced she was going to be a girl? I am pretty sure I did, it was the only thing on my mind since we learned you were with child. Strangely, it happened with both Valarr and Matarys, I just knew they were going to be boys.
You gave her a beautiful name, but then again, you have always been one to know how to do things. Everything you do has always been magic in my eyes, and it will always be.
That little box that Aegon handed you is something I have since we learned you were with child. It was to be a gift for her and one for you. A way to show you what my foolish mouth cannot utter sometimes.
Inside that little box, you will find a necklace that would have been for our baby girl, something she would have had and wear all the time, now it's completely yours. Next to it, you will find a ring, one that matches the one that I used to ask you to marry me. That ring signals you gave me a beautiful daughter and it is for you to cherish, would you want to.
I know it is likely you will never wear anything I give you, yet it all is yours.
I wish for you to know I will not bother you nor pressure you while you are far, I meant that I would give you all the time you asked for. I will wait for you until my last breath of needed to be.
Should you wish for me to inform you of anything happening here, you shall just send word and I will inform what you desire. You are the one in control, my love, know that.
I am yours, only yours. You are owner of my self, my heart, my mind, my all. Even if I have lost you forever.
I love you so much.
Yours always,
Baelor.
By the end of his letter tears were running down your face, your heart clenching with emotions you had not allowed to get out before. You had been suppressing a lot since everything happened.
You reached for the box, opening it and finding what Baelor said it would be. Both the necklace and ring were beautiful, thought for you and your baby girl with love.
Taking the necklace to see it better, you observed how delicate it was, appropriate to wear everyday. With a deep breath, you decided to put it on, feeling the weight of it against your chest. Strangely enough, it brought you some sense of comfort.
You did not know what to do with the ring, you were not ready to wear it, feeling it would feel wrong, so you decided to save in back in it's box along with the letter.
With a sigh, you knew the option of resting and a nap would be futile, better deciding to change into a light and comfortable gown, needing to take a walk, to think about Baelor's letter.
I will think about your words, you stupid man.
do not copy, reupload, translate or feed to artificial intelligence.
Oh, this is such an addicting story. I really love this, I actually binged it like a week ago or so and I was looking forward to this wonderful chapter!
I do feel a great satisfaction over the fact that she's leaving for milk and a pack of cigarettes at Dragonstone at least for a while💗
And actually—You know what? Hell yeah... get a paramour. Is Maekar available? It would be fun to play around and hurt his feelings too.
The way he immediately went to play the victim over his daughter's death like his wife didn't have to push her out of her hooha with no emotional support whatsoever. Baby, you've GOT to go to hell! Get his ass, Myriah! Use the chancla!
If he thinks a fuck ass letter (Oh, the emotional blackmail. It was written beautifully and I would definitely fold, at least in private.) is going to change it all, he's got another thing coming to him. Now I'm irritated at this man. AGAIN!
If that were really me tho, I would have needed that apology in dollars, euros and yens. I do understand that city girl shit wasn't very common in Westeros tho, so the letter is okay.
Can't wait for the next chapter, babes!! Put him through the ringer because he honestly deserves it.
Now that you mention it, Myriah would 100% use a chancla as her raising weapon.
I know!!! The letter almost got me to fold, but I won't. He has to pay back at least a little of the shit she put my girl through! (I don't have a clue how but we'll find out)
