DC_Writer_E

TBH like my personality, I'm everywhere kinda.

[davidalleynethinksfast]

blessed content

[stariver00]

멍냥

[chief-of-restless-hearts]

Finally Bruce can be the positive reinforcement. 

(og quote from A Charlie Brown Christmas)

[davidalleynethinksfast]

you know that's dick's own laundry

[charleswaterloo]

dc writers better watch the FUCK out

[davidalleynethinksfast]

take a bat to that man

[yessoupy]

GOD I just want to be CREATIVE but all my energy is being used to survive

[incorrectbatfam]

Roy: Isn't the idea supposed to be "you saved my life, now I owe you a debt"?

Jason: Nope. Other way around. You saved my life, so now I'm your problem. If you don't like it, then kill me.

Jason: God wanted me dead, now you get to find out why.

[collectivefandomstuff]

Bruce: [sticks his head into Damian's room] Damian. Come help with this

Damian: [watching a video on his phone] I have homework

Bruce: Oh, and I suppose that homework is on Youtube?

Damian: Yes. It's a documentary.

Bruce: oh. ok. [leaves]

Damian: [continues watching a compilation of dogs reuniting with their owners]

-

Bruce: [opens the door to Tim's room] I need your help.

Tim: [at his desk, playing super mario on his game boy] I have homework

Bruce: [suspiciously] I thought you finished school?

Tim: [stares at Bruce while he opens a desk drawer, pulls out a battered middle school Maths book and puts it on the desk]

Tim: I have homework

Bruce: ...you've had that book since you moved in

Tim: [opens the book to a page on multiplication] You're hindering my academic endeavors

Bruce: [internal struggle]

Bruce: ...fine. [leaves]

-

Bruce: [sees Dick in the hallway] Dick, I need help w-

Dick: I have to help Dami with his homework

Bruce: I'm sure he'll manage

Dick: [flippantly] I'm doing YOUR job Bruce. [disappears into Damian's room]

Bruce: [shouts after him] You're carrying popcorn!!

Dick: [from behind the closed door] IT'S BRAIN FOOD!

-

Bruce: [finds Jason and Cass in the kitchen] Jason-

Jason: I have homework

Bruce: No you don't.

Jason: [immidiately combative] I could have! You don't know my life.

Cass: GED

Jason: [points at Cass] right! I'm getting my GED

Bruce: [deadpan] Really?

Jason: [crosses his arms] Really.

Bruce: [turns to Cass] Cassandr-

Cass: Homework

Bruce: YOU'RE definitely not in school

Cass: [stares at Bruce while she spreads jam on a PB&J sandwhich] Homework.

Bruce: [eye twitching]

[a crash is heard from upstairs followed by the sounds of Mario Kart, complete with shouts of rage from Dick and arguing from Tim and Damian]

Bruce: [Yelling at the ceiling] THAT'S NOT HOMEWORK

Dick: [Shouts back] IT'S A CASE STUDY IN DIPLOMACY

Tim: [Absently] WOW FIVE TIMES SIX SURE IS THIRTY. MAN I'M LEARNING SO MUCH RIGHT NOW

[collectivefandomstuff]

[Family Meeting]

Bruce: I’d like to adress the sudden rise in animosity the villains have shown towards Robin.

Jason, just back from a mission: [leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed] more than usual you mean?

Tim: A lot more.

Dick: Dami has recently decided to forget what the villains are called.

Jason: I- wait what?

Damian: [imperiously] I simply decided that memorising the names of criminals was an ineffective use of my cognitive faculties. Better I recall their behavioural patterns.

Jason: What exactly did you do?

-

Riddler: [appears dramatically in a puff of smoke] Well well, if it isn’t the little bird?

Robin: [coldly] Question man.

Riddler:

Riddler: It’s “the Riddler”

Robin: Who cares?

Riddler: [sputtering]

-

Robin: [drops down from the ceiling to interrupt a meeting between Penguin and his people]

Penguin: Great. It’s the boy annoyance.

Robin: [cordially] Birdman.

Penguin: I beg your pardon?!

Robin: [without inflection] My apologies. I have come to arrest you, Mister Mumble.

Penguin: Out of all the movies you could have insulted me with-

-

Poison Ivy: Oh my, looks like a little birdie has come for a visit.

Harley Quinn: [grinning] Nice of you to drop in tweety

Robin: [nods to Ivy] Daisy. [to Harley] Miss Mime

Ivy: what

Harley: [cracks her knuckles]

-

Robin: [throws a batarang at clayface]

Clayface: great. a mosquito.

Robin: …[with distaste] There is no need for insults, Mudpie.

Clayface: …

-

Robin: [calling in an arrest] Yes, I have apprehended Toto.

Scarecrow: [tied up nearby] Hey!

-

Joker: [Sees Robin swinging down in the middle of a hostage situation] Oh look! it’s the cavalary…’s pet.

Robin: [cordially] Mr Quinzel.

Joker:

Joker: Wh-

Robin: You are Harley’s husband correct?

Joker: [furious] no!

Robin: My apologies then. I shall endeavor to use your proper name… … [frowning] Mrs? You are wearing make-up. Is that it? Mrs Quinzel? I did not mean to assume.

Joker: [frothing at the mouth]

-

[back at the meeting]

Tim: to be fair he only does it when they misname HIM.

Damian: I have a name. It is rude not to use it.

Bruce: Damian. There has been seven attempts on your life this week alone. Stop.

Damian: no

Bruce: [grinds his teeth]

Dick: Actually, what ARE Joker’s preferred pronouns? Has anyone asked?

Jason: [munching down a power bar] It’s Fuckface McKidkiller

[collectivefandomstuff]

I just realised that I missed the opportunity to have Damian call Harley ‘Mad Madam Mime’ and I’m going to die mad about it

[collectivefandomstuff]

Robin Group Chat

Dick: [02:19] anyone want pizza?

Tim: [02:20] I'm busy

Jason: [02:22] pineapple

Dick: [02:25] I refuse to buy pineapple pizza

Steph: [02:29] I want bananas on mine

Dick: [02:32] stop trying to make me buy horrible pizzas to embarass me

Steph: [02:33] this is harassment

Steph: [02:33] I'm being harassed

Jason: [02:34] I feel unsafe

Dick: [02:36] Damian do you want pizza?

Steph: [02:37] now he's ignoring us

Jason: [02:38] rude

Dick: [02:41] Damian?

Tim: [02:44] busy

Jason: [02:45] we heard you the first time

Dick: [02:46] has anyone seen Damian tonight?

Steph: [02:48] isn't he patrolling with B?

Jason: [02:49] yeah I saw them a while ago

Dick: [02:53] he's not answering the comms

Steph: [02:55] O says B shut them off

Jason: [02:57] ???why

Tim: [02:58] BUSY

Dick: [02:59] WE KNOW TIM

Steph: [03:01] what happened to the pizza? I'm starving

Jason: [03:02] yeah I want pinapple

Dick: [03:05] I'm trying to find B and Dami

Tim: [03:07] BuSY

Steph: [03:08] WE KNOW

Jason: [03:08] SHUT UP TIM

Dick: [03:08] OH MY GOD TIM WE HEARD YOU

Steph: [03:11] Tim is calling me

Steph: [03:22] Ok yeah he's busy

Jason: [03:23] WE KNOW

Steph: [03:29] no like him and Damian are trying to save B from a death trap

Dick: [03:31] oh

Jason: [03:32] why would he text us in the middle of that?

Steph: [03:34] ohmygod Jason you can't not answer texts

Jason: [03:36] yeah you can

Steph: [03:37] he'd have his teen member card revoked

Steph: [03:39] it's a matter of pride

Dick: [03:41] did he say if they wanted pizza?

Steph: [03:45] yeah one vegetarian and one pinapple

Dick: [03:47] that's it I'm going home

Jason: [03:48] coward

Steph: [03:48] oppressor

-

Damian: [05:26] Did you get my vegetarian pizza?

Damian: [05:27] Grayson?

Damian: [05:28] Where is my Pizza?

-

Tim: [09:27] [gif]

Tim: [09:27] [gif]

Tim: [09:27] [gif]

Tim: [09:27] [gif]

Tim: [09:28] [gif]

Tim: [09:28] [gif]

Tim: [09:28] [gif]

Dick: [09:28] what do you WANT

Tim: [09:29] [gif]

Tim: [09:29] [gif]

Tim: [09:29] [gif]

Jason: [09:30] what the fuck replacement it's sunday let me sleep

Tim: [09:30] [gif]

Tim: [09:31] [gif]

Steph: [09:31] why can't I turn off notifications??!!

Tim: [09:31] [gif]

Tim: [09:31] [gif]

Dick: [09:32] STOP

Tim: [09:32] Oh I'm sorry are you BUSY

[dickiesgrayson]

broke: justice league

woke:

from: batsycosplu and fla_meon

[dickiesgrayson]

you guys know exactly what's gonna happen next

[thebatcreature]

Been working on a costume design for Damian

[collectivefandomstuff]

The time with the nun

Because y’all are relentless (part 2 of this post)

Ok, so Bruce did not, as some assumed, dress up as a nun. That was Tim. Now, the reason why Tim chose to dress as a nun for Halloween can be traced back to July of that year when Tim and Damian got involved in a heated theological discussion wherein Damian firmly told Tim that, as an agnostic, he was barred from dressing as a religious figure. In all honestly the situation was a bit more complicated than that -there was a wheel of cheese involved -but that’s a whole other story so let’s move on. The point is, Tim was dressed as a nun and Bruce was decidedly not. He was, in fact, dressed as a pirate.

Now, Gotham was partying like it was 1999 and the streets were teeming with drunk citizens in costumes of varying sluttiness. The bats were out patrolling in force, trying to keep in contact despite the fact that the lines kept jamming. They thought that this was due to high levels of phone use, but it was actually part of a nefarious scheme the Riddler was operating. But that comes later.

Pirate Batman… Batey? Captain Blackears? Whatever. Batman and Red Robin were teamed up for the evening, with RR patrolling the streets while Batman cruised the seas of the sky, so to speak. The comms had been jammed again (by design, you’ll recall) and B was trying to get O on the line when Riddler struck. Batman had enough time to jump out of the way, snatch up Red Robin and take cover in a nearby building. B had just managed to identify their safe haven as a Museum for model trains and realise (as you likely have as well) that that probably meant they had just walked into a trap, before they were locked in.

Batman took this with his usual grace as a father of five. He swallowed down the urge to bang his head against a wall and focused on Riddler’s voice echoing through the PA-system. There was something about being on the “wrong track” and at least three annoying riddles stuffed into the monologue before Riddler paused.

“Did you bring a nun?!”

Captain Batman rolled his eyes (he had refused the eyepatch because really Dick? You want me to limit my sight on patrol for a costume?), straightened his pirate hat, and turned to Red Robin to share an exasperated look. And also to subtly tell his son to keep up the pretense so Riddler didn’t know he had caught two bats instead of one.

Except it wasn’t his son. It was a very upset woman in her seventies who was clutching a rosary and speaking rapid… portugese?

Anyway, to summarise:

After four hours of weird train-themed traps and riddles -two of whom were solved by the nun -the Riddler was on his way to Arkham once again and a group of visiting nuns, newly reunited with their missing sister, were giving Batman the dressing down of the decade. Because, as B learned that night, nuns fear God, and only God.

They managed to keep the whole thing from becoming a massive political mess but to this day Batman refuses to come within ten miles of the small mountain town that houses that particular monastery. Ra’s figured this out once and set up a base of operations there. B sent Superman to handle it, and now Superman won’t go there either.

[collectivefandomstuff]

Cassie: So, have you decided what you're dressing up as for Halloween yet?

Tim: [on his laptop] Of course. We had a whole day seminar about it last month.

The Titans:

Kon: Jesus. You Bats do everything at 150 percent.

Bart: A whole day? Why on earth would it take that long?

Tim: [looks up] Dressing up in Gotham is... tricky.

Cassie: ...yeah. We're gonna need a bit more than that.

Tim: [sits back]

Tim: 2014. Dick dresses up as Bruce Wayne. He completely disappears into the role because playing Bruce is "funny". He accidentally gets roped into a mid-level meeting at W.E. where he agrees to throw out the 2015 budget.

Cassie: Seriously?

Tim: 2017. Jason decides to piss off Bruce by dressing up as Superman. Since most Gotham citizens haven't really seen Superman, the headlines on November 1st are all about how Superman went on a killing spree and shot three gangleaders.

Kon: [frowning] I don't remember that.

Tim: We killed the story before it reached any further.

Kon: oh. Uh, good.

Tim: 2018. Damian dresses up as Ra's al Ghul. He gets kidnapped from school by the League of Assassins who thinks he's finally embraced his heritage. Before we manage to find him, he convinces them that he is -in fact -a de-aged Ra's. This works, somehow, because he argues that none of them has ever seen Ra's as a child.

Bart: Really?

Tim: There are definitely parts of Ra's organisation that would not have done well on 'Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?'.

Tim: 2012. Bruce dresses up as a figure skater. Mr Freeze attacks the gala he's at and we spend two weeks burying stories about Bruce Wayne -crime fighter on ice.

Gar: What?!

Tim: 2017. While the papers are taking photos of a blood-soaked Superman, Dick beats up Scarecrow while dressed as the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. Spoiler arrives to provide backup and accidentally punches the wrong scarecrow.

Bart: I-

Tim: 2016! Cass dresses up as Hillary Clinton. Her disguise is so good that the papers try to run a story about Hillary drop-kicking a Donald Trump supporter after Cass stopped a robbery where the guy wore a MAGA-hat.

Cassie: [snorts] Why didn't you let them run that one?

Tim: 2019! I dress up as Spoiler and find out that Spoiler has been hooking up with some guy on patrol and no I will NOT talk about the way in which I found out thank you.

Gar: Hold it, you can't just not tell-

Tim: 2013! Dick dresses up as Red Hood. Meanwhile, Jason dresses up as Nightwing. It was not coordinated. Both of their reputations take a massive hit for opposing reasons.

Tim: Also 2013! Damian dresses up as a cat and almost gets adopted by Catwoman.

Tim: 2019! Steph dresses as Batman and spends the night doing TikTok dances in public places. Bruce tried to deport her but you can't kill a legend and you can't deport a myth.

Tim: 2020! Bruce plans a seminar so we can all discuss and approve all costumes. Everyone is in favor. Duke is unanimously appointed as our judge since he has never caused any incidents. Bruce is unanimously disqualified from speaking at all because he has caused at least five international incidents. And seven national ones, not counting the time with the nun.

The Titans:

Kon: Did- did he dress up as nun, or...?

Tim: I don't want to say.

[flaccid-rats]

Bruce Wayne has zoom meetings for WE because he’s not a shitty boss and has the company do remote work when the ‘rona hits and these are some things that have happened during his zoom calls

•there was a cow standing in the back of the office for the whole meeting. Someone asked about it, and Bruce’s answer was ‘my son is afraid my other son is going to eat batcow.’ No one asked any follow up questions

•Dick has climbed in through the window a few times. The first time Bruce asked why and Dick very loudly said ‘I have to stay in shape!’. Bruce has not asked since and continues to let Dick enter through the window

•Damian came running into the office with a live turkey. Bruce paused to say ‘good morning Damian. Good morning Jerry.’ then continued the meeting like nothing happened. Damian left shortly after, but left Jerry

•Cass sits in on his meetings sometimes. She doesn’t say anything, just doodles little pictures for Bruce

•Jason came in, slammed a tray of cookies on the desk, said ‘Alfred said I have to be nice and share’ then walked out

•Alfred the Cat walks across Bruce’s keyboard at least once every meeting, even though Bruce makes sure the cat isn’t in the office before he closes the door. He is starting to suspect the cat knows how to get into the vents

•similarly, Titus makes frequent appearances because he thinks he’s a lap dog. He is not a lap dog

•Tim barges in often and asks ‘can I help you yell at old white men?’ Bruce tells him no every single time

•Tim has also barged in asking ‘if I can give you physical proof that Kon doesn’t have the ‘rona can he come over??’ It is clear they’ve had this argument before

•Bruce once ended a meeting early with the excuse that Alfred the Cat was yelling at Bruce to feed him dinner. Alfred the Cat was sitting in his lap and purring, and it wasn’t even past noon yet

•Alfred has ended meetings early because ‘its dinner time, Master Bruce, and we are going to eat as a family tonight or so help me god’

•at least twice a week Bruce has to physically leave the zoom call because two of his children are fighting

[jasonsthunderthighs]

BIZZARO, IF YOU DIE AGAIN I SWEAR TO THE GODS!

Red Hood and The Outlaws #49 (2016)