Dear Me of the Future

I am a former businessman of misery. The hard times in life defined who I am today, but sometimes it takes repetition for a lesson to stick. I live with no regrets; mistakes must be made. But I'll take my mistakes to make a better me. "Dear Me" tags are letters to me of the future with concerns, advice, or lessons that I think I will need. "Missouri Business" has my posts about the hardest time of my life and the lessons I still try to keep from that. "Why I Love" are about why various things are so dear to my heart.

[dearmeofthefuture]

Why I Love the X-Men

So I make it very apparent that I absolutely love the X-Men. In fact, it’s usually one of the first things people learn about me. However, my relationship with X-Men is kind of strange. I fell in love with them from the TV show X-Men: Evolution which is very different from the comics and just about every other kind of media in which the X-Men have taken form. Yet in every single form they’ve come, I’ve loved it. The comic books, the other TV shows, the video games, they all appeal to me so much. Not a lot of people are fans of everything that’s come out, and that’s understandable seeing how they all differ from each other so much. But I kind of relate it to seeing a movie about my friends: even if it’s wildly inaccurate, I’d still kind of like it just because my friends are in it.

So it goes with the X-Men. I admit, I’m nowhere near the hardcore fan level. Sure, I’ve read many of the comics, but there are entire decades of comics that I have yet to catch up on, with little to no effort from me being put into that end. I’ve seen all the shows and movies, but I can’t quite quote anything meaningful from them or perfectly remember all the episodes. So no, I’m not the #1 super fan.

In today’s world especially, when someone finds out that I like the X-Men, they transfer that to “superheroes” and most people either assume that the X-Men are not my favorite or they can’t see why I’d like them the most. After all, the Avengers are “more fun,” Batman has “better movies,” Superman would win in a fight, Spider-Man is more appealing, and Deadpool has “the best comics.” And you know what, for the most part, they’re right.

Since the first Iron Man movie’s release in 2008, Marvel has found massive success in marketing their beloved all-star team to the general public. Movie after movie has been hit after hit. Iron Man, Captain America, Hulk, and Thor’s faces and symbols are plastered just about everywhere. It’s just about impossible to go through a day without seeing something about them or referencing them somewhere.

Most people I talk to still reference The Dark Knight as the best superhero movie ever. And yes, it was very good. There is no denying that. “Best” is a vague term, but sure, I’ll even give them that. Batman is very dark, very intellectual, and most of all, very believable compared to the majority of superhero films, and these are qualities that most moviegoers of today hold dear.

Superman is a classic superhero. The superhero of all superheroes. I have no idea if he is the “first” superhero, if he is the reason they are called “super” heroes, or whatever, but I’d believe that if you told me. And yes, he is probably the most powerful mainstream superhero there is. With kryptonite/lead/magic (or other weaknesses I don’t know about) out of the way, he could easily defeat everyone I’ve mentioned so far and will mention for the rest of this article should he want to. Liking him is like liking pepperoni pizza; you can’t really go wrong with a classic.

Spider-Man of course is, I believe, still the number one superhero. Even with his movies not quite doing as well as the others, he still gains the most money of them all. And yes, it’s because he, too, is awesome. He has stories that can be both heart-wrenching and fun. He is young, nerdy, relatable, and funny. His powers allow for dynamic visuals, and he’s just awesome, pure and simple.

And while Iron Man and Spider-Man are pretty funny, Deadpool is hands down the most hilarious. With Ryan Reynolds reprising his role in a new movie that will most likely get the character right this time, there will only be tons and tons more fans. He already had a huge following and is almost as unavoidable as all the others mentioned above. Although I’m sure other characters have been previously invented that are similar to him, Deadpool has taken the fourth wall, sarcastic remarks, self-awareness, and extreme violence into his own, bundled up trademarked humorous package.

So yes, I’m guessing at least 75% of all casual (as in not very involved with superheroes) consumers will say that their favorite superhero is one of the above. Throw in Wolverine, and I’ll make it 80%. And yes, as I explained, they are loved and adored for very good reason. So then why are the X-Men my favorite?

Because they are not these things.

Okay, well, some of them are some of these things. And that’s the thing. (I’m obviously a great writer cuz I say “thing” a lot. Please forgive my sarcasm.)

The Avengers are the all-stars. To Marvel, they always have been and most likely always will be. After Batman Forever almost killed the superhero movie genre (sorry, but it’s true. Don’t get mad at me, I was a Batman Forever fan back then, although I was also only 3), X-Men brought it back. Of course, X-Men, Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, and the other Marvel movies didn’t really make as much of an impact as Iron Man and the following movies that were actually made by Marvel Studios. Before Iron Man, the Avengers and the individual characters were just names to the general public. People knew of Iron Man, Captain America, and the others, but they didn’t really know what their civilian names were, or why they chose a life of a superhero, or who their villains were, or things like that. As soon as Marvel saw that they could push their all-stars into the spotlight, they did.

I like to think of that as a metaphor for their world in the comics. In the comics, for the most part, the X-Men are rejects. Lowlifes. Nothings. Their world praises the Avengers as the greatest heroes while the X-Men are, for the most part, hated. In our world, the majority of people love the Avengers, but the X-Men, not so much.

And that’s why I love them.

No, I’m not some hipster dude that likes things just because people don’t like them. I admit, sometimes I like things more when people don’t like them, so it may be a contributing factor but not the sole reason. I’m not one to shy away from liking something just because it’s mainstream (Hey, Rihanna!) But no, I love that the X-Men are hated because I can relate. I know what it feels like to be a reject. I know what it feels like to be a lowlife. I know what it feels like to be treated like nothing. But the greatest thing to me is that they never stop fighting for the greater good no matter what happens.

Sure, a lot of the aforementioned heroes had their struggles and were at one point down in the dumps. But eventually, the world started cheering for them (I am talking about their general story, I’m sure each of them have gone through the world hating them at one point or another). I am not disregarding any of their struggles, but it just stands out to me personally that the X-Men fight for people who hate them.

Maybe X-Men didn’t start this way, but over time, they have come to represent the minorities. As an Asian who grew up in primarily white areas, as a religious person who is around people whom have been abused by people claiming to be of the same religion, and as a shy person who never seemed to fit in, I see myself as a “mutant.” I know, I’m not much of an outcast as I could be, but it’s enough to see myself in their shoes. (And please do not get me started on people who say the X-Men are a metaphor for the LGBT community. Yes, they are a minority, yes, they have every right to see the X-Men the way I do, but no, they are not the only minority and have definitely not been the main focus of the metaphor). As a “mutant,” I need to fight for what’s right, no matter what the costs.

As such, the X-Men have gathered a roster of diverse, inspiring people. A skinny boy. A rich kid. A malformed boy. A goofball. A girl with her heart on her sleeve. A Catholic German. A short, hairy, angry Canadian. A loud Irishman. A Kenyan pickpocket. A hotheaded Japanese man. An artistic Russian. A hopeful teenage girl. A needy southern belle. A British model in a Japanese assassin’s body. A disco singer. A Cajun thief.

And these are only the ones I bothered to mention. Sure, some other heroes could match these descriptions, but my point is that these are not the typical descriptions of superheroes. And to be fair, most of these descriptions only apply to their origins, and other heroes could be similarly described before they became who they were.

But let’s be real. We don’t have a genius-level inventor with irresistible wit and charm and seemingly endless money. Sure, Forge’s got the brains, Gambit’s got the personality, and Angel/Emma’s got the money, but none of them really amount to anything next to Iron Man. Don’t get me wrong, I love Iron Man, but he is meant to be loved.

None of them are a super soldier (Cable’s quite a soldier though) or a god (Storm claimed to be one) or a giant super-strong monster (Colossus is strong, but not that strong. So is Juggernaut, if you count him).

None of them are all-powerful aliens (I think Superman could still easily defeat Dark Phoenix) or all-knowing detectives (Psylocke could do the martial arts, Professor X or Beast could do the knowledge, but let’s face it, Batman could beat any of them really) or insanely hilarious (Iceman and Nightcrawler are quite hilarious though).

Next to most other heroes, they’re ordinary. And they all started as ordinary people and didn’t ask for this. They didn’t ask to be different. Most of them didn’t even aspire to making the world a better place or even to be able to fight.

We are thrown into this world, and whether we like it or not, we are supposed to fight for what is right. Sometimes we don’t like who we end up in life with. Sometimes traumatic things happen. Sometimes we end up with too much on our plate.

No matter what, we just need to keep on living and keep on fighting.

[dearmeofthefuture]

Watch how fast your friends drop other friends.

And by that, I don't mean backstabbers or whatever. I mean the kinds of friends who talk about old friendships like they meant absolutely nothing to them.

If they were hurt or something, that's a whole different story. But if they had to drop the friendship because of distance or whatever reason, listen to how they talk about that old friendship.

Because, chances are, you'll be separated from that friend one day. If they talk about old friends like sweet memories, then yeah, if they happen to be in town, maybe it would be nice to chat and catch up.

But if they talk about old friends like they were never important, then don't bother with them anymore. If you're not old news to them yet, you will be soon. Some people deserve to just be memories.

[dearmeofthefuture]

"Feel The Warmth. We'll Never Die."

This started out as a joke, but the more I think about it, the cooler I think it would be to do it.

My 7 best friends and I have grown up together. We were friends long before any of us hit the 2-digit ages, and we are still friends now. Throughout the years, we've always played Super Smash Bros., from the Nintendo 64 one till the new one now.

This new one has added the 8-player feature as well as the new Amiibo feature, a little toy figure that is a character from the game that you can train to fight as an AI. Here is my idea:

We each get an Amiibo for our favorite character. For me, that would be Yoshi cuz I've stuck with him through all these years. Years and years from now (hopefully) when the first of us passes away, we'll still play Smash, but our missing friend's Amiibo will take his place. As each of us pass away, our Amiibo will take our place.

Then, the last of us will be gone.

8 Amiibos.

Final Destination.

Infinite time / Infinite stock.

[dearmeofthefuture]

Dear Friends Who Have Kept My Drawings,

Thank you so much. You are literally the best.

In my knowledge, there comes a time in every artist's life when they are hurt.  When they are told their drawings (or whatever medium) are bad, or inaccurate, or sloppy, or just plain ugly. When an artist pours out his or her life and soul into their piece, and the audience condescendingly says, "What is it?"

Even worse, I believe there comes a time in every artist's life when he or she pours his or her heart and soul into a gift, and the receiver says something like, "What am I supposed to do with this?" Look at the facts.  Arts and crafts is a common hobby for small children.  They make their drawings or coloring pages or macaroni necklace or whatever and they give it proudly to their parents.  But at some point, that stops, doesn't it?  Some artist's lives are cut short, not because of death, but because they decided the heartbreak of artistry is greater than the reward.

Those resilient enough to go on face the same heartbreak.  But let's admit it.  Even if they push on, most of their parents or whoever will stop hanging their artwork on their fridge or in the office or better yet framed on the wall.  I know mine did.  There was no more appreciation.  No more surprise at accomplishment.  No more encouragement.

Mosts artists I know are shy and afraid.  They've been hurt too much and only continue to draw or create whatever because they do it for themselves, which is great.  For me, I kept doing it for my friends too: the ones who still appreciated, the ones who were pleasantly surprised at what I could accomplish, the ones who encourage me to keep doing what I love doing.

For many of my friends, I saw their smiles and thanks.  That alone makes my heart continue to beat.  For fewer of them, I find my drawings in their folders or in some stack of papers in their room.  Thank you for cherishing my gift.  For even fewer, I see my art as their desktop wallpaper or their profile picture or something like that.  I may not show it, but that encourages me beyond the heartbreak.  For a small, small few, they remember what I made for them years ago, or even still have the original for 5 or so years.  A part of me is embarrassed of my old work, but I also know I could never be where I am now without those pieces and without those friends. Lastly, to the ones I can count on one hand who have hung my drawings on their walls or displayed them elsewhere at their homes.  To you, I give my ultimate thanks.  I love you so much.  You may never know how much it means to me, whether or not I very much like the particular pieces I have given you.  Even if you all are somehow gone and the world turns against me, I will still know I am an artist because you at one point believed in me.

[dearmeofthefuture]

10 Movies That Have Changed My Life (and Why I Love Them)

So, seeing as how I hate it when people have unnecessarily long Facebook statuses, I decided to rant on here where next to no one will see this haha. But that's okay, cuz like I always say, this blog is mainly for me, which will hopefully give the few readers some insight or at least to learn more about me.

I ordered my list chronologically (even though the only "rule" I suppose was that there was no order). By chronologically, I do not mean by when the movie was released, or even by when I saw it. I mean chronologically to when it changed my life. So here we go.

1. Aladdin Aladdin was actually released on my birth year, which is partly why I'm so attached to it. I'm sure the first time I saw it, I probably thought nothing of it. But you know, I was raised with this film, as well as many other previously released Disney films, such as Snow White, Pinocchio, Dumbo, The Jungle Book, The Little Mermaid, and Beauty and the Beast. As I grew up and learned what separates Disney movies from other movies, I became obsessed with them. Disney movies inspired much of my love for imagination, art, music, and storytelling. Aladdin in particular has always been (and probably always will be) my favorite Disney movie. I don't think I ever really grasped the fact that he was poor, but I do know he was brave, and that was what I admired most about him. In a world full of big, blond, muscular heroes (the real world, not Aladdin's), Aladdin was a quick, witty, charmingly stupid hero, which is why I looked up to him. Well, that, and he did get Jasmine, who was insanely sexy. Not a lot of movies/shows for kids had girls showing shoulders and midriff back then lol. Jaffar was evil without being too scary, Iago was funny without being to annoying, Abu was cute without trying too hard, Genie was crazy while pulling the right strings, and all the other characters played their part so perfectly for me. To top it off, the songs were great. Back then, I didn't really appreciate them, other than "One Jump Ahead," "Prince Ali," and "A Whole New World." "One Jump Ahead" was a thrilling adventure from start to finish. "Prince Ali" was a grand entrance, and I've always been one to like that sort of thing. But the obvious standout song was "A Whole New World." That song is (and probably will always be) my favorite Disney song. It's so simple, yet so magical. I mean, they travel the world for goodness sake. I don't care if Aladdin was lying, I don't care what other Disney movies have come up with, that was the most romantic scene ever. Ever since I was young, I truly and honestly wanted to find a girl with whom I could sing. The song was not the important part. The thought of finding love, finding someone to share a world with, that was the important part. But let's be honest, if my future girlfriend sings, we'll probably end up singing this one day. After all, it is basically the go-to duet, especially on a karaoke machine. Aladdin has inspired my desire to be brave, my confidence in myself as a hero, my desire for romance, my art style, my inclination to make most of my heroic characters small, young, reckless, but well-meaning boys, and my heart for singing.

2. X-Men Oh gosh, It looks like these paragraphs are going to be really long. Maybe I should've made 10 different posts. But anyway, here we go to number two. In middle school, when I was 12, I remember I rented the X-Men: Evolution DVD's from Blockbuster. I was immediately hooked. Till then, my favorite shows had been Dragon Ball Z, Digimon, and Pokémon. No offense to those shows, but DBZ and Digimon got pretty dark and intense, while nothing ever really happened in Pokémon. X-Men: Evolution, however, seemed to be the right amount of lightheartedness and action. It also had a great message about being an outcast, which I felt from a very young age, cuz let's admit it, I was a weird kid, and I still am. Being Asian, being raised differently, being shy, and having too wild of an imagination all contributed to me being an outcast. I'm not this amazing person who can singlehandedly change the world. Nor am I a pity case who had a horrible trauma happen to me. I was just a kid who was a little bit off, a little bit different, and needed his friends to get by. That was what the X-Men meant to me. I'll probably make another post about this to explain in excruciatingly more detail. My parents had a strict rule about not watching any PG-13 movies until I turned 13 (with a few exceptions here and there when family movie night included a PG-13 movie they previously screened). Once I turned 13, the first PG-13 movie I rented was X-Men, since I loved the show so much. It was fantastic. The characters that I had fallen in love with in Evolution and in the few comics I read were alive. Storm was beautiful, Wolverine had real sweat, and Mystique made an impression on my young mind lol. A man even melted on screen. For years to come, I would become obsessed with all mutants, then all Marvel, but the X-Men are always my number one. Each successive movie to come out was a huge hit for me, and all of them would have been on this list if it was a list of my favorite movies. X-Men made me feel like I could change the world, made me accept my differences, made me realize the importance of friendship and teamwork, made me try to see from others' point of view, dove me into my favorite franchise of all time, and inspired most of my fictional characters.

3. A Goofy Movie Technically, the list is a little out of chronological order, but I had to put X-Men up a bit simply because of the impact it has had on my life and the expectedness of it to be on this list. While Aladdin was my childhood, A Goofy Movie was probably the Disney movie (or movie in general) that I watched the most as I neared the pre-teen years. Possibly simply for the reason that I had the VHS with me a lot for some reason. I love the movie (except for a few scenes, namely the possum scene, we don't talk about that). As I grew less reliant on my parents, I would remember this movie. There will always be issues, but parents (or, at least most parents, including mine, which is the information most relevant to me) are always well-meaning. My parents love me and don't mean to annoy me, even though we are almost literally from different worlds. Also, this is basically the only real exposure I got to any of the Fab Five, so that's cool. But most of all, this movie had the greatest impact of any movie on my love for music. While Aladdin had one hit song for me along with a couple of alright songs, every single song in A Goofy Movie was much more inspiring to me and spoke out to me more (except, like I said, the possum song). While "Stand Out" and "I 2 I" have lyrics relevant to the story, they were not used as part of the musical storyline per-se, which is why I loved them. They were like actual songs you could just pop in and not turn your life into a musical. "After Today" had one of the most relevant lyrics I've ever heard, and "Nobody Else But You" actually had the message of the movie within it, while also having fantastic harmonies despite the fact that Goofy was one of the singers. All in all, the music has pushed me toward "normal" music. A Goofy Movie taught me that my parents mean well, as well as opened the doors for me to love music, appreciate different kinds of music, dream of performances, and inspired me to sing.

4. The Emperor’s New Groove Oh look, another Disney movie. Sure, Aladdin and A Goofy Movie were integral to my childhood, but The Emperor's New Groove was the first Disney movie that was mine. Let me clarify. I grew up around the first two movies. I didn't really understand them. Many other Disney movies came out over those years that I didn't really understand unless I watched them again and again. The first movie I remember watching new was Hercules, and I was too afraid of Hades to know what was going on. I remember watching Mulan in theaters, but I only remembered the comical value of it. A Bug's Life was the first one I think I really understood, and yes, it did make a huge impact on me, but its message did not exactly stick with me as well as The Emperor's New Groove. It's true, The Emperor's New Groove is mostly a comedy, and I absolutely loved it for that. It is hilarious, filled with hilarious moments and characters. However, the storyline really spoke to me too. I believe I share a lot in common with Kuzco. We act the same, and back then I was really spoiled. I remember complaining about things, and my friends would take it as bragging, while I would find them as legitimate problems. I may not have been an emperor, but I was definitely not poor. Kuzco had to let go of his problems to see others' problems to help them out, which in turn helped him gain real friends. That really spoke to me. The Emperor's New Groove taught me that not everybody has the same things, that not all problems are legitimate, and that looking at things from others' perspectives can help build friendships.

5. Bridge to Terabithia Wow. Another Disney movie. At least this one's not animated. I read Bridge to Terabithia in middle school, and absolutely loved it. I am a shy artist with strict (but loving) parents who do not quite understand my imaginative mind, so I related to Jesse a lot. I also hold my friends over almost anything else in the world, so I could relate to Jesse and Leslie's closeness. I also admire people like Leslie, who have an openness and happiness to them. *SPOILER ALERT* When Leslie has the accident, I was so mad at Jesse and the book in general. I thought it was so stupid, but I figured I liked the book since I was having such strong feelings about it. I thought I would hate the movie as much as I hated the book, but the movie brought a whole new perspective to me. Their love for each other became more meaningful, and the accident seemed much less like Jesse's fault. I have yet to cry in a movie, but this got me the closest I have ever been. There is nothing I would hate more than losing my friends. With that combined with how much I related to Jesse, the fiction of it seemed all to real to me. Later that year, I had to move away from all my friends. Sure, they didn't die, but I felt like I was losing all of them. And this movie was there for me, to teach me to keep imagining. Bridge to Terabithia taught me to keep imagining, to keep on living, to appreciate our friends and loved ones, and to appreciate others for who they are.

6. The Ultimate Gift In 2008 I moved out of state, away from all my friends. To me, that was like losing everything. I'm extremely shy, so it was difficult for me to make new friends. The whole experience was a nightmare, and I hated everything about that other place. In one of my classes, we had to watch this movie, The Ultimate Gift. Since most Christian movies I had seen up to this point were well-meaning but cheesy, I did not expect much for this one. No offense to them. I mean, they are for a very specific audience, and they do well serving that audience without crossing the many boundaries there may be as far as conservative audiences go. Sure, The Ultimate Gift was not exactly groundbreaking, but it really spoke to me. As I have previously explained under The Emperor's New Groove, I relate to rich characters a lot. The main character Jason first of all has an awesome name, but obviously one that I quickly resonated with. He was rich but then technically loses everything, in a way similar to me. He had to learn how to work and love and stuff like that, which is exactly what I felt like I was going through. He goes through a lot of crap, but in the end, he makes great use out of his experiences and his wealth. The Ultimate Gift taught me to push on when all seems lost, that belongings aren't everything, that helping others is one of the most important things you could do in this world, and that loving is always top priority.

7. Toy Story 3 Now, you're probably thinking, "The third one? What are you talking about? What about the first one?" Or not, cuz you're probably just me, and I already knew that the first one wouldn't be on here. Yes, like Aladdin and A Goofy Movie, I grew up with the first Toy Story and loved it, as well as the second one. The reason the third one resonated with me more is because it directly related to current events. It was released the summer after I graduated high school. Both Andy and I were ready to move away to college. The years between the second and the third movies were eventful, for both me and Woody. I already wrote what happened to me, and thankfully, I had moved back home. Woody went through some tough times too, RIP Bo Peep. But there were more adventures to be had, more fighting for things to stay the same, and more letting things go. Toy Story 3 taught me that friendship is important, but sometimes people need to be let go. Memories will always be there. Growing up means different things for different people.

8. Peter Pan Speaking of growing up, what the heck is this 1953 movie doing all the way down here? Well, after moving a couple times and going through some horrible years of college, I decided that "growing up" wasn't all that it was cut out to be. Plus, my face hasn't aged a day since I was 17. That being said, I grew an affinity for Peter Pan. After all, he never grew up, never wants to, and has a happy life. I also love the 2003 Peter Pan movie, and all the many incarnations/spin-offs there have been of the story. I'm still readying the book, oops. The Disney movie was never my favorite because it made me uncomfortable. The scarily portrayed natives, the near-death experiences, the silliness of the character designs, and the wildness of it all never really resonated with me. Instead, I had to delve deeper into the characters themselves to gain an appreciation, namely Peter Pan and Wendy. Peter never learns since he never grows up, but Wendy had a difficult time being happy since she wanted to grow up too fast. There is probably a perfect line in between somewhere, but who can find it? Peter Pan taught me that growing up isn't really priority, that happiness is important, that staying immature isn't the best option either, that love needs to be grown into, that parents should be valued, that boyish recklessness can be a good thing, and that being young should be treasured.

9. The Breakfast Club Yay, the 3rd non-Disney movie on this list, lol. Yeah, I don't know why no "new release" has not made a huge impact on me since Toy Story 3, but then again, I guess the hits throughout the years aren't chronologically consistent? Anyway, I finally got around to watching this movie one day last year when I was bored and surfing Netflix. I fell in love with it. It was such a simple concept. One setting and basically only five characters (I know there's more than that but who really cares). Each of the actors played their parts so well. From the beginning they name their stereotypes then aim to break those stereotypes or at least explain them. They have next to nothing in common yet bond over their struggles with school and their parents. So simple, yet so real. Brian really resonated with me, as I'm sure a lot of other Asian viewers, but I like to think he is me as a white guy. His pressure to get A's, to stay out of trouble, and to maintain their friendships. What scares me is that these teenagers (or rather, real people like them) had these problems with their parents, yet now the Breakfast Club generation are the parents, and all the same problems still exist. One day, am I going to turn into Brian's parents? Or one of the other parents? The Breakfast Club showed that everyone is going through something, that people can bond no matter how different they are, and taught me that I need to be careful when I become a parent myself. It's not something I can just jump into. This movie has also driven me into an obsession with the 80s. I've listened to tons of the 80s hit songs and watched tons of 80s movies since, many of which wanted to be on this list but otherwise wouldn't have if not for The Breakfast Club.

10. The Rebound I thought long and hard about what the tenth movie on the list should be. While X-Men shows my love of the superhero genre, all the Disney movies show my love for animation and Disney in general, Bridge to Terabithia shows my love for movies about friendship, and The Breakfast Club shows my love for the coming-of-age genre (also see: The Kings of Summer), I thought of what other movies in general that I absolutely love. The biggest categories were movies with kids and romance. By movies with kids, I don't necessarily mean the protagonist is a child. I love my sitcoms, especially Disney Channel sitcoms, but the movies always seem to be lacking something to me. I love seeing what the up-and-coming generation can do, because they are the future. Plus, if I can't learn to love kids now, how can I ever expect to have any? However, kids are often thrown aside and portrayed as annoying, stupid little brats. Movies like Little Manhattan really spoke to me in this regard. However, I also wanted a movie that showed romance. I mean, Little Manhattan has romance, but it's not the kind of happy ending romance really. I wanted an "A Whole New World" kind of thing, or a tragic reality similar to it. Something ranging from funny like The Proposal to tragic like (500) Days of Summer. I liked both movies, especially the former, but neither really spoke to me. Then I thought maybe a teen romance movie would work. Those can be funny and tragic, while having an element of childhood. Mostly 80s movies came up for these, like Loverboy, Class, Weird Science, and Risky Business. However, I was hesitant to include any of these since The Breakfast Club already represented these movies quite well. As I looked at these choices, I realized one thing: most of them had a young boy to older woman relationship. Not saying I'm into MILFs, but I guess that's a "genre" that I enjoy as well. So, I was now in search for a rom-com that had kids as well as a MILF-ish relationship. That gave me The Switch and The Rebound. Possibly About a Boy, but I have not seen that yet, but plan to soon. I love The Switch (Jason Bateman has a cool first name, what what, and Jennifer Anniston is hot, I love Friends) but there were one or two scenes in it that were completely disgusting. The worst thing in The Rebound was just throw up and an old homeless guy's penis, so I guess it was less repulsive. Sure, I may not love this movie more than the other aforementioned candidates, and it may not be the best movie ever made, but it sure did have a lot of heart. Catherine Zeta-Jones plays a wonderful MILF. She's strong, yet realistically vulnerable. Justin Bartha's character is young, has a degree, has a minimum-wage job, and doesn't know what he wants out of life. Sounds a lot like someone I know. There are plenty of funny moments, the kids, while classically "annoying," say actually some pretty insightful things, and there tragedy to the romance. Great movie. The Rebound taught me that I don't have to have everything figured out, that it's never too late to fall in love, that I don't have to be in a hurry to know and do everything, that raising a kid is probably the greatest thing any person can do, and that you never know what the future has in store.

[dearmeofthefuture]

Forever is Over

For my 21st, I didn't go drinking. I'm just not that kind of guy. But, as usual, I hung with my best friends. They've always been there for me, and always will be, no matter where we are.

I finally had enough friends at my school to throw a little party. Granted, it was a ghetto party at the top of the parking structure, but it was fun. Something I will never forget.

When I tried to get together with the high school friends, it didn't work out so well. But in the process, I found to whom I really mattered. Some tried their hardest to make it, some came even for just a little bit, and in the end, some pushed through that I didn't even know liked me at all. I learned that those "acquaintances" were real friends.

I was working my first real job. It was at Disneyland, and it was fun. But at the same time, it was exhausting, and pressured me to push for a desk job, cuz that is where I will thrive. I had to quit, but at the same time I have no regrets.

Christmas with the best friends was fun of course. Sadly, I had to work New Years.

That last semester wasn't really noteworthy. Just pushed through it. Good thing I did.

The best friend got me singing in church. This past Sunday, one of the ladies told me that years ago she suggested that I sing in church, and now she was glad that I finally started to do so. I don't know her well, but she will forever be known to me as one of the kindest people I have ever known.

By far the highlight of my year was graduating, and throwing my grad party. It was the first real party I threw, and it was so fun. So many great people helped me, and a good amount of friends showed up. They were good sports about everything.

Many other things happened, obviously. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Easter, and other holidays. Friends moving away and friends moving back. I know not as much has happened this year as previous years. But I also know nothing bad really happened. Most of all, I know that I am happy. I wouldn't say this is a peak in my life. I'd say the peak started all the way from mid 2009 and has just continued. Does that mean I plateau-ed? Maybe. Who cares?

[dearmeofthefuture]

Dear Embarrassed Me of the Future,

It happens.

Every singer's forgotten lyrics to a song during a performance. Everybody's tripped in front of tons of people. Everyone has waved back at someone who wasn't waving at them. Everyone has called someone by the wrong name. Everyone has called/texted the wrong number. Everyone's said "You too" to "Happy Birthday" or "Enjoy your movie." Everyone's run into a glass door or pushed a pull door (or vice versa maybe).

There are tons of other embarrassing things everyone has done. The point is, you're not alone. It happens to everyone. As much as your parents have instilled in you the need to be perfect, there is no way to be perfect. The best thing to do is just laugh it off. So what if it was embarrassing? So what if people laughed? So what if it people talk about it for years to come? Those moments do not define you. Drop anyone out of your life who seems to think so (and if you're stuck with them, then just pick up some dirty info on them lol).

It happens. Smile, and laugh it off!

[dearmeofthefuture]

Dear Hot Me of the Future,

Whether you have a girlfriend/wife or not, I know you're hot. You know it too. Don't lie to yourself. lol.

There have been those who have made fun of your unruly hair. There have been those who asked if your hair was unnatural. There have been those who have commented on your many zits. There have been those who picked on you for your unibrow. There have been those who deemed your eyes unnaturally huge and bulging. There have been those who have compared you to looking like an anime character. There have been those who made fun of your big, red, ladylike lips. There have been those who pointed out my crooked, yellowish teeth. There have been those who have condescendingly commented on your square earlobes. There have been those who destroyed you for having no chin/jaw. There have been those who ridiculed you for your inability to grow much facial hair. There have been those who called your head big. There have been those who say your neck is long and weird. There have been those who say you're skinny beyond repair, who compare you to a stick because you are "only skin and bones." There have been those who have asked if you shave for the sole fact that you can barely grow any body hair at all. There have been those who put you down for your pale skin. There have been those who have laughed at your knobby knees. There have been those who have been appalled at your feet. And last but not least, there have been those who made fun of what you are wearing, whether it's too big, too tight, too bright, too dark, too gangster, too skater, too preppy, too much like Popeye or Pikachu or Lucky the Leprechaun, or whatever the heck the reason was.

Well guess what. So what if you don't look like Brad Pitt. Orlando Bloom doesn't look like Brad Pitt. Dane DeHaan doesn't look like Brad Pitt. Ne-Yo doesn't look like Brad Pitt, and Ross Lynch doesn't look like Brad Pitt. There may be an ideal, there may not be. Either way, different girls like different things. It all comes down to this: your differences make you you.

I admit, some of those things on that list, I've come to embrace. Others, I'm still greatly embarrassed of, and I may possibly want to change it some day. But you know what. There will always be things that people will comment on, which I may or may not want to change/be embarrassed of. In the end, know who you are, and know that you are hot. Walk, talk, and live in confidence.

Most importantly, be very careful what you say to others. I mean this in all topics of course, but for this post specifically, I mean appearance. I'd say as a rule of thumb, never, ever comment on natural appearances, unless you are darn sure it's a compliment. As you know, "I love your big eyes" still comes off as an insult. While it's not gay to compliment a guy, I assume you'd mostly be complimenting girls. Eye color and smooth skin are probably the only safe zones. Everything else is a danger zone. Be vague. As far as "unnatural" areas go (by that I mean clothing, makeup, and hairstyles), just use common sense. Find out what they like, why they like it, and compliment it in the same way they would. If they were trying to look like Popeye, then by all means tell them how it looks like Popeye. If not, then keep that trash to yourself.

Yours truly, Me of the Past

[dearmeofthefuture]

Dear Father Me of the Future,

So I don't have my first official career job yet. Still single, and no kids. So I know you know so much more than I do now, and that so much has changed since now.

But I beg of you, please don't change your mind on this.

I'm sure it's been exhausting. Obviously I don't know how old your kid is now (also I obviously don't know if there's more than one, but for the simplicity of easy writing, I'm going to assume there is one kid and that he/she is a toddler, and I'll use the male pronouns), but I'm sure there have been many sleepless nights. I'm sure you've withstood endless crying and kicking and screaming and food being thrown everywhere, everything being bitten that shouldn't be bitten, and nastiness that you would never deal with if this wasn't your kid. I know at this point of my life, I probably have never been as exhausted as you are. Don't give up. But that's not my point.

My point is, your kid is not a butler.

As exhausted as you are, do not have the kid fetch the TV remote for you (assuming those are still a thing, who knows?). You've done it all this time; do it yourself still. Do not make the him grab your car keys, or your water bottle, or whatever. He's not your dog. He's your child. I know you work your butt off for him, but he is not there to make your life easier. He is there because you put him there and you love him with all your heart.

He will grow older, and he will wonder why you're not doing those things yourself. Really, there's no good excuse. Obviously I'm not talking about situations where a bookshelf fell on you that you can't physically move and neither can your kid so you have him fetch the cell phone. No, I'm talking about you walking downstairs and you forgot your phone so you tell your kid to get it for you cuz you're too lazy. I'm sorry, that's just not a good excuse. Since I know your dietary habits, I'm guessing you could use the exercise anyway. Once your kid starts seeing how lazy you are, he's never going to do anything for you happily. As soon as he can, he is outie, and there's nothing you can do about it. And if you have more than one kid? The older one will take your example and make the littler one do something. And that little one will resent you even more than the first, and will be more outie asap.

And when they are old enough to do chores around the house, never make them feel like it was their God-given duty. Never say anything like, "You need to pull your weight around the house," or "You earn your room by doing chores." They are not dead weight. They are not tenants. They are your children. They are alive because YOU had relations with whom I'm sure is your sexy wife. YOU put them in this house, and they are YOUR responsibilities. They are not an excuse to be lazy. I'm not saying you shouldn't give them chores, just don't make it seem like that it's their only purpose in life.

And you know what. If you raised them right, they'll be happy to help. Just like that good friend who never asks for a favor, once you ask for a favor, they'll do it. Once they see how exhausted you are, they'll do something kind (btw never yell at him if he does something kind or that'll end too, but that's probably a topic in itself). Never forget that they are your children. You only get so many in life.

Yours truly, Me of the Past

[dearmeofthefuture]

Friends

I love friends. But you know what. The thing that sucks about friendship is that you only have so much capacity for it. You can only make time for so many people, and if you're an introvert like me, that time is even more limited.

Every group of friends will break apart, one way or another.

I think there are two ways friend groups end: distance or drama.

Distance would just be a case of separate ways. After high school, friends will go off to different colleges. After college, friends will get jobs at different places. As people progress in their careers, it will bring them to different places. To be honest, there are only a very few people we can keep for that long. I think that's one thing that marriage is for: announcing your commitment to stick with each other wherever you go.

Just because distance gets in the way does not mean you're not friends anymore though. You may not have time for them anymore, but I want to be the kind of friend that makes old friends smile when I run into them again, one that they will say yes to if I wanna grab a coffee once every five years or so.

Drama will end friend groups too. That has happened several times. If you're lucky, the group will split in half, but more likely than not, the group will shatter into several different pieces.

Just because drama gets in the way does not mean that you cannot be friends with everyone still (assuming you are not part of the drama). They say time heals all wounds. While that is not exactly true, I think in the end, if you really have been the best friend you could be, everyone will remember that. While they may not like the rest of the group any more, I want to be the kind of person that can still return to any of those friends and catch up.

So in short: you only get to choose a few best friends. Choose them wisely. Don't disregard the others though; be a great friend to them too. No matter what, make it so that years from now, anybody who remembers you will smile.

[dearmeofthefuture]

Why do so many people on Facebook feel like they have to be elitists?

Why would you make a comment like, "I was about to read this conversation but it's too long." Like okay. Don't read it. It probably wasn't any of your business anyway. But why do you have to tell us? Do you want us to feel bad for commenting so much? Cuz I'm not going to feel bad. That's what Facebook's for. Conversing with friends. Do you want us to stop commenting? Cuz I'm not going to stop. Again, that's what Facebook is for. Do you want us to feel sorry for your reading abilities? Cuz that might work. If 43 short sentences of admittedly low-level reading is too much for you, then maybe you should re-evaluate your life.

I get it. There's a lot on Facebook, and one person does not have the time to read everything that their friends are up to. But why do you have to tell them, as if your life is so much better, so much more significant, so much busier?

I don't mind if you wrItE StatUSes thAt l00k lyk DiS. Or if you use ten billion hashtags. Or if you say things like yolo swag. Or if you post a ton of selfies (I'm glad you are so confident in yourself). Facebook is for you. You can post what you want, just like you can go out in public and wear what you want and say what you want. But if you go out in public and go to your friends and say, "I was going to listen to your conversation, but it's too long" then that's not acceptable to me. If you went out in public shouting about how you hate my favorite singer/movie/whatever, that's not acceptable to me. If you go up to a sad person and tell them their grammar is bad, that is not acceptable to me. Go out. Have fun. Go on Facebook. Have fun. But don't put people down. Just leave them alone or be nice. Those are your two options. Pick one.

[dearmeofthefuture]

Embarrassing moments suck. I don't know if everyone's like this, but to me, if I am really embarrassed, that moment sticks with me for the rest of my life. Sure, it's fun to tell people years later to see who has the most embarrassing story, but even then, I die a little inside. There are stories I tell because they should be "embarrassing" but I didn't really care. But there are others where sometimes I regret what I did/said, even though I promise myself never to regret.

Today, something embarrassing happened. Not to me. Someone got me a Christmas gift. Obviously, I'm not gonna say who. But we were opening gifts one person at a time, so everyone was watching me. I open the gift and it looks like something I would like, but it had a not-so-hidden double meaning. This second meaning was one I certainly do not support, and neither would the giver, but they were obviously unaware of the double meaning. I was thinking out loud (I know, that's one of my problems), so when I was abhorred by this double meaning, everyone wanted to know what it was, so I showed them. Everyone laughed. They wanted to take pictures. They wanted to look at it. They wanted to tell their friends about it. And I felt so, so, so bad. Not for me. I had nothing to be embarrassed about, other than the fact that I probably should not have opened the gift in front of them (but how was I supposed to know?). I felt bad for the giver. They played it off like nothing was wrong. They even told funny stories about it to make it funnier.

But it wasn't funny. I don't know if that person got embarrassed. But they said they went to look for a gift for me. And found this. This gift that they thought I would love. Or, at least like. There were different variations, so they went looking for the best one for me. Someone was with them, and they helped look for this thing. The right one for me. And I don't know about you, but not many people think of me, and not very often. When it comes to gifts, I'd rather receive just about anything rather than money. I remember who got me the exact pencils I wanted, but I can never remember who gave me which fifty dollar bill. Why? The person went out, saw those pencils, and knew I wanted them. Even if I end up not liking the gift, it's the thought that counts. I was thought of. I'm not gonna tell you what to give me, cuz I will literally love just about anything. If I tell you, you're just doing my shopping for me. I want things that remind me of you, and hopefully those things reminded you of me when you got them for me. (And by "you" I just mean whoever in general).

And that was what the embarrassing gift was. There was thought behind it. Meaning. I literally only got two other actual presents today. The rest was cash or gift cards. I don't care about the amount of money; those two presents will be my favorite gifts from this Christmas. But the embarrassing gift? I may not love the gift itself. In fact, this will probably be the very first gift I return ever. But the idea behind it is what I will cherish. And I am so, so sad that everybody reacted the way they did, because that giver may feel horrible. Or maybe they didn't care. But if it was me, I would feel horribly embarrassed. They experienced one of my worst fears. An experience like that would have been a huge setback for me. I have a hard enough time gathering the confidence to buy someone a gift that is not a gift card. If something like this happened to me, I would never buy another gift again. At least, not in a long, long while. I hope this person doesn't react this way. At least, not with me. Cuz they were so close. Sure, even without the double-meaning, I would have only semi-liked the item itself. It would be something I would consider buying for myself only if it was very cheap. But like I said, for me, it's the thought behind it. If it had no double-meaning, I would show it off to everyone. It just saddens me so much that everyone made such a big deal out of it, and I hope that giver was not disheartened.

Well, that was my Christmas rant. I, myself, had an amazing Christmas. I hope you did too. And if you did not get the reaction you were hoping for from one of your presents that you gave, do not lose hope. You tried. You went out and got that person something. Hopefully they can see that you thought of them.

[dearmeofthefuture]

I've been procrastinating on this essay that I need to write to graduate for over a year now. It's potentially late. But now I have 5 of 8 pages. Taking a little break, but I know I can do this!

And, since I've been writing at least 2,000 words daily since November started for NaNoWriMo, doing this 8 page paper is a breeze! I had a hard time writing when November started, but now I can stare at a screen for hours and just type! The research is taking me a bit longer than I wish it did, but that's all right!

I can win! I can win! I. Can. Do. This!

[dearmeofthefuture]

Dear Dreaming Me of the Future,

Dreams. Our culture nowadays is constantly pressing the pursuit of our dreams. As cheesy or cliche as it may sound, this is one of the things I actually like about our culture. Sure, our economy does not allow for many people to land their dream jobs, and there are some super-hard-working, good-natured people out there who never landed their dream and maybe won't ever. Still, we only live one life. Or, as our culture says, yolo. I know, it's annoying and childish-sounding, but it's true. Our culture often also says no regrets. That is the main cliche that I live by.

Remember when I (we?) had big dreams? We were gonna start up our own company, J-Company (I know. Conceited, cheesy, simple, and probably lazy all in one). We were gonna make TV shows and movies. Elements was the name of my first creation all the way from 4th grade, and I still develop them once in a while. Pyro and the others had great potential for a show. And in the years that passed by, more and more "show" ideas piled up in my head. Some were discarded, but the ones I chose to keep stayed with me for years. They're still with me.

So what happened to that? I know when we moved to Missouri, we gave up our dreams to focus on one thing: getting out of that hell. And now, we're back. We've been back. And now, I don't know how to dream. That's what it feels like, anyway. Maybe now it's that I just have too many dreams. College will soon be over. Then what? Well, one dream is to still get my characters out there. I know I didn't go to animation school. I wouldn't say it's too late for that, but I think I like where I'm starting. I'm getting their stories onto paper, starting with a novel I'm writing for NaNoWriMo. I'm not much of a writer, but I have to learn, because it is my dream to share these characters with the world, hoping that someone will love them almost as much as I do.

What of my other dreams? I know I said I'd give up singing. Why is that so hard? Why can't I just face that I'm bad at it? Why does every single song I hear kill me just a little bit more because I know that I will never sound beautiful to someone? Maybe another cliche applies here: never say never? I'll put it down as a dream: to make people smile with my singing. I don't have to be the next musical legend, rock star, pop sensation, or anything like that. I would just like people to not help but smile. For good reasons. Whether my style is closer to Usher or Mumford and Sons or Drake or Ke$ha, it would mean the world to me that I just made someone happy with talent. Or... is it still called talent if you had to work for it?

Maybe I'll reach these dreams. Maybe I won't. I just want to say, keep dreaming. Reached your goal already? Set a new one. And don't let it overwhelm you. Take small steps. That's all right. You may have to take leaps too, but don't be afraid. It'll all be worth it.

[dearmeofthefuture]

Blurred Rant

It's a popular topic, and I didn't want to say anything. But now, enough is enough. I was kinda fine with the Miley hate, and that faded out to just about the same amount of people who would openly hate on her as before. But I still see way too much Robin Thicke hate.

Stop hating on Robin Thicke. Please.

Let me explain some things to you. Where do I start... Despite being caucasian, Thicke is a R&B/Soul singer. Lyrical content such as the ones found in Blurred Lines is found in many, many R&B songs. I'm not saying that's ok; I'm just saying it's not uncommon to find other singers singing very similar things who are not getting near as much hate. First of all, Pharrell and T.I. are both on the song, obviously with the same lyrical content, and no one mentions them. Just to name some other singers off the top of my head Usher tries to convince a woman to have public sex with him in "Love in this Club," Akon sings about "loving" a girl he doesn't even know in "I Wanna Love You," and R. Kelly's trying to get this girl to a hotel in "Ignition" (which isn't really about a car by the way lol). So, I saw people take hate from Miley and throw it on Thicke cuz of a "double standard." Well, isn't this just another double standard? I was only referencing songs that were just about as big of hits as "Blurred Lines" too, I'm not choosing arbitrary cd fillers. Just cuz he's not the typical person you're used to hearing these lyrics from, doesn't mean he should get extra hate. What, because he's white, he should have higher standards? I don't think so. It's just part of R&B to be "sexy" like that. It's a cultural thing. If that's not your thing, then don't listen to it. There's no point in hating music like that.

But ok, let's say you do hate on all those other people and other songs. Fine. Thicke still doesn't deserve this much hate. As many of you have pointed out, he is a married man (his wife is gorgeous by the way, props to him; apparently they've been dating since teenagers) and has a child. So haters say, "How could he do this?!" Well, it's simple. It's not real. Let's take a really silly example for instance: does Fergie really have boys "lining down the block just to watch what [she's] got"? Does Ke$ha really "brush [her] teeth with a bottle of jack"? Most likely not! "But Robin Thicke wrote this song!" you might say. Writing credits go to both him and Pharrell, so you don't know who wrote what (T.I. also gets writing credits, but I'm pretty sure he only wrote his rap). This is the same thing as a married actor or actress having a sex scene with someone who is not their spouse in a movie. It's just pretend for the fun of it. Sure, in this case, it's voluntary whereas an actor has to follow a script/director. But like I stated in the above paragraph, we already established this kind of fun is part of the culture of R&B. Even if you consider him a pop singer, this type of lyrical content is not rare. Miley and Thicke have already stated that they were going for the shock factor. And it worked. So much so in fact that Thicke's accompanying acts 2 Chainz and Kendrick Lamar aren't even mentioned in most conversations about the performance (again, to go with the paragraph above). They even stated they didn't want something sexy, just fun and energetic.

Let's say you don't buy that though. If you really think he means every single word in his song, then I have news for you: you still shouldn't hate on him that much. If you just listen to the song, it's about him trying to seduce a "good girl." But see, the phrase "good girl" should be in quotes the entire time. The type of girl he's singing to is the type that's in his videos. He's singing to the kind of girls that Miley was dressed up as. I'm not saying that girls who dress like that are "asking for it." Not at all. However, a woman who dresses like that specifically for him and chooses to dance like that around him may be interested in him.

Let's just assume for argument's sake that convincing a woman to have sex with you is considered rape. Fine. That's not what he's doing. The key phrase here in this song that is repeated over and over again (and I'm not sure if it's Thicke or Pharrell singing it) is "I know you want it." If you want to be literal, then here it is. He is just giving her an option. Maybe this is some form of manipulation, but on the surface, he's just getting a vibe and putting it out there that she might want him as badly as he wants her. This is further emphasized by the line, "Go ahead, get at me." It's her choice.

Don't like the song? Fine. Go listen to one of his other great songs. Don't like the video? Fine. Go watch another one of his fantastic videos. Don't like the performance? All right. He has performed this song as well as many others over the years, not to mention the VMA's showcased several other talented artists. Don't like his songs, his videos, or his performances? That's all right too. There are billions of other songs out there, other videos to watch, other performances to see. Nobody's making you listen or watch; at least, not anymore. Still don't like him? Fine. Everybody dislikes someone. But there is never a reason to wish someone burned to death or something like that. If there is a reason, what Thicke has done surely is not enough.

Last of all, remember he too has a fandom. He's not my favorite. Heck, he's probably not even in my top 10 (although he may be in my top 10 male musicians). But I am his fan nonetheless (obviously). I have been his fan through the years, and I am proud of his newfound success finally, even if it is over controversy. You probably know that bittersweet feeling when something you love suddenly becomes much more popular. Imagine that same thing getting popular just for being hated.

I know there are fandoms out there who get a lot of hate, like the Glee and Twilight fandoms. Sure, you may not like what they like. But remember how it feels when people make fun of whatever fandom you're in, whether it's Doctor Who, Supernatural, Attack on Titan, Harry Potter, or whatever. You know how that hurts more than it should? So please stop the hate.

[dearmeofthefuture]

Smiling. It's such an odd concept. It's like, when we feel positive emotions, we just stretch our mouths open?

I didn't really know how to smile before. I mean, obviously I did, but as far as photos go, I'm absolutely hideous in the from about ages 7 to 15. My smiles were natural, sure. But they were overemphasized. It looks like I have major bags under my eyes. All of my imperfect teeth show. My eyes aren't super squinty, but enough to make me look extra Asian. And my cheeks look super round, especially in certain lighting.

If I don't smile enough, I look like an angry turtle. And I can't really pull off the "I'm too cool to smile look" cuz for some reason a lot of the time it looks like wearing lipstick or something. I don't know how to explain it. They're too sexy I guess, hahaha.

I finally learned how to smile. It really took a lot of practice in the mirror. And when someone's about to take a picture of me when I'm really happy, I have to stop myself and remember not to smile too much. Is that bad? I don't know. Isn't it better to have a picture I'm proud of? Who cares if the smile is "real" or not?

I hate naturally photogenic people. I'm narcissistic enough to like taking pictures of myself, but it's so hard for me to get a picture that I like. It has to be from straight on, cuz I hate my profile. I have to stick my jaw out. I have to only show my top teeth. I have to tuck in my lips. But you know. At least I can be proud of myself sometimes.

So if you are photogenic, or if you have a naturally beautiful smile, don't take it for granted. And if you've figured out how to smile, great. Some things take hard work and nobody recognizes it but you. But that's all right. Cuz in the end, at least you feel better about yourself, and that's always a good thing.

[dearmeofthefuture]

Last night I had a dream that it was my birthday again (my birthday passed a few weeks ago). I was living in my old, big house. My party was going to start soon, so I was finishing with the decorations, and I put on Selena Gomez's birthday. Just then, the doorbell rang. My first guest.

When I opened the door, it wasn't at all whom I expected. Standing there was one of my old, best Missouri friends along with her fiance. Not the friends who keep in contact with me and the others. The one who has changed for some reason that I don't know.

I burst into tears as I wrapped my arms around the both of them. I thought nobody knew how much my birthday meant to me, but they have traveled miles and miles to celebrate with me. And then they did what I was waiting for them to do. They invited me to their wedding which was supposedly the next day.

I don't know what this dream was supposed to mean, if it had a meaning at all. I had a great birthday. I miss her of course, but it's not like we had a falling out or anything. There are plenty of people whom I wish I was still as good of friends with as before. But life is limited. Space. Time. We can't have everyone in our lives. And it sucks. But I still wish those people the best, and I hope they cherish our past friendship as much as I do.