The Face-Burned Tavern Wench of Rantsville

"Romantic Comedies are my horror movies" I'm Heidi... That's all you really need to know, I think.

[deeplus]

You're damned right, Duo! Now, make the voices in my head to stop reminding me of them!

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I fell asleep earlier today and slept a bit too much. Now that I'm trying to sleep for real - I'm struggling.

That's okay. In the past, I would be able to listen to a meditation video and be good. So that's what I did. Of course, I chose a spiritual guide meditation because why not? But tonight, I'd keep half waking up/paying attention to the video.

"Tell your guide you mean it no harm. Ask it its name..."

G - Grant.

At some point, SZA's Kill Bill starts bouncing in my head...

Again, back in and out of consciousness, but I was able to hear that the video was about to wrap up. It had the last few minutes or so of just music. Then I hear buzzing voice saying things I can't quite understand, I open my eyes to see the ceiling of my room, but it's like I've turned sideways than usual and my phone's light is on. I get the feeling of "the call is coming from inside the house" - even hear it in my head.

I might kill my ex/ Not the best idea...

I'm awake. I turn on the light. 2:56am.

I don't know what the fuck is going on with Jake, but apparently it's messing with my subconscious enough. Is this a hex/curse? Is this just my brain screwing with me? Beginnings of sleep paralysis? Is this just a new form of a nightmare?

I'm not tired anymore tonight.

WTF, Grant???

[deeplus]

Send this to your situationship #funny #shorts #comedy #standupcomedy #dating #relationship

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A neighbor just approached me and, after confirming I was walking my cat, told me that he had always wondered why don't people walk their cats. "And then I saw you!"

Chadwick and I: Making People's Dreams Come True, baybeh!!!

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H: I think I'm having a manic episode.

Therapist: Why do you think that?

H: Well, I'm talking a mile a minute and overall just... faster. Either it's a manic episode or my meds aren't working. I wasn't ever officially diagnosed with Bipolar - I also haven't officially been diagnosed with ADHD...

Therapist: (nodding) You have ADHD. You totally have ADHD.

H: Woohoo!

Therapist: And everything (psychiatrist) has been prescribing to you is specifically for people with Bipolar Disorder, so... 💁🏻‍♂️

[deeplus]

Hi, Gene

I think my dad talks to me through music.

Okay, maybe not TALK, but he lets me know he's there. It gives me a moment to pause, smile, and remember him. I get a chance to say hi. Be it paranormal or just my synapses, for a brief moment, I get to be with my late father.

Tonight, I got a song from Gene.

It's a song he used in Reefer Madness. It was a different version, but it was the song.

When I get low, I get high

[deeplus]

I love how I'm spending Friday the 13th drinking Marilyn Manson Absinthe, lighting Green Fairy incense, and snuggling my black cat.

[deeplus]

Shout out to the homeless man that took a chance to ask me for money while I was having a meltdown in my car outside of the minute clinic that couldn't help me.

I told him it was a horrible time.

He asked if I was okay.

I told him no. Have a great rest of YOUR day. And rolled up my window.

He chose to shout that he hopes it gets better to my closed window as I sobbed in pain trying to find SOME PLACE that would help take care of me.

[deeplus]

Happy Father’s Day

Does anyone else feel listless on Father’s day? Like, I didn’t know what to do with myself. But this was the first time I didn’t have plans to even be with my mom - which was usual because I was living with her at the time. Now that I’m on my own... No Mom, Jackson works, and obviously... No Dad. 

It hurts again. It’s been 10 years and it hurts still. 

I sit in my condo that he would have NEVER let me buy, with a cat that he would have absolutely adored; Typing on his laptop, waiting for my boyfriend (Whom he has never met) to come home. A little high - just like he’d want to be. Drinking - It’s Sunday, dammit! And missing him like crazy. 

The condo needs fixing. And it’s stuff that a dad would absolutely help out with. Staining the deck? Fixing the grill? Figuring out what’s wrong with the damned dishwasher?!

Last Father’s day my father was alive, I wrote a post thanking him for everything. How sad it is to now know that would be the last he would teach me. The things I need to learn to be a complete adult. The shit only a dad would be able to teach you.  I don’t get that. I have to borrow that from somebody else’s dad.  

I miss him. 

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“Darling you deserve it all. Love and peace and joy dancing in your eyes. Hearty deep belly laughter, and the right to let those tears fall and water the soil. You deserve freedom, and goodness, and company, and days of bliss and quiet. You deserve happy, and healed, and content, and safe. So keep going. Go, realize into being the life you deserve.”

— unknown

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Will You Still Love Me When I'm No Longer Young and Beautiful?

When I dated Cameron, I asked him to not be a waste of my time. After breaking up with him, I often considered him to be exactly that: a waste of my good (young) years.

He was a lesson. I'm still working on learning it.

Jake? Jake, I'm BEGGING him to not be another waste of my time because, according to society, I don't have too many "good" years left. For dating, I won't have options of people similar to me; in their 30s, never married, no kids... I'm setting myself up to be a step-mom if anything. Unless Jake chooses to stay and remain with me. But even then, we have to make decisions quickly or else I'm considered too old to be a mother. I hate having that for him... or myself for that matter.

This goes through my head more often than I would like to admit.

[surqrised]

“You’re always haunted by the idea you’re wasting your life.”

— Chuck Palahniuk, Diary

[deeplus]

I Hate This Job

I don’t connect with it. 

Yesterday, a tech from my last job called me and we genuinely had just a nice conversation. J thinks he was drunk - he probably was, based off the conversation, but it reminded me how much fun I used to have at work. I was able to talk to people on the phone. I was able to be a person. I can’t do that here and I hate it. 

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Last Employer is Hiring Again

But I have to be at this job for a reason, right? 

...Right?

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"YOU KNOW WHAT?! THE SILVER SURFER DIDN'T HAVE SCOLIOSIS, SO HE CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF!!" -

Jake in response to an action figure being able to touch its toes

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Job Hunt

This is a level of hell. 

You think you’re qualified for every job, but no one thinks you are. The only jobs you can get, are offering below living wage - and they think they are doing you a favor by offering it to you. 

How the fuck is anyone supposed to thrive in this sort of environment?!

[deeplus]

I feel so... judged... right now.