Me, in a nutshell @delicatecretin - Tumblr Blog

among-madpeople-deactivated2023

My gift to you, a curse for me.

“It’s easier than that.”

This is a lie. Villanelle is a person that is defined by her actions. She indulges in what she wants, when she wants it. She says what she thinks. And yet, what she is about to do is anything but “easy”. She chooses to exercise restraint. For Eve.

“Stand up straight. Stand up straight, and look at me.”

Up to this point we’ve seen a different side of Villanelle, and her reaction towards Eve. She has been nervous, careful.

Her choice of words is now decisive, instructional. An attempt at being blunt. Still, Villanelle repeats herself and it gives a hint at how difficult these next few steps will be for her.

She takes in the image in front of her. Captures the moment quickly, for fear that her instincts kick in and her judgement, (or lack thereof), takes hold of her. And she is careful not to touch her.

Because Eve has the ability to dismantle Villanelle with her gaze.

She is weak, breathless, when she looks into her eyes.

Eve’s expression is always the same when she looks at V. Her brows furrow, and her eyes are constantly searching for something to hold on to. There is wonder in that look.

“Have you turned? I can’t see you.”

Let’s play a game.

Villanelle is trying hard to humour herself. Because she can’t believe she is doing this. Because she can’t stand to see Eve walk away from her. Not without the promise of a reunion. Looking at Eve, hesitant as she was, to leave the dance floor the night before. The worry imprinted on Eve’s face.

Allow me to take this one gift.

The gift of this memory.

Her head leans back, the cold air wrapping around them. To focus every nerve on her body to feel those points of contact. To feel the bounce of Eve’s dark curls. To know that Eve is there, present. Waiting.

And Villanelle hopes that this memory is enough to last her a lifetime.

“Don’t turn. Just walk.”

These last two sentences she says to herself. Pain flashes through her eyes as she declares it.

My existence - is tied to yours.

But, if you have to leave,

Then go.

I’ve given you my attention, my grief, my thoughts, my voice. My heart.

My last gift to you, is this.

My restraint, my unequivocal silence as I feel you leave me.

What is this?

Tugging. She physically feels them separating, and she stops in her tracks. She contorts her face in pain. This is a battle that Villanelle is fighting, and quickly losing as the urge grows to turn around.

Is Villanelle giving herself a few seconds so that Eve can disappear from view?

Villanelle is never one to wish for things to happen. If she wants a certain outcome, she will make it happen. She’s never been one to rely on someone else’s actions, and feelings.

The nerves grow, and fear washes over her. She is in complete surrender to Eve’s decision.