Dear Charlie,

Inspired by another Dear Charlie account. Submit your letters through the submissions or email to [email protected]. All letters will only be seen by me and will be posted anonymously. I will post all letters. This friend will listen.

[dearcharlie99]

Dear Charlie, I just watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Last time I watched it I think I was seventeen or sixteen. Now I’m twenty and I feel like so much changed, but at the same time everyhing is the same…. Lately I’ve been feeling sad…. I guess I’m here because I want to tell it to someone, without actually saying it. I lost my phone 10 days ago at a party, and when I went there the next day to look for my phone I lost my keys. Yes, that’s right. I lost my keys in the SAME place I lost my phone, WHILE I was looking for my phone. Now I don’t have a phone and I don’t have my keys. Also, I bought some blueberries in the supermarkt and they opened in my bag. Now my bag is purple. I don’t have enough money to pay my rent, a new phone and I have debts with my phone company. EVERYTHING SUCKS. I really try to look to the positive side of life, and see everything as a lesson. But I feel like there is a dark cloud over my head following me everywhere I go. Or maybe it’s my period is coming. I want to cry but the tears don’t come out. I can’t even cry. I don’t know, I guess I wish I could go back in time… My father passed away last december and ever since I’ve been feeling so nostalgic of my “pass life” (life before university, I guess. Life before I wasn’t a adult).  I don’t enjoy my daily life anymore, I don’t get excited about anything. I don’t care anymore about learning french or making new friends. I just want to disapper. Today I didn’t go to class because I didn’t like how I was looking. How stupid is that??? I hope this feeling goes away soon. I’m buying a new phone tomorrow. Love always, Me.

[dearcharlie99]

I’m a wreck

Dear Charlie, Roughly four months ago my life took a three-sixty. I made a decision in which hurt a few close friends of mine. I paid my dues and started to rebuild myself from the situation. Those involved forgave me as well. But I’m finding myself in whirling state of self fear. I have this deafening feeling of shame that I carry with my being every moment of everyday. Sometimes I find it drown out by my surroundings. But then within minutes it can be at the forefront of my mind. I guess what I’m asking is how does one forgive themselves? How can I find happiness and bot be utterly terrified of what I could do wrong next? How do I understand I’m human? How do I stop fearing myself, how do I love myself again?

[dearcharlie99]

Dear Charlie

I’m trying Charlie. I’m trying more relentlessly than I’ve ever even considered trying with anything else. I know he doesn’t love me anymore. But I really think we can work back to the place we were at before. I think we can be best friends again.

I’ve been blunt many times with him. Two nights ago I told him that I feel like he doesn’t care about me and doesn’t want to be my friend. I know how pathetic and needy that is but he values honesty as much as I do. He of course told me that I am wrong, but failed to convince me very well. It’s always the same. One word answers. Nothing is ever really fixed or changed after these conversations.

It’s frustrating Charlie! I asked him about the girl he has a sort of “thing” with and he says “I think we’re just friends. Actually idk. It’s complicated.” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! He knows I still love him, obviously. But I wish he’d just talk about girls with me like he used to. It’ll hurt but it would mean that we are friends again, the friends who shared things like that. Is it just too soon? Or is it lost forever?

Oh Charlie, I am a broken record. My friends can barely keep from rolling their eyes every time I bring him up, which isn’t even half as much as I want to bring him up. I bite my tongue so often but it still feels like that’s all I ever whine about these days. It’s so far removed from the person I saw myself as, the person I want to be. I am a nuisance. The thing is, I don’t think that, deep down, I want to stop. Yes, it would be easier if my feelings died and my longing for his friendship faded and I could just ignore him and move on. But I don’t want that, not even at all. I love the prolonged misery of suffering a broken heart, love testing myself to see how far I’ll go. And most importantly, I love him. Even though he’s been an asshole lately, even though there’s plenty of people out there who show me they care about me, even though this longing is taking over my life. I love him and for that I am willing to be this person. For now at least.

His birthday is in less than two weeks and being the freak that I am I have already written out a happy birthday text to him. It says some things in it that I want to say but haven’t really known how. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see how things go after that.

Stay tuned.

M.

[dearcharlie99]

Dear Charlie

It’s me again. So a few things have changed since my last letter. The boy I was talking about, the one I’m in love with, is my friend again. It all feels so surface though, if that makes sense. Like yea, we’re friends again but it doesn’t even come close to the friendship we had before, when we were each other’s number one. I don’t know if we can ever get back there but oh god I really really want to.

I am not an optimistic person, or a naive person, or a believer in fate or anything even remotely related to that. I know that sometimes things just suck and there’s no “bigger meaning” for why. I know that sometimes you suffer through something and it wasn’t because you’re “learning a lesson” or because it “wasn’t meant to be.” I know that most times, things just fucking happen. But the idealistic part of me is holding out hope, as futile and pathetic as it is. I don’t think him and I are “destined to be together.” I just think we make sense. I’m really sick of my friends telling me to that “he isn’t the one” and that I’ll “find someone who is perfect for me.” I honestly couldn’t give a shit if someone out there is “better suited for me.” Him and I have meant a lot to each other over the past few years and although I of course have no idea how he truly feels or what goes on inside his head I do know that at several points in his life I’ve mattered to him. I think that’s important. I think it’s significant. I think it says a lot that we’ve both had these feelings multiple times for one another. It isn’t fate. It’s just logical. There’s patterns and recurrences here. Why is everyone so quick to dismiss that?

Maybe I just want that cliched love story of being in love with your best friend. Probably. But it’s a cliche for a reason, right? It happens. For a second there, I had it.

Right now I’m just waiting it out, barely. Who knows where we’ll be in a month, you know?

Thanks for listening.

-m

[dearcharlie99]

Dear Friends,

Know that this is a place where I will listen. Understand that there is someone out there who reads and understands what you go through. I do not know if you expect a reply in return. I’m not sure even I can find the words to say what you need to hear. If you want I can try, but most importantly I want you guys to know you are not alone. 

Love Always,

C

[dearcharlie99]

Dear Charlie,

I’ve sent a letter about this to two other dear Charlie accounts but I’m desperate and want someone to read this and tell me they get it. I need help.

I’m going to condense what I want to say because I’ve already said it so many times in so many ways. Essentially, I’m in love with my best friend, except we aren’t best friends anymore. He told me he had feelings for me, I told him the same. We had about one week of total bliss. Then things got messy and confusing and he seemed to retreat backwards. After weeks of sitting on our feelings, weeks of nothingness, he told me he didn’t feel the same anymore. Which was fine. Feelings can’t be forced. I would have been okay with it if only he seemed to care even the slightest bit about me. It was like our friendship died when his feelings did. So last night I confronted him about it and told him how I felt, how it seemed like he didn’t give a shit about me anymore. And now, we aren’t speaking. It’s not in a dramatic “we hate each other and can’t be in the same room” way. It’s a “we just don’t talk anymore” way. Our friendship has just fizzled out. And honestly Charlie, I don’t understand how this happened. What did I do? A month ago, he constantly told me I was his best friend. How did things change so fast?

I’m in pieces. Help me.

-miche

[anime-diary-blog]

[dearcharlie99]

Hey Charlie, 

So it’s been a while. The condom broke. I don’t understand how, we were both so careful. I took a morning after pill. My mom asked me if we were having sex, I told her the truth. She’s disappointed in me of course. She says it’s not that she’s mad I did the act, she’s mad I didn’t tell her so she could put me on birth control. I took a pregnancy test, but I knew it would be false. I suspected that damn pill just messed with my cycle severely. She doesn’t believe we can make it. She says I put too much trust and faith into him. She says it’s not that she doesn’t like him, she just believes he’s not the end all be all. Am I so wrong for dreaming? I still love him and always will. He has been very supportive this whole time.

-E

[dearcharlie99]

Dear Charlie,

A Beautiful Dream Is what it feels like when i reminisce. All the laughs, the kisses, the hugs. I guess i was just over-exaggerating. Maybe it wasn’t even as deep as i have made it to be. But that would be dismissing the magnitude of my feelings. My emotions. And what i feel, is true. So i must not be exaggerating. Maybe we just felt differently about each other. Thought differently about each other. It seems we will never meet again. And it is all my fault. For it was me who pushed you away, or caused you to push yourself away. I would like to believe you will come back. But it has been years. And still no sign. I guess it just was never meant to be. Maybe you were meant to break my heart. Maybe i was meant to fall flat on my face for you and never get back up. At least not yet. Maybe i was meant to endure this. Maybe you were meant to cut me off. Maybe i was no good for you. Maybe you were no good for me. Maybe we will meet each other next lifetime,with no recollection of what we have been through in this one. But we connect on such a deep level, it will feel as if we were meant to be, as if we were once in love, as if we had shared lifetimes together before. Or maybe.. Maybe i will never remember ever again, and neither will you. Maybe you have already forgotten, and i am a mere figment of your imagination. Feel free to hit me up any time. I still have the same number. The same email. The same desire to rekindle what we once had. However, i am just a hopeless romantic, with so much hope.. Hope that i will hear your voice again. Hope that i will feel your body again. Hope that i will kiss your lips again. Hope that i will hold you in my arms once more. Full of hope that appears to be useless. I guess some things will never change. And some things were never meant to be. At times i wish I’ve never even met you and we’ve never did the things we did, said the words we said, and feel the feelings we’ve felt. But without these things,i wouldn’t be who i am today. If it weren’t for you.. I wouldn’t be who i am today.. If i could go back in time, i would fall in love all over again, and allow my heart to be broken, all over again. For although, it hurts deeply, it inspired me to remain passionate, remain loving,remain caring, remain hopeful. Hoping that one day something even better will come. Or maybe even you.

[dearcharlie99]

Dear Charlie, I'm a prude who is waiting for marriage to have sex. My boyfriend is very understanding but wants to do other things. I'm not sure how far I want to go, though and I don't want to hurt his feelings. What should I do? Tone

[dearcharlie99]

DEAR CHARLIE,

I think I catch feelings too easily. I talk so much about wanting to find someone. I feel like I try a lot to feel something for someone. I really want someone. I know i don't NEED someone but nobody gets that I’ve never quite felt the love that I'm surrounded by. I long for someone to be there for me. I want to have an emotional connection with a guy. I want him to love me, and I want to love him. 

I want to stop feeling like I’m not good enough to love. I want to remember what it’s like when my heart races in his presence. I want to feel his skin against mine. I want my heart to beat in sync with his. 

I want to be able to sleep next to him at night. I want to be able to tell him what goes on in my head all the time. I want to feel his warm lips against mine.

I don't know where that guy for me is.

All I know is that I’ve recently noticed his smile. He looks at me, I know he does.  I know because when I look at him, he is already looking at me. I smile and he smiles back. His eyes sparkle. I don’t know much about him other than the fact that he recently tried to cheer me up when I was sad. He sent me memes Charlie. I haven't laughed that hard since. 

I catch feelings too easily. I am currently waiting for him to message me back. I’ve been waiting for an hour. I feel like he’s just a big flirt. But I don’t want to give up Charlie. I really want to overcome my shyness and my insecurities. I want to feel like I have a chance. What would you do to get his attention Charlie. I think I already know the answer. I’m just scared of being bold. I know I have to be bold. Send me some bravery. Thanks for listening.

Love,

A Friend

[glowhry]

[dearcharlie99]

Why i still think of you is beyond me. Its been years. We haven’t spoken 1 word to each other, and you’re still here. In my head. I’ve tried getting you out. Full moon rituals. A couple flings. I’ve come to learn i yearn for a connection that is deep. Far beyond sex. I want to be able to vent to you and you accept me wholeheartedly. In the midst of a breakdown, you are there to lift me up. Not by disregarding my feelings and saying “ be strong”. But listening. Not only to the words i speak, but my body language. My facial expressions. It seems far fetched because i made it this way. What if I’m not really shy? I just tell myself i am, and so it is. What if i am a good communicator? I just tell myself i am not, and so it is. What if I’m just doing what i put my mind to, without realizing it? There’s always an excuse to why i can’t go out and mingle. Always an excuse to why i can’t approach a woman. Always an excuse to why i can’t do what i need to today. Always an excuse to hold off. Always an excuse to wait til tomorrow.. What if i passed away tonight? This is possible. Maybe if i were to approach this woman, i will make her day. Whether she was interested in me or not. Maybe my smile brightened her day. Maybe if i went out to mingle, i would come to see im not really shy at all, and im quite the communicator. I’ve come to learn i still think of you for a reason. I’ve yet to learn why. May you never forget a moment we shared. May you remember me so much, it hurts. I’ve been pouring my soul out on tumblr just to delete it and lose all of those heartfelt posts, just to recreate a new 1 and start all over. I miss ya pal. I still love you. Come back any time

[dearcharlie99]

Hey Charlie,

Sorry for not talking to you in a while. Thinks have happened since I talked to you. We had sex, sure we had done things before but never that far. I’m so happy Charlie. He waited almost 3 years for me. I was almost raped one day a long time ago so I was always too scared to do it with him because of it. He never once pressured me into doing anything I didn’t want to do and for that I could not be more thankful. God I love him Charlie, I really really hope we make it. He’s my best friend and I love him more than anything in this world. I’m glad I actually had some good news to give you and I hope you have have the luxury of one day doing the same, even if it is just once. And maybe one day you will write a letter back to me. Thanks for listening Charlie

-E

[dearcharlie99]

Dear Charlie,

How are you? I’m doing really good lately. This is the first time I’ve ever written to you. I know I can talk to you. I haven't been feeling down. I’m happy to say that I am happy. Of course I get stressed but whats cool is that I make it through, and it passes. I’m really proud of myself. I really want to get better, and I think I’m making progress. Wish me luck in school though, I hate going. I think I’m going to ask a girl out to the valentines day dance next week. She’s my Sam. My mom went out and rented my tux already, and Josh said he can drive me and the rest of the guys there. I’ll talk to you soon.

From ryan

[dearcharlie99]

dear Charlie, its been a full year that he hasn’t been around. he has her now. me? well you remember freddie. im fucking him occasionally. nothing feels the same without “ him ” around. i dont know i have some idea in my head its really just dumb backwards stupid nonsense actually. maybe if i change myself completely he’ll come back. i know that the chances of that happening are slim to none but i think we have unfinish business. i know we’ll meet again. we have too. otherwise the universe wouldn’t of made us run into eachother 3 years ago. oh Charlie, what do i do?

Sincerely yours.

[dearcharlie99]

Dear Charlie, his name is fred and he’s filled with bad intentions. last night i also learned that i love the color of bare skin under backlights, also that if you mix cocaine with cannabis and cheap check and go liquor, it can make you very confused and you may mistake those out of rhythm heartbeats for another. he said i looked beautiful naked. i know how it sounds charlie , and no im not naive enough to actually fall for this cliche statement. the look on his face was how i hoped to be looked. he looked for a little while, longer than he should have for a boy i only met last week. maybe it was the drugs or me being pathetically lonely. but i slept over and in the morning i got dressed and left before he or anyone in his family woke up. jeanie picked me up , she says i should know better and maybe he’ll call. i hope so. he makes me feel alive.

Sincerely yours.

p.s. - his name is fred and he’s filled of bad intentions.