i came to costa rica and found a work exchange in a hotel on the pacific coast. i had a great first couple of weeks, going on road trips and out to parties with my italian roommate, though tension was building due to the fact that her tinder dates tended to like me more and that i was running out of money and could not keep up with her spending, but we looked past that. i was having a bad day at work when a cute guy in swim shorts with a tattoo of the sun on his thigh came to the bar and started talking to me. he seemed to be friendly with the staff, including the bosses. he asked me some questions about my life, and then to dinner, and i said sure. after he left the bar, i asked a colleague his name, since they all seemed to know him, and she said ‘he asked you to dinner?? that’s e******, the owner’. he got me off of my shift early and i waited for him in the bar when one of the bosses, a heavily tattooed tico that wears hawaiian shirts and owns a gun, walked past me and whispered that he was waiting for me in the car. over time i came to learn that this was his sidekick, or henchman of sorts. i got to his car and he drove us through the tropical unlit roads of guanacaste and i was taken aback by his mysterious charm and attractive music taste as he drove effortlessly with one hand on the wheel, impressive and a turn on to me as someone who doesn’t drive. i expected to be slumming my trip to costa rica, but had to laugh to myself as i watched him order us 25 dollar cocktails all night. i wish i remembered our first kiss. we then drove to the party town where we got cocaine and continued drinking. if anything, his wealth made him more intimidating and less comfortable for me to be around, but as we spoke more, his interest in philosophy, film, his complex and elusive attitude.. it drew me in. i could tell he was a little bit of an asshole, but that’s something i like in men. i spent the night with him, and little did i know it would be every night for the next month. meanwhile my italian roommate, desperate to find love but without success, began to get frustrated with my abilities to get male attention while she was only receiving rejections, and was distressed that i was out spending a lot of time with him while she was in our room, alone, and was upset that i was living experiences that she wished she could document on her instagram stories. she was trying to become an influencer but not having much luck. anyway, my first week with him was electric, until my roommate told me that, like clockwork, he has a girlfriend back home. i had to laugh, this happened to me in athens the month before, and two other separate times over the past year. it didn’t hurt to hear this - his overly affectionate nature and knowledge of the female ovulation cycle were two big indicators for me, having had a lot of experience with guys like this, that he was taken, so i did assume so already. because i regretted stopping seeing the man in athens, as well as the fact that i really liked this guy, i decided to continue seeing him while working at his hotel. i had no idea that over the next month, i would truly fall in love with him, and that by our last week we would be so enamoured by each other that every free moment would be by each other’s sides and we would be crying upon our separation. the complications poison things - remembering that he has a girlfriend and so an intrinsic part of him is unethical and has the ability to hurt me, and that he lives in mexico and i in europe. on top of that, my roommate would begin talking badly about me to our colleagues, trying to regain control over her jealousy of me, and people in the hotel started to treat me badly, while he would give me privileges that separated me from the other workers. during a busy weekend where the hotel was full, he took me away on a three day trip, meaning i had two extra days off that week than i should have. this made the italian even angrier and she started talking shit about me to the other staff, causing my anxiety and paranoia to skyrocket. regardless,








