So, I was looking through my old prompts and I havenât done this in 2 years, so I thought Iâd do an update! Some of you have requested smut prompts as well, so here you are~ I would say that this post is 18+, but I know that there will be people younger than that reading this, therefore there is no age limit, but this is adult content.
This is an explicit post.
As usual, this is a smut-based prompt list, SO PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION. This is not for the faint of heart and it might be trash because Iâm not someone who usually writes smut~
Warnings: detailed descriptions of depression, crying and loneliness, reader is sad in a new city, hurt comfort (my guilty pleasure), angst, fluff, Sungjin is the sweetest, he takes care of her, soft sex, looooooove, no roles really although he's in control, just sweet, slow lovemaking, fingering (f. receiving), unprotected sex (don't be stupid)
A/N: This is one of my favorite things I've ever written. A tiny bit drawn from my experiences, because interning was... something. I'm glad about the knowledge I gained, but yup. Never again. I'm happy with my job (probably the only context I'd say that in).
Now playing: When You Love Someone by DAY6
You couldn't lie: adulthood was hard on you. Your jobs sent you and your boyfriend, Sungjin, to different cities, and you promised yourself you'd give long-distance a shot, because you knew Sungjin was worth it. And it was only a year; you'd make it through, you always did. The only problem was you found it a lot easier to shrink into your old habits and cycles when he wasn't around to keep a check on you.
None of your past college years were particularly eventful, but the last one seemed to pierce through your heart and exhaust you like no other. You weren't one for a large group of friends; you liked your solitude. Although, of course, Sungjin dispelled a lot of the loneliness you felt when he came into your life second year. But here, in a new city, the constant reminders of your outsider-ness in the form of already-formed friend groups, outings excluding you, and countless social media posts â they were too much to take, even though you'd experienced them before, just a year or two prior.
You longed for the familiarity of your hometown, the walls of your old house, all those times when you didn't cry yourself to sleep almost daily. Halfway through your 20s, you couldn't help but wonder â is this all your life was going to be spent doing? Longing? You always spiralled back into these thoughts, and you felt guilty expressing them to Sungjin, because he was killing it in Seoul. His boss adored him, everyone respected him, and he was the top performing intern. Jealousy was the absolute last thing you felt â you were so, so proud of him. But you didn't want to dampen his achievements with your moping, even though you knew he'd understand. The distance made it far too easy to bottle things up again, a habit he'd taught you to break.
You knew he'd be upset if he knew you were doing it again. But you couldn't help it, or that's what you told yourself.
One Friday evening, when you were getting ready to leave work, you saw your colleagues approach the door as a group, talking and laughing. Sigh. Were they going drinking again? You wanted to avoid the humiliation of a pity-invite, so you pretended to tweak something on your laptop for a few more minutes. Friday night outings. You'd gone for the first, and it was fun. However, the dull ache of your depression stopped you from going for the next few, and soon, they stopped inviting you. If you'd pulled yourself up then, would you have more people to call friends now?
It's okay. Just a few more months, then you can leave this place. Yet another thing you had to keep telling yourself.
As you leaned against the taxi window on the way to your apartment, you were contemplating your life again. This was your reality â it wasn't some fever dream that would wear off and you'd find yourself back in your hometown. Just the fact made you want to cry again; quiet public breakdowns were commonplace for you here. You held your tears well while paying the driver, even while walking to the entrance to your flat. But as soon as you got in, the floodgates broke. You collapsed to the floor, exhausted in every possible sense of the word, tears flowing freely. You were loud in your frustration, but you didn't care. All those nights you spent sniffling under the covers, they weren't enough â you wanted to sob, you wanted to bawl the way you did as a little girl when you had a fight on the playground, or something silly like that.
You wanted so badly to have someone to call, someone who could come, someone who could hug you and tell you you were being silly. The thought of Sungjin made you cry even more, about how sad he would be to see you so broken again. You thought back to the first night you spent in this apartment; he'd come to see you off before leaving to his own. He helped you set up everything, and you remember the tinge of sadness that came with the realisation that he wouldn't always be there to help. He couldn't, and neither could you. But you'd pushed it away in favour of better thoughts â this would open up so many opportunities for the both of you, and hopefully make your relationship stronger. The goodbye was short and sweet, and he kissed your forehead so tenderly you swore it could fuel your motivation for the whole internship.
Who knew you'd be doing so miserably without him? You stared at the promise ring you both shared, tears blurring your vision. He was probably looking at his own, too, wondering how you're doing...
This was the issue with living alone â no one could stop you from moving from thought to worse thought, spiralling down a tunnel of 'what-if's and making yourself feel worse. Back when you had roommates, you'd kept the spiralling to a minimum, mostly out of fear of judgement. But here, it was just you and your thoughts.
Squatting on the floor was starting to hurt, so you shifted to a more effective crying stance â fetal position on the hard marble. You felt the tears stain your cheeks, mascara no doubt painting your face black, running down your hair and dripping onto the floor. You couldn't remember the last time you'd felt short of breath while crying; it was always silent, concealed and hidden. It felt good, in a twisted way, to finally let it all go. It was pathetic, so, so pathetic, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. You absentmindedly contemplated having a loud crying session every Friday, because it seemed so therapeutic.
In all the crying-your-eyes-out commotion, you didn't hear the lock to your apartment click as the key was turned. Back to the door, oblivious, you continued lamenting and weeping, the comfort you got from it too irresistible.
The day Sungjin came and left, you'd surprised him with a key to your apartment. You knew he couldn't come often â the job was demanding, so was yours â but you wanted to convey the sentiment. He'd smiled and hugged you, promising that he'd see you as soon as he could. Only, you hadn't anticipated it to be a random Friday night, and the night you chose to cry so hard your ears started ringing. Not ideal.
Sungjin hadn't anticipated it either. But the sudden announcement of a three-day weekend after a particularly hard audit left no doubt in his mind: he had to see you. He couldn't stifle the boyish excitement as he stood at the gate of your apartment, imagining the surprise on your face when you'd see him walk in. As he climbed the stairs to your flat, he wondered if you'd changed anything about yourself or the flat since he'd last video-called you. What if your makeup style changed? He knew you'd look pretty as ever in anything.
The soft smile that'd gradually creeped on his face as he thought of you faded as soon as he turned the key to your door. Lights dimmed, your bag astray, and you lying on the floor, shaking. He'd seen you cry before, sure, thousands of times, but he'd never seen you so... helpless. Desperate. His heart twisted at the way you sobbed; he wondered what could've happened in the short while since you last called him. You were always fine on the phone...
Paralysed by his shock, he realised you still hadn't heard him enter. He wordlessly closed the door before setting his bag down by it, and walked the few steps over to where you laid â she didn't even make it to her room, he thought sadly.
The shadow over you immediately made you alert, and you cursed yourself for not double-locking your door like you always did. The breakdown can wait, you need to be safe first! The moment you turned around, Sungjin had kneeled at the same time, and was reaching out to touch you. It took you a second to process that you weren't seeing things, your boyfriend was actually right there. And he saw, in real life, what you'd been suppressing telling him. How on earth would you explain yourself without hurting him?
"S-Sungjin?" You said, almost cautiously, knowing how ridiculous you looked right now.
He took you in his arms immediately, his hand resting on the back of your head as he held you to his warm body. "Y/N..." He needed a moment to formulate his words, before he could even begin to ask you what was wrong. His embrace was so comforting in spite of the guilt you felt. You allowed yourself to sink into him, resting your hands on his chest.
"I'm sorry," you sniffled before he could say anything, and your trembling voice made Sungjin's heart ache. You knew what you were apologising for â hiding everything, but also because of what you let yourself become. You knew he'd be disappointed even if he didn't show it. Sungjin, on the other hand, was even more perplexed â why were you apologising? He was about to do it, say sorry for not being there for you, for not paying enough attention. But you beat him to it?
"Shh, don't apologise, what are you even apologising for, silly..." he whispered as he stroked your disheveled hair, and the gesture made you cry more.
You didn't know how long you sat there, your face buried in his chest, wetting his shirt with tears; it could've been minutes or hours. Only once your cries died down a little did Sungjin finally say something, his voice softer than you'd ever heard it before. "Why don't I get the shower ready for you? Let me take care of you, love? Then we'll talk?"
You nodded a 'mm' into his chest, but made no effort to move; you only held onto him tighter. Part of you was still anxious to face him; sitting like this was the easier way out.
Sensing that you weren't going to detach from him anytime soon, he held onto you as he stood up, and adjusted your hands on his shoulders so he could carry you. Now you hid your face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent that you missed so much.
Sungjin walked to the bathroom, carrying you effortlessly as he turned on the lights. He placed you on the counter and stood opposite you, and you reluctantly removed your arms from him. You mustered the courage to look at least at his chin, since you hadn't made eye contact since he walked in on you. He wordlessly grabbed the makeup wipes on your shelf and pulled a few out. He noticed your avoidant expression, but chose not to comment on it as he held your chin and cleaned the makeup off your face. You didn't want to break the silence â partly because you wanted to avoid that conversation, but also, it was a comforting silence. Not an awkward one.
His gentle hands then disposed of the wipes, and he focused on your hair. With all the writhing on the floor and all, you didn't realise how tangled it was until he was unknotting it with his hands, so carefully that you could barely sense it. Once it was detangled, Sungjin just ran his hands through your hair; your eyes fluttered shut with the relaxing feeling.
The absence of his hands made you open your eyes again, and you met his gaze. "Let's get you in the shower. C'mon." He led you off the counter, and started to unbutton your blouse. You lifted your arms and moved when needed, falling back into that comfortable silence. He kneeled as he undid your belt and took off your pants; in spite of your time apart, it wasn't embarrassing or awkward.
Your boyfriend delicately turned you around to unclasp your bra, and you complied. After he took off the last garment you wore, he swiftly removed his own clothes. He gave you a chaste kiss on your forehead before leading you to the shower area, and damn, you so needed this. Being taken care of, even for something as 'easy' as a shower. This was all you needed, honestly. How did he know?
You'd underestimated the intimacy of a shower together. Sure, you'd goofed around with him before, making shapes out of your shampooed hair and playing around with the water. But this was the first time you'd so desperately needed him to take care of you. It added to the seriousness of everything, your breakdown that you were yet to address, the confusion he must've felt. But you were eternally grateful that he was allowing you to receive his care without explaining yourself first.
Sungjin stood facing you as he turned the shower on, letting the warm water fall on both of you. "A bubble bath would've been more relaxing, but I can work with this," he says, lighthearted, and you crack the smallest smile. It was as though he sensed how anxious you still were. He was so tuned into you; his actions always conveyed that.
A faint smile remained on his face as he began to massage your neck and arms, the running water making it easier for his hands to glide across you. He gently turned you around again, shifting closer so he could press your shoulders properly. Your eyes closed in bliss again, both the water and his warmth enveloping you. You turned when he switched off the tap, but he shook his head. "Mm. Turn. I can't touch you properly this way."
Even in this state, your cheeks burned at the innuendo, but you said nothing as you turned back around. Sex was the farthest thing on your mind â okay, not the farthest, your gorgeous boyfriend was naked in front of you after all. But it was pretty low down on the list. You were too focused on the feeling of his comforting hands and soft voice to think about all that.
When his hands were back on your body, you had to stop yourself from making a sound at how good it felt. If the first massage was good, this one with soap to lather on was heaven. Sungjin knew your body, every crevice, every sweet spot, and every ache you had as a result of your poor posture at work. And he healed everything, with just his touch. When he got to your legs, he kneeled down in front of you, and placed your hand on his shoulder for balance. You watched as he diligently massaged your legs, making sure to scrub the particularly insistent marks from the day's tussle.
You felt overwhelmed by his sincerity. Your brain was screaming at you, lift him up. You don't deserve all this, not after you lied and kept so much from him. As much as you knew this, you selfishly couldn't get yourself to stop him. Instead, you absentmindedly played with his hair, partly dry since he let you get wet first. It was the first touch you'd initiated all night, and Sungjin noticed. After he was done with your legs, he rinsed his hands before taking out the shampoo. You enjoyed the silence again, quietly watching him as he faced you now, massaging your scalp. Before you could hesitate, you placed your hands on his hips, nearly on his back but not quite. You weren't sure if you could handle him being that close and not do anything stupid.
He ran his hands through your hair like before, and the sensation brought the same drowsiness from before. Sungjin was probably the best masseur in the world; you couldn't even feel time pass when he worked his magic. At some point, he'd finished with your scalp, and you'd fallen back into his chest. Only his gentle grip on your chin as he pulled away brought you back to reality, still slightly dazed from how good his hands felt. "I'll wash you now, okay?"
Eyes half closed, you nodded, and he turned the water back on. This time, he faced you throughout, looking at you as he carefully washed away all the soapiness from your skin. Then, he finished up with your hair, and let the water give you a final rinse. When he turned the knob off, you stopped him before he could leave to get towels.
You wrapped your arms around his torso, holding him close as you spoke what you were dying to say. "Thank you so, so, much, Sungjin, you don't even know what that meant to me..."
He was taken aback by your sudden confession, but returned your embrace nonetheless. His hand assumed its standard position on your hair, although it was too damp to stroke. He kissed the crown of your head. "Of course, my love. You can tell me after I dry you off."
He left and walked in with two towels and he wore one low on his waist, wiping you off before tying the towel around your head and body. Somehow, the sight of his v-line peeking out and his faint happy trail was more erotic than seeing him completely naked. You were crazy, you knew.
Sungjin sat you down at your dresser, turning on the hairdryer. He wasn't the most efficient at drying hair, his movements clumsy. But he got it done, then added the serum you always use to the tips of your hair. He then walked over to your closet. "What do you wanna wear? Long sleeve? A nightdress? Shorts?" You turned around as you answered coyly, "Can I wear one of your shirts?"
That soft smile you loved so much was back on his face, and he said an 'of course' before going to get his bag. He'd only brought three pairs of house-clothes, but of course he didn't mind sharing with you. He realised you didn't have any of his clothes here since this was the first time he visited.
He took out an old black tee for himself to wear, and a dark grey one for you. You put it on and put on your usual cotton underwear, settling on the bed to watch Sungjin change. The muscles on his back flexed as he wore the shirt, and you had to distract yourself from thinking about how big his clothes looked on you.
Once he was done, he sat beside you on the bed, body leaning against the headboard. "You look beautiful in my clothes." You smiled before you shifted closer to him, still a bit nervous about the impending conversation.
"Come here."
Sungjin snuggled you against his chest, your body almost on top of him as he stroked your now-silky hair. "Talk whenever you feel like. I'm here." You knew he wouldn't let you hide anything, but he was giving you time. In spite of everything.
Sungjin saw his old self in you. In fact, he found the two of you very similar back in college. But instead of drowning in toxic cycles together, you'd helped each other break them, and Sungjin was positive he couldn't have done it without you. Seeing you now, he understood that lifelong habits were difficult to get rid of, and he didn't judge you for falling back into them. He'd been close to doing it too, many times, but he always mustered the strength to stop himself. The thought of you not being able to do the same made his heart shatter.
You gladly took the concession he gave you, opting to listen to his heartbeat for a few minutes before you started. You took a deep breath to calm yourself down, reminding yourself that this was Sungjin you were talking to â you trusted him more than anyone, and he'd understand anything. Now that he was here, in front of you, it was a lot easier not to hide anything.
"It's a long story," you started off, earning a chuckle from Sungjin. "And I don't want you to blame yourself for anything because it's all on me, okay?
"I trust you. More than anything, and I know you'll listen to me rant and cry and complain, 'cause I've done it so many times." You felt your voice getting shaky again, but you trudged on. "But I think not seeing you in person made me want to show you my best self, show that I was doing as well as you were. But God, Sungjin, I was so miserable...
"I was always more of an introvert, but it got so much worse at this place. You know, I had friends at uni, but you were always my go-to, even before we dated. And I didn't mind you having other and more friends, because that was your personality. I always admired that about you."
Sungjin's hand moved to your cheek at that, thumb lightly caressing your face. He was silent, waiting for you to spill everything out.
"But I think â if I'm totally honest â knowing that you were happy and enjoying Seoul in spite of it being so new and different... it made me wonder why I couldn't be like that. And I think I kinda accepted that I couldn't ever be like that. That should've put me at peace, but I started hating myself for it, for never trying to make my life better or make the best of whatever I have. And it felt unfair to both of us to complain to you about it, because it would seem like jealousy. Which it never was."
Your hand moved to the side of his neck as you went on, "I'm always proud of you, especially now, because you're killing it. And as much as we're always there for each other, I didn't want to burden you with my moping because you deserve to enjoy this success.
"I planned to tell you whenever we met, because I just couldn't bring myself to do it over a call. I didn't expect you to walk in when I had the worst breakdown I've had in months. I don't know what pushed the line, but I was just so... sad today. I missed my old life. I missed you, so much. And you see how unfair it is, right? To call you and beg you to come, even though I'm sure you missed me too." You spoke every word that came into your brain, months of journal entries pouring out to the person you trusted most. "It's not that I didn't feel safe telling you. But I think you get what I mean.
"I guess I didn't realise how dependent I was on you to keep my bad habits in check. And I sound like such a kid right now, I know. I think I graduated high school only in papers. I don't think I can get myself to cry to you over the phone, even after this. And I'm already scared about what'll happen to me once you leave. If I'm being honest."
You had to take a short break to compose yourself; the tears started to flow without you even realising. You readjusted yourself so that you were closer to Sungjin's neck, and your body was almost fully on top of his. Sungjin had other plans, though, because in the middle of your moving, he shifted your positions to face each other, chests still flush. It was better for him this way, he could see you; it was worse for you this way, he could see you.
Your boyfriend wiped your tears for what seemed like the hundredth time tonight, and you had a bitter flashback to all the times you'd woken up with salty skin from all the crying you'd done. It took you only minutes to get used to Sungjin's care again, and you knew you had it bad.
"And the worst part is," you sniffled with a sad smile with his hand still on your cheek, "people tried to make it better for me. Even my boss noticed how lonely I was. But I always rejected their offers to nights out and Friday parties, they probably thought I hated them or something..."
"You didn't want to give them any expectations to live up to." He provided, and you looked up at him. He always knew what you were thinking; you didn't even need to say beyond a few sentences for him to understand your mind completely. "Exactly," you sighed as you looked at his broad chest, resting your hand there.
"I'm sorry for not telling you," you added after a momentary silence, meeting his eyes again. "I understand, darling," Sungjin spoke softly and sweetly, "I would never be mad at you for that. But this should be the last time. I'm never too busy to talk to you, no matter how serious it is."
You started to tear up again at that, and you cursed yourself internally. It was embarrassing that you craved his affection this much. You knew he wouldn't hate you for it, but it still seemed so... desperate.
"Hey. Hey," he spoke earnestly, "you don't ever need to look your best or hide from me. It's not embarrassing. I love you, every part of you. Don't ever forget that, Y/N."
The conviction in his voice gave you the warmth you'd been missing these past few months. You knew Sungjin was dead serious; he hated when you hid yourself from him. It was one of the first things the both of you had to work on in your relationship.
"II love you too, Sungjin. So much, so much," you whimpered against his chest, and he held you in his arms. "I won't hide again. I promise. I-I'll call you when it gets too much. But I don't want you to prioritise me over work, alright? I want you to do well, too."
"When have I ever failed at multitasking, honey?" He replied instantly, and you could hear the smile in his voice. You let out a little chuckle at that, trying to calm your shaking voice. "I'm serious! You're not the only one who cares. I want you to know that. You're the most important person in my life. I want you to be happy."
Sungjin sighed, the rise and fall of his chest against your cheek. "I'm really as happy as I've ever been. Because of the job, because of Seoul, but most importantly because I have you. You think I'd have had the courage to go all the way to Seoul without you supporting me? You're my motivation, you know."
"Oh, God, Sungjin, I just stopped crying," you sobbed through your fresh tears, and Sungjin let out a loud laugh, probably the first of the evening. "It's true! Don't you believe me? Huh? That you're my one and only?" He craned his neck to look at you, and you just hid your face in his chest. "Stop," you giggled, but he continued. "That you're the love of my life?" A kiss behind your ear. "My girl?" A kiss to your temple. "My lovely, smart, gorgeous woman?" One on your cheek. You had the stupidest smile on your face through it all, and he was unrelenting. "Look at me, my beautiful girl."
You moved your head away from his inviting chest to meet his eyes, and he wiped your tears, again, with a fond smile. "I couldn't have done it without you. And I am so proud of you." Sungjin's lips met yours before you could respond, and your eyes closed of their own accord when you felt his soft, slow kiss.
Just being with Sungjin felt like home. But his kiss was like the warmth of the kitchen enveloping you; a sweet scent wafting through the air, the faint hum of a melody, and the familiar smile of your boyfriend. Strangely, ever since your first kiss, that was all you could think of whenever he kissed you, and it was a comforting image. One you had missed dearly for the past months.
There was no urgency in the kiss, in spite of your time apart. It was gentle. There wasn't any urgency in the way you tugged at his shirt, either â it was a faint pull, barely there, and Sungjin could've mistaken it for an accidental touch, but of course he didn't. He pulled away to look into your eyes for any leftover hurt; he wanted to know what you were doing this out of. Pain, or longing?
"Are you sure, baby?" You opened your eyes and nodded, a soft 'yes' leaving your lips, followed by, "I missed you."
"God, I missed you more," he replied roughly as he sat up to take off his black shirt, and you watched as his glorious chest came into view again.
"Sungjin, you're so handsome," you said in a dazed voice, a couple octaves higher than a few minutes ago. Your boyfriend was bashful, as you saw him awkwardly rub his neck in embarrassment. You loved complimenting him solely because of his reactions; it was like he transformed back into that sweet, shy stranger you'd met in your second year. You sat up to look at him closely, your hands running down his chest. You kissed him lightly on his lips before moving to his jaw and collarbone.
Before you could go lower, though, Sungjin stopped you with his hands around your wrists. "I love this, I love you, but I want to take care of you, sweetheart," he said, that fond smile back on his face. With a light blush around his neck that you pretended not to notice.
"Okay," you smiled happily, circling your arms around his neck again. He lowered you onto your back again, resting on his forearms as he looked at you with so much adoration you thought your heart was going to burst. He kissed you once more, gentle as ever, and you felt yourself get needier by the minute. You sighed contentedly as he moved his hands to lightly massage your breasts, your back arching in pleasure. The fabric restriction frustrated you, so you moved your hands to lift up your (his) shirt. But Sungjin stopped you, "No. Keep it on."
"Sungjin," you whined, and he could tell you were getting impatient, so he adjusted himself to touch you where you needed him most. "Sorry, baby, just missed you..."
He held back a groan looking at your dampened underwear, loving the effect he had on you. He took his sweet time taking it off, savouring your reactions and seeing your pussy after so long.
"Fuck... Gorgeous," he rasped, and your hands flew to grasp his hair before he even touched you. His fingers ghosted around your clit, barely there, causing you to buck your hips out of need. He used one arm to hold your torso down while he continued his featherlight touches, your little whimpers egging him on.
Before you cried out of frustration â he knows you're almost there â he finally indulged you, inserting his finger into your wet, needy core. It slipped in so easily that he wasted no time adding another, breaking eye contact only to watch his finger disappearing inside you. Sungjin didn't want to wait any longer; his hard-on was starting to be painful in his shorts. So as you neared your orgasm â pretty quickly, his brain added â he took out his fingers, making quick work of his shorts. Your eyes, screwed shut, opened questioningly, wondering what his intentions were. Was he punishing you? The thought did excite you, you'd admit, but you were too tired to enjoy it completely. You were just about to voice your concerns when he pushed his cock inside you, the stretch making you whine as you looked up at him.
"F-Fuck, Sungjin, ah..." you moaned as you gripped the sheets that you had definitely made a mess of. He leaned forward again, capturing your lips in a kiss as he finally started moving. Your hands rushed to hold onto him, his neck, his shoulders, anything, as he filled you up deliciously.
"Missed this. Missed you," he repeated as he broke away for breath, forehead touching yours. His large hands roamed over your body as he continued thrusting, making no rush since he knew this was how you liked it. "G-Gonna cum," you whispered. Maybe it was the time apart, maybe the way he took care of you, but you knew you wouldn't last long either way. "Me too, baby," he grunted, never breaking eye contact. As you felt the knot unravel, teary-eyed, you said, "I love yâ"
Before you could finish, he was taking you in for another kiss, swallowing up your moans as he finished inside you. You held onto his shoulders tightly as he slowed his pace before stilling completely, giving you time to recover.
"I love you most." He said earnestly as he pulled out, giving you a final kiss before moving to get up. You didn't want to let go of him; you wanted to enjoy this moment more before you inevitably fell asleep and it became a memory. But Sungjin was unrelenting â you knew he wouldn't allow himself to leave you like this. So you sighed as you freed his shoulders, and he smiled at you before going to the bathroom to get a towel.
You heard the water run as he was probably cleaning himself up, and you stared at your ring again, unbelieving that all this had happened. Your boyfriend emerged with towels and a fresh pair of underwear as he sat down near your legs to clean you up. You were still fiddling with your ring as the room fell once again into that comfortable silence as he took care of you. There was a sort of dreaminess in your expression as he lifted your hips to put on your underwear, and as he replaced the blanket you'd laid for a fresh one. Without even realising, you'd began to cry, just thinking about all Sungjin had done for you.
You didn't even want to think about how this night would have usually passed, crying and waking up exhausted, like on so many other occasions. You were overwhelmed with gratitude, and as soon as he noticed your tears he was by your side again.
Your thumb was still touching your ring as he held your face, turning you towards him. "You don't have to thank me," he said before you could even open your mouth. "And one day," he continued as he held your right hand in his, covering your thumb with his own, "I'll ask you to marry me, so you know I'll be there for you forever."
You squeezed his hand as you cuddled into him like before, feeling the sleepiness overcome you despite your immense happiness. "I love you so much, Sungjin."
His hand rested on your head once again, the soothing strokes lulling you to sleep in his arms.
Warnings: detailed descriptions of depression, crying and loneliness, reader is sad in a new city, hurt comfort (my guilty pleasure), angst, fluff, Sungjin is the sweetest, he takes care of her, soft sex, looooooove, no roles really although he's in control, just sweet, slow lovemaking, fingering (f. receiving), unprotected sex (don't be stupid)
A/N: This is one of my favorite things I've ever written. A tiny bit drawn from my experiences, because interning was... something. I'm glad about the knowledge I gained, but yup. Never again. I'm happy with my job (probably the only context I'd say that in).
Now playing: When You Love Someone by DAY6
You couldn't lie: adulthood was hard on you. Your jobs sent you and your boyfriend, Sungjin, to different cities, and you promised yourself you'd give long-distance a shot, because you knew Sungjin was worth it. And it was only a year; you'd make it through, you always did. The only problem was you found it a lot easier to shrink into your old habits and cycles when he wasn't around to keep a check on you.
None of your past college years were particularly eventful, but the last one seemed to pierce through your heart and exhaust you like no other. You weren't one for a large group of friends; you liked your solitude. Although, of course, Sungjin dispelled a lot of the loneliness you felt when he came into your life second year. But here, in a new city, the constant reminders of your outsider-ness in the form of already-formed friend groups, outings excluding you, and countless social media posts â they were too much to take, even though you'd experienced them before, just a year or two prior.
You longed for the familiarity of your hometown, the walls of your old house, all those times when you didn't cry yourself to sleep almost daily. Halfway through your 20s, you couldn't help but wonder â is this all your life was going to be spent doing? Longing? You always spiralled back into these thoughts, and you felt guilty expressing them to Sungjin, because he was killing it in Seoul. His boss adored him, everyone respected him, and he was the top performing intern. Jealousy was the absolute last thing you felt â you were so, so proud of him. But you didn't want to dampen his achievements with your moping, even though you knew he'd understand. The distance made it far too easy to bottle things up again, a habit he'd taught you to break.
You knew he'd be upset if he knew you were doing it again. But you couldn't help it, or that's what you told yourself.
One Friday evening, when you were getting ready to leave work, you saw your colleagues approach the door as a group, talking and laughing. Sigh. Were they going drinking again? You wanted to avoid the humiliation of a pity-invite, so you pretended to tweak something on your laptop for a few more minutes. Friday night outings. You'd gone for the first, and it was fun. However, the dull ache of your depression stopped you from going for the next few, and soon, they stopped inviting you. If you'd pulled yourself up then, would you have more people to call friends now?
It's okay. Just a few more months, then you can leave this place. Yet another thing you had to keep telling yourself.
As you leaned against the taxi window on the way to your apartment, you were contemplating your life again. This was your reality â it wasn't some fever dream that would wear off and you'd find yourself back in your hometown. Just the fact made you want to cry again; quiet public breakdowns were commonplace for you here. You held your tears well while paying the driver, even while walking to the entrance to your flat. But as soon as you got in, the floodgates broke. You collapsed to the floor, exhausted in every possible sense of the word, tears flowing freely. You were loud in your frustration, but you didn't care. All those nights you spent sniffling under the covers, they weren't enough â you wanted to sob, you wanted to bawl the way you did as a little girl when you had a fight on the playground, or something silly like that.
You wanted so badly to have someone to call, someone who could come, someone who could hug you and tell you you were being silly. The thought of Sungjin made you cry even more, about how sad he would be to see you so broken again. You thought back to the first night you spent in this apartment; he'd come to see you off before leaving to his own. He helped you set up everything, and you remember the tinge of sadness that came with the realisation that he wouldn't always be there to help. He couldn't, and neither could you. But you'd pushed it away in favour of better thoughts â this would open up so many opportunities for the both of you, and hopefully make your relationship stronger. The goodbye was short and sweet, and he kissed your forehead so tenderly you swore it could fuel your motivation for the whole internship.
Who knew you'd be doing so miserably without him? You stared at the promise ring you both shared, tears blurring your vision. He was probably looking at his own, too, wondering how you're doing...
This was the issue with living alone â no one could stop you from moving from thought to worse thought, spiralling down a tunnel of 'what-if's and making yourself feel worse. Back when you had roommates, you'd kept the spiralling to a minimum, mostly out of fear of judgement. But here, it was just you and your thoughts.
Squatting on the floor was starting to hurt, so you shifted to a more effective crying stance â fetal position on the hard marble. You felt the tears stain your cheeks, mascara no doubt painting your face black, running down your hair and dripping onto the floor. You couldn't remember the last time you'd felt short of breath while crying; it was always silent, concealed and hidden. It felt good, in a twisted way, to finally let it all go. It was pathetic, so, so pathetic, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. You absentmindedly contemplated having a loud crying session every Friday, because it seemed so therapeutic.
In all the crying-your-eyes-out commotion, you didn't hear the lock to your apartment click as the key was turned. Back to the door, oblivious, you continued lamenting and weeping, the comfort you got from it too irresistible.
The day Sungjin came and left, you'd surprised him with a key to your apartment. You knew he couldn't come often â the job was demanding, so was yours â but you wanted to convey the sentiment. He'd smiled and hugged you, promising that he'd see you as soon as he could. Only, you hadn't anticipated it to be a random Friday night, and the night you chose to cry so hard your ears started ringing. Not ideal.
Sungjin hadn't anticipated it either. But the sudden announcement of a three-day weekend after a particularly hard audit left no doubt in his mind: he had to see you. He couldn't stifle the boyish excitement as he stood at the gate of your apartment, imagining the surprise on your face when you'd see him walk in. As he climbed the stairs to your flat, he wondered if you'd changed anything about yourself or the flat since he'd last video-called you. What if your makeup style changed? He knew you'd look pretty as ever in anything.
The soft smile that'd gradually creeped on his face as he thought of you faded as soon as he turned the key to your door. Lights dimmed, your bag astray, and you lying on the floor, shaking. He'd seen you cry before, sure, thousands of times, but he'd never seen you so... helpless. Desperate. His heart twisted at the way you sobbed; he wondered what could've happened in the short while since you last called him. You were always fine on the phone...
Paralysed by his shock, he realised you still hadn't heard him enter. He wordlessly closed the door before setting his bag down by it, and walked the few steps over to where you laid â she didn't even make it to her room, he thought sadly.
The shadow over you immediately made you alert, and you cursed yourself for not double-locking your door like you always did. The breakdown can wait, you need to be safe first! The moment you turned around, Sungjin had kneeled at the same time, and was reaching out to touch you. It took you a second to process that you weren't seeing things, your boyfriend was actually right there. And he saw, in real life, what you'd been suppressing telling him. How on earth would you explain yourself without hurting him?
"S-Sungjin?" You said, almost cautiously, knowing how ridiculous you looked right now.
He took you in his arms immediately, his hand resting on the back of your head as he held you to his warm body. "Y/N..." He needed a moment to formulate his words, before he could even begin to ask you what was wrong. His embrace was so comforting in spite of the guilt you felt. You allowed yourself to sink into him, resting your hands on his chest.
"I'm sorry," you sniffled before he could say anything, and your trembling voice made Sungjin's heart ache. You knew what you were apologising for â hiding everything, but also because of what you let yourself become. You knew he'd be disappointed even if he didn't show it. Sungjin, on the other hand, was even more perplexed â why were you apologising? He was about to do it, say sorry for not being there for you, for not paying enough attention. But you beat him to it?
"Shh, don't apologise, what are you even apologising for, silly..." he whispered as he stroked your disheveled hair, and the gesture made you cry more.
You didn't know how long you sat there, your face buried in his chest, wetting his shirt with tears; it could've been minutes or hours. Only once your cries died down a little did Sungjin finally say something, his voice softer than you'd ever heard it before. "Why don't I get the shower ready for you? Let me take care of you, love? Then we'll talk?"
You nodded a 'mm' into his chest, but made no effort to move; you only held onto him tighter. Part of you was still anxious to face him; sitting like this was the easier way out.
Sensing that you weren't going to detach from him anytime soon, he held onto you as he stood up, and adjusted your hands on his shoulders so he could carry you. Now you hid your face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent that you missed so much.
Sungjin walked to the bathroom, carrying you effortlessly as he turned on the lights. He placed you on the counter and stood opposite you, and you reluctantly removed your arms from him. You mustered the courage to look at least at his chin, since you hadn't made eye contact since he walked in on you. He wordlessly grabbed the makeup wipes on your shelf and pulled a few out. He noticed your avoidant expression, but chose not to comment on it as he held your chin and cleaned the makeup off your face. You didn't want to break the silence â partly because you wanted to avoid that conversation, but also, it was a comforting silence. Not an awkward one.
His gentle hands then disposed of the wipes, and he focused on your hair. With all the writhing on the floor and all, you didn't realise how tangled it was until he was unknotting it with his hands, so carefully that you could barely sense it. Once it was detangled, Sungjin just ran his hands through your hair; your eyes fluttered shut with the relaxing feeling.
The absence of his hands made you open your eyes again, and you met his gaze. "Let's get you in the shower. C'mon." He led you off the counter, and started to unbutton your blouse. You lifted your arms and moved when needed, falling back into that comfortable silence. He kneeled as he undid your belt and took off your pants; in spite of your time apart, it wasn't embarrassing or awkward.
Your boyfriend delicately turned you around to unclasp your bra, and you complied. After he took off the last garment you wore, he swiftly removed his own clothes. He gave you a chaste kiss on your forehead before leading you to the shower area, and damn, you so needed this. Being taken care of, even for something as 'easy' as a shower. This was all you needed, honestly. How did he know?
You'd underestimated the intimacy of a shower together. Sure, you'd goofed around with him before, making shapes out of your shampooed hair and playing around with the water. But this was the first time you'd so desperately needed him to take care of you. It added to the seriousness of everything, your breakdown that you were yet to address, the confusion he must've felt. But you were eternally grateful that he was allowing you to receive his care without explaining yourself first.
Sungjin stood facing you as he turned the shower on, letting the warm water fall on both of you. "A bubble bath would've been more relaxing, but I can work with this," he says, lighthearted, and you crack the smallest smile. It was as though he sensed how anxious you still were. He was so tuned into you; his actions always conveyed that.
A faint smile remained on his face as he began to massage your neck and arms, the running water making it easier for his hands to glide across you. He gently turned you around again, shifting closer so he could press your shoulders properly. Your eyes closed in bliss again, both the water and his warmth enveloping you. You turned when he switched off the tap, but he shook his head. "Mm. Turn. I can't touch you properly this way."
Even in this state, your cheeks burned at the innuendo, but you said nothing as you turned back around. Sex was the farthest thing on your mind â okay, not the farthest, your gorgeous boyfriend was naked in front of you after all. But it was pretty low down on the list. You were too focused on the feeling of his comforting hands and soft voice to think about all that.
When his hands were back on your body, you had to stop yourself from making a sound at how good it felt. If the first massage was good, this one with soap to lather on was heaven. Sungjin knew your body, every crevice, every sweet spot, and every ache you had as a result of your poor posture at work. And he healed everything, with just his touch. When he got to your legs, he kneeled down in front of you, and placed your hand on his shoulder for balance. You watched as he diligently massaged your legs, making sure to scrub the particularly insistent marks from the day's tussle.
You felt overwhelmed by his sincerity. Your brain was screaming at you, lift him up. You don't deserve all this, not after you lied and kept so much from him. As much as you knew this, you selfishly couldn't get yourself to stop him. Instead, you absentmindedly played with his hair, partly dry since he let you get wet first. It was the first touch you'd initiated all night, and Sungjin noticed. After he was done with your legs, he rinsed his hands before taking out the shampoo. You enjoyed the silence again, quietly watching him as he faced you now, massaging your scalp. Before you could hesitate, you placed your hands on his hips, nearly on his back but not quite. You weren't sure if you could handle him being that close and not do anything stupid.
He ran his hands through your hair like before, and the sensation brought the same drowsiness from before. Sungjin was probably the best masseur in the world; you couldn't even feel time pass when he worked his magic. At some point, he'd finished with your scalp, and you'd fallen back into his chest. Only his gentle grip on your chin as he pulled away brought you back to reality, still slightly dazed from how good his hands felt. "I'll wash you now, okay?"
Eyes half closed, you nodded, and he turned the water back on. This time, he faced you throughout, looking at you as he carefully washed away all the soapiness from your skin. Then, he finished up with your hair, and let the water give you a final rinse. When he turned the knob off, you stopped him before he could leave to get towels.
You wrapped your arms around his torso, holding him close as you spoke what you were dying to say. "Thank you so, so, much, Sungjin, you don't even know what that meant to me..."
He was taken aback by your sudden confession, but returned your embrace nonetheless. His hand assumed its standard position on your hair, although it was too damp to stroke. He kissed the crown of your head. "Of course, my love. You can tell me after I dry you off."
He left and walked in with two towels and he wore one low on his waist, wiping you off before tying the towel around your head and body. Somehow, the sight of his v-line peeking out and his faint happy trail was more erotic than seeing him completely naked. You were crazy, you knew.
Sungjin sat you down at your dresser, turning on the hairdryer. He wasn't the most efficient at drying hair, his movements clumsy. But he got it done, then added the serum you always use to the tips of your hair. He then walked over to your closet. "What do you wanna wear? Long sleeve? A nightdress? Shorts?" You turned around as you answered coyly, "Can I wear one of your shirts?"
That soft smile you loved so much was back on his face, and he said an 'of course' before going to get his bag. He'd only brought three pairs of house-clothes, but of course he didn't mind sharing with you. He realised you didn't have any of his clothes here since this was the first time he visited.
He took out an old black tee for himself to wear, and a dark grey one for you. You put it on and put on your usual cotton underwear, settling on the bed to watch Sungjin change. The muscles on his back flexed as he wore the shirt, and you had to distract yourself from thinking about how big his clothes looked on you.
Once he was done, he sat beside you on the bed, body leaning against the headboard. "You look beautiful in my clothes." You smiled before you shifted closer to him, still a bit nervous about the impending conversation.
"Come here."
Sungjin snuggled you against his chest, your body almost on top of him as he stroked your now-silky hair. "Talk whenever you feel like. I'm here." You knew he wouldn't let you hide anything, but he was giving you time. In spite of everything.
Sungjin saw his old self in you. In fact, he found the two of you very similar back in college. But instead of drowning in toxic cycles together, you'd helped each other break them, and Sungjin was positive he couldn't have done it without you. Seeing you now, he understood that lifelong habits were difficult to get rid of, and he didn't judge you for falling back into them. He'd been close to doing it too, many times, but he always mustered the strength to stop himself. The thought of you not being able to do the same made his heart shatter.
You gladly took the concession he gave you, opting to listen to his heartbeat for a few minutes before you started. You took a deep breath to calm yourself down, reminding yourself that this was Sungjin you were talking to â you trusted him more than anyone, and he'd understand anything. Now that he was here, in front of you, it was a lot easier not to hide anything.
"It's a long story," you started off, earning a chuckle from Sungjin. "And I don't want you to blame yourself for anything because it's all on me, okay?
"I trust you. More than anything, and I know you'll listen to me rant and cry and complain, 'cause I've done it so many times." You felt your voice getting shaky again, but you trudged on. "But I think not seeing you in person made me want to show you my best self, show that I was doing as well as you were. But God, Sungjin, I was so miserable...
"I was always more of an introvert, but it got so much worse at this place. You know, I had friends at uni, but you were always my go-to, even before we dated. And I didn't mind you having other and more friends, because that was your personality. I always admired that about you."
Sungjin's hand moved to your cheek at that, thumb lightly caressing your face. He was silent, waiting for you to spill everything out.
"But I think â if I'm totally honest â knowing that you were happy and enjoying Seoul in spite of it being so new and different... it made me wonder why I couldn't be like that. And I think I kinda accepted that I couldn't ever be like that. That should've put me at peace, but I started hating myself for it, for never trying to make my life better or make the best of whatever I have. And it felt unfair to both of us to complain to you about it, because it would seem like jealousy. Which it never was."
Your hand moved to the side of his neck as you went on, "I'm always proud of you, especially now, because you're killing it. And as much as we're always there for each other, I didn't want to burden you with my moping because you deserve to enjoy this success.
"I planned to tell you whenever we met, because I just couldn't bring myself to do it over a call. I didn't expect you to walk in when I had the worst breakdown I've had in months. I don't know what pushed the line, but I was just so... sad today. I missed my old life. I missed you, so much. And you see how unfair it is, right? To call you and beg you to come, even though I'm sure you missed me too." You spoke every word that came into your brain, months of journal entries pouring out to the person you trusted most. "It's not that I didn't feel safe telling you. But I think you get what I mean.
"I guess I didn't realise how dependent I was on you to keep my bad habits in check. And I sound like such a kid right now, I know. I think I graduated high school only in papers. I don't think I can get myself to cry to you over the phone, even after this. And I'm already scared about what'll happen to me once you leave. If I'm being honest."
You had to take a short break to compose yourself; the tears started to flow without you even realising. You readjusted yourself so that you were closer to Sungjin's neck, and your body was almost fully on top of his. Sungjin had other plans, though, because in the middle of your moving, he shifted your positions to face each other, chests still flush. It was better for him this way, he could see you; it was worse for you this way, he could see you.
Your boyfriend wiped your tears for what seemed like the hundredth time tonight, and you had a bitter flashback to all the times you'd woken up with salty skin from all the crying you'd done. It took you only minutes to get used to Sungjin's care again, and you knew you had it bad.
"And the worst part is," you sniffled with a sad smile with his hand still on your cheek, "people tried to make it better for me. Even my boss noticed how lonely I was. But I always rejected their offers to nights out and Friday parties, they probably thought I hated them or something..."
"You didn't want to give them any expectations to live up to." He provided, and you looked up at him. He always knew what you were thinking; you didn't even need to say beyond a few sentences for him to understand your mind completely. "Exactly," you sighed as you looked at his broad chest, resting your hand there.
"I'm sorry for not telling you," you added after a momentary silence, meeting his eyes again. "I understand, darling," Sungjin spoke softly and sweetly, "I would never be mad at you for that. But this should be the last time. I'm never too busy to talk to you, no matter how serious it is."
You started to tear up again at that, and you cursed yourself internally. It was embarrassing that you craved his affection this much. You knew he wouldn't hate you for it, but it still seemed so... desperate.
"Hey. Hey," he spoke earnestly, "you don't ever need to look your best or hide from me. It's not embarrassing. I love you, every part of you. Don't ever forget that, Y/N."
The conviction in his voice gave you the warmth you'd been missing these past few months. You knew Sungjin was dead serious; he hated when you hid yourself from him. It was one of the first things the both of you had to work on in your relationship.
"II love you too, Sungjin. So much, so much," you whimpered against his chest, and he held you in his arms. "I won't hide again. I promise. I-I'll call you when it gets too much. But I don't want you to prioritise me over work, alright? I want you to do well, too."
"When have I ever failed at multitasking, honey?" He replied instantly, and you could hear the smile in his voice. You let out a little chuckle at that, trying to calm your shaking voice. "I'm serious! You're not the only one who cares. I want you to know that. You're the most important person in my life. I want you to be happy."
Sungjin sighed, the rise and fall of his chest against your cheek. "I'm really as happy as I've ever been. Because of the job, because of Seoul, but most importantly because I have you. You think I'd have had the courage to go all the way to Seoul without you supporting me? You're my motivation, you know."
"Oh, God, Sungjin, I just stopped crying," you sobbed through your fresh tears, and Sungjin let out a loud laugh, probably the first of the evening. "It's true! Don't you believe me? Huh? That you're my one and only?" He craned his neck to look at you, and you just hid your face in his chest. "Stop," you giggled, but he continued. "That you're the love of my life?" A kiss behind your ear. "My girl?" A kiss to your temple. "My lovely, smart, gorgeous woman?" One on your cheek. You had the stupidest smile on your face through it all, and he was unrelenting. "Look at me, my beautiful girl."
You moved your head away from his inviting chest to meet his eyes, and he wiped your tears, again, with a fond smile. "I couldn't have done it without you. And I am so proud of you." Sungjin's lips met yours before you could respond, and your eyes closed of their own accord when you felt his soft, slow kiss.
Just being with Sungjin felt like home. But his kiss was like the warmth of the kitchen enveloping you; a sweet scent wafting through the air, the faint hum of a melody, and the familiar smile of your boyfriend. Strangely, ever since your first kiss, that was all you could think of whenever he kissed you, and it was a comforting image. One you had missed dearly for the past months.
There was no urgency in the kiss, in spite of your time apart. It was gentle. There wasn't any urgency in the way you tugged at his shirt, either â it was a faint pull, barely there, and Sungjin could've mistaken it for an accidental touch, but of course he didn't. He pulled away to look into your eyes for any leftover hurt; he wanted to know what you were doing this out of. Pain, or longing?
"Are you sure, baby?" You opened your eyes and nodded, a soft 'yes' leaving your lips, followed by, "I missed you."
"God, I missed you more," he replied roughly as he sat up to take off his black shirt, and you watched as his glorious chest came into view again.
"Sungjin, you're so handsome," you said in a dazed voice, a couple octaves higher than a few minutes ago. Your boyfriend was bashful, as you saw him awkwardly rub his neck in embarrassment. You loved complimenting him solely because of his reactions; it was like he transformed back into that sweet, shy stranger you'd met in your second year. You sat up to look at him closely, your hands running down his chest. You kissed him lightly on his lips before moving to his jaw and collarbone.
Before you could go lower, though, Sungjin stopped you with his hands around your wrists. "I love this, I love you, but I want to take care of you, sweetheart," he said, that fond smile back on his face. With a light blush around his neck that you pretended not to notice.
"Okay," you smiled happily, circling your arms around his neck again. He lowered you onto your back again, resting on his forearms as he looked at you with so much adoration you thought your heart was going to burst. He kissed you once more, gentle as ever, and you felt yourself get needier by the minute. You sighed contentedly as he moved his hands to lightly massage your breasts, your back arching in pleasure. The fabric restriction frustrated you, so you moved your hands to lift up your (his) shirt. But Sungjin stopped you, "No. Keep it on."
"Sungjin," you whined, and he could tell you were getting impatient, so he adjusted himself to touch you where you needed him most. "Sorry, baby, just missed you..."
He held back a groan looking at your dampened underwear, loving the effect he had on you. He took his sweet time taking it off, savouring your reactions and seeing your pussy after so long.
"Fuck... Gorgeous," he rasped, and your hands flew to grasp his hair before he even touched you. His fingers ghosted around your clit, barely there, causing you to buck your hips out of need. He used one arm to hold your torso down while he continued his featherlight touches, your little whimpers egging him on.
Before you cried out of frustration â he knows you're almost there â he finally indulged you, inserting his finger into your wet, needy core. It slipped in so easily that he wasted no time adding another, breaking eye contact only to watch his finger disappearing inside you. Sungjin didn't want to wait any longer; his hard-on was starting to be painful in his shorts. So as you neared your orgasm â pretty quickly, his brain added â he took out his fingers, making quick work of his shorts. Your eyes, screwed shut, opened questioningly, wondering what his intentions were. Was he punishing you? The thought did excite you, you'd admit, but you were too tired to enjoy it completely. You were just about to voice your concerns when he pushed his cock inside you, the stretch making you whine as you looked up at him.
"F-Fuck, Sungjin, ah..." you moaned as you gripped the sheets that you had definitely made a mess of. He leaned forward again, capturing your lips in a kiss as he finally started moving. Your hands rushed to hold onto him, his neck, his shoulders, anything, as he filled you up deliciously.
"Missed this. Missed you," he repeated as he broke away for breath, forehead touching yours. His large hands roamed over your body as he continued thrusting, making no rush since he knew this was how you liked it. "G-Gonna cum," you whispered. Maybe it was the time apart, maybe the way he took care of you, but you knew you wouldn't last long either way. "Me too, baby," he grunted, never breaking eye contact. As you felt the knot unravel, teary-eyed, you said, "I love yâ"
Before you could finish, he was taking you in for another kiss, swallowing up your moans as he finished inside you. You held onto his shoulders tightly as he slowed his pace before stilling completely, giving you time to recover.
"I love you most." He said earnestly as he pulled out, giving you a final kiss before moving to get up. You didn't want to let go of him; you wanted to enjoy this moment more before you inevitably fell asleep and it became a memory. But Sungjin was unrelenting â you knew he wouldn't allow himself to leave you like this. So you sighed as you freed his shoulders, and he smiled at you before going to the bathroom to get a towel.
You heard the water run as he was probably cleaning himself up, and you stared at your ring again, unbelieving that all this had happened. Your boyfriend emerged with towels and a fresh pair of underwear as he sat down near your legs to clean you up. You were still fiddling with your ring as the room fell once again into that comfortable silence as he took care of you. There was a sort of dreaminess in your expression as he lifted your hips to put on your underwear, and as he replaced the blanket you'd laid for a fresh one. Without even realising, you'd began to cry, just thinking about all Sungjin had done for you.
You didn't even want to think about how this night would have usually passed, crying and waking up exhausted, like on so many other occasions. You were overwhelmed with gratitude, and as soon as he noticed your tears he was by your side again.
Your thumb was still touching your ring as he held your face, turning you towards him. "You don't have to thank me," he said before you could even open your mouth. "And one day," he continued as he held your right hand in his, covering your thumb with his own, "I'll ask you to marry me, so you know I'll be there for you forever."
You squeezed his hand as you cuddled into him like before, feeling the sleepiness overcome you despite your immense happiness. "I love you so much, Sungjin."
His hand rested on your head once again, the soothing strokes lulling you to sleep in his arms.
Warnings: detailed descriptions of depression, crying and loneliness, reader is sad in a new city, hurt comfort (my guilty pleasure), angst, fluff, Sungjin is the sweetest, he takes care of her, soft sex, looooooove, no roles really although he's in control, just sweet, slow lovemaking, fingering (f. receiving), unprotected sex (don't be stupid)
A/N: This is one of my favorite things I've ever written. A tiny bit drawn from my experiences, because interning was... something. I'm glad about the knowledge I gained, but yup. Never again. I'm happy with my job (probably the only context I'd say that in).
Now playing: When You Love Someone by DAY6
You couldn't lie: adulthood was hard on you. Your jobs sent you and your boyfriend, Sungjin, to different cities, and you promised yourself you'd give long-distance a shot, because you knew Sungjin was worth it. And it was only a year; you'd make it through, you always did. The only problem was you found it a lot easier to shrink into your old habits and cycles when he wasn't around to keep a check on you.
None of your past college years were particularly eventful, but the last one seemed to pierce through your heart and exhaust you like no other. You weren't one for a large group of friends; you liked your solitude. Although, of course, Sungjin dispelled a lot of the loneliness you felt when he came into your life second year. But here, in a new city, the constant reminders of your outsider-ness in the form of already-formed friend groups, outings excluding you, and countless social media posts â they were too much to take, even though you'd experienced them before, just a year or two prior.
You longed for the familiarity of your hometown, the walls of your old house, all those times when you didn't cry yourself to sleep almost daily. Halfway through your 20s, you couldn't help but wonder â is this all your life was going to be spent doing? Longing? You always spiralled back into these thoughts, and you felt guilty expressing them to Sungjin, because he was killing it in Seoul. His boss adored him, everyone respected him, and he was the top performing intern. Jealousy was the absolute last thing you felt â you were so, so proud of him. But you didn't want to dampen his achievements with your moping, even though you knew he'd understand. The distance made it far too easy to bottle things up again, a habit he'd taught you to break.
You knew he'd be upset if he knew you were doing it again. But you couldn't help it, or that's what you told yourself.
One Friday evening, when you were getting ready to leave work, you saw your colleagues approach the door as a group, talking and laughing. Sigh. Were they going drinking again? You wanted to avoid the humiliation of a pity-invite, so you pretended to tweak something on your laptop for a few more minutes. Friday night outings. You'd gone for the first, and it was fun. However, the dull ache of your depression stopped you from going for the next few, and soon, they stopped inviting you. If you'd pulled yourself up then, would you have more people to call friends now?
It's okay. Just a few more months, then you can leave this place. Yet another thing you had to keep telling yourself.
As you leaned against the taxi window on the way to your apartment, you were contemplating your life again. This was your reality â it wasn't some fever dream that would wear off and you'd find yourself back in your hometown. Just the fact made you want to cry again; quiet public breakdowns were commonplace for you here. You held your tears well while paying the driver, even while walking to the entrance to your flat. But as soon as you got in, the floodgates broke. You collapsed to the floor, exhausted in every possible sense of the word, tears flowing freely. You were loud in your frustration, but you didn't care. All those nights you spent sniffling under the covers, they weren't enough â you wanted to sob, you wanted to bawl the way you did as a little girl when you had a fight on the playground, or something silly like that.
You wanted so badly to have someone to call, someone who could come, someone who could hug you and tell you you were being silly. The thought of Sungjin made you cry even more, about how sad he would be to see you so broken again. You thought back to the first night you spent in this apartment; he'd come to see you off before leaving to his own. He helped you set up everything, and you remember the tinge of sadness that came with the realisation that he wouldn't always be there to help. He couldn't, and neither could you. But you'd pushed it away in favour of better thoughts â this would open up so many opportunities for the both of you, and hopefully make your relationship stronger. The goodbye was short and sweet, and he kissed your forehead so tenderly you swore it could fuel your motivation for the whole internship.
Who knew you'd be doing so miserably without him? You stared at the promise ring you both shared, tears blurring your vision. He was probably looking at his own, too, wondering how you're doing...
This was the issue with living alone â no one could stop you from moving from thought to worse thought, spiralling down a tunnel of 'what-if's and making yourself feel worse. Back when you had roommates, you'd kept the spiralling to a minimum, mostly out of fear of judgement. But here, it was just you and your thoughts.
Squatting on the floor was starting to hurt, so you shifted to a more effective crying stance â fetal position on the hard marble. You felt the tears stain your cheeks, mascara no doubt painting your face black, running down your hair and dripping onto the floor. You couldn't remember the last time you'd felt short of breath while crying; it was always silent, concealed and hidden. It felt good, in a twisted way, to finally let it all go. It was pathetic, so, so pathetic, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. You absentmindedly contemplated having a loud crying session every Friday, because it seemed so therapeutic.
In all the crying-your-eyes-out commotion, you didn't hear the lock to your apartment click as the key was turned. Back to the door, oblivious, you continued lamenting and weeping, the comfort you got from it too irresistible.
The day Sungjin came and left, you'd surprised him with a key to your apartment. You knew he couldn't come often â the job was demanding, so was yours â but you wanted to convey the sentiment. He'd smiled and hugged you, promising that he'd see you as soon as he could. Only, you hadn't anticipated it to be a random Friday night, and the night you chose to cry so hard your ears started ringing. Not ideal.
Sungjin hadn't anticipated it either. But the sudden announcement of a three-day weekend after a particularly hard audit left no doubt in his mind: he had to see you. He couldn't stifle the boyish excitement as he stood at the gate of your apartment, imagining the surprise on your face when you'd see him walk in. As he climbed the stairs to your flat, he wondered if you'd changed anything about yourself or the flat since he'd last video-called you. What if your makeup style changed? He knew you'd look pretty as ever in anything.
The soft smile that'd gradually creeped on his face as he thought of you faded as soon as he turned the key to your door. Lights dimmed, your bag astray, and you lying on the floor, shaking. He'd seen you cry before, sure, thousands of times, but he'd never seen you so... helpless. Desperate. His heart twisted at the way you sobbed; he wondered what could've happened in the short while since you last called him. You were always fine on the phone...
Paralysed by his shock, he realised you still hadn't heard him enter. He wordlessly closed the door before setting his bag down by it, and walked the few steps over to where you laid â she didn't even make it to her room, he thought sadly.
The shadow over you immediately made you alert, and you cursed yourself for not double-locking your door like you always did. The breakdown can wait, you need to be safe first! The moment you turned around, Sungjin had kneeled at the same time, and was reaching out to touch you. It took you a second to process that you weren't seeing things, your boyfriend was actually right there. And he saw, in real life, what you'd been suppressing telling him. How on earth would you explain yourself without hurting him?
"S-Sungjin?" You said, almost cautiously, knowing how ridiculous you looked right now.
He took you in his arms immediately, his hand resting on the back of your head as he held you to his warm body. "Y/N..." He needed a moment to formulate his words, before he could even begin to ask you what was wrong. His embrace was so comforting in spite of the guilt you felt. You allowed yourself to sink into him, resting your hands on his chest.
"I'm sorry," you sniffled before he could say anything, and your trembling voice made Sungjin's heart ache. You knew what you were apologising for â hiding everything, but also because of what you let yourself become. You knew he'd be disappointed even if he didn't show it. Sungjin, on the other hand, was even more perplexed â why were you apologising? He was about to do it, say sorry for not being there for you, for not paying enough attention. But you beat him to it?
"Shh, don't apologise, what are you even apologising for, silly..." he whispered as he stroked your disheveled hair, and the gesture made you cry more.
You didn't know how long you sat there, your face buried in his chest, wetting his shirt with tears; it could've been minutes or hours. Only once your cries died down a little did Sungjin finally say something, his voice softer than you'd ever heard it before. "Why don't I get the shower ready for you? Let me take care of you, love? Then we'll talk?"
You nodded a 'mm' into his chest, but made no effort to move; you only held onto him tighter. Part of you was still anxious to face him; sitting like this was the easier way out.
Sensing that you weren't going to detach from him anytime soon, he held onto you as he stood up, and adjusted your hands on his shoulders so he could carry you. Now you hid your face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent that you missed so much.
Sungjin walked to the bathroom, carrying you effortlessly as he turned on the lights. He placed you on the counter and stood opposite you, and you reluctantly removed your arms from him. You mustered the courage to look at least at his chin, since you hadn't made eye contact since he walked in on you. He wordlessly grabbed the makeup wipes on your shelf and pulled a few out. He noticed your avoidant expression, but chose not to comment on it as he held your chin and cleaned the makeup off your face. You didn't want to break the silence â partly because you wanted to avoid that conversation, but also, it was a comforting silence. Not an awkward one.
His gentle hands then disposed of the wipes, and he focused on your hair. With all the writhing on the floor and all, you didn't realise how tangled it was until he was unknotting it with his hands, so carefully that you could barely sense it. Once it was detangled, Sungjin just ran his hands through your hair; your eyes fluttered shut with the relaxing feeling.
The absence of his hands made you open your eyes again, and you met his gaze. "Let's get you in the shower. C'mon." He led you off the counter, and started to unbutton your blouse. You lifted your arms and moved when needed, falling back into that comfortable silence. He kneeled as he undid your belt and took off your pants; in spite of your time apart, it wasn't embarrassing or awkward.
Your boyfriend delicately turned you around to unclasp your bra, and you complied. After he took off the last garment you wore, he swiftly removed his own clothes. He gave you a chaste kiss on your forehead before leading you to the shower area, and damn, you so needed this. Being taken care of, even for something as 'easy' as a shower. This was all you needed, honestly. How did he know?
You'd underestimated the intimacy of a shower together. Sure, you'd goofed around with him before, making shapes out of your shampooed hair and playing around with the water. But this was the first time you'd so desperately needed him to take care of you. It added to the seriousness of everything, your breakdown that you were yet to address, the confusion he must've felt. But you were eternally grateful that he was allowing you to receive his care without explaining yourself first.
Sungjin stood facing you as he turned the shower on, letting the warm water fall on both of you. "A bubble bath would've been more relaxing, but I can work with this," he says, lighthearted, and you crack the smallest smile. It was as though he sensed how anxious you still were. He was so tuned into you; his actions always conveyed that.
A faint smile remained on his face as he began to massage your neck and arms, the running water making it easier for his hands to glide across you. He gently turned you around again, shifting closer so he could press your shoulders properly. Your eyes closed in bliss again, both the water and his warmth enveloping you. You turned when he switched off the tap, but he shook his head. "Mm. Turn. I can't touch you properly this way."
Even in this state, your cheeks burned at the innuendo, but you said nothing as you turned back around. Sex was the farthest thing on your mind â okay, not the farthest, your gorgeous boyfriend was naked in front of you after all. But it was pretty low down on the list. You were too focused on the feeling of his comforting hands and soft voice to think about all that.
When his hands were back on your body, you had to stop yourself from making a sound at how good it felt. If the first massage was good, this one with soap to lather on was heaven. Sungjin knew your body, every crevice, every sweet spot, and every ache you had as a result of your poor posture at work. And he healed everything, with just his touch. When he got to your legs, he kneeled down in front of you, and placed your hand on his shoulder for balance. You watched as he diligently massaged your legs, making sure to scrub the particularly insistent marks from the day's tussle.
You felt overwhelmed by his sincerity. Your brain was screaming at you, lift him up. You don't deserve all this, not after you lied and kept so much from him. As much as you knew this, you selfishly couldn't get yourself to stop him. Instead, you absentmindedly played with his hair, partly dry since he let you get wet first. It was the first touch you'd initiated all night, and Sungjin noticed. After he was done with your legs, he rinsed his hands before taking out the shampoo. You enjoyed the silence again, quietly watching him as he faced you now, massaging your scalp. Before you could hesitate, you placed your hands on his hips, nearly on his back but not quite. You weren't sure if you could handle him being that close and not do anything stupid.
He ran his hands through your hair like before, and the sensation brought the same drowsiness from before. Sungjin was probably the best masseur in the world; you couldn't even feel time pass when he worked his magic. At some point, he'd finished with your scalp, and you'd fallen back into his chest. Only his gentle grip on your chin as he pulled away brought you back to reality, still slightly dazed from how good his hands felt. "I'll wash you now, okay?"
Eyes half closed, you nodded, and he turned the water back on. This time, he faced you throughout, looking at you as he carefully washed away all the soapiness from your skin. Then, he finished up with your hair, and let the water give you a final rinse. When he turned the knob off, you stopped him before he could leave to get towels.
You wrapped your arms around his torso, holding him close as you spoke what you were dying to say. "Thank you so, so, much, Sungjin, you don't even know what that meant to me..."
He was taken aback by your sudden confession, but returned your embrace nonetheless. His hand assumed its standard position on your hair, although it was too damp to stroke. He kissed the crown of your head. "Of course, my love. You can tell me after I dry you off."
He left and walked in with two towels and he wore one low on his waist, wiping you off before tying the towel around your head and body. Somehow, the sight of his v-line peeking out and his faint happy trail was more erotic than seeing him completely naked. You were crazy, you knew.
Sungjin sat you down at your dresser, turning on the hairdryer. He wasn't the most efficient at drying hair, his movements clumsy. But he got it done, then added the serum you always use to the tips of your hair. He then walked over to your closet. "What do you wanna wear? Long sleeve? A nightdress? Shorts?" You turned around as you answered coyly, "Can I wear one of your shirts?"
That soft smile you loved so much was back on his face, and he said an 'of course' before going to get his bag. He'd only brought three pairs of house-clothes, but of course he didn't mind sharing with you. He realised you didn't have any of his clothes here since this was the first time he visited.
He took out an old black tee for himself to wear, and a dark grey one for you. You put it on and put on your usual cotton underwear, settling on the bed to watch Sungjin change. The muscles on his back flexed as he wore the shirt, and you had to distract yourself from thinking about how big his clothes looked on you.
Once he was done, he sat beside you on the bed, body leaning against the headboard. "You look beautiful in my clothes." You smiled before you shifted closer to him, still a bit nervous about the impending conversation.
"Come here."
Sungjin snuggled you against his chest, your body almost on top of him as he stroked your now-silky hair. "Talk whenever you feel like. I'm here." You knew he wouldn't let you hide anything, but he was giving you time. In spite of everything.
Sungjin saw his old self in you. In fact, he found the two of you very similar back in college. But instead of drowning in toxic cycles together, you'd helped each other break them, and Sungjin was positive he couldn't have done it without you. Seeing you now, he understood that lifelong habits were difficult to get rid of, and he didn't judge you for falling back into them. He'd been close to doing it too, many times, but he always mustered the strength to stop himself. The thought of you not being able to do the same made his heart shatter.
You gladly took the concession he gave you, opting to listen to his heartbeat for a few minutes before you started. You took a deep breath to calm yourself down, reminding yourself that this was Sungjin you were talking to â you trusted him more than anyone, and he'd understand anything. Now that he was here, in front of you, it was a lot easier not to hide anything.
"It's a long story," you started off, earning a chuckle from Sungjin. "And I don't want you to blame yourself for anything because it's all on me, okay?
"I trust you. More than anything, and I know you'll listen to me rant and cry and complain, 'cause I've done it so many times." You felt your voice getting shaky again, but you trudged on. "But I think not seeing you in person made me want to show you my best self, show that I was doing as well as you were. But God, Sungjin, I was so miserable...
"I was always more of an introvert, but it got so much worse at this place. You know, I had friends at uni, but you were always my go-to, even before we dated. And I didn't mind you having other and more friends, because that was your personality. I always admired that about you."
Sungjin's hand moved to your cheek at that, thumb lightly caressing your face. He was silent, waiting for you to spill everything out.
"But I think â if I'm totally honest â knowing that you were happy and enjoying Seoul in spite of it being so new and different... it made me wonder why I couldn't be like that. And I think I kinda accepted that I couldn't ever be like that. That should've put me at peace, but I started hating myself for it, for never trying to make my life better or make the best of whatever I have. And it felt unfair to both of us to complain to you about it, because it would seem like jealousy. Which it never was."
Your hand moved to the side of his neck as you went on, "I'm always proud of you, especially now, because you're killing it. And as much as we're always there for each other, I didn't want to burden you with my moping because you deserve to enjoy this success.
"I planned to tell you whenever we met, because I just couldn't bring myself to do it over a call. I didn't expect you to walk in when I had the worst breakdown I've had in months. I don't know what pushed the line, but I was just so... sad today. I missed my old life. I missed you, so much. And you see how unfair it is, right? To call you and beg you to come, even though I'm sure you missed me too." You spoke every word that came into your brain, months of journal entries pouring out to the person you trusted most. "It's not that I didn't feel safe telling you. But I think you get what I mean.
"I guess I didn't realise how dependent I was on you to keep my bad habits in check. And I sound like such a kid right now, I know. I think I graduated high school only in papers. I don't think I can get myself to cry to you over the phone, even after this. And I'm already scared about what'll happen to me once you leave. If I'm being honest."
You had to take a short break to compose yourself; the tears started to flow without you even realising. You readjusted yourself so that you were closer to Sungjin's neck, and your body was almost fully on top of his. Sungjin had other plans, though, because in the middle of your moving, he shifted your positions to face each other, chests still flush. It was better for him this way, he could see you; it was worse for you this way, he could see you.
Your boyfriend wiped your tears for what seemed like the hundredth time tonight, and you had a bitter flashback to all the times you'd woken up with salty skin from all the crying you'd done. It took you only minutes to get used to Sungjin's care again, and you knew you had it bad.
"And the worst part is," you sniffled with a sad smile with his hand still on your cheek, "people tried to make it better for me. Even my boss noticed how lonely I was. But I always rejected their offers to nights out and Friday parties, they probably thought I hated them or something..."
"You didn't want to give them any expectations to live up to." He provided, and you looked up at him. He always knew what you were thinking; you didn't even need to say beyond a few sentences for him to understand your mind completely. "Exactly," you sighed as you looked at his broad chest, resting your hand there.
"I'm sorry for not telling you," you added after a momentary silence, meeting his eyes again. "I understand, darling," Sungjin spoke softly and sweetly, "I would never be mad at you for that. But this should be the last time. I'm never too busy to talk to you, no matter how serious it is."
You started to tear up again at that, and you cursed yourself internally. It was embarrassing that you craved his affection this much. You knew he wouldn't hate you for it, but it still seemed so... desperate.
"Hey. Hey," he spoke earnestly, "you don't ever need to look your best or hide from me. It's not embarrassing. I love you, every part of you. Don't ever forget that, Y/N."
The conviction in his voice gave you the warmth you'd been missing these past few months. You knew Sungjin was dead serious; he hated when you hid yourself from him. It was one of the first things the both of you had to work on in your relationship.
"II love you too, Sungjin. So much, so much," you whimpered against his chest, and he held you in his arms. "I won't hide again. I promise. I-I'll call you when it gets too much. But I don't want you to prioritise me over work, alright? I want you to do well, too."
"When have I ever failed at multitasking, honey?" He replied instantly, and you could hear the smile in his voice. You let out a little chuckle at that, trying to calm your shaking voice. "I'm serious! You're not the only one who cares. I want you to know that. You're the most important person in my life. I want you to be happy."
Sungjin sighed, the rise and fall of his chest against your cheek. "I'm really as happy as I've ever been. Because of the job, because of Seoul, but most importantly because I have you. You think I'd have had the courage to go all the way to Seoul without you supporting me? You're my motivation, you know."
"Oh, God, Sungjin, I just stopped crying," you sobbed through your fresh tears, and Sungjin let out a loud laugh, probably the first of the evening. "It's true! Don't you believe me? Huh? That you're my one and only?" He craned his neck to look at you, and you just hid your face in his chest. "Stop," you giggled, but he continued. "That you're the love of my life?" A kiss behind your ear. "My girl?" A kiss to your temple. "My lovely, smart, gorgeous woman?" One on your cheek. You had the stupidest smile on your face through it all, and he was unrelenting. "Look at me, my beautiful girl."
You moved your head away from his inviting chest to meet his eyes, and he wiped your tears, again, with a fond smile. "I couldn't have done it without you. And I am so proud of you." Sungjin's lips met yours before you could respond, and your eyes closed of their own accord when you felt his soft, slow kiss.
Just being with Sungjin felt like home. But his kiss was like the warmth of the kitchen enveloping you; a sweet scent wafting through the air, the faint hum of a melody, and the familiar smile of your boyfriend. Strangely, ever since your first kiss, that was all you could think of whenever he kissed you, and it was a comforting image. One you had missed dearly for the past months.
There was no urgency in the kiss, in spite of your time apart. It was gentle. There wasn't any urgency in the way you tugged at his shirt, either â it was a faint pull, barely there, and Sungjin could've mistaken it for an accidental touch, but of course he didn't. He pulled away to look into your eyes for any leftover hurt; he wanted to know what you were doing this out of. Pain, or longing?
"Are you sure, baby?" You opened your eyes and nodded, a soft 'yes' leaving your lips, followed by, "I missed you."
"God, I missed you more," he replied roughly as he sat up to take off his black shirt, and you watched as his glorious chest came into view again.
"Sungjin, you're so handsome," you said in a dazed voice, a couple octaves higher than a few minutes ago. Your boyfriend was bashful, as you saw him awkwardly rub his neck in embarrassment. You loved complimenting him solely because of his reactions; it was like he transformed back into that sweet, shy stranger you'd met in your second year. You sat up to look at him closely, your hands running down his chest. You kissed him lightly on his lips before moving to his jaw and collarbone.
Before you could go lower, though, Sungjin stopped you with his hands around your wrists. "I love this, I love you, but I want to take care of you, sweetheart," he said, that fond smile back on his face. With a light blush around his neck that you pretended not to notice.
"Okay," you smiled happily, circling your arms around his neck again. He lowered you onto your back again, resting on his forearms as he looked at you with so much adoration you thought your heart was going to burst. He kissed you once more, gentle as ever, and you felt yourself get needier by the minute. You sighed contentedly as he moved his hands to lightly massage your breasts, your back arching in pleasure. The fabric restriction frustrated you, so you moved your hands to lift up your (his) shirt. But Sungjin stopped you, "No. Keep it on."
"Sungjin," you whined, and he could tell you were getting impatient, so he adjusted himself to touch you where you needed him most. "Sorry, baby, just missed you..."
He held back a groan looking at your dampened underwear, loving the effect he had on you. He took his sweet time taking it off, savouring your reactions and seeing your pussy after so long.
"Fuck... Gorgeous," he rasped, and your hands flew to grasp his hair before he even touched you. His fingers ghosted around your clit, barely there, causing you to buck your hips out of need. He used one arm to hold your torso down while he continued his featherlight touches, your little whimpers egging him on.
Before you cried out of frustration â he knows you're almost there â he finally indulged you, inserting his finger into your wet, needy core. It slipped in so easily that he wasted no time adding another, breaking eye contact only to watch his finger disappearing inside you. Sungjin didn't want to wait any longer; his hard-on was starting to be painful in his shorts. So as you neared your orgasm â pretty quickly, his brain added â he took out his fingers, making quick work of his shorts. Your eyes, screwed shut, opened questioningly, wondering what his intentions were. Was he punishing you? The thought did excite you, you'd admit, but you were too tired to enjoy it completely. You were just about to voice your concerns when he pushed his cock inside you, the stretch making you whine as you looked up at him.
"F-Fuck, Sungjin, ah..." you moaned as you gripped the sheets that you had definitely made a mess of. He leaned forward again, capturing your lips in a kiss as he finally started moving. Your hands rushed to hold onto him, his neck, his shoulders, anything, as he filled you up deliciously.
"Missed this. Missed you," he repeated as he broke away for breath, forehead touching yours. His large hands roamed over your body as he continued thrusting, making no rush since he knew this was how you liked it. "G-Gonna cum," you whispered. Maybe it was the time apart, maybe the way he took care of you, but you knew you wouldn't last long either way. "Me too, baby," he grunted, never breaking eye contact. As you felt the knot unravel, teary-eyed, you said, "I love yâ"
Before you could finish, he was taking you in for another kiss, swallowing up your moans as he finished inside you. You held onto his shoulders tightly as he slowed his pace before stilling completely, giving you time to recover.
"I love you most." He said earnestly as he pulled out, giving you a final kiss before moving to get up. You didn't want to let go of him; you wanted to enjoy this moment more before you inevitably fell asleep and it became a memory. But Sungjin was unrelenting â you knew he wouldn't allow himself to leave you like this. So you sighed as you freed his shoulders, and he smiled at you before going to the bathroom to get a towel.
You heard the water run as he was probably cleaning himself up, and you stared at your ring again, unbelieving that all this had happened. Your boyfriend emerged with towels and a fresh pair of underwear as he sat down near your legs to clean you up. You were still fiddling with your ring as the room fell once again into that comfortable silence as he took care of you. There was a sort of dreaminess in your expression as he lifted your hips to put on your underwear, and as he replaced the blanket you'd laid for a fresh one. Without even realising, you'd began to cry, just thinking about all Sungjin had done for you.
You didn't even want to think about how this night would have usually passed, crying and waking up exhausted, like on so many other occasions. You were overwhelmed with gratitude, and as soon as he noticed your tears he was by your side again.
Your thumb was still touching your ring as he held your face, turning you towards him. "You don't have to thank me," he said before you could even open your mouth. "And one day," he continued as he held your right hand in his, covering your thumb with his own, "I'll ask you to marry me, so you know I'll be there for you forever."
You squeezed his hand as you cuddled into him like before, feeling the sleepiness overcome you despite your immense happiness. "I love you so much, Sungjin."
His hand rested on your head once again, the soothing strokes lulling you to sleep in his arms.
Warnings: detailed descriptions of depression, crying and loneliness, reader is sad in a new city, hurt comfort (my guilty pleasure), angst, fluff, Sungjin is the sweetest, he takes care of her, soft sex, looooooove, no roles really although he's in control, just sweet, slow lovemaking, fingering (f. receiving), unprotected sex (don't be stupid)
A/N: This is one of my favorite things I've ever written. A tiny bit drawn from my experiences, because interning was... something. I'm glad about the knowledge I gained, but yup. Never again. I'm happy with my job (probably the only context I'd say that in).
Now playing: When You Love Someone by DAY6
You couldn't lie: adulthood was hard on you. Your jobs sent you and your boyfriend, Sungjin, to different cities, and you promised yourself you'd give long-distance a shot, because you knew Sungjin was worth it. And it was only a year; you'd make it through, you always did. The only problem was you found it a lot easier to shrink into your old habits and cycles when he wasn't around to keep a check on you.
None of your past college years were particularly eventful, but the last one seemed to pierce through your heart and exhaust you like no other. You weren't one for a large group of friends; you liked your solitude. Although, of course, Sungjin dispelled a lot of the loneliness you felt when he came into your life second year. But here, in a new city, the constant reminders of your outsider-ness in the form of already-formed friend groups, outings excluding you, and countless social media posts â they were too much to take, even though you'd experienced them before, just a year or two prior.
You longed for the familiarity of your hometown, the walls of your old house, all those times when you didn't cry yourself to sleep almost daily. Halfway through your 20s, you couldn't help but wonder â is this all your life was going to be spent doing? Longing? You always spiralled back into these thoughts, and you felt guilty expressing them to Sungjin, because he was killing it in Seoul. His boss adored him, everyone respected him, and he was the top performing intern. Jealousy was the absolute last thing you felt â you were so, so proud of him. But you didn't want to dampen his achievements with your moping, even though you knew he'd understand. The distance made it far too easy to bottle things up again, a habit he'd taught you to break.
You knew he'd be upset if he knew you were doing it again. But you couldn't help it, or that's what you told yourself.
One Friday evening, when you were getting ready to leave work, you saw your colleagues approach the door as a group, talking and laughing. Sigh. Were they going drinking again? You wanted to avoid the humiliation of a pity-invite, so you pretended to tweak something on your laptop for a few more minutes. Friday night outings. You'd gone for the first, and it was fun. However, the dull ache of your depression stopped you from going for the next few, and soon, they stopped inviting you. If you'd pulled yourself up then, would you have more people to call friends now?
It's okay. Just a few more months, then you can leave this place. Yet another thing you had to keep telling yourself.
As you leaned against the taxi window on the way to your apartment, you were contemplating your life again. This was your reality â it wasn't some fever dream that would wear off and you'd find yourself back in your hometown. Just the fact made you want to cry again; quiet public breakdowns were commonplace for you here. You held your tears well while paying the driver, even while walking to the entrance to your flat. But as soon as you got in, the floodgates broke. You collapsed to the floor, exhausted in every possible sense of the word, tears flowing freely. You were loud in your frustration, but you didn't care. All those nights you spent sniffling under the covers, they weren't enough â you wanted to sob, you wanted to bawl the way you did as a little girl when you had a fight on the playground, or something silly like that.
You wanted so badly to have someone to call, someone who could come, someone who could hug you and tell you you were being silly. The thought of Sungjin made you cry even more, about how sad he would be to see you so broken again. You thought back to the first night you spent in this apartment; he'd come to see you off before leaving to his own. He helped you set up everything, and you remember the tinge of sadness that came with the realisation that he wouldn't always be there to help. He couldn't, and neither could you. But you'd pushed it away in favour of better thoughts â this would open up so many opportunities for the both of you, and hopefully make your relationship stronger. The goodbye was short and sweet, and he kissed your forehead so tenderly you swore it could fuel your motivation for the whole internship.
Who knew you'd be doing so miserably without him? You stared at the promise ring you both shared, tears blurring your vision. He was probably looking at his own, too, wondering how you're doing...
This was the issue with living alone â no one could stop you from moving from thought to worse thought, spiralling down a tunnel of 'what-if's and making yourself feel worse. Back when you had roommates, you'd kept the spiralling to a minimum, mostly out of fear of judgement. But here, it was just you and your thoughts.
Squatting on the floor was starting to hurt, so you shifted to a more effective crying stance â fetal position on the hard marble. You felt the tears stain your cheeks, mascara no doubt painting your face black, running down your hair and dripping onto the floor. You couldn't remember the last time you'd felt short of breath while crying; it was always silent, concealed and hidden. It felt good, in a twisted way, to finally let it all go. It was pathetic, so, so pathetic, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. You absentmindedly contemplated having a loud crying session every Friday, because it seemed so therapeutic.
In all the crying-your-eyes-out commotion, you didn't hear the lock to your apartment click as the key was turned. Back to the door, oblivious, you continued lamenting and weeping, the comfort you got from it too irresistible.
The day Sungjin came and left, you'd surprised him with a key to your apartment. You knew he couldn't come often â the job was demanding, so was yours â but you wanted to convey the sentiment. He'd smiled and hugged you, promising that he'd see you as soon as he could. Only, you hadn't anticipated it to be a random Friday night, and the night you chose to cry so hard your ears started ringing. Not ideal.
Sungjin hadn't anticipated it either. But the sudden announcement of a three-day weekend after a particularly hard audit left no doubt in his mind: he had to see you. He couldn't stifle the boyish excitement as he stood at the gate of your apartment, imagining the surprise on your face when you'd see him walk in. As he climbed the stairs to your flat, he wondered if you'd changed anything about yourself or the flat since he'd last video-called you. What if your makeup style changed? He knew you'd look pretty as ever in anything.
The soft smile that'd gradually creeped on his face as he thought of you faded as soon as he turned the key to your door. Lights dimmed, your bag astray, and you lying on the floor, shaking. He'd seen you cry before, sure, thousands of times, but he'd never seen you so... helpless. Desperate. His heart twisted at the way you sobbed; he wondered what could've happened in the short while since you last called him. You were always fine on the phone...
Paralysed by his shock, he realised you still hadn't heard him enter. He wordlessly closed the door before setting his bag down by it, and walked the few steps over to where you laid â she didn't even make it to her room, he thought sadly.
The shadow over you immediately made you alert, and you cursed yourself for not double-locking your door like you always did. The breakdown can wait, you need to be safe first! The moment you turned around, Sungjin had kneeled at the same time, and was reaching out to touch you. It took you a second to process that you weren't seeing things, your boyfriend was actually right there. And he saw, in real life, what you'd been suppressing telling him. How on earth would you explain yourself without hurting him?
"S-Sungjin?" You said, almost cautiously, knowing how ridiculous you looked right now.
He took you in his arms immediately, his hand resting on the back of your head as he held you to his warm body. "Y/N..." He needed a moment to formulate his words, before he could even begin to ask you what was wrong. His embrace was so comforting in spite of the guilt you felt. You allowed yourself to sink into him, resting your hands on his chest.
"I'm sorry," you sniffled before he could say anything, and your trembling voice made Sungjin's heart ache. You knew what you were apologising for â hiding everything, but also because of what you let yourself become. You knew he'd be disappointed even if he didn't show it. Sungjin, on the other hand, was even more perplexed â why were you apologising? He was about to do it, say sorry for not being there for you, for not paying enough attention. But you beat him to it?
"Shh, don't apologise, what are you even apologising for, silly..." he whispered as he stroked your disheveled hair, and the gesture made you cry more.
You didn't know how long you sat there, your face buried in his chest, wetting his shirt with tears; it could've been minutes or hours. Only once your cries died down a little did Sungjin finally say something, his voice softer than you'd ever heard it before. "Why don't I get the shower ready for you? Let me take care of you, love? Then we'll talk?"
You nodded a 'mm' into his chest, but made no effort to move; you only held onto him tighter. Part of you was still anxious to face him; sitting like this was the easier way out.
Sensing that you weren't going to detach from him anytime soon, he held onto you as he stood up, and adjusted your hands on his shoulders so he could carry you. Now you hid your face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent that you missed so much.
Sungjin walked to the bathroom, carrying you effortlessly as he turned on the lights. He placed you on the counter and stood opposite you, and you reluctantly removed your arms from him. You mustered the courage to look at least at his chin, since you hadn't made eye contact since he walked in on you. He wordlessly grabbed the makeup wipes on your shelf and pulled a few out. He noticed your avoidant expression, but chose not to comment on it as he held your chin and cleaned the makeup off your face. You didn't want to break the silence â partly because you wanted to avoid that conversation, but also, it was a comforting silence. Not an awkward one.
His gentle hands then disposed of the wipes, and he focused on your hair. With all the writhing on the floor and all, you didn't realise how tangled it was until he was unknotting it with his hands, so carefully that you could barely sense it. Once it was detangled, Sungjin just ran his hands through your hair; your eyes fluttered shut with the relaxing feeling.
The absence of his hands made you open your eyes again, and you met his gaze. "Let's get you in the shower. C'mon." He led you off the counter, and started to unbutton your blouse. You lifted your arms and moved when needed, falling back into that comfortable silence. He kneeled as he undid your belt and took off your pants; in spite of your time apart, it wasn't embarrassing or awkward.
Your boyfriend delicately turned you around to unclasp your bra, and you complied. After he took off the last garment you wore, he swiftly removed his own clothes. He gave you a chaste kiss on your forehead before leading you to the shower area, and damn, you so needed this. Being taken care of, even for something as 'easy' as a shower. This was all you needed, honestly. How did he know?
You'd underestimated the intimacy of a shower together. Sure, you'd goofed around with him before, making shapes out of your shampooed hair and playing around with the water. But this was the first time you'd so desperately needed him to take care of you. It added to the seriousness of everything, your breakdown that you were yet to address, the confusion he must've felt. But you were eternally grateful that he was allowing you to receive his care without explaining yourself first.
Sungjin stood facing you as he turned the shower on, letting the warm water fall on both of you. "A bubble bath would've been more relaxing, but I can work with this," he says, lighthearted, and you crack the smallest smile. It was as though he sensed how anxious you still were. He was so tuned into you; his actions always conveyed that.
A faint smile remained on his face as he began to massage your neck and arms, the running water making it easier for his hands to glide across you. He gently turned you around again, shifting closer so he could press your shoulders properly. Your eyes closed in bliss again, both the water and his warmth enveloping you. You turned when he switched off the tap, but he shook his head. "Mm. Turn. I can't touch you properly this way."
Even in this state, your cheeks burned at the innuendo, but you said nothing as you turned back around. Sex was the farthest thing on your mind â okay, not the farthest, your gorgeous boyfriend was naked in front of you after all. But it was pretty low down on the list. You were too focused on the feeling of his comforting hands and soft voice to think about all that.
When his hands were back on your body, you had to stop yourself from making a sound at how good it felt. If the first massage was good, this one with soap to lather on was heaven. Sungjin knew your body, every crevice, every sweet spot, and every ache you had as a result of your poor posture at work. And he healed everything, with just his touch. When he got to your legs, he kneeled down in front of you, and placed your hand on his shoulder for balance. You watched as he diligently massaged your legs, making sure to scrub the particularly insistent marks from the day's tussle.
You felt overwhelmed by his sincerity. Your brain was screaming at you, lift him up. You don't deserve all this, not after you lied and kept so much from him. As much as you knew this, you selfishly couldn't get yourself to stop him. Instead, you absentmindedly played with his hair, partly dry since he let you get wet first. It was the first touch you'd initiated all night, and Sungjin noticed. After he was done with your legs, he rinsed his hands before taking out the shampoo. You enjoyed the silence again, quietly watching him as he faced you now, massaging your scalp. Before you could hesitate, you placed your hands on his hips, nearly on his back but not quite. You weren't sure if you could handle him being that close and not do anything stupid.
He ran his hands through your hair like before, and the sensation brought the same drowsiness from before. Sungjin was probably the best masseur in the world; you couldn't even feel time pass when he worked his magic. At some point, he'd finished with your scalp, and you'd fallen back into his chest. Only his gentle grip on your chin as he pulled away brought you back to reality, still slightly dazed from how good his hands felt. "I'll wash you now, okay?"
Eyes half closed, you nodded, and he turned the water back on. This time, he faced you throughout, looking at you as he carefully washed away all the soapiness from your skin. Then, he finished up with your hair, and let the water give you a final rinse. When he turned the knob off, you stopped him before he could leave to get towels.
You wrapped your arms around his torso, holding him close as you spoke what you were dying to say. "Thank you so, so, much, Sungjin, you don't even know what that meant to me..."
He was taken aback by your sudden confession, but returned your embrace nonetheless. His hand assumed its standard position on your hair, although it was too damp to stroke. He kissed the crown of your head. "Of course, my love. You can tell me after I dry you off."
He left and walked in with two towels and he wore one low on his waist, wiping you off before tying the towel around your head and body. Somehow, the sight of his v-line peeking out and his faint happy trail was more erotic than seeing him completely naked. You were crazy, you knew.
Sungjin sat you down at your dresser, turning on the hairdryer. He wasn't the most efficient at drying hair, his movements clumsy. But he got it done, then added the serum you always use to the tips of your hair. He then walked over to your closet. "What do you wanna wear? Long sleeve? A nightdress? Shorts?" You turned around as you answered coyly, "Can I wear one of your shirts?"
That soft smile you loved so much was back on his face, and he said an 'of course' before going to get his bag. He'd only brought three pairs of house-clothes, but of course he didn't mind sharing with you. He realised you didn't have any of his clothes here since this was the first time he visited.
He took out an old black tee for himself to wear, and a dark grey one for you. You put it on and put on your usual cotton underwear, settling on the bed to watch Sungjin change. The muscles on his back flexed as he wore the shirt, and you had to distract yourself from thinking about how big his clothes looked on you.
Once he was done, he sat beside you on the bed, body leaning against the headboard. "You look beautiful in my clothes." You smiled before you shifted closer to him, still a bit nervous about the impending conversation.
"Come here."
Sungjin snuggled you against his chest, your body almost on top of him as he stroked your now-silky hair. "Talk whenever you feel like. I'm here." You knew he wouldn't let you hide anything, but he was giving you time. In spite of everything.
Sungjin saw his old self in you. In fact, he found the two of you very similar back in college. But instead of drowning in toxic cycles together, you'd helped each other break them, and Sungjin was positive he couldn't have done it without you. Seeing you now, he understood that lifelong habits were difficult to get rid of, and he didn't judge you for falling back into them. He'd been close to doing it too, many times, but he always mustered the strength to stop himself. The thought of you not being able to do the same made his heart shatter.
You gladly took the concession he gave you, opting to listen to his heartbeat for a few minutes before you started. You took a deep breath to calm yourself down, reminding yourself that this was Sungjin you were talking to â you trusted him more than anyone, and he'd understand anything. Now that he was here, in front of you, it was a lot easier not to hide anything.
"It's a long story," you started off, earning a chuckle from Sungjin. "And I don't want you to blame yourself for anything because it's all on me, okay?
"I trust you. More than anything, and I know you'll listen to me rant and cry and complain, 'cause I've done it so many times." You felt your voice getting shaky again, but you trudged on. "But I think not seeing you in person made me want to show you my best self, show that I was doing as well as you were. But God, Sungjin, I was so miserable...
"I was always more of an introvert, but it got so much worse at this place. You know, I had friends at uni, but you were always my go-to, even before we dated. And I didn't mind you having other and more friends, because that was your personality. I always admired that about you."
Sungjin's hand moved to your cheek at that, thumb lightly caressing your face. He was silent, waiting for you to spill everything out.
"But I think â if I'm totally honest â knowing that you were happy and enjoying Seoul in spite of it being so new and different... it made me wonder why I couldn't be like that. And I think I kinda accepted that I couldn't ever be like that. That should've put me at peace, but I started hating myself for it, for never trying to make my life better or make the best of whatever I have. And it felt unfair to both of us to complain to you about it, because it would seem like jealousy. Which it never was."
Your hand moved to the side of his neck as you went on, "I'm always proud of you, especially now, because you're killing it. And as much as we're always there for each other, I didn't want to burden you with my moping because you deserve to enjoy this success.
"I planned to tell you whenever we met, because I just couldn't bring myself to do it over a call. I didn't expect you to walk in when I had the worst breakdown I've had in months. I don't know what pushed the line, but I was just so... sad today. I missed my old life. I missed you, so much. And you see how unfair it is, right? To call you and beg you to come, even though I'm sure you missed me too." You spoke every word that came into your brain, months of journal entries pouring out to the person you trusted most. "It's not that I didn't feel safe telling you. But I think you get what I mean.
"I guess I didn't realise how dependent I was on you to keep my bad habits in check. And I sound like such a kid right now, I know. I think I graduated high school only in papers. I don't think I can get myself to cry to you over the phone, even after this. And I'm already scared about what'll happen to me once you leave. If I'm being honest."
You had to take a short break to compose yourself; the tears started to flow without you even realising. You readjusted yourself so that you were closer to Sungjin's neck, and your body was almost fully on top of his. Sungjin had other plans, though, because in the middle of your moving, he shifted your positions to face each other, chests still flush. It was better for him this way, he could see you; it was worse for you this way, he could see you.
Your boyfriend wiped your tears for what seemed like the hundredth time tonight, and you had a bitter flashback to all the times you'd woken up with salty skin from all the crying you'd done. It took you only minutes to get used to Sungjin's care again, and you knew you had it bad.
"And the worst part is," you sniffled with a sad smile with his hand still on your cheek, "people tried to make it better for me. Even my boss noticed how lonely I was. But I always rejected their offers to nights out and Friday parties, they probably thought I hated them or something..."
"You didn't want to give them any expectations to live up to." He provided, and you looked up at him. He always knew what you were thinking; you didn't even need to say beyond a few sentences for him to understand your mind completely. "Exactly," you sighed as you looked at his broad chest, resting your hand there.
"I'm sorry for not telling you," you added after a momentary silence, meeting his eyes again. "I understand, darling," Sungjin spoke softly and sweetly, "I would never be mad at you for that. But this should be the last time. I'm never too busy to talk to you, no matter how serious it is."
You started to tear up again at that, and you cursed yourself internally. It was embarrassing that you craved his affection this much. You knew he wouldn't hate you for it, but it still seemed so... desperate.
"Hey. Hey," he spoke earnestly, "you don't ever need to look your best or hide from me. It's not embarrassing. I love you, every part of you. Don't ever forget that, Y/N."
The conviction in his voice gave you the warmth you'd been missing these past few months. You knew Sungjin was dead serious; he hated when you hid yourself from him. It was one of the first things the both of you had to work on in your relationship.
"II love you too, Sungjin. So much, so much," you whimpered against his chest, and he held you in his arms. "I won't hide again. I promise. I-I'll call you when it gets too much. But I don't want you to prioritise me over work, alright? I want you to do well, too."
"When have I ever failed at multitasking, honey?" He replied instantly, and you could hear the smile in his voice. You let out a little chuckle at that, trying to calm your shaking voice. "I'm serious! You're not the only one who cares. I want you to know that. You're the most important person in my life. I want you to be happy."
Sungjin sighed, the rise and fall of his chest against your cheek. "I'm really as happy as I've ever been. Because of the job, because of Seoul, but most importantly because I have you. You think I'd have had the courage to go all the way to Seoul without you supporting me? You're my motivation, you know."
"Oh, God, Sungjin, I just stopped crying," you sobbed through your fresh tears, and Sungjin let out a loud laugh, probably the first of the evening. "It's true! Don't you believe me? Huh? That you're my one and only?" He craned his neck to look at you, and you just hid your face in his chest. "Stop," you giggled, but he continued. "That you're the love of my life?" A kiss behind your ear. "My girl?" A kiss to your temple. "My lovely, smart, gorgeous woman?" One on your cheek. You had the stupidest smile on your face through it all, and he was unrelenting. "Look at me, my beautiful girl."
You moved your head away from his inviting chest to meet his eyes, and he wiped your tears, again, with a fond smile. "I couldn't have done it without you. And I am so proud of you." Sungjin's lips met yours before you could respond, and your eyes closed of their own accord when you felt his soft, slow kiss.
Just being with Sungjin felt like home. But his kiss was like the warmth of the kitchen enveloping you; a sweet scent wafting through the air, the faint hum of a melody, and the familiar smile of your boyfriend. Strangely, ever since your first kiss, that was all you could think of whenever he kissed you, and it was a comforting image. One you had missed dearly for the past months.
There was no urgency in the kiss, in spite of your time apart. It was gentle. There wasn't any urgency in the way you tugged at his shirt, either â it was a faint pull, barely there, and Sungjin could've mistaken it for an accidental touch, but of course he didn't. He pulled away to look into your eyes for any leftover hurt; he wanted to know what you were doing this out of. Pain, or longing?
"Are you sure, baby?" You opened your eyes and nodded, a soft 'yes' leaving your lips, followed by, "I missed you."
"God, I missed you more," he replied roughly as he sat up to take off his black shirt, and you watched as his glorious chest came into view again.
"Sungjin, you're so handsome," you said in a dazed voice, a couple octaves higher than a few minutes ago. Your boyfriend was bashful, as you saw him awkwardly rub his neck in embarrassment. You loved complimenting him solely because of his reactions; it was like he transformed back into that sweet, shy stranger you'd met in your second year. You sat up to look at him closely, your hands running down his chest. You kissed him lightly on his lips before moving to his jaw and collarbone.
Before you could go lower, though, Sungjin stopped you with his hands around your wrists. "I love this, I love you, but I want to take care of you, sweetheart," he said, that fond smile back on his face. With a light blush around his neck that you pretended not to notice.
"Okay," you smiled happily, circling your arms around his neck again. He lowered you onto your back again, resting on his forearms as he looked at you with so much adoration you thought your heart was going to burst. He kissed you once more, gentle as ever, and you felt yourself get needier by the minute. You sighed contentedly as he moved his hands to lightly massage your breasts, your back arching in pleasure. The fabric restriction frustrated you, so you moved your hands to lift up your (his) shirt. But Sungjin stopped you, "No. Keep it on."
"Sungjin," you whined, and he could tell you were getting impatient, so he adjusted himself to touch you where you needed him most. "Sorry, baby, just missed you..."
He held back a groan looking at your dampened underwear, loving the effect he had on you. He took his sweet time taking it off, savouring your reactions and seeing your pussy after so long.
"Fuck... Gorgeous," he rasped, and your hands flew to grasp his hair before he even touched you. His fingers ghosted around your clit, barely there, causing you to buck your hips out of need. He used one arm to hold your torso down while he continued his featherlight touches, your little whimpers egging him on.
Before you cried out of frustration â he knows you're almost there â he finally indulged you, inserting his finger into your wet, needy core. It slipped in so easily that he wasted no time adding another, breaking eye contact only to watch his finger disappearing inside you. Sungjin didn't want to wait any longer; his hard-on was starting to be painful in his shorts. So as you neared your orgasm â pretty quickly, his brain added â he took out his fingers, making quick work of his shorts. Your eyes, screwed shut, opened questioningly, wondering what his intentions were. Was he punishing you? The thought did excite you, you'd admit, but you were too tired to enjoy it completely. You were just about to voice your concerns when he pushed his cock inside you, the stretch making you whine as you looked up at him.
"F-Fuck, Sungjin, ah..." you moaned as you gripped the sheets that you had definitely made a mess of. He leaned forward again, capturing your lips in a kiss as he finally started moving. Your hands rushed to hold onto him, his neck, his shoulders, anything, as he filled you up deliciously.
"Missed this. Missed you," he repeated as he broke away for breath, forehead touching yours. His large hands roamed over your body as he continued thrusting, making no rush since he knew this was how you liked it. "G-Gonna cum," you whispered. Maybe it was the time apart, maybe the way he took care of you, but you knew you wouldn't last long either way. "Me too, baby," he grunted, never breaking eye contact. As you felt the knot unravel, teary-eyed, you said, "I love yâ"
Before you could finish, he was taking you in for another kiss, swallowing up your moans as he finished inside you. You held onto his shoulders tightly as he slowed his pace before stilling completely, giving you time to recover.
"I love you most." He said earnestly as he pulled out, giving you a final kiss before moving to get up. You didn't want to let go of him; you wanted to enjoy this moment more before you inevitably fell asleep and it became a memory. But Sungjin was unrelenting â you knew he wouldn't allow himself to leave you like this. So you sighed as you freed his shoulders, and he smiled at you before going to the bathroom to get a towel.
You heard the water run as he was probably cleaning himself up, and you stared at your ring again, unbelieving that all this had happened. Your boyfriend emerged with towels and a fresh pair of underwear as he sat down near your legs to clean you up. You were still fiddling with your ring as the room fell once again into that comfortable silence as he took care of you. There was a sort of dreaminess in your expression as he lifted your hips to put on your underwear, and as he replaced the blanket you'd laid for a fresh one. Without even realising, you'd began to cry, just thinking about all Sungjin had done for you.
You didn't even want to think about how this night would have usually passed, crying and waking up exhausted, like on so many other occasions. You were overwhelmed with gratitude, and as soon as he noticed your tears he was by your side again.
Your thumb was still touching your ring as he held your face, turning you towards him. "You don't have to thank me," he said before you could even open your mouth. "And one day," he continued as he held your right hand in his, covering your thumb with his own, "I'll ask you to marry me, so you know I'll be there for you forever."
You squeezed his hand as you cuddled into him like before, feeling the sleepiness overcome you despite your immense happiness. "I love you so much, Sungjin."
His hand rested on your head once again, the soothing strokes lulling you to sleep in his arms.
Warnings: detailed descriptions of depression, crying and loneliness, reader is sad in a new city, hurt comfort (my guilty pleasure), angst, fluff, Sungjin is the sweetest, he takes care of her, soft sex, looooooove, no roles really although he's in control, just sweet, slow lovemaking, fingering (f. receiving), unprotected sex (don't be stupid)
A/N: This is one of my favorite things I've ever written. A tiny bit drawn from my experiences, because interning was... something. I'm glad about the knowledge I gained, but yup. Never again. I'm happy with my job (probably the only context I'd say that in).
Now playing: When You Love Someone by DAY6
You couldn't lie: adulthood was hard on you. Your jobs sent you and your boyfriend, Sungjin, to different cities, and you promised yourself you'd give long-distance a shot, because you knew Sungjin was worth it. And it was only a year; you'd make it through, you always did. The only problem was you found it a lot easier to shrink into your old habits and cycles when he wasn't around to keep a check on you.
None of your past college years were particularly eventful, but the last one seemed to pierce through your heart and exhaust you like no other. You weren't one for a large group of friends; you liked your solitude. Although, of course, Sungjin dispelled a lot of the loneliness you felt when he came into your life second year. But here, in a new city, the constant reminders of your outsider-ness in the form of already-formed friend groups, outings excluding you, and countless social media posts â they were too much to take, even though you'd experienced them before, just a year or two prior.
You longed for the familiarity of your hometown, the walls of your old house, all those times when you didn't cry yourself to sleep almost daily. Halfway through your 20s, you couldn't help but wonder â is this all your life was going to be spent doing? Longing? You always spiralled back into these thoughts, and you felt guilty expressing them to Sungjin, because he was killing it in Seoul. His boss adored him, everyone respected him, and he was the top performing intern. Jealousy was the absolute last thing you felt â you were so, so proud of him. But you didn't want to dampen his achievements with your moping, even though you knew he'd understand. The distance made it far too easy to bottle things up again, a habit he'd taught you to break.
You knew he'd be upset if he knew you were doing it again. But you couldn't help it, or that's what you told yourself.
One Friday evening, when you were getting ready to leave work, you saw your colleagues approach the door as a group, talking and laughing. Sigh. Were they going drinking again? You wanted to avoid the humiliation of a pity-invite, so you pretended to tweak something on your laptop for a few more minutes. Friday night outings. You'd gone for the first, and it was fun. However, the dull ache of your depression stopped you from going for the next few, and soon, they stopped inviting you. If you'd pulled yourself up then, would you have more people to call friends now?
It's okay. Just a few more months, then you can leave this place. Yet another thing you had to keep telling yourself.
As you leaned against the taxi window on the way to your apartment, you were contemplating your life again. This was your reality â it wasn't some fever dream that would wear off and you'd find yourself back in your hometown. Just the fact made you want to cry again; quiet public breakdowns were commonplace for you here. You held your tears well while paying the driver, even while walking to the entrance to your flat. But as soon as you got in, the floodgates broke. You collapsed to the floor, exhausted in every possible sense of the word, tears flowing freely. You were loud in your frustration, but you didn't care. All those nights you spent sniffling under the covers, they weren't enough â you wanted to sob, you wanted to bawl the way you did as a little girl when you had a fight on the playground, or something silly like that.
You wanted so badly to have someone to call, someone who could come, someone who could hug you and tell you you were being silly. The thought of Sungjin made you cry even more, about how sad he would be to see you so broken again. You thought back to the first night you spent in this apartment; he'd come to see you off before leaving to his own. He helped you set up everything, and you remember the tinge of sadness that came with the realisation that he wouldn't always be there to help. He couldn't, and neither could you. But you'd pushed it away in favour of better thoughts â this would open up so many opportunities for the both of you, and hopefully make your relationship stronger. The goodbye was short and sweet, and he kissed your forehead so tenderly you swore it could fuel your motivation for the whole internship.
Who knew you'd be doing so miserably without him? You stared at the promise ring you both shared, tears blurring your vision. He was probably looking at his own, too, wondering how you're doing...
This was the issue with living alone â no one could stop you from moving from thought to worse thought, spiralling down a tunnel of 'what-if's and making yourself feel worse. Back when you had roommates, you'd kept the spiralling to a minimum, mostly out of fear of judgement. But here, it was just you and your thoughts.
Squatting on the floor was starting to hurt, so you shifted to a more effective crying stance â fetal position on the hard marble. You felt the tears stain your cheeks, mascara no doubt painting your face black, running down your hair and dripping onto the floor. You couldn't remember the last time you'd felt short of breath while crying; it was always silent, concealed and hidden. It felt good, in a twisted way, to finally let it all go. It was pathetic, so, so pathetic, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. You absentmindedly contemplated having a loud crying session every Friday, because it seemed so therapeutic.
In all the crying-your-eyes-out commotion, you didn't hear the lock to your apartment click as the key was turned. Back to the door, oblivious, you continued lamenting and weeping, the comfort you got from it too irresistible.
The day Sungjin came and left, you'd surprised him with a key to your apartment. You knew he couldn't come often â the job was demanding, so was yours â but you wanted to convey the sentiment. He'd smiled and hugged you, promising that he'd see you as soon as he could. Only, you hadn't anticipated it to be a random Friday night, and the night you chose to cry so hard your ears started ringing. Not ideal.
Sungjin hadn't anticipated it either. But the sudden announcement of a three-day weekend after a particularly hard audit left no doubt in his mind: he had to see you. He couldn't stifle the boyish excitement as he stood at the gate of your apartment, imagining the surprise on your face when you'd see him walk in. As he climbed the stairs to your flat, he wondered if you'd changed anything about yourself or the flat since he'd last video-called you. What if your makeup style changed? He knew you'd look pretty as ever in anything.
The soft smile that'd gradually creeped on his face as he thought of you faded as soon as he turned the key to your door. Lights dimmed, your bag astray, and you lying on the floor, shaking. He'd seen you cry before, sure, thousands of times, but he'd never seen you so... helpless. Desperate. His heart twisted at the way you sobbed; he wondered what could've happened in the short while since you last called him. You were always fine on the phone...
Paralysed by his shock, he realised you still hadn't heard him enter. He wordlessly closed the door before setting his bag down by it, and walked the few steps over to where you laid â she didn't even make it to her room, he thought sadly.
The shadow over you immediately made you alert, and you cursed yourself for not double-locking your door like you always did. The breakdown can wait, you need to be safe first! The moment you turned around, Sungjin had kneeled at the same time, and was reaching out to touch you. It took you a second to process that you weren't seeing things, your boyfriend was actually right there. And he saw, in real life, what you'd been suppressing telling him. How on earth would you explain yourself without hurting him?
"S-Sungjin?" You said, almost cautiously, knowing how ridiculous you looked right now.
He took you in his arms immediately, his hand resting on the back of your head as he held you to his warm body. "Y/N..." He needed a moment to formulate his words, before he could even begin to ask you what was wrong. His embrace was so comforting in spite of the guilt you felt. You allowed yourself to sink into him, resting your hands on his chest.
"I'm sorry," you sniffled before he could say anything, and your trembling voice made Sungjin's heart ache. You knew what you were apologising for â hiding everything, but also because of what you let yourself become. You knew he'd be disappointed even if he didn't show it. Sungjin, on the other hand, was even more perplexed â why were you apologising? He was about to do it, say sorry for not being there for you, for not paying enough attention. But you beat him to it?
"Shh, don't apologise, what are you even apologising for, silly..." he whispered as he stroked your disheveled hair, and the gesture made you cry more.
You didn't know how long you sat there, your face buried in his chest, wetting his shirt with tears; it could've been minutes or hours. Only once your cries died down a little did Sungjin finally say something, his voice softer than you'd ever heard it before. "Why don't I get the shower ready for you? Let me take care of you, love? Then we'll talk?"
You nodded a 'mm' into his chest, but made no effort to move; you only held onto him tighter. Part of you was still anxious to face him; sitting like this was the easier way out.
Sensing that you weren't going to detach from him anytime soon, he held onto you as he stood up, and adjusted your hands on his shoulders so he could carry you. Now you hid your face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent that you missed so much.
Sungjin walked to the bathroom, carrying you effortlessly as he turned on the lights. He placed you on the counter and stood opposite you, and you reluctantly removed your arms from him. You mustered the courage to look at least at his chin, since you hadn't made eye contact since he walked in on you. He wordlessly grabbed the makeup wipes on your shelf and pulled a few out. He noticed your avoidant expression, but chose not to comment on it as he held your chin and cleaned the makeup off your face. You didn't want to break the silence â partly because you wanted to avoid that conversation, but also, it was a comforting silence. Not an awkward one.
His gentle hands then disposed of the wipes, and he focused on your hair. With all the writhing on the floor and all, you didn't realise how tangled it was until he was unknotting it with his hands, so carefully that you could barely sense it. Once it was detangled, Sungjin just ran his hands through your hair; your eyes fluttered shut with the relaxing feeling.
The absence of his hands made you open your eyes again, and you met his gaze. "Let's get you in the shower. C'mon." He led you off the counter, and started to unbutton your blouse. You lifted your arms and moved when needed, falling back into that comfortable silence. He kneeled as he undid your belt and took off your pants; in spite of your time apart, it wasn't embarrassing or awkward.
Your boyfriend delicately turned you around to unclasp your bra, and you complied. After he took off the last garment you wore, he swiftly removed his own clothes. He gave you a chaste kiss on your forehead before leading you to the shower area, and damn, you so needed this. Being taken care of, even for something as 'easy' as a shower. This was all you needed, honestly. How did he know?
You'd underestimated the intimacy of a shower together. Sure, you'd goofed around with him before, making shapes out of your shampooed hair and playing around with the water. But this was the first time you'd so desperately needed him to take care of you. It added to the seriousness of everything, your breakdown that you were yet to address, the confusion he must've felt. But you were eternally grateful that he was allowing you to receive his care without explaining yourself first.
Sungjin stood facing you as he turned the shower on, letting the warm water fall on both of you. "A bubble bath would've been more relaxing, but I can work with this," he says, lighthearted, and you crack the smallest smile. It was as though he sensed how anxious you still were. He was so tuned into you; his actions always conveyed that.
A faint smile remained on his face as he began to massage your neck and arms, the running water making it easier for his hands to glide across you. He gently turned you around again, shifting closer so he could press your shoulders properly. Your eyes closed in bliss again, both the water and his warmth enveloping you. You turned when he switched off the tap, but he shook his head. "Mm. Turn. I can't touch you properly this way."
Even in this state, your cheeks burned at the innuendo, but you said nothing as you turned back around. Sex was the farthest thing on your mind â okay, not the farthest, your gorgeous boyfriend was naked in front of you after all. But it was pretty low down on the list. You were too focused on the feeling of his comforting hands and soft voice to think about all that.
When his hands were back on your body, you had to stop yourself from making a sound at how good it felt. If the first massage was good, this one with soap to lather on was heaven. Sungjin knew your body, every crevice, every sweet spot, and every ache you had as a result of your poor posture at work. And he healed everything, with just his touch. When he got to your legs, he kneeled down in front of you, and placed your hand on his shoulder for balance. You watched as he diligently massaged your legs, making sure to scrub the particularly insistent marks from the day's tussle.
You felt overwhelmed by his sincerity. Your brain was screaming at you, lift him up. You don't deserve all this, not after you lied and kept so much from him. As much as you knew this, you selfishly couldn't get yourself to stop him. Instead, you absentmindedly played with his hair, partly dry since he let you get wet first. It was the first touch you'd initiated all night, and Sungjin noticed. After he was done with your legs, he rinsed his hands before taking out the shampoo. You enjoyed the silence again, quietly watching him as he faced you now, massaging your scalp. Before you could hesitate, you placed your hands on his hips, nearly on his back but not quite. You weren't sure if you could handle him being that close and not do anything stupid.
He ran his hands through your hair like before, and the sensation brought the same drowsiness from before. Sungjin was probably the best masseur in the world; you couldn't even feel time pass when he worked his magic. At some point, he'd finished with your scalp, and you'd fallen back into his chest. Only his gentle grip on your chin as he pulled away brought you back to reality, still slightly dazed from how good his hands felt. "I'll wash you now, okay?"
Eyes half closed, you nodded, and he turned the water back on. This time, he faced you throughout, looking at you as he carefully washed away all the soapiness from your skin. Then, he finished up with your hair, and let the water give you a final rinse. When he turned the knob off, you stopped him before he could leave to get towels.
You wrapped your arms around his torso, holding him close as you spoke what you were dying to say. "Thank you so, so, much, Sungjin, you don't even know what that meant to me..."
He was taken aback by your sudden confession, but returned your embrace nonetheless. His hand assumed its standard position on your hair, although it was too damp to stroke. He kissed the crown of your head. "Of course, my love. You can tell me after I dry you off."
He left and walked in with two towels and he wore one low on his waist, wiping you off before tying the towel around your head and body. Somehow, the sight of his v-line peeking out and his faint happy trail was more erotic than seeing him completely naked. You were crazy, you knew.
Sungjin sat you down at your dresser, turning on the hairdryer. He wasn't the most efficient at drying hair, his movements clumsy. But he got it done, then added the serum you always use to the tips of your hair. He then walked over to your closet. "What do you wanna wear? Long sleeve? A nightdress? Shorts?" You turned around as you answered coyly, "Can I wear one of your shirts?"
That soft smile you loved so much was back on his face, and he said an 'of course' before going to get his bag. He'd only brought three pairs of house-clothes, but of course he didn't mind sharing with you. He realised you didn't have any of his clothes here since this was the first time he visited.
He took out an old black tee for himself to wear, and a dark grey one for you. You put it on and put on your usual cotton underwear, settling on the bed to watch Sungjin change. The muscles on his back flexed as he wore the shirt, and you had to distract yourself from thinking about how big his clothes looked on you.
Once he was done, he sat beside you on the bed, body leaning against the headboard. "You look beautiful in my clothes." You smiled before you shifted closer to him, still a bit nervous about the impending conversation.
"Come here."
Sungjin snuggled you against his chest, your body almost on top of him as he stroked your now-silky hair. "Talk whenever you feel like. I'm here." You knew he wouldn't let you hide anything, but he was giving you time. In spite of everything.
Sungjin saw his old self in you. In fact, he found the two of you very similar back in college. But instead of drowning in toxic cycles together, you'd helped each other break them, and Sungjin was positive he couldn't have done it without you. Seeing you now, he understood that lifelong habits were difficult to get rid of, and he didn't judge you for falling back into them. He'd been close to doing it too, many times, but he always mustered the strength to stop himself. The thought of you not being able to do the same made his heart shatter.
You gladly took the concession he gave you, opting to listen to his heartbeat for a few minutes before you started. You took a deep breath to calm yourself down, reminding yourself that this was Sungjin you were talking to â you trusted him more than anyone, and he'd understand anything. Now that he was here, in front of you, it was a lot easier not to hide anything.
"It's a long story," you started off, earning a chuckle from Sungjin. "And I don't want you to blame yourself for anything because it's all on me, okay?
"I trust you. More than anything, and I know you'll listen to me rant and cry and complain, 'cause I've done it so many times." You felt your voice getting shaky again, but you trudged on. "But I think not seeing you in person made me want to show you my best self, show that I was doing as well as you were. But God, Sungjin, I was so miserable...
"I was always more of an introvert, but it got so much worse at this place. You know, I had friends at uni, but you were always my go-to, even before we dated. And I didn't mind you having other and more friends, because that was your personality. I always admired that about you."
Sungjin's hand moved to your cheek at that, thumb lightly caressing your face. He was silent, waiting for you to spill everything out.
"But I think â if I'm totally honest â knowing that you were happy and enjoying Seoul in spite of it being so new and different... it made me wonder why I couldn't be like that. And I think I kinda accepted that I couldn't ever be like that. That should've put me at peace, but I started hating myself for it, for never trying to make my life better or make the best of whatever I have. And it felt unfair to both of us to complain to you about it, because it would seem like jealousy. Which it never was."
Your hand moved to the side of his neck as you went on, "I'm always proud of you, especially now, because you're killing it. And as much as we're always there for each other, I didn't want to burden you with my moping because you deserve to enjoy this success.
"I planned to tell you whenever we met, because I just couldn't bring myself to do it over a call. I didn't expect you to walk in when I had the worst breakdown I've had in months. I don't know what pushed the line, but I was just so... sad today. I missed my old life. I missed you, so much. And you see how unfair it is, right? To call you and beg you to come, even though I'm sure you missed me too." You spoke every word that came into your brain, months of journal entries pouring out to the person you trusted most. "It's not that I didn't feel safe telling you. But I think you get what I mean.
"I guess I didn't realise how dependent I was on you to keep my bad habits in check. And I sound like such a kid right now, I know. I think I graduated high school only in papers. I don't think I can get myself to cry to you over the phone, even after this. And I'm already scared about what'll happen to me once you leave. If I'm being honest."
You had to take a short break to compose yourself; the tears started to flow without you even realising. You readjusted yourself so that you were closer to Sungjin's neck, and your body was almost fully on top of his. Sungjin had other plans, though, because in the middle of your moving, he shifted your positions to face each other, chests still flush. It was better for him this way, he could see you; it was worse for you this way, he could see you.
Your boyfriend wiped your tears for what seemed like the hundredth time tonight, and you had a bitter flashback to all the times you'd woken up with salty skin from all the crying you'd done. It took you only minutes to get used to Sungjin's care again, and you knew you had it bad.
"And the worst part is," you sniffled with a sad smile with his hand still on your cheek, "people tried to make it better for me. Even my boss noticed how lonely I was. But I always rejected their offers to nights out and Friday parties, they probably thought I hated them or something..."
"You didn't want to give them any expectations to live up to." He provided, and you looked up at him. He always knew what you were thinking; you didn't even need to say beyond a few sentences for him to understand your mind completely. "Exactly," you sighed as you looked at his broad chest, resting your hand there.
"I'm sorry for not telling you," you added after a momentary silence, meeting his eyes again. "I understand, darling," Sungjin spoke softly and sweetly, "I would never be mad at you for that. But this should be the last time. I'm never too busy to talk to you, no matter how serious it is."
You started to tear up again at that, and you cursed yourself internally. It was embarrassing that you craved his affection this much. You knew he wouldn't hate you for it, but it still seemed so... desperate.
"Hey. Hey," he spoke earnestly, "you don't ever need to look your best or hide from me. It's not embarrassing. I love you, every part of you. Don't ever forget that, Y/N."
The conviction in his voice gave you the warmth you'd been missing these past few months. You knew Sungjin was dead serious; he hated when you hid yourself from him. It was one of the first things the both of you had to work on in your relationship.
"II love you too, Sungjin. So much, so much," you whimpered against his chest, and he held you in his arms. "I won't hide again. I promise. I-I'll call you when it gets too much. But I don't want you to prioritise me over work, alright? I want you to do well, too."
"When have I ever failed at multitasking, honey?" He replied instantly, and you could hear the smile in his voice. You let out a little chuckle at that, trying to calm your shaking voice. "I'm serious! You're not the only one who cares. I want you to know that. You're the most important person in my life. I want you to be happy."
Sungjin sighed, the rise and fall of his chest against your cheek. "I'm really as happy as I've ever been. Because of the job, because of Seoul, but most importantly because I have you. You think I'd have had the courage to go all the way to Seoul without you supporting me? You're my motivation, you know."
"Oh, God, Sungjin, I just stopped crying," you sobbed through your fresh tears, and Sungjin let out a loud laugh, probably the first of the evening. "It's true! Don't you believe me? Huh? That you're my one and only?" He craned his neck to look at you, and you just hid your face in his chest. "Stop," you giggled, but he continued. "That you're the love of my life?" A kiss behind your ear. "My girl?" A kiss to your temple. "My lovely, smart, gorgeous woman?" One on your cheek. You had the stupidest smile on your face through it all, and he was unrelenting. "Look at me, my beautiful girl."
You moved your head away from his inviting chest to meet his eyes, and he wiped your tears, again, with a fond smile. "I couldn't have done it without you. And I am so proud of you." Sungjin's lips met yours before you could respond, and your eyes closed of their own accord when you felt his soft, slow kiss.
Just being with Sungjin felt like home. But his kiss was like the warmth of the kitchen enveloping you; a sweet scent wafting through the air, the faint hum of a melody, and the familiar smile of your boyfriend. Strangely, ever since your first kiss, that was all you could think of whenever he kissed you, and it was a comforting image. One you had missed dearly for the past months.
There was no urgency in the kiss, in spite of your time apart. It was gentle. There wasn't any urgency in the way you tugged at his shirt, either â it was a faint pull, barely there, and Sungjin could've mistaken it for an accidental touch, but of course he didn't. He pulled away to look into your eyes for any leftover hurt; he wanted to know what you were doing this out of. Pain, or longing?
"Are you sure, baby?" You opened your eyes and nodded, a soft 'yes' leaving your lips, followed by, "I missed you."
"God, I missed you more," he replied roughly as he sat up to take off his black shirt, and you watched as his glorious chest came into view again.
"Sungjin, you're so handsome," you said in a dazed voice, a couple octaves higher than a few minutes ago. Your boyfriend was bashful, as you saw him awkwardly rub his neck in embarrassment. You loved complimenting him solely because of his reactions; it was like he transformed back into that sweet, shy stranger you'd met in your second year. You sat up to look at him closely, your hands running down his chest. You kissed him lightly on his lips before moving to his jaw and collarbone.
Before you could go lower, though, Sungjin stopped you with his hands around your wrists. "I love this, I love you, but I want to take care of you, sweetheart," he said, that fond smile back on his face. With a light blush around his neck that you pretended not to notice.
"Okay," you smiled happily, circling your arms around his neck again. He lowered you onto your back again, resting on his forearms as he looked at you with so much adoration you thought your heart was going to burst. He kissed you once more, gentle as ever, and you felt yourself get needier by the minute. You sighed contentedly as he moved his hands to lightly massage your breasts, your back arching in pleasure. The fabric restriction frustrated you, so you moved your hands to lift up your (his) shirt. But Sungjin stopped you, "No. Keep it on."
"Sungjin," you whined, and he could tell you were getting impatient, so he adjusted himself to touch you where you needed him most. "Sorry, baby, just missed you..."
He held back a groan looking at your dampened underwear, loving the effect he had on you. He took his sweet time taking it off, savouring your reactions and seeing your pussy after so long.
"Fuck... Gorgeous," he rasped, and your hands flew to grasp his hair before he even touched you. His fingers ghosted around your clit, barely there, causing you to buck your hips out of need. He used one arm to hold your torso down while he continued his featherlight touches, your little whimpers egging him on.
Before you cried out of frustration â he knows you're almost there â he finally indulged you, inserting his finger into your wet, needy core. It slipped in so easily that he wasted no time adding another, breaking eye contact only to watch his finger disappearing inside you. Sungjin didn't want to wait any longer; his hard-on was starting to be painful in his shorts. So as you neared your orgasm â pretty quickly, his brain added â he took out his fingers, making quick work of his shorts. Your eyes, screwed shut, opened questioningly, wondering what his intentions were. Was he punishing you? The thought did excite you, you'd admit, but you were too tired to enjoy it completely. You were just about to voice your concerns when he pushed his cock inside you, the stretch making you whine as you looked up at him.
"F-Fuck, Sungjin, ah..." you moaned as you gripped the sheets that you had definitely made a mess of. He leaned forward again, capturing your lips in a kiss as he finally started moving. Your hands rushed to hold onto him, his neck, his shoulders, anything, as he filled you up deliciously.
"Missed this. Missed you," he repeated as he broke away for breath, forehead touching yours. His large hands roamed over your body as he continued thrusting, making no rush since he knew this was how you liked it. "G-Gonna cum," you whispered. Maybe it was the time apart, maybe the way he took care of you, but you knew you wouldn't last long either way. "Me too, baby," he grunted, never breaking eye contact. As you felt the knot unravel, teary-eyed, you said, "I love yâ"
Before you could finish, he was taking you in for another kiss, swallowing up your moans as he finished inside you. You held onto his shoulders tightly as he slowed his pace before stilling completely, giving you time to recover.
"I love you most." He said earnestly as he pulled out, giving you a final kiss before moving to get up. You didn't want to let go of him; you wanted to enjoy this moment more before you inevitably fell asleep and it became a memory. But Sungjin was unrelenting â you knew he wouldn't allow himself to leave you like this. So you sighed as you freed his shoulders, and he smiled at you before going to the bathroom to get a towel.
You heard the water run as he was probably cleaning himself up, and you stared at your ring again, unbelieving that all this had happened. Your boyfriend emerged with towels and a fresh pair of underwear as he sat down near your legs to clean you up. You were still fiddling with your ring as the room fell once again into that comfortable silence as he took care of you. There was a sort of dreaminess in your expression as he lifted your hips to put on your underwear, and as he replaced the blanket you'd laid for a fresh one. Without even realising, you'd began to cry, just thinking about all Sungjin had done for you.
You didn't even want to think about how this night would have usually passed, crying and waking up exhausted, like on so many other occasions. You were overwhelmed with gratitude, and as soon as he noticed your tears he was by your side again.
Your thumb was still touching your ring as he held your face, turning you towards him. "You don't have to thank me," he said before you could even open your mouth. "And one day," he continued as he held your right hand in his, covering your thumb with his own, "I'll ask you to marry me, so you know I'll be there for you forever."
You squeezed his hand as you cuddled into him like before, feeling the sleepiness overcome you despite your immense happiness. "I love you so much, Sungjin."
His hand rested on your head once again, the soothing strokes lulling you to sleep in his arms.
Sungjin & 22. âShow me how much you missed me.â + 50. "Please, I can't sit still."
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1.5k words
I couldn't resist writing reader w/ a praise kink. It fit well with the prompt, sorry! Also hereafter if you guys would like to specify who says the dialogue (in case I got it wrong, haha), I don't mind at all.
You were just about to fall asleep on the couch when you heard the front door of your apartment unlock â Sungjin was finally home. He'd been gone on a work trip for the last two weeks, and you'd whiled away the time trying to meet your deadlines, watching movies and texting him whenever the both of you were free. But in spite of regular contact, what you missed the most was his touch. The way he would put his arms around you when sitting together, feeling his warmth as you slept on your shared bed, and of course, the more intimate moments.
It'd been so long since you felt his fingers in you, or sucked him off, or even kissed him. Two weeks, yes â but when it came to Sungjin, even one day without his touch had you experiencing withdrawals.
So when he walked into the apartment, you jolted awake and ran over to give him a hug; he was dressed in a simple suit but you couldv'e sworn he had gotten more handsome in the past two weeks.
You relaxed completely as soon as you felt his arms around you, one of his hands coming to stroke your hair like it always did. You loved that little habit he had whenever he hugged you. "Hey, sweetheart," you could hear the smile in his voice.
"Sungjin, god, I missed you so much," you warbled into his chest, taking in his warmth, hugging him tighter.
"I know, I know, me too..." he cooed, closing the door with his foot for privacy.
After a minute or two, Sungjin kissed the top of your head as he tried to pull away, but you didn't move. You felt more than heard the deep chuckle that came from him, before he said, "I'm all yours, baby. Just let me freshen up and I'll be with you in five minutes."
You reluctantly let him go into the bathroom, knowing that he couldn't fully relax till he was clean. You could appreciate that about him.
After five agonising minutes, Sungjin emerged in all his wet-haired glory, wearing a loose shirt and shorts. It was embarrassing how turned on you were, but who could blame you? You watched as he shook a towel on his hair and put his used clothes in the laundry basket. You admired his legs and strong arms, the way his shirt spiked slightly as he dried his hair and, well, everything about him. He was so, so classically handsome, and you were beginning to crave him more and more.
He walked over to the sofa, where you were sitting, but you decided to stand up and meet him halfway instead, catching his amused face before you tiptoed to kiss him. Your hands roamed over his chest and torso, desperate to be closer to him. Sungjin held you by the waist, and the feeling of his hands on you, but not doing anything, was almost enough to make you cry of frustration. You whined helplessly against his lips, grabbing onto his arms.
The kisses grew more passionate, and his hands started to move along your back, causing you to shiver involuntarily. You were getting more worked up by the minute, and you could tell Sungjin was too, by the way he grunted against your lips. Soon enough you were breathless and reluctantly broke the kiss, breathing heavily.
He moved his hand to cup your face. "I missed you." he said again, looking into your eyes with so much love and admiration.
"I missed you more," you said, leaning into his touch. You took his other hand in yours, interlacing your fingers with his.
"Oh, yeah? Show me how much," he smirked.
You were mildly surprised, because you didn't see this playful side of Sungjin often in intimate moments. But you loved to please, so you promptly sunk to your knees in front of him. The slight raise of his eyebrow told you he was taken aback by your eagerness, and the way he looked at you intently was causing an almost unbearable throb between your legs.
You knew, though, that if you were good for him now, he'd be amazing to you later. So you ignored your needs for the time being, and instead slowly moved your hands up his thighs over his boxers. You pulled them down by the waistband, biting your lip as you immediately felt yourself get wetter when you saw his dick in front of you. Sungjin carded a hand through your hair with a lazy smirk on his face; he loved watching your reactions.
You started with a few strokes along his length before you took him in your mouth. He let out a low groan. "Fuck, you feel so good," he said in a tone that made you squeeze your thighs, desperate for some relief.
His grip in your hair tightened as he started to control your movements, picking up the pace. When you went as far down as you could, and your nose pressed against Sungjin's abdomen, he held you there for a bit, and you tried your best to relax your throat to take him in. "Ah, Y/N... you're so good for me, such a good girl."
You interlocked your fingers in an effort to control yourself; to have him praise you like this after what felt like forever was almost torturous. You started to tear up a little as his movements sped up, your eyes fluttering shut as Sungjin continued to guide you on his dick. "Look at me," he commanded, and you glanced up at him through your eyelashes to his handsome face, damp hair falling on his forehead. "Lean back baby, let me fuck your mouth, can you do that for me?"
Of course you could. You loved being good for him, even now, even though you were so desperate to feel him you could cry. You sat back on your heels. Your immediate obedience was intoxicating to Sungjin, you were so eager to please him. "God, you're an angel," he murmured almost to himself; you looked so sweet in this moment, even though his dick was in your mouth. "Tell me if it's too much, okay?"
He bunched up your hair to have better control of you before he thrusted into your mouth, starting slow so he didn't hurt you. You tried your best to keep your eyes open, the view too erotic to miss: Sungjin's head slightly tilted backwards, his mouth occasionally leaving a shaky breath, eyebrows slightly furrowed in concentration. Your knuckles were white from the effort it took to stay still â your panties were soaking at this point and it was obvious how needy you were.
You could tell he was close by his grip on your hair and the soft moans he let out. The sight and sounds in front of you were so sinfully pleasing you almost couldnât bear it â Sungjin was fucking hot.
He picked up the pace for a time before asking, âCan I cum in your mouth, sweetheart?â, the nickname wildly contradictory to what he was doing with you. You moaned around his dick, which he took as a yes and which brought him to his orgasm.
You swallowed without him asking, which he swore couldâve made him cum again untouched. He tilted your chin to look up at him, moving some stray hair from your face. Sungjin always made an effort to be gentle with you, especially after rougher moments like these.
âYou were so good, baby,â he smiled down at you, âdo you want anything else? Hm? Let me make you feel good.â
You looked so beautiful with your slightly disheveled hair and flushed cheeks, sitting down and looking up at him with teary eyes. Wait, teary?
On realising you were crying, Sungjin immediately knelt down with concern on his face. He brought his other hand to your face and gently wiped your tears with his thumbs.
âAre you okay, darling? Was I too rough? Iâm sorry, I didnât realiseâŠâ
âPlease fuck me, SungjinâŠâ
ââŠWhat?â
Your emotions were all over the place, and Sungjinâs clear shock made you want to laugh and cry at the same time. More of the crying though, because you wanted him so bad it was unbearable.
âNeed you to fuck me, please, I can't sit still, missed you so much,â you rambled through small sobs, not even caring about how desperate you sounded. It was all true, anyway.
Sungjin closed his eyes with a small chuckle, relieved that he didnât hurt you. He wondered what incredibly noble thing he mightâve done in another life to deserve someone like you in this one. Saved a country, maybe? âYou,â he said, hands moving to hold yours, âare going to be the death of me.â
âIâll take care of you, baby, donât worry.â
Hi, I miss day6 so much. Iâd like to request 65 with Sungjin please. So excited to read! Thank u
Sungjin & 65. âQuiet, baby, the others will hear.â
⥠Send me a request!
1.3k words
I miss them so much too. I think it shows in this. âĄ
You couldn't be more thankful that your boyfriend's friend group was so easygoing, kind and funny that you clicked instantly - since Sungjin spoke so highly of them, you really wanted to be able to make a good connection with them.
Sungjin was glad too, which resulted in you tagging along for most of their outings and lunches; you were more or less one of them now. And that's how you found yourself cuddled with Sungjin under a warm blanket, watching a Disney movie with his friends sprawled over different parts of his living room.
You were in a pretty fucking great position, you couldn't lie. You were painfully aware of how nice Sungjin's body felt against you, how his big hands were holding you close, and it was taking everything in you to not ask his friends to please get out because you can't keep it in your pants.
You were hardly concentrating on the movie, and Sungjin tracing circles on your shoulder wasn't helping at all. To satisfy yourself a little, you leaned up and kissed him on his jawline, to get his attention. He looked at you with a smile before kissing you fully, and you took the opportunity to get closer to him, adjusting your position.
He discreetly moved his hands to your hair, taking care to not make any loud or obvious movements. You were so frustrated with how little he was giving you, even though you knew you wouldn't want to be embarrassed in front of his friends either. But it felt so purposeful, like he knew how needy you were and was teasing you on purpose. You wouldn't put it past him, honestly.
By this point, everyone had fallen asleep - it was the third movie in a row and the middle of the night; they were probably tired from the day's activities. But you were wide awake.
"Sungjin," you whispered, looking at him as your lips detached from his. Your forehead was resting against his, his hand still lightly cradling your head, making you look at him.
"What, baby?" He asks, a twinkle in his eye. You know he knows.
"I want you to kiss me properly," you said softly, resting your head on his shoulder. His arms held you against him, and you were getting more worked up from the proximity. God, he was intoxicating.
The others were well aware that a dimly lit room with big sofas and bulky blankets was a ready invite for you two to fool around, so when they chose their places to watch the movie, they made sure to keep a safe distance from the both of you. The realisation that you and Sungjin were the only ones on the sofa while everyone else was asleep at least five feet away was both funny and embarrassing.
But you didn't have much time to think about it as Sungjin's fingers traced along your torso, under the loose shirt you may or may not have chosen strategically. Every touch was so careful and gentle that it made you all the more frustrated; when his other hand began grazing under your ear you almost snapped.
You put your hand on his chest and buried your face in his neck, feeling a soft laugh from him at your antics. "Baby, please," you mumbled into his neck, and the sensation made him take in a sharp breath.
"Please what?" He teased again, his hands still making you feel impossibly sensitive.
"Do something 'cause I'm about to cry," you whined, moving your head to look at him. "I'm sorry I'm saying this in front of your friends, I know it's embarrassing and stupid but I really justâ"
Sungjin discreetly slipped his hands under the waistband of your pants, and kissed you before you had a chance to make a sound. His fingers lightly pressed your pussy through your underwear, and you sighed into the kiss. When he started moving them, though still not fully satisfying you, it got harder to keep quiet. You went back to cradling in his neck, squeezing your eyes shut to concentrate on staying silent.
And then, it happened. As skilfully and smoothly as he had touched you elsewhere, he moved your panties to the side and pushed in two of his fingers, painstakingly slow. And you couldn't stop the moan that left your lips at finally feeling him inside you.
"Quiet, baby, the others will hear," he spoke against your ear, his deep voice so close to you. You then realised the movie was long over â everyone was still asleep, but it meant you didn't have the TV to drown you out anymore, and had to work even harder to be quiet.
Sungjin started moving his fingers, and your hand moved to grip his shoulder. His other hand now cupped your breast, lightly flicking your nipple, and all the while, he got busy with leaving soft kisses on your neck. There were so many sensations at once, you were starting to lose your mind. "Ah, S-Sungjin, fuck..." you whined when he started to pick up the pace, gripping his shirt uselessly as you squirmed in his hold.
"You're so pretty like this, baby. Why did you apologise? I'll always give my baby what she wants. This is what you want, isn't it?" he whispered huskily, and he noticed the way you shivered involuntarily; the way you bit your lip to stop yourself upon hearing his words.
You felt his thumb starting to touch your clit, and the stimulation was almost too much â he was still mercilessly toying with your nipple, the pain and pleasure of his fingers on your breast was already driving you insane. And of course, the way he was talking to you, voice low and stern, was making all of this a lot harder.
Sungjin evidently knew you well, because as soon as he started to flick your clit with his thumb, he brought up his free hand to cover your mouth. And even though you missed his hand on your breast, the idea of him keeping you quiet like this was a lot hotter.
You felt your orgasm approaching as he started to move his fingers faster, the pressure on your clit getting harsher. "Come on baby, let go," he encouraged, admiring the fucked out expression on your face. "Fuck, Sungjin, Iâ" you closed your eyes as the building knot in your abdomen came undone, your head falling back onto his shoulder.
Sungjin's hand left your mouth and his fingers finally slowed down as you calmed down, before he took them out completely. You looked up at him with a faint smile on your face, a slight blush on your cheeks from the situation. "That was... amazing."
"Not bad at all, angel," he smirked at you, "you were quiet. For the most part." He brought his fingers in front of you and you opened your mouth obediently, sucking them clean. Sungjin watched with glassy eyes as he thought about how your lips looked so, so perfect around his fingers, and how much better they would look around his dick. But he chose to focus on you for now, for the moment, before he could get you alone and do what he so desperately wanted to.
You kept eye contact as he took his fingers out of your mouth. The moment felt so private and erotic as a thin line of spit formed between your mouth and his fingertips. Sungjin kissed you slowly and sweetly now, and your hands ran through his hair as you felt yourself wanting more again.
He broke the kiss and smiled sheepishly. "They're all asleep anyway. I don't know why we didn't just go to my room."
You laughed, the thought didn't even occur to you. "This was more fun though."
Synopsis: Younghyunâs been facing insecurities heâs never had to before. And he doesnât know how youâd react to them.
Genre: smut
1.2k words
Mention of insecurities in appearance, unhealthy diets, body image etc.
P.S. This was written more than two years ago when a lot of people were commenting on his appearance, and as someone whoâs been through that, I wrote this from a place of understanding, not ridicule or patrony. Please donât misunderstand!
You entered your and Younghyunâs shared apartment, quietly as per usual since it was 11 P.M. You set the keys and your backpack down and noticed the bedroom door was open - usually Younghyunâd have closed it and been asleep by now. Slowly, you peeped through the door, and found him shirtless, looking at himself in the mirror. His facial expression was... distraught, seemed to be a fitting word. You paled with worry, wondering what he was thinking about.
âYounghyun, whatâs wrong?â
He met your eyes in the mirror, quickly putting on his shirt. âOh, baby, I didnât see you come. Nothingâs wrong...?â He turned to face you, as you walked over to him, smiling slightly. His hands found their usual place at your waist.
You put your hands on his shoulders, âWhat were you looking at? Why were you upset?â For the first time in quite a while, Younghyun didnât look you in the eye. He murmured, âI just... look a little different from a few years ago. Worse.â he breathed quietly, âI was thinking about going back on that diet I did a while ago.â
You made sure not to show an adverse reaction that would hurt him, instead, you calmly replied, âYounghyun, thereâs nothing wrong with gaining a few pounds. You look as good as you did before. And you know how extreme that diet was. I donât want you to be unhealthy, please, okay?â
âYou donât understand, Y/N. I canât even look at myself in the mirror without thinking about what I should change.âÂ
Your heart ached. You truthfully felt that your boyfriend was being too hard on himself, but you knew that saying that wouldnât help at all. Moving your hands up to his neck, and allowing your fingers to wander along his hair, you said, âI know you want to change for yourself more than for anyone else. But I love you, your body, as it is now. If you want, we can go to the gym together, but I donât want you to drive yourself crazy with that diet. I wonât see you do that again.âÂ
Younghyun remained quiet. âBaby,â you said softly. âPlease, look at me.â
His hands were still on your waist, but his demeanour was tense. He looked at you with a blank expression, and you almost cried at how helpless you felt. âIâm not saying it for the sake of it, or to make you feel better. I love your body. I love your arms, your stomach, your thighs, your beautiful hands,â you took his hands in yours and gave them a kiss, and held them there. âI hate seeing you upset with yourself, I wish you saw what I saw.â Youâd never used such sincere words before, but you knew Younghyun was the only person towards whom youâd meant them so very much.Â
You cautiously reached up to him to give him a kiss, and relaxed yourself when he reciprocated. You pushed him towards the couch in your bedroom so he could sit comfortably, and he obliged, his hands on your back to keep you from falling. You straddled him, guiding him instead of it being the other way around. You were determined to show him how you felt.Â
His expression was more relaxed now, and you were relieved to see that worried look off his face. Your hands were cupping his face again, your eyes full of admiration.Â
âI love you so much,â you whispered.
You began focusing your attention on his neck - you left soft, butterfly kisses along them, murmuring words of affection as you did so. Younghyunâs eyes closed and his mouth opened slightly; it had been a while since he let himself loose like this. âYou always make me feel so loved, you should feel it too. I donât deserve you. Youâre so, so, perfect, Younghyun.â Your hands were fiddling with his hair as you lightly kissed his jawline.
His voice sounded strained as he murmured, âFuck...â
âShh, let me make you feel better.â You said, readjusting yourself so that you werenât straddling him anymore, but kneeling down between his legs.
You touched his jeans, and looked at him. âIs this okay?â His eyes remained closed, and he nodded. âYeah.â
You unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, and he helped you move them out of the way. Now you were looking at the outline of his dick in his boxers, and you tried to ignore your building arousal - tonight was about him. You palmed him a little first, watching his reactions, the way he sighed softly, how his hands grew slightly tense as you continued touching him. You pushed his thighs a little apart so you could be closer to him.
Before Younghyun felt annoyed instead of relieved, you freed him from his underwear, his dick wet with precum. You used it to stroke him, admiring the way he rested his head back and the view of his neck it gave you. âYouâre so hot, I love when you fill me up, I love when you make me feel good.â
âY/N...â he all but whispered, the frustration evident in his voice. You hoped he could trust the words you were saying.
You start with small licks to the tip of his dick, then taking it into your mouth little by little as you moved your head. Your hands kept busy with the places your mouth couldnât reach. You could tell he wanted you to pick up the pace when his hand loosely gripped your hair, making you moan. The vibrations riled him up even more, and he began to guide you with the hand that held your hair in a makeshift ponytail.
After you hollowed your cheeks down his length a few times, making him let out sinfully gorgeous moans, Younghyun started to take over. He was a bit more rough with you, pushing you down on him faster. You tried your absolute best not to choke around him, taking him as well as you could. You knew he was letting out his pent up emotions on you, and you allowed it.
âFuck, Y/N, Iâm gonna cum...â
You responded the only way you could, which was a âmmâ that once again drove Younghyun crazy. It seemed to push him over the edge, and his grip in your hair loosened as you felt his warm cum down your throat. You stroked him lazily as you lifted your head. His hips jerked slightly at the overstimulation, and you removed your hand completely.Â
âYou okay, baby?â Your concern arose after you got off your knees and saw him with his head leaned back again, the most fucked-out expression on his face. You had no doubt you looked the same, maybe worse.
âYeah, just - need a sec.â
When he opened his eyes, he gave you a lopsided smile and guided you to sit beside him, immediately pulling you close. âYouâre amazing, I love you,â he said as he kissed your hair, but you were quick to change the subject. You put your hands on his chest and cuddled into him, saying, âI meant everything I said, Younghyun. Seriously. You donât deserve to feel anything but amazing about yourself. Youâre perfect. I swear.â
He was looking intently at you when you spoke, and gently cupped your face with his free hand when you were done. He pressed his forehead against yours. âThank you for making me feel loved.â You almost cried from how much emotion his words held, and you couldnât help but bury your head in his shoulder as you gave him a tight hug.
