I am 10 and I am smiling uneasily as they point at
my forehead and laugh, their stares pinning
me to the ground and wiping my pride in
being an Indian right off my face.
I do not wear bindis out in public anymore.
I get angry at my mother when she asks why.
I am 13 and I am out with my parents after going
to the temple; I’m wearing a pavadai, something
that my grandma and mum - no, my amma -
picked out for me with love and care. When
I stumble across my friend, the look in her eyes
when she sees what I am wearing makes me want
to tear it right off. When I get home, I do.
It is only the beginning, you see. You, white skin,
pale girl, narrow nose, hair straight and soft
as spin silver. Me, dark skin, dark eyes, hair wild
and wavy and unruly. Me, with a culture that chokes
me daily because of you.
You laughed at me, white girl. You mocked me, spat
at me, looked at me with contempt at scorn. You
thought my bindi was a joke. You thought my gods
were a joke. You thought my traditions and symbols
and religion were jokes.
5 years on and you, white girl, are wearing coloured
plastic bindis sold in Urban Outfitters. You have anOm tattooed on your ankle, never mind how
much of a religious symbol it is to us. You have
Ganesha’s face on your shirts.
You reach out, white girl, (your hands give me
nightmares; they have taken my identity right
from under my feet) and call my deitiesmythological figures, you say myths are
just a word, you’re reducing them to stories,
you’re justifying what you do and all I can do is
sit here and watch because
THAT IS WHAT I HAVE DONE ALL MY LIFE.
Because this is just another step in a war that
I was in before I even knew how to fight.
You, white skin, white girl, able to wear my culture
like a second skin without worrying about
its consequences - why not wear my skin, too?
Wear my brown. Wear my shame at your laughter.
Wear my disgust with myself, with my curry
smell, with my mehndi.
Wear my annoyance when someone asks me if I
speak Indian - as if a country with over 200
LANGUAGES can be simplified to Indian.
As if anything about my country is simple.
yousharknotpass
2087
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