all of this is temporary

s. she/her.

[dearophelia]

best of sara's fic, according to her

Because I’m feeling some kind of way about my cancer lately and wanted to put together a Sara’s Greatest Fic Hits while I’m still around to do it (which is a morbid thing to type, but see the intro: been feeling some kind of way lately).

These range from my most popular fics, to the ones lost to weird posting hours, and everything in between. If I counted correctly, there are 14 fandoms on this list: from Mass Effect and Dragon Age, to Grey’s Anatomy and Stargate SG-1, to The West Wing and Calvin & Hobbes.

I’d appreciate reblogs on this (I am not ashamed to pull the stage iv cancer card here) so it can reach as many people as possible.

I have been writing fic for over 15 years; this is not a short list.

All are rated T or lower unless otherwise indicated. All stories are at or under the 3k mark unless otherwise indicated.

Stargate SG-1:

waves are universal (the heaven in hiding remix) (Sam/Jack; I’m very Normal about this fic; time travel and alternate realities, a host of OCs (and some familiar faces from Norafic if you look closely), oh and the Sam/Jack kid from the alternate reality! Only she’s an adult and working on a way to save the world! This has it all, folks: humor, romance, angst, action! I told you I’m Normal about it; 40k)

strange is the night where black stars rise (Sam; horror! A low creeping sense of doom! The King in Yellow! No, seriously, fuck that planet; 10k)

#sg1wedding (Sam/Jack; their wedding turned into An Event against their will; bets are going down about who would win in a fight: Bra’tac or the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs; also Jack loses his socks; twitterfic from 2012 and technology has definitely Marched On, just read it like an unhinged group chat fic)

phoenix (Sam/Daniel/Teal’c, Sam/Jack, Sam/Jack/Daniel/Teal’c; apocalypse (that I consulted a real live geologist on!); rebuilding in the wake of said apocalypse; team family feelings, kids, and some really shitty neighbors; 38k)

Dragon Age:

joy cometh in the morning (Ariadne; rated M; a host of OCs; mind the warnings; friendship; worldbuilding galore; friendships and mentors and first loves; did I mention friendship and worldbuilding?; 56k)

through the rude wind’s wild lament, and the bitter weather (Ari+Cullen; quiet magic, kind magic, good magic is still new to Cullen)

as the sun kissed the horizon (Ari/Josephine; a relationship in ten moments)

‘til we meet again (Ari+Cullen; platonic sleeping together!)

so hold my hand, consign me not to darkness (Ari; her faith is the core of who she is and, for the first time, Andraste isn’t there; post-Trespasser)

raise your fists up to the sky (Kylie/Krem; it’s Krem’s first day with the Chargers and there’s a naked elf in the middle of camp)

every demon wants his pound of flesh (Krem+Bull; Krem was in the Fade with the Inquisitor and the fear demon had some Things To Say To Him)

black dove (Anaya) & strange little girl (Anaya+Dagna) & dissolving clouds (Anaya+Cullen) (because neurodivergent Inquisitor, friendship, blossoming romance, and three very different takes on blood magic)

skeletons (Zahara+Bull; she is saarebas, he is Ben-Hassrath, and language is important)

children shouldn’t play with dead things (Juliette Amell; she’s always had an easier time with the dead than the living; cw for bugs)

a sorta fairytale (Josephine/Cassandra; flower shop & tattoo parlor AU; 8k)

Mass Effect Trilogy:

gonna set your flag on fire (Nora Vakarian, Liv/Garrus, James/Liara, Liv+Liara, Livfam; action! Humor! Angst! Worldbuilding! OCs!; I am Super Normal about this fic too; I promise everything’s okay in the end, promise, even though it isn’t written yet; Nora is an N3 and has an inactive control chip in her head. She and her team are ordered to investigate a Cerberus facility. It goes, shall we say, awry; 40k)

anthem (Liv/Garrus, Hannah/Zaeed, Liv+Liara; eight months is a long time without each other; angst with a happy ending (I promise); post-Destroy; 13k)

holy ground & dress (Liv/Garrus; ficlets from the night he gets sworn in as Councilor)

brightly shone the moon at night (Liv, Liv+Liara, Liv/Garrus, Livfam; five Christmases in Olivia Shepard’s life; 5k)

the pieces of gold, they light up your eyes & now we’re alone, now we’re alive (Liv/Garrus; the evolution of a relationship)

fighting is said to have reached palaven (Liv/Garrus; please, please let him be alive)

and some things you just can’t speak about (Quentus+Nico; the war)

‘cause i know that it’s delicate (Liv/Garrus; pre-wedding!)

nosce te ipsum (Nico; he likes boys and fanfiction and he didn’t think he’d get his little italicized oh moment)

i will write you love letters if you tell me to (Liv/Garrus; Hannah gives him one of Liv’s notebooks before he goes off to Omega; Garrus does the only thing he can think of with it)

i really need you (Liv/Garrus; James POV during the reunion scene in Priority: Palaven)

you look really tired (Liv/Garrus, Liv+Liara; post-Thessia, Olivia’s not doing well)

hey, so, ground rules (Liv+Zaeed; it’s a lot weird now that he’s dating her mom)

and all the scars you bear are from a previous war (Liv+Quentus; Mom!Liv)

you can hear it in the silence (Liv/Garrus; just a moment, post-war)

this all started because of a bad day (Liv/Garrus; from first meetings to matching rings)

combat, i’m ready for combat & turn on your favorite nightlight (Hannah; she’s a civilian and her daughter isn’t, and she’s bound and determined to know what Liv goes through when her boots hit the ground; Hannah, Zaeed, Liv, and Garrus hit up Armax)

four quarians who never made it back to the fleet (and one who did) (kinda what it says on the tin, honestly. Oh, Tali’s in this!)

everyone’s lost, the battle is won (Evangeline; somewhat predictably, my experiment in getting as many of my team killed as possible resulted in Feelings About It)

across the sky (Susan/Liara; how to make the Control ending feel good)

and yours is in red underlined (Vanessa; The Illusive Man has pissed her off for the last time)

i’m headed straight for the castle (Vanessa; renegade control ending; kneel before your queen)

Mass Effect Andromeda:

for saviours (Tori; ten scenes from a pre-Andromeda life; 10k)

ringing joyful and triumphant (Tori/Liam/Jaal; just some morning fluff)

the thing with the baby angara (Tori/Liam/Jaal; thinking about the future)

the undone and the divine (Tori/Liam/Jaal; the lone single solitary explicit fic on here, give it props for that alone; Liam gets absolutely railed by his partners. That’s it. That’s the fic.)

you’re like the thing that makes the universe explode (Sara Ryder/Suvi, Drack; kid, the only people who don’t know that you like Suvi are people who haven’t met you and Suvi)

this one’s for the torn down, the experts at the fall (Tori+Garrus; one night in the intersection of Victoria Ryder and Archangel; maybe they’re better friends than they both thought)

The West Wing:

a great revelation sigh (CJ; she’s Chief of Staff; ten steps to the apocalypse; the apocalypse source probably didn’t age well, heads up)

it’s in my blood and i won’t give up ‘cause it’s running through my veins (Amy+Andi; it’s Election Day in the future and Amy has nothing to do)

Grey’s Anatomy:

dropsonde (the singers in a lower choir remix) (Addison/Alex, Derek/Meredith, Addison+Derek, Addison+Mark, Mark+Derek; the one that kicked off all the remixes; absolutely off the rails from canon somewhere in S3; budding romances and kidfic and my theory about people being storms and lighthouses; 40k)

scarlet city (Mark/Addison, Burke/Cristina; film noir gangster and detective AU; Addison’s the gangster, Burke’s the detective; literally everyone I could fit into this fic shows up; also Denny is comic relief; 18k)

Misc:

access records (Star Trek Voyager; Naomi Wildman’s holodeck access for the past week; worldbuilding!)

in this twilight our choices seal our fate (the song in the house of night remix) (SVU; Olivia/Elliot; rated M; on the rise and fall of partnership; probably a little too much religious imagery but what the hell else am I gonna do with a minor in religious studies?; 4k)

the end of days job (Leverage; Parker+Eliot+Hardison; the apocalypse job, basically; this one ages well!)

let the only sound be the overflow (D&D; Calia/Kelpie/Edal, aka ot3: fathoms below; the ocean is big and they are not)

we are golden stars above silver seas (we hear echoes from another galaxy) (Calvin & Hobbes; Calvin+Susie; throughout all those years, she never gave up on him; this one went viral on tumblr [LINK] and I cleaned it up for the AO3 version)

lift her, pull her, from the orchids (Grace and Frankie; Grace/Frankie; the one where I invoke the spelling bee)

rocket queens (Babylon 5/Pacific Rim; Susan Ivanova/Talia Winters; look, they’re jaeger pilots, I really don’t know what else to tell you)

the great gig in the sky (Battlestar Galactica; Six; rebirth is painful, she forgets this sometimes)

[dearophelia]

Hello all, Cath again. I believe I've sent out the zoom link for the memorial to everyone who had reached out to me - if you have not yet received it and would like to attend, please message me @vhenadahls or email [email protected] and I'll give you the link.

There will be plenty of time for people to share and remember, so please don't feel like you're taking time away from someone else if you want to share. Everyone's presence will be a lot to me, to Sara's parents, and to Sara's memory.

[dearophelia]

Zoom Memorial for Sara

Hello everyone, it's Cath again. I am planning a virtual memorial service for Sara that is currently planned for Sunday, February 18th, at 10am Pacific standard time (1pm Eastern time, 6pm GMT).

The intent of this memorial is to give friends of Sara's, both those that I know and those that I don't, the opportunity to spend some time together and share readings, memories, items, or anything else that has given us peace, reminds us of Sara, was important to our relationship with her, or anything else.

I don't want to post the zoom link publicly, so please reach out to me @vhenadahls or email [email protected] and I will provide it. If you're planning on sharing something, please also let me know that if you can so that I have an idea of how many people would like to, but it's not necessary. You can also send memories, readings, poems, songs, or anything else that you'd like shared by someone else if you're not up for it.

We will record the memorial and find a way to share it, so if there is anyone who would find that meaningful as well or cannot come, that will be available.

Sara meant and means a lot to a whole lot of people, and I'd be honored to have people share this memorial with me.

I will leave this rebloggable, please feel free to share.

[dearophelia]

in memoriam

Hi everyone, it's Cath (Logan) again.

Sara was cremated this morning, August 8th, 2023. She had put together a memorial pamphlet that she wanted shared with her friends. Thank you all for being part of Sara's life.

The pamphlet can be found here, and the corresponding playlist from the end of it can be found on Spotify or YouTube.

May Sara's memory be for a blessing for us all.

[dearophelia]

Hello all, this is Logan (aka Cath), and Sara wanted to let you know. Sara died peacefully on July 28th, just before 6pm. She was absolutely a light in all our lives, and may her memory be for a blessing for us all.

If you need to contact me or Sara's parents, my blog is @vhenadahls and we'll figure out who needs to know what.

[firefox-official]

(eyes closing completely) no yeah im awake whags up

[daggertongue]

Tight tops and baggy pants will always be a favorite combo of mine

[breadedsinner]

“This Bioware character is straight,” and yet I have never encountered a single fan of theirs who was straight.

[amgeforns]

#every day bioware points at their characters and is like 'that's a straight person.'#'a heterosexualist.'#and every day they're objectively wrong

[thestalwartheart]

I love it when people take fic writing seriously. I love when it's not 'Here's this dumb thing I wrote' and instead it's 'Here's this thing I put blood, sweat and tears into. Here's this thing I slaved away at, trying new writing techniques and editing over and over. Here's this dialogue that kept me awake at night. Here's this beautiful turn of phrase I thought up. Here's this thing that I wrote with vulnerability and heart, and I am proud to share it with you.'

[dearophelia]

pet death cw

suggestions, however honest and eager they may be, are not welcome. if you are a rando non-mutual and do this, you will be blocked.

I have to put Odo down today.

He’s been severely diabetic for years and we’ve struggled (unsuccessfully) to get it under control; with how sick I’ve become, I just can’t take care of him anymore (not just meds but he needs a lot of cleanup daily re: bathroom habits)

I feel so bad and guilty. I know it’s not my fault I’m sick and can’t take care of him, but he’s my cat and I should’ve been able to take care of him better.

I can’t even be there! I can’t hold him and pet him and tell him what a good boy he’s been. My parents have to take him because I can’t safely navigate the stairs leading to my condo.

AND I’m moving in with my parents this weekend or early next week. We had a hard convo yesterday about how it’s not safe for me to be on my own in my condo anymore. So that also sucks, but it’s the right decision: I can’t do stairs, or vacuum, or safely scoop the cat litter, or safely shower (my showers are either INCREDIBLY tiny or are in a bathtub where I’d have to step over the edge to get in/out), or safely walk to the kitchen, I’ve fallen twice and nearly fallen a bunch of times. So it’s absolutely the right decision, but it’s a sucky one.

And I’ve lost my voice. From the cough, from the cancer, I don’t know. But it sure sucks not being able to communicate with people other than text and facial expressions.

[catchymemes]

[peacozy]

I do not respect the grind. Go to bed

[eviltransnecoarc-deactivated202]

We have GOT to stop being assholes to people with receding and balding hairlines. There's not a single person that it can't affect. It affects trans men, particularly on hormones, it affects trans women, particularly those not on hormones, it affects people with endocrine issues, something that's becoming more prevalent and common, and it can affect people without a particular cause, including cis women. It's a normal part of being human and we NEED to stop dehumanizing and humiliating ppl for it

[androgynuisance-deactivated2024]

My bf started losing his hair in his early 20s and the effect it's had on him is devastating.

He's an actor and he was dropped by his agent after he stopped hiding his hair loss. The roles he was cast in narrowed and shifted from more heroic characters to villains, and eventually he became so miserable about it that he stopped going to auditions altogether.

He used to enjoy dyeing his hair bright colours, and he lost that means of self expression. It alienated him from his own appearance, which knocked him back in coming out and exploring his queerness. The way he talks about it often feels dysmorphic. He says shaving makes him feel like he's "rotting" - like he's "scraping the mold off [his] head".

I've seen drunk people and teenagers yell at him in the street and mock his baldness. I've seen people come up to him and slap his head or touch it without asking for permission. I've witnessed this behaviour from other trans people and women who I know would absolutely kick off if he took such a degrading or entitled attitude towards a part of their body, but seem to think it's OK to do it to him.

Since going bald people perceive him as more masculine. He feels people are more suspicious of him. Women are less likely to approach him. Folks are quicker to put him in a box or misread his behaviour as aggressive or threatening, when the reality is that he's neurodivergent and can't conform to rigid social norms.

Baldness is a heavily gendered characteristic. If someone is conventionally masculine enough and/or is protected by other intersecting powers and privileges (eg wealth) then baldness can reinforce their maleness and the harm to their social standing is minimised. But if their performance of maleness is complicated by something like queerness or disability, it creates a dissonance. They have what is perceived as a hypermasculine trait standing in sharp contrast with their refusal/failure to perform normative, idealised masculinity.

And that's how baldness is typically read - as failure. Especially when it exists outside of wealthy, successful, heterosexual masculinity but tbh even there too - just look at all the jokes about Jeff Bezos' baldness or Elon Musk getting hair plugs. It's similar to insulting Trump over his weight. Like yeah fuck those guys but all you're really doing is revealing to the fat and bald people in your life that you think their bodies are deserving of mockery.

And God help you if you're a bald woman. All women with receding hairlines are at a huge risk from transmisogyny.

Sorry for the essay. Baldness is absolutely a body neutrality issue. It's an ageism issue, and a trans issue, and I WISH there was a broader recognition of this.

[dearophelia]

Heyo cancer patient here! I’ve lost my hair four times in the past three years.

Whenever I leave the house, I wear a hat that covers my whole head. Otherwise, people look at me — a 38 year-old bald woman — and immediately clock me as Sick. And then either stare at me trying to figure out what I have, or aggressively avoid looking at me. That’s really fucking rude. It’s also super uncomfortable for me!

The hat helps me not stand out in a crowd, but I wish I didn’t have to wear it to avoid feeling uncomfortable when I leave my house. I wish people would just go “oh, bald woman” and move on with their day.

[sailor-freddie-mercury]

It’s a cold and it’s a broken mamma mia

[paradoxspaceheater]

hallelujah, here i go again

[steakandcheeeese]

2023 challenge everyone stop referring to fanworks as 'content' and human connection between fans as 'engagement'

[rollhistory]

Listen, if you interrupt me with a new task while I’m midway through another, you aren’t allowed to be mad when I switch to the new task immediately. You clearly thought the new task was important enough to interrupt me with it!

I am just a little pikmin! You’re the one with the whistle!!

[rollhistory]

‘You need to learn to prioritise’ no YOU do! You’re the one dishing out tasks!! All I need to do is take things back to the onion!

[dearophelia]

disordered eating cw

body, if you’re going to throw a fit and cramp and be nauseous because our stomach is empty, how about you let my appetite return! how about you let me fucking eat more than four crackers a day (not an exaggeration!)!

i would like me to eat something too! but i can’t, because you’re currently doing the “literally cannot force myself to choke down a single cracker in less than ten minutes” level of No Appetite