Dear Google...?

What I googled today... And why...

[deargoogle2015-blog]

Tiny Elephants

Dear Google,

How can I get a tiny elephant?

Google: You can purchase a tiny elephant that is either Jewelry, a tattoo, or go to a cafe in New Jersey called Tiny Elephant.

Dear Google,

What about a genetically modified Elephant? I really want one. Can I find one of those?

Google: Look, you can get genetically modified plants and vegetables, sea horses, pigs even human babies, but you cannot get a genetically modified elephant. They don’t exist.

Dear Google,

… Yet. They don’t exist, yet.

[deargoogle2015-blog]

Indolence

Dear Google,

What is Indolence?

Google: avoidance of activity or exertion; laziness….

[deargoogle2015-blog]

#wip

Dear Google, What the heck does #wip stand for?? Google:

Work. In. Progess.  Kinda like you girl. Burrnnnnn. 

[deargoogle2015-blog]

Hyperbole

Dear Google, What is hyperbole? It's sounds like a chronic illness where you break into fits of hyper behaviors caused by hives. Google: It's an exaggeration or overstatement that shouldn't be taken literally or seriously. A good example is what you thought the definition was.

[deargoogle2015-blog]

Thinkological

Dear Google,

What is Thinkological?

Google: It’s not a word.

Dear Google,

Are you sure? The person who used it in a sentence is really clever.

Google: Girl, it’s not a word, deal with it.

[deargoogle2015-blog]

Dear Google, Which place is more beautiful, Long Island or Sonoma County? Google: What do you think?

[deargoogle2015-blog]

Quinoa

Dear Google,

I know I've asked before, but what is the nutritional value of quinoa?

Google: 

Dear Google,

I still don't understand. I'll ask again later. 

[deargoogle2015-blog]

Ljubljana

Dear Google,

This dude said he was going to meet a friend in Ljubljana. Hahaha that’s a miss spelling right? What is Ljubljana?

Google: Ljubljana is the capital of Slavenia… Which is the country this dude is from. Get it together Girl.

[deargoogle2015-blog]

Natalie Dormer

Dear Google, Who is Natalie Dormer? She seems to be of interest to a lot of people these days...  Google: Oh you know, just one of the leading stars in the incredibly popular Game of Thrones series, maybe you’ve heard of it. She is pretty babely if I do say so myself. 

Also this: http://the-toast.net/2015/04/07/natalie-dormer-girlfriend/

[deargoogle2015-blog]

#yolo

Dear Google,

What is this “yolo” thing the kids are always saying and hash tagging?

Google: You only live once… And obviously you’ve forgotten to join in…

[deargoogle2015-blog]

(va)Jazzle

Dear Google, We have been drinking all night. Do women really glue diamonds to their bare crotches? Please tell me vagazzling isn’t real....  Google: First off, it’s vaJazzling.  Vajazzle is a form of genital decoration, formed by the application of crystal ornaments on the shaved pubic area of a woman. The process is known as vajazzling. And you are not alone here. The phenomenon was popularized by singer Jennifer Love Hewitt, who devoted a chapter in her book The Day I Shot Cupid to vajazzling. During a promotional interview on a US talk show in January 2010 they advised the female part "to their vajazzlen vajayjays" her audience ("vajazzle their vajayjays"). Vajazzle became the most searched term on Google for the following day. I am so sorry.  Dear Google, Holy. Shit. 

[deargoogle2015-blog]

Dom

Dear Google,

What is Dom? A dude just asked me if I knew what that was.

Google: The Document Object Model (DOM) is a programming interface for HTML, XML and SVG documents.

Dear Google,

NO ITS NOT! IT’S A GUY WHO LIKES TO BE THE DOMINANT IN A DOM/SUBMISSIVE SEXUAL AND ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP!

[deargoogle2015-blog]

mackerel

Dear Google,

My friend thinks mackerel is a bird. What is mackerel?

Google: it's a fish Girl, it's a fish.