Dear Dollie | Part thirty five
Gators loves his family okay, he’s a little softer than I’ve ever wrote him before with miss?
Gator couldn't sleep, Maybe it was the thought racing through his mind about Dollie getting mad at him today. Throwing? Shed never done anything like that before, Always sweet and kind especially to him. Bad language? He knew she'd slip up with something eventually living round him but the context she used it in turned his stomach.
Maybe it was the thought of Teddy sleeping alone at home for the first night, No nurses or monitors watching over him. Teddy. Teddy Tillman. He needed to talk to you about that tomorrow. The room was silent and he was sure he could hear him breathing, Why didn't he put the crib on his side of the bed? It was so hard to hear him from here.
Or it could have been the fact that Tara turned up tonight, Why would she do that? Why would she risk blowing everything up like that? She's meant to love you. He needed to talk to you about that tomorrow too, Tell you everything that happened while you were gone.
Gator rolled over towards you, Finally back home, Finally back in his bed. He traced a finger down your nose softly not to wake you, Lump in his throat back as he looked at how peaceful you were. Mind quickly flashing back to the image of you bleeding in the bed, The bed he'd got rid of the day after so the memories never remained. He was glad you chose to stay, You wouldn't have had a choice really.
Teddy started to get restless in his crib, Little feet kicking up into the air as he started to cry. Your eyes flickered open and gator quickly stroked your cheek before rolling out of the bed.
"Sh sh shhhhh" He whispered as he looked down at the tiny boy, Heart fluttering in his chest as he smiled "Yer ok, Daddies here" Scooping him up into his arms heading towards the door with him.
"Gator? Do you need me?" You asked as you pushed yourself up onto your elbows, rubbing at your sleepy eyes.
"I got him, mama" Gator smiled before closing the door behind him, Walking down the stairs holding Teddy carefully against his chest.
Gator turned to the sound of little footsteps behind him as he reached the bottom of the stairs, Dollie following him down holding her hand out towards him.
"S'late baby" Gator whispered as he held onto her hand, Guiding her into the kitchen with them. "Wanna help make him a bottle?"
"Yes!" Dollie grinned as she jumped up and down on the spot, Gator winced at how excited she was already at the early hours of the morning.
"cmon then" Gator smiled as he placed Teddy down in the bouncer chair, Picking Dollie up and putting her on the side next to where the chair was balancing.
"Hes still crying daddy" Dollie pouted as she touched his little hand with her own "Hes sad"
"Hes hungry Dollie girl" Gator smiled as he grabbed the formula pushing it towards her "Put tha scoops in, Ya remember how many?"
"Yes!" Dollie smiled as she perfectly scooped out the right amount before Gator filled the water.
"Ya gotta shake it up real good now, baby" Gator smiled as he screwed the top onto the bottle, passing it over to her.
"Like this?" Dollie asked as she started shaking the bottle with both hands, Brows furrowed in concentration.
"Shakin tha shit outta that doll" Gator laughed as he pulled the bottle from her grip, Lifting her down onto the floor "Wanna help feed him?"
"Yes yes yes!" Dollie squealed as Gator lifted Teddy from his seat, walking into the front room with him Dollie following behind.
Gator sat down on the sofa cradling teddy, Dollie sat next to him with wide eyes.
"How do we feed him daddy?"
"I'll show ya, come here" Gator patted his lap and Dollie climbed straight into the spot, He lifted teddy over her head to rest him against her lap still in his arms. Dollie smiled as she watched him chew on his fists, Face turning red as he waited eagerly.
"Take tha lid off tha bottle an stick it in" Gator said, Dollie grabbed the bottle and did exactly that.
"He likes it!" She giggles as teddy takes the bottle, Eyes wide as he looked up towards the two of them.
You walked down the stairs after the first full nights sleep you'd managed to get in weeks, House silent as you walked into the front room. Your heart fluttered in your chest as you looked at the sofa, Gator with the baby in one arm and his other looped around Dollie whose head was resting against his chest. All three of them sleeping peacefully, Bottles scattered around the room and nappies bagged up by the table. You quickly pull out your phone to take a photo of the three of them before picking up all of the nappies walking them to the bin.
Collecting the bottles next taking them to the sink to start washing them up, Gators eyes flickered open at the sound of you dropping the bottles, Carefully placing Teddy down into his sleep pod as he shuffled free from Dollies grip.
"Mornin mama" His voice was raspy, hands warm as they wrapped around you from behind.
"Morning" You smiled, Drying your hands off before turning in his grip to face him "You didnt wake me up"
"Thought ya needed ya beauty sleep" Gator smiled placing a kiss to the top of your head.
"Gator Tillman! Are you calling me ugly?" You teased biting down on your bottom lip and right in that moment Gator got butterflies like a teenager.
"Mmm maybe" He teased "Jus in tha mornins though"
You laughed slapping his chest before his hand moved up to your face, big eyes meeting yours.
"Yer the most beautiful woman ive ever met" He whispered "Do things ta me no one ever has"
"Hmm" You hummed letting your nose brush against his, Warm breath hitting your lips "Not too bad yourself, Tillman"
Gator smirked, Looping his hands under your arms to lift you up onto the counter. Settling in-between your thighs.
"Yeah? God ive missed ya" Gator groaned as he kissed your lips, Softly at first testing if you'd let him "Jus wanna kiss ya all day" He scoffed cringing at his words before going back in, One hand resting at the back of your neck to hold you in place as he kissed you.
"Me too" You smile against his lips, Opening slightly to let his tongue in. "Tha right?" Gator asked biting your bottom lip softly before his lips were against yours again, hands moving down to your hips as he pulled you closer to him.
"Daddy?" Dollie called from behind you both, Gators grip loosening on you as he pulled away from you with wide eyes.
"Yeah,baby?" He replied not turning round to face her as a red flush appeared across his cheeks.
"Can we go see star?" Dollie asked rubbing her eyes to try and wake up some more.
"Y-yeah, Go get ready baby" Gator replied keeping his eyes on you, Listening to the sound of foot steps getting further away. "She's like a fuckin ninja" Gator smirked before moving his hand to the back of your head pulling you back towards him. Soft sounds falling from him as he kissed you, other hand resting against your cheek.
"Youre very loving today" You smiled pulling away from his kiss, Gators brows furrowed like it pained him to be away from you.
"Told ya, Yer gonna get sick of me" He smiled before kissing your cheek softly "Oh, I was talkin ta Doll last night an she wants to name tha baby Teddy"
"Dollie and Teddy?" Your eyebrows raised as you looked at him, Gator nodded slowly "I love it"
"Me too" Gator grinned letting his forehead rest against yours "Teddy Tillman"
"Hmm, Its pretty" You smiled.
"Yer pretty" Gator smiled "Ya gonna be okay if I take her ta see star?"
Dollie noticed the gift bag by the front door as she walked down the stairs, Picking it up and opening it grinning as she pulled out the box.
"Present!" She giggled sitting down to look at it.
"Of course, We cant let her feel..I dont know left out, like things are different" you replied smiling dropping down off the side, Wincing in pain.
"Shit, Yer okay mama" Gator wrapped his arm around you to help you balance. “Still sore?”
"Candy! Is this candy daddy?" Dollie asked as she looked down at the box, Gator guided you back towards the sofa. "Daddy??"
"One minute Dollie girl" Gator replied, Helping you sit down before going back to the kitchen to get your drink.
Dollie walked into the living room with the box in her hand, Holding it up in the air as Gator walked back into the room. You turned your head to look at him, Confussed look on his face.
"Doll? Give that ta daddy" Gator stepped forward holding his hand out, Dollie shook her head putting them behind her back.
"Gator?" You turned to look at him, Eyebrows raised "Jumping the gun a little, I have to have a six week check first"
"Aint mine" Gator mumbled as he leaned over the top of Dollie trying to grab the box from her "Doll, Give them me they aint candy"
"Whose are they then?" You asked heart racing in your chest as you watched him fight the tiny girl for the box of condoms that definitely weren't yours.
"Doll, Where did ya find these?" Gator asked as he finally grabbed the box from her "Shhhh"
Dollie screamed as she tried to grab the box back from him, Waking up Teddy who joined in with the screaming. You got up from the sofa walking to the kitchen to start prepping a bottle, wanting to know where the fuck Dollie had found those but also needing to be a mom. Gator calmed Dollie down whilst trying to soothe teddy at the same time, Looking down at the box, Post it note stuck to the back.
For when you finally stop playing games x
"Doll? where did ya get these?" Gator asked again, Heart thumping in his chest. Dollie ran over to the now empty gift bag, picking it up and bringing it to Gator.
"Here daddy" Dollie sighed "I really wanted to eat the candy" She pouted, Gator exhaled kissing the top of her head softly.
"I'll get ya some later, baby. Breakfast first"
You passed Gator the bottle before sitting down next to him, Nerves shot as you waited for an explanation.
"They was in the gift off tara" Gator looked down at Teddy, Worried how you’d react and not really having an explanation for you.
You scoffed before relaxing back against the sofa, Relief washing over you.
"She thinks she so funny" You sigh.
Gator turns to look at you, Eyebrows raised like he was surprised at your reaction.
"Yeah" You smiled "She clearly joking about us having no more kids"
Gator nodded before turning back towards Teddy, Post it note tucked securely in his pocket.
"She was - She was round a lot while ya was in tha hospital" Gator mumbled, You looked over at him.
"She was?" Your tone was light, like nothing was wrong about what he said. It turned his stomach.
"Yeah, Helped with Doll. Here everyday" Gator turned to face you and there was something in his eyes that made you feel uneasy, His eyes were searching yours for something but you didnt know what.
"She's good like that" You smile, Resting your hand against his cheek. Gators eyes fluttered shut, Melting into your touch "Everyday? I bet you got sick of her" You teased.
"Nah, she was good..She helped me move everythin, Helped set it all up ready fer ya"
"She's such a blessing" You sighed resting your head against Gators shoulder, Looking down at Teddy who had fallen asleep on the bottle. "I dont know what I did to deserve her"
Gators jaw tensed as he placed a kiss to the top of your head, Heart beating rapidly in his chest. The first time in a long time everything felt right, Tara could destroy that. How was he meant to get her out of the picture when you loved her so much? Did he want her out of the picture that bad that he'd risk bringing trouble to your lives again? No, But he needed to do something and he needed to do it quickly before everything he'd built came crashing down around him.
"She's.." Gator sighed as he looked down at you, placing a kiss to the top of your head again "She's very friendly"
You pulled your head up to look at him, Brows furrowed but a smile on your face.
"Yeah?" You stroke your hand over teddy's head softly "It can make people feel a little uncomfortable sometimes but she's just REALLY friendly" You grinned.
"I got your present" You smirked as you stepped out of the way so Tara could come inside, Tara laughed wrapping her arms around you.
"So good to have you home! I've missed you"
"I've missed you! Gator said you've been a big help" You keep one of your arms wrapped around her as you walk towards the sofa together "So I guess I should say thanks"
"You dont have to thank me!" Tara smiled sitting down next to you, Stroking her hand over Teddy's head in his bouncer chair sleeping peacefully. "But I do need to talk to you"
"Go on" Your stomach turned as you looked at her, She didnt look like she was about to drop earth shattering news but lately you'd learnt to expect the un expected.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" Your eyebrows furrowed as you looked at her, This is the happiest you'd felt in a long time.
"Being here with him, You know the baby isn't a plaster right?"
"What? Where is this coming from?" your heart physically hurt, Yeah Tara always told you straight and kept you on the right track but this time you couldn't understand.
"You remember everything he did right? What if he leaves you AND the baby next time?"
"Did you think he'd do it the first time?"
You sat in silence for a moment, Staring at each other as the tension in the air settled around you.
"Hes changed" You exhaled after a moment "Hes been so..loving, since we've been home"
"Oh I bet he has!" Tara scoffed looking up at you, For the first time in your friendship you couldn't recognise her expression.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means you need to wise up! You forgive and forget way too easily and that man" Tara pointed towards the front door eyes wide "Hes not a good man"
"What? Im not here to sugar coat things like everyone else in your life will, Im honest with you. Its for the best, Have you gave up your apartment yet?"
"Then pack your shit, Get out of here before he has chance to do it again"
You looked at her, Really looked at her noticing something in her eyes you weren't used too. She was giving out all of these demands and saying all of these things but her eyes looked dead. The warmth you were so used to seeing in them wasn't there anymore.
"No" Taras jaw tensed, Maybe it was because she wasn't used to you ever doing anything other than what she told you to do or maybe it was something else. "Oh, That joke, it wasn't funny. Dollie found them"
"Well maybe Gator should have put the gift somewhere away from children"
"He didnt know you'd gifted us a box of condoms!" You snap, Eyes wide as you look at her. Tara scoffed shaking her head at you.
"You always have an excuse for him" She sighed, slapping her hands down against her thighs like she was about to announce she was leaving.
"Its not an excuse Tara, The bag was sealed.."
"I gave it to HIM, why dint HE open it?" Tara spat out, Rolling her eyes as she looked away from you.
"Because you're my best friend, He thought you'd be sending something for me"
Tara's expression softened as she looked at you, Guilty look on her face.
"Im sorry" She rested her hand against yours, smiling softly "And for the note, It was..wrong of me"
"Good job baby!" Gator grinned down at Dollie who was filling up Stars food after spending the last hour helping him clean out the stables.
"Thank you daddy!" Dollie giggled holding her arms up at him as she finished, Gator lifted her up into his arms pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Aunt Tara!" Dollie squealed over Gators shoulder making his stomach turn.
"Hey Doll!" Tara beamed walking over to them both, Standing closer than Gator liked "I've missed you!"
"Ive missed you too, Daddy can Tara stay again?" Dollie placed her hands against Gators cheeks forcing him to look at her.
"No doll, Mamas back now we dont need tha help"
"But I like it when Tara reads me bedtime stories" Dollie pouted, Gator exhaled placing a kiss to her nose making her face scrunch up.
"Go get cleaned up, Bet dinner ready soon" Gator said as he placed her back down, Dollie ran to give Tara a hug before running out of the stables.
He stared at Tara, Silence in the stables as she smirked up at him.
"Why?" Tara pouted as she looked at him "She's out of action for six weeks Gator, Add that to the month she was in hospital. I bet you're desperate"
Gator stared at her, Heart racing in his chest. Tara could see the hesitation in him, She knew she was right. He was desperate for something, just not from her.
"Not interested" He scoffed before turning to Star, Locking the door on her stall.
"Youre not? Why doesn't she know about the note then?" Gators head snapped round to look at her, Jaw tensing.
"Cause didnt want her ta know her best friends a fuckin whore" He hissed bending down into her space "If she didnt love ya so much you'd have been gone by now"
"That a threat?" Tara bit down on her lip, Placing her hand against his chest "Cause it sure felt like one"
Gator stared down at her, Tara didnt budge. Holding his eye contact as she smiled softly.
"I could kiss you right now you're that close" She whispered looking into his eyes, Gator took a step back shaking his head. "Just like that night, Do you remember that?" Tara asked stepping forward "I remember it, Fuck I cant stop thinking about it"
Gator closed his eyes running a hand through his hair before turning back to her, Stepping into her space.
"Not how I remember it happenin, Yer fuckin deluded"
"You needed someone to lean on, I was that person"
"My life was turnin upside down!" Gator shouted making Tara jump as she stepped back "Fuck! Everythin was fallin apart!"
"I know! She's my best friend remember!"
"Then fuckin act like it! Stop all this shit" Gator spat but his eyes were wild, Conflicted between telling you everything and keeping it hidden so you wouldn’t end up hurt.
"Its not shit Gator, I feel it and so do you and the sooner you accept that the sooner we can just" Tara sighed "Be together"
Gator laughed, Shaking his head as he turned away from her once again.
"Aint ever happenin, Have ya forgot ya have a husband at home?"
"He doesn't care Gator why do you think im in this situation, If he was loving me right I wouldn't be here chasing my best friends..What even are you?"
"No you're not" Tara scoffed "You cant commit Gator, Lucky for you I dont need commitment I just need to feel something" She stepped closer again "That's why were so similar"
"M'nothin like you, I love her an I wont betray her. That's where were different"
Gator stared at her, Anger bubbling away in his chest, Fuck he wasn't his dad. He'd worked so hard not to be his dad but it was taking everything in him right now not to swing for the bitch.
"Im grateful fer everythin ya did fer us, but that's all it ever was" Gator mumbled as he looked at her "An ya need ta accept that"
"I can't" Tara shook her head, Tears forming in her eyes "Spending that time with you, I actually saw everything she see's in you. You're a good man Gator"
Gator stared at her, Not used to hearing words like this from people. Stomach turning that those words were coming from the person he loves best friend.
"You're kind, Soft, Everything I want" Tara whispered "Im not giving up"
“Tara? You’re still here?”
Okay so I did end up having to split it into two anyway because it was almost 7k words and im sorry NO ONE has time to read that and this seemed the best place to separate it 🤣 LOVE u x p.s I havent proof read this so im sorry if things dont make sense ya girls shattered x
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