ajweasley32

marauders era. that’s it. and they were all queers.

[deadlysiriusmylove]

PLEASE get the goalie helmets painted for season 2 I beg

[deadlysiriusmylove]

If someone maybe wanted to write an AO3 oneshot of Shane and Ilya introducing their child to the Cens for the first time—with Shane and his very long list of rules sent out in advance—I absolutely would not be opposed to reading 👀

[deadlysiriusmylove]

November 3, 1997

——

Remus walked for hours. Trudging uphill through bushels of dark forest, light slowly changing from the yellows and pinks of dusk to the dark blues and violets of the night sky. He’d walk upwards for another hour, already having been climbing up the rocky gravel roads that twisted up the mountain for two.

He did this last year. same date. same time. Same colors in the sky. Same destination. Same feeling, weight in his step, coat tightening around his waist, and backpack on his shoulders. Alone.

Reaching the clearing, Remus stopped. The moon and stars were the only things left in the sky, sun having ran away not long ago. Remus rolled out a blanket from the pack, setting it on the ground.

“They say with time, things are supposed to get easier. That’s never been the case with us though, has it Sirius?” Remus sighed. “No, it hasn’t.” He answered his own question. Because Sirius wasn’t here. Sirius hasn’t physically been here for quite some time. And so, Remus looks up, just like last year, because from this view, Remus can look up and see a part of Sirius. Because from this view, even if Sirius isn’t with his, Sirius is here, and he can see him perfectly. His Sirius.

“Happy birthday, darling,”

[deadlysiriusmylove]

Sirius had always been fully convinced the concept of love was a disease. With the way his mother and father bickered, he truly believed they were both infected by a sickness that had cultivated over time, dark bags destroying the light in their eyes, ice setting a chill to their skin. Sirius had always been fully convinced that love destroyed them, took their lives. Sirius believed that was why Walburga and Orion showed little love to him and his brother. Sirius, just a child who tried to see good in everything, believed his parents did those awful things to him and his brother because they were trying to protect them from the illness that was love.

But then remus came along, infecting him like a person sick with plague. And then suddenly, he couldn’t figure out why his parents would keep love from him, because sirius would so willingly die for this sickness. Sirius would let his throat swell, suffocating himself if it meant he was able to have remus. sirius would let his skin turn icy if it meant he got to hold remus one more time. he would die for this love a million times over because he had remus, and that was life enough.

[deadlysiriusmylove]

regulus was a smart boy, and so it was no surprise that regulus knew he wasn’t meant to survive destroying the horcrux. regulus knew from the moment his breath caught in the dark cave, nothing but the feeling piercing icicles prodding at his lungs. he knew the moment the first cold hand wrapped around his ankles, regulus knew that is what death felt like. but regulus knows this isn’t a loss. knows his mother will die with him, his father gone at the loss of regulus’ life. regulus knows they will not win this war, knows that no one will. but most importantly, he knows this will end them. no heir, no name, nothing. knows walburga and orion black are arrogant, and that will cause their deaths. and regulus could not give a fuck.

if anything, with hands grabbing at his arms and throat and eyes, if anything, regulus laughs. laughter only to be silenced in the body of water surrounding him. but it wasn’t for anyone to hear. regulus laughs for himself, because he fucking deserves it. because he won. they lost. and they will lose. no one will win but dammit, they will lose more. and that is exactly what they deserve.

[deadlysiriusmylove]

sirius is dead and remus wraps himself in the blankets he slept in and the jackets/sweaters he wore. sirius is dead and remus hopes that the smell on sirius’ leather jacket never fades, because that’s all he has left of him. just a smell. and he can’t lose that too.

sirius is dead and eventually that smell fades, and remus knows. he’s known for a while that it was nearly gone, mixing with the scents he himself carried until they were nothing more but of figment of his memory and imagination.

sirius is dead, but remus will never forget what he smelt like. and somehow, that brings different versions of that hurt and different waves of that comfort because it’s still a part of sirius, the one he once had. the one he can no longer hold… and so. remus hold onto that smell. he grips it like a lifeline because maybe it is. remus knows that when that smell is taken from him by the dark omen of death, he will go with it. and remus hopes, in the afterlife that sirius smells the exact same, and hopes he can hold him, pushing his nose into sirius’ neck, and know that he always had a part of him.

sirius is gone, but remus convinces himself that he’s not completely gone. he cannot do that again.

[deadlysiriusmylove]

remus was let into hogwarts not because dumbledore saw something in him, but because he made dumbledores chess pieces come to life. he was just another pawn in dumbledores game.

[deadlysiriusmylove]

not once in the proverbs i heard

or the devotions i read

had i experienced words that

claimed i’d be wrong for who i was.

not once had words been written to say

women could not love women

man love a man

lover of many

or one who does love another at all.

not once did i read

gender was set in stone

an unchangeable purpose were assigned in life.

gender is not sex

and for you to say “god told me it was”

makes you the sinner, not me.

exodus 20:16

proverbs 6:12 - 13

lying is a sin

you are the liar.

you. are. the. sinner.

[deadlysiriusmylove]

“black blood runs deep, and you have no idea how much of it i’ve bled.”

- the black brothers

[deadlysiriusmylove]

RELIGIOUS TRAUMA WARNING

you can put me in tights

and make me beg of forgiveness.

you can bruise my knees with

the weight of kneeling,

and force beads into my hand each night.

you can feed me wine you claim

as blood and bread as body,

but that will not cleanse me

of the sins you say i contain.

you cannot change me,

believe me i’ve tried with each prayer

and every breath, but it is simply

ignorant to think either of us

are capable of fixing me.

maybe, i just don’t need fixing.

stop pulling at my hair and

scraping my teeth.

stop stretching my shoulders back

because i cannot breathe with my

ribcage so stretched.

stop trying to change me,

because you cannot.

[deadlysiriusmylove]

remus and sirius had matching earrings. remus’ were gold, sirius’ were silver. no one can argue

[anydaynowany]

Are you “enemies to lovers” fucked up or “found family” fucked up?

[threeamserif]

Yes

[deadlysiriusmylove]

no for sure ofc

[deadlysiriusmylove]

now, ik i’m arrogant and a sirius black kinnie, however i have a much different head cannon about the prank.

in my mind, sirius had told regulus about remus some young summer without realizing how big of a deal it could be. i mean, come on, regulus was his brother. he’d keep remus’ secret if sirius had asked him to.

before the prank, in years 4 and 5, sirius had honestly forgotten that he’d told regulus, but when sirius heard what happened, that snape had been an almost victim, sirius knew. he knew it had been regulus who told snape, probably as some sort of payback or cruel joke. and whether regulus admitted it or not, regulus was sirius’ brother, his little brother. and so sirius took the fall. he took the fall for his brother blindly and without hesitation. no turning back. so when remus compared him to his heritage, sirius, by no means was expecting it. and sirius, by no means, had ever been hurt more before…

[deadlysiriusmylove]

nah cause imagine 21- TWENTY ONE year old james and lily finding out they were being hunted because of their son. imagine how afraid these two, just breaching being “of age”, parents were. suddenly one day told that soon they’d likely have to stop what they just started, their lives…

[deadlysiriusmylove]

friendly reminder that although yesterday may have marked the 40th anniversary of james and lily’s death, today marks the 40th anniversary of remus realizing he’s officially alone…

[deadlysiriusmylove]

OCTOBER 30th

harry in an orange onesie with black triangles and lines, resembling a carved pumpkin.

lily baking pumpkin bread, sugar cookies, all while describing to harry as if he could understand.

james trying to act all tough and watch a scary movie with lily after they put harry to bed, but continuing to make excuses to leave during parts at which he can tell a jump scare is coming. “i should probably fill the popcorn” “i have to use the toilet, be back darling” “was that harry? is he crying?”

——

OCTOBER 31st

james putting harry into a hallowed out pumpkin and taking photos of him. so. many. photos. he’d send a few to moony and padfoot soon.

harry eating lily’s sugar cookies she made yesterday, hands and mouth stained with royal icing. lily coming to clean him up, “did you even get some in your mouth, little one?” she giggled.

lily setting out a bowl of candy on the counter, knowing she isn’t going to answer doors. knowing they were just going to turn their lights off and pretend to be sleeping, not even leaving a bucket of sweets at the door for the children. the thought made her sad.

james and lily seeing a dark figure.

james and lily seeing voldemort.

james telling lily to take harry and leave. he could hold him off.

james forgetting his wand.

lily hearing a body drop.

lily’s heart dropping. she knew he was gone. oh how she wished she’d said yes to james even a second sooner, just to have second longer with him.

lily putting up a spell. a spell she knew wouldn’t hold.

lily apologizing to harry. she should have protected him better, kept james safer. harry would live without a family.

“mommy loves you, harry. daddy loves you.”

james and lily dying.

harry crying for his mother to respond, to hold him. she was right there. why could she hear him? where was daddy?

[deadlysiriusmylove]

“well, I expected this behavior from mr. black, but you, james? i thought higher of you. i do expect this won’t happen again?” lectured gryffindor’s house-head, professor mcgonagall.

it had been the marauders third year, meanwhile james and sirius had just pulled a prank against the slytherin house.

“we’re sorry, it won’t happen again!” james cried, quite literally. the look of disappointment on mcgonagall’s face hurt both of them.

sirius just kept his head down, mouth shut.

——

“fuck you, sirius. i guess the blood line runs true,” remus spat.

it was 5th year, sirius had told snape of remus. of remus’ lycanthropy. sirius was sorry, very much so. he could remember why he did it, hell, even that he had done it. yet, he knew he had nonetheless.

“you’re just like them. fuck you black.”

sirius didn’t have a response, how could he? therefore, he kept his head down, mouth shut.

——

november 1st, 1981

“sirius black, found guilty for the deaths of james and lily potter. his betrayal to, who many people thought were his closest companions, is devastating to so many, but can we really be surprised? sirius is a black, and we all knew where they stood on the side of all of this. we can’t help but wonder if the black family deliberately had sirius join gryffindor in order to get people to trust him. the apple cannot fall too far from the tree. he’ll head to azkaban without trial…” the daily prophet read.

sirius was a black. there was no escaping his blood. so, sirius kept his head down, mouth shut. it wouldn’t have made a difference anyways…