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July 27, 2021 - Keeping it in the Family? *eww*

Q. Family nudism: We are a family of six: one adult male and one adult female, one male teen (15 years old), one female teen (17), and boy/girl twins (7). We have always been casual about being partially and fully undressed around one another in the house, toilet, and shower, as well as in our backyard (yes, we have a tall wall). Some of our family members have been remarking that this is harmful to the children. The children tell us they are comfortable with it as this is the way we have always been, and they know they can cover themselves if they want to. Should we enforce wearing clothes all the time or is our way OK?

#dearmrsbitch #dear prudie #nudist

July 27, 2021 - An Affair by Any Other Name

Q. Husband’s ex-girlfriend: I have been married to my husband for 19 years. We have a good relationship with minimal issues, just one that resurfaces. In the past few years, he reconnected with a girlfriend he had in high school, and they began emailing each other regularly. I sadly found out when I read the emails on a tablet that was left open. These first emails were of a sexual nature. I confronted him and he apologized, and said it wouldn’t happen again.

He has continued emailing her to this day, though nothing sexual that I have seen. He’s aware that I’m reading the emails and I’ve told him I don’t appreciate the communication and it upsets me. He refuses to stop, saying he doesn’t do anything wrong anymore. He gets very angry at me, and has even said he is sorry I don’t have connections like he has with my exes. They talk about life, work, and sometimes personal items. One email she sent was about how her daughter is interested in a college in the state where we live and how it was hard for her to know he was just a few miles away, but wouldn’t be seeing him. I worry about an emotional affair, and don’t want to lose all trust in him. Should I email her? What should I do at this point?

#dearprudie #dearmrsbitch #cheaters #cheating husbands #cheating

July 21, 2021 - Schadenfreude!

Dear Prudence,

I just got out of the wreckage of a five-year marriage. My husband blatantly carried on an affair for two years with a young woman I considered my protégé. I counseled her on her career, recommended her special projects, and invited her into my home. I came home unexpectedly early one day and found them together in bed. Apparently everyone knew—neighbors, colleagues, mutual friends. I was so humiliated, I fled town, transferred to out of state, and only communicated to my ex via my lawyer. A few friends kept me informed—she was pregnant, they were engaged, and just waiting for the ink to dry so they could have a wedding.

Then my ex drove drunk and ended up crashing into a semi. She lost the baby, and my ex-husband lost his right leg. After I heard the news, I cried tears of joy. I was so fiercely happy that it scared me. I used to be a kind person, a good person—now I don’t know. I haven’t told anyone; it is a sick, sad secret I don’t want to give up. I try to move forward and concentrate on my new house and new job, but then I get an impulse to look on Facebook and gloat to myself or call my friends and fish for more details on their misery. What is wrong with me?

#dear mrs bitch #dear prudie #dear prudence #schadenfreude #bad people

July 21, 2021 - It’s not yours!

Dear Prudence,

The community pools are not open yet. We are in a heat wave. One family on our street has put in a pool and is lording it over the rest of us. They have a teenager and a little girl “Bea.” Bea acts like the little queen of the neighborhood and doles out her favor to the few chosen capable of earning the right to swim. Bea is only “allowed” to invite a few kids over at a time because her sister doesn’t want to “babysit the entire street.” All the girl does is sit in a hammock and play on her phone while the kids swim.

Our three daughters constantly want to swim, but our oldest one made the mistake of pushing Bea into the pool after an argument over a toy. No one was hurt, but you’d think Bea had been beaten bloody. Bea’s mother has banned our girls from coming over because our oldest was “too violent.” We got into an argument where I told her it was just roughhousing and maybe if her daughter had been actually watching the kids instead of her screen, it wouldn’t have happened. I should have kept my mouth shut.

Bea’s mother went on social media and put up the Pool Rules and the diatribe about community values, personal responsibility, and how she wasn’t going to stand by and watch one daughter get “physically attacked” only for her other one to be verbally. She will close the pool gates otherwise. She didn’t name my family, but everyone figured it out.

The heat index keeps rising. Help please.

— Pool Exile

#dearmrsbitch #dear prudie #entitled parents #bad kids #stupid people

July 21, 2021 - Dun Dun Dun... Covid Vaccines for Kids!

Q. Vaccine vortex: My husband and I have both received our COVID vaccines, but he refuses to vaccinate our children. When I ask him why, he tells me he “has reasons,” but won’t divulge them. I have shown him countless articles and reports from the CDC saying the vaccine is safe for children, but he won’t budge. He actually told me the CDC, WHO, and AMA are all “corrupt organizations” and he won’t listen to their advisories.

I’m at my wit’s end. Cases are surging in my county. I told him I didn’t understand why my “yes” meant less than his “no,” but he doubled-down with “I’ve made my decision.” How can we get past this?

A: You have until this point been a vaccinating family, and I think what makes sense is to default to the status quo agreement. He’s the one who is seemingly being radicalized at this very moment and suddenly became anti-science, so he should be the one who has to negotiate a new set of rules. So unless he can convince you that he’s right (spoiler: he can’t), vaccinate the kids.

Yes, he’ll be mad, but there’s no room for compromise here. And the answer to your question about why your “yes” means less than his “no” is: It doesn’t. It actually means more.

#dear mrs bitch #dearmrsbitch #dear prudie #vaccines #covid.

July 21, 2021 - If that’s the case, jump off the cliff then.

Q. Maskless in heaven: I went to a cousin’s wedding and was thrilled to be maskless and see family members I haven’t been able to see for a year. At dinner, my husband and I were seated with several of my other cousins, and the conversation turned to the pandemic and vaccination. My husband and I are both immuno-compromised, so we said we were delighted to get vaccinated and what a relief it was to feel somewhat safe again.

One of my family members, an evangelical Christian, said she wasn’t vaccinated and wasn’t interested in getting vaccinated because she “knows where [she’s] going.” I was completely floored. First, her absolute certainty that she was on the guest list for heaven was annoying, and she can’t possibly understand that COVID can be an extremely painful way to die. Moreover, there’s a great chance that she’d take other people with her; my aunt and uncle (her parents) are in their 80s and spent the last year in hard lockdown to avoid COVID.

I didn’t want to start a gigantic fight at this wedding celebration. But, Prudie, this has been haunting me ever since. How can I approach this woman to try to convince her that protecting not only herself but those around her really doesn’t have anything to do with knowing “where [she’s] going”?

#dearmrsbitch #dear prudie #covid #coronavirus #vaccines

July 21, 2021 - Pimp My Daughter?

Q. Bad feminist and bad mom: My 17-year-old daughter just landed her first job at a restaurant near our home. I am proud of her and glad she was able to find something in our very small town. The issue is her boss. He is the owner and this is not a chain, just a single restaurant. He is old enough to be her grandfather and she sees him patting the rear ends of the other waitresses. She asked one of the women if he does that to everyone and was told, “If he is comfortable with you.” Neither of us want him to be comfortable with that, and she wants to quit to avoid that possibility. Otherwise, the job works for her with the location and the hours she is scheduled. She is unlikely to find anything else nearby and we only have one car, so driving to another town could be problematic. I have told her that what he does to the other women is wrong and that she in no way has to put up with that if and when it happens. He did put his hand on her shoulder and I showed her how to pivot away and to firmly say, “I am not comfortable with that,” and I told her to call me immediately to be picked up if she feels unsafe or pressured to accept such advances.

However, we do not have much money and she will have to work during college to help support herself. She will encounter plenty of dirty, old men and pushy, young men in her life and, even though it is completely unfair, I feel she needs to learn to set her boundaries and not just quit. My daughter feels I am not being supportive. I feel she will lose out on lots of opportunities in life if she won’t be near men behaving badly. I want to be a realistic mom, but am I being a bad mom?

#dear prudie #dear prudence #dearmrsbitch #perverts #old perverts #bad moms

July 21, 2021 - Entitled Parents Being Entitled.

Dear Prudence,

My house sits outside a housing development on two acres. We have the only real trees since the developer cut all their old growth down and put up fragile little twigs that give no shade. There are no parks nearby.

During the pandemic, we noticed that the local mothers would bring their children to the far side of our property and let them play in the shade. My husband and I put out a nice wooden picnic bench and a tire swing off a tree. Everything was fine for months until we noticed a lot of trash left there. We put out on the local social media page for our neighbors to be mindful this was private property and to please pick up after themselves. It still continued.

We had to take the tire swing down because children were using it dangerously (and even trying to climb our trees), and their mothers were not paying any attention. Then we started getting complaints from people. The straw that broke us was finding our picnic bench had been vandalized with profanity carved into it. My husband had made the bench himself. We dragged the bench back behind the house and posted again on social media that our generosity was at its limit, and for people to please stay off our property. We also got outside cameras based on advice from friends.

What happened then is that one of our neighbors decided to have a family party on our property and got miffed the picnic table was gone, so they went right behind our home and dragged it back to its original position. My husband came home to find the party in full swing. He went up and asked them what the hell they thought they were doing. There was a confrontation: No violence, but threats to call the police came from both sides. My husband told them we had cameras and to leave. They did, but on the video you can see them making obscene gestures and the license plates of their cars.

We ended up contacting the HOA of the development over everything, since social media and common courtesy has netted us nothing. They put in an official reprimand to all residents about leaving us alone, but they also want the video of the people from the party so they can make an example out of the trespassers. My husband has gotten very bitter about this entire affair and wants to give them the videos. I just want this over with. We tried to be good neighbors, only for it to blow up into this. What should we do?

— Want a Good Fence

#dear prudie #dear prudence #dearmrsbitch #bad parents #entitled parents

July 6, 2021 - The Bully and the Bullied

Q. Stuck in the middle: My father has always been a smart aleck who loves practical jokes and discreetly needling people. My husband has been one of his favorite targets for stupid pranks and comments about his choice in clothing, hairstyle, shoes, or whatever else stands out. For many years, I’ve warned my father that my husband disliked him and that his behavior was causing real animus.

It never registered for him until recently, when my husband—whom I had never previously seen angry—lost it completely. One moment we were saying hello, then my dad said something, and then my husband got in his face, shoved him up against a wall, and put a fist straight through the brick work, all while roaring death threats. My father was absolutely terrified and is now deeply upset and demanding an apology. My husband, meanwhile, is completely unrepentant, blames me for not managing my parents, and is refusing to ever speak to or see that side of my family again. He has also said that he does not want our children exposed to them again and inferred that should I wish to contest, that we can discuss it in a custody hearing.

I am angry with both of them. My father sort of had it coming, but my husband has no business threatening to kill a 76-year-old man, which he does every time I mention his name. That divorce is starting to look pretty damn tempting, as is never seeing my father again, but I love everybody involved and really want to resolve this. What can I do? Am I in the wrong here for asking my husband to deal with my dad? Does my dad actually deserve an apology? Is there a universe where I get to knock both their heads together repeatedly?

July 6, 2021 - They’re YOUR kids.

Q. Used to be happy: During COVID, I went stir crazy and signed up for a bike delivery service. I lost 20 pounds, earned a deep respect for the hustle, and saved more than 10 grand in tips.

So, I am taking a year off and going to travel once Europe opens. I never had a gap year. I’ve barely traveled out of the U.S.A. I have been vaccinated and well, this is my only life to live, so I might as well.

My sister, a stay-at-home mom, is pissed that I am spending my money on travel rather than day camp for her kids and a remodel for her house. She and her husband both work. No one has health problems. They are fine.

She called me selfish. I don’t have kids or understand the “struggle.” There are six years between us and we aren’t close, but she is my only sister. I am hurt and baffled. What do I do about this?

#dearmrsbitch #dear prudie #dear prudence #bad parents #bad parenting

February 24, 2021 - Our Gardeners, Ourselves?

Q. Disorganized gardener: When my wife and I moved in to our new house, the previous owners passed on contact information for their gardener, “R.” R is fantastic. She shows up reliably every weekend, does a ton of work, and makes our garden look great. She’s also quite obviously struggling with mental illness. Many of her stories make very little sense, and she often talks about how the police are spying on her. When I first met her, I tried to offer some help but it quickly became obvious that this just made her nervous.

I don’t have any contact info for her family (she seems to have some support there, but I don’t really know much). Normally I wouldn’t try to get more involved, but in the past year she’s stopped cashing the checks I write for her. I tried giving her cash, thinking that she might not be able to use a bank (which can be hard for lots of reasons). She wouldn’t take the cash. I only just now convinced her to take a large check from me to cover the last several months and I asked her to cash it soon, but I doubt she will. I’m at a loss as to how to convince her to take payment. What is my ethical obligation here? Can I ethically continue to employ someone who won’t or can’t accept payment?

#dear prudie #dear prudence #dearmrsbitch #mental health #ethics

February 24, 2020 - Competing with a Dead Woman

HQ. Photo flap: My first wife passed away 11 years ago. I met my new wife “Helene” about a year later, and we married three years after that. Helene is unable to see pictures of my first wife without falling into a depressed state and wondering if I truly love her. I truly love(d) both of my wives with all my heart. I feel that I found my soul mate, twice! I do not believe that I have ever said anything or acted in a way that contradicts this. But I am Helene’s first love and she is my second love. Helene is super angry with my first wife.

I don’t know how to reconcile this. We just moved into a new house and are putting up photographs again. I’d like to put up a specific picture of my kids that happens to also have my first wife, but broaching the subject sent Helene into a daylong sadness and anger that I could not do anything about. Helene is a wonderful person in so many ways. For instance, she is good to my kids even though they are from my first marriage. She even reminds me to stay in touch with them. When this has come up in the past, I’ve just given up and given in, but hiding such a big part of my past makes me feel wrong. Any ideas?

#dearmrsbitch #dear prudie #dear prudence #dead wife #second wife

February 10, 2021 - Are you not calling CPS?

Q. Bad parenting: My sister and her husband have three daughters and one son, “Andy,” who is 6. Andy is the youngest and is bullied relentlessly by his sisters. I’d say this is pretty typical behavior, except that Andy’s parents join in once he starts crying! Once Andy starts crying, his parents and his sisters all start calling him “Andrea” and talking about him like he’s a girl. Not only do I think misgendering a child as a punishment for being bullied is incredibly cruel, but it’s not even an effective punishment. Once they start doing it, Andy’s behavior degenerates even further and he goes into a rage. I’ve told my sister I object to this, and she says Andy needs to “man up,” and when I have my own kids, I can raise them how I want. I think at this rate my nephew is going to grow up to be a serial killer. Help.

#dearmrsbitch #dear prudie #dearprudence #bad parenting #parenting

February 10, 2021 - The Deadname Game

Q. Deadname resurrection: I’ve been out as trans for a while now, but had trouble figuring out a new name that felt right for myself, until recently. My friends have all started using my new name, and I love it! The issue is I recently realized that I’ve unintentionally adopted the deadname of someone in my friend group. “Will” and I aren’t very close but run in the same circles. I learned his deadname by accident some time ago, and I don’t think any of our mutual friends know it or realized that it’s the same as my new name. But I’ve noticed Will grimacing when people use my name and he seems to be avoiding our (online) meetups. I hate to think I’ve made him uncomfortable, but … well, I really like this name! I’m not sure what the etiquette is here, as I don’t want him to be hurt by having to hear his deadname constantly, but it feels awkward to bring up since I’m not sure he even knows that I know. Help?

#dear prudie #dear prudence #dearmrsbitch #lgbt #transgender

February 10, 2021 - Pissed Off

Q. How to set boundaries with neighbor? My roommate and I have been having more backyard fires as a safer way to see friends during the pandemic. Our one neighbor “K” is in her 50s and keeps inviting herself over when we are having a fire. She usually dominates the conversation, complaining about her kids or work, and she won’t take the hint to leave when we are ready to pack it in. We’ve tolerated it up until now because she doesn’t seem to have any friends of her own and the pandemic has been difficult for everyone.

However, last night she crossed a line. A friend “B” was over for a socially distanced backyard fire, and B agreed to pee in a discreet corner of the yard by the shed because she wasn’t in our house bubble. Later, K walked up to our back door and peed where a welcome mat would normally be, in full view. We were shocked and didn’t say anything to her at the time, but her bathroom is literally next door. She was already making us feel uncomfortable, but this act was the final straw. How do we tell her that we don’t want her inviting herself over and peeing on our doorstep anymore?

#dearprudie #dear prudence #dearmrsbitch #mrsbitch #neighbor

October 21, 2020 - I got assholes fired, manbaby cries about it.

Dear Prudence,

I live in a huge apartment complex with about 500 tenants. I happen to live on the back side of the complex, with a window facing the dumpster in the alleyway. Many of the maintenance workers hang out in that alley when they’re not working. I’ve been working from home for six months now, meaning I spend way more time overhearing their conversations than I used to. They probably spend three to four hours a day just shooting the breeze. They laugh loudly, speak at a way higher volume than necessary, and tell an endless number of sexist jokes in Spanish (I speak Spanish fluently so I can understand every word). I hate having to listen to sexist vitriol for literally hours every day. I’ve tried headphones and a white noise machine but neither block out the sound.

I finally gave up and emailed management. Three of the guys were fired. They have been replaced with workers who spend significantly less time joking and hanging out in the back alley. I view this as a win: I don’t have to be subjected to this for hours every day, and the guys learned a valuable lesson about not going on sexist rants at work. My partner, on the other hand, is angry at me. They say I should’ve just talked to the men myself (which seems naïve, considering they clearly hate women) or, in my email to the complex, asked for the men not to be fired. I disagree. All I did was speak up about an issue that affected me—it’s not my responsibility how the complex chooses to handle it. My partner is basically saying I’m a monster for getting blue-collar workers fired. We cannot seem to move past this issue. Did I do the right thing? What can I do now to get my partner and I past this difference of opinion?

—Not Sorry They’re Gone

#dear prudie #dear prudence #dearmrsbitch #sexist pigs #sexism

September 12, 2020 - Childfree for Life, yo.

Q. Child-free in Albuquerque: My boyfriend (28) and I (26), have been living together for 17 months now and made a cross-country move six months ago. I thought everything was great and was looking forward to getting engaged soon, because he is the love of my life. As it turns out, he thought I would change my mind about not wanting kids—and I thought he was just fine with not having kids. We’ve been through several (pandemic) months of very tough conversations and a lot of crying on my part. I burst into tears watching an episode of House Hunters yesterday in which a couple got engaged.

I think we all know the pluses and minuses of having a child, so I won’t go into them, but my top concerns include the fact that I don’t really like children, I want to have as much alone time together as possible, and if something happened to my partner or we got divorced, I would be stuck raising a child instead of being free to do whatever I want. The thing I attach to on days where it sounds better is the thought of sharing my religion, which means a great deal to me, with my child. But she might not adopt it herself, and my partner is of a different religion and isn’t willing to raise her with only mine. If I wouldn’t have a child if we weren’t together and it’s not my preference, is it something I should just never consider, full stop? Or is this scenario something to think about over the next five years?

#childfree #childless #childfree by choice #dear prudie #dearmrsbitch

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