(re)views as a parent...

Random thoughts and experiences from my life as a father of two. Because life as a parent is funny; and weird.

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Happy Father’s Day to everyone. I also vehemently deny the accusations in this card. Except the good dad part 😁

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My 15 year old daughter continues to teach me new slang.

“Dad did you know that you can rent a Lamborghini? You missed out on rizzing girls with it. You could pull up and open the door for her and she’d think you’re so rich. And then next date just say you crashed it and couldn’t afford to fix it. She’d be impressed.”

“What is rizzing?”

“You know, like charisma.”

“I did not. I supposed I did miss rizzing my dates.”

Maybe my wife would like to be rizzed?

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McDonalds points could’ve saved my daughter’s life…..

“Dad. Why did you spend all of our McDonald’s points on one order! What if one day we needed those points as the only source of food we have left? What if we were broke and had no food and we needed the points to live? Now we have to starve because you spent all of our points on a Big Mac meal. How would you feel about me dying sooner than I needed because you spent all of our points? You could’ve gotten some nuggets and spread the points out over a number of days and saved my life.”

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(Voltaren back cream commercial comes on...)

“Daddy needs this because he is so weak!”

Why do all of my posts lately seem to be burns directed at me?! Maybe it wouldn’t burn so much if I did get some Voltaren?

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Words of wisdom from an 11 year old.

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A love story....

S: how did you guys meet?

Me: well we met at a bar at the university. We hung out for a bit and eventually dated. Your mommy liked me because I was so cool.

S: (🙄)

Mommy: more like my type was going for nerds.

Me: haha. Well I was just pretending to be a nerd for your mommy.

S: so when are you going to stop pretending?

💀

Happy Valentines Day....

❤️

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Random toddler quotes of the week (from my nieces and nephews):

“Maggie is my best friend at school (there is no Maggie). She has all of the clothes. She will be at school tomorrow when Hunter is not there because she doesn’t like Hunter. Sometimes I do not like Maggie.”

(While getting out of the shower) Stares.....”mommy why do your boobs look so gross and disgusting?”

- thanks for the boost of confidence kid. Also what frame of reference do you even have?

“What happened to Ray (custodian) at school?” “Oh he hit his head working on an engine and he died”

- currently unclear if Ray is dead or not.

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Shared from Life of Dad

RIP Kobe and all others on board.

"Can you even imagine how difficult it was for him in that moment? The moment he knew that not only his own life was about to end, but that of his daughter...a life he helped create.

Can you imagine how he felt as a father knowing he couldn't protect her?

Can you imagine him holding her, consoling her, telling her he loved her as that helicopter went down?

As a parent, I can tell you, Kobe Bryant's greatest fear was realized today. And it wasn't the fear for his own life, but for that of his beautiful daughter.

Because as a parent, your life means nothing in comparison to the lives of your children.

We live for our children. We breathe for our children. They are our reason for being.

We would also die for them, without hesitation.

Without question, without a moment's notice, we would lay down our own lives to ensure theirs.

Just thinking of his internal struggle in those last moments tears my heart into pieces.

He knew his daughter's young life was ending. He knew he was leaving 3 other precious children behind. Oh, how his heart must have ached!

Can you even imagine the agony that played out in his mind? Every parent's worst nightmare happening to him in real-time.

He was there when his sweet girl took her first breath, and he was there with her when she took her last.

And that's the only solace I can find in this...that he was there. In her final moments, her daddy was there to remind her of his undying love.

And with everything in me, I hope that baby felt every ounce of love her daddy had for her. I hope it overwhelmed her and carried her straight into paradise.

Because I know that's all her daddy wanted too.

Rest in peace Kobe and Gigi. Our hearts mourn you ❤

Hug your children extra tight tonight, mamas and daddies. Tomorrow is never promised."

[Written by Four Norths in the South]

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Toilet for scale.

As a home owner I have come to realize something when judging the cost of almost everything in life. If you want to determine if something is worth the cost, remember that you can buy a toilet for about $100. A toilet. This is a staple of any home and you rely on it numerous times throughout the day. It is heavy, has working internal parts, has water flow in and out and flushes away waste.

We were in Mexico recently and my sister in law shared with me that she had just spent $25 on water wings. $25?! That’s a quarter of a toilet! Water wings are plastic and last maybe a week. They dont have any working parts, and cost maybe 15 cents. Sure they are counted on to save my nephews life while swimming, but can they flush away his poop? Nope. Too much.

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“Daddy I don’t want to eat pork. I love pigs.” (Proceeds to eat 100 hot dogs while in Mexico). “But I like hot dogs” - my niece

I guess this logic holds up if you assume pigs don’t need their assholes and lips.

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Tacos 🌮 for the win. Happy Father's Day.

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S: He plays video games like a hobo Daddy: um, what? Hobos don’t have video games. And what are you talking about? S: you know. Those guys with the circle glasses. Daddy: 🤔 S: You know. Those guys with the circle glasses and colourful shirts. Daddy: you mean hippies? S: yeah. (So apparently my son plays video games like a hobo, who is really a hippie, because hippies love video games and apparently have a style to how they play them)

- a conversation with my nine year old daughter

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My daughter being helpful. If you didn't know, you would think my dad is really lazy (Post knee surgery). 😂

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Daddy this what "slow calming" music looks like. The second picture is what rock n roll looks like. #art #abstractart

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I like back butts.

S: sometimes in school kids butt in line. They do back butts too.

C: oh yeah me too. I love doing back butts. I could do them all day.

(Wife breaks out laughing and almost spits out her water)

🙈

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A murder. That's a lot of crows.

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(After my wife brought home a teeth whitening toothbrush from the pharmacy) Mommy are you media literate? We learned about media literacy today. We learned to not believe everything you see on tv or the internet and that not everything does what they say it does. Ouch. #schooled

My daughter, age 8