deciphering_m

23~INFJ~always high on caffeine // CS major //

[delusionalrobot]

from the introduction to emily wilsons translation of the iliad

[transfagholmes]

[Text: You already know the story. You will die. Everyone you love will also die. You will lose them forever. You will be sad and angry. You will weep. You will bargain. You will make demands. You will beg. You will pray. It will make no difference. Nothing you can do will bring them back. You know this. Your knowing changes nothing. This poem will make you understand this unfathomable truth again and again, as if for the very first time.]

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“but there are times when one can only find peace of mind in the realization: I, too, shall not be spared by unhappiness.”

-Vincent Van Gogh

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“inside my head, the war is everywhere” -Time is a mother

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when franz kafka said “what am i doing here in the middle of endless winter”, he was talking about this.

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Someone once said how you love others the way you want to be loved. And it took me many years to realize why I always do too much for the people I love. It is hard to do things for people without expecting anything in return. We are all humans and being completely selfless is not one of our many virtues.

Lately I have been feeling a little unloved. Then I have to remind myself, that your thoughts are not your feelings. I have had my fair share moments of feeling overwhelmingly loved. And I tried documenting those moments in 500 different ways to hold onto them. My notes pages are filled with tales of "Remember this moment, you were happy here." "Remember this feeling, you felt loved." But I wish I didn't have to live with these reminders. I wish I didn't have to hold onto the past to remind myself you were once loved. I wish every moment in my present screams of love. Overflowing. Overwhelming. Overjoying. Kinda love. In the present. Kinda love.

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excerpts on love from somebody who will love you in all your damaged glory

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fall vibes

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Something inside me hurts after finishing this book. And I don’t think we as a society will ever recover from the boy who runs towards fire.

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so cal and norcal blues, but in film

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i have never liked flowers because of how quickly they die. i would think it’s a waste of money to buy something that wouldn’t last. but in 2022 we are accepting impermanence. flowers spark joy in our lives only for a few days..and also make us realize that joy isn’t suppose to be everlasting.

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It’s just me, flowers and coffee against the world.

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to answer everyone’s questions: the first drink is a cold brew with salted caramel cold foam and extra caramel drizzle. the second drink is a hazelnut mocha made by me :) love to see everyone appreciating the coffee <33

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It’s just me, flowers and coffee against the world.

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“And yes home is that house where you no longer live. Home is before and you live in after.” these words were read at a corner coffee shop in Sausalito, thousands of miles from everyone and everything.

-the anthropocene reviewed, my favorite summer read

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here’s my last finals week post,,,, the last of those endless sleepless nights, Red Bulls and messy desks.

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did a bullet journal spread after ages and it feels good to organize all the crazy due dates.

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They say that your life is supposed to be a sum of all your experiences. Not only the good ones, but also the bad ones. I don’t think its a sum. Life is just the moments. It is this very moment where I am sitting in my sunny living room typing this rambling. If you think of life to be just this moment, then you really don’t have to let your past or your future cloud your mind and weigh you down. A sum is too complicated, but a single moment is simple and grand at the same time.

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Day 86 // 100 days of productivity

Homesick for a place called home which doesn’t even exist

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feeling it today