The fact you posted this at the beginning of the month and it only has a handful of reblogs.
It's not okay just cuz Everyone is doing it or cuz you think your reasons to treat us like this are good enough. Every single bigot on earth feels that way and you are no different if you do this. You don't get to ignore us when we say "stop" and pretend you can't hear us.
On that note, did you know NPD was nearly removed from the DSM-V? One of the reasons was due to the increasing stigma that professionals were seeing. They felt the current entry for NPD was outdated & flawed so to have the disorder listed in the DSM-V without further research would be harmful.
And for the record that article is from 2011. Which means saying something like "not all narcissists are evil" shouldn't be a hot take. It's not a new concept by any means.
Why? Because when asked what made narcissism so bad the doctor answered with:
Up to a point, narcissism can be adaptive and even healthy.
At one end of the continuum, we have folks who have a positive and confident attitude about themselves, and high, but not unrealistic, self-esteem. Without these traits, I doubt many people would advance in their careers or make many friends.
“On the far end of the continuum, though, we have patients who believe that the world revolves around them, and that everybody owes them ‘bows and curtsies.
“Deep down, however, we believe many of these extremely narcissistic persons are deeply insecure and often lonely individuals. They are certainly a handful for everybody else.
Now, my followers know me (I hope). And I've never outright said it, but I did start leaving breadcrumbs that I have NPD. And I have gotten pretty close to admitting it.
Surprise. I'm NPD. Now tell me. Am I a bad person?
Not all people w/NPD are evil. Point blank.
Before I realized that I had these traits I will own that I was a toxic piece of shit but you know what? That behavior was made of millions of trauma responses. Just like your parents gave you all trauma that came with trauma responses so did mine. But my dad was a narcissist with an abusive dead dad. I never have the luxury of learning fun, quirky traits.
I had to survive his abuse. Within that abuse my dad only made a point to always tell me that, how he had nobody to rely on for his problems. He said it like he was proud. His parents sucked but look at him, he turned out fine.
And so I learned how to take care of myself, protect myself, and love myself because just like him I couldn't rely on my parents for any of that either. And the older I got the more all of that just looked like being self-absorbed and selfish. The more I looked like my dad.
But I didn't know if I could rely on anyone else for that stuff either yet. I still don't sometimes. I still think I'm inconvenient to love and that love is conditional. Unlearning that is fucking hard.
But I'm unlearning it now. Because I was able to educate myself and now that I know better. I do better.
....But do you know how long it took. What it cost? Do you know much Easier it would have been for me if there were online spaces I could turn to? Communities? Forums that were dedicated to helping people like me? If there was a book or site or social media I could turn to with my questions? If narcissist spaces werent full of misinformed lies based on prejudice and ableism? The phrase "narcissists don't wonder if theyre narcissists" should be entirely stricken from the English language. Yes the fuck we do and I'd have known YEARS earlier if I hadn't seen and accepted that lie.
I'm nearly 30. I don't have good relationships with almost anyone except for my partner and daughter. My partner is one of only 3 people On Earth who still talks to me AND knew me when I was toxic; obviously friends didn't want to stick around through my bullshit so I have absolutely NO contact with ANYONE I knew before I turned 20. My family is the source of all this mess and they didn't have the same realization I did so I don't associate with them either, they're still abusive.
Narcissists can and do improve. I'm proof that we can do it on our own because no therapist ever helped me (I never saw one for more than a few sessions once I was an adult).
But we can't do it without support. I got better because I decided to do the Very fucking scary thing and give my girlfriend an honest to god chance to take care of me. Before her I never put myself in that position. It was too vulnerable and I'd been burned too many times by people who should've been too close to want to burn me.
And each chance I gave her, she did. When I got sick. When I needed a ride somewhere. If I was sad. Whatever it was. If I had the courage to communicate my need then she did her best to help me meet that need. The need to be cared for and loved and safe.
She taught me that other people can love me and it isn't conditional or based on my behavior, that she doesnt love me because I'm a Good Partner but me. She loves me, not what I do or give her.
I've never been more myself. And without her support I very likely wouldn't be here at all.
Because of how very fucking hard and lonely this road is. Knowing there's something wrong and off about me but never knowing what and only knowing I'm always the one fucking things up cuz I'm the common denominator in my shitty relationships right? Thinking I was doomed to be alone and sabotaging myself forever without knowing why or how to stop it and all I fucking wanted was to be genuinely loved and seen just one fucking time.
I thought I was going to die without ever getting to experience that.
Because of bigotry that so many people justified.
I didn't deserve that. I still don't fucking deserve it. So many of us don't deserve it. And we won't improve that way. Nobody would improve under the conditions that you insist on treating us with.
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