Gator & miss are doing well together, Blake is making miss feel uncomfortable.
Unwanted advances, little bit of smut but not really I guess. 18+
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âItâs strange to see you this side of the doorâ Blake laughed from behind you, you turn slowly to face him. Oh shit, the last time you spoke to him was when you kicked him out of your house after letting him think he was about to get lucky.
âI knowâ you sigh as you wait outside Dollieâs classroom door, awkwardly turning back around hoping thatâs the end of the conversation.
âThereâs been another job opening, at my sonâs high school if youâre interestedâ he stepped forward so he was next to you now, his arm brushing against your shoulder. âI could help you again?â He smiled down at you.
âI think Iâm just gonna take some time off from workingâ you gave him a quick half smile, pulling your phone out of your pocket to check the time to see how much longer you had to suffer this awkward encounter. âSpend some time at homeâ
âThatâs a shameâ he sighed looking down at your phone âhereâ he grabbed your phone from your hands before you had chance to stop him âmy number for if you want the info put your number in hereâ he pushed his phone into your hands before giving you chance to think. Eyes burning down into you as he waited for you to do as he asked, so you did.
âDoneâ you half smile as you pass him the phone back, stomach turning.
âWanna take the girls to the park?â Your stomach turned, why isnât he taking the hint. He must have noticed the expression on your face as he took a step back âjust friendsâ he raised both hands in the air laughing.
âN-â
âMama!â Dollie shouted as she wrapped her arms around your legs, you look down at her smiling softly.
âHey baby!â
âGirls! What do you say we go to the park?â Blake cut in, grinning down at the girls. You skin was prickling with anxiety as you look at him.
âYes! Yes! Yes!â The girls screamed holding onto each others hands.
âDollie, daddy will be home soon. We should get goingâ you nervously smiled at her, praying she wouldnât fight you on this today.
âItâs cool, just half an hourâ Blake pushed as he stepped closer to you, eyes burning into you.
âPlease mamaâ Dollie begged as she jumped up and down in front of you.
You exhaled as you looked at her, she had you right where she wanted you at all times.
âOkay, not for longâ you smile at her.
The walk to the park was mostly silent, from you anyway. The girls were happily skipping together and chatting away, Blake was talking to you about how his relationship with his wife ended. You tried to drown it out, not really giving a fuck as you just nodded.
At the park it didnât get much easier, the girls played together while you watched. Blake went on and on and on not getting the hint that you didnât want to hear it, you didnât even want to be here.
âSo, you never told me what happened with himâ this caught your attention, turning towards him as you looked at him. Fuck, Gator. You knew having to tell him you were here with Blake today wouldnât go down well, but in your defence you didnât even want to do it.
âWe.. we sorted itâ you smiled softly, noticing the way his expression dropped as he looked at you âweâre back togetherâ
âOhâ Blake looked down at the floor before forcing a smile and looking back at you âwasnât expecting thatâ he scoffed.
âHe made some mistakes, donât we allâ you let out a breathy laugh as you look at him, his expression blank as he looked at you. You could feel the panic rising through your body, his eyes felt intense as they watch you.
âdoesnât mean it canât happenâ
âWhat canât happen?â You looked at him confused, heart beating in your chest rapidly. Oh god you felt scared, why did you feel scared?
âI know you like me, just like I like youâ Blake scoffed, shuffling closer to you on the bench âWouldnât have invited me round that time if you didnât, No one has to knowâ
Your breath caught in your throat as you looked into his eyes, fuck had you really given him that impression?
âN-noâ you started to shake your head âI don-â
âHey! If itâs easier not to admit it, thatâs fine by meâ his hand settles against your thigh squeezing it, your eyes shoot down to where it rested before looking back up at him âwe can make it workâ he smirked as his hand slowly moved further up your thigh.
âDollie! We have to goâ you called as you practically jumped up off the bench, heart racing as you walked towards her.
âBut mama..â Dollie pouted as her friend held onto her arm also pouting.
âPlease babyâ you quietly pleaded and to your surprise she didnât fight you, holding onto her hand as you turn with her bumping straight into Blake who was right behind you.
âDid you ever tell him about that day?â He whispered next to your ear, sending a chill through your body. You turned your face away from him, looking down at Dollie whose eyes were wide as she looked between the two of you. âIâd hate to have to break the news to himâ
âStopâ you whisper âit was nothing. I was in a bad place, this is.. nothing. Iâm happyâ you tried your hardest to convince him, maybe heâd back off it he knew how happy you really were.
Blake let out a sarcastic laugh as you gripped onto Dollieâs hand tighter, her big eyes looking up at you with worry.
âWasnât nothing and isnât nothingâ you feel the sick rising in your throat as his breath hits yours lips, quickly stepping back from him.
âI said STOPâ you snap.
You swallowed hard as you looked at him, everything in you telling you to run but you were frozen with genuine fear. Maybe you could call gator? Heâd help diffuse the situation but how would you explain to him that youâd got yourself into this situation in the first place. Fuck.
âSame time tomorrow?â He smiled picking the tone of his voice back up looking down at Dollie âmake sure mama brings youâ he squeezes her cheek softly before walking away.
~
You slam the door of the house behind you, gator wasnât home yet.
You were thankful, the expression on your face he would know something was wrong. At least you had a few hours to pull yourself together before he got home.
âChase me!â Dollie giggled as she ran towards the kitchen, looking back over her shoulder every so often âcâmon mama!â
âComingâ you smiled as you ran towards her, thoughts of everything that happened at the park flooding your head making you stop dead in your tracks.
âMama?â Dollieâs eyes focused on your face, you looked down at her smiling softly âgot yaâ you reached out pulling her into you.
âYour doing the sad smileâ she pouted âI donât like the sad smileâ
Your chest tightened at her words, she deserved your full attention. Not whatever this was.
âLetâs get you some dinner, yeah?â You smiled softly as you ran your hand over the cheek that Blake had squeezed.
âOkay mamaâ she smiled as you watched her drag the chair from the table towards the kitchen counter so she could reach the sides.
You kept your mind as focused as possible on Dollie, it wasnât too hard with how much she chatted. She told you all about her day at school, her friends and even about what she wanted to read tonight in bed. You nodded along as you listened to her, making all the right sounds as she explained things to you. But your mind kept flicking between the baby, gator, and how you suddenly felt so un easy about Blake. Heâd always been so understanding in the past, youâd even class him as a friend so what changed? Why did you feel sick about him when you thought of him? The way he touched your skin made your body shake, it felt wrong on all levels. It was unwanted.
Everything moved quickly before you knew it youâd ate, bathed Dollie and tucked her safely in bed. You hopped into the shower trying your best to scrub the memories of today away, the only sound through the house was the sound of the water hitting the floor. Relaxing, almost.
You pulled one of gators old T-shirts onto your wet body as you stepped out of the shower, not bothering to dry off. You picked up your phone off the side, only ten minutes until he usually walked through the door.
You looked at yourself in the mirror, hand resting against your stomach as you forced a smile to your face. He couldnât know, you couldnât ruin this.
~
âEveninâ
âGatorâ you pushed up off the sofa walking towards him, hair still dripping down your back as you reached him. Wrapping your arms around his waist as your head rested against his chest.
âYer like a drowned ratâ he laughed as he rested one of his hands against the back of your head âgot ya these on my breakâ you stepped back watching as he dug his hands into his pocket before pulling out the little bottle.
âWhat is it?â You reached your hand out towards it, he placed them gently into your hand as he watched your expression soften.
âVitamins, thought ya could use em while ya get ya self back right with ya eatin an all thaâ
You smile up at him, heart fluttering as you watched the smile spread across his lips. He was clearly proud of himself for trying, knowing more than you did about pregnancy had its perks. He felt like he could finally take care of you, like you had for him all these months.
âThank youâ
âSâokâ he shrugged as he looked at you âhowâs doll been?â
âGoodâ you smiled softly walking back towards the sofa with gator following behind you, you placed the bottle of vitamins down on the table. âTook her to the park after schoolâ
âYeah?â He grinned at you âbet she loved tha, did Tara come?â
Your chest tightened as you looked at him, your eyes moving back to the vitamins on the table.
âNo, we still havenât.. made upâ you half smiled still not looking at him. âJust us twoâ lie, lie, lie.
âYa need ta be careful by ya self pretty girl, bad people out n boutâ
Things still felt a little awkward with Gator, back together but things still felt.. off. Like neither of you wanted to make the first move to touch each other, scared one of you would pull away.
âMissed yaâ gators hand rested against your stomach softly âya ate today?â
âNot yetâ you shrugged.
âItâs 11pm mamaâ gator sighed âcmereâ he draped one arm over the back of the sofa giving you space to sit next to him.
You shuffled into the gap, his arm moving to wrap around you now. Big hand placed against your stomach, like that was its new place.
âYa know, ya gotta tryâ
âI am, Iâm sorryâ you sighed as you turned your face to look up at him, his eyes meeting yours instantly and thatâs where they stayed. No words, no movement just a quiet moment, like you both understood what this was but didnât at the same time.
âDonât be sorryâ gator whispered, letting his nose drag across yours slowly ânothin ta be sorry boutâ
You let your eyes flicker shut, the feeling of his skin against yours erasing every worry consuming you.
âI canât wait yâknow?â His voice was soft, soothing almost as his eyes settled against his hand resting on your stomach âta jus be a family, we need some happy mamaâ
âWe doâ you smiled up at him softly, resting your hand on top of gators âIâm glad itâs with youâ
âWho else would it be?â Gator teased making you laugh, his chest filling with butterflies just like it always did when you laughed ânah, I get it. Meant to be pretty girlâ
âDo you love me?â You whispered letting your lips brush against his softly, a quiet hitched breath falling from him.
âMore than anythinâ he whispered back, his own lips bumping against yours as he spoke. âAlways haveâ
You pressed your lips against his softly, hesitantly but he returned the kiss. You got onto your knees on the sofa so you were facing him fully, his hand resting at the back of your neck as he pulled you back towards his lips. You can taste the sweet taste of his vape on his breath as you kiss him, parting your lips to let him inside. Tongues brushing against each other softly as he groaned into your mouth, gators other hand slowly moving up your thigh before softly squeezing your ass as you bit down on his bottom lip.
âSo perfect, mamaâ he whispered as he pulled you onto his lap âmy pretty girlâ his lips moving down to your neck, placing wet open mouthed kisses trailing down to your collar bone. âMissed this so muchâ his tone was soft, everything about tonight seemed soft.
A different side of gator that you wasnât used to, but you liked it.
âMe tooâ you whispered back as you rolled your hips against his lap, feeling his hard cock against you. Your eyes flickering shut at the feeling you craved so much, gators hands found the bottom of the oversized shirt you were wearing pulling it over your head leaving you completely bare ontop of him.
Gators eyes darkened as his eyes worked their way down your body before looking back up to you, head dipping slightly to kiss across your chest. One hand resting against your breast as his mouth kissed its way down to the other, sealing his warm lips around your nipple as you moan softly. Your back arching as he sucked at it softly, warm tongue swirling across it.
âGator..â
Your phone was buzzing away on the table in front of you, gator pulled away from you looking at it. His stomach turning, your phone never rang. Youâd said you still hadnât made amends with Tara so who was it?
âWanna get that?â
âNo, noâ it was probably just Tara trying to make peace, she could wait. You pull gators face back towards your chest.
âFuckin love theseâ he pulls away from your nipple to switch over to the other one âtheyâre gonna get so big all full mamaâ he groaned against your chest at the thought.
Your phone buzzed again, not stopping this time. Gator sighed as he pulled away again, eyes looking up at you.
âSounds importantâ
âItâs notâ you smile before leaning back into him, lips pressed to his as you moved his hands to your hips. âThis isâ you whisper against his lips.
Gator smiles before moving back in kissing your lips as his big hands move up your back, sending a shiver through your body.
Buzzing, again.
Gator exhales against your mouth, shaking his head as he looks up at you.
âJus check it, then turn it offâ he sighed âwant all ya attention tonight prettyâ
you climbed off sending him a flirty smirk, grabbing your phone off the table. Stomach turning as you looked down at it.
UNKNOWN: are you with him?
UNKNOWN: bet youâre thinking of me
UNKNOWN: did you like it when I touched you today?
UNKNOWN: I can touch other places tomorrow baby, touching myself thinking about it.
UNKNOWN: missed call
UNKNOWN: stop playing hard to get
UNKNOWN: missed call
Your hands start to shake as you held onto the phone, quickly turning it off placing it back down onto the table.
âWho was it?â Gator asked as he started stripping out of his clothes, a feeling of shame washing over you as you looked at him.
You wanted to tell him, you really did but everything was back on track. This would for sure throw it back off again, it wasnât worth it. You could sort this.
âTaraâ you smiled softly before walking back over to him.
Gator finds comfort in Dollie & takes miss on a date in an attempt to stop her pushing him away.
Not much going on in this one, re building relationships ready for a more chaotic one next x
âMama, is star okay?â Dollie looked up at you from her seat at the table, big eyes twinkling.
âSheâs fine baby, I took real good care of her while you were goneâ you kissed the top of her head.
âI didnât like being gone mama, I was scaredâ you sighed as you looked at her, she really had been through so much for such a little girl. âThe police kept coming, daddy was sadâ
âThat does sound scaryâ you crouched down infront of her resting your hands ontop of hers âbut you were such a brave girlâ you smiled softly at her.
âYa were the bravest girl everâ gator cut in, crouching down next to you. Resting his hand over yours and Dollieâs âyer home now baby, never leavin againâ
âDo you promise daddy?â Gators stomach turned as he looked into her eyes, heâd really fucked up between the both of you.
âPromiseâ he squeezed your hands before standing up âspeakin bout star..â
âYES!â Dollie squealed as she jumped up, hang grabbing onto gators quickly âcome on daddy!â She pulled at his arm to pull him away from the table.
âCan ya see if Tara can have her later? Maybe..â
You looked at him, confused. He never let anyone watch her, never let her out of his sight unless it was you.
âWanna take ya out, sâbout timeâ
~
âAre you sad daddy?â
Gator looked at Dollie, her little hand holding onto stars brush as she took her time grooming her. Chest tightening, sheâs the only one to ask since getting back.
âA littleâ gator exhaled before smiling at her âeveryone gets sad, Dollie girlâ
âI was sad when I missed mamaâ Dollie pouted âand starâ
Gators stomach turned, he couldnât cope with the fact heâd destroyed everything. Pulling everything apart when it was all going so perfect, no one understood why he did it no matter how much he explained.
He was worried no one ever would understand, but he knew heâd fucked everything up. Not just for you, for Dollie too.
Memories flooding his mind of how brave she was, never once getting angry when he pulled her away from her life, cutting her off from you.
Her sad face everytime he told her she couldnât call, couldnât come back home yet.
âI know baby, Mâsorryâ he ran his hand over Dollieâs head making her smile. âDaddy made a bad choiceâ
He didnât, heâd do it all again if it meant keeping her safe forever.
âWhy are you sad daddy?â
âYa know when ya smacked that kid at school and it was a bad choice?â
Dollie nodded as she looked at him before looking down at the floor like she was waiting to be punished for it.
âHow did ya feel after?â
âNaughty and sadâ Dollie whispered.
Gator let out a breathy laugh as he looked at her.
âYer not naught baby, but thatâs how I feel. I made a bad choiceâ
âAnd now you feel naughty and sad?â Dollie gasped as she looked at him, eyes wide like the thought of her daddy feeling this way hurt her.
âSure do, babyâ gator sighed as he sat down on the floor next to where she was standing.
Dollie placed the brush down on the floor before walking over towards him, arms wrapping around his neck.
âYouâre not naughty daddyâ she placed a kiss to his cheek as he pulled her against him, arms wrapped around her tightly âlove you daddyâ
Gators breath caught in his throat, feeling like the wind had been knocked out of him. Turns out the only one willing to hear him out right now was his six year old daughter.
âLove ya, Dollie dotâ
âWhy donât you tell mama youâre sad? Mama helps me when Iâm sadâ
Gator let out a breathy laugh as he squeezes her gently.
âCause daddy made mama feel sad too with his bad choicesâ
Dollie pulled away to look up at him, gator could see the conflicted look on her face.
âShall I show you how mama makes me feel better and then you can do it to her?â
âGo fer itâ
Dollie reaches both her hands out towards his stomach smirk on her face as she digs her fingers into his ribs tickling the skin through his shirt.
âStopâ gator laughs as he holds onto her hands, Dollieâs hands fighting against his to continue.
âSee?â Dollie grinned as she looked at him âall better, mama knows how to make everything betterâ
âShe doesâ gator sighs as he pulls Dollie back against him.
~
âDid ya sort things with Tara?â
You nod as you wipe down the counter, still not ready to talk to him, finding it hard to even look at him.
âCan ya be ready fer six?â
You look up at the clock on the wall, 5pm already. You wanted to ask him where he was taking you, did you need to dress up? Of course you didnât. It was gator, heâs probably taking you to the diner five minutes down the road.
You felt guilty for even thinking that way, it shouldnât matter where he was taking you. This was new, he was trying.
âOkayâ
Gator nodded at you before walking away, taking Dollie up to her room to pack a bag.
You walk into your room pulling out different items of clothing, nothing looked right. Nothing felt right.
The whole situation felt wrong, days ago you were being beat by a man you didnât know in this house. Now you were being taken on a date?
You try to push the thoughts to the back of your mind, nausea washing over you once again.
The hangover from last night hitting you like a truck, hopefully there was alcohol wherever you were going tonight to drown it out.
You settled on a sun dress, not too casual, not too dressy.
You spent the next ten minutes building concealer against the bruise on your neck until it was completely hidden before moving onto the one under your eye.
You looked just like you when you were finished, looking just like you did before everything went wrong.
The old you, the one that didnât carry anything heavy. The you that was happy all of the time, carefree.
You smiled at your reflection before pulling your hair up into a messy bun, leaving a few strands loose at the front of your face.
âMama⊠wowâ Dollie giggles as you walk out of the room towards her.
âOh thank youâ you blush as you look at her, you hadnât felt beautiful in a long time. âYou ready to go see baby Tommy?â
âYes!â Dollie held onto your hand as you walked down the stairs with her. âWait my bag!â
âGot itâ gator laughed as he walked into the room, stopping in front of you as he looked at you âwowâ
You half smile before turning away to walk down the stairs towards the knocking door.
âHeyâ you smile as Taraâs eyes fall down your full body before coming back up. You laugh as she throws her arms around you pulling you into her.
âDamn, hold me back before I go at you againâ she whispers into your ear making you blush.
âhi gatorâ she smiles as she lets go of you.
âThanks fer havin herâ he walked towards you both, arm snaking around your waist before you step away rolling your eyes at Tara as she smirked.
âNo problem, she basically a baby sitterâ Tara teased as she looked at him.
âcome on doll, Tommys waiting for you!â
âWhere is he?â Dollie looked confused as she looked up at Tara.
âWaiting at home with his daddyâ she held onto Dollieâs hand using her spare arm to pull you back into a hug.
âMake him beg for itâ she whispered before kissing your cheek, moving towards gator pulling him into a hug âget your shit togetherâ she whispered into his ear before pulling away from him holding his eye contact. You watched as gators jaw tensed but he nodded.
âHave fun guysâ she smiled before letting Dollieâs hand go so she could say her goodbyes.
You placed a kiss to the top of her head and gator did the same, smiling as she left.
You close the door softly before turning back towards gator, his eyes making there way down your body this time.
âYa look..I donât have the wordsâ he stepped closer to you âlet me touch youâ his voice was low, like the words were hard to push out. âPlease.. itâs hard not toâ
You watch as he steps closer again, hands moving towards you before he stops himself. Having to physically hold himself back from touching you, half lided eyes as he looked at you.
âJus wanna feel yaâ he sighed, body pressed against yours ânot even.. like tha.. just wanna feel yer skinâ you stepped back creating some space between you both âI love ya, prettyâ
âWe have to goâ
You turned away from him leaving him stood in the house as you made your way to the car, skin burning as you remembered the last time you were at this stupid car door.
Hands shaking as you open the door to climb inside, heart racing.
The drive was mostly silent, gator tried to make small talk with you but you drowned the sound of his voice out with the radio.
The drive took longer than you expected, you werenât in a town you recognised anymore when gator parked the car.
âThought we could get away, somewhere freshâ he shrugged as he looked at you noticing the confusion on your face âwanna start againâ
âFor the third time?â You scoff as you get out of the car, heâd brought you to a bar. It was a fancy one but the way you were both feeling mixed with alcohol? Disaster.
âIâm tryin, prettyâ
âTry harderâ you pushed through the doors of the bar, it was beautiful, modern nothing like the ones where you lived.
Gator walked in behind you, guiding you towards the chairs. You sit down staring at him, waiting to hear the reason heâd bought you here. It couldnât just be because he wanted to, how long youâd lived together and heâd never taken you out once.
âWanna get to know ya, properlyâ
You looked at him, maybe he was trying. No, this was gator.
âWhat do you want to know?â
âI dunnoâ he laughed âwhat ya wanna tell me?â
âMy dream was always to be a teacher, the best teacher. One kids loved and got excited to go to school to see. Making there days better, giving them my allâ you exhaled âI wanted to meet the perfect man, one that loved everything about me. I wanted to get married, just a small private wedding.â You rest your head against your hand holding gators eye contact âI wanted two children, a boy and a girlâ
âYa still can, all of itâ You shake your head as you look at him, eyes moving down to the table now. âYa can have whatever ya wantâ
Gators heart ached, he could give you all of that if youâd let him.
âWhat was your dreams?â
âTo surviveâ he scoffed as he looked at you âkeep my baby safe, anythin else was a.. bonusâ he shrugged looking away. âIâll get us some drinksâ
You pulled out your phone to check on Dollie while he was gone.
You: she okay?
TARA: sheâs fine, playing with Tommy of course. Howâs it going?
You: awkward.
TARA: men.
Gator placed your drink down in front of you, you slide your phone back into your bag.
âIs that him?â Gator gestures down towards your bag noticing you putting the phone away.
You shake your head as you look at him, youâd need to tell him that there was no man at some point. That youâd stupidly agreed to let your best friend do it to make him jealous.
âTaraâ
âDoll okay?â
âFineâ
Gator nods as he looks at you.
âTell me how ya know herâ
You sigh as you look at him, he smiled softly at you before bringing the beer up to his lips.
âWe went to school together, always been best friends. She knows everything about me, I know everything about herâ you laugh âliterally everythingâ
Gators heart flutters at the sound of your laugh, a genuine one for once.
âSo ya filled her in on me?â
âOf course. Good, bad, uglyâ you smirk.
Gator runs his hand over his face as he groans.
âSâlot of that, bet she hates meâ
âI told her the good tooâ you sigh looking down at your drink.
âBet that didnât take longâ
âIt was the quickest partâ you laugh.
âYer so pretty when ya laughâ you take a sip of your drink, the alcohol leaves a bad reminder in your mouth of last night.
âMake me laugh more thenâ
âIâm fuckin tryinâ gator laughed as he looked at you, making you smile. âI wanna give ya everythin ya said ya wanted yâknow?â
âDo you think you can?â
Gator looked at you, he had no doubt he could. Fuck heâd get you your old job back by tomorrow if thatâs what you wanted him to do.
âI know I can, if yaâd let meâ
You didnât doubt him, not really.
You finish your drink pushing your glass towards him, silently letting him know you wanted another.
Gator raised his eyebrows as he looked at you.
âGonna say please?â
âNoâ
Gator smirked at you before making his way back towards the bar, returning with three drinks for you this time.
Good boy.
âYou trying to get me tipsy so you can have your way with me Tillman?â You scoff as you bring one of the drinks up to your lips.
âNahâ he laughs âdonât want none of thaâ
You canât help the smile that spreads across your face.
âOh pleaseâ you laugh.
âI mean I do.. but I jus wanna hear you say it againâ
Your brows furrow as you look at him.
âSay what?â
âThat ya love meâ You sigh as you look at him, knocking back the rest of your drink before starting on the next one. âDid ya mean it? Or was ya tryin to stop me leavin?â
âDoes it matter?â
âMatters ta meâ gator let his finger drag down yours as you hold onto the glass âSâlonely when no one loves yaâ
You bring your glass up to your mouth as you look at him, maybe when the anger leaves your body youâd be able to tell him how you felt. You just hoped one day it would leave.
âWe should goâ
âI ainât finished yetâ
âI donât want to hear itâ
Gator smirks as he holds his half empty glass up towards you.
âYa ainât gonna, jus wanna finish thisâ
You roll your eyes at him, leaning back in your chair as you watch him. Painfully slowly drinking his beer, like heâs trying to drag it out.
âI wanna get married tooâ he puts the glass down on the table âI mean wouldnât be much of a weddin, got no one to fuckin inviteâ he laughs, looking a lot lighter.
âIâd comeâ
âIâd fuckin hope soâ he laughed âhope yer the one standin in front of meâ
Gator looks at you, the blank expression on your face going straight to his heart.
âWould ya want that?â He asks softly.
âWhat I want, is you to stop asking me thingsâ
âJus wanna know how ya feelâ
âHow about, show me how you feel about me and Iâll show you how I feel about you?â you push up from the table, unsteady on your feet.
âCarefulâ
You sit back down in your seat accepting defeat, way too tipsy to storm off from him.
You couldnât help but feel sorry for him, you wanted to break the walls down around him. You wanted to know everything, all of the scary things that keep those walls up firmly in place.
âWhat was it like.. with doll when you first had her?â You asked softly.
âFucking hardâ gator let out a breathy laugh âdid it all on my ownâ
âAll of it?â
Gator nods as he grins at you. Your heart melts a little.
âEvery little thing, every night feed, every change, bathâ
âWas it hard?â
âYeahâ gator rubs his hand across his face as he sighs âbut someone had ta do itâ
You half smile at him from across the table.
âIâd do it all again though, best thing ta ever happenâ
âWho named her?â
âMeâ
You smile, such a sweet girly name for a hard man to have chosen.
âWhy Dollie?â
âDunno, remember looking down at how tiny she was and thinking she looked like a doll, was probably sleep deprivedâ
âIt suits herâ
Gator smiles at you, you return it briefly before looking down at the drink in your hand.
âYeah?â
âMhmmâ
âHelp me upâ
âOh I can touch ya now?â He laughs as he looks at you, you smile back at him as he gets up walking over to you. The smell of his aftershave not helping with how sick you currently feel. âCome on, Lightweightâ he loops his arm round your waist lifting you up as you loop your arm around his neck.
âYou safe to drive?â
âCourseâ gator scoffed as he kicks the door open so you can both pass through.
âYouâre not gonna try to kill me? Again?â you laugh as he tutts at you.
~
âWhat times doll comin home?â Gator asks as he drops down onto the sofa, arm flung the back of it.
âTara said she can stay overâ
Gator sighs as he looks at you, never in six years has he not put her to bed. Never not had to read a bedtime story.
Maybe the change would be good for him, the last six years being in dad mode had changed him. Maybe he needed to relax a little, just be Gator.
âThatâs okay?â You ask noticing the way heâd tensed up since you told him.
âYeah..jus never been without herâ
You sit down on the sofa next to him, eyes settling over his sad expression.
âYou can tuck me in if it helpsâ you tease making him laugh.
âYâknow I love yaâ gators hand rests against your cheek softly as he looks into your eyes âdonât yaâ
âYour love bombing meâ you smirk.
âBein honestâ he scoffs âainât gettin me nowhere thoughâ
âWhere do you want it to get you? Back in my pants?â
âJust back would be a startâ he sighs.
âIâm gonna go to bedâ you say as you stretch your arms above your head, exhaustion washing over you âthanks for tonight, was nice to get to know youâ
Gator looked at you, you were right. All this time sharing the same house and neither of you had opened up to each other.
Things still hidden deeply that you donât know about each other.
There was still so much he wanted to ask you, wanted to know about you but heâd wait.
âLet me walk ya homeâ he teased as he scooped you up out of your seat, big arms wrapped around you as he walked you up to your room.
Dropping you gently onto your bed, chest tightening as you looked up at him.
âGoodnight, gatorâ
âNight, prettyâ gator leans down placing a single kiss to your cheek before turning and leaving.
Sorry guys I had to proof read this one while my three year old talked my ears off, so apologies if there is still mistakes x
summary: go through an all consuming situationship between you & âkingâ steve harrington. youâve always had a crush on steve, and finally get a piece of him, but steve wont commit to you. his pride and ego as âking steveâ will always matter most to him.
c/w: porn with a plot 18+, possessiveness, king steve persona, jealousy, insecurity, dom!steve, shy!reader, dirty talk, degradation, miscommunication, toxic relationship, angst and fluff, arguing, manipulation, steve wont commit.
ౚâà§ inspired by august by taylor swift ౚâà§
prologue - one of the girls
chapter one - in case youâd call
chapter two - twisted in bedsheets
chapter three - beneath the sun
chapter four - so much for summer love
chapter five - i remember thinking i had you
chapter six - for the hope of it all
a/n: i am soo excited about this! ive gotten a few requests for a part two of my fic âone of the girlsâ and decided to make it into a series! ill be updating it here as i go, youâll be able to find this post on my masterlist. if youâd like to be tagged as i post, comment here! you can expect the first chapter within the next two weeks. thank you sm <3
Filler chapter guys to pull everything together, I couldnât pull Roy in & then just ignore it. So this part just fills in the gaps and sets the tone going forward so I wonât be offended if you donât read or donât find it great. Also, itâs quite long& this is the toned down version. Love u X
Violence, mention of blood, bad language, Gator really does leave, poor miss.
âGator?â If you thought you felt sick then, it was nothing compared to what you felt right now.
âMâsorryâ
You looked behind him, Dollie fast asleep in the back of the car as the tears started to fall down your cheeks.
Gator watched as you tried to piece together in your mind what the fuck was going on.
âWhy? Why are you leaving?â
âDonât matterâ
âOf course it matters! Fuck, it mattersâ you angrily wipe the tears away from your eyes âwhy are you taking her?â
âGotta keep her safeâ gator exhales as he looks at you, the anger building in your body.
âSafe from what? What about me? I thought we were a family!â
Gator shakes his head as he looks at you, you scoff as you step back.
âCan I say bye to her?â
Gator nods, stepping to the side so you can pass him.
Your legs feel heavy as you walk towards the car, breath caught in your throat as you see her through the window.
Oh god what had you done to deserve this, you felt numb but also felt everything at the same time.
You fumble with the handle to open it, nothing feels like itâs working anymore.
Or maybe your body was just trying to slow you down, slow them down.
This canât be real, canât be happening.
âOh Dollie girlâ you whisper as the tears fall down your cheeks, you wrap the blanket around her gently. Getting one last look at the little girl you loved, not knowing if youâd ever see her again. âI love youâ you placed a kiss to the top of her head careful not to wake her before closing the door again carefully.
âWhy are you doing this?â You cry as you turn towards gator, heart breaking as everything you love is ripped away from you.
âJus trust meâ
âTrust you?â You push into his chest âyou said you loved me! You let me love your daughter!â
âOur daughterâ that cut like a knife.
You couldnât believe what you were hearing, our daughter? Then why was he taking her away from you. Why were you being left here alone? What was he running from?
âYou canât do this!â sobs falling freely from you as you look at his blank expression âplease donât take herâŠgator pleaseâ your hand rests against his cheek softly as your eyes plead with him.
Gator didnât answer, he turned walking towards his car door trying his best to block out the sounds of your sobs.
He wanted to take you, god he didnât want to break the family up but he was scared youâd slip up. He couldnât risk that, couldnât risk anything going wrong. He needed to protect Dollie.
âPlease, donât goâ you grabbed at gators arm using all of your strength, trying to pull him away from the door.
Gator pulled his arm away, pulling open the car door as he climbed inside.
âNo, no, noâ you held onto the car door âplease we can talk this through, whatever it is I can fix it I promiseâ
âIâve gotta goâ
You lean into the seat where heâs sitting hands on his face to make him look at you.
âPlease donât go, I love youâ you sob âboth of youâ
Nothing.
You look behind Dollie, her eyes wild as she looked at you. Youâd clearly woke her up, guilt flooded you as you looked back at her.
âMama?â
Your stomach turned, you pulled away from gator to walk towards her door.
âBaby, itâs okaâŠâ
Gators car door slammed making you jump as you reached Dollieâs, locking the doors before he started the engine.
~
Six weeks.
Six weeks since theyâd left, the worst part of it all being that theyâd left for what?
Nothing had happened at the house, no one visited, no more cards, no sign of gators dad.
You couldnât eat, couldnât sleep, couldnât do anything.
You waited, hoped theyâd come home. That it was all some sick joke.
Gators phone was disconnected, youâd tried it every day since heâd left in hopes just once heâd pick up.
Let you know Dollie was okay, she was safe.
What youâd do to hear that little voice one last time.
You kept everything going at the house, you changed the beds twice a week still so theyâd be fresh if they ever came home, you washed the clothes that were already fresh so they still smelt clean.
You packed Dollie a lunchbox every week day on the off chance she came home, so she was ready for school the next morning.
You cleaned star out, brushed her, fed her, kept her topped up with treats just like Dollie did.
You did everything, just like you always did but the house stayed silent and you stayed sick.
It never got better, the sickness was clearly caused by stress. Of course it was, thatâs all youâd known since meeting gator.
But god youâd do it all again to have him back.
Even putting your shoes on hurt your body at this point, too sad to eat and too sick to keep it down when you did.
Youâd never known heartbreak like it.
~
âCan we go home yet daddy?â Dollie asked as her big eyes looked up at him.
âSoon Dollie girlâ he kissed the top of her head gently âpromiseâ
âWill mama be at home?â
Gator exhaled as he looked away from her, the shitty hotel they were in was driving her crazy. Only so many times she could play with the same four horse figures.
âDaddy can we call mama?â Dollie started jumping on the spot infront of gator âpleasepleasepleaseâ
âDoll!â Gator snapped, stress of the whole situation being too much for him âshit, fuck, Mâsorry babyâ he pulled her into his chest wrapping his arms around her tightly âjus give daddy a bit more time, mâfixin itâ
He was trying but truthfully gator didnât know how it would end. He couldnât tell Dollie theyâd be home soon because honestly he didnât know they would.
He just hoped you were okay, that his dad hadnât gotten to you before the police got to him.
Thoughts raced through his mind constantly, were you safe? He should have never left you. He promised youâd be safe.
What if the police didnât take him seriously? What if they werenât going to do anything about it?
Roy had everyone wrapped around his fingers, maybe theyâd tell him where him and Dollie were and heâd come and get them.
But he had to try, for Dollie.
He just hoped youâd forgive him.
~
You walked out of the store, bags full of things youâd leave to sit in the fridge to rot.
But seeing Dollieâs favourite snacks and gators beers in the fridge brought some sort of comfort to you.
âHey, youâ
Your heart stopped, youâd had no contact with anyone for weeks now. But you knew it wasnât him.
âBlake, heyâ you smiled softly, skin crawling under his gaze.
âLet me help youâ Blake grabbed the bags from your hands, you smiled as you continued to walk.
âThank youâ
You didnât want the help, you wanted to be left alone.
âNo problem! So howâs the kid? What was her name again? Dotty?â
Your breath caught in your throat, chill running through you.
âDollie..â
âDollie! Thatâs it! Howâs she doing?â
âNo ideaâ you scoff as you look down at the floor, getting closer to the house. You can escape.
âDamn, messy break up?â
âSomething like thatâ you exhale as you stand still looking at him. He was attractive, you were single and wanted to feel something, anything âwanna come inside?â
Blake smiles as he looks at you.
âThought youâd never askâ
You walk into the house, Blake grinning as he follows behind you.
âNice placeâ
âAinât mine.. itâsâ
âOh that dick from the cafe with the strange ass nameâ Blake scoffs behind you as you start emptying the bags into the fridge âwhat is it with that family and weird ass namesâ
âGoodâ Blake steps towards you, hand grazing your cheek.
You want to pull away, tell him he repulsed you. But everyone who wasnât gator did.
But you needed to feel something, to know you werenât truly broken. So you let his hand linger on your face for a moment.
âYouâre so beautiful, you knowâ he spoke softly, hand moving lower on your face until his fingers brushed against your lips.
You closed your eyes, oh god this felt so wrong.
His fingers moved from your lip, down your jaw to your neck.
Your body shuddered under his touch, repulsed completely.
âOh you like thatâ
Stupid, stupid man.
âI donât..â
âW-what?â Blake looked genuinely shocked, he really thought you liked having his finger pressed into your skin.
âIâm sorry, you need to leaveâ the lump appears in your throat again as guilt washes over you. Was this cheating? Were you cheating on him?
Were you still together? Was you even together to begin with?
You walked towards the door swinging it open, watching as Blake walked through it.
He turned towards you once outside, smile on his face.
âCall me when youâre over himâ
You slam the door in his face.
Still broken.
~
âAnd thatâs how mama became your..mamaâ gator furrowed his brows at his own words, it was hard to explain what a step mama was to a six year old but he was trying his best.
âCan we call her yet daddy?â
âNo, babyâ
Dollieâs bottom lip started to tremble as he looked at her, fuck he wanted to call you too. He hated himself for how he left things, leaving you like a bag of rubbish on his driveway.
He didnât even tell you he loved you back, the first time youâd ever said it to him was when he was leaving you.
He still heard your sobs when he tried to sleep at night, the way you held onto him and begged him not to go. Fuck, what if you never forgave him? He wouldnât blame you.
âI miss star, daddyâ
Gators head was buzzing, he knew it wasnât her fault but all heâd heard for the last six weeks was everything she missed. Sheâd understand one day that he did it for her, but right now she just had to trust he was going the right thing.
Gators burner phone started to ring, making him jump off the bed knocking Dollieâs horses off onto the floor.
âSilly daddyâ she sighed as she picked them back up, gator grabbed the phone quickly answering.
Gator listened as they reeled off information, trying his best to take it all in.
âWe will be making contact tonight, weâll update you when we know the next steps. Stay where you are and donât make contact with anyoneâ
Gator sighed as he hung up the phone, he wanted to be happy. Tell Dollie the nightmare was almost over, but he knew he couldnât. Not yet.
~
You raced to the door heart hammering in your chest as it knocked for a second time.
No one had been to the house since theyâd left, it had to be them.
You swung the door open, fear setting in your chest instead.
The sheriff stood in front of you, hands on his hips.
âA-are they okay? Is this about Gator? Dollie?â Thoughts raced through your mind. Were they dead? Had the police just found them?
You stared at him, waiting for an answer as your hands start to shake.
âCan I come in?â
You quickly open the door wider, stepping aside as he walked into the house. Youâd thought youâd ran out of tears but here they were once again running down your cheeks, your body riddled with fear as you followed him towards the sofa waiting for the explanation.
âNice house little ladyâ
âA-are they dead?â
âWas hopin ya could help me with that, where are they?â You stared at him, confusion washing over your features âwhereâs my son?â
Your stomach turned as you looked at him, nothing like gator. No big dark eyes, no soft features, no warm smile.
Just a cold man sitting in front of you.
âI- I donât..â
âDonât wanna have to hurt yaâ he laughed, startling you a little âbut I need to know where they areâ
You couldnât find the words, no matter how much you searched for them you just couldnât find them.
You pushed the palms of your hand into the sofa to stand up, eyes moving around the room for something you could grab to protect yourself if you needed to.
All you knew about him was rumours that had spread around town, never anything good.
God you wished gator had gave you a heads up on what you could be dealing with.
âSitâ his voice was cold as he walked towards you, big hand gripping your chin so you looked up at him âthat son of mineâ he tutted âran away with my money, I gave him time to come back and make it right but he chose this way insteadâ
Royâs grip tightened on your face as you sobbed.
âIâm just the nannyâ you whispered through sobs.
Roy laughed as he looked down at you.
âYou hold some value thenâ
Oh god, you were about to die.
Here, alone and no one would know about it.
âWhere is he?â
âI donât..â
Slap.
Your face turned to the side with the impact, your mind buzzed with thoughts about Dollie, about Gator, how youâd rather it was you in this situation than either of them.
Royâs hand settled in your hair at the back of your head, holding you in place tightly.
âDidnât enjoy that little ladyâ he smirked down at you âso Iâll ask you again, whereâs gator?â
You tried to shake your head but his grip was too firm, you closed your eyes waiting for the next one to land.
And it did.
It felt harder this time, maybe it was because he held you in place or maybe it was because it wasnât a slap this time.
You felt the warmth trickling down your face, blood. Your body tensed up as you opened your eyes to look at him.
âYer a tough lil thingâ Roy scoffed âspose ya have to be to be with a Tillmanâ
Fuck, right now you hated that name. Your life was so easy before you let him into your life, but why did you still want him to come home?
Why was your heart hoping heâd come through the door right now and fix this? Heâd never fixed anything.
It was always you doing the fixing, trying to keep everyone happy and healthy.
âHeâs been keepin ya in line, ya donât even bite backâ
Oh if only he knew the real gator, the soft gator that you knew.
The gator that would never dream of laying a finger on you, but somehow leaving you in this situation felt worse than if he would have hit you.
Roy held onto your hair as he dragged you towards the front door, you tried your best to grab onto anything you could as you passed it.
But it was no use, your vision was slowly going in and out of focus. Probably from all over the hits youâd taken, hits youâd taken for Gator.
You didnât even fight him as he bundled you into the back of his truck, just laying back closing your eyes accepting everything that was coming your way.
You werenât making it out of this, you werenât sure if you even wanted to anymore.
Your eyes flicked open at the sound of the door shutting behind you, you watched as he walked around to the drivers side.
Please gator, thereâs still time.
You watched as he climbed into the seat, head turning back towards you to make sure you were still there.
âGood girlâ he smirked.
~
Gator paced around the hotel room, Dollie played with her horses once again.
A routine theyâd quickly fell into.
How would he ever make this right with you? Was it easier to just cut you off completely when he got back?
Youâd have even more questions now, youâd never trust him.
Gator felt sick as everything filled his mind all at once, the thought of you alone.
What if you werenât alone? You could have moved on by now.
You could have forgotten about him and Dollie.
The thought made his skin crawl, he rubbed his hand over his face trying to shake the uneasy feeling.
âDaddy?â Gator looked down at Dollie, knowing exactly what she was about to ask.
âNot now dollâ
Dollie nodded as she turned back towards the horses on the floor, gators heart breaking a little at the sight.
Why did he run? He could have just stayed and protected the both of you.
~
You lay back against the seats, falling in and out of consciousness as Roy talked on the phone. You still hadnât left yet, from what you could see from the window you were still in the exact same place.
You didnât feel scared anymore, it was almost peaceful as you lay down. The light of the sun that was so rare this time of year warming your skin as it peeked through the window.
Maybe you felt peaceful because it couldnât get any worse than it already was, you knew what your outcome was.
Royâs hands slapped down against the wheel making you jump, fear back in your chest as you look in his direction.
Your heart started to race in your chest as you watched him climb out of the car, eyes following him as he approached your door.
âRoll overâ he spoke with urgency this time, you shook your head as he looked at you.
âRoll onto your front now! Hands behind your back!â He shouted as you started to sob again, your body ached as you rolled onto your front.
Fear washing over you as you waited for him to do whatever he had planned for you.
You felt the rope tightening against the skin of your wrists, painful but better than what you were expecting him to do.
âI gotta sort somethin at the ranchâ he spoke quietly as he pulled you out of the car by your feet, letting you drop onto the cold ground âyer gonna wait where I leave ya an Iâll be backâ
You couldnât help the smile that spread across your face in your daze, these Tillman men and running away.
You look down as Roy starts tying rope around your ankles, you consider kicking him.
Whatâs the point? It would only end in another beating you wouldnât be able to take.
Roy dragged you by the rope around your feet across the floor before kicking open the door to stars stable, pulling you inside before closing the door.
âYer gonna stay hereâ Roy grabbed at your face as his eyes burned into your skin âfew hours, Iâll be back. Donât try anythin stupidâ
You watch as he leaves before turning your head towards star who was looking down at you, waiting for her feed.
âIâm sorry, girlâ you whispered before closing your eyes.
~
Hours had passed and gator was growing impatient, almost seven weeks the whole process had taken.
Endless interviews, confessions he never thought heâd make, trying to remember where evidence was hidden at the ranch to point them in the right direction.
Knowing that after all of this he could also end up in prison right with his dad, but it was a risk he was willing to take to keep Dollie safe from this man.
But if everything was pulled off correctly and they got what they wanted heâd be free of his dad forever, Dollie would always be safe.
Heâd get to come back home, back to you.
His phone was already in his hands when it started to ring, where it spent most of its time as he waited to know his outcome.
Gator pressed the phone to his ear, listening to all of the information they were spilling at him. Taking in the bits that mattered once again.
âDaddy? Can we..â
Gator scooped Dollie up in his arms, pressing kisses all across her face âwe can call mamaâ
~
The cold air coming through the gaps in the wood made your body tense up, youâd been lay in the same spot for hours now.
Awaiting Royâs arrival to finish the job off he started, but it didnât seem to be coming.
You wriggled yourself across the floor towards the wall where the hook that held the dustpan was, no one was coming to save you. So you had to save yourself.
You gasped as you pulled your legs into the air, stomach muscles feeling extra tender as you lifted them towards the hook.
You looped the rope around your ankles onto the hook as you start moving your legs to try and free them, the friction of the rope burning at your skin.
âFuck, cmonâ you cried as you bent your knees to add pressure to the rope, tears running down your cheeks as you watch the rope start to fray.
Cheap ass rope, of course.
The rope snapped, your legs landing on the floor with a crash.
âYesâ you whisper moving into a sitting up position before moving onto your knees, you look up above you at star who was still patiently waiting. âWeâve got this girlâ you smile up at her as you try to stand on your wobbly legs.
Once on your legs you turn your back to the wall, hooking the rope on your wrists to the hook before starting the whole process again.
You looked down at your now free wrists, the rope burn covering them only made you feel angry that youâd sat back and let this happen to you.
âFuck these menâ you say with a breathy laugh as you reach your hand out to star scratching just above her nose âdonât ever get a boyfriend, girlâ you sigh as you walk over to her bag of feed.
You feed star before walking out of the stables, locking the door behind you.
No cars in the drive, no cars anywhere near that you can hear.
Silence, just the moonlight shining down on you as you make your way back towards the house.
Perfectly clean as you left it, like nothing had ever happened.
Like the horrors of today didnât exist. Just how you liked it.
You walked up the stairs stopping in the mirror at the top to take in your reflection, something you hadnât done in a long time.
You look at the rope burns on your skin, the bruise under your eye, the dry blood around your mouth,nose and chin. The way your bones show more than they used to, the dark purple bags that were now only visable under one eye thanks to your new bruise.
Heâd ruined you, loving Gator had completely stripped you of yourself.
But you still ached for him.
You crouched down in front of the toilet ready to start what had become a regular routine for you now, throwing up everything youâd ate throughout the day before your body finally let you rest.
You didnât make your way to his bed tonight, you walked to your room. Climbing into the single bed before closing your eyes ready to let go of today.
Im sorry guys, I know this was probably boring & not fun to read but I couldnât just skip over this part once introducing it. I hope you understand & hope youâll continue to read. (Gator & Dollie are coming home)
You're new to town. It's only supposed to be temporary. A handsome Deputy catches your eye, then seemingly ruins his chances as soon as he opens his mouth.
Part I
Getting pulled over by one of Stark County's finest turns into anything but a routine traffic stop.
Part II
A routine check at your bar goes sour. It may not be his fault, but you can certainly take out all of your frustrations on your boyfriend.
Part III - Crosses to Bear
The happiness and bliss you've had finally comes crashing down. You never thought being with Gator would have such dire consequences.
Part IV - Ensnared
When it all becomes too much, you're ready to leave Lehigh behind but Gator has other plans in mind.
Part V - Sins of the Father
It all comes to a head with Roy. Will Gator let the sins off his past dictate his future or will he be the better man that he knows you deserve?
Part VI - Silver Linings
Home was never a place, until it was with you. Happily Ever After.
Blurbs:
Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater
Gator would do anything to cheer you up. All treats, no tricks for his girl.
Will you be mine?
Valentine's Day is one of your favorite holidays! You're a little bratty when you think things aren't going your way. Gator takes matters into his own hands.
Bruises and Borrowed Kisses
Gator gets hurt which leads to confessions from the both of you.
A Very Merry Christmas
You give Gator a few unexpected gifts for Christmas!
SUMMARY in which your now ex boyfriend cheats on you with his so called 'work wife.' your solution? getting back at him with his new girlfriend's newly dumped ex, steve harrington. you'll get your revenge for sure.
WARNINGS 18+ MDNI cheating, teamed up revenge dating, fake dating, toxic exes, rom com, rightfully petty reader w/ attitude, angst, fluff, smut every chapter youâre warned lol, steve and reader are both idiots who eventually fall in love, adult language, smoking/drinking, inspired by olivia rodrigoâs âget him backâ
WORD COUNT ?
CHAPTER ONE 18+
CHAPTER TWO 18+
CHAPTER THREE 18+
AUTHORS NOTE: hello! this will be a small mini series, i am still very much focusing on 'i'm your man.' it's just good for me to have several projects to go back and forth on whether it's series or one shots, so that way i'm not forcing myself to write something i'm not in the mood for.
Gator Tillman x OC!fem!reader đ€
A slow burn childhood friends to lovers romance â fueled by angst, dark comedy, unhinged thrill-packed action and heavy smut with even heavier plot. Inspired by and based on Fargo, gone total teenage dirtbags into trauma strong icons. 18+
Gator Tillman is sin, Quinn Mercer is the altar... and they never pray for forgiveness. She's been his ever since they were kids. He doesn't believe in fate, or any of that shit.
But he'd bleed out before letting anyone else have her.
SUMMARY: Turns out? Bonnie and Clyde were born in Fargo, North Dakota.
They were born into rot. Her in old money, him in old crime. Childhood tied them together; circumstance kept the knot tight. Mercerâs been in love with him since she was four years old. Gatorâs spent his whole life pretending he didnât notice.
From the dusty backroads of their small town to the suffocating halls of their fathersâ empires, they grow up side by side. Through schoolyard scraps, midnight escapes, blood money, seedy secrets, and the kind of grief you just canât talk about. They learn early that loyalty is currency, that bloodlines are a death sentence, and that in a place like this, you only survive if youâve got someone whoâll take the fall with you.
By their teens, theyâve perfected the art of getting under each otherâs skin. Rivals, allies, nuisances. Too tangled to walk away, too proud to admit theyâd never want to. In their twenties, it gets worse: the stakes are higher, the knives are sharper, and the things they want from each other are far more dangerous than they used to be.
She fell first. He fell harder. And neither of them will get out clean.
Maybe not even alive.
⥠AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is undoubtedly my grittiest work yet. It's also my favorite series I've ever written.
Honestly, this one has a mind of its own. I wrote "MERCY" shamelessly, and turned every single wish I had for a fanfic into my own. I took Gator Tillman's character, and literally said, "let's make him far more tragic, far more edgy, and far more antagonist-worthy endgame bad boy."
I wanted a good girl who is pure but jaded. I wanted a bad boy who has the most fragile heart in the world. I wanted Bonnie and Clyde who survive the burn, and get the most unexpectedly happy ending that neither one of them were ever meant to have. I wanted to put the fucking underbelly of politics and elite society under an embellished microscope that still touches on really terrifying fucking truth. I wanted blood that's met with love. I wanted angst in a way that makes bone aches, so that the comfort can be more tender than anything. I wanted to turn "hurt/comfort" into something badass. I wanted plot-driven-smut that makes you wanna scream into a pillow for nights on end.
I wanted to make you all fall in love with Gator Tillman the same way I did, in the darkest corners of my wildest imagination.
âYouâre really not gonna fight back?â he asked after a moment, voice rougher now, like he didnât like how easily she'd just let it go. âYouâre really just gonna stand there and let me say whatever the fuck I want?â
The words had landed on Mercer's back while she slowly walked away. She inhaled quietly, turning to look at him now. Her lips parted slightly, but no countered words came. Because resignation flooded her numbed senses.Â
Mercer was done.
âIâm tired of this back-and-forth, Gator.â
A muscle in his jaw visibly twitched. His hands curled into fists at his sides. He looked frustrated. Restless. Like he wanted to say something, or wanted to push her into doing something. Anything.Â
Because pulling away meant that she'd really given up.
But instead, he just scoffed, turning sharply on his heel. âYeah, well,â he muttered, not looking back, âyouâve been tired of me for years, havenât you?â
And just like that, he was gone.
BOOK ONE âą
early childhood -> elementary school -> middle school
⥠1) Blood Red Capri Sun
⥠2) Dogs With Goddamn Matches
⥠3) Bonnie + Clyde
⥠4) Circumstantial Circles
⥠5) A Storm Named Lilah
⥠6) The Gift
⥠7) Court Jester With a Truck
⥠8) Junebug
⥠9) Still in Town
⥠10) The Shift
⥠11) Happy Motherf*ckin' Birthday, Andrew Clarence Jenkins.
⥠12) Sweet Escape
⥠13) Unspoken Rule
⥠14) House of Cards
⥠15) Backfiring!
⥠16) A Privileged Invitation
⥠17) The Ballerina, Her Guardian & the Vultures
⥠18) The Road to New York
⥠19) Arrival
⥠20) âŠLouise Would.
⥠21) Residency
⥠22) Lost in Transit: The Legend of Ted
⥠23) Truth Never Lived in the Words
⥠24) This City Spits Back
⥠25) Off the Record
⥠26) Talk to the Tillman
⥠27) Ainât That the Pointe?
⥠26) Getaway Plans
(-> scrapped chapters moved to later in the book series.
ignore the cryptic inclusion vs. me just deleting ily thx)
⥠1) Sixteen Candles
⥠2) The Outlaw, His Princess and Their Jester
⥠3) First Impressions, Unlikely Bonds
⥠4) The Hallway Gauntlet
⥠5) Torque and Tension
⥠6) Roy Tillman Loves Jesus
⥠7) The Schulte Boy
⥠8) The Fraternal Twins
⥠9) Gut is God
⥠10) Ainât That the Pointe?
⥠11) Sugar, Pumpkin Spice and Gator? Be Nice.
⥠12) The Hunt
⥠13) Coyote Ugly
⥠14) Skin and Bone
⥠15) The Photo in the Hallway
⥠16) Sheâs Royâs Problem
⥠17) Thanksgiving at the Tillmans
⥠18) Till Kingdom Come, We Feast on Revelations
⥠19) Growing Pains
⥠20) A Little Princess in Fargo (1/2)
-> chapter continued (2/2)
⥠21) After Curtain Call
⥠22) Daddyâs Little Girl
⥠23) A Madison Family Christmas
⥠24) Merry at the Madison's
⥠25) Goodnight from D.C.
⥠26) Windchill Touchdown
⥠27) Sin City Sweethearts
⥠28) The Resolutions Club
⥠29) Second Timeâs a Charm!
⥠30) Roadside Rocky Road
Gator isnât happy about you meeting with another dad from school, miss plays his game to make him jealous, Dollie throws a sickie from school but it works in gators favour. (Thank you anon for the ideađ«¶đ»)
Jealous gator, soft gator, smut 18+
âSit still Dollie girlâ gator sighed as Dollie pouted on his lap, hands moving to knock the brush from his hands âpick ya bowâ
Gator quickly pulled the brush through her hair one last time before Dollie handed him the bow sheâd picked out, a pretty pink one with ladybugs dotted over it.
âThereâ he smiled as he slid the bow into the pile of curls.
âIs it pretty daddy?â
âSo pretty babyâ gator smiled, kissing the top of her head before she climbed off.
Dollie stood in front of him hands on her hips as he smiled at her, her little cowboy boots could melt his heart.
âCome on daddy!â Oh, she was having a sassy day today apparently.
âSorry, yer jus too cuteâ gator laughed as he ruffled his hands through the hair heâd just spent ten minutes perfecting âgo get ya bagâ
Dollie huffed, little hands trying to smooth her hair back into place before running upstairs to get her bag.
âGood morningâ you smiled as you walked into the room, gators eyes met yours instantly.
âMornin, whatâs all this ferâ he gestured over to you.
âOh, one of the parents might know of a job going in another schoolâ you smiled as you turned to the mirror swiping a clear lipgloss across your lips âtheyâre gonna help meâ
âWhatâs her name?â
You turned back towards him, innocent smile pressed to your lips.
âHIS name is Blakeâ you watch as gators jaw tenses, his eyes darkening âweâre gonna grab coffee and heâs gonna help me fill in the applicationâ
Gators stomach was doing flips, he canât remember ever seeing you wear makeup before.
You looked unreal, beautiful. But it wasnât for him, it was for another man.
âI can take ya fer coffee an help yaâ
âHmm, itâs okayâ you walked towards him to grab your bag âitâs already planned, heâs probably already on his wayâ you crouched down next to gator to pick the bag up, the smell of your perfume doing something to him that he wouldnât like to admit.
âWell let me drop yaâ gator wanted to get a better look at him, his competition âsaves ya drivinâ
Gator wondered if it was the dad you were always talking to at the door or if there way another dad, did all of the dads want you?
âGator, itâs fineâ you laugh as you stand back up pulling the bag up your arm over your shoulder âIâll see you after work?â
âY-yeahâ
You smile softly at him before walking to the stairs.
âHave a good day, sweet girlâ you called up to Dollie before turning and leaving.
Gator sat for a minute in silence, jealousy raging through his body. It was just coffee he tried to convince himself, gator loved coffee.
Maybe heâd pick one up on his way to work.
~
âCome on sassy pantsâ gator teased as he opened the car door for Dollie, she huffed as she climbed inside âwhatâs up today?â
âMy tummy hurtsâ Dollieâs bottom lip starts to tremble, big eyes filling with tears as gator sighs.
âYa feel poorly baby?â He places his hand against her stomach softly, panic rising in him rapidly but quickly shaking it away remembering the last time he raced her to the hospital and made a fool out of himself.
âMhmmmâ Dollie pouted, gator exhaled moving his hand to her head, she did feel warm.
âOkay, ya gotta come to the office with daddyâ
Dollieâs eyes light up at the idea, sheâd never been to the office with him before. It was something new, exciting.
âHey, how bout we go get a coffee on tha way?â
âCoffee is YACKâ Dollie exaggerated making gator laugh.
âWell ya can have a milkshake or somethinâ
âOkay, daddyâ
Gator kissed her head before buckling her in, moving to get into his seat now.
âWho knows, we might even see mamaâ
Dollie squealed in the backseat, hands clapping together as gator smirked.
~
Gator pulled up outside, he knew youâd be at this one. There wasnât many places to get coffee in this town, this was the nicer of them.
He saw your car, parking his own next to it.
âWell look at tha doll, mamas carâ gator smiled at her, she was grinning now.
Gator was starting to think she was fine, just wanted to stay home with daddy.
But this worked perfectly for his plan, to get in between whatever was going on between you and Blake.
Gator held onto Dollie hand as they walked towards the door, heâd already spotted you through the window.
You were sitting on the chair next to him, shoulders brushing, laughing at whatever bullshit he was telling you.
Your laptop on the table in between the both of you, one of his hands on it while yours rested next to it.
You looked way too cosy for gators liking, but he was about to break it up.
âMama!â Dollie squealed as she ran over to the table where you were sat, making you jump as she stood next to you grinning.
âDollie, wait, why arenât you at..â
âWell, look who it isâ gator smirked as he approached the table âsheâs got a sore tummy, wanted to see her mamaâ he tskd.
You could feel Blakeâs eyes burning into you as you looked between gator and Dollie, cheeks starting to blush.
âWhoâs this?â Blake laughed nervously his eyes shifting to gator who was in his work uniform, then down to Dollie.
âThis is gator, my friendâ you smiled turning back towards Blake âyou remember me telling you about losing my job, well this is whyâ you giggle pointing to gator.
âNice to meet you manâ Blake nodded towards gator.
Gator ignored him, eyes straight back on you.
âWell, ya gonna introduce her?â Gator gestured to Dollie, her hands moving to take the cookie from your plate.
Gator wanted to push you, to see if youâd told Blake about her.
âThis is Dollie, gators daughterâ you smile, pushing the cookie into Dollieâs hands.
âOur daughterâ gator replies, eyes burning into you.
You nod slowly, smile growing across gators lips as he turns his attention back towards Blake.
âJus thought weâd say hi, letâs go dollâ gator smirked as he held onto Dollieâs hand, walking back towards the till to order the milkshake heâd promised Dollie before quickly turning back to you âoh, could ya change the sheets when ya home? Ya made a bit of a mess last nightâ.
You wanted to disappear, you couldnât even look at Blake anymore.
But Blake quickly changed the conversation, noticing the blush against your cheeks as gator stared over at the table.
âYou want to work with little ones again?â
âMhmâ was all you could manage, your eyes on the cup in front of you.
âHey, donât shut me out nowâ Blake whispered wrapping his arm around your shoulder âthereâs some weird vibe around him manâ
You laughed as you rested your head against his shoulder, gator almost dropped his coffee as he watched you cosy up to him.
You waved bye to Dollie as she passed you, her tiny hand wrapped around her milkshake.
When you were sure theyâd left you turned to face Blake.
âShit, Iâm sorry heâs.. full onâ you half smile.
âYou didnât tell me you had a daughter, itâs cool I just thought youâd have mentioned itâ
You groan letting your head fall into your hands.
âSheâs not biologically mine, but sheâs mineâ you smile softly âand this is just coffee and helping a friend, right?â
Blake sighs as he looks at you, a soft smile spreading on his face.
âI mean, Iâd have liked to see where this could go? But if this is your way of friend zoning meâ he laughs âthatâs cool tooâ
âGoodâ you smile before turning your attention back to the laptop, loading up the application.
~
Gator sat in his office, Dollie on his lap drawing on the stick notes scattered across the desk.
Thank god it was an office day, he didnât have the capacity to work with people right now.
He wanted to get home, see you, make sure you hadnât forgotten about the little family you both shared.
âLook!â Dollie held up the post it note in front of gators face âstar!â
âThaâs the best fuckin horse Iâve ever seenâ gator smiled taking the picture from her hands, pinning it to the board next to his desk âlook good?â
âI love it!â Dollie beamed as she proudly looked at her artwork scattered across the board, her eyes flicking between the photos of family members sheâd never met and her. âDaddy, we should put a photo of mama on hereâ she pointed to the board.
âYa think so?â
âMhmmmâ Dollie dragged her finger down the photo of gator and his mama ânanaâ she smiled.
Gators heart was fluttering, she loved her so much even though sheâd never met her.
âYeah, nanaâ gator smiled, kissing the top of her head âshe gets ta see yer picture of star too nowâDollie squealed jumping down from gators lap, rubbing through the door to go and see jenny the receptionist.
Gator pulled out his phone to text you, he wanted to put himself in the way of whatever was going on between you and Blake, but he knew you wouldnât reply.
Youâd be too busy laughing at his bullshit jokes, drinking your fancy coffee that he no doubt paid for to woo you over.
Gator scoffed to himself at the thought, quickly humbling himself that he wasnât no better than Blake. At least Blake had got you a coffee, all gator had ever done for you was a cheap bouquet of flowers to say sorry.
He kept loading up your social media accounts to check if youâd been online, maybe even posted about your date but you hadnât.
That meant you were still out with him, giving him all of your attention.
~
The end of the day rolled around quickly, luckily for gator Dollie had spent most of the day out front with jenny on reception.
âReady?â Gator smiled down at her, shaking her head as she looked at him ânow, come on mamas waitingâ
Dollie smiled softly before walking round to gator, holding onto his hand.
âBye Jennyâ Dollie waved her hand at her as gator pulled her gently through the door.
âBye hunâ
âHowâs ya tummy?â
Dollie looked up at gator, eyes wild.
âHurtyâ
âTha right?â Gator mock gasped âya better get right in bed when weâre backâ
âBetter now!â Dollie grinned up at him, gator shook his head.
âWanna go get ice cream?â
Dollie squealed jumping up and down, gator laughed pulling open the car door for her.
âCan mama come?â
âIâll askâ
Dollie was full of good ideas today, he finished strapping her in before pulling out his phone.
âHey!â
âWanna meet us fer ice cream? Doll wants yaâ
âOh, Iâm just finishing up with Blakeâ
Still? It had been hours. Gators body was on fire, hand tightening on his phone.
âHow longs the fuckin applicationâ he scoffed as he climbed into his seat.
âHeâs helping me unload my things from the school into my roomâ you giggle.
Gators stomach flipped, he was in his house? In your room? Alone with you?
âI coulda helped yaâ gator bit down on his bottom lip, trying to keep his tone soft but it wasnât working âshall I come back? Incase he.. tries somethin?â
Gators cheeks burn as he hears you laugh, Blake laughing in the background somewhere. Was he in your bed?
âItâs fine, gatorâ you laugh âsee you laterâ
You hung up, gator stared down at his phone for a moment before turning his head to look at Dollie.
âSheâs busyâ Dollie pouted as she looked at him, he understood how she felt. He was holding his own pout back too at this point âSâok, daddy and Dollie date like old timesâ he smiled softly.
Back at the house Blake carried the final box up to your room, piling it ontop of the others before standing in front of you.
âThatâs everythingâ you looked up from your phone at him, too busy typing and deleting a message to gator to explain he had nothing to worry about. But maybe it wouldnât hurt to let gator sweat a little, like heâd made you.
âThank youâ you smile sweetly âIâll keep you updated about the jobâ
âGood luck! And uh.. if you ever change your mind about..usâ he scoffed cringing at how desperate he sounds âIâm downâ.
You nod pushing up off the bed to walk him out, hearing the sound of tires pulling in outside the house.
âByeâ you hold the door open, your attention quickly turning to Dollie frantically waving from the back of the car.
âHey Dollie girlâ you coo as you walk towards her door, gators hand quickly pushing the door back closed as he looked down at you.
âNo men in the houseâ he looked stern, but his usual smirk was there âtold ya, donât want them round herâ
You sigh as you place your hands on your hips turning to face him.
âShe wasnât home, neither were youâ you smile innocently, knowing exactly what you were doing.
âHmm, no men in the houseâ gators hands pulled you away from Dollieâs door, slamming your back into the back of his car so you were both hidden from little eyes âyer mineâ
You laugh as his head falls to your shoulder, lips brushing against your neck.
âNot yoursâ you whisper but your head falls to the side giving him more room anyway, breath catching in your throat as he slowly teases you with open mouth kisses.
âKeep tellin ya self thatâ he scoffs, his breath hitting your neck sending shivers through you.
âI willâ you smile up at him as you push him away, biting down on your lip as he looks at you âIâm all.. worn out today anyway, been busyâ you shrug.
You watched gators jaw tense, the rage building inside him but all you can do is smile.
âDonâtâ
âWhat?â You tease stepping closer, your hand resting on his chest âjust telling you about my REALLY fun dayâ you smirk before walking towards Dollieâs door.
~
The rest of the evening passed by quickly, Dollie helped gator make dinner, helped clean out star and you helped with bath time.
Gator put Dollie to bed and you cleaned up fownstairs, waiting for him.
âDid ya sleep with him?â You bit down on your bottom lip to hide the smirk, continuing to wipe down the counter.
âNoseyâ you giggle.
Gators hand lands on top of yours to stop you, you turn to him.
âDid ya?â His eyes were soft, maybe a little hurt in them along with the jealousy âjus wanna know, prettyâ
âItâs none of your businessâ you whisper, teasing act starting to melt away âIâm not yoursâ
âYa want ta be, Sâwhy yer playin hard ta getâ gator smirks at you âya donât have ta play games, I want yaâ
His hand lands against your hip, pulling you closer to him. Your chest pressed against his and he looked down at you, the warmth of him against you not helping with the growing need you had for him.
âIâm not playing gamesâ you whisper as his fingers hook under your chin pulling your face to look up at him.
âLet go upstairsâ gator whispered as his lips met yours, teeth dragging over your bottom lip before kissing you again âplease, pretty girlâ
âOkayâ you whisper into his mouth between kisses, you can feel the smile in his lips as he kisses you.
Gators hands move to hold onto your thighs, squeezing the soft skin there before lifting you up with ease. Your legs wrapping around his waist as he carries you up the stairs, lips still crashing into yours as you giggle slamming into the wall every so often.
âFuck yer so prettyâ he cooed as he placed you down against his sheets, hands moving to his belt quickly undoing it.
You watched as he stripped himself of his clothes frantically but quietly, standing in front of you naked.
God he was beautiful, every part of him.
âCmonâ he smirked grabbing your feet to pull you onto your back before his hands were working your jeans down your legs, shirt pulled off you tossed onto the floor leaving you in your underwear âfuckâ he finally slowed down, hands sliding down your thighs, his head following them as he placed kisses against your bare skin.
Your stomach was tightening already from the touch, already feeling overwhelmed in the best way.
Gators fingers looped through the waistband of your panties as he slides them down slowly, groaning softly at the sight.
âBeen too long, prettyâ he whispered as he placed a kiss against your wet folds, your back arching off the bed at his touch had him smirking against you.
Gator moved back up your body, his hands gently dragging all the way up to your bra as he pulled it off.
Your fingers run through his thick hair as he kisses across your chest, taking your nipple into his mouth warm tongue brushing against it.
A soft moan falls from you as he nips at you, other breast completely covered by his large hand as he squeezes.
âLet me hear those pretty sounds, babyâ he whispers as he switches to your other breast, his hard cock rubbing against your pussy as he rolls his hips making your body feel electric.
You push your hips up higher to meet his rolls so you can feel all of him, his cock slotting perfectly against you.
âYer so needy, pretty girlâ he teased as he bit down on your bottom lip, moans falling from you as his hand pushed against your mouth âshhhâ he smirked.
You let your eyes flutter shut as he continues to rub against you, head of his cock perfectly nudging against your clit everytime.
Gator pulls off you rolling onto his back before he lifts you up onto him.
âWanna see yaâ you lower yourself down onto him, head falling back at the familiar stretch âfuck, just like thatâ gator groaned as you started to move, his cock hitting all of the right places under your control.
Gators hands held onto your hips, guiding you up and back down at the pace you set.
Your hands rested against his chest, moans falling from you both quietly.
You picked up your speed, feeling the coil in your stomach tightening closer to falling apart with every roll of your hips.
âYa close?â Gator bit down on his lip as he looked at you, eyes half lidded totally blissed out.
âMhmmâ
One of his hands moving from your hip to your clit, fingers circling against it quickly as he watched the pleasure on your face, heart beating rapidly.
âFuck, yer so beautiful like this..â his own hips thrusting up to meet yours now as he chased his own finish âwhen yer a slu..â
âFuck, gator!â You cried out as your legs started to tremble, orgasm washing over you.
âShit, shit..â he moaned as you tightened around his cock, he was close âshit Iâm gonna cumâ he moved his hand away from your sensitive clit now.
Both hands resting against your thighs as his brows furrowed, you smirked at him as you stopped moving lifting yourself off his lap sitting next to him on the bed.
âFuck, whyâd ya do that?â Gators eyes were wide, hard cock twitching against his stomach âwas gonna cumâ
âPoor babyâ you cooed as you smirked at him again, hand stroking down his cock making his hips thrust up involuntarily âi finishedâ you shrugged as you met his eyes.
âI- I didntâ he whined as he ran his hand over his face âplease baby, get back onâ he pulled at your arm making you giggle.
You climbed off the bed walking towards the door, gator following you. Slamming the door back shut as you opened it, dark eyes burning down on you as you smirked at him.
âWhen ya gonna stop playin these silly games, prettyâ he smirked as his hands pulled your hips into him, cock resting heavily against you making you moan âsee? Ya want it tooâ
Gators hands on your hips spin you around so your hands land against the door, his cock pressing against your ass as he places kisses down your spine.
You shiver, body flooding with pleasure all over again.
He lines his cock up against your entrance, just letting the tip kiss there gently.
âFuck, pleaseâ you moan, pushing yourself back to push him in further.
Gator doesnât deny you like you did him, thrusting into you with force that knocks the air out of you.
âNot playin nice now babyâ he groans as his hands grip into your hips tightly, scared you might try and get away again âfuckâ
Gators head rolls back as he thrusts into you, the sound of his skin slapping against yours was enough to make you cum all over again.
âOh my god, gatorâ you cry out, his hand covering your mouth to keep you quiet as his cock slams back into you.
âShhh, pretty girlâ he whispers, his hips starting to fall out of rhythm âya gonna cum again?â
He drags his hand down from your mouth squeezing at your chest as he passes it before it settles at your clit again.
You bite down on your lip as his fingers start working it again, tears pricking your eyes at the over stimulation.
Gator worked you hard, his thrusts only getting harder as he got closer to his finish.
You cum again on his cock, body giving up as your legs tremble all over again.
âFuck, babyâ gator groaned as he thrusts into you a final time before you feel the warm sensation of him filling you up.
He rests his head against your back as he tries to catch his breath, arms wrapping around you.
âWas that okay?â His voice is low, husky as he stands up, the empty sensation making you whimper against the door.
âY-yeahâ you stand up slowly turning to face him, his eyes werenât filled with lust, no smirk pressed to his lips.
He was just gator.
You wrapped your arms around his neck softly as you pulled him down to you, pulling him into a slow kiss.
The butterflies flying around inside your stomach shouldnât be happening, just sex youâd always told yourself but it felt different.
Tore my ACL and canât even walk properly and Iâm bored as fuck đ all I do except for my remote job is read Gator Tillman/Steve Harrington fics on tumblr all day everyday. Might as well just write one myself at this point, Iâm so deep in the Joe Keery fanfic environment lol
Dollie isnât sure she wants to see her mama, reader is still insecure & gator canât always make it better.
Good morningâ you smile down at Dollie as she walks towards you waiting at the classroom door, her hand holding on tightly to gators.
âMornin prettyâ
âMorningâ you smiled softly, butterflies fluttering through you at the pet name he used for you, gators eyes meeting yours for a moment before he crouched down in front of Dollie.
âBe goodâ he kissed her nose making her scrunch her face up at the stubble brushing against her face.
âSheâs always good!â You giggle
âSilly daddyâ Dollie giggled as she kissed his cheek before walking through the door.
âLove ya Dollie girlâ gator called after her, standing up in front of you.
âSheâs comin later, when dolls in bed so sheâs away from it allâ gator sighed as he looked at you, like he was waiting for you to say something to make him feel better about the whole situation but you were just as confused.
âShould i go out?â
Gator looked like youâd just slapped him around the face, like youâd asked the most ridiculous question.
âNo, its yer homeâ he stepped closer, turning his head to check for anyone around before pulling you from the doorway âYer part of our familyâ his nose brushed against yours, the butterflies in your stomach starting to feel more busy all of a sudden.
âIf youâre sureâ you whisper, your lips pressing to his gently before pulling back away.
âYer takin risks, pretty girlâ gator teased smirking at you âknew id have ya fallin fer meâ
âShut up, gatorâ you laughed as he walked away, turning back every so often with the smirk still pressed to his lips.
~
Gator was already home when you pulled up outside the house with Dollie, as usual she was buzzing with excitement when she saw his car.
âDaddyâs home!â She squealed as her hands fumbled to undo her buckle on her seat.
âHang on Dollie girl, im coming to helpâ you laughed at how frantically sheâs trying to get out of her seat to get to him.
You quickly unbuckle her watching as she sprinted over to the house, straight through the door to find him.
âYa been good?â He grinned as he wrapped his arms around her, his head resting against the top of hers.
âOf course, daddy!â
Gator looked up at you as you walked into the house, the tired expression on your face.
âEverythin okay?â
âJust tiredâ you smiled softly âill do dinner tonightâ
âI can do it, ya look like ya need the restâ
âItâs okay, sheâs missed you today. Go spend some time with herâ you smiled as you walked towards the kitchen to get started.
Youâd just started to fill the pan with water when gator appeared behind you, strong arms wrapped around your waist.
Usually it would be accompanied by his hard dick digging into the back of your thigh but not today, he was just holding you because he wanted too.
âYa should really think about leavin the school, too hard on yaâ
You spun round in his arms to face him, the soft expression on his face made you realise he wasnât trying to be controlling he genuinely wanted to help you.
âGator, you know im not going to do that. Itâs been a busy day, thatâs allâ you pressed a kiss to his lips quickly.
Mindful that Dollie was still floating around somewhere downstairs.
âOkay, pretty. But when yer ready, ya know Iâll support yaâ gators head fell down to rest against your shoulder, you melted into him needing the hug.
âDaddy? Are you cuddling miss?â
Gators head raised from your shoulder, his eyes meeting yours in a moment of panic.
âNo, doll jus-â he unlooped his arms from around you, turning towards Dollie.
âDaddy, you said telling lies is badâ you looked over at her, the stern expression on her face âgets you in EVEN bigger trouble!â
âYer rightâ gator exhaled walking towards her to get down on her level âlyin is badâ
âWeâre you cuddling miss, daddy?â
âY-yeahâ
Dollie smiled at him her eyes flicking behind him to you for a moment.
âWanna play hairdressers?â
âSounds good to me Dollie dotâ
Gator holds onto her hand as she leads him upstairs to her room, sitting him down on the small chair in front of the mirror.
âYouâre too big daddy!â
Gator laughs as he looks at her in the reflection of the mirror, even on the childâs size seat he was still much to high for her to reach his hair.
âGo get yer step from the bathroomâ
~
Dollie walked back into the room dropping the step on the floor next to gator before stepping up onto it grinning.
âMuch better!â Gator smiled at her, Dollie looked at herself in the mirror from gators shoulder.
Her chin pressed to it as she smiled, gators head falling to the side to rest against hers.
âYer so beautiful, dollâ he sighed.
âYouâre beautiful daddyâ she giggled, gator looked at her reflection in the mirror wondering how he ever got so lucky to have her after everything bad he did in his life.
How she ended up so sweet, so perfect.
Dollie started to brush through his hair, gator biting down on his lip as she dragged the brush through his gelled hair.
âDo it slow dollâ he laughed as she struggled to get the brush through it.
Gator watched the concentration on her face as she slowly pulled the brush through it, detangling the gel as she did it.
âI like your hair better when itâs fluffy daddy, fluffy like a catâ she giggled as she picked a butterfly clip up off the table, pushing it into his hair gently âwowâ she squealed as she looked at it.
âNever looked better!â He cooed as he looked at his reflection now, the dark bags under his eyes that were from being tired. Not from bruises like they used to be, his hair only messy because of his daughter messing with it. Not because heâd been roughed up.
âDaddy, why was mama here?â
Gators chest tightened, he tried to swallow down the anxiety that started to come up his throat from the question.
She must have heard that she was here, of course she did. She heard all of the shouting.
Gator turned on his seat to face her, his hands holding onto both of hers as he looked into her eyes.
âShe wants to see ya, dollâ gator watched as the smile faded off her face, the way her eyes twinkled as she looked at him âis that somethin ya would like to happen?â
Dollie thought for a moment, her hands squeezed onto gators.
âI like missâ
âSheâs not yer mama Dollie girlâ gator pulled one of her hands up to his lips to kiss it softly âYa can like miss an yer mamaâ
âDo you like miss,daddy?â
âYeahâ he smiled softly at her âi like that sheâs kind with you, i like that you like herâ
âWhat about mama? Do you like her?â
âI like her because she gave me the best thing everâ he placed a kiss to dollies nose âbut i need to know if you want to see her doll, its yer choice but i need to know what to tell mamaâ
Dollie took a moment again to think it through, gator watched as she started to smile again.
âYour hair is sticking up againâ she giggled as she reached for the hairbrush again.
âHeyâ gator grabbed onto the brush before she had chance to get it âyou dont have to tell me what ya want right now, but no one is going to be mad no matter what ya want to do okay?â
Dollie looked at him, he could see the sadness in her eyes which was strange for a little girl who only ever wanted her mama that now had the chance.
âOkay,daddyâ
âLove ya so much Dollie girlâ gator pulled her against his chest, trying to hold himself together as well as Dollie.
~
You all sat around the table, mostly silent as you all ate together.
You could see gator was tense by the way his brows were permanently furrowed but the pink butterfly clip stuck in his hair made him look less threatening.
âMiss? Do i have to call you that?â
âWhat would you like to call me Dollie?â You smiled at her across the table, truthfully you hated being called miss. It made you feel like you never clocked off the job and honestly the relationship you had built with Dollie was a lot more than that now.
âMamaâ
Gators head shot up to look at her the turned to you, the expression on your face wasnât horrified this time. It was kind, understanding.
You knew this moment would come, you basically were filling in the role of her mama.
âDolls..â gator started but you cut him off quickly.
âDo you know im not your mama?â
âyes, sillyâ Dollie giggled as she looked at you.
âOkay, you know I can never take the place of your real mama right?â You poke your finger against her nose making her laugh, trying to keep the mood light.
âMhmmmâ Dollie giggled
Gators eyes flickered between you both as you spoke, unsure of where you were going with this.
âThen you can call me whatever you like, as long as itâs okay with daddy. Mama, my name, whatever you think suits meâ you smile at her sweetly, her little dimples melting you as she smiled back before turning to gator.
âDaddy, can i call miss mama?â
Gators chest tightened, heâd always told her that she only had one mama. It went against everything that he agreed with but for some reason the way you explained it to Dollie, the way you were okay with her calling you that made something change inside him.
âIf thatâs what ya want, babyâ his words came out barely above a whisper, a soft smile placed to his lips.
âOkay daddyâ Dollie giggled as she went back to her food, gator looked over at you the way you smiled as you watched her, never shying away from the hard questions.
You embraced her and everything that came with her, you did more for her than her mama ever had.
A warm feeling washed over him, it felt like family.
~
You cleaned downstairs whilst gator bathed Dollie and got her ready for bed, anxiety flooding you over the thought of seeing her again.
The thought of watching gator melt at the sight of another woman made your heart hurt, but youâd be there with him. Just like you always were when he needed you.
âItâs clean enough, come hereâ gator flopped down on the sofa, holding his arms open towards you âneed yaâ
You climb on top of him, laying down against him so your head rested against his chest as he wrapped his arms around you.
âWanted somethin like this fer so longâ
âLike what?â
âThis, somethin that feels like family. Someone who loves doll, who cares for herâ
âI care for you bothâ you press your lips to his chest.
âI knowâ one of gators hands moved up to your hair, twisting pieces of it softly between his fingers âdo ya want this?â
âWant what?â You push yourself up to look at him, he looked exhausted and the hardest part of his day was still yet to come.
âThisâ he gestured to the room âme, doll, everythin that comes with it. Yer young, ya can start a family with someone without all this shitâ
He was right, you could.
You could walk out of this house and never have to see either of them again, nothing holding you to them.
You could meet someone who didnât come with baggage, start a family that was yours.
But you didnât want that, you liked what you had here.
âItâs not shit, gatorâ you kissed his lips softly âits you and Dollie, its my homeâ
âItâs a lotâ gator scoffed.
It was, it was also a mess. A big mess that you didnât need to be in but couldnât walk away from.
âSheâs so beautiful, her mamaâ you sighed.
Gators chest tightened, she was. She was the most beautiful woman heâd even met.
âGotta be a good person fer it to countâ he exhaled running his hand through his hair knocking the pink butterfly clip out of his hair onto the floor.
âShe canât have been that bad, i see how you look at herâ you push up off him now, moving to sit next go him, gator sits up now too.
âDonât ya see how i look at you?â His hand rests against your cheek, thumb softly stroking the skin âyer fuckin beautifulâ
âIâm just scaredâ
âOf what? Iâm here with youâ
âThat sheâll worm her way back in, that ill be pushed outâ
Gator sighed as he looked at you, not sure how to make you feel better. He knew how he felt towards you, but it didnât compare to the love he still had for dollies mama.
âIt- it wont happenâ gator tied to convince himself. âYer mine, remember?â
âYou hesitatedâ
Gator looked down at his hands, the tight feeling in your chest cranking up a level as the door knocked.
~
âHey babyâ dollies mom grinned at gator as she leaned up to kiss his cheek before making her way into the front room âyour nanny stays over?â She turns to face him as she spots you.
âYeah..â gator responds nervously, likes the words didnât feel right. Because they werenât right, heâd asked you to be in a relationship with him in some round about way.
Dollies mom looked over at you before sitting down on the sofa next to gator.
âDid you think things through?â
âI spoke to doll, she isnât sure if she wants to see you yetâ
You watched as she pouted her lips up at him, her hand holding onto his. He didnât pull away, of course he didnât. But it didnât stop your stomach from turning at the sight.
âCould you maybe, you know. Convince her? Iâd really hate to have to go the legal route and disturb the peaceâ she smiled at him âplus, the sooner you convince her the sooner I can come home babyâ
âYa canât just come..homeâ
âDonât be silly, gator. My names on the house too, remember that!â
She was blackmailing him and he was sitting back and letting her, you could feel the anger bubbling away inside of you.
You rolled your eyes as you looked at her, the way tears started to stream down her cheeks.
âHey, hey dont cryâ gator pulled her into his chest, the chest you were laying against minutes ago.
You felt sick.
âI just want my family back, Iâve missed youâ her face was dangerously close to his now as she looked up at him, the way his eyes were soft as they looked at her.
âI-Iâll speak to her, but ya canât come home..â
You watched as gator spoke, like the words hurt as they left his mouth. Did he mean what he said? You werenât sure.
âI messed up gator, Iâll never forgive myself. But i want this, ill never leave againâ
âYou can see her, but thatâs it..â he sighed. Gator could feel the words getting caught in his throat, heâd waited so long to hear her say those words.âWe canât fix usâ
âYer just in shock, itâll take timeâ she spoke softly as she looked up at him, gator looked over at you before meeting her eyes again.
He nodded as he looked down at her, like a love sick puppy.
âHereâ she grabbed gators phone and put her number in before placing it into his hands âkeep in touch, im seriousâ she smiled as she stroked her hand against his cheek before getting up and heading towards the door.
Gator exhaled as he closed the door behind her, slowly turning to face you.
âFuck youâ
Gators mouth fell open as he looked at you, for once speechless.
âYou told your daughter she could call me mama today or did you forget that when she walked through the door?â
âSheâs not coming backâ
âOh gator, cut the bullshit! Sheâs absolutely coming back!â
âShhh, yer gonna wake her!â Gator walked over to you hands holding onto your arms âi said she ainât comin back, its hard to have someone you.. so much in front of youâ
âSomeone you what gator?â You step closer into his space âsomeone you love, say itâ
âI dont..â
You laugh as you look at him, shaking your head.
âDonât be a fucking coward gator, im the fool for believing youâ
âYer not a fool, fuck, you canât leaveâ you looked at the panic on his face, you believed him. He was being honest he did want you here, but he also wanted her.
âYou canât have us bothâ
âI donât want you both, I want you!â Gators hands slammed against the wall either side of you as he caged you in âshit, itâs hard but I want this, with youâ His head fell foward against yours, his breath hitting your lips. âSheâs not fuckin comin home, this is our home okay?â
âOkayâ you whisper.
You wanted to believe him, he said all the right things when she wasnât around but he turned to mush when she was.
âLetâs jus.. go to bed pretty girlâ
Your heart was beating rapidly in your chest, you couldnât have sex with him right now.
You needed to work out if he was using you.
~
âCome onâ gator smirked pulling you towards the bed, you stood between his thighs as he sat on the edge in his boxers âtake this offâ gator pulled your dress up your body slowly over your head.
You smile at him softly, his eyes moving over your body as he exhales.
His hands starting at your thighs making there way up to your hips, creeping higher slowly to find your bra.
âSo perfectâ he whispered, unclipping the bra watching it fall the to floor âm so luckyâ
âYou are?â
âMhmmâ gators mouth kissed from your stomach up to your breasts, one hand squeezing one as his mouth moved over the other âget in the bed, prettyâ
His mouth closed over your nipple softly, shivers washing over you.
You could see he was hard, you knew what he wanted.
âNot tonightâ
Gator groaned as he pulled himself off you.
âWhy not, sâbeen a hard dayâ
âIâm tiredâ you let your hand rest against his face, his face fell into your touch.
âOkay babyâ gator lay back down against the bed, shuffling to his space as you climbed in next to him âyer not pullin away from me are ya?â
âNoâ lie, lie, lie.
You were, but only to find out how he really felt towards you. To protect yourself from the heartbreak if Dollieâs mama really does worm her way back in.
âGood, canât lose yaâ he turned towards you, nose brushing against yours before he pulled you into a kiss.
After Gators ex Veronica announces her engagement heâs shocked. She knows who she really belongs to and heâs going to remind her.
Warnings: MDNI, NSFW, SMUT!, Cheating!, Dark elements, drug use!
Authors note: No need to of watched Fargo to follow this story at all. Gators a real piece of work in this but mmmm he knows what he wants or I guess who he wants? This is heavy porn with some plot. Dedicated to all my freak nasty angels. đđ«Š
Synopsis: What starts as lingering touches and unspoken promises slowly turns into something real, or so you think. When Steve finally says he wants to take things seriously, you let yourself believe him. But one misunderstood moment in an empty classroom is all it takes to unravel everything.
Tags: Miscommunication (im sorry!), Angst with a Happy Ending, Situationship to Lovers, Emotional Vulnerability, Hurt/Comfort, Soft Steve Harrington, Confession Scene
Warnings: Emotional Distress, Arguments, Feelings
Words: ~10k
A/N: everybody trust me i hate miscommunication tropes as much as you do but this came to me in a dream!! trust me plsssÂ
There are some things Steve Harrington does that feel like promises, even when he never says the words.
Like the way his hand always finds the small of your back in the hallway, thumb brushing slow, absent-minded circles against your spine as if heâs reminding himself youâre real. Like the way he leans in when he talks to you, even when the hallway is crowded, his shoulder brushing yours, his voice dropping just for you. Like the way he says your name, soft, familiar, like it belongs to him.
And yet.
Youâre still nothing official.
Hawkins High hums around you, lockers slamming, laughter echoing, someoneâs radio blaring from a car in the parking lot, but Steveâs attention is fixed on you like the rest of the world has gone slightly out of focus. Youâre leaning against your locker, pretending youâre listening to him ramble about something, Tommy, maybe, or his shift at Family Video, while your brain is busy cataloging every little detail.
The way his chestnut hair, perpetually imperfect, falls into his eyes when he tilts his head to emphasize a point, and the subsequent, effortless sweep of his fingers to push it back.
The faint, clean scent of his cologne, something warm with sandalwood and soap, mingled with the unique, essential scent of him, a familiarity that makes your lungs feel tight.
The deliberate, casual way his knee nudges yours, a gentle tap-tap-tap of denim against denim.
You do realize.
You always do.
â- and then he has the nerve to tell me I shouldâve locked up earlier,â Steve finishes, scoffing. âLike I donât already do everything around there.â
You hum in response, smiling up at him. âSounds rough.â
He grins back at you, and itâs a thing of devastating, effortless beauty, the kind that still liquefies your insides and sends a flock of wings beating against your ribs, even after all these months of nearness. His eyes crinkle at the corners. âYou saying that,â he murmurs, leaning in an inch, âjust made my whole day, yâknow. Single-handedly.â
Before you can respond, he steps closer, too close for just friends, not close enough for something more, and his fingers hook into the belt loops of your jeans. Itâs familiar. Easy. Intimate.
Possessive.
Your breath catches despite yourself.
Steve doesnât pull you all the way in. He never does, not here. Instead, he leans down just enough that his mouth brushes your ear as he murmurs, âYou busy after school?â
Your heart stutters.
âDepends,â you say carefully. âWhy?â
âThinking we could hang out.â His fingers tighten briefly, a silent punctuation. âJust us.â
Just us.
Those two words are your entire lexicon. They are the title of your story so far. They mean his couch and shared bowls of popcorn, the quiet of his empty house, his arm around your shoulders while a movie plays unseen. They mean everything and they promise nothing, all at once. They are the haven and the torture.
âYeah,â you say, hoping he canât hear the way your voice softens. âIâd like that.â
He smiles again, satisfied, like heâs already won something, and finally lets go, just as someone walks past, glancing at the two of you with raised eyebrows.
Steve doesnât notice.
Or maybe he does, and he just doesnât care.
You sit with your friends at lunch, poking half-heartedly at your food while they watch you with the kind of knowing expressions that make your skin itch.
The cafeteria is loud, trays clattering, someone laughing too hard at the next table, the distant echo of a basketball bouncing somewhere in the gym, but at your table, it feels like everything has gone uncomfortably quiet. You can feel their eyes on you every time you push a pea around your plate instead of eating it.
You donât need to look up to know why.
âSo,â Robin says finally, breaking the silence as she steals one of your fries without asking and pops it into her mouth. âLet me guess. Steve walked you to class again?â
You let out a slow breath through your nose. âHe was already going that way.â
Robin hums, unconvinced.
Robin lifts her drink, watching you over the rim. âFunny how heâs always already going that way.â
You stab at your food a little harder than necessary. âItâs not like that.â
âMmhmm,â Robin says, smirking now. âAnd let me guess, he touched you?â
Your fork freezes halfway to your mouth.
âRobin,â you warn, heat rushing to your face.
She leans back in her chair, utterly unapologetic. âWhat? Iâm just saying. Shoulder? Waist? Hand on your back like heâs guiding you through a crowd that doesnât exist?â
You donât say anything, just staring back at Robin.
âThatâs a yes,â she says, grinning when you donât answer fast enough.
âIt doesnât mean anything,â you say quickly, too quickly, the words tumbling over each other like if you say them fast enough they might become true. âSteveâs just⊠like that.â
The second the words leave your mouth, they feel thin. Hollow.
Robin arches an eyebrow. âDoesnât it?â
You drop your gaze to your tray, suddenly fascinated by the unappealing texture of cafeteria mashed potatoes. âItâs just⊠Steve.â
Nancyâs smile softens, the teasing giving way to something more careful. âThatâs the problem,â she says gently. âSteve is great. Steve is also⊠Steve.â
You know exactly what she means.
Steve Harrington is warmth and easy smiles and hands that linger like he doesnât know how not to touch you. Heâs late-night drives with the windows down, his jacket draped over your shoulders without a second thought. Heâs leaning in too close when he laughs, his thumb brushing your knuckles like it belongs there. Heâs kisses that feel slow and deliberate, like heâs memorizing you.
And then heâs the way his voice goes light whenever things get too serious. The way he dodges questions without technically avoiding them. The way he says weâll see instead of yes or no.
He kisses you like he means it.
He holds you like youâre something precious.
He looks at you like heâs already halfway in love.
But he never says anything that might actually define what the two of you are.
Every time you get close, every time you feel the words building in your throat, he does something that makes you forget why you were nervous in the first place. A stupid joke whispered against your ear. A kiss pressed to your temple. A soft hey like heâs afraid you might disappear if he doesnât say it just right.
âHe hasnât said anything,â you admit quietly, the confession settling heavy in your chest. âNot really.â
Robinâs expression softens instantly, all the teasing slipping away. She nudges your arm with her elbow. âYou deserve clarity, you know.â
You nod, because you do know. Youâve known for a while now. Itâs just easier to ignore when Steveâs hands are warm and familiar and he looks at you like youâre the only person in the room.
âI thinkâŠâ you start, then stop, chewing on your bottom lip. âI think heâs just scared.â
Robin tilts her head. âOf what?â
You donât answer right away.
Instead, you think of the way Steveâs hands settle so naturally on your waist, like he doesnât even think about it anymore. The sound of his laughter in your ear when you say something stupid. The way he always finds his way back to you, no matter how busy his life gets.
You think of how careful he is with you when it matters most.
âOf messing it up,â you say finally.
Robin sighs. âOr of having something real.â
You look up at that, startled, but she just offers you a small, knowing smile.
âThose two things tend to look pretty similar,â she adds.
You donât know whether to laugh or cry.
Instead, you glance across the cafeteria without meaning to, and your breath catches when you spot Steve a few tables over, leaning back in his chair, laughing at something Tommy said. His eyes flick up for just a second, instinctively finding you like they always do.
When he sees you, his smile changes. Softens.
Your heart stutters traitorously in your chest.
Robin follows your gaze, then looks back at you. âJust⊠donât let him keep you in the gray forever.â
You nod again, even as hope flickers stubbornly to life in your chest.
Because despite everything, despite the doubt and the uncertainty and the way your heart feels permanently suspended in mid-fall, Steve Harrington keeps choosing you.
And for now, that feels like it has to mean something.
The parking lot after school is a smear of late-afternoon gold, heat still trapped in the asphalt even though the day is slipping toward evening. Cars cough to life in uneven bursts. Someone yells goodbye across three rows of vehicles. The last bell feels like itâs still vibrating in your bones.
Youâre halfway to your own car when you realize Steve hasnât said a word since you stepped outside.
Thatâs not like him.
Steve Harrington usually fills silences like heâs afraid theyâll swallow him whole, complaining about teachers, talking about work, narrating his entire thought process with an easy grin. Today, heâs walking beside you with his hands shoved in his jacket pockets, shoulders tense in a way that doesnât match the sunlight.
You sneak a glance at him.
His hair is a mess from running his fingers through it all day, curls catching the light. His jaw works like heâs chewing on something he canât swallow. When he notices you looking, he flashes a smile so quick itâs almost automatic.
Too automatic.
âYou okay?â you ask softly.
He blinks, like youâve pulled him out of a thought he shouldnât be having. âYeah. Yeah, Iâm good.â He pauses, then adds, too fast, âJust tired.â
You hum, letting it go because youâve learned when to press and when to let Steve have his space. Itâs a careful dance. One youâve gotten too good at.
You reach your car. Your keys are already in your hand when Steve speaks again.
âHey,â he says.
Something about his voice makes your fingers still.
âYeah?â
He nods toward the far end of the lot, where the gym doors cast a long shadow across the pavement. âCan we⊠not leave yet?â
Your stomach flips, that familiar mixture of hope and caution. âLike⊠hang out?â
Steveâs smile twitches. âYeah. Just⊠for a minute. Somewhere quiet.â
Somewhere quiet with Steve Harrington is never just somewhere quiet. Itâs stolen moments that feel like secrets. Itâs the soft, slow slide of your name from his mouth like heâs tasting it. Itâs everything you tell yourself not to expect and everything your heart insists on wanting anyway.
You nod, trying to look casual. âSure.â
Steveâs shoulders loosen a fraction, like heâs relieved you didnât say no. He turns and starts walking, and you follow him without thinking twice.
He leads you around the side of the school, past the dumpsters and the faculty parking spots, where the noise of the lot fades into something distant. The air smells like cut grass and warm brick. A cicada buzzes somewhere nearby, loud enough to fill the silence between you.
Steve slows as you reach a back entrance, one of the doors thatâs supposed to be locked but never is, not really. He glances over his shoulder like heâs checking if anyoneâs watching, then pushes it open.
âSteve, â you start.
He holds up a hand, a quiet wait, and thereâs something in his eyes that makes you stop.
Inside, the hallway is dimmer, cooler. The hum of fluorescent lights buzzes overhead. The school feels different when itâs emptier, like a place youâre not supposed to be.
Steve walks ahead, footsteps soft against the waxed linoleum. He doesnât look back to see if youâre following. He doesnât have to.
He stops at the end of the hallway, where a classroom door is cracked open. The room beyond is dark except for the slant of sun coming through the blinds, striping the floor in pale gold.
Steve pushes the door open and steps inside.
You hesitate for a half-second before you follow.
The classroom smells like chalk dust and old paper. Desks sit in neat rows, untouched. The air is warm where the sunlight hits, cool in the shadows. It feels too intimate, too quiet, like the world has pressed pause just for you.
Steve closes the door behind you, not all the way, not with a click, just enough that itâs mostly shut. Enough to make the room feel like a pocket of privacy.
He turns to face you.
For a second, he just⊠looks at you.
Not the quick, teasing glance he gives you in the hallways. Not the lazy, half-lidded look he gets when heâs flirting.
This is different.
His eyes flicker over your face like heâs trying to memorize it. Like heâs searching for something. His hands hover at his sides, uncertain.
Nervous.
Youâve seen Steve nervous before, before games, before fights, before anything he actually cares about.
Youâve never seen him nervous like this.
Your heart starts to beat harder, a little too loud in your chest. âSteve⊠what is this?â
He swallows. âNothing. I mean, â He exhales, sharp and frustrated, as if annoyed with himself. âItâs not nothing.â
Your fingers curl around the strap of your bag just to have something to hold. âOkay.â
Steve drags a hand through his hair, and the motion is so familiar it almost makes you smile, until you see the way his hand trembles slightly when it drops back down.
He laughs once, breathy. âGod. This is stupid.â
âItâs not stupid,â you say immediately.
He looks at you, and something in his expression softens at the way you say it. Like he didnât expect you to be gentle.
Steve steps closer, slowly, like heâs testing whether youâll back away.
You donât.
He stops close enough that you can smell him, warm cologne and something clean beneath it, soap maybe, the faintest hint of cigarettes from someone elseâs jacket heâs been standing near. His presence fills the space in front of you in a way that makes everything else feel smaller.
His gaze drops to your mouth. Your breath catches. Steve lifts his hand. His fingers brush the side of your neck, just below your ear, light as if heâs afraid of hurting you. The touch is so gentle it makes your skin prickle.
And then his hand slides to cup your head, palm settling at the base of your skull. Itâs a protective hold. Intimate. Reverent.
Your throat tightens.
Steveâs thumb strokes once, slow, along the edge of your hairline.
âIs this okay?â he asks, voice quieter than youâve ever heard it.
You nod, too quickly. âYeah.â
His eyes flicker to yours, searching, making sure. When he seems satisfied, his hand tightens a fraction, not rough, just⊠certain.
He pulls you toward him. Not rushed. Not hungry. Like heâs been waiting.
Your body moves with his like it already knows how. Like youâve done this a hundred times and still never quite get used to the way it makes you feel.
Steve leans down, slow enough that you could stop him. His forehead almost brushes yours. His breath fans across your lips.
And then he kisses you.
It isnât the kind of kiss he gives you in his car when the radio is too loud and his hands are everywhere and everything feels like fire. This kiss is quieter. Deeper. Like heâs trying to say something without words.
Steveâs mouth moves against yours with careful patience, as if heâs learning you again. His hand stays on the back of your neck, thumb stroking, grounding you. The other hand hesitates at your side before settling lightly against your hip, not gripping, not claiming, just holding you there, like he canât bear the thought of you drifting away.
You melt into him before you can stop yourself.
Your hands lift, finding his jacket, fingers curling into the fabric because you need something to anchor you. Steve makes a sound, barely audible, almost a sigh, and deepens the kiss slightly, like your touch gives him permission.
Itâs all so slow it feels dizzying.
When he finally pulls back, itâs not sudden. He rests his forehead against yours, eyes closed. His breathing is heavier now, steady but purposeful, like heâs trying to calm himself down.
Youâre still, caught between hope and fear, waiting for whatever comes next.
Steve opens his eyes.
Theyâre softer than usual. Unshielded.
âHi,â you whisper, because the word is the only thing you can manage.
Steve gives a small, shaky smile. âHi.â
You let out a breath that sounds too much like a laugh. âWhat are you doing?â
Steveâs smile fades, replaced by something serious. âTrying to not screw this up.â
Your stomach drops and flips at the same time. âThis?â you echo, voice barely there.
He swallows, gaze darting to your mouth again, then back up like heâs afraid if he looks away youâll disappear.
âUs,â he says.
Itâs only one word, but it lands like something huge.
You feel your pulse in your throat. âSteveâŠâ
His hand remains at the back of your neck, warm and steady. âI, â He exhales, eyes squeezing shut for a second like heâs bracing himself. âIâve been thinking.â
You search his face for the usual escape routes, humor, flirting, anything that might turn this into a joke.
There are none. Steve looks⊠scared.
âThinking about what?â you ask softly, even though youâre not sure you want the answer. Because answers change things. They make it real. They make it something you canât pretend doesnât matter.
Steveâs throat bobs. âAbout how I keep⊠doing this.â
âDoing what?â
He laughs again, but thereâs no humor in it. âPulling you in and then acting like it doesnât mean anything. Like weâre just, â He shakes his head, jaw tight. âLike I can just keep you in my pocket whenever I want.â
Your chest tightens. âIs that what you think youâve been doing?â
Steveâs eyes snap to yours, sharp. âNo.â The word is immediate, fierce. âNo, thatâs not what I want. Thatâs-, â He stops, frustration flashing across his face. âThatâs not what you are to me.â
You swallow hard. âThen what am I?â
The question slips out before you can stop it, raw and honest and dangerous.
For a moment, Steve just stares at you.
You can see him thinking. Wrestling with it. The effort of it makes his brows draw together, makes his grip at the back of your neck tighten slightly like youâre the only thing keeping him steady.
Then he leans forward, not to kiss you, not this time, and speaks so quietly you almost donât hear it.
âI want to take us seriously.â
The words hit you like a wave.
Your mind goes blank.
Your heart stutters, then starts racing so hard you canât tell if youâre breathing right.
You blink. âWhat?â
Steveâs mouth twitches, as if he expected you to laugh at him. He doesnât pull away, though. He stays right there, close enough that his breath still brushes your lips.
âI want to take us seriously,â he repeats, a little firmer now. âI want⊠I want to actually be with you.â
Your throat tightens painfully.
Because itâs everything youâve wanted to hear and everything youâve been afraid to hope for.
Because youâve built a whole world in your head out of little moments, his hands on your waist, his jacket around your shoulders, his laugh in your ear, and every time you tried to turn those moments into a real sentence, you stopped yourself.
You told yourself not to be greedy.
Not to ask for more.
Not to make it complicated.
But Steve is standing in front of you, looking at you like youâre something worth risking everything for, and suddenly all of your careful self-control feels paper-thin.
âSteve,â you whisper again, because his name is still the only thing you have.
He nods, like heâs bracing for impact. âI know itâs, Â I know itâs kind of out of nowhere.â
âItâs not,â you say, voice shaking. âItâs not out of nowhere. I just, â
You stop, because the truth sits heavy on your tongue: I didnât think youâd ever say it.
Steveâs eyes soften, as if he hears the unspoken words anyway.
His thumb strokes at your hairline again. âIâve been an idiot,â he admits quietly. âIâve been acting like⊠like if I donât label it, it canât break.â
Your breath catches. âAnd now?â
Steve hesitates.
The hesitation scares you more than anything else.
But then he exhales and looks at you with something almost desperate. âNow Iâm tired of pretending I donât care.â His voice drops. âBecause I do.â
Your chest aches, sharp and sweet.
You imagine it, just for a second.
Steve walking with you openly, hand in hand, not caring who sees. Steve introducing you as his girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever youâd be. Steve showing up at your door in daylight, not sneaking in through windows like a secret.
You imagine not having to wonder if youâre allowed to want him.
You imagine a future that includes him on purpose. Itâs terrifying. Itâs beautiful.
And it makes your eyes burn.
You laugh weakly, shaking your head. âYouâre serious.â
Steveâs expression turns almost offended. âYeah. Iâm serious.â
You stare at him, trying to find the catch. The joke. The moment where he backs out.
Steve doesnât. He just looks at you like youâre the only answer heâs ever had.
âI want you,â he says, voice barely above a whisper. âI want⊠you. Not just, â He gestures vaguely, frustrated. âNot just this. Not just whenever. I want it to be real.â
Your heart twists.
Steve Harrington, who looks like he belongs on magazine covers, who has half the school still acting like heâs the center of the universe, looks at you like you are the one heâs afraid to lose.
âYouâre crazy Steve Harrington,â you whisper automatically.
Steve gives you a look that says be serious.
You huff out a small laugh, then go quiet again, hands still gripping his jacket like youâre afraid if you let go, youâll wake up.
Steve tilts his head, watching you like heâs trying to read your thoughts. âSay something,â he murmurs. âPlease.â
You open your mouth. Your brain is full of static.
âWhat ifâŠâ you start, voice trembling. âWhat if you change your mind?â
Steveâs face softens, something pained flickering in his eyes. âI wonât.â
âYou donât know that.â
âI do,â he says immediately, more certain than before. His hand at your neck tightens just enough to make your breath hitch. âBecause I already tried changing my mind. I already tried telling myself it was just⊠fun.â
He swallows.
âItâs not,â he admits, so quiet it feels like a confession. âNot for me.â
The room feels too small for the way your heart swells.
You blink fast, forcing yourself to breathe. âSo what, what does taking it seriously mean to you?â
Steve hesitates, and your fear spikes again, until he starts speaking, words careful, as if heâs building them from scratch.
âIt means I stop acting like youâre a secret,â he says. âIt means I⊠I donât do this half-in, half-out thing anymore. It means if I want to see you, I call. I come to your door. I-, â He swallows, cheeks flushing faintly. âI take you on dates. Real ones.â
Your lips part slightly.
Steve looks relieved that youâre not running. He leans closer, foreheads nearly touching again.
âAnd it means,â he adds, voice softer, âI stop pretending I donât feel things.â
Your chest tightens around the words.
You let out a shaky breath. âSteveâŠâ
He doesnât kiss you this time. He waits, like heâs giving you the choice. Like heâs giving you the respect he shouldâve given you from the beginning.
It makes your throat ache.
You nod slowly, almost to yourself. âOkay.â
Steve blinks. âOkay?â
You nod again, still stunned. âOkay.â
The look on his face is instantaneous, hope like sunlight, relief so sharp it makes his eyes go glossy. He laughs, breathless, like he canât believe you said yes.
âYeah?â he asks, voice cracking. âYou mean it?â
You canât stop the small smile that tugs at your mouth, even through the fear. âYeah, Steve. I mean it.â
For a second, he just stares at you like heâs memorizing this moment too, your smile, the way your eyes soften, the way your hands are still clutching him like youâve been holding on for dear life.
Then his hand at your neck slides down slightly, fingertips brushing your jaw, and he kisses you again.
Itâs still slow.
Still reverent.
But now thereâs something else in it, something steady. Certain. Like heâs not asking anymore. Like heâs claiming a future. And you let him, because for the first time, you let yourself imagine that maybe this isnât going to end in your heart breaking.
Outside, the sun continues to dip behind the school, the world carrying on like nothing has changed.
But in the quiet, stripe-lit classroom, with Steve Harringtonâs mouth on yours and his hands holding you like you matter, like everything does.
The next morning, you wake up smiling.
Itâs small and stupid and completely uncontrollable, the kind of smile that sneaks up on you while youâre brushing your teeth, while youâre tying your shoes, while youâre staring at your reflection and thinking, This is different now.
Because it is different now.
Steve said it out loud.
He said he wanted to take you seriously. He said he wanted something real. He didnât dodge it, didnât joke it away, didnât soften it with a laugh. He looked at you like he meant it.
And that changes everything.
You walk into Hawkins High with a lightness in your step that feels almost dangerous. Your bag bounces against your hip. Your heart beats faster than usual, like itâs trying to keep up with the possibilities racing through your head.
You imagine him waiting by your locker.
You imagine his smile when he sees you, the way itâll soften like it always does. Maybe heâll pull you in close, just a little smug this time, like heâs allowed to. Maybe heâll kiss your cheek. Maybe he wonât care who sees.
No more secrets, he said.
You round the corner, already searching for him,
And your locker is empty. You slow to a stop, confusion prickling at your skin.
Maybe heâs running late.
Thatâs normal. Steve is perpetually running late. You tell yourself that easily, shrugging it off as you spin the dial on your locker. The metal clicks open with a sound that feels too loud.
You glance down the hallway once more.
Nothing.
Your chest tightens slightly, but you ignore it. One morning doesnât mean anything. You grab your books and shut the locker, the echo ringing through the hallway like punctuation.
Heâll find you later, you tell yourself. He always does
First period passes with a thick, syrupy slowness. The teacherâs voice becomes a distant drone, words like âalgebraic expressionâ and âpolynomialâ dissolving into meaningless sound. Your focus fractures, pulled relentlessly toward the classroom door every time it creaks open, each time, a foolish, hopeful jolt. Then, toward the clock above the chalkboard, its red second hand ticking with a maddening, lethargic precision. In the margin of your notebook, your pen moves of its own volition, tracing the familiar curves of his name before your brain catches up with your heart. You black it out furiously, a dark, scribbled storm cloud over the letters, your cheeks flushing with the vulnerability of it.
You donât see him.
Second period is a study in mounting quiet. You tell yourself itâs fine. His schedule is different; the halls are long. But you still catch yourself scanning the river of students between bells, your eyes skipping from face to unfamiliar face with a practiced, automatic hope. The bright, morning excitement you carried like a secret begins to tarnish at the edges, dulled by a faint, creeping confusion.
By third period, the soft, private smile you woke up with, the one that felt like a promise etched into your skin, has faded completely. In its place is something careful and cautious, a tentative line your mouth holds. You tell yourself youâre being dramatic, borrowing trouble. Steve doesnât owe you every minute of his time. He didnât say everything would change overnight. He just said,
I want to be serious. I want this to be real.
The memory of his voice, low and earnest in the quiet of his car last night, wraps around your heart. It has to mean something. It has to.
When the bell shrieks for fourth period, you gather your books with a restless energy, your thoughts a tangled knot. The hallways have reached their peak volume, a chaotic symphony of slamming metal and shouted plans. You merge into the current of bodies, feeling oddly separate from the flow.
You donât notice the voices at first. Theyâre just another thread in the noisy tapestry, laughter, a shout, the hum of a hundred conversations. Youâre halfway to your class, mind still churning, when a specific sound slices cleanly through the din.
Steveâs laugh.
Itâs unmistakable. Warm, open, and bright, the sound youâve come to associate with sun-drenched afternoons and the safe circle of his arms. Your heart, that traitorous organ, gives a reflexive, joyful skip before your mind can process the context.
Your head turns, an instinct you cannot fight.
The sound emanates from an open classroom a few doors down, Mr. Kellyâs history room. Your feet slow, then stall. You tell yourself youâre just going to glance in. Just to see him, to catch his eye and share a silent, connecting smile. Just to know heâs there.
You take a few steps closer, drawn by a magnetism you despise.
The classroom door is wide open, a rectangle of buttery morning sunlight painting the floor. Inside, a girl stands near the teacherâs desk, leaning back against it. You recognize her vaguely. From his economics class. Sheâs pretty in a way that seems unconscious, her smile easy, her posture comfortable in her own skin.
Steve is leaning against a student desk opposite her, his body angled toward hers in a mirror of their positions.
Too close.
The observation hits you like a physical blow, a sudden, sickening dip in your stomach.
Theyâre laughing about something; their heads inclined toward each other in a shared space. Steveâs posture is the picture of relaxed ease, the Steve who owns every room he enters, who draws people in with the effortless gravity of his charm. This is him, unguarded and shining.
The girl says something, her lips shaping words lost to the hallway noise.
Steve laughs again, a softer, more intimate echo, and shakes his head, running a hand through his hair in that way you love.
Then she reaches out.
Her fingers, confident, casual, brush his arm, just above the elbow. The touch is light but lingers, a punctuation to her smile. She looks up at him with an expression that is unmistakably grateful, familiar. Intimate.
From your frozen vantage point in the hallway, it looks like a language. A language of comfort and shared history.
A language youâre not fluent in.
Your breath snags, catching painfully in your constricted throat.
No, your mind screams, immediate and defensive. This isnât, it canât be,
Steve leans in slightly, saying something in return, his voice too low to hear. The movement is small, but from your angle, itâs devastating. Itâs him closing the distance. Itâs him choosing proximity, the same way he leans into your space, the same way he curved his body around yours just yesterday against your locker.
The same way.
A sharp, white spike of pain lances through your chest. Your vision wavers, the edges blurring with a hot, sudden pressure.
You take a stumbling step back without conscious thought.
Thatâs when Steve looks up.
For half a heartbeat, his face is still open, lit with the fading echo of his smile, unguarded.
Then his eyes find yours.
And his entire world shifts.
His smile doesnât just fade; it evaporates, wiped clean as if it never existed. His body goes taut, straightening away from the desk as if yanked by an invisible wire. His brows pull together in a sharp vee of confusion, of dawning alarm. His mouth opens,
âHey-!â
He takes a hurried step toward the door, toward the hallway.
Toward you.
The girl beside him follows his gaze. She glances at you, a stranger lurking in the doorway, then back at Steve, her pretty face etching with puzzlement.
Steve doesnât see her confusion.
Because heâs looking only at you.
And there it is, plain, stark, and horrifying in its clarity, a flash of pure panic in his eyes.
That should mean something. It should mean he cares, that heâs caught, that you matter enough to spark fear.
In this shattered moment, it means nothing.
Your chest caves inward, a hollow, collapsing feeling that steals the air from your lungs. The roar of your own heartbeat ascends, a deafening thunder in your ears that drowns out the hallway, drowns out her voice, drowns out the scrape of Steveâs shoes on the linoleum as he moves.
One thought rises, crystalline and cruel in its clarity:
How breathtakingly naive could you possibly be?
You donât wait. You donât give him the chance to reach you, to offer some placating, pretty lie. You spin on your heel and walk away, fast and deliberate.
Your footsteps are the only sound you hear, echoing with a terrible finality as you push through the crowd. Your shoulders hunch instinctively, bracing for a blow that never comes. You donât look back. You canât bear to see him following, and you think it might kill you if he doesnât.
Your vision swims, the world tilting. You blink hard, teeth grinding together, and force your legs to carry you forward, away.
Yesterday now feels like a beautifully crafted joke, and you were the oblivious punchline. His hands, so gentle on your face. His voice, rough with emotion, saying I want to take us seriously. The entire, fragile future you allowed yourself to sketch in the air between you, a future with labels and certainty and him.
Stupid.
You should have known. Steve Harrington has always possessed a genius for making people feel singular, like they are the only star in his sky. You just made the catastrophic error of believing you were the one who actually was.
You shove the door to the nearest bathroom open, the force rattling the frame. The fluorescent lights buzz with a sterile, aggressive energy, reflecting harshly off the white tiles. You stumble to the sink, gripping the cold porcelain edge until your knuckles bleach white, breathing in ragged, uneven gasps. You force your gaze to the mirror.
The person staring back is a stranger. Eyes glassy and wide, shimmering with unshed tears. The smile is gone, replaced by a pale, stricken stillness. You look⊠embarrassed. Deeply, profoundly humiliated.
You press your palms flat against the counter, letting the cold seep into your skin, a feeble anchor.
Get it together. You are not crying over this. Not here.
Because what did you truly expect? You existed in the gray space. No titles, no declarations, no contract. You were a lovely, ephemeral thing he could enjoy without consequence, a feeling he could take back without warning, as easily as he took back his smile in that classroom.
You straighten slowly. You lift your chin. You will the trembling in your limbs to still.
You will not let him see this. You will not give him that.
When you finally leave the bathroom, you map a new course through the school, avoiding the tributaries that lead to his locker, his usual haunts. You keep your eyes fixed on some distant point ahead, your steps measured and sure. Every burst of laughter you pass sounds like mockery. Every intertwined couple is a fresh, tiny stab.
You donât see Steve again for the rest of the day.
But you feel him everywhere. In the echo of a familiar laugh down the hall. In the faint, ghostly scent of his cologne lingering near his locker. In the heavy, pervasive silence of your phone, which remains stubbornly, accusingly dark. He is a ghost haunting the familiar halls, a presence etched into the very air you now struggle to breathe.
You donât cry on the drive home.
Not because you donât want to, God, you do, but because crying would mean admitting you let yourself believe him. It would mean admitting you let Steve Harrington say I want to take us seriously and you didnât question it, didnât guard your heart the way you always promised you would.
So you keep your eyes on the road and your hands steady on the steering wheel, jaw clenched so tightly your teeth ache.
The radio is off. The silence feels too loud.
Every stop sign feels like it takes too long. Every red light feels like punishment. You catch yourself staring at the reflection of your own eyes in the rearview mirror and you look away immediately, like you canât stand the sight of yourself right now.
Because you look stupid. Like someone who thought theyâd finally been chosen.
Your house comes into view and you pull into the driveway too fast, tires crunching gravel. You park crooked. You donât care. The front door is there, familiar, safe, and you cling to it like itâs the only thing keeping you from shattering.
You slam the car door and march inside.
The moment the door closes behind you, the adrenaline fades, and the humiliation hits like a wave.
You drop your bag by the entryway. You donât take your shoes off properly. You kick them into a corner and head straight to your room like if you stop moving youâll break apart.
The second youâre inside, you shut the door and lock it.
Then you press your back against it, breathing hard, like you just ran a mile.
How naive could I be? It loops in your head, sharp and merciless.
You cross the room and fall onto your bed, face-down, smothering your face into the pillow before any sound can escape. You grip the fabric like itâs the only thing you can hold onto. Your chest rises and falls too fast.
You tell yourself youâre fine.
You tell yourself youâre not going to cry.
Your throat burns anyway.
Behind your closed eyes, flashes of the classroom scene replay like a cruel little film you canât turn off.
Steve leaning in.
Her hand on his arm.
His smile,
And then the way his face changed when he saw you, like he hadnât expected consequences to exist.
Like he hadnât expected you to be real.
A sharp sound cuts through your spiraling thoughts. The unmistakable screech of tires and the crunch of gravel. Your heart jumps, stupidly hopeful for half a second before it turns bitter.
No. It canât be. Another noise, louder this time. A car door slamming.
Your breath catches. You lift your head just enough to listen. Footsteps. Fast. Heavy.
Then,
BANG. BANG. BANG.
The front door rattles in its frame.
âCome on, _______!â
Steveâs voice. Strained. Breathless. Too loud. Too real.
âI-I can explain everything!â
You freeze.
Your whole body goes cold and hot at the same time, like youâve been dropped into boiling water. For a moment you canât move, canât breathe, canât even think beyond the way your heart is trying to claw its way out of your chest.
Heâs here. He came.
And the worst part, the part that makes you want to scream, is how your heart reacts like this means something. Like this is proof you mattered.
But it isnât proof of anything except that Steve Harrington hates feeling like the bad guy.
You bury your face back into the pillow harder, as if you can mute his voice through sheer willpower.
â_______!â he calls again, and it cracks on the second syllable like it hurts him. âPlease. Just open the door, just let me talk to you!â
Another bang. The door shudders.
You squeeze your eyes shut. Donât. Donât go down there. Donât give him the satisfaction of watching you fall apart.
You stare at the darkness behind your eyelids and try to breathe through the ache in your chest.
And in that darkness, your memory betrays you.
The first time he said your name softly.
It wasnât even dramatic. It was late, summer air thick and warm, you perched on the hood of his car while he fumbled with a lighter he didnât need. Heâd been talking about nothing, work, his mom, some stupid movie heâd seen, until the conversation faded naturally.
Youâd looked at him and smiled.
And heâd looked back like he forgot how to breathe.
â_______,â heâd said, barely a whisper, like he was testing the sound of it. Like he was afraid it might break if he said it too loud.
Youâd laughed and asked what.
Steve had shaken his head, swallowing hard. âNothing,â heâd mumbled, eyes fixed on your mouth. âJust⊠youâre, â
He never finished the sentence.
The banging at the door yanks you back to the present.
âPlease!â Steve shouts, voice raw now. âPlease, I swear, this isnât what you think!â
You bite down hard on the inside of your cheek to keep from making a sound.
You donât want to hear this.
You donât want him to explain, because explanations donât erase what you saw. Explanations donât erase the way your stomach dropped, the way your hope died so fast it felt like whiplash.
Explanations donât erase the fact that you believed him.
Another memory slides in, unwanted and vivid.
The first time he kissed you in his car.
It had been raining, the kind of storm that made Hawkins feel smaller, the streets slick and shining under streetlights. Heâd driven you home because your ride bailed last minute, and youâd sat in the passenger seat with your arms folded, trying to pretend your heart wasnât racing.
Steve had pulled up in your driveway and turned the engine off.
For a second, the only sound was rain ticking against the roof.
Youâd thanked him, reaching for the door handle,
And his hand had shot out, catching your wrist.
Not tight. Not controlling.
Just⊠desperate.
Youâd looked at him, confused.
Steveâs eyes had been dark, searching. His chest rose and fell like heâd been holding his breath for the entire drive.
âWait,â heâd said quietly.
âSteve -â
Heâd leaned across the center console and kissed you like heâd been starving, like heâd spent weeks thinking about it and couldnât stop himself anymore.
It wasnât gentle. Not that first kiss.
It was messy and sudden and real, his hand sliding up your arm to your shoulder, fingers curling like he was afraid youâd disappear.
When he pulled back, his forehead had rested against yours.
âSorry,â heâd breathed, even as his thumb traced your jaw. âI just, Â I couldnât, â
Youâd smiled, dazed.
And Steve had kissed you again.
Downstairs, the banging stops. The sudden silence is so abrupt it makes your ears ring. You lift your head slightly, listening, pulse pounding. For a moment, thereâs nothing. No yelling. No knocking. No Steve.
Relief loosens your shoulders before you can stop it. You sink back into the bed, exhaling shakily, your face still pressed into the pillow.
Maybe he gave up. Maybe he,
A sharp tap interrupts the thought.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Not from downstairs. From your window. Your whole body stiffens.
Slowly, like youâre moving through water, you lift your head.
There, outside your window, crouched low like a criminal in a bad movie, is Steve Harringtonâs head.
A mop of brown hair, slightly windblown, eyes wide and pleading as he peers up from the bottom of the glass.
Of course. Of course he would do this.
Because Steve has climbed through your window dozens of times before. Itâs practically muscle memory at this point. Late nights when he couldnât sleep. Long afternoons when he âjust happenedâ to be in your neighborhood. Moments when he wanted you and didnât want to ask properly.
He taps the window again, softer this time, like heâs trying not to scare you.
âPlease,â he mouths through the glass.
You stare at him, frozen.
Steve shifts awkwardly, fingers curled on the windowsill, arms trembling slightly like heâs already losing his grip. â_______,â he says when you finally crack the window open just enough to hear him, voice strained. Heâs breathing hard, hair falling into his eyes. âPlease, let me just explain.â
You donât answer.
Your throat feels sealed shut.
âPlease,â he repeats, desperation bleeding into every syllable. âLet me in, Iâm gonna fall in a second.â
Heâs not exaggerating. His foot scrapes against the side of the house, searching for purchase. The ridiculousness of it, the way he looks like a guilty cat caught in the rain, almost makes you laugh.
Almost.
But then you remember that classroom.
You remember that girlâs hand on him.
And the laughter dies before it can reach your lips.
You should let him fall. You really should. Instead, you shove the window up with a sharp movement and step back, arms crossed like armor.
Steve hauls himself inside with a clumsy grunt, landing awkwardly on your bedroom floor. He winces, rubbing his side, then immediately looks up at you like heâs afraid youâll vanish. His cheeks are flushed. His chest heaves. He looks like he ran here.
You hate that you notice. You hate that even now your body reacts to him like heâs home.
âPlease,â he says, voice raw. âI can explain everything, I, â
âExplain?â you cut in, sharp and trembling. âThere is nothing to explain.â
Steve flinches like you slapped him.
âWhat I saw was pretty obvious,â you continue, voice rising despite your efforts to keep it steady. Your throat burns with every word. âYou were in there with her. Laughing. Leaning in. And she was, â you swallow, forcing the image back down, â, touching you.â
âIt wasnât like that,â Steve says immediately, too fast, desperation making the words stumble out. âIt was just, â
âJust what?â you snap. âJust you doing what you always do? Making someone feel special when itâs convenient?â
Steveâs eyes widen. âNo, â
You laugh bitterly. âLike I know we arenât serious, â Your voice cracks and you hate that it does, hate that youâre giving him proof that youâre hurting. âAnd maybe you donât actually care about me or my feelings, but why would you lie?â
Steve goes still.
âI didnât lie,â he says, and it comes out quieter than before, like heâs trying not to scare you, like heâs trying to keep the panic in his chest from spilling everywhere. âI meant it.â
You shake your head hard, as if you can shake the memory of him saying it out of your body.
âYou said you wanted to take us seriously,â you spit, wiping at your cheek angrily even though you donât remember tears falling. âYou said it like you meant it. You kissed me like you meant it. You made me, â Your voice breaks and you have to inhale sharply through your nose. âYou made me believe you.â
Steveâs face crumples for half a second before he forces it back into something steadier. He swallows, Adamâs apple bobbing.
â_______,â he whispers, like your name hurts him.
âDonât,â you warn, backing away a step.
Steve mirrors you without thinking, stepping forward at the same time, as if the distance between you is a problem he needs to fix.
You put your hands on his chest and shove.
Hard.
Steve barely moves. Not an inch. The only thing that shifts is his expression, surprise flickering, then something softer, almost aching, when he looks down at your hands like heâs realizing how much youâre shaking.
âStop,â you say, voice thin. âJust stop coming closer.â
âIâm not trying to, â he starts, then cuts himself off, frustrated with his own inability to get it right. He drags in a breath like heâs bracing. âOkay. Okay. Iâll, Â Iâll stay here. Iâll stay.â
He stays, barely.
You can still feel him, even from a few feet away. The warmth of him. The weight of him. The way the room seems to bend around Steve Harrington like he belongs at the center of it.
You hate that you miss him even while youâre furious.
Steveâs hands lift again, palms open, pleading. âJust, just listen to me. Please.â
Your laugh comes out broken. âWhy? So you can tell me Iâm imagining things? So you can say it was nothing and Iâm overreacting?â
âNo,â Steve says quickly. âNo, Iâm not, Â Iâm not gonna do that.â
âThen what?â you demand. âWhat were you doing in that classroom with her?â
Steve squeezes his eyes shut for a second, jaw flexing, like heâs trying to hold himself together.
When he opens them, his eyes are shining.
âI was, â He swallows. âShe was crying.â
You freeze.
The answer is so⊠normal that it throws you off balance. It doesnât match the story your brain has been screaming at you all day.
âCrying?â you repeat, voice flat with disbelief.
Steve nods once, sharp. âYeah.â
You stare at him, waiting for the rest, waiting for the punchline that turns this into another excuse.
Steve takes a step forward without thinking again.
You immediately shove his chest a second time, even harder.
He still doesnât move. He just looks at you, breathing heavier now, frustration and panic and hurt twisting across his face.
âIâm serious,â he says, voice cracking on the words. âIâm not lying to you.â
âDonât say that,â you whisper, because it makes your chest ache in a way you canât afford right now. âDonât say youâre serious when I just, Â I just watched you, â
âYou watched me what?â he snaps, and then immediately regrets the sharpness, his tone softening as he takes a breath. âYou watched me comfort someone who was crying.â
You shake your head, anger flaring hot to cover the humiliation. âYou were close.â
âI was close because she was falling apart!â Steve bursts, hands clenching at his sides. He catches himself, lowers his voice like heâs afraid youâll bolt. âShe was, she was a mess, _______.â
He takes another careful breath, like heâs trying to talk to you without pushing you off a cliff.
âIt was her and Tommy,â he says, eyes locked on yours. âThey broke up. Like⊠for real this time.â
Your stomach twists.
The name lands heavy, because itâs familiar. Because it makes sense. Because youâve seen Tommy Haganâs version of love, loud, careless, humiliating. The kind that treats feelings like weaknesses.
You still donât let yourself soften.
âAnd that has what to do with you?â you ask, voice cutting.
Steveâs mouth tightens. âBecause she came to me.â
Your laugh is sharp. âOf course she did.â
He flinches at that, like youâve hit something tender.
âShe asked where Tommy was,â Steve continues, pushing through, words coming faster now like heâs terrified youâll interrupt again. âShe said he wouldnât answer her, he wouldnât even look at her, and she, â he swallows hard, eyes flickering down and back up, â, she thought he was with someone else.â
The irony makes your stomach churn.
Steveâs voice goes quieter, almost ashamed. âAnd then she started crying, like⊠ugly crying. Right there.â
You blink, caught between rage and confusion and something that feels dangerously close to guilt.
âAnd youâŠâ you start.
Steveâs hands lift slightly, helpless. âI didnât know what to do. I told her to come inside so she wouldnât⊠I donât know. So people wouldnât stare.â His throat works as he swallows again. âShe was embarrassed.â
The word slices through you because you know exactly what embarrassment feels like.
It feels like your chest being hollowed out in a hallway.
It feels like believing someone and being made a fool.
Steve takes another step forward, slower this time, like heâs approaching a wild animal.
You donât move away.
You also donât move toward him.
âYou have to believe me,â he says, voice rough. âI didnât touch her like that. I didnât, â He shakes his head hard, eyes bright. âShe grabbed my arm when she thanked me. That was it.â
Your nails dig into your palms.
The memory replays: her hand on him, Steve leaning in. Your brain tries to twist it back into betrayal because betrayal is easier than uncertainty.
âThen why didnât you find me?â you whisper, the question leaking out before you can stop it. âWhy werenât you there this morning? You said, â Your voice falters. âYou said you wanted to take us seriously.â
Steveâs whole expression shifts at that, something pained and frantic.
âI was going to,â he says immediately. âI swear I was.â
You scoff, but it sounds weak.
He shakes his head, words spilling. âI got pulled into helping Mr. Wallace with something first thing. He asked me to move equipment for the gym, then I got stopped by,- by her. And I thought Iâd see you between classes, and then I didnât, and then, â His breath stutters. âThen you saw me and you left.â
You swallow hard.
Steve steps closer again, unable to help himself.
You push him again, hands flat on his chest.
He still doesnât move, only dips his head slightly, like heâs letting you do it because you need to.
âDonât.â you whisper, voice trembling. âDonât come closer when youâre trying to convince me you didnât, â
âIâm not trying to convince you,â he cuts in, eyes fierce now, something cracking open in his voice. âIâm telling you what happened.â
âPeople always tell the truth when they get caught,â you snap, the words tasting bitter.
Steveâs face goes still.
Caught.
Like youâve reduced him to the worst version of himself. Like youâve decided heâs a liar before he can prove otherwise.
âI didnât get caught,â he says, voice low. âBecause thereâs nothing to get caught doing.â
Your chest tightens.
You want to believe him so badly it makes you angry.
âThen why did you look like that when you saw me?â you demand, voice breaking at the edges. âWhy did your face, â
Steveâs throat bobs. He looks at you like heâs trying to find the right words, like he knows one wrong sentence could destroy whatever fragile thread is still holding you here.
âBecause I knew exactly what it looked like,â he admits quietly. âAnd I knew exactly what youâd think.â
That makes your stomach twist.
âAnd you still, â you start.
âI didnât have a choice,â Steve says, and his eyes flash, frustration, fear, honesty. âShe was crying, _______. She was asking me if Tommy ever even cared about her. She was asking me if he was with someone else.â His voice cracks. âWhat was I supposed to do, tell her to shut up because my girlfriend might walk by?â
The word hits you like a slap.
Girlfriend.
You freeze.
Steve freezes too, like he didnât mean to say it out loud. Like it slipped out because itâs what heâs been thinking.
You stare at him, breath caught somewhere between your lungs and your throat.
Steveâs eyes widen slightly. His cheeks flush faintly, and for a moment he looks almost⊠embarrassed.
But he doesnât take it back.
He swallows hard and steps closer again, like he canât stay away from you even when youâre angry.
âIâm sorry,â he says, softer. âIâm sorry you had to see that. Iâm sorry I wasnât there this morning.â His voice drops, pleading. âBut donât, donât do this thing where you decide you already know the worst about me.â
Your hands tremble against his chest.
You push him again, one last time, more out of desperation than anger.
Steve finally moves a fraction, but only because he lets himself.
He doesnât step back. He steps in.
Until you can smell him.
His cologne wraps around you, familiar and cruel because it smells like nights you wanted to pretend meant nothing. It smells like his car. Like safety. Like Steve.
Your breath catches.
Steveâs voice turns low, steady, dangerous in the way honesty can be when itâs stripped bare.
âThatâs the truth,â he says. âAll of it.â
You open your mouth to respond.
Nothing comes out.
Because heâs close enough now that you can feel his breath on your skin, steady but heavy, and his hair brushes your forehead when he dips his head just slightly.
He still doesnât touch you.
Not really.
He keeps his hands at his sides like heâs forcing himself not to grab you, not to hold you, not to do the thing he always does to distract you from your anger.
Instead, he lets his words do it.
âItâs only you,â he whispers.
Your fists unclench instantly, betraying you.
Your entire body reacts like it recognizes the truth before your brain does.
Steve watches it happen, your shoulders dropping a fraction, the tension shifting, and his breath shudders like heâs been holding it.
âItâs only ever been you,â he repeats, quieter now, like heâs saying it to convince you and himself at the same time.
Your throat tightens painfully.
Because the worst part is: you want to believe him.
Youâve wanted to believe him from the moment you saw him at the bottom of your window.
Steve tilts his head, eyes searching your face like heâs reading every micro-expression, every flicker of doubt.
âOkay?â he asks, voice barely audible.
You donât answer.
He doesnât move. Doesnât reach for you. Doesnât push.
He just stays close, like heâs giving you the space to choose.
âOkay?â he repeats, a little more desperate now, like the word matters more than oxygen.
You exhale shakily.
Your shoulders relax despite yourself, and you shake your head, a bitter little laugh escaping as your eyes sting.
âI hate you,â you whisper.
But thereâs a tiny smile creeping at the corner of your mouth, traitorous and soft.
Steveâs face breaks open with relief so intense it almost looks like pain.
His arms wrap around you instantly, like the second you give him permission, he canât hold back anymore. He pulls you into his chest, burying you against him like heâs been starving for it all day.
The warmth of him hits you like a wave.
You should push him away.
You donât.
Steve exhales, shaky, into your hair. His hands spread across your back like heâs anchoring you.
âI meant everything I said,â he murmurs, voice thick. âEvery word. Iâm not, â He swallows hard, arms tightening. âIâm not playing with you.â
Your face presses into his shirt, and your fingers curl into the fabric without thinking.
Steveâs cheek rests against the top of your head, and you feel the tremor in his breath.
âNext time,â he whispers, voice rough with emotion, ânext time you think Iâm lying, donât run. Yell at me, hit me, slam a door in my face, I donât care, just donât disappear on me like that.â
Your chest aches at the way he says disappear, like losing you is a real fear.
You swallow hard. âYou scared me,â you mumble into his shirt, voice muffled.
Steveâs arms tighten again. âI know.â His voice breaks. âIâm sorry. I swear Iâm sorry.â
You stay like that for a moment, breathing each other in, the quiet finally settling.
Then Steve pulls back just enough to look at you, hands still on your arms, thumbs brushing lightly like he canât stop touching you now that youâve let him.
His eyes search yours again, softer this time.
âI want to do this right,â he says. âI want to be⊠what I said. For you.â
You blink fast, trying to keep your voice steady. âThen donât make me feel stupid for believing you.â
He lifts his hands slowly, giving you time to pull away if you want to. When you donât, his fingers come to rest at your waist, thumbs brushing lightly like heâs grounding himself.
Steve leans down just enough that you have to tilt your head up to meet his gaze.
And there they are.
The stupid, unfair puppy-dog eyes.
Soft. Open. Earnest in a way that makes your heart ache. He looks at you like youâre something precious heâs terrified of breaking, like heâs already decided youâre worth every risk heâs ever been afraid to take.
His hand slides up, warm and careful, until it cups your cheek. His thumb brushes just beneath your eye, feather-light, like heâs checking youâre really here.
âLet me make it up to you,â he whispers.
The words are barely there, breathed more than spoken, and they land directly against your lips. You donât get the chance to respond.
Steve leans in slowly, giving you time to stop him even now. When you donât, his mouth brushes yours in a kiss thatâs gentle and reverent, like an apology wrapped in promise.
Itâs soft at first. Just a press of lips. A quiet Iâm here.
His other hand comes up to cradle your face, thumbs resting along your jaw like he never wants to let go again. The kiss deepens just slightly, careful and unhurried, like heâs memorizing the way you feel when youâre not angry, when youâre not pulling away.
When he pulls back, his forehead rests against yours.
His eyes stay closed for a second, like heâs savoring the moment. Like heâs relieved. Like he knows he almost lost you.
âIâve got you,â he murmurs, voice low and steady. âOkay?â
This time, when you nod, thereâs no hesitation.
And Steve smiles, small and soft and real, before kissing you again.
SO HIGH SCHOOL MASTERLIST
steve harrington x fem!reader
summary: youâre jonathan byersâs best friend. you live in hawkins, indiana, and you know everyone in the small town. you work two jobs to help your mom with bills while also managing to be the top of your classes. everything is normal until the day will byers goes missing, and the world as you know it is flipped upside down. and because of that, you form an unlikely friendship with the âkingâ of your high school, steve harrington.
tags/warnings: steve harrington x fem!reader, use of y/n, mostly canon-compliant reader insert (maybe a few minor changes here or there), swearing, fluff, angst, eventual smut, slow burn, enemies to friends to ??? to lovers, seasons 1-5, mentions of child abandonment/neglect, mentions of dead parents, minor eddie munson x fem!reader, reader lowkey has attachment/abandonment issues, minor miscommunication, i hate murray bauman, writing might be shit idk.
masterlist !
wattpad link , ao3 link
â
PART ONE â tell me âbout the first time you saw me
chapter one
chapter two
chapter three
PART TWO â you know how to ball, i know aristotle
PART THREE â are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me?
PART FOUR â i want to find you in a crowd just to hide from you
PART FIVE â no oneâs ever had me, not like you
EPILOGUE â you knew what you wanted and, boy, you got her
â
a/n: this series was originally posted on wattpad on christmas 2025, and iâm writing the last few chapters right now so i thought this was the best time to start posting it on here + ao3! idk i hope you guys like it. and don't worry, this series is basically completely written so i will still be focusing on writing other fics while posting this! more spidey steve is coming i promise you all.
mini series on reader and gator as ex high school sweethearts bc what if qb gator dated a pageant princess in hs // loose inspo from the movie drop dead gorgeous // !mdni! // any and all comments, reblogs, and likes are appreciated <3 xx //
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
reader x gator playlist (compiled of some of my absolute favorite songs about young love, angst, self-loathing, unrequited feelings, regret, heartbreak, and moving on) :
Ranting About Stuff @deeplightblue - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag