DEAR READER
Not today Justin

⁂

JVL
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trying on a metaphor
Sade Olutola
will byers stan first human second
Xuebing Du
Stranger Things
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
wallacepolsom
occasionally subtle

Janaina Medeiros
Misplaced Lens Cap

if i look back, i am lost
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
noise dept.

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sheepfilms
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@defiantdonut
there is a lot of unintentional humor created by the fact that the characters in “Dracula” do not know that they are characters in “Dracula.”
“The people in the village are warning me about a local legend called a ‘vampire’. How quaint. When I meet Count Dracula I shall have to ask him if he knows more about this peculiar superstition.”
“I never drink…. Wine…”
Some guy in 1893 reading Dracula for the first time: Huh.. What a strange fellow…why doesn’t he drink wine?
Me, reading in a time where Dracula is the most instantly recognizable villain in pop culture: LOL HE SURE DONT
my favourite genre of tumblr posts? well,
hellsite (affectionate)
I heard you talking somewhere, Zendaya, how your height difference makes stunts more complicated.
Thank you, Graham.
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Missed it by………..ONE POINT FOUR PERCENT (1.4%)
Scotland once again getting hammered for…setting ambitious renewable targets.
Like the time we got hammered for missing our tree planting target - only achieving 90% of it in the first year of the pandemic.
But we still planted 10,800 hectares of trees.
“Sorry we missed our exceptionally high tree-planting target, the global pandemic that’s devastated every corner of the world got in the way
Scotland is one of the coolest places I’ve visited. Real-est people on the planet.
Still waiting…
Listen all u internet goers……. I know everyone has some wild catfish stories and I need to know them
okay so for legal reasons this is all a very funny joke and none of it is real I promise
basically there’s a property listing floating out there somewhere online that lists my phone number as a contact for the owner of a house in a suburb of [redacted], ohio, even though that is a town I have never lived in. about two years ago, I started getting calls and texts from people who were asking if I was interested in selling the property. when I told them no and they had the wrong number, the amount of calls increased, and I had to block their numbers.
since then, once about every 3 months I get a call or text from people wanting to buy this house in ohio as they think I’m the owner. I got fed up at one point and just started replying “yeah I might be interested in selling, but the property I have is haunted. like super haunted. lots of ghosts everywhere, so you’ll have to get rid of those before putting it on the market.” to my delight, they stopped replying after that, so I now do that when I get these messages.
the last time it happened was actually just a few weeks ago, and the guy texting me on behalf of this house flipping operation actually offered to pay for an exorcism. I replied by telling him I was pretty sure the ghosts were protestant, so if he brought a priest in it had better not be catholic. he has yet to reply.
You are having literally the funniest possible reaction to an infuriating scam
listen the only way to beat a scam like that is to give them a reaction that is just way more bizarre than whatever they started with. crank the bonkers energy up to an 11 and they’ll leave you alone
follow your dreams
Holy shite
No he didn’t
You won’t regret unmuting this.
OH my god
This makes that so much funnier because it can be hard to laugh when someone could die
sorry but if your bed isn’t against at least one wall you’re not valid
I used to think this post was stupid because most people like both sides of the bed free but then I realized some psychopaths put their bed like this so not even the headboard is against a wall and this post is about these animals.
A single person’s bed is generally against 2 walls, a couple’s bed is generally against 1 wall, and people with 0 walls have no fear of the dark/unseen with direct access to their head, and therefore cannot be human.
ok the bed just out in the middle of the room is bad but have you considered: only the footboard end against a wall
no i hadn’t. why would you put that image into my head?
Okay, but how is this
I’m at a loss for words
This was the bed of Thomas Jefferson.
STay out of my study unless you intend to have sex with me
BACK UP, YOU CANT JUST CHANGE THE SUBJECT TO THOMAS’ FUNKY BED SET UP AFTER JUST LOSS-ING TUMBLR LIKE THAT
So you’ve got this bitch-ass fitted sheet that you would normally pile into a ball and shove into a closet so you won’t have to deal with it, yeah? Well. Quit acting like a piece of linen is better than you are. You can make a fitted sheet bend to your will. And here’s how…
First, put your sheet on the floor. Stand above it for a few seconds so it knows who’s boss.
Then, put your hand in the lower left corner so that it’s inside out. Do the same to the lower right corner.
Now, your lower left and right corners of the fitted sheet should be inside out. (Shoutout to Amy Poehler, love your work).
Then, take the lower left corner (that’s still inside out) and tuck it into the upper left corner. It should look like the picture above once you’re done. Then, do the same with your right corners.
It should look something like that. Right now, she’s your friend at the end of a good night out. Doesn’t look really bad, but you know she deserves better.
Pull at the corners until you get something like this shape, as it makes it easier to fold. You’ve given your friend some plain white bread and a glass of water. She’s looking much more presentable now.
Now, pull in at the elastic until you make a rectangle. You’ll want to tuck and smooth the excess fabric away from the elastic seams and towards the closed edge of the fitted sheet.
Once you’ve got a (semi) neat rectangle, fold the the top of the sheet down about a third of the way through. I like to fold the upper part of the sheet down first, because it’s not as straight of an edge as the bottom. You can find your own meaning within that description.
Now, fold the lower portion of the sheet on top of the part you’ve already folded down.
Fold the left side of the sheet into the middle, and then fold the right side of the sheet on top of what you just folded.
Congratulations. You just made a fitted sheet your bitch.
No but really, this has been the most complete and informative description of how to fold a fitted sheet I’ve ever seen. Very few that I’ve seen show the “bread and water” step.
Idk about this one boys, Cookie Monster always refers to Cookie Monster's self as "Cookie Monster".
no he doesn’t. he refers to himself as “me.” elmo’s the one that talks in third person. that’s the joke. elmo doesn’t use pronouns and cookie monster is blue. how dare you assume i made this post and didnt know my fucking sesame street history. christ
This is a great summary of it. Anytime somebody brags about donating to charity ask them if they ever attempted to make sure charity wouldn't be needed?
It makes me so, so angry when I see those posts that are like "HORRIFYING EARLY PLASTIC SURGERY RESULTS FROM WW2," because all of those lists are full of images that aren't the final result and are used for pure shock value. Harold Gillies, who performed most of those surgeries, was an incredibly talented surgeon. Here are some images of the full results of his surgeries.
I need to emphasize that I can't post the "before" pictures that go with these because the men did not have faces. The injuries were so extensive that these men were missing nearly all of their facial features, and through cutting-edge techniques that "looked scary" at the time (e.g. extensive skin grafts), Gillies saved these men from a medical nightmare.
Gillies performed the world's first ftm bottom surgery for trans man Michael Dillon and pioneered mtf bottom surgery! Respect his legacy.
What is happening on twitter? 😆
i can’t get in lifts with people because i have a sort of phobia of breathing in people’s breath
and when i got asked what was wrong by my law teacher (she thought i looked ill)
I had to fucking reply “I prefer people when they’re not breathing”