Dating in Korea @datinginkorea - Tumblr Blog

Fucking clockwork.

A coworker told me fall starts tomorrow. That is ridiculous because it has been fall for a while now. But, tonight it’s cold, first ‘cold’ night of the year. It is 3:34am and KFF just texted me for the first time since the last time it was cold. Feb? Yogurt soju and probably an awkward lead-up to hot sex. Which, considering I ended up in a motel last Saturday with the Samsung guy I had a date with who runs marathons, but nothing happened because we were both tanked, this is a good thing. In other news, here is to hoping I didn’t royally fuck things up with Marathon Man given how I shouldn’t have gone with him. Should have said good night at my door and gone inside to sleep off the two bottles I drank on an empty stomach. Hell, our clothes actually stayed on. What a waste if nothing comes of it. I really like him. But if that's the last I see of him, I will have wished to have done more. Semi-related: if you've been reading a long time, you'll remember J. He called me about twenty times in the last week and we are meeting, as friends, soon. When it rains, it pours. Oh, how I love the fall.

Soju 2.

Soju at nine. I should probably stop playing Anipang and start getting ready. Or, you know, just one more round...

Kings and dares.

A coworker who is also one of my best friends left Korea this week. Because it was her last day, we all went out as an office. I am not even going to lie. This is our third hwaeshik-or-something-like-it in a row. On Friday nights. I was so less than thrilled to be there. It's not even that I dislike the company. I enjoy all my coworkers. However. Three in a row, taking up my Friday night, is not always my idea of a good time. Anyway, the night trickled down to us in a soju room with a closed door and high walls around us. I could hear the room next to ours. It sounded like a few guys. I could not hear any girls. Eventually, there were only three of us left. A male coworker, my friend, and me. We started playing Kings. Not King Game, the awful Korean game that ends up with me always being uncomfortable, but the American/Canadian game that sometimes ends up with, well, me being uncomfortable. (This version, as presented by the Canadian, was not how I normally play. But, I guess it was fun.) But, I was on a roll. And it was my second time to give a dare so I told the guy to take the soju bottle, and go next door. Knock on their door and ask them if they want to do a shot with you. The Canadian kept saying he couldn't do that, and I told him to just say he was new in Korea and it would be fine. I also told him Koreans play drinking games all the time, that they would love it. Now, I had no idea if they would love doing a shot or not, but I figured most Koreans out, at night, in a soju room, wouldn't mind. We sat in our room and cracked up as our coworker carried the soju bottle next door. We heard him trying to explain what was going on,and at that point we decided help him. Turns out, there were two guys next door. They both work for Samsung and worked on the latest phone. They were older than me, one was 31 the other 33, and very friendly. The 33 years guy was sitting my on my side. He was really polite and funny. They asked us to join their table. Unfortunately, right before joining them, I had made plans with Ramen to go meet him and his friends. So, I had to leave the Samsung guys after about 30 minutes. My coworker and friend decided to leave with me, and the guys look pretty bummed. It's been a long time since I've met a Korean man in a bar like that. I totally had forgotten about the Korean business card exchange. When we went to leave, I was pretty sure the 33 guy wanted my number. He also was shy about getting it, and eventually handed me his business card instead. I didn't want to call him directly the day after, but I did want to stay in touch with him. So, I added him to my phone and perved his Kakao. Haha. Now, the night before I hadn't seen him clearly. He was on my right and I never fully faced him. He also wasn't wearing glasses. When he popped up on my Kakao, I was surprised. He was so good-looking. When I sent the picture to my friend, she said that, yeah, that's what he looked like that night. So, he's polite, funny, good-looking and lives in my neighborhood? Yeah, we've been talking. And fast-forward a week later he's asked me out for drinks tonight. He's got a busy day planned, so I told him not to ask me for sure until tonight because I think he might be tired, but he says he won't be. Either way, we are definitely meeting again. A real Samsung guy in the flesh who doesn't post fake pictures on Tumblr. Haha. I guess I matchmade myself. Here's hoping it goes well.

Off-topic: Volunteering. With a church.

My friend is still trying to get me to go to her church. I am not down with that, but when I heard she volunteers every other weekend with an orphanage, I figured I could do that. She says there are about 80 babies there that have to sleep with the light on and have bad skin because not enough people can take care of them. Last time she went, four other people were there. For 80 kids. So I offered to start going with her. A heart. Apparently, I have one. Haha. Maybe there will be a hot pastor there.

And Ramen called.

We met. More to come later. Still trying to understand it.

Oh my [Anipang] heart.

Ramen has been sending me hearts everyday. So have all my Kakao contacts. I have been sending them back. As a joke, I copied the Anipang message and sent all my friends a broken heart in place of the real thing. I also sent one to him. Hey, when you’re at work, anything seems funny. My coworkers also thought it was hilarious. He replied. This is the first time we have talked since he randomly asked to meet me last year. He said, “Thank you but already knew that :)” I did not understand. I thought that, oh crap, he thinks I’m sending him my broken heart. I waited a few hours and wrote back that it was a joke. He said he knew that and that it was funny. I figured I’d just let it end there, since he is clearly not going to declare his love to me via Anipang and that I was stupid to send it to him. Much to my surprise, he texted me a few hours later asking me how I am. We’ve been talking since. What does this mean? No idea. I just know if he wants to talk, I’m down. It IS Ramen, after all. How could I say no? I simultaneously love and hate the holiday “let’s get back in touch with people we once dated” routine that happens in Korea. Like clockwork. I wonder who else will send me a message as we get closer and closer to January. But, no matter who contacts me, Ramen will always be my favorite.

Blast from the past.

Ramen just sent me two Anipang hearts...I guess I have to send one back.

insatiable-wanderlustt-deactiva

I swear only in Asia can you be caucasian male that walks into a club with a hunched back with your other guy friend that is losing his in hair in his early 20s and leave with two Korean women that should clearly be models. Every single time. This is a phenomena I will never understand. Nothing…

ambhyuk-deactivated20121111

Yep.

I believe it was jennargibson who told me the term “LBH” - Loser Back Home.

My boyfriend and I use it all the time when we see foreign guys who are gross and have gorgeous girlfriends. We just walk by and mutter “LBH” to each other. haha.

Then once he was like, “Amber, are you LBH?” and I was like, “No, I’m fantastic no matter what country I’m in.” LOL [joke! I’m not that vain.]

datinginkorea

Hey, remember a few years ago when many of the western men online in Korea said that Korean men were pansies and that the only western girls that would date them were girls that couldn't get western men to date them? Ah, fond memories. Thanks for reminding me how this part goes.

Now that I've gotten out my sarcasm for the day, here's a real question to you ladies. The term LBH stands for "loser back home," right? What exactly qualifies as a loser? Someone less than hot? Someone you wouldn't date? Someone who never had a girlfriend/boyfriend before? Someone who never even landed a date back home?

....seems to me some of the people on Tumblr, whether involved in the convo or not, would fall into one of those categories. You didn't really mean to call them LBHs, did you?

If an LBH is someone who you think is busted, for lack of a better word, dating someone of another race who you feel is decidedly not without knowing anything about either member of the couple...well. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, should they? You wouldn't like it very much if people were judging you in such a way, would you?

So, what's the definition? I'm extremely curious.

Samsung Sogaeting.

Friday nights, we get off early from work. This Friday, we had planned a mini-Hwaeshik, that is, no bosses were coming, only staff. Last weekend, we did the same thing, without the Korean staff, and a few of them had wanted to join, so we planned to go again.

It was really nice. Our staff is a mix of Koreans, Gyopos, Americans, and Canadians. I ended up sitting next to our newest female staff member. She's 29 Korean age and rather religious. I didn't think, at first, we'd get along, but she's really quite nice, and fun to be around. She said she couldn't drink much, so I thought she'd leave early, but she ended up staying until we changed venues.

She and I get along really well, partially because we have similar Korean pop culture backgrounds, which is initially how we started talking. She lived outside of Korea for ten years, so she understands both Western and Korean culture well.

In short, she's awesome.

We started talking about Korean guys and what it's like to date them. I explained to her a few times how I don't always go for the typical guy that girls would. I explained how being smart means more to me than being hot, and how a great personality can overcome even the most dismal of looks. She didn't believe it, at first, until we started comparing guys we liked in the bar. Eventually she looked at me and said, "Wow. You DO like nerdy guys."

I made an off-hand comment about how I'd like to start sogaeting. For those of you that don't know, sogaeting is pretty much formalized blind-dating set up between two friends of each party. (It doesn't just have to be friends, it can also be dating agencies or parents doing the match-making.) Ideally, the friends know you well enough to know what sort of person you'd like, so the person they set you up with, should work out to be someone you'd like to be with. As I'm getting older, it's harder to meet people the way I used to. I don't really have a lot of patience for online dating, and meeting in clubs or bars is fun, but generally not a place to meet guys for the long-term.

I said that probably a typical guy for me would be a Samsung or LG guy. The Gyopo across the table laughed and said, "Oh yeah. I'm sure. Money and a car. How typically Korean of you." I disagreed. I said it wasn't about that at all. That I want a man who has a job, and a future, and is smart. I said looks and money and transportation don't come into it, though, the kinds of guys I usually like, do have a higher-level of education, not always, but usually. And this does tend to lend itself well to a 'better' job. Thus, I explained, Samsung guys or guys like them, are a perfect dating pool for me.

My new Korean co-worker has already tried to get me to go to church with her, saying the men there are all good catches, and often single, and I think she's right. I've been to her church once, for a wedding, but I cannot pretend to be religious when I'm not, so I declined the invite.

When she heard what I said, she got very excited. I guess there's a guy she knows, who works at Samsung. He enjoys sogaeting his friends and so does she. They have a history of match-making their friends up and it generally works out. She said she'd given him a call and see if he could find someone that might work out well for me.

If all things go according to plan, my interesting-for-all-the-wrong-reasons, yet generally un-eventful dating life, should soon start to pick up.

We will see how this goes.

Anipang Etiquette

I'm sure most people are at least aware of the Anipang craze sweeping Kakao. I love a Bejeweled-style game as much as the next girl, so I've been playing up a storm. At first, I only sent hearts to my friends and people I speak with regularly. Cue the random hearts. Now, on Facebook, when you play a game where you have to send items out, you generally don't send to people that you haven't spoken to in a while. Which is why I'm currently confused at how many people I haven't seen or spoken to in years are sending me hearts. For instance, my former boss of three years ago is sending me hearts like mad. Haha, I'm not complaining. But, then there's the Korean guy who has my friend's former phone number. He decided to send me hearts a few days ago, and hasn't stopped. I send them back, because who doesn't need a heart, but it all feels awkward. I've never met him and have no idea who he is. Or former men I've dated. I haven't spoken to them in some time, and assuming from their Kakao Story, they all have new girlfriends. I mean, there's also this guy that I rather liked who I met in a bar. We chatted a few times after we met (both INP and her Busan approved of him, as they were with me that night. And his friends approved of me, I think) but stopped talking after he said Gangnam was rather far from Hongdae. Which is where we each live. I'm sure he is just sending hearts, but it feels weird not to say anything to him, given we've been exchanging hearts a few days now. And I'd still meet him, if he wanted to. He was a bit older than me, and only out because it was the owner of the bar's wedding, so they all got together at the bar to celebrate. At what point is it acceptable to be like, thanks for the hearts, how about we meet for a drink and play Anipang together? Or just the drinks? Haha.

Craigslist ad.

Oh, yes. HEY. When a girl is going through a dry spell, she does what she has to do.

After one drunken night with INP, I laughingly said, fuck it. I'm making a CL ad. And it's going to be honest. It's going to say what I'm truly looking for in a man.

Would you like to see what I wrote? If you were cruising the W4M section a few months ago, you might have seen it.

I am a single American girl. I have been in Korea a long time. I speak some Korean, but my listening is better. I like smart guys. Glasses are a plus. I want to meet a nice, 'nerdy' guy. I love computer guys or engineers. Nice guys finish last? Not for me! I am serious about this ad. If most girls don't find you sexy...I probably will. If you have had more than two girlfriends in your life, you are probably not what I am looking for. Can't wait to hear from you.

It wasn't the nicest thing I've written. At all. But, it worked. I got messages from guys who'd had more than two girlfriends begging me to give them a chance. I got messages from guys asking me if I'd accept them if they weren't engineers but liked to read. I got messages from men that asked me if glasses were a requirement, because they'd just had LASIK and didn't wear glasses anymore.

A majority of the messages asked if I was serious. They couldn't believe a girl like me could exist out there.

I wrote back to every single one, except for the single penis shot I got.

I got over 150 messages asking for my time.

In the end, I got a lot of no's. Either they were married, lived in America, just visiting Korea, or not compatible.

I got a few yesses, that I met, and then they turned into no's.

I got one maybe. A maybe that I was supposed to meet tonight (my fault that it took so long, not him) and that I am really excited to meet.

I also got a lot of funny stories.* A few of which I'll share here.

______________

*One of them leads to a marriage proposal, so there's always that option, should I choose to take it.

The truth about me. (And the entire askakoreanguy thing.)

I meant to come back, I really did. Then work got busy. My boss asked me to take a training course that involved me reading college textbooks and articles. I pulled two all-nighters in the final week of the training. I felt like I was going to die. The course, of course, was amazing, and probably worth it in the end, but it was draining.

Also, the the entire race thing really did get to me. Not so much the names that I was called, but the reasons it happened in the first place, as well as the follow-up lack of reaction from the Tumblr community. Sure, it all got sorted out in the end, but I've still got to deal with the aftermath. It's funny that when a girl jumps on a bandwagon, everyone else follows. But, when she's called out on it, no one follows. No one cares, really. I guess it's just hard, coming from my background, and with what I've dealt with growing up, to face a bunch of people that have no idea what it feels like to have a racial slur thrown at them, over what? A stupid fucking discussion about a difference of opinion, and then they question who I am. What I'm made of. And then other people come in, and say, oh, it's so funny! Haha! Mongrel! Hilarious that you were called nasty things, that no one should even say to their worst enemy. And when I question that response, I'm told that they get it ALL THE TIME and I have no right to even question behavior I find racist, because ARE YOU EVEN BIRACIAL?! Fast forward a month or two later, and the same girl is saying she's never experienced or even SEEN racism in her life, and it just makes me wonder. Why do I even bother?

When I started this blog, it was never meant to be a serious thing. It was meant to be light-hearted and fun. It was meant to be about my dating life. Not only clubbing life, but yes, that too. But dating life. Me meeting and dating men for the first time after two long-term relationships in a foreign country where I didn't (at first) speak the language or understand the culture. And it just so happened that I was dating Korean men, because, hey, I live in Korea. But, it's hard to sit by and watch social issue after social issue pass you by because you don't want to get involved. So, you do get involved. And then look what happens. There are people that were amazingly wonderful and helpful to me (of all races) during the entire Race Thing. And I've privately thanked those people. But, whatever, let's be real. It wasn't nice. And, as I've said over the years, Tumblr often isn't nice. Even if no one wants to hear that.

Then, a Korean man came forward. Tangentially related to the entire race thing, he came forward and said exactly what I've been saying (and, coincidentally, what got me into trouble in the first place and started the entire racial slur thing) from his own mouth. Then, another Korean man agreed with him. Maybe not in the manner I would have gone about it, but he did. And what happened? Did the people he was referring to even stop to think that maybe he was being honest? That the 'jokes' the bloggers make about Korean men and women are possibly legit offensive, and maybe shouldn't be said? No. They say that it's their opinion, and he's a liar, because it's not his photo, and he's a fake and whatever.

When you say racist things, and you get called out on being a racist, you don't fix it by slandering someone else. You're supposed to be a normal human being, step back, and look at your actions.

When askakoreanguy said what he said, I looked at my own posts. I realized, as I realized long ago, that perhaps the comments I made three years ago, towards no short list of Korean women, Korean men, foreign women, and foreign men were possibly offensive. Funny, maybe, but offensive nonetheless. So, I don't write those things anymore. I'm older, wiser, and and a lot more world-savvy than I was before.

Then, I thought about how I'd feel if someone translated what I had to say onto a Naver forum. I thought, you know, the fallout might not be so great at work, but I'm not ashamed of anything I've said. Perhaps, I could have worded things better, but I don't think I have something to hide.

I debated about writing again. I've been getting requests to come back (don't think I haven't read your messages anons, I have.) And I hesitated because I didn't want to be lumped into the entire racist crowd. But, I'm not going to hide behind anything because I know that I have shown more respect than I needed to (some of the guys, Korean or not, didn't deserve it) and I missed writing. I have, unlike a lot of you, had guys that I'm dating find the blog. Even when they didn't like what I'd written, they begrudgingly admitted that it was the truth, and they said they couldn't force me to take it down. They asked me to, one begged me to on the phone, after he realized that he'd been caught lying to be about being married and that I was about to write it on my blog, and then I did take it down. But, if I'm okay with men I'm dating reading it, then I'm okay with the world reading it. (Okay. Maybe not my boss. Haha.)

Also, I came back because Sanba ruined my first-date plans for the evening. *sigh* Too much rain to even meet, especially when the worst was to hit right as I got off for the night. Stupid Sanba. Do we really need THREE typhoons in a year? Come on!

Met a guy.

He's busy. As am I. This could work, or it could dissolve into nothing. As it is, we're both too busy this month. He's got a lot of work to do at his hospital, and I'm currently clocking overtime of 50 blocks of teaching time this month in the classroom. Note, this isn't the time I'm at work, which is now approaching 11.5hours a day. It's simply the time I'm in the actual classroom.

The good news is, he's not hassling me to meet up. The bad news is, I could easily see this falling by the wayside, even though he's pretty great, from what I know. Also, I'm tired. Who wouldn't be?

brandonnn

datinginkorea

therealericchoi:

brandonnn:

Vonnegut on the dramatic arc of our daily lives:

Because we grew up surrounded by big dramatic story arcs in books and movies, we think our lives are supposed to be filled with huge ups and downs! So people pretend there is drama where there is none.

Kurt Vonnegut explains drama | Derek Sivers

Vonnegut. GOD I miss him.

datinginkorea

Vonnegut was, and remains, the king of black humor.

Black Humor (n.):

1. a form of humor that regards human suffering as absurd rather than pitiable, or that considers human existence as ironic and pointless but somehow comic.

2. the juxtaposition of morbid and farcical elements (in writing or drama) to give a disturbing effect.

A non-perm/non-Crocs one for you, DH.

And for me. Because I love him more. Haha.

이선균 in Golden Time.

My summer drama, baby.

All jokes aside.

I also just felt the need to say, because maybe people really don't get it. But, when you type words like

nigger

jap

cunt

slut

mongrel

AND half breed

no one is joking. No one is making a poorly made joke. This is not a joke gone awry. There is no way to excuse it. It's not funny. It's not sarcasm.

It's hate speech.

It's not a joke. At all.

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