What taking a break from social media really taught me.
I’m just gonna go for it.
recently, roughly 3 months ago, i️ decided to relieve myself of all social media outlets. having read several articles, listened to NPR posts, and generally contemplated my interest in the topic i️ made the plunge.
at first i️ found the silence deafening.
anytime something remotely uncomfortable happened: i was looking to my phone for an escape.
definitely stayed more update-to-date with current events, consisering that i️ couldn’t look at my ex 3rd grade best friends nieces birthday.
it was more than just boredom, i️ found myself starting to care more about what people in my real life thought about...well...everything.
now is probably time to note: i️ am someone who thrives off of the idea of not giving a fuck what anyone thinks.
i’d like to think exploring life with the mindset “what would it be like in their shoes.” helps avoid bias, my observation, anyway back on track we go.
after deciding giving a fuck about how anyone felt about me other than...well...me was NOT going to fly
i️ went back to the drawing board.
why do we look to technology as an escape from uncomfort?
are we purposely desensitizing ourselves from uncomfortable situations in an effort of protection?
i️ began observing the people i️ was around in an effort to try and understand.
i️ noticed myself watching the people around me more than anything else i️ was doing.
if we were watching tv and something funny was said i️ would look to whoever was in the room for a reaction, almost as if to see if whatever we were doing gained their approval.
it was incredible: almost as if not having this virtual cocoon of reactions to my daily life made me feel helpless.
i️ was yearning for attention.
the idea that i️ couldn’t be comfortable on a Friday night smoking a blunt with my roommate, watching a funny sitcom all because i️ cared what his opinion of everything was: drove. me. mad.
it felt like i️ actually cared what someone thought of me for the first time in years.
then i️ realized: i️ always had cared. just like everyone else.
about everything all the time.
our world is so hyper-connected nowadays you can’t drive your car a mile without 4 different people being notified.
as our story comes to an end i️ wish i️ had some sort of moral to give you. even a just a small hack that makes this anecdote less pointless.
this morning i️ had to go on Facebook for something work related.
i️ found myself IMMEADITELY getting sucked in.
there i️ was: lying in bed scrolling through my 4th grade-ex-boyfriends-sisters-baby’s pictures when i️ reached my conclusion.
no i️ don’t give a shit about anyone’s baby or what puppy my childhood babysitter just bought.
but just like every other human being in our society right now i️ can’t help but give a fuck about everything that’s going on all the time. whether it be my anxiety or a mere defense mechanism: i️ give a shit.
we can’t help it. we live in a world where staying up-to-date on EVERYTHING is well...everything.
don’t get me wrong, i️ think this is just about the most pathetic realization i’ve come to within the last few months (other than me supplementing Sims for a real family, but that’s another whole story) but i️ couldn’t find it more true.
as i️ said earlier i️ wish this story had a better ending. something that really grabbed you by the collar and shook ya.
i️ will say, after 2 and half hours of scrolling: i️ deleted the Facebook app again.
while i️ couldn’t change society’s predisposition to caring about EVERYTHING all the time.
(i️ truly believe you can’t spread awareness on the subject via social media)
i️ could attempt to change my predisposition to giving a shit about anything other than what i️ want to.
so i️ sit here typing this realizing while i’ve felt lonelier in the past few months than i️ ever have. i’m finally learning to not give a fuck.
forgetting people you’ve met once at a party, twice at rando family events, or maybe just an old ex you swore you didn’t care about (you lied). feels fucking amazing.
i️ highly recommend removing anyone who you haven’t physically seen in real life in 5 years or more from your feed. it’s truly eye opening.
back to the learning a lesson bullshit, as i’ve stated, no real jump-off-a-cliff moment here. just a story about a girl who realizes everyone gives a fuck and that’s ok.
if you didn’t enjoy this: fuck off.
if you did: thanks, try it for yourself and let me know how it goes.
or don’t, it’s up to you.
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