INTO YOU I WANT TO DIVE.

[dearfaerie]

Ordinary Things

"Ugh!" Haley stomps her way back to fix camera's angle for the nth time. "You'd think you would be good at taking my picture the way I want them after all this time." Standing behind him, Daniel could feel his ears run hot as her icy hands touch his as she moves his hands along with the camera to get him into the exact spot she envisions. "But..." She sighs, "Since you're the only person who's been willing to help me, I will teach you as many times as I need to." Haley lets out a small chuckle and pokes the side of his head. The first time Haley asked Daniel to take a picture of her became the last time too. Whenever she needed to update her portfolio, she pulled him out of his farming duties for a moment, guiding him for the perfect shot. "I'm going to move away from this place and make it big!... I have to." She would always say, her voice faltering, fighting the doubt away from her mind. There was no doubting her beauty. Instead of looking different on camera, the photos become an exact replica of her. But because she comes from a small town like Pelican Town, the agencies gloss over her applications, or so she convinces herself to believe.

"I don't think the camera angle matters..." He mumbles as Haley moves away from him and appears into frame. She pretends to not hear him, but a slight pull of the corner of her lips appears and Daniel quickly snaps a picture. "Daniel!" Haley whines, stomping her foot once before letting out a deep sigh. "Focus. Please." Daniel snorts as he holds back his laughter. To him, her tantrums are adorable. All she does is adorable to Daniel and he "suffers her wrath" every time he mentions it. The moment he crossed into Stardew Valley, he didn't have high hopes in this new life he chose on a whim. All he knew was he didn't want his old one and was willing to take on the challenge to start anew. Daniel quit his job on the spot the moment he received a letter from his late grandfather and didn't take any of his belongings. If he was going to start anew, he didn't want any ties with his old life. He had nothing to lose now... Until he met Haley.

Haley fluffs her blonde curls and fixes her ash rose colored beret as she finds her perfect positioning by the fountain. Daniel, like always, stands in the exact pose she left in him and waits for her to decide how she was going to pose. He has learned to know better than to move while she is getting ready. The last time he had moved an inch, he got an earful of how important this was for her. Of course Daniel would apologize and Haley would reward him with more time spent together by picking out the best frames of her. And like always, their time together would last until nighttime because Daniel would go back on his decisions because "all of them are perfect."

Haley clicks send and slams her laptop shut. She pulls her knees close to her chest as she lets herself drop back onto the red couch, Daniel follows suit. Her eyes do not leave her laptop and Daniel's does not leave her.

"Do you think this could be the one?"

This wasn't the first time she has asked this question. Daniel has heard it after her first rejection letter... and the second... and the third... and the fourth... and--

"Yeah, of course. You've seen them; they came out perfect."

This wasn't the first time Daniel has said this to her, but always made sure to change his words to avoid Haley calling him out on his positive outlook about her and not being completely honest. However, everything Daniel says, he believes. He believes she is able to move out to the big city and live in a sky-rise and be the famous model she dreams of being. That she is beautiful and amazing; unlike anyone he has ever met. He wishes all the best for her, even if it her future doesn't hold space for him.

Haley finally looks at him and gives a sheepish smile at his compliment as if it were her first time hearing it. With Daniel, Haley feels like she can be herself without judgement. She can say and feel whatever she wants and he is there taking the waves of her moods as they come without complaint. She can't help but think he's not human for how little emotions he shows because she knows her moods can be overwhelming. Even she can't stand herself sometimes, so she goes to bother Daniel when she wants to escape her thoughts. "You're always so good to me." Haley reaches out to him, her hand landing on top of his head and lets her fingers run through his hair. It's easy for her to forget about the little things in life because she is always thriving for more... but looking at Daniel, she feels grounded and remembers how important these little moments in the present are. How a moment so ordinary could be life changing.

Daniel's body tenses up as he feels her hand play with his hair. He turns his head towards her, noticing her rosy cheeks and sleepy eyes unwavering. Daniel is used to her bold statements- it's one of the reasons why he likes her so much, but never has he seen her act or look at him this way. Her eyes gentle yet alluring, pulling him closer without her needing to make any effort. Her fingers slowly stop moving through his hair as she sees him shift his body towards her, his face moving towards hers until he stops inches away. Daniel has never been this close to her before and uncertainty fills his mind unsure of why. Clearly Haley has given him the green light, but he didn't want to mess this up. Not with her.

"Aren't you going to kiss me?" She whispers, her eyes lingering on his lips before searching for answers in his eyes. Daniel is not sure how he's still alive by the speed of his heart is going, but he is well alive and so close to Haley that he can clearly smell her favorite coconut perfume. "A-are you sure?" He whispers back, meeting Haley's ocean blue eyes. Her hand slides down to the back of his neck and nods her head slowly. "Mhm." She hums, pulling him closer, closing the gap between their lips.

[dearfaerie]

It’s been weird from the start growing up as a human while looking like an orc more than her other half. She was bigger, stronger, heavier, and perhaps uglier than the human children’s she grew up with. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, her caretaker would tell her, but Ovelia agreed to disagree. She turned to honing her skills, practicing every day until she was begging for air instead for a hand to hold. Despite it all, she desperately wanted to feel loved. Ovelia used her free time looking at couples around her small town, mimicking the delicate gestures and looks the women would give to their counter parts. An awkward grin here, a forced smile there, and a two-eyed wink to top it off. Nothing worked out or looked close enough to the real thing, but if Ovelia was anything, she was persistent.

In adulthood, Ovelia placed love as her last priority, but the desire was still there. If it weren’t for her town accusing her of killing a man, then maybe she could have placed it higher on her list. As time went on, the list began to expand, pushing love lower and lower until she almost convinced herself it wouldn’t be possible to feel such bliss as the half-orc that she is. However knowing Ovelia, she isn’t fond of looking like a fool, so she plays around with the feeling rather than letting it go completely. She dances around the fact that no male in her group would ever see her as a potential love interest by flirting and spouting innuendos every now and then. It would cause an uproar of laughter between them and she continues, hoping that their laughter could drown out the fact that is at her dispense.

One thing her caretaker got right was that love comes unexpectedly. Ovelia has never seen Fabian as anything but a comrade. He kept to himself a lot when he wasn’t leading the group and flirted with the beautiful women in each town they visited (more so towns that weren’t burned to the ground). Instead she felt indebted to him from the countless times he’s saved her but of course she wouldn’t say that. That would require her to lower her pride and she refuses to be seen as someone who will be on her knees for someone. But love… it comes unexpectedly.

Ovelia towers over the people around the market, separating from Fabian. Townsfolk go in and out of small shops lined up together in a long row. She spots two people looking directly at her while walking towards her direction. Not wanting to think much of it, she moves herself to the side, thinking they were just people who had never seen a half-orc before. She’s used to the different looks and this wasn’t anything new. However, the two men stop in front of her and lunge their whole weight onto Ovelia, attempting to keep her in place and almost felt like they started to push her backwards. She grins slightly, gaging already how weak they are compared to her and she pushes one aside and the other to the other side.

Before they could try again, Ovelia ran towards the direction she remembered Fabian walked to, hoping she could find him ASAP. As she ran, she noticed the two men chasing after her. Her eyes widen. ‘No way they were catching up’, she thought, pushing herself harder than before. She noticed a man with the same armor as Fabian and jolted towards him, hoping it was in fact Fabian.

“Fabian!” Ovelia yelled, waving her hands and pointing behind her as she neared closer to him. “I’m being chased. I don’t know why; I didn’t do anything!” She stated, grasping for air. Fabian looked behind her and cursed under his breath. “C’mon, let’s go.” Fabian reached his hand towards her’s just like that… unexpectedly.

[tiintenherz]

power & control

[dearfaerie]

tiintenherz:

once they are inside she wants to go to bed, wants to sleep and forget. but what she does instead is to look at hunso, how his lips are covered in blood. it serves him right, she thinks, bitter. and still she wants to help him, hyorin truly does, but what comes out is “you didn’t need to do this,” and her voice sounds strange on her ears, something that goes beyond her intoxication state. “i didn’t ask for your help, i had everything under control.” it’s a damn lie and hyorin doesn’t know what would have happened if hunso didn’t step up, but she doesn’t care. “why did you even help me, huh? i thought you didn’t care about me.” and the words sound more hurt than they should, but hyorin doesn’t care. not now.

when hunso is mad, he gets restless. he holds onto his actions and words- at least until he gets home. will it be different this time, though? he’s not used to coming back home with someone that isn’t going to leave the next morning. he’s not used to being angry in front of someone that is supposed to stay with him for the long run. what he has gotten used to is the ring around his finger which his fingers look to toy with it as a distraction, but it is no where to be found. so he sits in complete silence, the blood still boiling as memories from not long ago linger, teasing him, pushing his anger out little by little.

he’s angered and uneasy at the same time. the closing door echoes and falls back to silence once again. only two things come to mind: fight or flight. he doesn’t know hyorin well enough to know how to deal with her. prior to this, there had only been stupid banter between them, but nothing that included their personal lives. it never went that far and he wished it never did. what came next is a prime example of why, and hunso, still buzzed from the alcohol wasn’t going to run from this. he turns to her, eyes dazed, but he sees her clear as day (sort of). “you thought that was for you?” he snorts. “i’m sorry sweetheart, but i am not your boy from the club.” he points his finger outward as if pointing to him. it was odd to know of hyorin’s past relationship. was she in love with him too? the thought of it makes him scoff internally, but also itches him with guilt. was he hades himself, taking persephone away?

“i’m not here to be your knight in shinning armor, alright? i’m here to stop you from creating a scene with your boyfriend that’ll eventually be heard by your father and mine. what would they think if they knew you were with someone else?” already he was ready to be slapped or punched if wanted. hunso isn’t light or smart with words when he’s intoxicated. he pours out as easily as he does with alcohol, but with this, he pours until it overflows. “i swear that guy put some crazy shit in you. you should know this by now; this is all an arrangement. it’s all business, love. so hide those feelings away because i am not and will never be who you want.” hunso’s voice in the beginning was loud, but not screaming. the loudness however made his last words more noticeable as his tone lowered and a dose of realness escaped into the atmosphere. he, just like her, didn’t want this marriage. he knew it was already going to be fucked up, but if he didn’t know anything before this it would be doable. there would be no past problems surfacing to their relationship. now, however, he cannot get rid of the fact that she had someone before him. as shitty of a person he shows to the public, he hates to think that maybe that someone could have made her happy.

[dearfaerie]

don’t let me go.

[dearfaerie]

orbitum:

then: a thought. a what if. the tiniest sliver of hope, another chance at love. miran lifts her head up, looks into the lifeless eyes of her wife, her first and only love, and says,

“we could be together.” for the first time since yejin’s death, she feels a semblance of joy. “we could be together again if i were to just—” she’s interrupted by her own thoughts, a plethora of ideas formulating in her head. it would be so easy to go to sleep forever: swallow one too many white pills, let the rough material of a nylon rope take away her breath, fall through the clouds with her arms spread wide. the details of her demise don’t matter; she won’t be around to witness the aftermath of it anyway.

her lip quivers as she crawls to her lover, close enough that she would be able to rest her chin on the woman’s thigh if it were made of skin and bone.

“yejin, love,” she wipes the tears that begin to brim her eyes and stares, finding it easier to breathe, “i could be with you, and nothing would be able to take you away from me.” 

yejin reaches out to catch the others hand, forgetting that physical contact isn’t possible anymore. her fingertips barely pass through the other’s wrist and just like that, miran is away from her once again. she hates to be reminded every minute of her uselessness. there was nothing she could do in this state and still, she doesn’t understand any of it no matter how many explanations she forms.

the change came almost instantly. for a moment yejin sees her with sunken eyes and the next she holds a spark in those eyes as if the most brilliant idea came into mind. yejin wasn’t sure what to expect, but she holds a small feeling of hope, hope that miran found a way to be okay now that she’s here with her. something that could make them work even if touch isn’t possible. her first words bring comfort, but when her trail of thought takes a quick stop, yejin wasn’t sure if what miran had in mind was anything close to coexisting.

yejin looks down at her lap. her lover’s head lays on the mattress right through her. even then, she still pretends to run her fingers through miran’s hair, remembering the softness of her beautiful locks. “you could be with me just like this.” she whispers to the other, her hand continuously moving slowly through her lover’s head. “but only like this. i don’t want you to go anywhere.” yejin’s voice quivers slightly at the thought of miran disappearing after finally having her a second time.

“i’m scared to lose you. i’m so scared, miran.”

yejin feared of even taking her eyes away from miran for she might disappear the moment she looks back at her. it’s happened once before and countless times when she laid in that hospital bed. someone would have taken her away every night, fearing of not seeing her the next morning to come. if miran tried to do anything in this moment, she wouldn’t know what to do. “i don’t want to risk anything now that we’re together again.”

[dearfaerie]

bruised apples.

@dubbelster // mincheol & taekyung . grocery store . 5:10 pm

the media has a relatively good accuracy when describing delinquents like mincheol and the gang. they are the lost souls in the world, living off violence and alcohol, but what they don’t show is how domestic they truly are. at least that is the case of him. ever since bringing in taekyung, he’s frequently found making his weekly rounds of grocery shopping for the upcoming week. it was a struggle at first, but sungho and the boy had helped him adjust to it all with lists of the groceries and the places to go get them. because taekyung was the first boy to live with them, he took him with for an easier and quicker trip. ever since then, he calls for him even when the other boys are available. it somehow became their “thing.” that and mincheol notices how the other seems to enjoy it.

“taek, we’re going.” mincheol picks up his keys from the living room table and heads out the door. he unlocks the doors and tucks in sungho’s list in his back pocket. “it’s already late, so we’re only going in to buy what we need and get out, got it?” he repeats and isn’t sure why. it’s an overly used statement and something that enters the boy’s ear and exits from the other. in the end, it always ends the same. still, it’s awkward not to say it. mincheol turns on the engine and drives off to their first destination. luckily this time, they don’t need a lot back home, so the list is short and there will be enough money left for their other expenses. despite how mincheol is, he’s more aware of the needs of others even if it seems he doesn’t care. he wouldn’t house and feed these kids if he didn’t. there’s a  heart in there-- somewhere.

as late as it is, the store is filled with people making last minute shopping. they push their carts one way then the other, while the line at the register slowly advances. mincheol takes out the list from his pocket and hands it over to taekyung. “if you see any of these things, grab them.” he instructs, memorizing the first few vegetables in the list before he heads towards the section. he’s never been good at picking fruits and vegetables. somehow, by sungho’s standards, always grabs the worst ones and that alone says a lot. he holds two tomatoes in each hand, looking at their smooth red skin. they both look the same, yet he still checks carefully. blame the trauma. “these should be okay, right?” rarely does mincheol ever ask for other’s opinions, but things like these needed a second look and taekyung was there to ease his worry.

[dearfaerie]

san junipero.

@melxodrava // 2018 ↺  2050 . club avenue . gangnam . 11:45 pm

suyeon lived a good life. never did she struggle financially or had major struggles in her life. she had amazing friends and her family supported her through all of her decisions in life. still, suyeon couldn’t fill in a spot in her heart no matter what she did- no matter who entered her life. her husband, the most precious person in her life, spent the rest of his living days with her, the woman he loves. the woman that never loved him back. at least not fully. she loved him for loving her, for being who he is, but he wasn’t what she wanted. what she wanted was something more forbidden, more erroneous to her beliefs and all she’s been taught. to love a woman as a woman is a repulsive concept and suyeon’s hated herself for being so different.

a group of girls enter the bathroom while suyeon touched up on her makeup. she avoided their gazes as two of them settled next to her in front of the mirror while the others went inside the stalls. as much as suyeon wanted to avoid them, she couldn’t help but steal glances at the women next to her applying their makeup and fixing their dresses. for a split second, she wonders what would happen if she let herself go. to hold the woman close and just kiss her passionately like in the movies. how different is it really that her body aches for something other than normal? she notices one of them staring at her and suyeon quickly looks away, putting her makeup away just to make her awkward exit from the bathroom. ‘you’re so stupid. what’s wrong with you?’ she thinks, taking a deep breath before walking into the sea of people dancing the night away.

‘you’re here to forget everything and have a good time. just... relax.’ suyeon lets the music eat her whole and follows the flow of those around her. the music is loud, but her cheers are even louder. she lets the men hold her, maybe even kiss if she feels up for it; the drink in her hand makes her do silly things- take her whole life as an example! in moments like these, it’s best to keep ones eyes closed as the room is already dark and the lights make it difficult to see, and for good reason too. it’s important to lose oneself in the music, feeling the bass throughout the body and dance with everyone without judgement. everyone is here for a similar reason, and suyeon wants the same thing. forget until she has to go back.

but the moment she doesn’t follow the rules, her gaze lands on a beautiful woman at arms reach. a sane suyeon would have just stayed where she was, and she did, but it seemed like something greater pushed her forward... or someone might’ve pushed her forward by accident because it didn’t take long before she brushed between two people and was now in front of the other. because of the buzzed bliss that the alcohol supplied, she smiles at the other and continues to dance with the other and somehow her focus completely centers on the woman in front of her.

[dearfaerie]

carpe diem.

[dearfaerie]

altcrlife:

whereas he’d normally at least smirk at the greeting, sungho’s face is a mask of indifference. “you look like none of the kids put out for you this morning,” it’s his way of greeting the other. no reaction is shown either when mincheol grabs a cigarette for himself, but he reaches for the pack and the lighter when he’s done. it’s not likely he spent two years without smoking, but it’s been so long he was actually given time to do so, the first drag feels like the first proper breath of air in months. bag slung over his shoulder, sungho doesn’t wait for mincheol before walking to the familiar car, only leans against the passenger’s door as he smokes. “did you pick up any strays while i was gone?”

“shit.” he mumbles, raising the fire by his cigarette before handing it over. it wouldn’t be normal if mincheol didn’t sense the different air around sungho, but it is normal to not bring it up- they had never been the type to talk about their feelings. it somehow just happens naturally... when they’re drunk. feelings are spilled on the table along with knocked over beer cans and half-empty food plates. rare smiles are shared between the two alone, a sight that is never before seen by any of the boys back home. so many struggles flung behind their backs because, finally, they have each other once again and everything (as shitty as it it) is okay.

mincheol unlocks the doors and lets out a heavy sigh as he sits inside. he hadn’t done anything at all up until this point and already he feels tired. the thought of having to explain two whole years to sungho is tiring in itself, but he’s fine with this. talking with the other until their eyes fight to stay awake had always been his favorite pastime. that and wrecking havoc. “just two.” he pulls away from the drive way and heads towards the big street. “won daeyeon and won seoyoon.” he repeats them as if he was continuously quizzing himself on their names. there were too many for him already and two more had somehow stunned him for a while. “not related, but one of them comes from a well off family, the other has none.” whatever sob story, mincheol and sungho had heard them all, so he saves him from the details and simply gives him the summary.

“daeyeon has settled well, seoyoon is still new, so we might have to keep an eye on him with the others.” he made them sound like animals, but they were not far from them. some of the boys were territorial in their own ways and having someone new could be a good thing (however good it could be) or a bad thing. his free hand turns the wheel to the right, into a small street near the entrance of a street market they are both familiar with- so familiar with that neither of them had to discuss of where to eat. the answer is always simple when it comes to them. as difficult that they both are to figure out, they are the most simple man could ever get.

mincheol gets out the car, dropping and crushing his cigarette with his foot. he waits for the other to get out before locking his doors and heads towards the entrance of the market. the concoction of smells infiltrate his nostrils to a pleasant high he hadn’t had in a long time. mincheol dislikes coming here without sungho, he’s realized, because coming here alone or with one of the kids just wasn’t the same. this was made for them two and after the shitty experience, he’s never gone here for the two years he’s been gone. “she changed location while you were away.” he mentions, leading the other towards the opposite direction they have always walked towards.

“she finally got the sales spot she’s been eyeing for ages.” he could feel a small smile form, and he doesn’t hide this one. this woman he talks fondly of is the woman that has fed both of them when they were children up until this point on. she’s their secret from the world they live in and she might just be the only person outside of mincheol’s life that he likes. she had managed to see something in them in order for her to help and whatever it was that she saw (maybe it was just because she was not exactly sane), he knows he’s in debt to her for a lifetime.

[dearfaerie]

clipped wings.

[dearfaerie]

zanyara:

“all done, mom,” is what he says in the most annoying voice he can muster, not even showing the slightest hint of fear at the retaliation that could follow those actions. it’s been more than long enough for him to figure out that his cellmate is not a violent one, and even if he were, there aren’t many forms of physical pain he hasn’t underwent before.

minsung stares blankly at the childish scene in the making as he folds his blanket neatly and stacks it on top of his folded mattress. maybe it was the age difference, but he couldn’t comprehend how the other could be so messy with his own things. even as the person minsung was, he rarely remembers ever damaging his own goods. it just doesn’t make sense.

“you do know laundry is until next week,” he informs the other, seeing how arrogant the other is being. “you’re going to have to sleep with that filth in the meantime.” 

he looks away and walks towards the sink by the bathroom. he rips out a paper towel, wets a part of it and gives it to him. “now you can clean near the door and windows.” even if the kid wasn’t going to cooperate completely, at least there will be something partly done. as much as a “nagging mom” he’s being, minsung really just wants things to be done no matter how effortless it is. 

“i know this may seem tedious, but it’ll pay off in the long run.” minsung wasn’t sure why he continued speaking. it could be he had been alone for a long time, but the silence deafens him when there is someone else in the room. it somehow feels more comfortable with small talk, if it’s ever given in return at least. “there are a lot of ways to lessen sentences, this would be the easiest one.” he comments, rinsing the plastic bowls they have used yesterday. 

“how long are you in here for anyway?” reasons to why and how aren’t important because being here is enough to say the kid did a bad thing. the time however, that’s what really matters in the long run. minsung doesn’t want to hold any responsibilities for the others actions, but if it means he’ll be with him for a long time, then having the need is more likely to happen.

[dreemscape]

hold me down.

[dearfaerie]

dreemscape:

and he told me i was holy, he’s got me down on both knees, but it’s the devil that’s tryna hold me down. @dearfaerie / eunchan & mincheol / building roof, 7:42 pm.

“i like it.” the word ‘you’ goes unsaid, though it’s all but visible in the wind-chilled air between them. eunchan’s not one for subtle, not in moments like this. he’s just a bundle of manic energy. overflowing emotions he can never seem to stop up. all vibrant in their angry, desperate energy. he’s a mess of a person, he knows he is. but at least mincheol had spotted that mess, decided he liked it enough to bring it home. eunchan takes another drag, tips his head back to try and meet mincheol’s gaze, lets a smile split across his face before he laughs. releases puffs of smoke as he turns his head to hide away his expression in the fabric of mincheol’s shirt.

the world is vast before his eyes. instead of the sky, the ground becomes the stars he looks upon once the sun goes down and everyone settles in their homes. he spots shadows every now and then, whenever the younger lying on his lap doesn’t take his eyes away from the windows. these are the moments he’s able to see the younger feel comfortable, more tolerable, more loving than desperate. the smoke fills his lungs as he inhales it like fresh air and he takes a drink of his beer that taste like piss, but it’s better than water. these too, were moments where mincheol could clear his mind, take a moment for himself even if he couldn’t completely be alone.

he doesn’t respond to eunchan’s words, but he hears them loud and clear. together. the single word separated from the rest flows naturally into the atmosphere from the boy’s lips. he separated it for a reason, mincheol knows. he knows too well how he’s always holding the sweetest apple above eunchan’s head, teasing the hunger inside of him. its these moments where he can take a bite, enjoy the taste while it last before mincheol decides that it is enough- whenever it’s not fun anymore. he’s played this game plenty of times and seeing the other so desperate for him keeps him playing once more. the way the other acts is rather interesting, exciting, and it somehow doesn’t get old. he wasn’t sure how long the other was going to chase after him, but the boy has fallen into mincheol’s toxic ocean and he would drown in it if he let him.

mincheol looks down at him, his hand runs through the various shades of blue in his hair, watching as they fall back into place on his forehead. “maybe we should.” he feeds the other sweet words, always giving and taking. he meets eunchan’s eyes and a pull at the corner of his lips is enough to have the other smile alike and more. this isn’t something he does normally, smile whenever he doesn’t feel like it. but for some reason eunchan and the rest like it. as if he has given them a medal of approval, they become more content as if his smile was something worth cherishing. but he knows himself and knows his smile is rotten and uses it just because he can. he does everything just because he can and forgets everyone else. he’s selfish in that way, yet he houses the unwanted. he’s an enigma that’s not meant to be understood.

“it’s not bad.” he admits, wondering what shit will fall before him. he’s sure it’ll come sooner or later, but he’s always been about living in the moment and right now he can withstand this moment with the boy resting on his lap. he takes the last drop of his beer and without hesitation, he chucks it far into the street and waits for the sound of shattering glass. the sound breaks through the peaceful atmosphere for a quick second and in that second mincheol wants to fall with it. glide away and end up as broken as he feels inside. it’s these moments that his own thoughts come through and he realizes why he doesn’t mind eunchan. at least he could distract him whenever his mind wants to take over. “as long as no one else is around, we could.” he says, bringing himself back just as he always has. this is how it’s played.

[tiintenherz]

power & control

[dearfaerie]

tiintenherz:

she barely has the time to register what happens as she watches her ex shove her husband, a surprised scream leaving her lips. and even her drunk state hyorin knows there’s no turning back now, something bad is about to happen. “stop!” she pushes minhyuk away, surprise in his eyes as he looks at her. “just fucking get over it and leave us be.” but hyorin doesn’t know that won’t happen. she has seen that same scene many times before and now that it’s happening to her she can’t do anything but look around at the people who are staring at them and wonder how long until something worse happens. maybe they should have stayed home for once.

if hunso had any sense of rationality in him, he would burst out laughing at the sight of the guy. who is he to be comparing himself to me, he would think if he had any thoughts at the moment, but his mind is clouded with frustration caused by this nobody. “what- are you mad she finally raised her standards?” he taunts, testing how much of a man this guy truly is. he was scrawny compared to hunso and he doesn’t know about him, but his fists are craving for a change to touch the other’s face. 

he feels a pull from the arm that held hyorin and he looks at her and for once, he somehow felt like a nuisance by the look of her pleading eyes. he steps back, wanting to follow hyorin, but the sudden movement from the other snapped hunso’s attention away. love, the word itself held a bitter taste that he couldn’t even repeat it. was this what it was? love? when did anything have to be about love? hunso doesn’t know anything about this guy, but he knows that he’s living a middle class fantasy because in the real world, love holds little meaning. love doesn’t create massive companies. it doesn’t put clothes over ones body nor does it feed you. all love is good for is to write fantasies and help people escape their shitty realities.

the sudden shove caused hunso to stumble back into a couple walking behind him. thanks to them, he manages to hold his ground. he feels as if the room is spinning and he tries to focus on the man before him. hunso clenches his jaw and fist, completely ignoring hyorin’s screams and the stares from the people around them. he steps forward and reaches out to grasp his collar for a better shot. he swinging his fist directly at his cheek and moves forward to push the other towards the counter.

hunso is in no way stable enough to fight and the other was much more sober than he was. the punch comes almost out of no where and hunso steps back, nostrils flaring. authoritative screams surround them and before he could punch the other back, a few men pull him away from the male. hunso struggles to break free from their grasps, so he stops but keeps his body tense, not feeling as if there had been enough justice for him. “get out of here, now!” the bouncers scream, making hunso wince at how close they were to his ear.

“let’s fucking go.” he tells hyorin, forcing their hands off of him before turning around. it was too crowded to forward the fight and already a some of the men were taking care of the other male. hunso slurs the taste of blood inside his mouth until spitting it out once he reached outside. it was cold, but it felt good against his burning body. the doors close behind them and once again they were alone. he doesn’t look at her, instead hunso takes out his phone and calls a cab. he had expected this to be like before. hanging with friends, drinking, and having a good time. instead he’s given ex drama and getting kicked out for the first time. what luck.

[dearfaerie]

carpe diem.

@altcrlife // mincheol & sungho . 4 months ago . rokmc base . gyeonggi-do . 8:15 am

to describe mincheol is to describe a mountain: towering, beautiful, deadly. to want to climb and reach the top is a death wish that will most likely be granted. many have tried, and the same amount have failed. he’s covered in cracks with jagged edges hidden beneath sheets of snow. he’s cold, ruthless, and will make himself tremble just because it’s fun to see someone fall. mincheol has lived this life since he was young for the fear of letting someone reign over him again makes him sick to his stomach. he holds onto the fear to remind him why he should be alone. he holds on to the trauma to remember what others are capable of. if a father could easily beat their son, what kind of challenge does it make for a random stranger? none.

mincheol stands behind groups of families waiting for their loved ones to come out of the giant gates. every one of them hold bouquets of flowers and he notices the scattered stares towards him. he was the empty patch among the garden of roses and it almost makes him feel like a dick coming empty handed. almost. he’s a mystery to them and he finds comfort in that. comfort in them never knowing who he was in the past. to know how fearful he was and waste useless words of pity towards him. there are few now in his life that had made a home out of his gaping wounds, but only one had managed to treat him normally and managed to climb him with ease.

the gates finally open after a few minutes and everyone beings to scream out names, each voice engulfing the other as if they were fighting for a single person out of hundreds. however mincheol is silent. unmoved from his spot while others stepped forward to hug their tear-eyed soldiers. he watches as they spread out towards groups until one familiar face stands alone by the entrance. one fucked up face. smoke leaves his lips, like a signal for the other to see. he steps forward, making the effort to meet sungho half way, away from the crowd. 

“you look like shit.” he comments, reaching to his back pocket and takes out a new pack of cigarettes. sungho’s favorite brand. before giving the other his welcome back gift, he opens it up himself, taking one out. “apology accepted.” he smiles, although barely visible, but it’s there. when the other left without a word, mincheol didn’t know how to react. it was a strange feeling, like a part of him broke off and without it he wasn’t the same. but never did mincheol feel hatred. instead, he understood. sungho wasn’t like him and he had to do what felt needed to be done. “let’s get out of here, i’m starving.”

[dearfaerie]

long way home.

@ppllvns​ // mincheol & hyunsu . alleyway . 7:40 pm

mincheol has a way to get into peoples heads. burring himself deep inside of them until he can rip them from inside out. he’s sick, twisted, messed up in ways he’s long stopped trying to fix. he no longer blames his past- he was simply born this way. he was born to raise chaos on himself, the world, and on the unfortunate souls treading on his path. he’s a broken human with a functioning beating heart he’s never gotten used to and dysfunctional feelings he’s unfamiliar with. everything in between are useless abstractions.

this foundation he’s grown himself into is the most comfortable version of himself. he succumbed to his demons, letting them eat him whole until there was nothing of his past-self alive. he had this aloofness to him, a careless view towards the world and it was unfortunate for his first boy to take the role of the guinea pig in this newly formed life. mincheol didn’t think much about their relationship, or whatever it was. he didn’t think of how long it was lasting or how sleeping with someone, someone with a functioning mind, could bring out some of those in-between feelings he’s learned to suppress. in the end, he was reckless and the other was too perceptive of his own feelings... it all had to end.

mincheol closes in the flame with his hand as he lights up the cigarette in between his lips. it was best to smoke in cold weather as it brought the perfect balance of warmth and tranquility as he walks the empty road heading towards home. he takes a deep drag before letting his hand fall to his side. the amount of silence unsettles him after being used to never-ending ruckus at home. the feeling forces him to be wary of his surroundings; he wasn’t an innocent person and he knows his worth in this world. it’s never wrong to keep an eye out. 

instead of finding danger from the filthy alleyway he crosses, he takes a few steps back and waits for the struggling body stand up from the concrete. he blows out the smoke formed in his lungs and stands there looking for the face he wonders is one he recognizes. and it is. mincheol flicks the cigarette butt from his hand and pushes it inside his coat pocket. it isn’t a surprise that it’s hyunsu across from him, rather it was nostalgic. a form of déjà vu except it has happened before yet he knew it wouldn’t be the same as before. the other had become more distant every since that night not long ago-- he’s noticed, but he’s thought nothing about it.

“the fuck did you do this time?” he questions, ignoring the fact hyunsu hadn’t come home for weeks now. it wasn’t anything new. it wasn’t anything worth asking either. he continues to stand there, watching as the other struggles to move his bruised body and pretend everything is okay. pretend that he doesn’t need him, and still, mincheol stays just as he always has. silent with a bored expression on his face, knowing fully well that hyunsu needs him whether he wants to accept it or not.

[dearfaerie]

clipped wings.

@zanyara​ // seoul penitentiary . block c - cell 7 . 8:00 am

the main thing a prisoner gets used to is routine. wake up early in the morning, clean, eat, work, eat, sleep, and the cycle continues. of course there are days where the routine changes such as holidays, inspection days, visitations... but the more drastic changes is having a new cellmate. after being in this hellhole for more than 3 years, minsung has seen people come and go. the departing is easy to get accustomed to for there is no attachment, ever. the arrivals on the other hand are more complex to situate with. some come with this god complex that takes time to diminish. some come with fear and it’s almost impossible to calm them. others are simply angry at the world and those are the worst for minsung. with the announcement of a new cellmate, minsung exhaled in defeat. just a few months ago someone came in and boy was he a handful. minsung prayed this one will be different.

praying is useless, minsung learned after the new arrival. no sungha is the name and to minsung’s misfortune, the other was hard to deal with. as a changed man, he learned to keep his cool. if this kid arrived earlier, he would not hesitate to fill the kid’s mouth with blood. sarcastic, lazy, ill-tempered- he sympathized too much to the kid, but it didn’t mean he would be lenient towards the other. minsung is kneeling on the floor, folding his thin blue blanket as he watches the other still resting. “kid, wake up.” he speaks sternly. “this isn’t a vacation spot. you should know that already.” he stands up and picks up his mattress to the corner of the room and folds it in place.

minsung is always up early on sundays. sundays have always been cleaning days for him because cell checks tend to be scheduled on these days. when a cell is clean, the better chances of the inmates in having merits on their record. merits wouldn’t affect his record much, but it never hurt to gain them either. but the fact that his mate wasn’t cooperating, it irked him to the bone. after being alone for a few months, he’s adapted well to keeping a clean record of himself, but just looking at the kid’s punchable face really tests his patience. “clean the floors and dust off the place. i’ll clean the bathroom and the dishes.” minsung likes to keep things simple and fair, and splitting the chores is the only logical thing to do. so he orders only when needed and is lax when something it’s as important.

[twentysixdegrees]

*_mayday

[dearfaerie]

twentysixdegrees:

with the rest of the class gone, she lets her posture relax, the smile on her face melting from friendly to fond. “it’s sweet.” leaning over the podium while coaxing his face up from his arms, she kisses him just to the side of his mouth, fingers curled around his chin. “i like it most when your voice gets rumbly because you’re tired–but you just won’t go home because you’re stubborn. or when you fall in and out of sleep on the phone with me, trying to keep me company on a late night.” she really should lean back, but jungah finds herself caught in this in-between moment with their faces still together. “you’re the sweetest, you know.”

this waiting, anticipating, and discreteness of their relationship turned from torture into a simple pleasure in life. minjae’s known to pursue his wants and needs and rarely does it ever not go his way, except for this time, at first. he knew what he was getting into, but he did not know it was going to be this enthralling. as if they were connected by a rope, she pulls whenever it’s convenient and later is left wanting more. but minjae isn’t one to turn into a fool. no, he takes a hold of the rope linking them both and finds his own little ways to tie her along as well. it’s a playful yet dangerous game they’re playing, but the more time spent playing, the more he wants to reach the end game.

simple pleasures meant watching as she puts on this role as a professor while fully knowing what kind of person she is. watching as she looks around the room and locking eyes while fully knowing that the looks exchanged aren’t as innocent as if it were with someone else. the simple pleasure meant being a secret among the world and having each other like that is so thrilling.

minjae’s smile grows the more she speaks, letting out a small chuckle here and there, enjoying the praises and gentle teases by her. he shrugs, a smug look on his face- unfazed over his double personality that somehow easily appears around her. normally he’s a chill guy, manly as some may say. but this cheesy guy comes out to play once in a while, but is only out just with her. embarrassing as it is, it’s as genuine as it’ll ever be.

and with a slam of the door echoing throughout the room, the mood finally changes. minjae narrows his eyes towards her as she leans in, letting her control him for the moment. he closes his eyes, a smile forming as her lips touch the corner of his mouth. he doesn’t move just yet but takes in the scent of the sweetness on her lips. she continues singing melodies into his ears, indulging himself in the moment in learning just how much she’s noticed about him.

“i know.” he whispers, tilting his head to one side, teasing a kiss that never comes for he leans back, opening his eyes just to see her leaning towards him for a change. “you’ve become quite daring. kissing a student in class- i’m shocked.” he says, feigning an innocence that both know is bullshit. still, bringing up their titles never gets old, it just makes this just as exciting. “didn’t think you liked me that much, jungah.” he took pleasure in getting rid of the formality in his sentences and calling her in a first-name basis. these alone times are the only times he could become himself and speak in ways he can’t with anyone else.

[dearfaerie]

don’t let me go.

[dearfaerie]

softprose:

miran squeezes her eyes shut, the sight of yejin ( her beautiful, precious yejin ) too much for her to bear. “w- we were supposed to travel the world together,” she manages to say through all her ugly tears and snot. “you were s- supposed to get better, a- and we were supposed to grow old together.”

who’s going to love her now? how will anyone possibly love her as openly and wholeheartedly as yejin once did.

as yejin still does, even now, as nothing more than an apparition of her mind.

“it sh- should’ve been me.”

i wanted it to be me.

yejin did not fear death. she did not fear it because she knew at least the pain will only last as long as it needs to. she did not fear because she would not have to miss miran and miran only needed to miss her whenever she thought of her. she had the chance to move on and start a life with someone else and she wouldn’t have to know. but death had it’s own sick games just as life did.

if she isn’t afraid, i’ll make her afraid.

could that have been its thoughts? did yejin have to beg for her life in order to lose it?

within her hollow body, sadness piles until it can’t hold anymore yet she could not show the pain she feels. there is nothing inside. nothing functioning. nothing to make her believe she is alive. there are no such things as tears and it makes her feel lifeless. nothing makes sense.

yejin moves forward towards miran the moment the other starts speaking, breaking her concentration on her own paradox. she sits on the bed, leaving no indentation of her existence and her limbs naturally embrace the other, not realizing they slipped right through her.

yejin holds in her anger and frustration. as much as she wants to scream out and cry, even now she knows she had been the strongest one in situations like these. yejin looks at miran intently, prying her eyes to look at her. “miran, focus on me, baby.” she whispers. “don’t say that, please.” what yejin did fear was losing miran. never would she ever wish her lover to pass away just like she did. there is no romance in dying in ones place. if she had to choose, she’d choose herself in a heartbeat. despite being the stronger one out of the two, yejin would have never moved on. at least miran could. she knew she could.

“i don’t know why i’m here.” she says after a moment of silence, taking in the reality once more. “i don’t know how i got here,” she looks at the other, restraining the urge to reach out to the other and face failure. “but i don’t want to waste this... even like this.”

“i want to do all those things with you... we can still do everything because like this, i will never leave you now.”

[tiintenherz]

power & control

[dearfaerie]

tiintenherz:

“i’ve heard you got married,” he says as a way of greeting and hyorin just nods, looking at her drink. “where is he? is he here?” he gets close to her and she shrugs, who knows. “why are you here alone?”

“because i want to.” hyorin finally speaks, finishing her drink as fast as she can. “i have to go, nice seeing you.” she gets up and stumbles a bit, minhyuk reaching up to hold her wrist. “thanks,” hyorin turns to leave but he is still holding her. “you can let me go now.”

“you don’t love him, do you?” he asks, his grip on her skin tightening. hyorin doesn’t answer. “i knew it. whatever he has on you, it doesn’t matter, we can run away together.”

she laughs, throwing her head back. “don’t be stupid and let me go now.” hyorin sighs, she doesn’t want to make a scene or the word will surely get to ger father again. “i’m serious, let me go.” hyorin looks around, nervous. it’s just like her to end in this type of situation. all she wanted was a night out and now this happens, she thinks. her father won’t be pleased to hear about it.

adrenaline finally flows through him the moment the strong bass enters his ears and the smell of intoxicated people fill his lungs. yes, this is his element. hunso belongs here: there is indescribable comfort being around his friends and women that naturally become more beautiful as he drinks. he dismisses hyorin’s words with a simple “yeah” while his eyes search for the familiar faces among the crowd. it doesn’t take long though. waving hands catch his attention away from his reality and he greets this escape with open arms. one to pat his friend on the back and the other to wrap around an unknown woman’s waist.

“how much did you bet?” from the spiteful look in his friend’s eyes, he knew hunso’s arrival created a loss for him and it forced a laugh out of him. “i told you i wasn’t done yet, bro.” he pulls the woman closer and looks at her hungrily. “let’s get shit started!”

the expensive bottles filled their small table and hunso comes back with someone new from the dance floor. he lets out a small cheer along with his friends as they raise their glasses up. he lets his head fall back and lets the burning liquid run down his throat.

“pour me another.” he orders as he tries to compose himself with the help from the woman besides him. his friend takes the bottle and tips it over his glass where only droplets barely coat the bottom of the glass. “fuck it. i’ll get something for myself.” he leaves everyone behind as he makes his way towards the bar, pushing through the crowd rather than walking around like a normal person. hunso easily spots the blonde with bright red clothes sitting at the bar, but someone else is besides her. he looks away, shrugging off any sort of curiosity this buzzed state is bringing him and ends up a few seats away from them. 

he waits for the bartender to finish up the previous patron’s drinks. meanwhile, his gaze lands on hyorin once again. this time, however, she is standing while her companion holds a stern look on his face. the scene is blurry to him at first, but he blinks a few times to focus and hears a faint laughter from her. it was the same tone she’d use with him whenever she thought his words were absurdities. something wasn’t right.

hunso pushes himself away from the counter and scoots his way towards them, right away noticing the hold on hyorin’s wrist. without words, he pushes the man’s shoulder in a way to grab his attention. “i’ll fucking hurt you if you don’t let her go.” usually hunso has a filter installed in him, but the amount of glasses he filled up completely erased it. he steps closer to intimidate him, taking hyorin’s wrist and pulling her to the side.

[tiintenherz]

power & control

[dearfaerie]

tiintenherz:

she twists a strand of blond hair on her finger, looking nonchalantly at her husband. “give me twenty minutes, light of my life.” hyorin gets up, stopping on her tracks to look back at him. “you should change your clothes too, you know.” there is a wicked smile on her lips, “your shirt smells like me and there’s nothing less attractive than the smell of another woman.” hyorin turns, smiling happily. hunso can whore around all he wants, but in the end he is hers, and for some reason she can’t understand that makes her happy, or something very close to it.

hunso nods, taking a quick bite before having it taken away. he licks the corner of his upper lip to taste the last of the sweet icing he knew he wasn’t going to taste again for the moment.

maybe it wouldn’t be too bad-- death by cupcake. it would be a hell of a story and a representation of their relationship: sweet on the outside, toxic on the inside. not that he thought it was completely toxic as some would view it. compared to his previous relationships, this one is the most sane. no petty drama, secrets, or playing ‘guess my feelings’ daily. at least with hyorin there is brutal honesty all-around. there’s not much more he’d ask for.

“he has a point though. you should treat me better.” he simpered, leaning back onto the couch with the phone in hand. “i did save your family’s ass by accepting this marriage.” he doesn’t look at her, not entirely. he gives short glances towards her as his thumb navigates on the screen.

“but don’t worry yourself, babe. i don’t expect much of you.” hunso rarely gives a fuck about anything or anyone. it’s a complex he’s adapted and everyone is drawn into, along with his money. he’s rude, yes, but isn’t that what keeps things interesting? there’s no fun in romance and if he’s going to be stuck with her, might as well stoke the fire. 

her words are uncanny and it makes hunso lift up his head- a little too late to see her face. he pulls a corner of his collar and inhales the light fragrance he’s familiarized himself with from the nights he spends with her. while it is great advice, hunso couldn’t help but wonder when she stared caring about anything related to him. smelling like someone else isn’t something hunso notices or even tries to hide. he assumes word about him is out there and nobody should be surprised if he ends up smelling like a concoction of perfumes. 

regardless, he leaves the living room and goes into his closet room (yes, closet room) and picks out the first black articles of clothing he sees. black dress shirt, black dress pants, black blazer, black shoes. black was such a simple color with a bold statement. plus, it was easier to wear rather than color. he looks at himself in the mirror for a moment before walking out to wait for hyorin by the entrance.