life goes on

mela • intj • vet • twenty eight • journaling

[delicacyies]

I wrote this because I am overwhelmed with emotions and pretty sure I can’t sleep very well. I need to deal with my own feeling of guilt surrounding my chest tightly now because I think I just gave closure to someone I once cared for.

I feel bad because I am the one who keeps life going on into different phases, dealing with life and surviving days and nights while the other side— he is not.

Long short story— he reached out after more than one year of separation. Whatever motives he is about and I’m curious about, but I assure my mind like— alright, just give him some time to blabber about himself and give closure, the proper one.

But I’m not prepared to feel guilty of the ‘I’m already moving on but you didn't’.

I met him probably two summers ago on the unstable stake of my life surviving and dealing with a job. During that time, he urged me to be with him even though I don’t like the rush of quick settle committed relationships. I want an all natural blended feeling of getting over the heel of someone I crush about. Months by months passed by, I don’t find myself naturally towards the relationship yet my mood-swing-emotional-outcome made me feel like a scumbag who needs my punch bag which is him. I mean— I can’t control my mood and emotions and yet he can easily be pissed off. Tolerate and compromise are the two words that he always mentions about us to deal with, but I can’t.

Because in the first place, I don’t find myself compatible with him. While I’m not sure about my own guts, being led to the commitment phase is not the one I’m ready about. I feel bad for being the one who did not show so much love-dovey emotions, and I want to figure out by myself what I am looking for. So I ended it all before I felt overwhelmed by being complicated.

Looking back all the things we ever had, and the current relationship I have now is totally the different shade I never had before. Sometimes the breeze of guilt comes onto myself— not because I want to compare but it's like the feeling like ‘ah, I think I never had this one before’. It’s not about feeling thankful enough to be loved by someone.

And now he came out of nowhere and sought closure. I know he blames himself, I know he is still in the same place, but I don’t know what else I need to do more to him. Because I feel guilty towards him, I've already moved on but he still didn't. I already realized my faults, reflecting, reassuring my inner self, and now I’m trying to treat the one I love more better than I had before. Because I know years before I was worse than now, I feel bad to know he saw me in the worst shape of myself but I’m already grown up trying to be a better and mature version of myself. I grew up reflecting my gestures towards him to be a better person and love someone dearly thanks to him— but he is still in the same state.

I feel bad, god, I feel bad to ever put all the flames towards him and leave him behind. It’s like the emotion I had now is like splintering eggshells on the floors— I am figuring out how to walk onto these all, he gave his hands but I forced him to drop it, look at him and pretend it didn't feel evil. And I look away when once— he was the one who looked at me a long time ago. Now, the air I breathe feels like a death wish— it's so suffocating.

06082026, 23.58.

[delicacyies]

So yesterday I finished reading a book called ‘dear dolly: on love, life, and friendship’. I’m not putting a lot of expectations since the first book is not to my taste (duh— its memoir from the writer’s perspective) but I’m still curious and need some light reading for a break from my chaotic life. This time— I don’t expect this book to leave a quieter mark in my head about how I passed this life.

It left me to recall my life and how I dealt with it. I wish this book would be released when I was in college (or even better before I passed 22)— because it is just like what I’ve done so far. The friendship chapter was like ‘duh, a typical and classic problem’ but when the chapters are about dating, relationship, breakup & exes… this is something I need to know first before I start my own catastrophe. So I don’t need to feel related to most of the stories from this book.

I almost throw away this book when the only section is almost triggering my mind but gladly how I ended up the problem and the suggestions in the book are the same. I hate how the self harm turned into questioning myself what if I couldn't be more in love. Why my mind is logical but when it's about feeling towards the partner and involved in love— I’m the worst.

So I keep some pages from the book that finished me yesterday as a self reminder how the agony still keeps lingering on my mind about what if I couldn’t be more in love anymore. I hope it will end someday.

10092025

[delicacyies]

wrong person and waste of time

I hope you realized, years of spending time with you is the worst time of my life. Maybe some happiness happened when we were together, but guess what? It isn't memorable, I even forgot it all. I don’t even miss what we had. I think that’s what people call dissociative amnesia.

Because my heart already hurts too much, every time I lower my expectations— you never reach it. You keep it lowkey-ly told I’m asking too much. But that’s how relationships work. We are waiting for each other to keep growing up together, but you are burdened me by all the chaos you made.

I know you are still trying to keep in touch with my mom because I’m unreachable after we broke up— by ordering some food and sending it home, talking to my mom several times through chat or in person when you went home. I feel pity on you, where were you when we were still together? You never came to my house, never talked to anyone with my family, did not show up on my birthday. I was the one who kept visiting your home, and talked to your mom several times. Of course I’m disappointed with all you did now— but it won't change anything, what you expected to happen, it won't happen. I’m not a kind and foolish person who wants to be in prison with you.

Instead of happiness, it pisses me off to get your letter and flower. How brave you are this time sliding to my inboxes out of nowhere, thinking it would make my day brighter than usual. Hell no, I don’t think it can’t be called a compliment, I’m mad how the letter awakened me to realize I’m such a fool to waste my precious time with the wrong person.

shit, wrong person and waste of time.

I waste so much time trying to keep the relationship stable, although I’m the only one who survived, and instead I died inside. I already sank with the ship you asked to join before, and you didn’t realize I was dead, drowning, sank in stone oblivion of sins you made and made me ashamed.

And you confess what you did— after I found out. May god know, you probably wont admit it if I found it. You may not know there’s a lot more reasons why I called off the relationship. Let’s say it was triggered by the nasty things you did. That’s why I know right seconds of what you did, I don't need to hear any reasons from your perspective. It won't change anything. And I won't tell you reasons from my point of view— even if you try to understand, but you won’t try to be better, I know it. Instead, it will hurt you more to hear it all. And I don’t want to be responsible if I hurt you if I spit it out the fact of it all.

But at least, it is what I waited for so long— to end the relationship and move on so quickly, it happened. It came true, a good riddance. I’m never picturing myself with you in the future, and luckily god sent me so many signs not to end my life with the most disgusting person I ever know. Finally, I feel alive.

So, if you are looking for closure, may you know you already got it a long time ago. Silence is the only closure you deserve to get, and I won't give it anymore.

24072025

[delicacyies]

you’ll find lovers like you and me

I reached out because I cared— not to get anything in return, but because part of me still held a soft spot for someone I once thought had the potential to mean more. I remembered the marathon because I wanted to make sure he was okay— simple as that. That’s who I am. I care. 

And now, the silence… it says enough.

He didn’t respond. Not with words, not with effort, not even with the decency of honesty. I can’t pretend I don’t notice— the muted stories, the one-sided energy, the shift in tone. I felt it all, even if he never explained it. 

And maybe he didn’t feel a spark. Maybe he didn’t know how to say it. But still— I deserved more than distance and avoidance. I deserved a goodbye, or at least the respect of clarity. Because I watched him walk away from me, I can’t even put my mind rightfully as this misery self sabotaged in a nowhere hopeless mirage.

It’s painful to admit that someone I liked didn’t show the same interest in return. But I would rather face the truth than keep trying to convince someone to see me. Because I am not invisible. I am thoughtful, warm, sincere— and as someone who remembers the little things. That’s rare, and I won't let this moment make me doubt it.

So today, I choose to let go— not because I’m weak, but because I’m strong enough to stop holding on to someone who isn’t holding me back. 

This is my closure. Not because he gave it to me, but because I’m giving it to myself.

I’m proud of the way I showed up. One day, someone else will be too. 

29062025

(you won’t ever read this— but I’m glad if you already find your lovers now, so take care)

[delicacyies]

“When a man meets the woman he wants, he moves fast. When he’s unsure, he gives excuses.”

For as long as I can remember, this is the phase of my life I can’t accept someone giving excuses to me and showing how unsure he is. As I hoped he was not like that— he would put a lot of effort into me, or give me a hint how he felt sparks when he saw me. 

I didn’t expected anything bigger in my life, but I hope if someone willing to be my life partner— he is nice, he didn’t hesitate to spend time with me, he treat good and well to me, talk to me with a gentle voice so I will to follow the same as well, he didn’t left me unwanted, he would not left me, he work hard as I do, he calm and gentle at the same time, communicates properly, listens wholeheartedly whenever I whining about my days, never fails to tell me something wrong without blame, remember every single and smallest details about my life, to make me feel seen, and heard in a way no one else does.

I think I saw it all at him. 

He came to my life like a cold fog in the morning. It was pure, light, intoxicating, and chill at the same time. He made me feel at peace because of how calm he was, yet my heart was throbbing and excited at the same time because I saw him. He reminds me of how I love to see the sunrise— it's like a daily reminder and kick off I should start my day which I rarely see on my days because of how hard I am trying to wake up early. He seems like a person with a lot of things keeping to himself, as I try to get to know him, I get to be more clueless. 

It was difficult to be certainly in an unknown map of his soul, how it was like a blank white paper. There was no guidance, no leftover marks or bent on the paper, and could not be read with or without any kind of lights. That’s why I called him like a thick cold fog in the morning, it makes me blind and suffocating.

He didn’t want any help, whether it was because I’m not the one he wanted, or he just wanted to keep it thick and chill. I really want to pursue him like I can, I would, I don’t mind trying, as I will wait for the fog to slowly disappear as the sun rises and morning flies. I don’t mind.

But he thought the process of it all would hurt me- or his pride, I don’t know. Now how I wish his unsure feeling would disappear like the morning fog, so he will see me again waiting, after a while. 

I wish you the best too— even if you don’t know how much sad I had in me.

300525, 12.24 AM

[delicacyies]

I know grieving is hard but never thought to see it in real life— a person trying to process everything that already happened.

My workplace is the cold-hard ground where we need to put aside our personal matters and perform as professionals. I’m still surviving from my up-and-down emotions when faced with my patients, but my role model at work is my coworker slash senior vet GP slash supervisor who has already worked in the clinic for fifteen years. 

Yeah, fifteen years dealing with patients in the same place and clinic is her comfort zone. She can manage her life beside the clinic— being a good mom for her kids and a good wife. I’m wondering how she is dealing with her emotions but these past months are the roughest for her. 

She had her third child early this year, finally— a girl. That little family loves the girl so dearly, so do we as her coworkers who watched (or slightly dealt with) her milestones and her pregnancy. I’m really happy every time she told me about what her child was doing at home while we were at the operation room— because the girl resembled so much the euphoria I saw my sister at home. 

But the happiness doesn't last forever, it surely happened so fast like you couldn’t believe it happened. The girl suddenly fell ill and was diagnosed with hepatoblastoma. The 10 months old baby girl went to her first chemotherapy because surgery is not the best yet to perform with her situation. I understand the frustration to watch the one you loved so dearly, especially when your child turned sick. You want the best option for her but the surroundings you were not supported like you wish. I understand her tiredness every time she heard people said to her “you should give her this or that one that is best for cancer.” when you are also frustrated how you saw your child doesn’t have much appetite after chemotherapy. 

It was like a downhill after a while— the girl finally stabilized and she went to the seminar but after coming back the girl felt sick more than before. Imagine it like a thunderstorm on the ocean— the girl’s body went weak after chemotherapy and neutrophils storms happened. I ran to the hospital after shift work was done and saw her sitting down at the sofa with her pale face and a blank eyesight— the expression you never saw before on her. I wanted to cry when I saw her—my coworker— as the mother’s child finally said, “Do you want to go inside and say goodbye to her?”  

How did you feel when you saw a little baby with an endotracheal tube in her chest and ventilator on for helping breathing, the body covered with thermal blankets to keep her warm, and the monitor you saw the saturations getting drop by time? It was a cold cubicle room full of medical stuff you never wish to see in real life, but now I’m watching her pale face, who suffered so much pain relying on every machine in the room. My mouth went numb as time went by hearing the monitor sound, and I’m not doing anything but watching her silently. I couldn't think of anything else but deep in my heart I said, “Dear little girl, if you can't survive through this hurricane– please go easily. Heaven must love you so much as anyone surrounding you loves you more here.”

And I left the PICU. The morning came and when I grabbed the phone, there’s a little notification saying the little girl was gone. The family held a memorial in another city. My coworker was absent for a week. We were respectful of the situation and when she came back to work, she worked like she used to. Like how she usually works. But I know by just seeing her, the body is here but the soul is in another place. I wish her decision to come back to work is the best and I think work is the solution to keep her thoughts away from grieving.

But I was wrong.

Until when I saw her and her teary eyes looking at her phone– looking up her child’s pictures after work was done and crying silently in the corner of the pharmacy room of the clinic. I’m not believe what my other coworker said until I saw by myself that she cried alone. I thought she could handle it but now she resembles a glass bead– so clear, shine, and easily break. 

She is still grieving deep in her heart for a very long time– for sure. I think a few days ago she was telling about how her son cried after waking up dreaming of his little sister and after that said, “How does she never come to me when I am sleeping?” She is still missing her child every day– for sure. Trying to keep the little girl close to her by ordering a necklace with the pendant filling a tiny bit of the little girl’s hair. She is still feeling sad when she opens her social media and sees an ad, fundraising, or story about a child doing chemotherapy and then rapidly closes her phone. She is still wishing the little girl is still in this world, but unfortunately is not.

The little girl named Marianne is already gone in the middle of November when the christmas are close to celebrate. Marianne, be happy for your mom up there. Please be happy up there, and please come to her dream. She misses you a lot, alright?

031223, 11 PM.

[delicacyies]

as somebody who have a lot of scars from the sin I had in the past, I wish I could drown myself until the scars were off from my body, so I wont have any hates towards myself when I see the reflection on the mirror, a person who hate herself more than anyone in this world. So when those memories suddenly lingering in my mind, I wouldn’t freeze and trying to scrub every inch of my body until the red show off on the skin and the stings came after that. So I would not be scared when I heard the knock on my door at midnight, faking myself already slept in peace but all i did was gripped my phone forcefully. So I would not be scared to hear any loud sound banging from the stuffs who threw against the wall and watched it scattered all over the floor. So I would not be scared to be driven in highest speed on the road and squeaky sound of tires when the brakes pulled off. I’m so scared.

[delicacyies]

Do you ever try to forget about me? Do you ever remember me by the simple thing- like the glimpse of my favorite song when you heard across the street? Do you still remember what makes me happy or irritated? -- or do you get irritated to know my head full of doubt and I question of what others have always been sure of?

Your pictures still lingering around my gallery phone, which is the biggest thing I avoid the most. I cant let go the delete button suddenly disappear when I clicked it, but why I don’t want these all being on my phone anymore? Why I cant let go so fucking easily? Why this damn phone automatically made a video about you from the memories I took when you’re around? Do this happen to you too?

I am the embodiment of doubt. And I, for once-- wanted to believe.  So I jumped headfirst into the ocean, ready to drown in whatever lie that keeps me wondering-- but not knowing that the ocean is turn to be a dessert, and there’s nothing for me to drown in. There’s nothing for me to choke. to drown. to believe. 

Now I’m trying to do my best addressing my self as your past-partner, or as a friend. Just because I didn’t know how to accept it, doesn’t mean it wasn’t real.

[delicacyies]

I think I saw you in my dream last night.

Its not a vivid dream, it’s seems like a glimpse of memory as I woke up and suddenly remember about you. My hands were busy as I tried to search about you from your wife’s tweets. And it’s seem to believe that you came to my dream last night, as she seems didn’t believe you already gone.

And I wish its not you who came to my dream last night. I wish you were not, because there’s no a single face I recognize. And I don’t even remember the dream was about. But it feels like a strong feeling, like an attachment who made me think its you. It’s seems like I built the dream about you, not like you showed up by yourself.

But if it’s you, could you please come back again to my dream- for the last time?

Please come back when I’m truly in a deep sleep, when in a long dream, when it was a beautiful moment we were ever spent together. Like it was when we were sat behind the school building in the evening and looked at the grass were swinging, and me who searched the dandelion flowers and blow it so they flied towards the dirt. When we were still wearing our school uniform and talked about everything- literally everything, everything that I don’t even remember every single thing of it. When the evening ended and we looked up the skies who turned to dark and it showed beautiful colors. And how you held my hand to get up and walked for went home.

Please come back again so I can tell you something for the last time. So I can tell you a lot of things I really want to tell you after we were not together. To tell you I feel okay so you don’t need to blame yourself that it was your fault, to tell you I was happy to be with you, to tell you how thankful I am for the memories I had in schools because of you, to tell you the reason why you couldn’t reached me since we were break up, to tell you I’m trying to let go every single memory who left in every corner and building in the schools, to tell you how happy I was when I’m with you because I’m dating my first crush, to tell you I’m doing well and I hope you did the same, and to say sorry for every mean words I ever said to you—to every moments that made you annoyed because of me because my childish anger temper I throwed up to you, to say sorry for everything I made up towards you.

Please come back so I can tell you all of these words that can’t came out from my own mouth, from my own fingers who can’t send this letter to you because you were not here anymore. Its my fault to keep all these words lingering all over my heads and thinking someday I can say it out loud to you, which it would not be happen. But please, it’s not about I can’t let you go with peace, I just want to tell you how thankful I was towards yourself in my life. You don’t need to reply what I want to say—I just want you to listen all these words strings from my regretful for not telling you sooner. You don’t need to forgive me, the faults I made towards you were a big massive bomb that can’t disappear by a single word of ‘its okay, I’m already forgive you’. No—let me bring this guilt till I die because I deserve it, to feel regretful till breath wont came out from my mouth.

I’m sorry, I’m really sorry for things I ever made up, I’m truly sorry for whatever I was before. I want to say it out aloud to you, please-- can you please come to my dream as a vivid person for the last time? I don’t have any guts to say it when you were still alive so let me say it out loud for once, towards you, even its just a dream. I beg you.

110721

[delicacyies]

For me, its always me who being the dramatic one when its about relationship. And with you, I was the one who always made you tired and headache about us before.

Years before, we built walls around so we can have the distance and didn’t pass the respect line. But, the moment I know it was me who ran away and made the distance more visible, and that’s why you hated me, you tried to forget me by unfriend me from line, unsaved my phone number, unfollowed me on Instagram so you wont see me again and didn’t get any hope for wishing every words I was typed on the internet was for you.

I was happy with you, for the two years we spent together as a partner, for the last year of our relationship we learned about long distance, and failed. I was happy because I was the one who love you first since junior high school, I was happy because you were my first love of my entire life. I was happy to learned about ups and downs about dating and stuff with you, learned myself more and realized years later I was problematic with you before. I was so childish and I’m sorry for made you date with me, the childish one. I’m sorry for not growing up being mature with you. I’m sorry I don’t smile at you anymore the last time I saw you, I even forgot when the last time I saw you in real life.

You were tried to reach me and keep the distance being in the respectful way, but I ran away because I don’t want it. How fool I am. I should’ve kept in touch with you, either we cant be together again. Maybe if I did the opposite, we still keep being as friends although you already married with the girl you met at college. But we weren’t. we were brave enough to take action years later when our mind already mature enough to accept the situation. And its you who reached me first, not me, because I’m scared.

Now you already gone. The connotation about gone its not about you left to someone, no, you left this world. You already dead this afternoon, as I heard in the evening from my friend. I still cant believe it, last year I cant believe you already engaged, and its means I’m your last ex girlfriend. And this year, today, I still cant believe you are already gone. No, I don’t want to believe it. Because there’s a plenty of words I really want to say to you but I didn’t because I think there’s  no have the right time and I’m scared your wife will be mad at me. I think I still have so many times and maybe someday you will read this, which is false, it wont be happen anymore. You already gone, died because meningitis, far away from your hometown, far from me, and its neither both of us ever guess you would ever go there someday, which it did. You know what? Minutes later I heard your news, some of my friends came to me and asking if I already heard about you, they didn’t believe what they heard so they asked me why and how. Like how did I know you while I know you from the others before? I’m sad because the time we broke up was the time I lost connection with your friends too.

You played a big role in my life, in my school life, in my love life. But look at how I lost all the memories we had like the pictures we had together, gifts from you, even your phone number, I don’t have it now. All I had was the memories in my head which is full of my first year of high school, its full with you. I’m sorry for not keep all the memories and all that you gave to me.

There are so many words I want to say, how I want to apologize for the past I’ve made, for all the things I ruined, for everything. But I know I cant, I just—I cant. We cant talk like the usually we did before, neither face to face. You really know what I really want to say to you even its already six years passed?

How bad—and mean I am to you.

Peoples said some relationship were ended with bad ending—sometimes. But I think its wrong. We could end that in the good way, so each of us were not feeling hatred to each other. But the reality was, we were ended with the bad way, didn’t we?

I’m sorry for leaving you like that years ago, which made you suffer. With those memories that you already forgotten, I wish. I hope you are fine. Sorry for ever said I hate you, you are such a liar, let’s break up, etc. You know I’m bad at dealing with people, and I’m such a childish, immature, egoist person you ever date.

Kak, thank you for being in my heart, you are such a good person who I ever know. I am always hope you remember the best of me only. Thank you for ever being in this world as my first love, hope you know that from up there.

Never felt this much of guilty with someone who’s gone now, because I own you a lot of apologies. Rest in peace, Yud. I loved you. Will you forgive me?

250621, 2 AM. 

[delicacyies]

who will love you?

who will love you like i do? who will write you poems and paint you a clear blue sky when it's pouring rain? who will stay beside you through the hardships of your life? who will give up their sleep just to talk to you on the phone, talking in hushed whispers and sleepy slurred giggles about the wonders of the universe like i do? who will kiss you in the exact places you loved? who will touch you like you're more precious than every diamond in this world? who will hold your hand when you're cold? who will fill your empty heart? who will trust you when you lie? who will say they're okay even after you hurt them? who will stay after you leave? who will love you as much as i do?

 who will love you like i do?

[delicacyies]

I know I shouldn’t pray anyone to stay in my life—to stay with me. But I’m insist to do that every single time I remember you. 

They said I should pray for them—for you to find your own safe place. But I cant, cause I know in the reality, I’m not the safe place you used to be. I want to believe whatever meant to be will be mine eventually, but you seems so far away from the reality.

I know we need the space we always craving for--- even we didn’t want it. We need distance even though its so hard to bear. Everything that happened to me, made me realize how precious people that passing through in my life, and I learned that I should appreciate people more.

I should have appreciate you more—long a go. Long long long long a go when you were used to be mine.

[delicacyies]

while I wrote this letter, I realized I still cant move on from you, yet forgiving you.

I get to know that love is painful, so goodbyes are even more painful.

There are so many- really a lot of words still stuck on my mouth that I never got the chance to say it out loud- about how much I treasure you, about much I love you, about how much I miss you so dearly, about how I regretted the space between us now.

There is nothing sweet in meetings but there's a lot of bitterness in the word 'good bye' as you taste it in your tongue. There is nothing more venomous than hearing the words 'I don't think we can do this anymore.' from your lover's mouth that you once know very well about every curve of their tongue and the roof of their mouth as if they're etched into your mind.

I hate to admit I miss your sweetly words before went to sleep and I pretend I didn’t loved you so I wont replied your love line. I’m not okay to realized I must swallowed my own denial, and heard the others cheered me and said nothing is everlasting.

There is nothing more painful than watching you, the one that i love very deeply- just walk away and yet I can do nothing about it when i know you just have a date with the new one. Because that's just how the way love is: it gives you the willingness to do anything for the one you love—even if it means you have to break apart.

I want you to know that until this day, there’s nothing worth compare to our midnight talks and dirty jokes we used to tell each other. And it hurts me that the word ‘us’ no longer have a meaning. It hurts me a lot to know that you are much more fine without me- how easily you wiped off every traces of me, while I’m still waiting you in a thousand of faces I see everyday.

I know you try to forget me, and my name will stop echoing from your throat as you stop searching for glimpses of me in a crowded of faces. Maybe you are trying to forget about me now. But don’t you know letting go is another alternative of saying 'please stay'? I know I’m not enough for you to grow because let's face it— the reality that letting go is the lump in your throat as you try to hold back the tears and chokes out 'I still want you”. Letting go means you're ready to be in great pain just to see them happy because you know so damn well that they deserve better. Letting go means you have to swallow the truth untold that was so similar to the sound of "I know I'm not enough but please let me love you."

 But the truth is, I’m just confused and perhaps- desperate to believe in something that doesn’t exist. I don’t believe I could find someone like you anymore. I’m sick and scared of having to do it all over and over again, wondering because perhaps- you are my end of the maze.

 I was being left and wondering about the hidden possibilities in ‘what if’s and ‘maybe’s and you gave me all the reasons to believe.  Because how is it possible to search for something better when I had you as the best?

I still don’t believe in many things and while love remains unknown to me, now I can believe that heartbreak is real. and it hurts like hell.

-

(wrote this on March 29th 2020, dealing of my emotions after break up with 4 years long distance relationship)

[delicacyies]

mela🌻 (@spyswiftstudies) • Instagram photos and videos

290 Followers, 250 Following, 23 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from mela🌻 (@spyswiftstudies)

I'm glad I'm going back to this community again, especially in tumblr since I only had a proper time to keep update in instagram. For you who want to be my mutuals, kinda go to my instagram so we can interact to each other! Have a good weekend❤

[honeyhearrt]

So so so in love with this spread😻 i also sprinkled some of my favorite Gucci perfume on the page so it smells soooo good💘 Hope everyone’s having a good day!

[schoollifeandstuff]

[27.12.17] Getting back to schoolwork after celebrating christmas with the family. Wanting to start the new year without too much work to be done. Also, thank you guess for the 4,5 K!! Wish you all an amazing 2018 

[kaylareads]

merry Christmas Eve 🎄❤️