Everyone has rolls when they bend over. Everyone. Lets just get this out of the way right off the bat. In the last few months, Iâve had over 30 women ranging from rail thin to extra large naked in my bed and I would routinely ask them to hug their knees. You wonât believe this⊠ALL OF THEM HAD TUMMY ROLLS. Not one was exempt. Even my super fabulous professional model 6 foot tall and some amazing Katie had rolls. The stomach pictures turned into some of my favorite images from the project⊠so quit thinking theyâre bad, and try accepting (dare I say embracing?) yours!
When people say âyouâre gorgeousâ, believe them. I tend not to, and itâs a cryinâ shame. When people genuinely compliment you, itâs because they really see it. Try to not dismiss their perspective as wrong and assume that you know better. They see all of you. We see our flaws. Believe them.
âArm flab is embarrassing.â No its not, go fuck yourself. No, not you. The people who tell us that, silly.
Youâre not stunning despite your body. Youâre stunning because of your body. There is a distinct difference. I grew up in a culture that would deem âunattractiveâ women as âspecial spiritsâ. A degrading categorization that implied that the only thing worthwhile was whatever was inside. Well, yeah. We are all much much more than our bodies, but our bodies are a beautiful part of us too. Beauty comes from the inside AND the outside.  I am of the firm belief that every person is beautiful, and so this leaves the inside to be the part that is the most telling when it comes to true âbeautyâ.
A guy can pick you up off your feet, and it wonât break his back.  âWait, whaaaaaa Jes? Youâre full of shit.â Nope. This just happened to me for the first time in⊠six years? Iâm considerably heavier than I was 6 years ago (like⊠70 pounds heavier) and so when I ran up to my friend Eric for a hug and he picked me up with my heels in the air⊠it left me breathless. I had forgotten that it was possible; I had accepted a life void of being lifted. So exhilarating. Eric didnât suffer any injuries and walked away unscathed.
You donât need to exercise every day in order to feel better about yourself. Many believe that someone whoâs fat needs to exercise as much as possible in order to prove that theyâre committed to becoming âless fatâ. As if accepting oneâs body as is would be a sin, and thatâs just silly. Yes, exercising has wonderful physical and mental benefits, but you donât owe it to anyone else to make an effort to change your body unless you wanna. You do not have to alter yourself to be okay. Period.
Youâre allowed to fall in love with yourself. I promise. This will be the scariest thing you will ever do, and thatâs okay. It will also be the most amazing (albeit super gradual) experience you will ever have. It doesnât make you narcissistic. It doesnât make you vain. It is liberating in every form of the word.
Itâs also okay to have days where you donât love yourself. Read this. No really. Read it. And then realize that weâve grown up learning and internalizing that we are not okay our entire life. For me, thatâs 26 years of self-hate indoctrination and brainwashing. Itâs going to take a lot longer than you think to reverse this thinking, and itâs definitely not going to happen overnight. Allow yourself to have âweakâ days. Cry, mourn, sob, yell, throw things. Whichever. Then get up, brush yourself off, give the media the finger, and move forward because youâre a warrior.
Everyoneâs boobs are uneven. If you have a lot of boobs, they might be way uneven. Donât stress. This is totally normal.
There are people who prefer large ladies. And I mean all sizes of large. I thought that my best bet in life was to find a partner who accepted my fat. Pause. Give me a minute to hang my head and shake it at myself. Not only are there people who adore âthickâ women, but a LOT of them who prefer it. This eventually ends up in an interesting territory which Marianne talks about here, but the point that Iâm trying to make goes back to the âdespite vs because ofâ argument. Here is what you need to know: you do NOT need to settle for a lover who is âokayâ with your body. You have the right (and millions of opportunities) to find someone who is infatuated with your body. You deserve to be worshiped, woman!
Fat chicks bang hot guys⊠ALL. THE. TIME.I know that hot is relative and all inclusive depending on who you chat with, but for these purposes, lets talk about the âuniversally attractiveâ kind of hot. Yâknow, the kind fat chicks donât deserve? We want to pretend that we donât know what Iâm talking about, but lets be real; we totally do. The fact that âfat chicks bang âhotâ guysâ was one of the most powerful realizations Iâve had thus far. In line with the above paragraph, I knew that there would be someone that would find me attractive but the pool would be small (because of my body) and potentially full of guys I didnât personally find sexy. So I would have to settle for anyone that would take me. After all, how could a conventionally gorgeous man (tall and with tattoos of course) like fat chicks?  Weh-he-hell, let me tell you somethinâ: through various sites, events, parties, and corner store meetings, I found myself with over a hundred men who were champing at the bit to get with this. I was the one who had to sift through and pick the hottest of the hot. Ladies, over a hundred. âGirlsâ showed what society thinks about that when Hannahâs character has a weekend romance with an attractive and wealthy doctor. People flipped their shit. âPatrick Wilson is so hot he would never do Lena Dunhamâ was the most eye catching. Wilsonâs wife responded to that rubbish here, but the tweet speaks volumes about what the majority of people think unconventional women deserve. Jesus christ, itâs annoying. I wonât spill the details of my bedroom coming and goings, but lets just say this: the hottest guys in Tucson and I get along just fine. I would recommend reading Emilyâs article on xoJane for a better explanation of what Iâm struggling to say. Know this: the myth that âatypicalâ bodies canât be paired with âtypically attractiveâ bodies is false. Women need to know that all bodies can be paired with all bodies.
Riding during sex will NOT collapse his insides. Just trust me on this one, what you fear is totally false. Hereâs a great article that changed my life.
Wearing whatever you want is a political statement. Join the revolution. Throw style rules out the window. Wear the tutu. Wear the horizontal stripes. Wear the turquoise skinny jeans. Wear the see-through blouse. Wear the bikini. Wear the sweat pants. Wear the shirt that says âDoes this shirt make me look fat?â. Wear whatever it is that makes you happy. This is your life.
You are fucking beautiful. Iâm saying this with a straight face and seriously meaningful look where I maintain eye contact for an uncomfortable amount of time. I know you donât feel like you fit into the category of gorgeous that our world creates. I know that its hard. I know that its a daily battle. But fuck their fascist beauty standards. The second you stop looking for a skinny model in your mirror and start looking at YOU⊠is the second you will start to appreciate what you are. Stop looking for flaws. Stop looking for differences. You are perfect. You are more than enough. You are the best thing that has ever happened to you. And you are fucking beautiful.
Say it with me.
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