In which Harry has it all in life but he can’t find a meaning for life.
Warnings: slight use of drugs and alcohol.
Harry has no reason to complain, he honestly thought so himself. He got a beautiful and supportive girlfriend, group of good and close friends, successful parents and without being too narcissistic he was quite sure he looked better than the average twenty year old, but still somehow something was missing in his life.
For a while he couldn’t put his finger on it, he kept searching for a meaning, for a purpose to wake up in the morning, and he felt like such an ungrateful son of a bitch for not being satisfied with what he’s got.
Well he wouldn’t exactly describe it as ungrateful, because he is feeling blessed every morning to wake up to this world he got and to the people that surrounds him, but Harry doesn’t settle for feeling blessed, he wishes to feel alive.
Y/N was pretty much the opposite from Harry but at the same time all alike him, maybe that’s why Harry liked her so much.
She didn’t got it all figured out, she never were in a serious relationship so the concept of love to her is only something she loves to read about, she only got two friends which one of them is Harry so she doesn’t really know if that counts, and her parents are supporting but quite disappointed at what they and her brother like to call “the edgy-trying to find my place in the world act”, but Y/N wasn’t acting, she just truly tries to understand the meaning of life for her.
It was only days ago she and Harry were sitting at the balcony of his old fashioned London flat and talking about those deep thoughts while sharing a bottle of red wine,
“I don’t want to sound like an ass, but I feel like I’m bigger than this shit” Harry spoke truthfully, Y/N was the only person who he felt safe enough to talk like this, she was his blanket, hugging him every time he felt cold and he really wished he could carry her anywhere.
“Always had a feeling you’re big H but it’s inappropriate” Y/N said with a smirk on her face locking eyes with Harry and he immediately laughed at her stupid mind,
“Oh so you’ve thought about my size before huh?” Harry really wanted to keep it serious but he couldn’t do so and flashed Y/N with his captivating dimples.
“But now seriously, I’m learning Econ because my parents insisted so damn much that one day I will be the CEO of my dad’s company but that’s not me Y/N, I want to travel the world, I want to see art, I want to explore” Harry talked with passion in his eyes, only Y/N knew this stuff about him and she is the only one who notices the shine in his eyes when he does or talks about something he truly loves, that made her feel special to him. and the thought of Y/N being special to Harry made her feel all warm inside,despite the fact that they were sitting on a balcony on a London’s cold autumn night.
“You should wake up in the morning and feel alive, and if Econ doesn’t make you feel alive, then fuck Econ” Y/N said so simply, Harry almost believed her that it was that easy to her, but then he remembered that Y/N didn’t got that figured out herself as well, and instead of feeling comforted by that he felt kind of sad, turns out he just really wanted Y/N to feel alive herself.
It was three days ago, maybe two, Harry can’t quite tell, his mind been working nonstop ever since.
He tries to look back, he honestly tries to figure out the moments that made him feel most alive and that made him remember the first day he met Y/N.
Y/N wasn’t sure what she saw was real, I mean she must be delusional right?
The notorious Harry Styles sitting in the university library reading “The Great Gatsby”, that can’t be true.
So Y/N decided to approach him, moving her feet against the dark wooden floor slowly until she reaches to the corner of his desk.
“Yes?” Harry raised his head from the book he got lost in, pretty annoyed that someone interrupted him.
Y/N realized she probably looked stupid standing there and staring at him.
“Are you reading “The Great Gatsby” ?” She asked and felt even dumber after that, of course he does it’s says so on the cover!, she thought to herself.
“Reading this for the hundredth time probably” Harry muttered to the girl he doesn’t know, and with that Y/N gives herself an invitation, so she sat on the wooden chair, hearing it squeak against the wooden floor and stars rambling.
“Well Harry Styles you and I have more in common then i thought” she started talking but Harry cuts her, not understanding who is this odd, random girl who suddenly started talking to him,
“Who are you?” Y/N saw Harry’s eyebrows lifting up and his whole face changed an expression from how confused he has been, and again she felt silly,
“Oh sorry, I’m Y/N Y/L/N, I’m a literature major”
They talked for hours, about one book and the other, and suddenly Harry caught himself opening up to this girl he just met at the library. Sharing his dreams, passions , hopes and disappointments. Y/N was everything he wished to be, she was free while he was locked down, but he was kind of sure she was the key to his prison.
“I’m starving let’s get something to eat” Y/N moaned while she felt her stomach becoming one with her back, and Harry was craving something to eat as well so he really couldn’t say no.
As soon as they opened the door to the small delicatessen, the wonderful smell reached their noses, it was so good their mouths were starting to water.
A sound of moan was leaving Y/N’s mouth once again.
“I swear to god I can eat this whole place”, Y/N said and Harry laughs at her words.
“choose whatever you like love” Y/N’s body felt warm with the pet name Harry gave her she could definitely get used to it, but for now she was ready to eat all of the delicious pastries in front of her. In the meanwhile Harry looked at Y/N’s face and smiled at her sight, she looked like a little girl at a candy shop and he adores it.
“Allow me to pay” he said as they reached the cashier, “oh you’re so formal Mr. Styles” Y/N says with a little bit of flirtation, she already likes messing with him.
“C’mon I’m serious” he smiled at her, the name Mr. styles sounded nice coming out of her lips.
“Didn’t you understand already that I hate all these social norms” Harry knew that, even after knowing her for a few hours, but it wasn’t like that, he just truly thought he owned her for sharing with him her beautiful soul.
Y/N was determined so eventually Harry gave up and let her pay her half.
Y/N convinced him to take their ‘lunch’ to the park, she told him that it would be so nice to eat on the grass with the fresh air, but she soon learned she was wrong.
It wasn’t a day to go to the park and Harry knew that, but Y/N was so insistent and at this point Harry realized that he can’t say no to her.
The sky were gray and clouds were everywhere,
“Y/N I think it’s going to rain” Harry told her while they lied on the grass after they finished eating,
“Stop worrying it will be fine” she said peacefully and continued to talk to him about every little thing that pops in her mind.
Harry thinks Y/N has the most amazing mind a person could probably have, she thought about everything so deeply, she expressed humans feelings and desires in the most beautiful way possible, she excepted people who were different from her even if she couldn’t understand them. To Harry Y/N was an angel in the shape of a human.
Small drops of rain cut Y/N’s and Harry’s thoughts,
“Okay you might be right” Y/N sat and laughed a bit while Harry told her “you think so?”. And before they know it the small drops went to a fully hard rain that got them running for a shelter without any umbrellas.
Harry will never forget this day, when he met Y/N he felt so complete.
He wasn’t certain what was it about Y/N that made him feel this way, but he adored her for it.
The memories of their moments won’t stop, since Harry now remembering a funny day the two of them had.
Once again they were sitting on Harry’s balcony, it was probably their favorite place.
Y/N was passing Harry the joint she just smoked from, and Harry gladly took it from her delicate fingers.
He inhaled the weeds mixed with tobacco, feeling it fills his lungs, and exhale the smoke.
“It’s nice, smoking with you” Y/N looked at Harry with a smile on her face. She truly loved seeing him like this, all she ever wished was for him to be relaxed and free, and on a rare occasions like this one, he might actually be calm.
“Why’s that?” Harry’s face turns to her, returning a smile back to her face.
“It’s just nice seeing you free, I wish you could be like that all the time” Harry glanced at the way Y/N looked at him and he noticed something in her eyes. He decided to ignore that, she just cares for him since he’s her friend, there is no need to make this a big of a deal.
“Well I really wish that too, but I guess I only feel this free with you” Harry truly meant this, and he knew Y/N wouldn’t judge him for saying that, she understood him deeper than he understands himself. But when he started to hear Y/N’s lovely laugh, his heart almost fell to his pants.
“What are you laughing at?” He looks at her with frightened look, terrified from her answer.
“It sounds like a rhyme” Y/N says while laughing and Harry’s heart went back to beating normal. As much as normal as it could be around Y/N.
After they finished their smoke Y/N insisted on shopping, but Harry really didn’t thought it was a good idea.
“Y/N we’re stoned” Harry looked at her while laughing, he really couldn’t help himself, she was giving him the pappy eyes.
“C’monnnn” Y/N dragged the ‘n’ laughing along with Harry, ״it will be so much fun H”
Y/N looks at him like a little girl who hates not getting what she wants, and in fact she probably was.
Before he knew it Harry was with Y/N in Some vintage store trying funny hats and getting nasty glances from people, but he didn’t mind it, because he was with Y/N laughing like there is no tomorrow, and he couldn’t be happier.
“You have to get this!” Y/N jumped laughing at the sight in front of her, Harry was wearing a fur Russian hat and Y/N looked like at him this is the most amusing thing she ever saw.
“I’ll buy this for you on Christmas” he smirked at her silly face, but then a buzz on his pocket interrupted him and he is pulled out his phone from his pocket to be received with the name of his girlfriend on his lock screen.
“Hey” Harry answered the call, part of him was disappointed that she interrupted his time with Y/N, but he couldn’t feel this way it’s not how it’s supposed to be.
“Baby where are you? We need to go to Nicole’s birthday, don’t tell me you forgot” he heard the voice of his lovely girlfriend but still thinking it’s not as lovely as Y/N’s.
He was having such a great time with Y/N he forgot about making plans with his girlfriend, that makes him feel like an asshole, especially because he would rather stay with Y/N than being with his girlfriend right now.
“I’m on my way” he tells her and ends the call.
It was a week later that Harry kissed Y/N.
He couldn’t explain the desire that burned inside of him. He never felt that way before, he felt wild and free along with lost and pathetic.
Y/N’s lips felt like reading a new book, exciting yet familiar.
In the few moments he had before she pushed him from her body he exploded as much as he could. With his tongue he tasted the bitterness from the beer she just drank, and even like that she was sweeter than anything he ever known.
With his hands he learned the angles of her body, he learned her shape and he wished he could dedicate his entire life to study her.
She was everything and nothing to him all along.
Y/N would lie if she told herself she didn’t enjoy from this moment.
Harry’s lips on her felt like just another one of her daydreams. She could feel he waited for this moment, he was burning with passion for her that could’ve came out roughly but he made sure it was gentle enough so she could notice his feelings while their lips moved.
As much as she like to continue this pleasure she knew better than that, and so does Harry he just was intoxicated with her lips so he didn’t realized.
“H” Y/N mumbled through the kiss, pushing Harry from her own figure so she could look into his eyes.
Harry didn’t expect that this will be the words that will come out from Y/N’s mouth. If anything he expected her to tell him this is weird, wrong, that he is her best friend and she never looked at him this way.
So you can only imagine his surprise when he found out that Y/N wasn’t concerned about the fact that his lips were on hers, he dared to think she might even like it and that thought sent Harry to the moon.
Harry knew it was wrong kissing her while he has a girlfriend, but it is the more real and right thing he ever felt his his life, and as much as the guilt knocks on his door, the passion won’t let it in.
“I’ll worry about it’s tomorrow, tonight I just want to feel alive”
And with these words Harry lips were once again on Y/N’s, only this time she didn’t push him away.
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