Hush, don’t say a word. Stay silent. It isn’t worth mentioning it. You are just overreacting. Don’t chew, just swallow it, and move on. It will stop, eventually…
I never thought I would ever need to write a post like this. I’m not the kind of person who enjoys standing out or talking about what’s bothering me. Yet here I am.
I’m doing this publicly because as of today, March 30th, 2022 I’m blocked by Xeno (also known as xenolith1245) since the end of last year, so I have no other way to talk to her, and also because I truly believe there are others out there who experienced similar things, and I want them to know: you are not alone, and you don’t need to stay silent.
This post is mainly about how Xeno decided to kick me out of her server without any valid reason and also to defend and support my friend, Kelsey (link to her story), who has been bullied and received death threats from a person, who is suspected to be Xeno. If it’s not Xeno behind the death threats then it is someone who pretends to be her. Which is a serious crime, and Xeno should be aware of it, because that would mean that she is in danger too. I hope that by sharing my story you all can see and understand a little bit more about what kind of person Xeno is, and how she pressures and bullies others, while also lying about a lot of things. I’m not writing this so people would go after her and bully her, no, don’t do this, that would be the opposite of what I hope for. Share this, talk about your experiences so we can stop the bullying once and for all.
2020, beginning of November, that’s when I joined the spcreek server. I was recruited by Xeno under someone else’s fic, and let me tell you, I LOVED THE SERVER SO MUCH! I was very new to the fandom, had no fandom friends, and only recently started to write again, so it was so nice to be surrounded by many like-minded people who enjoyed writing, reading fics, and loved South Park. At that time the server was still very new and small, and I made some amazing friends there. Yet not that long after that, I noticed that Xeno has a strange way of going after certain people. Often they were the members who were more popular than she. Her “hecklings” which typically felt like passive-aggressive comments made a lot of my friends leave the server, but I stayed. Because even though I did not appreciate how Xeno treats some people, and I stopped seeing her as a friend, I still liked being there; there were so many amazing, kind and nice members there, and I miss so many of them even today.
Xeno likes to be the center of attention, and I too, experienced her trying to pressure me into reading her stuff, even though, I stated earlier that it’s not my cup of tea. This is just an example:
It might not seem like a big deal to most, but she is constantly doing this. Turning conversations around so it is about her, and she makes you feel guilty for stating your opinion or not reading her fics. I experienced her doing this to many others but I won’t share any screenshots of those, since it is not my place to do so. (But you can read some of them here.)
And now to the main point of my post:
My removal of the server. It happened a few months after Kelsey left the server and Xeno got rid of a lot of people without any warning. Mostly she removed inactive members, but she did that without sending them any messages ahead or giving them a chance to be active on the server again, and just after that she created new rules.
A few members were worried after reading them that they might end up being removed one day too, but Xeno assured them that as long as they don’t break any of the rules it won’t happen.
A few months passed by, and on the 26th of December, without saying a word, Xeno kicked me out of the server.
I was angry and confused and sad. I never broke any of the rules, I wasn’t mean to anyone and sure I wasn’t the most active member of the server but I checked in at least every few days.
I couldn’t just let it go so I demanded an answer, a reason for her action. It took her two days to message me, and that was her explanation.
And that was all, I replied then she blocked me on every social media platform and I never heard of her ever again.
Now there are some issues with her message, and it really shows what kind of person she truly is.
1: There is no secret discord server specifically to avoid her, and no one ever told anyone to actively avoid her. If someone decided to avoid her that’s their decision. There is a small server with a few friends who wanted to hang out without being surrounded by drama, but it’s not a Xeno-hate server at all. She is rarely mentioned there, and it’s rarely in a negative way. What people are saying or discussing in their private messages has nothing to do with the server. Although Xeno later stated that she doesn’t have an issue with others being on different servers, so I don’t get her point here.
She is upset about people leaving her server and not saying anything to her, while she kicked out more than 20 people from her server without any explanation and she is the one who keeps blocking people, not even giving them a chance to reach out to her. So when she says that people should talk to her it confuses me. How are we supposed to talk to her if she keeps blocking everyone she has an issue with?
2: I’m not sure about what Tumblr posts she is talking about, and again if she doesn’t know who are the members of the “so-called Xeno-avoiding server” how is she knows I support them? But then again, it wasn’t me who allegedly was bashing on her server, so what does it have to do with me? There is a lie within the lines.
But that’s true that I was often supporting my friends on the creek server, which was not against the rules because there weren’t any rules stating that we are not allowed to share outsider’s fics.
These are some disturbing examples of my sin:
Viewer discretion advised
3: The hate comment situation is between her and Kelsey. It has nothing to do with me. I never spread rumors about her being behind them, so I don’t understand how it justifies her actions? But if the accusations hurt her so much, she should have unblocked Kelsey and tried to talk to her, which she never did. You can’t just sit on your ass and wait for people who you blocked and believe that you are the one harassing them to try to find ways to talk to you through brick walls.
4: Again, she just claimed at the beginning of her message that she doesn’t know who is the member of that “group” yet, I am somehow supporting them. Everyone is going after Kelsey for saying things without 100% proof yet Xeno does exactly the same behind closed curtains.
5: I don’t remember ever picking a fight with her. Yes, I argued with her a very few times, but mostly I just didn’t interact with her, however, she always assured me that we were not fighting. So, I’m shocked to learn that we did, according to her message.
So after reading her goodbye message, I want to know, when did she ever try to talk to me about her concerns (like she claimed she would do in her previous reply to someone) and why did I need to chase after her to get an explanation from her?
I know that my post focuses on way less serious issues than Kelsey’s, however, I think this shows just what kind of person Xeno is. I want everyone to understand that I never wanted to talk about this openly, but what happened to Kelsey could happen to anyone. Bullying is a serious thing, and it can do a lot of damage. I read about people, young people throwing their lives away because they were bullied. It’s heartbreaking, it’s sad, it’s disturbing, and I don’t want to ever lose a friend again because they couldn’t take it anymore. That’s why I can’t stand seeing what happened to Kelsey, and why I want to support her by sharing my story.
Did I just willingly put my head under the guillotine? I sure did, and I don’t enjoy it, but there are times when you need to take risks and this risk is worth it for a friend.
So my point is, don’t be a dick.
“Bullying isn’t cool. Bullying is lame
Bullying is ugly and has a stupid name
For a healthy world, bullying’s unfit
And I think I know what we should do to it” - South Park, Make Bullying Kill Itself
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