Happy Father’s Day 2018
Today, I am here to wish all the good fathers out there, a Happy Father’s Day.
Good fathers are those that genuinely wrestle with, and are ever present in their child’s life. In one way or another. And, takes on the challenge to be genuinely kind, strong, loving (in a good way), and generous. And yet, lead by example, learning, knowing, and practicing personal skills, facing the truth, and understanding and setting limits and boundaries. This most likely would be different had I taken more time to consider and write this particular paragraph.
And, I do claim that I would have been a good father, had I had children. Something I always wanted to be. But, took a very responsible path by facing my own past and taking on the challenge of personal recovery, before I became a father. I would not be a father before knowing what was going on with me, and make the necessary changes in my life so I would genuinely feel prepared to be a father. Another way to put it, I wasn’t going to be a father for my own selfish indulgences. Without knowing the language at the time, I had to know my child would be receiving the good overflow from my life with my child’s mother. If that makes sense. I had to know the child wasn’t going to exist to fill my need, or it’s mother’s. We had to be there for the child!
Simply put, I broke the line of alcoholic domestic abusers! But, I more than broke the line. I am a leader in our community, sharing and advocating for others to make changes, to prevent needless suffering.
Having said that, what I’m here to do is not say that I’m happy on fathers day. But, to honor and respect the men that came before me, and are the reason for my existence. The truth is, I have very mixed feelings about my fathers, going back generations. All based on what I know, from many perspectives. Far too commonly present issues are the alcoholism and domestic abuse.
I will be posting this today, most likely incomplete. I realize I have a great deal to say (and show) about this topic. But, I find I need to get this online today, Father’s Day.
This photo has my grandfather, behind the bar, on the left, and my father, behind the bar near the center. My grandfather owned this bar, after he owned and operated a small restaurant. It's too bad he made the change. No doubt contributed to the drunkeness and domestic abuse. This time was after my father came home from WWII, and before going into the Navy.
I am barely one year old in this photo. Dad happens to be home, on leave, from being in the Navy. But, this photo only shows one view, or one perspective in that moment. What it doesn't show is the history of domestic abuse, by my father before I was born. What it doesn't show is that my mother is or is about to be pregnant by another man. Because by the time I am two years old, I will have a half brother my mother carries to term, and gives up for adoption right after she gives birth.
Can you imagine what kind of reaction my father had after discovering this fact. And, the fact that my mother is going to carry this child to term, while still married to my father. Can you imagine the emotional environment created by this situation, for my two sisters and myself. My oldest sister is about 12 years old. And, my other sister is 9 years old.
Life goes on, and my father is transferred (most likely by request) from the United States Navel base in the northwest corner in the lower 48 states, to the Navel base located in the most southwest corner of the lower 48 states. North Island Navel Base
In 1980, I took these photos with my Pentax K-1000 SLR camera. I was "fooling around" with my camera, finding reasons to take photos. But, these are the last photos of my father during his last 6 months alive, living in Amery, Wisconsin. This particular photo is in the rather large back yard he had.
This photo is when dad had cancer in the last days of his life, from about June to December 14th, 1980. You can see his had is covering up the hair he lost in the process.
Dad was buried at Lone Pine Cemetary, Wisconsin, in 1980.