The Journal of R. Amell, Grey Warden

For those that don't know, my name is Raphael Amell, ex-Circle Mage turned Grey Warden. This is my journal detailing my thoughts and feelings during the Fifth Blight and beyond. Along with journal entries, I have also added drawings, supplementary notes, and letters to "enhance" my experiences.

[datmagigreywarden]

Remember about that fellow I wrote about a while back? Well, this is what he looks like.

[datmagigreywarden]

About Jowan

I knew I would see Jowan again.

And I should have killed him the moment I'd seen him, but I wanted him to suffer for his crimes. Frightened about the moment when undead soldiers would open his cell door and tear him from limb to limb. Never knowing when his breath would be his last.

He tried to evoke the word friendship in my face again, and it took all the power in my Maker-given body to not spit the word right back in his face. He asks about Lily, but I give him no answer, for he deserves none. Jowan may play the "I'm trying to do right" game, but he chooses to poison the Arl in the name of Loghain, and for what, so that the Circle will allow him to be free? He should have known he would be abandoned, just as he abandoned those who cared about him.

But as far as I'm concerned, Jowan will suffer and will continue to suffer as long as Connor is still possessed.

And don't try to tell me that he wasn't some force pushing Connor to accept the demon, because I sure as hell don't believe it.  

[datmagigreywarden]

Campgrounds-Tuesday the Sixth, Early Morning, 9:30 Dragon

Thankfully, Arl Eamon is still alive. However, he's possibly being kept alive by a demon tends to complicate things. 

I understand what Isolde was trying to do, noble families don't recover from having a mage child. I should know, the Amells were practically second in line to be Viscount before my mother Revka gave birth to me. Kirkwall is considerably pious in my opinion, and having a possible magi relative to the Viscount is a no-no in the eyes of their Chantry and Templars. 

But she was wrong in the way she did it. While there are many good apostates with good intentions, there are apostates that are who they are because they are malificarum. And unfortunately, she, along with Redcliffe has learned the hard way what happens when you try to keep secrets: they can get people killed.

Connor is still calm as far as we know, so I'm taking a detour with Alistair so he can meet his half-sister Goldanna in Denerim. I could use a detour right now. 

[datmagigreywarden]

About Lothering

(How this got stuck in the back of my journal, I'll never know.)

If there was ever a poster showing what would happen if we failed to stop the Blight, Lothering would be the pretty picture on it. I did as much as I could to try and help those still there, but I know it may never be enough. Their lord is gone, a casualty of Ostagar, and they know that time for them is slowly running out before the darkspawn come on to their doorstep. In some cases, they're already there.

The hopelessness and rising tension is thick in the atmosphere. Everyone frightened, turning to the Chantry for shelter and protection, perhaps only knowing that there's little to give. The rarely seen Chasind are even here, but they are turned away as scoundrels and thieves; met a poor fellow who watched his wife being dragged away by a couple of darkspawn, and the only way he could unleash his anguish was to yell and warn everyone that was around him.

I don't know what saddens me more, what happened in Ostagar, or what will happen if the Blight continues on.

[datmagigreywarden]

Campgrounds-Sunday the Fourth, Late Afternoon, 9:30 Dragon

We've returned from the Brecilian Forest with a representative from the Dalish in tow. 

Can I just say that I never want to see another werewolf again for as long as I live. That's what was happening in the forest, a group of werewolves had attacked the tribe and their Keeper, Zathrian, had asked for my help in killing the reason of the curse, Witherfang, and taking his heart. 

Only to find out after countless werewolf attacks, shade ambushes, and nearly getting killed about two or three times, the curse itself was linked back to Zathrian. Zathrian had used blood magic to bind the spirit of the forest to the great wolf Witherfang, two sides of a blighted coin. As much as I don't like to dilly-dally, We need at least a day's rest to fully recover from the ordeal.

Alistair's getting antsy about Arl Eamon and Redcliffe; I see no other choice than to go there next. I should go to sleep, my head's hurting and the flickering light from the campfire is not helping matters.

[datmagigreywarden]

Campgrounds-Saturday the Third, Evening, 9:30 Dragon

I had my first nightmare tonight, at least, Alistair said it would be my first. 

Bodahn and his son, Sandal have decided to follow us. Perhaps in Duncan's eyes it may not be the smartest move, but should this Blight get any worse, it'll be a godsend should any town's supply chains get cut off from the coming horde. That and Sandal's enchantments are quite extraordinary; no wonder the Tranquil called the boy a 'savant'.

We've decided to head into the Brecilian Forest to find the Dalish. With any luck, we'll find them just outside the forest entrance. With our luck, they'll end up right in the middle of the forest.

Is it already too late to petition the Circle to change the dress code from skirts to pants, or are we just wearing these things to make the Templars feel better about what they have to wear? And for better boots...

[datmagigreywarden]

First Impression: Sten

Instant Demeanor: Cold, Silent, Frightening

Training: Warrior

Weapon: Two-Handed Weapon

Comments:

Emotionally cold and frequently recites the Qun (which can either be quite fascinating or irritating if you've woken up in the middle of the night after consuming a whole bottle of whiskey; I can thank Bodahn and myself for that). Fact that he killed a family in cold blood is unnerving in so many ways. 

Overall:

Let him play with Pongo and deal with the others, answer questions when he asks and leave him be.

(Note: Bodahn says that Sten likes to look at some of the paintings he carries.)

~R. Amell

[datmagigreywarden]

First Conversation: Sten

Sten: You wish something more of me?

Me: I have the key to open your cage.

Sten: I confess, I did not think the priestess would part with it.

Me: She agreed to release you into my custody.

Sten: So be it.

Sten: Set me free, and I will follow you against the Blight.

Me: Very well, I'll let you out.

Sten: And so it is done.

Sten: I will follow you into battle. In doing so I shall find my atonement.

Me: Thank you, Sten. Glad to have you with us.

Sten: May we proceed? I am eager to be elsewhere.

[datmagigreywarden]

First Impression: Leliana

Instant Demeanor: Peacemaker, skilled fighter, perhaps crazy

Training: Rogue/Bard

Weapons: Bow and Arrow

Comments:

Not what someone expects from a Chantry lay sister. She seems...off, comparative to the other sisters I've seen. May also be crazy or highly religious and has a funny way of showing it.

Overall:

The Maker left us long ago, or so believed. Whether or not anyone truly believes that the Maker spoke to Leliana, is wholly up to them. But she's friendly, that's at least something tangible I could deal with.

~R. Amell

[datmagigreywarden]

First Conversation: Leliana

Leliana: I apologize for interfering, but I couldn't just sit by and not help.

Me: I appreciate what you tried to do.

Leliana: I'm glad you found it in your heart to offer those men mercy.

Leliana: Let me introduce myself. I am Leliana, one of the lay sisters in the chantry here in Lothering. Or I was.

Me: I am Raphael. A pleasure.

Leliana: Those men said you're a Grey Warden. You will be battling the darkspawn, yes? That is what Grey Wardens do?

Leliana: I know after what happened, you'll need all the help you can get. That's why I'm coming along.

Me: I will need help, that's true.

Leliana: That and the Maker wants me to go with you.

Me: Can you...elaborate?

Leliana: I-I know that sounds...absolutely insane--but it's true! I had a dream...a vision!

Alistair: More crazy? I thought we were all full up.

Leliana: Look at the people here. They are lost in their despair, and this darkness, this chaos...will spread. The Maker does not want this.

Leliana: What you do, what you are meant to do, is the Maker's work. Let me help!

Me: Very well. I will not turn away help when it is offered.

Leliana: Thank you! I appreciate being given this chance. I will not let you down.

[datmagigreywarden]

First Impression: Pongo

Instant Demeanor: Friendly, brave, penchant for trouble

Training: Mabari Warhound

Weapons: Large body/powerful jaw

Comments:

Loyal and slobbers. A lot. Loves a good scratching behind the ears. Intelligent but has a terrible habit of leaving dead animals in people's satchels, particularly in Morrigan's...and mine. Fantastic digger.

Overall:

He's a very good puppy, who could use a bath, even more so than Alistair.

~R. Amell

[datmagigreywarden]

First Conversation: Pongo

Pongo: (He wags his tail happily and pants.)

Me: I think this is the mabari I helped cure back at Ostagar.

Alistair: I think he was out there looking for you. He's...chosen you. Mabari are like that. They call it imprinting.

Morrigan: Does this mean we're going to have this mangy beast following us about now? Wonderful.

Alistair: He's not mangy!

Me: I've always wanted a dog like this. Maybe it's meant to be.

Pongo: (Happy bark!)

[datmagigreywarden]

Now I'm curious as to who wrote this?

Raphael found this mabari in the camp at Ostagar. His master was killed in the Wilds, and Pongo fell ill from biting the darkspawn in battle. Pongo seems to have chosen Raphael as his new master now, seeking Raphael out after the battle at Ostagar and warning of an impending darkspawn attack.

(I still have no clue who wrote this, but it was just lying on the ground in camp.)

[datmagigreywarden]

The mabari is clever enough to speak, and wise enough to know not to.

Fereldan Proverb

[datmagigreywarden]

I wonder where that Mabari I saved ran...oh, wait! There he is! :D

[datmagigreywarden]

First Impressions: Morrigan

Instant Demeanor: Confident, See others as below her most of the time.

Training: Mage/Shapeshifter

Weapons: Staff

Comments:

Stand-offish, separates herself from everyone. Often uses biting commentary and incendiary remarks, particularly towards Alistair. Something seems sad about her, I don't know.

Overall:

So long as she is sated with what's going on and left at peace, I have no qualms with her.

~R. Amell

[datmagigreywarden]

After Ostagar-Morrigan

Morrigan: Ah, your eyes finally open, Mother shall be pleased.

Me: I remember you: the girl from the Wilds.

Morrigan: I am Morrigan, lest you have forgotten. And we are in the Wilds, where I am bandaging you wounds.

Me: (Thinking) I said I remember you...

Morrigan: You are welcome, by the way.

Morrigan: How does your memory fare? Do you remember Mother's rescue?

Me: I remember being overwhelmed by darkspawn...

Morrigan: Mother managed to save you and your friend, though 'twas a close call. What is important is that you both live.

Morrigan: The man who was to respond to your signal quit the field. The darkspawn won your battle.

Morrigan: Those he abandoned were massacred. Your friend...he is not taking it well.

Me: My friend? You mean Alistair?

Morrigan: The suspicious, dim-witted one who was with you before, yes.

Morrigan: He is outside by the fire. Mother asked to see you when you awoke.

Me: Thank you for helping me, Morrigan.

Morrigan: I...you are welcome, though Mother did most of the work. I am no healer.

Me: I will go, then.

Morrigan: I will stay and make something to eat.