dead or alive

I am—yet what I am none cares or knows; My friends forsake me like a memory lost: I am the self-consumer of my woes— They rise and vanish in oblivious host, Like shadows in love’s frenzied stifled throes And yet I am, and live …

[deadcralive]

INTRO: Holly Hudson

rachel hilson, queer, female + she/her ― hey look, it’s hollyhudson! they’re 21 years old, they’ve lived in shrike heights for her whole life, and they’re currently working at lapaws. i heard they’re pretty naive, but i think they’re so determined at the same time. can they make it out alive?

Holly was raised on the commune at the outskirts of Shrike Heights, among a handful of siblings. Growing up, she always enjoyed working with the animals, and found she connected better with them than the people.

As she got older, she grew restless in the commune and wanted to go beyond it, despite the expectation from her family that she stay.

Holly is living in the town on a rumspringa of sorts, taking classes at Shrike University on biology in hopes of earning enough credits to transfer to CSU's veterinary program down in Fort Collins. However, she's having to save money for that with her part-time job at LaPaws, and she volunteers on the weekends at the local shelter.

Since she grew up so sheltered by the commune, she can be out of touch and naive about the harsher realities of life outside the commune. She struggles to fathom the reality of killers on the loose in what she always considered such a safe place.

Holly tends to go for the things that she wants, and doesn't care much what people think of it. She wants to get out of Shrikes Heights, as soon as she can, but reality has other ideas for her.

[out-ofhell]

"My apartment," he said dryly, simultaneously having not thought through the plan and offended that she would suggest that he hadn't thought through the plan. "I assumed if you had snakes you'd have terrariums." She was judging him, he knew it, and he was defensive.

[deadcralive]

"Well. Okay. You're right there. But that's a lucky guess." She had a feeling it had nothing to do with Damien being well versed in snake care. "What about ball pythons? They're not too big, pretty easy care. Nonvenomous. Great for a beginner."

[alma-andrada]

Location: Alma’s Car

Tagging: @deadcralive​

“Days like today, I can totally understand how Superman is weak as fuck without some solid sunlight.”Alma’s eyes were still closed as she sat back in her chair, her car parked in a corner of the top floor of the mall parking lot. They had plans to catch a movie in a few hours but Alma was in desperate need of a moment of stillness and a quick moment to close her eyes before continuing for the day. The sun was out despite the cold and she had asked Holly if it was okay if they just..sat for a bit before getting food and seeing the movie. Alma’s jobs had all been demanding of her this week. Late shifts, covering shifts, shifts full of assholes at every turn. she was exhausted but unable to afford any kind of breakdown so catching sun rays through her car window served as the best therapy at the moment. “In your professional opinion, do you really think a pet could make my life better right now or would i just be putting more pressure on myself.”

[deadcralive]

Holly cracked an eye open, squinting against the sudden rush of bright light to look over at Alma. "I ask myself that a lot, too," she admitted. "Future veterinarian hopeful, but I'm too scared to mess it up with a real pet. What's that say?" She rubbed her eyes, glancing at the clock, relieved they still had a little more time before they necessarily had to do anything. Life on the outside of the commune was exhausting, and while she was determined to make it all work, juggling school, work, and not being close with anyone was taking a toll.

"I think you'd be good at it, though," she continued. "You work hard, you care. And a cat wouldn't care if you had to work late sometimes. It would probably thank you for it."

[rheariplcy]

"Got 'em!" Iris cheered as she finally grasped Holly's keys, fishing them out from under the car. She presented the keys to Holly and gave a tiny shrug as she sat up a little straighter. "You don't look like a crazy axe murderer," Iris said easily, "Like, I dunno, how's this any different than someone putting an ad out in the paper?"

[deadcralive]

Holly let out a relieved sigh, taking back her keys and pressing the cold metal tight against her palm, as though they'd come to life and make some great escape again.

"Is it the the height?" she chuckled, bouncing a little on her toes to emphasize her short stature. "I hear short people can be axe murders too, but... you're right. I'm not the type, and you don't seem to be either." Plus, Holly really, really needed a new place to crash. "Could I... maybe swing by this weekend?"

[out-ofhell]

He thought about her question, but truthfully, he had no idea if his car would even make it to work half the time. He had nightmares about it breaking down, but so far, it hadn't actually given out on him. "I'm gonna guess it won't go much farther than the Springs." He then added quietly, "If that."

As for type of snake... "Fuck if I know the difference between types," he said. "I was hoping that you'd be the expert on that. I'm thinking non-venomous? But I'm not married to that."

[deadcralive]

"You showed up to buy a snake, knowing nothing about them, and you're not married to it being non-venomous?" Holly raised an eyebrow, but her lips were pressed together in a way that betrayed the urge to laugh. "Do you have anywhere to keep your snake?" She was never one to deny someone animal companionship who seemed willing and capable, but she wasn't about to let someone take this on completely unprepared, either, if she could help it.

[urdamage]

there really was no ability to ignore the commune from anywhere in shrike heights . they were such a vital part of the town's functioning , such brilliant providers and absolute assets for the small town . most of the issues with this fact were typically found when the commune members were at times unable to escape certain residents with harsh opinions on their members and their lifestyles , but it also made it easy to find yourself in an awkward position if you had a relationship with the commune like holly did . leaf understood that there was something uncomfortable there , and they tried their best to simply make their interactions with holly as comfortable and as friendly as possible , despite that .

" good day to you , holly . " he greeted , speaking in a way he mightn't have usually , acting more cordial , but only because he was in character for cupid's . " i'm just waiting to get my next lot of deliveries . " he told her , putting one of his rats on his shoulder as they squirmed in his pocket , holding the other safely in his other hand as he had been doing so upon walking into the store . " so i thought i'd come in and see if you have anything new or exciting bert and ernie might like ? "

[deadcralive]

Holly pursed her lips, not knowing what she'd expected, exactly. But Leaf seemed, more or less, his usual self. At least, as usual as she understood him to be, and on the surface he didn't seem to feel the awkwardness threatening to swallow Holly whole. Clearing her throat, she nodded and gestured to the small animals section near the back of the store. "We got a new type of wheel in, it's extra large so maybe they could share the wheel. Not that small wheels seem to stop most hamsters." She tried to share a knowing smile with him, though, in truth, she had no clue how Bert and Ernie behaved.

[rheariplcy]

Iris furrowed her brows as she released the other woman's pinky and ducked her head down under the car, listening carefully to what she had to say. "You're kidding?" Iris mumbled from under the car, reaching blinding around for the keys. She couldn't imagine living alone, especially not in a place like Shrike Heights – Iris felt like she'd just be on edge all the time. "Well, my roomie Alie and I are actually looking for another person to fill our apartment," Iris explained and then began to babble "At the total risk of being a way crazy stranger and offering that up – like not in a 'grr I'm a super scary girl in a parking lot' but more in an 'if you wanna meet up in broad daylight to check the place out' way."

[deadcralive]

Holly blinked, wondering for a second if she was joking. It seemed a little too good to be true, but... was it so unreasonable? People were looking for roommates, right? Her hand paused in the search for her keys. "You're-- being serious? You barely know me either." The thought was so appealing, though. Anything was a better living situation than her current one.

[out-ofhell]

"It's all part of living the good life," he said. "Just, you know, if you have to sign off on my paperwork to adopt my new scaley son, just look the other way when you see me writing that I have reliable transportation. He'll obviously have... you know... ssswimming lessons." He rarely expected other people to be entertained by his stupid jokes.

[deadcralive]

Holly chuckled under her breath, amused. "As long as you turn your head when I tell my boss the same thing." Of course, she had a backup plan in the likely case her car failed, then a backup plan for the backup plan, but still. She wasn't about to be forthcoming about it with management.

She shuffled through some papers in a drawer behind the counter, then withdrew a scribbled list of store names and phone numbers all down the front range, from as far north as Cheyenne down to Durango. "Just how far, exactly, do you think your car will make it?" she asked, wondering just how far was out of reach. "And what kind of snake are you looking for?"

[rheariplcy]

"You're not holding me up," Iris insisted shaking her head. "And it's cold and dark, and I don't know about you, but with all the creeps in town I wouldn't feel so good about letting anyone be alone out here," She reminded the other woman of the seemingly imminent threat. Not that she wanted to give the killers any sort of credence for any premeditated behavior, but if she could take away an opportunity she'd do it. Iris held out a pinky to the other woman and murmured, "Swear it's no big."

[deadcralive]

That, she couldn't argue with. She took the pinky hesitantly, squeezed it once, then glanced back under the car again to try to get sight of her keys. "That's fair. It's made living alone... well, a bit of a nightmare, really." Though she had been fortunate enough to not have had any direct experiences with the cast of killers, it still put her on edge enough to check her locks several times over before she went to sleep each night. "I'm trying to find a roommate so I don't have to be alone after dark anymore."And to save some money, but there could be two benefits.

[horrorbxby]

cordelia  definitely  wasn’t  expecting  that  to  be  brought  up,  but  it  wasn’t  exactly  unwelcome.  it  was  a  bittersweet  subject,  but  one  that  she’d  had  plenty  of  time  to  come  to  terms  with.  she  could  talk  about  it  now  without  that  panicky  feeling  in  her  chest.  “ yeah,  i  lived  in  denver  for  two  whole  years.  i  went  to  college  there.  i  don’t  know  how  much  you  were  told.  but  i  had  an  accident  and  had  to  come  home.  once  i  got  better  i  got  out  again.  i  played  baseball  for  a  team  in  chicago,  big  leagues.  but  that  didn’t  last  very  long, ”  she’d  made  it  out  not  just  once,  but  twice.  she  doubted  she’d  ever  have  that  chance  again.  “ i  think  it  was  good  to  see  some  of  the  world  outside  of  shrike.  meet  different  people  and  everything.  but  shrike  is  getting  bigger  now,  so  it’s  not  like  you  can  stay  completely  sheltered  here. ”  there  were  constant  influxes  of  new  residents  and  visitors  since  the  malls  opening,  not  to  mention  the  increase  in  tourism  around  the  winter-time.  “ but  if  it’s  what  you  want,  i  say  go  for  it.  it  didn’t  work  out  for  me,  probably  because  it  wasn’t  meant  to  be.  that’s  something  i’ve  learned  to  live  with.  why  do  you  want  out  so  badly ?  is  it  because  of  the  recent  events ? ”

[deadcralive]

An accident. Holly's eyes widened slightly, immediately feeling guilty for bringing it up. No wonder it wasn't something she mentioned often. "Oh-- oh no, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't mean to..." She trailed off, knowing that if there was damage to be had, it was done already, but she'd probably be fixated on it all night. "I want out because..." Why exactly did she want out so badly? It was simply always something she'd wanted, something she'd been thinking about for so long, it was simply a part of her. "Because I feel like there's more I want to do than what my family wants for me. I can't accomplish those things here." She hadn't told anyone who worked here yet that she'd come from the commune, but there was a part of her now that wanted Cordelia to know.

[boomboxbabe]

it's no surprise that ryan often existed in her own world, frequenting the vinyl store whenever she had a spare moment. it's where she wished to work originally but showtime has been good to her as well. films and music were two of the biggest influences in her life, the reason she even made it this far without absolutely losing it first.

like clockwork, she was walking through the entrance of tracks and offering a wave to whoever was behind the counter today. nearly everyone knew who she was by now, that's how much she would come in here searching for further albums to add to her collection.

fingers scanning through her favorite section, seeing if anything new had come in lately from the last time she was here. immediately her eyes were drawn to a david bowie album. more in specific, it held one of her favorite songs moonage daydream and the memories immediately came flooding back in.

it was winter, a night when the temperatures were below freezing and her girlfriend at the time was so excited to show her this particular album. she can see still hear how loud the music was coming through the vinyl, the way her girlfriend looked against the firewood burning in the fireplace. those times were simple, she missed them but it wasn't her life anymore. hearing the voice of the other, ryan quickly pulled back from the memory with a small laugh.

"oh, yeah yeah! david bowie is a legend."

[deadcralive]

David Bowie. It didn't ring a bell, but then again, Holly's musical repertoire ended somewhere in the early seventies, per her parents' tastes, and it wasn't like the commune was particularly connected to the fast-moving culture of the outside world. There had been a massive learning curve since she'd left, especially in trying to relate to her classmates at the college, where she'd spent many conversations feeling on the outside about pop culture. She shook her head, disappointed in herself for, yet again, not understanding. "Doesn't ring a bell. I'm sorry." Her tone was apologetic, and a small crease was forming between her brows. "Can I see it? Should I get it?" she asked, trying to glance as casually at the price sticker as she could. On one hand, she was on a budget. On the other hand, not being able to relate at all to her peers was getting to be severely isolating, and she couldn't help it-- she wanted to fit in.

[bodhi-foster]

@deadcralive

location: shrike grocers

Grocery shopping. Was there anything worse? Maybe grocery shopping on what seemed to be the busiest day of the fucking year, maybe that was worse. "Are you going to stare at the bananas any longer? Or can I grab a bunch?" Bodhi asked, frustrated, because this was taking way too long and for some reason it felt like it was a hundred degrees in this store.

[deadcralive]

Holly blinked, then stepped aside, stammering out an apology under her breath. She'd been doing the mental math on how many bananas she could afford to still have enough left over for some bread, eggs, and rice. Payday wasn't until the end of the week, and she was feeling the stretch. It was yet another thing she'd never had to learn to do on the commune-- budget. Food was shared freely. "Didn't mean to be a problem. Sorry. Did they get more expensive?" She gestured to the sign.

[out-ofhell]

He considered that. He could actually catch his own. And wouldn't that be even more badass?

Then again, he didn't want to take a wild creature and put it in a cage in his shitty apartment. As badass as it would be, he did have a heart.

"Yeah, sure," he said. "I'm willing to travel for this. Gotta show my new snake Fluffy that I care. As long as my car doesn't give out between here and there."

[deadcralive]

Holly laughed dryly, nodding in agreement. She closed the lid of the hamster cage, and gestured for the boy to follow her to the counter. "I know the feeling. My car barely makes it to work and back." She'd gotten it for dirt cheap, a car with a number scribbled into a "FOR SALE" sign on the side of her apartment's road. While it had been a beneficial purchase, it sure as hell drove as though the engine might cough out its last at any moment, half the window cranks were broken, and it smelled vaguely like lingering cigarette smoke no matter what she did to it.

[rheariplcy]

Iris was always grateful to get off shift after switching through boring mixtape after boring mixtape. She just needed to find new material, but it was the chart toppers, and, well, the audience's demands always outweighed the enjoyment of a poor disc jockey. What she didn’t like about getting off work, was the abhorrently cold Colorado air and the slick parking lot. Carefully as she could she tread through the ice, thanking her New England upbringing for preparing her at least a little for the slick ground. Others...not so much.

Iris hissed out a sigh and flinched back as she watched the woman ahead of her in the parking lot hit the ice. Yikes. Careful to avoid the patch of black ice the other woman had slid on she made her way over to the car. "I can help you get them," Iris offered, moving to crock down, "Are you okay, though? That looked like it was pretty hard?"

[deadcralive]

"Fine," Holly choked out, positively humiliated now that the fall was an obviously hard one. Already her hip stung as feeling returned, it would almost certainly leave a good sized bruise. She sat up a little further, the cold ice melting into dark patches on her jeans. "No, you don't have to help," she insisted quickly. "I'm fine, really. Don't want to hold you up." She offered her a smile, the kind she'd used a lot lately, not wanting to step on any toes in Shrike Heights when it felt like she already didn't belong here. In the commune, she'd accept the help without a second thought. Here, she was quickly learning people weren't always so kind, or if they seemed to be, so well-intentioned.

[deadcralive]

Holly & Cordelia

Loc: LaPaws

"Someone told me you got out for a while," Holly blurted mid-shift. It was just the two of them, the post-holiday slump hitting the mall hard, and leaving them to tend a mostly vacant store for the morning. It was too late now to take it back, but she'd been dying of curiosity since one of their coworkers mentioned that Cordelia had left Shrike Heights for a time to study. Just like Holly wanted to do. She cleared her throat, as if to excuse the boldness, but pressed on. "I mean-- you don't have to tell me, but... I think I want that too. To leave. Was it worth it?" @horrorbxby

[deadcralive]

Holly & Ryan

Loc: Tracks

Holly rarely allowed herself anything but the basics. Growing up on the commune, that was what was natural-- anything but what met the general needs of the individual was a shared commodity.

However, it meant that once she'd moved into town, into her own studio apartment, there wasn't a community to share those nicer things with. While she didn't mind most of the time (what more did she need?), there was one thing she missed: the record player. Especially in the dark of winter, when the sun started to disappear behind the mountains by 4 o'clock, she found herself longing for cozy nights by fires with her family and some records replaying the biggest hippie hits from the sixties and many members sharing memories from the summer of love. She'd been keeping an eye out since September, even going as far as leaving her number with the thrift store to call her if they got a record player in. A couple of times, she'd even driven to some of the neighboring towns to scope out their thrift stores, with no luck. Only last week, two days after Christmas, did she get the phone call: someone had donated a record player. The plinth was tarnished with age, and the arm looked like it had seen far better days, but with some cursory testing on a thrift store record it seemed to play just fine. She'd picked up a few vinyls from the thrift store with her purchase, and while the buyers guilt was eating her alive as her vet school piggy bank glared down from her at the shelf, she found herself at Tracks anyways, searching for a familiar album that might fill the loneliness. She missed home, but she'd never, ever confess to it. Someone was rifling through albums beside her, and she couldn't help but glance over in curiosity-- this girl seemed to know exactly what she was doing, at home among the boxes and boxes of vinyls. "Is that any good?" she asked when she pulled one up to examine it. Maybe she didn't need something old at all. Maybe she needed something new.

@panicxroom

[out-ofhell]

"Right, hamsters, the cousin of the snake," he said sarcastically, tapping the counter as he leaned on it, just as he would do at A New Chapter. "I guess I could go for a hamster. I don't know. I really wanted reptile. Lizards? Do you have lizards?"

[deadcralive]

"No, no lizards. This is Shrike Heights, you'd probably have to go down the mountain to find one of those." The thought did, admittedly, intrigue her. She'd only ever cared for the standard fare of house pets between LaPaws and the Shrike animal shelter, then a handful of farm animals on the commune growing up. No snakes up here, except ones that needed to be given a healthy amount of space and respect. "I might be able to call around to some pet stores on the front range, if you want? We keep a list of their numbers in the back."