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@deathsglaive-blog
arrowlorn.
` ✖┆@deathsglaive
❝ What are you fighting for exactly ? ❞
It seems he’s somehow envious. But of what? Even ol’ Niles begs himself for an ANSWER
❝ For the future, ❞ she says. A beat passes, and she looks to the man and the lines of her face are gentle and she considers him. ❝ For someone important. ❞
LIFE. i have to make icons from the crystal stuff that’s been released.... IN THE MEANTIME like this for a starter, maybe???
gently wraps her arms around hotaru
The affection SURPRISES HER, despite the fact that it should not. She is given more than enough adoration by her parents, but such a tender gesture still catches her off guard. Breath stutters in her chest and she stands still. Not moving. Barely breathing. Her heart is fluttering, a weak sort of thing, and she wonders what she would find if she were to unravel the knot which tangled itself within her chest. Melancholy, almost certainly. A sense of comfort, perhaps. The faintest glimmer of happiness, amongst senseless sadness and the instinct to shy away.
A moment passes and she returns to herself, inhales abruptly as her head lists and she looks up at the other woman, wondering if confusion was whirling in her eyes, if how distant she felt was clear in the lines of her face. Arms lift, and she feels as if she is in slow motion, and she wraps them around the woman, in return, smile spreading hesitantly.
❝What’s this for, Makoto? Is everything okay?❞ Voice soft, lilting and wavering and she feels frail beneath the weight of the universe, as if she is about to crumble apart. She thinks she feels glad for the arms supporting her. Wonders if she should say THANK YOU. Squeezes the woman about her waist, instead, and hopes that said enough.
[I was going to send an IC ask about Haruka asking if Hotaru wanted to visit her father's grave today (bc of spring equinox in Japan praying for one's ancestors) but then I realized that I'm not sure how your Hotaru would feel about a situation like that? What does Hotaru currently think of Professor Tomoe?]
LIFE. god okay let me just talk about this real quick because sdkjfsnkjfn thIS IS IMPORTANT so imma answer this publicly and i hope you don’t mind much!!! because….. hotaru’s feelings towards her dad are complicated, naturally.
THE THING IS THAT professor tomoe did abuse her, he prolonged her life and experimented on her and implanted some evil force into her etc, etc, etc and was all together NOT THE FATHER OF THE YEAR by a fucking landslide, man. however, as evidenced in the manga, hotaru did still care for her dad, and trusted in him and loved him because he’s her father and of course she loves him???? she cares about him. thinks that he cares about her. she doesn’t blame anything on him, specifically, for the time that he’s alive. and, as he dies ( or right before-ish ) she admits to herself that her father died a long time ago. and she’s sad about it. sad that her real father passed away ages ago, around the time that her mother died, and that she remained. would only remain for a little while, but she was who was left, and the father that she loved ( still loves ) died. ages ago.
and she grieves for him, for a moment. gives herself a shred of time wherein she mourns for her deceased father.
on her new lease of life, living with haruka and setsuna and michiru and loving them and being raised in a loving environment that did not dare harm her, something similar to her life before the fire, when she remembers her father i’m sure that she feels sad. very sad. an entire universe of sadness, grieving for him and for her mother and for their lives that ended YEARS AGO. i’m, at this point, positive that she does not think of the professor tomoe who experimented on her as her father. she thinks of the man who raised her when she was young, who loved her mother, who loved HER, who loved his science and loved his family as her father. and she loves him. loves the memory of him, of the sweet times that had long passed her by.
she doesn’t love the monster, but the loves the man that he used to be, and she remembers him with deep melancholy, but she loves him all the same, you know? in the end i think her feelings tend to be confusing, towards him, but she can differentiate between HER FATHER and THE MONSTER that remained of him, in the end, and she stills respects the man who was her father.
kazenoheishi.
Home, for what seemed like a long time, was a concept a little foreign to blonde. Comfort in places was not fully achieved until Michiru came into her life and helped take away the sting of a lonely life. The additions of Setsuna and Hotaru provided Haruka a different take on what a family could be: supportive, warm, and without mind games that went into trying to get one to change for the ❝ better. ❞ They all existed together here, peaceful and welcoming despite any differences of life. This was a place where the restless racer could comfortably rest.
And smile too, her eyes drifted back and forth across a colorful magazine, vaguely aware of Hotaru’s pulsing energy at her side on the couch. The comment slowly pulled her from the article and the further confidence caused the magazine to be ignored for full attention to her daughter.
❝ Oh? I like that attitude! You have been getting faster …wanna show me how faster you’ve become? ❞
Energy mellows and she settles, a slow progression as she stills and peers up at her beloved parent. She is a CHILD and yet she is not and she thinks that, at times, she should act as a child. A beloved daughter, as if she had not grown at an accelerated rate, and sometimes it is nice to pretend. Escapism is not something which she is fond of nor practice to excess, but the illusion of being a HAPPY FAMILY is as tempting as it is warm. Smile widens and she lifts her upper body, pressing her weight into her hands, back arching and face rising and she feels content.
Running is not quite something that she enjoys, so to speak, out of residual fear of life long past, but spending time with her Haruka-papa is something she enjoys. ❝ Of course, Haruka-papa, if you want to see! ❞
astreiia.
❝ maybe solitude was never your true fate after all? ❞ galaxia replied quietly as she stared down at the small senshi. her memories of killing this girl were still so incredibly vivid. she could still remember how it felt hearing her scream while her body melted into ashes from the blast of her attack. laughing gleefully as she tore her star seed away & watched the life drain from the child’s eyes.
her mouth twitched slightly at the memory, the curves of her lips moved downwards into a subtle frown. a fleeting moment of regret washed over, gone just as quickly as it had came. ❝ or maybe you were just fortunate enough to change your own fate. many are never given such a chance. ❞
She watches the smile, watches the frown, watches it all —— this woman, her enemy. No, former enemy. Saturn SCREAMS, demands, vehement distrust coursing through her veins, a poisonous sort of thing, and she feels it. Every last thud of her heart, burning to the very tips of her fingers, irrational anger. No. It is rational. It is. But they are one, often, and she cannot allow the past to cloud her. They must move past it. They must. The world cannot nurture itself if she clings to the past. So she looks at her, at this reborn woman and her heart beats.
Fear is not present within her, merely a sense of distant concern and a measure of discord within herself, alone. Head tilts and a faint smile appears and it is a slow and slight sort of thing. Her heart is both soft and combatant and it constricts as the corners of her mouth turn up. ❝ You’re right —— many are never given the chance. I was given another chance through my rebirth, however. Do you think YOU are being given another chance? ❞
cerehana.
SHE HAD only just realized how tense her muscles were when she started to relax them knowing that their princess was safe. Unintentionally, the senshi rested her hand on her chest and above her heart. It was as if she needed to reassure her heart of what her mind knew – that all was okay. The princess was her first and foremost primary concern. Ceres would be stricken with grief and guilt if anything had happened to Chibiusa. ❛ Then I have no other concerns. Thank you, Saturn, for your good news. I hope she is not in any pain. ❜ SAILOR CERES felt utterly useless here. She attempted to get up from her spot, but her body wouldn’t allow it. Her body shook with a mix of anger and pain. ❛ What a bother pain can be. ❜ Her gaze locked onto her dear friend. ❛ I do not wish to sound selfish, but do you mind staying with me for a little while? I would very much enjoy your company. Of course, I understand if you wish to see the others first. I do not mind if you cannot stay for long. ❜
Her heart beats for her princess —— for her QUEEN, as well —— and she knows it is a similar situation for all of the guardians who had been born to stand alongside them, to protect them. She knows well of what Ceres is saying, and is glad for it. There are still dredges of worry which plagued her, her heart constricts still, but it is slowing and she is breathing and her princess is breathing, as well. And she is glad.
Movement alerts her and she feels faint alarm for the other senshi, a word against her apparent decision to get up on the tip of her tongue, though it perishes there mere moments after its conception. She feels herself soften, something deep within her, and she does not quite SMILE but her head tilts and her lips curve and she remains gentle in the face of the request. ❝ I wouldn’t mind staying with you at all, Ceres. I’ve already reported back to the queen and I’m in no hurry. Would you like for me to take some of your pain away? ❞
dying and coming back gives you considerable perspective
✮ sailor moon aesthetic » hotaru tomoe
astreiia.
❝ like me you are a child of destruction. however, you were able to find a home. a family. love & acceptance. why? ❞
Mouth opens and she pauses and the world feels HEAVY and she breathes. Slow. ❝ I’m not sure, ❞ honesty pours forth and she makes no effort to stem its flow. ❝ I am meant to be alone. I don’t know why my family took me in. I’ve never asked. ❞ She’s always been scared of the answer.
‘ will you remember me in the same way as I remember you ? ’
DEATH OF A BACHELOR STARTERS. ( accepting )
She’s rotting on the inside. Or maybe she is still fresh as newly fallen snow. She is one or the other, and nothing in between. Dead or alive —— there is little middle ground, she is death and she is rebirth and she is on the cusp, wavering in between. She looks to her beloved mother and aches, inside. Hotaru aches. Saturn aches, too, a little bit. Heavy is the world upon her shoulders and weighted is the glaive in her hands and she knows, in another life, she would waver beneath it, but she does not. She stands, back straight and shoulders squared and face soft and a smile quirking at tired mouth and eyebrows lift, faint. Love settles in her heart, had seeded long ago and grown its roots and bloomed and it was all that kept her connected, all that kept her from floating away. So isolated she was, before, and now she is LESS SO. She was loved. She is loved. She loves.
Perhaps she is not just the end ushering in the beginning. maybe you are more than that.
There is something crumbling within her and she steps forward, drifting, hand reaching out, fingers stretching. A touch, fleeting, to the woman’s cheek, the touch of a daughter. She was not borne by her, she would not be borne by her, they are not connected by blood but MORE THAN THAT. Souls intertwined, locked and woven and she cannot be torn away. Not again. Her heart beats and she cannot regret a thing. ❝ One day I will, I’m sure. You’ll find me again, Michiru-mama, and I’ll remember soon. Maybe this time I can play the cello, ❞ lighthearted tease in the wake of THE END and she jumps away, floating, staff twisting in her hand and she is smiling. Beauty before the end.
👫
HEADCANON MEME. ( accepting )
Hotaru isn’t huge on working out, but she’ll go running with Haruka. Most of her dislike of physical activity is residual fear from her previous life, but she’s generally happy to go running with Haruka. By the time she physically ages to about sixteen, she goes running in the mornings with Haruka at least every other day. This is limited by and large to running, and only casual running, and it’s roughly the only habit that she adopted from Haruka.
When Hotaru gets scared she goes to Haruka, first. That’s a known fact in general. It bleeds over into her life as she gets older, too, in large part when she’s terrified for other people, whether it be Chibiusa or Usagi or Michiru or Setsuna or one of the other guardians. When someone is seriously hurt and is in danger of actual death Hotaru goes to Haruka immediately. She doesn’t cling to her or cry ( usually, anyways, when she does get like that is something severely serious ) but she sits with her silently because she gets comfort purely from Haruka’s presence.
On the other hand, Haruka is the last one to know when Hotaru plans to do something dangerous. They can both be pragmatic about their decisions and they are both similar in the extent of their protectiveness, but when Hotaru decides to do something extremely dangerous, including sacrificing herself and things along those lines, she generally doesn’t tell Haruka. Pretty much ever. She generally fears that Haruka will try to stop her from doing anything that will risk her life, and Hotaru is stubborn when she makes a decision with that much gravity so she doesn’t want to be stopped. Ergo, they’ve had multiple arguments along these lines and those are the one of the few times that cause Hotaru to raise her voice.
During anything formal, Hotaru remains next to Haruka. This is especially the case when Chibiusa is tied up with other things or is an infant. The only exception is when she has to be with someone else, or there’s a certain level of danger that requires them to be on guard. However, when it’s just something formal with minimal danger levels, she and Haruka linger at the fray, dance together, and generally just spend time together.
👫 !!!!!!
( meme. accepting !! )
Hotaru and Chibiusa are, essentially, platonic soulmates. They’ve been inseparable for as long as she can remember and Chibiusa considers her, without a doubt, part of the family. In fact, the Inner Senshi like to remind her that when she was very young, she was often inconsolable until she got to have her time with Hotaru. Sometimes, when the mood strikes, she likes to disguise herself as a civilian and go into the city with Hotaru, parading as sisters.
Chibiusa is fiercely protective of Hotaru, and maybe even a little terrified for her. She’s always known that Saturn is the soldier of destruction and rebirth. The fact that Hotaru is more than willing to sacrifice herself for the good of everyone else, has often been a heated subject between them, with lots of tense discussion and to a lesser extent, some emotional tears. Chibiusa will throw herself in the line of fire repeatedly if it will keep Saturn from having to make that sacrifice.
Hotaru isn’t technically a part of Chibiusa’s team of Senshi, but she often considers her part of the team regardless. As such, Chibiusa likes to include her in the meetings and going-ons of herself and the Asteroid Senshi, which has often been beneficial in the long-run. Saturn has the most experience of any of them, so any advice or wisdom she can dispense is appreciated.
When it came time that Chibiusa pursued a relationship with Helios, Hotaru was the most supportive, but also the most envious. With how inseparable they’ve been and everything they’ve been through together, it’s a little difficult for Hotaru to accept that she’s not the only important person ( other than family ) in Chibiusa’s life anymore. In the early stages, they once got in an argument over Chibiusa spending all her time with Helios and a fraction of the time she used to spend with Hotaru. They were eventually able to talk it out and patch things up, and from that point on, Chibiusa was much more attentive that she didn’t neglect her friendships.
" it's a hell of a feeling, though. "
DEATH OF A BACHELOR STARTERS. ( accepting )
❝——It is, isn’t it? ❞ a wavering tone, a weak cadence, she feels a peculiar sort of emptiness within her, alongside feeling full to the brim, overflowing with feelings, all but choking on them. The world shudders and she looks at the woman, incandescent in her radiance, the unwavering leader, lovely in her entirety. She does not oft defer to HER as a matter of course, but she wonders if she knows. If she understands.
——No, she does know. She must.
A hand lifts, brushes against her collarbones and they feel too stark and hurt is radiating within her and she does not know where the pain is originating. Too many places. Pin pricks of pain, building and overlaying and blurring into a mass, and she wonders where the pain ends and she begins. No, they are one. She focuses on the woman instead, and smiles, deceptively soft. They are not of one heart, they are not of one mind, but they stand on even ground somewhere. At least one place, and for that she is glad. ❝ Protecting the princess you love more than anything.❞ She feels herself fade, and wonders if they were meant to be this way, always.
**Grunge Fashion Aesthetic**
cerehana.
IT WAS the first major battle she had fought since she and her sisters’ awakening. And though she was mentally and physically prepared, the battle was as intense as she thought it would be. ‘ Difficult ’ was an understatement, but Saturn didn’t need to know of it at this time. Ceres could see the DREADED look on her dear friend’s features. There was no need to tell her the tragic tales of what occurred. Ceres firmly squeezed her delicate hand to make sure Saturn could rest easy. ❛ I am fine. Please do not place your concerns on to me, dearest Saturn. Yes, the fight was as difficult as you would expect it to be. ❜ Truthfully, Ceres didn’t wish to speak of it at this time. The thought made her skin crawl in uneasiness. In any case, the only worry the senshi had was of one person and one person alone. ❛ How is the PRINCESS? Is she alright? Please tell me she made it out okay. ❜
It settles in her, the bleak feelings that had clung to her ribs, to her bones, to her very ORGANS, and she breathes. Soft. Saturn demands practicality, still, after all these years, but Hotaru is gentler. More emotional. She holds herself at a distance as she wont to do, but Ceres is her friend and her heart bleeds, a slow drip, hardly enough to be of much concern. She wishes, above all else, that she had BEEN THERE as she should have been. Responsibilities said otherwise, however, and so she had been displaced from where her heart felt like it remained. Perhaps such worry could have been avoided, perhaps injury could have been sidestepped. What ifs were useless, however, and she knows that well. Shrugs the feelings aside. Instead squeezes the girl’s hand, in return, and she softens at the mention of her princess. Of their princess. ❝ Chibiusa is doing well —— I saw her, before coming here. She’s recovering and the healers say that she’ll be as good as new in no time, ❞ she does not mention how bereft she feels, not having been allowed to heal her dear friend.
