Dear Tyreill

A collection of little love notes to my darling.

[deartyreillk-blog]

Dear Tyreill,

I can hardly believe we've spent eight months together. I feel like we've been together much longer than that. You and I have been through so much. It's made clearer and clearer to me each day that you are the one for me. Even though I know this is true, sometimes I get scared that it's all in my head. Sometimes the idea of you proposing terrifies me. I can't exactly put in to words why, but basically it's because it's final. It means you want me forever and actually having that ring that says forever gives the decision more weight. Obviously I'm going to say yes. But there is that fear that the past will repeat itself. 

Wow. I really wanted this to be a sweet happy eight months letter. Turned out kinda sad. I'm sorry. Let's fix that.

I love you so much darling. I can't stop saying it because it's truer everyday. You are so good for me. I feel so alive when I'm with you. I feel like life is right when I'm with you. No other person on the planet has ever made me feel this way. Tyreill, I want you and only you for the rest of my life. Thank you for sharing the last eight months with me. Thank you for sharing your life with me. Thank you for being real with me. Thank you for being you. I can't wait to share the rest of my life with you as your wife. I love you I love you I love you Tyreill Kaleb Dock. 

Yours till the sun refuses to shine, 

Jeanna

[deartyreillk-blog]

Dear Tyreill,

Wow. 

The other night I told you some pretty intense stuff. At least it was intense for me. I never thought another person would ever hear those things. That was honestly one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I was really struggling with what you were going to think. And also fearing that what I was telling you didn't warrant me being so upset. I knew deep down that me telling you wasn't going to change the way you felt about me, but I couldn't get past my own shame. These things have been plaguing me for the last three years. I'm really glad you asked though. I don't have to face it on my own anymore. I actually feel a lot better. It doesn't erase the fact that it happened, but someone knows. Someone actually knows what I've been through. And still loves me. Thank you for being so wonderful.

I really can't tell you how absolutely in love I am with you. It goes beyond words the English language can explain. I never thought I would find someone I love as much as you. I always imagined settling for someone who was almost good enough. But darling you are beyond good enough. You are way more than I could have ever asked for. I love love love you. You are so good to me and I am so blessed to call you mine. 

The day we say I do will be the happiest day of my life. And I seriously can't wait. I want to be married to you so badly. I want to fall asleep next to you and not have to get up to go home. I want to cook meals with you. I want to sit in front of the TV all day with you. I want to do OUR laundry and OUR dishes and have keys to OUR house. I'm tired of yours and mine, I want ours. I hate you this and me that, I want we and us. I'm so dang impatient! 

Thank you God for giving me such a wonderful man. He is strong and supportive. He loves me and protects me and takes care of me. Thank you for giving me a partner for life. Please give me the patience to wait until your time for us to be married. And give us the tools needed to have a healthy happy marriage. Amen. 

[deartyreillk-blog]

Dear Tyreill,

It's been way too long since I've written you a letter. 

We've finally started school. Looks like a crazy busy year for me and a pretty laid back year for you. Which is fine, because it's your senior year so you shouldn't have to work hard. haha. I keep meaning to write on here but I feel like I'm constantly being pulled in a thousand different directions.

We haven't really done anything too exciting since we've been back. I'm just really enjoying being able to see you everyday and spend time with your handsome face. We made pizza from scratch last Sunday. That was fun. I have fun with you no matter what we do actually. It is a little annoying that we have to walk so far to see each other. But I keep telling myself that it's good cause it means that we're getting lots of exercise :) 

Well anyways, you're about to come over and I would much rather spend time with you than write on here. 

Forever and ever my love, 

Jeanna

[deartyreillk-blog]

Dear Tyreill,

Today was wonderful. I really enjoyed spending time with you this morning at critter cabana. I know you love that bird, but I don't. He's nice to look at and that's as far as I like. Enjoy him, I know it brings you happiness. We also held the cutest little puppies. I can't wait for us to find a pet of our own. 

We had a lot of down time today where we just laid around. I felt kinda bad cause Nae was with us and I'm sure she was bored half the time. I'm excited for people to get here tomorrow so she has the opportunity to make some friends. 

After we walked Nae home we went back to your place and snuggled on the trampoline. Snuggling with you is one of my all time favorite things to do. I can't wait until I can sleep next to you. For now I'll just have to deal with the time we get and be comforted by the smell of you that lingers on my skin. 

I love you with all my heart Tyreill. Nothing will ever change that. I am forever and ever yours. I will go with you wherever you go. Nothing will make me happier. 

Your girl for life, 

Jeanna

[deartyreillk-blog]

Dear Tyreill,

I am so beyond happy right now! I almost can't believe that we are both back here at Fox and will be together for a long while. Being able to be in your arms again was the best thing ever. I never want to leave them. 

I let you read my book of songs, which is more a book of poems than anything else. I'm not exactly sure why it's so hard to let people see them. I feel like people would judge and I've always been self conscious of my personal writings. Right now, you're the only person I trust to see them. I'm really glad I let you see them. They're not a secret anymore and that feels so great. I'm working up the courage to explain to you why you couldn't ask who they were about. I know when I tell you you'll probably tell me I had no reason to hesitate, but in my head it all makes sense. 

I am at such a loss for words. There's so much I want to say to you but I can't get the words to come out. I love you so very much. You mean the world to me. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't have you. I am so so very happy that we get to spend this year together and enjoy what God has for us. Who knows, maybe we'll even have our first fight :) It wouldn't be the same if it was someone else.  It's you and only you. 

Forever and a day, 

Jeanna 

[deartyreillk-blog]

Dear Tyreill,

Tomorrow! Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I. Cannot. Wait. 

We finally get to be a normal couple again! That will be so great. I'm so ready for things to be back to normal. 

Tonight you told me that you feel like we're out of the honeymoon stage. And I told you I've felt the same way for a bit now. I'm really excited to see what this next stage of our relationship is going to bring. We're going to experience a lot of new things this year and I can't wait to find out what God has for us. 

That's something I'm really looking forward to, seeking God together. Not that we haven't been doing that this summer, but it's a different experience when we're together. I love reading the Word with you and saying prayers together. And standing together before our God worshiping is one of my all time favorite things. 

I love you beyond words. I love our silly little 'arguments' and the way you laugh. I especially love the way you smile at me. Your whole face lights up and your happiness becomes contagious. I love you I love you I love you my dear. No other man could ever compare to you and that's why you're the only one who has my heart. I hope you'll keep it forever. 

Goodnight my cactus. Sweet, sweet dreams. 

My heart is yours, 

Jeanna

[deartyreillk-blog]

Dear Tyreill,

Tomorrow is the last day that stands between you and I being together for a long time!!! I'm so excited! Actually that word doesn't even begin to explain my feelings about it. 

Today was another day spent packing. I also did a lot of laundry. And sadly I still feel like I have a crap ton of stuff to round up. In reality, I'm pretty much only bringing the necessary stuff, it just seems like a lot more when I have to put it all in one place. I think this is a lot more stressful this year since my stuff is all over the house. Last year all I had to do was pack up my room, everything was in one spot. One things for sure, I'll be really glad when I can be done packing for a while. 

Hung out with the boys tonight. We went to Red Robin. Haven't been there in forever. It was a really good time. They don't want us to leave. haha. Ant keeps saying he's going to come to our house while we're gone and eat with our family and see Midnight. We'll see if he actually does. I think they're planning on visiting us. I hope they're able to. 

Darling, I miss you. It seems like forever since I've seen you. I can't wait to be in your arms again and kiss you and snuggle you and hold your hand. The only thing I can wait for is classes to start :) 

I love you so stinking much, 

Jeanna

[deartyreillk-blog]

Dear Tyreill,

My oh my how I love thee! 

I get to see you in two days!! Yay! I spent most of today packing my clothes and rounding up all my stuff. I still have a lot to do tomorrow though. I hate the fact that I have to pack it all up just to immediately unpack it all. Super annoying. Oh well, it just means that I will be seeing you soon and for a long while. The only good thing about it was that it rained so I wasn't missing out on the sun. 

We went and had out family photos done today. It was really fun. Jeff and Jen are so great. I would love for them to shoot our wedding. I actually can't imagine anyone else in that position. But they're a little bit pricey. So I guess I'm gonna start saving my pennies. 

Tyreill, I love you. I really do. And I can't wait to wake up next to you every day for the rest of my life. 

To infinity and beyond, 

Jeanna

[deartyreillk-blog]

Dear Tyreill,

I'm going to cheat and put the last few days all in one post. 

This weekend was incredibly long. Mostly because I had to hang out with people that I don't exactly like. My patience was thin most of the time and I often wanted to punch someone in the face. Besides all that, the weather was great and hanging out with Siah and Ant was so much fun!

We go out to the lake every summer with Hosea (the church group my parents are part of) for a weekend. I already knew that this year was going to drive me crazy because the two sisters my age were planning on bringing their boyfriends. Those two are bad enough on their own, add bf's to the mix and all hell breaks loose. To make the weekend bearable we invited Siah and Ant to come out with us. At first they said no cause they don't like the two girls either, but we convinced them that it would be fun. Thank the Lord they decided to come because I seriously would have lost my mind if they hadn't. We had a lot of laughs and made some good memories. I love those boys so much. That became truly evident this weekend. They are seriously like the brothers I never had. I hope we're all friends forever. Oh and Siah says he misses you. 

Funny story. Some how Avatar: The Last Airbender got brought up so we started talking about which characters we would be. Siah is definitely Sokka, everyone agreed on that. He thought he should be Aang which we all thought was hilarious. Everyone else pretty much agreed with their characters. Tiffany is Mai, Lanea is Toph, Ant is Zuko and I am Katara. Then they decided your Aang which works out perfectly :) Oh the conversations we have. I wish you could have been there. 

I love love love you my darling. I cannot wait to see you again on Thursday! I miss you so much. I hope your next few days of training aren't too boring. 

With all my heart, 

Jeanna

[deartyreillk-blog]

Dear Tyreill,

I miss you oh so much! Today was a beautiful day. Spent a lot of it packing to leave tomorrow. One last weekend of fun before I move back to campus. And gooooolly I can't wait till I move! It will be oh so lovely to see you every day again. It hit me today. If I hadn't broken up with Nick we would have been married for almost two months now. That makes me sick. I can't imagine what it would be like to be married to him. I am so glad that I finally decided to listen to God. He definitely knew what was best for me. If I had never gotten to the point where I wanted to break up with him I would have never found Fox. And if I had never actually broken up with him, I would have never went to Fox. And ofcourse, I would have never met you my love. God works in such mysterious ways. He truly is the reason we're together. I sadly still do not have a phone. So you will have to contact Nae when you arrive back from your wilderness adventure. I'm not sure if I'll be able to skype with you while I'm out there, but I'll be back by Sunday night to chat with you. I love you so so much Tyreill. Don't ever forget that. I hope your having a wonderful time becoming one with nature :) Your one and only, Jeanna

[deartyreillk-blog]

Dear Tyreill,

Can we run away and get married?

I'm just so impatient. I know that these next two years will fly by. We're not even engaged yet. I need to calm down. 

Today was a pretty great day. Went to Ikea and walked around for 5 HOURS. haha. Not really but we had a good time. We ate swedish meatballs and I found some ideas for decorating our future house. I can't wait till we get to do that. I got a great deal on a huge rug, super excited about that. The sun is finally back and I hope it stays around for camping this weekend. 

Can't believe classes start in two weeks. It seems like it's still really far away though. I'm hoping that I'll get my work schedule soon. It'd be nice to know when I'm working. I really can't wait to move into my apartment. You're gonna help me right? I really really can't wait to do all the things we used to. Like walk around town, go to critter cabana, sit in EHS late at night and talk, eat dinner together, read the bible and pray, hang out with our friends, all the other stuff that we do. 

I love you babe. Like crazy! I hope that you're having a great time with everyone in the wilderness! 

Yours for ALL time, 

Jeanna

[deartyreillk-blog]

Dear Tyreill,

I love you. I can never say it enough. 

These last couple days since you left have been a revelation. I think I've finally figured out what my lesson for the summer is. After you left on Friday I realized how much happiness you bring me. And then I realized that I might rely on you too much for my happiness. I shouldn't be counting on you for my happiness. I should be relying on God for that. If I'm looking to you for all of that our relationship is going to suffer. I realize that now. 

Babe, you are so special to me. I am absolutely, completely and totally in love with you. You light up my life. I keep thinking back to our first meeting. It was almost a year ago. It's so crazy to me that we're together. I would have never thought that we would be together. I'm actually really glad that it happened that way. It gave me the chance to be just friends with you first. I really really enjoyed our friendship, I still enjoy our friendship. Our relationship is proof that God has things planned out. 

I love you cactus. 

Your spare rib, 

Jeanna

[deartyreillk-blog]

Dear Tyreill,

First, before I forget I have to tell you this. I think you'll LOL. I had an amazing dream last night. I dreamt that we had a chinchilla and it had babies. I woke up smiling. ahaha. It was almost as good as dreaming about you.  

Oh darling, this might sound strange but I really can't wait to have our own house so we can cook dinner together every night. Or I can just cook you dinner, that would make me a very happy girl. I just want to marry you and live our happy life together. I need you in my life. I need your laugh and your smile and your embrace. Gosh. I miss you so much already. This next week is looming before me. It's going to be forever. I'm really dramatic sometimes, but right now I really need you. I need you to hold me, and whisper sweet nothings into my ear. I'm going crazy right now because I want you so bad. I want to curl up with you every night for the rest of my life. 

I was thinking about so many things throughout the day that I wanted to tell you in this letter. Now I've forgotten all of them. Makes me really sad. I'll remember eventually I guess. 

Everything you'll ever need, 

Jeanna

[deartyreillk-blog]

Dear Tyreill,

You just left me yesterday and it's already been too long. I absolutely hate being away from you. This is poop. 

Tyreill, you are the love of my life. My future is you. I love you I love you I love you. Everything about you. Your humor. Your compassion. Your love of people. Your love of God. Your want to take care of me. ahhhh. You are so amazing. You are everything I ever dreamed of and more. My soulmate. 

I hope you have a great time on walkabout. I'm not exactly looking forward to not talking to you for the next week, but I know you'll be having a good time so it makes it better. Enjoy all of God's creation and all it has to offer. 

I feel like I've been skimpin out on your letters lately. I have so many thoughts in my head lately and I can't lace them together into a coherent sentence. I'm sorry. Just know that I love you more than anything and I will be by your side for ever. 

Your cactus strawberry, 

Jeanna

[deartyreillk-blog]

Dear Tyreill,

The last couple days with you were the sweetest days I've had in a long time. When you walked through my front door on Tuesday, I didn't know what to do with myself. It was so strange. For some reason my brain had convinced me that you didn't exist in real life anymore. It was such a surreal moment. When it finally set in that you were here, gosh, it was almost like we never left each other. 

Tyreill Kaleb Dock, I love you FOREVER. Ohmyfreakinggosh! You are so amazing. Thank you for listening to everything I had on my mind. Thank you for loving me so sweetly. Thank you for being your wonderful self. There is no doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It's you you you only you. Good grief I just want to scream to the world how much I love you. 

I'm going crazy right now trying to express myself. I just love you so freaking much and that will never change. EVER.  

I hope this next week is full of great times for you. Enjoy the wilderness babe. 

Goodnight my darling cactus.

Your woman, 

Jeanna

[deartyreillk-blog]

Dear Tyreill,

I SEE YOU TOMORROW!!!!! 

My heart is going to explode with emotion. I've waited so long for this day and I can't believe it's finally here. It seems impossible. 

I have so many things rushing through my head all at once. I can't really make a coherent thought right now. 

I'm going to kiss you and hug you and kiss you again and probably shed a few tears. And then I will revel in all that is you! 

I love you so much my darling!

Your waiting lady, 

Jeanna

[deartyreillk-blog]

Dear Tyreill,

Tomorrow is the only day that stands between you and me!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm going to go crazy!! Babe, seriously, I thought this day would never come. This is going to be the best day of my life. I love you so so so much and nothing will ever change that. 

Today was a really long but good day! So much joy and happiness. This weekend was so great, but has been so long. I am so exhausted. I really want to stay up to talk to you, but I really can't. Besides, you should spend time with your family before you leave. 

I love you forever and ever my darling. I hope you have good times with your family. Goodnight my cactus. 

Your woman forever, 

Jeanna