Ari @deepari - Tumblr Blog

I never really got to say goodbye, and I think that’s what fucked me up.

I promised you I would try my hardest to live for the two of us, but sometimes it’s so hard.

#depression #depressed #depressing shit #social anxiety #anxiety #anxious #i am alone #always tired #very tired #i'm just so tired #im really tired #im tired #suicide #suicidalthoghts #suicidalthought #father #death tw

I really do miss you more than I thought I would.

#daddy issues #depression #depressed #social anxiety #anxiety #anxious #always tired #very tired #i'm just so tired #im really tired #im tired #suicidalthoghts #suicidalthought #suicidal #suicide

Everyone around me seems to die, except me. And I bet I’m the only one that wants it.

They tell you that you can count on them, that you can tell them everything without trouble. But once you do, once you let them see just a piece of who you really are, they look at you with those eyes. The eyes that scream judgement, that can’t recognize you, that look at you with pity. And all you know, is that you couldn’t count on them either.

#anxious #social anxiety #anxiety #im so drained #always tired #very tired #i'm just so tired #im really tired #im tired #i'm tired #tired #im so tired #drained #exhausted #no emotion #i feel numb #depression #depressed

I wish you could come down a minute, to talk to you, to see you, to hug you one last time.

deepari

I hope that one day, I run into my dad, just so I can tell him everything that I kept once; I would thank him for leaving me, for being the first person to break my heart, for leaving me waiting for hours, for using me, for fooling me, for destroying me; because he taught me that anyone can hurt me, anyone can leave me, because if my own father did, anyone else can.

deepari

He died.

I live in constant pain.

I wish I could explain why sometimes I just feel like getting away from everything, from everyone.

And every time I look at those scars, they remind me how much I hate myself.

I’m not living for myself anymore. I stay alive just so I don’t hurt them, yet they call me selfish.

Being sad is so comforting. You never have to care about it going away.

Did the trend when you suffle your music and the first song that comes up defines you 2020. Let’s hope it really does.

I don’t really get disappointed anymore, because I learnt not to expect anything from anyone, not even from myself.

I distance myself from people, because once they get to know me, they will do it by themselves.

No one could hate me as much as I hate myself.

People tell you to fight for what you want, but what I want is something that I don’t have to fight for, in fact, I just have to give up completely.

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Ari