new blog is @crucids still working on it

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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Not today Justin

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izzy's playlists!
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@troublesometome
new blog is @crucids still working on it
new blog is @crucids still working on it
new blog is @crucids still working on it
new blog is @crucids still working on it
new blog is @crucids still working on it
new blog is @crucids still working on it
new blog is @crucids still working on it
identity crisis. gonna be switching accts completely soon
Ok, God, I am fucking wheezing, I got trained to work with mice today since I’ll need them for some experiments and the guy who trained me was like, “Yeah ok so if there’s a day where you just absolutely cannot get your mice to cooperate you can always do this” and picks up this cone-shaped bag and just put the mouse face-first into it and shows it to me and I lose my shit because deadass it was a piping-bag of mouse. Like, the whole mouse was pressed into this cone, fur and ears and feet all pressed up against the plastic, tail sticking up absurdly out of the top of the thing. It was so unimaginably fucking funny but like the mouse was perfectly ok with it, there’s a hole for air at the bottom so she could breathe and all but it was genuinely the most absurd thing I have witnessed in months
THIS IS FUCKING IT, IT’S SO FUCKING RIDICULOUS!!!!!
you will be turned to icing if you don’t start acting correctally.
naughty rodents go into the i c i n g c o n e
this tweet sends me into fucking hysterics once a day
rb to have a super gay 2023
modern day who’s on second
“me saw who! me saw who!!!”
I cannot stop watching this video. It’s fucking hilarious and I’ve watching it’s approximately 20 times already
Narcissistic abuse
Listen to me. Narcissistic abuse is real. And it's happening right now to millions of people. But it's not what you think. Narcissists (and other people with Cluster B personality disorders) are the ones being abused. And you know what's crazy? I, a person with NPD, can't even say that without fearing someone will respond with, "Look at the gaslighting narcissist playing the victim! What a piece of garbage!"
But it's true. Narcissists are currently experiencing wide-spread and socially acceptable abuse. It's unending and merciless. And when we try to speak up about it, we're silenced. We're blocked, doxxed, told to kill ourselves, etc.
It is a SERIOUS problem. Especially because we, like all the other cluster Bs, are at a high risk of suicide.
There's an incomprehensible number of websites and blogs dedicated to hating an entire group of mentally ill people, and it is absolutely appalling. If this were to happen to literally any other group, it would be seen as what it is: a horrible, tragic, hateful form of ableism, bordering on terrorism.
It's true, some people with NPD are toxic and problematic. But NPD does NOT make a person inherently abusive. It just doesn't. It can, however, make a person more likely to fall into disordered and unhealthy patterns of behavior which can cause pain for the people around them. It sucks. I know because I've been around narcissists who hurt me by being chaotic and uncaring, and I've hurt people I deeply love by being the same.
But you know what?
I'm trying to do better. I am. I've done a lot of reflection and introspection, and I've taken great care in changing some of my fundamental behaviors. I'm learning how to use my narcissism "for good" (it's possible) and I'm doing my absolute best to be my best. People with NPD can improve their behavior and relationships with effort and... this is important... SUPPORT.
We will absolutely not improve if people keep hating us and telling us how evil we are. (Like, you realize that's how most of us ended up in this narcissistic mess in the first place, right? I mean. Seriously. What the hell. It's like an unending nightmare for us at this point.)
TW violence. I recently ran across a book called "How to Kill a Narcissist," and I immediately started crying. What a truly awful book title. How cruel and sad. I don't know what else to say other than this: insert any other disability in that title and see how it makes you feel.
Also. We've already been killed. It's why we are the way we are. We don't need to be killed again.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but killing a narcissist, metaphorically or otherwise, is a stupid, hurtful, unhelpful concept, and it should never be promoted in ANY way. That should be obvious??? But apparently, it's not.
So please. Please I'm very literally begging you. Stop it. Stop treating people with NPD as one singular entity comprised of people who all act the exact same way and who deserve to be murdered or treated like trash. We are a diverse group of people whose illness exists on a spectrum, and, yes, some of us are abusive and mean. But some of us are kind, caring, and helpful, and we're in therapy and doing our best.
AND YES. All of us have altered/diminished empathy, but that DOES NOT mean we are immoral or evil or inhuman/unhuman. In fact, the people out there screaming about narcissists and how we all need to die are apparently "hyperempathetic" (pathetic, indeed) and look at what all that empathy does for them. Real paragons of virtue, that lot.
So yeah.
The fact you posted this at the beginning of the month and it only has a handful of reblogs.
This is Bigotry
It's not okay just cuz Everyone is doing it or cuz you think your reasons to treat us like this are good enough. Every single bigot on earth feels that way and you are no different if you do this. You don't get to ignore us when we say "stop" and pretend you can't hear us.
On that note, did you know NPD was nearly removed from the DSM-V? One of the reasons was due to the increasing stigma that professionals were seeing. They felt the current entry for NPD was outdated & flawed so to have the disorder listed in the DSM-V without further research would be harmful.
And for the record that article is from 2011. Which means saying something like "not all narcissists are evil" shouldn't be a hot take. It's not a new concept by any means.
Why? Because when asked what made narcissism so bad the doctor answered with:
Up to a point, narcissism can be adaptive and even healthy.
At one end of the continuum, we have folks who have a positive and confident attitude about themselves, and high, but not unrealistic, self-esteem. Without these traits, I doubt many people would advance in their careers or make many friends.
“On the far end of the continuum, though, we have patients who believe that the world revolves around them, and that everybody owes them ‘bows and curtsies.
“Deep down, however, we believe many of these extremely narcissistic persons are deeply insecure and often lonely individuals. They are certainly a handful for everybody else.
Now, my followers know me (I hope). And I've never outright said it, but I did start leaving breadcrumbs that I have NPD. And I have gotten pretty close to admitting it.
Surprise. I'm NPD. Now tell me. Am I a bad person?
Not all people w/NPD are evil. Point blank.
Before I realized that I had these traits I will own that I was a toxic piece of shit but you know what? That behavior was made of millions of trauma responses. Just like your parents gave you all trauma that came with trauma responses so did mine. But my dad was a narcissist with an abusive dead dad. I never have the luxury of learning fun, quirky traits.
I had to survive his abuse. Within that abuse my dad only made a point to always tell me that, how he had nobody to rely on for his problems. He said it like he was proud. His parents sucked but look at him, he turned out fine.
Right.
And so I learned how to take care of myself, protect myself, and love myself because just like him I couldn't rely on my parents for any of that either. And the older I got the more all of that just looked like being self-absorbed and selfish. The more I looked like my dad.
But I didn't know if I could rely on anyone else for that stuff either yet. I still don't sometimes. I still think I'm inconvenient to love and that love is conditional. Unlearning that is fucking hard.
But I'm unlearning it now. Because I was able to educate myself and now that I know better. I do better.
....But do you know how long it took. What it cost? Do you know much Easier it would have been for me if there were online spaces I could turn to? Communities? Forums that were dedicated to helping people like me? If there was a book or site or social media I could turn to with my questions? If narcissist spaces werent full of misinformed lies based on prejudice and ableism? The phrase "narcissists don't wonder if theyre narcissists" should be entirely stricken from the English language. Yes the fuck we do and I'd have known YEARS earlier if I hadn't seen and accepted that lie.
I'm nearly 30. I don't have good relationships with almost anyone except for my partner and daughter. My partner is one of only 3 people On Earth who still talks to me AND knew me when I was toxic; obviously friends didn't want to stick around through my bullshit so I have absolutely NO contact with ANYONE I knew before I turned 20. My family is the source of all this mess and they didn't have the same realization I did so I don't associate with them either, they're still abusive.
Narcissists can and do improve. I'm proof that we can do it on our own because no therapist ever helped me (I never saw one for more than a few sessions once I was an adult).
But we can't do it without support. I got better because I decided to do the Very fucking scary thing and give my girlfriend an honest to god chance to take care of me. Before her I never put myself in that position. It was too vulnerable and I'd been burned too many times by people who should've been too close to want to burn me.
And each chance I gave her, she did. When I got sick. When I needed a ride somewhere. If I was sad. Whatever it was. If I had the courage to communicate my need then she did her best to help me meet that need. The need to be cared for and loved and safe.
She taught me that other people can love me and it isn't conditional or based on my behavior, that she doesnt love me because I'm a Good Partner but me. She loves me, not what I do or give her.
I've never been more myself. And without her support I very likely wouldn't be here at all.
Because of how very fucking hard and lonely this road is. Knowing there's something wrong and off about me but never knowing what and only knowing I'm always the one fucking things up cuz I'm the common denominator in my shitty relationships right? Thinking I was doomed to be alone and sabotaging myself forever without knowing why or how to stop it and all I fucking wanted was to be genuinely loved and seen just one fucking time.
I thought I was going to die without ever getting to experience that.
Because of bigotry that so many people justified.
I didn't deserve that. I still don't fucking deserve it. So many of us don't deserve it. And we won't improve that way. Nobody would improve under the conditions that you insist on treating us with.
See that. See us.
And if I die, I die. And I shall join my brothers and sisters in Valhalla where I belong!
Ok but guys, in all seriousness, this is exactly why you should get the HPV vaccine. We have a vaccine that literally protects you from getting throat cancer from eating pussy, and yet there are supposedly straight men walking around without it. It's a shame and an embarrassment, and everyone who enjoys pussy in any form should get vaccinated, genuinely.
The blatant sexism though lmao you can get throat cancer/HPV from sucking dick too. And STILL, because HPV is most well known for causing cervical cancer, the HPV vaccine is mostly recommended to people with cervixes. HPV can cause throat, vulvar, rectal, cervical, and other cancers. Not just throat and cervical cancer. PLEASE get your HPV vaccines regardless of your sex, gender, orientation, etc etc etc. Go to your doctor or local health department!!
I mean I think people should curate their own fandom experience and whatnot and it's perfectly fair to just avoid things one is uncomfortable with...
That being said. From personal experience? Immunizing myself to all my discomforts by browsing through pixiv and kink memes with raised eyebrows while searching for things I am interested in back when tagging was non-existent has really made my fandom experience much more pleasant nowadays.
I have preferences, for sure. But I have no fear. I have no cringe. The filthiest, grossest fanwork holds no powers over me. I am a god.
Like honestly dl;dr and block on sight is respectable and all but I genuinely think everyone could just benefit from purposefully exposing yourself to your nOTP and non-triggering squicks sometimes? (And obviously don't go bother the creators for it.) If only so that it makes it easier/safer to search for content you like without living in fear of accidentally glimpsing something you hate and having that ruin your day.
Training oneself to be comfortable with mild discomfort is a highly under-rated skill in this day and age
I think its interesting that "desensitized" is a dirty word now. Like...when I did my therapy, being desensitized was the GOAL. It was the fucking dream.
But also, desensitization essentially gives you the agency to say, "okay so that felt bad, now I can either put it away, really explore and understand what that discomfort is trying to tell me, or discard it." Idk...some of yall are so fucking distressed all the time and you call it "being normal" or "being a decent human being" but...it isn't normal to be distressed all the time. It isn't decent to be distressed all the time. And like...I have disords and chemical shit going on in my brain but if you don't have all that....I think you need to look at your distress and ask why it is actually enduring and who benefits from you being distressed (lessons from a pre-bush era american).