(Technically I'm posting this on 7/23, but the stuff I'm talking about is from 7/22, so yeah lol)
Woah, it's been quite a bit since I posted here. My laptop broke. I had to get it fixed, and I was also quite busy. Vacation then summer camp and so yeah...
But I'm back. I have been working out quite a bit lately. Getting back into the swing of it. I have gotten to be a faster runner, and have more endurance now. I also can bench a bit more than I used to, even if it's not a lot. I went to the gym today with my sister, then we got coffee and I drove her to her friend's house. And, I'm not one to complain about being gendered correctly, but she's the only one to do it. I am out to three family members, my mom, my oldest sister, and my younger sister. My younger sister is the only one to gender me correctly in private conversations.
I think my mom is still in denial. I don't think she really accepts who I am. But, she did go out of her way to bring me a pair of swim trunks for our vacation, so maybe it's progress?
I talked my oldest sister, and I told her a bit about how nervous I am to even approach coming out to my father. I said I might try to avoid it entirely, but she said that would be impossible. He acts transphobic to nonbinary people with the whole "you can't use they/them singularly" and stuff like that. It makes my blood boil. Genuinely. And I am not going to bite his ear off about it because no matter how many times I try, he just thinks he's right about everything. I don't think he'd even use neopronouns to address someone, which also makes me extremely angry.
I talked to him a bit about LGBTQIA+ stuff in the past. Mainly just that because I am omni, I am afraid of being targeted, since LGBTQIA+ people are very targeted right now. I try to frame it as that being the only thing I am nervous about, but... I am nervous about trying to be out of the closet in an open space. I really WANTED to go to college and just have my preferred name and pronouns out there for everyone to see, but... I am too scared. I am a coward.
When I was in middle school to halfway through high school, and openly apart of the trans community, I got bullied and I got death threats. I know college is an extremely different place, but I just don't know if I can put myself out there like that. I'm just scared with everything happening.
I haven't been able to get a hair cut, and honestly, I'm a little scared to. It might give me away, so I just put my hair in a braid and try to dress as masculinely as possible.
I am sick of this. I just want to live as me without all these stupid complications. And to make matters worse, I am too scared to even try to work through these complications. Maybe I'll just be stuck here forever.
Cya guys, have a good day/night!