A LONGING . . .

. . .

[delightedendsa]

rionach’s bella swan. alternative iteration with divergences peri-new moon. a study on mental illness, chronic pain, and life versus death. 18+. info below. BETA EDITOR IN USE.

VISUALS.    //    WALKMAN. // SIDEBLOG.

essentially don’t be a dickhead.

info regarding this portrayal: bella attends forks community college at the start of twilight. she was 20 at the time, having taken two years to save money for the trip and for school. she moved to forks to take care of her father, charlie, with whom she stays while taking classes. she has fibromyalgia, anemia, anxiety + depression, and bipolar disorder. she wants to be a writer one day.

re: edward. plotting required, but i generally have them staying broken up after the events of new moon.

more info to come...

[delightedendsa]

bella swan, monster fucker extraordinaire

[delightedendsa]

💭 + motherhood

Bella loves Renee. I really think she just loves her mother so much. I also think Bella is well aware that she was more parent than child for nearly her entire childhood, toward both Renee and Charlie. I don’t think Bella is angry about it. Maybe bitterness comes and goes if she really sits down to think about it, but ultimately it is what it is and that’s just how life worked for her. She cares so much about Renee and how happy she is, even at the expense of her own happiness. And maybe that isn’t really fair and it’s not entirely healthy of a parent-child relationship, but Bella doesn’t know any other way.

That being said, Bella doesn’t care for motherhood. And I really mean that she just has no feelings on the subject. I don’t think she has any desire to be a mother herself, it’s just not something she wants. Children are fine, though she doesn’t really interact with them very much. I think she’d have the capacity to care and love for something unconditionally, but she just doesn’t have the longing to do so.

— HEADCANON MEME.

[delightedendsa]

— @vasilievna: ❛ you have a lovely name. and your friend is waiting for you. ❜ // ❝    Do  you  think  so?    ❞  I  probably  sound  like  I  don’t  believe  her  because  I  don’t.    It’s  always  suspicious  when  the  most  beautiful  person  in  the  room  is  complimenting  you;    what  does  she  want  from  me?    What  could  I  possibly  do  for  her?    I  remember  my  manners  belatedly,    ❝    Yours  is  lovely,    too.    Er,    thank  you.    ❞  Behind  me,    my  shadow  is  brooding  and  grouchy.    I  do  not  look  back  at  him,    lest  I  invite  his  company  to  join  us.    ❝    Oh,    I  am  ignoring  him.    You  should,    too.    ❞

[delightedendsa]

YOU NICKNAMED MY DAUGHTER AFTER THE LOCH NESS MONSTER????????????????

[lawatsak]

“ bella! ” sun shifts forward, abundantly shining upon the girl — cheeks widening the minute he lays his soft brown eyes upon her. “ what's up? it's nice to see you. ” @delightedends.

[delightedendsa]

❝    Jake.    Hi.    ❞  There  is  more  sweetness  in  these  single  syllables  than  I  have  emoted  in  probably  too  long.    Even  my  cheeks  are  round  with  it,    a  smile  on  my  face  before  I  can  think  to  stifle  it.    With  Jacob,    I  never  can  manage  to  though.    ❝    Nice  to  see  you,    too.    Would  you  believe  me  if  I  said  I  was  in  the  neighborhood?    ❞

[delightedendsa]

what's your depression meal? bella's is jello covered in whipped cream

[vamqira]

And I found photographs of our school, on the day we met

I thought that you were so beautiful, it was love, I guess

[delightedendsa]

i think bella would be obsessed with ethel cain

[promptfairy]

❥     𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒    [   𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙳 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙿𝚃𝚂    ]   .

headcanon prompts with questions based on plants   &   what they represent in flower language .  happy roleplaying !!  ♡

abatina :   is there anything in life your muse has changed their mind about over time   (   due to becoming more educated on the topic ,   certain experiences  ,   etc .   ) ,    or that they   would   change their mind about under certain circumstances ?  

acanthus :   is your muse deceptive ,   or willing to lie or deceive to achieve certain means ?   why or why not ?   

aloe :   how does your muse handle grief ?

amaryllis :   what is something or someone that your muse takes pride in ?   how do they express that pride ?   

anemone :   how does your muse view the world ;   as a cruel   &   unforgiving place ,   a land full of wonders ,   or something in - between ?  where does that world view come from   (   what experiences ,   life lessons ,   etc .   ) ?  

angelica :   where does your muse draw inspiration in life ?   what motivates them ?

apple blossom :   how does your muse go about expressing or not expressing their sexuality ?  

bachelor’s button :   does your muse actively seek romantic companionship ,   or cherish the liberties of being single ? 

basil :   does your muse have a love - hate relationship with anyone or anything ?

bay tree :   does your muse seek glory   &   accolades ,   or do they favour a simpler ,   more personal life ?  

begonia :   how cautious is your muse ?   are they prone to noticing red flags ,   or paranoid to the point of untrusting most everyone ?   why or why not ?  

belladonna :   how does your muse respond to silence ?   do they take comfort in soundlessness ,   or seek to fill the void with noise ?   

bluebell :   does your muse learn from their past ,   or are they prone to repeating the same mistakes ?  

carnation :   what is your muse’s relationship with their gender ?   how do they express or not express this relationship ?  

chamomile :   what is your muse likely to take away from a painful experience ?   are they one to be haunted by adversity ,   or to use what they’ve gone through to become stronger ?  

chrysanthemum :   how does your muse express romantic love ?  how do they feel about love as a concept ?  

daffodil :   is your muse one to be loyal in relationships ,   or are they likely to quickly move from one bond to another ?

daisy :   did your muse ever feel as though their innocence had been lost ?   what moment in their life could be described as the end of their innocence ?  

edelweiss :   what was the bravest moment in your muse’s life ?  are they known to be courageous from then on ?  

fern :   does your muse believe in magic or cosmic forces ,   or are they more likely to think their life is ultimately a matter of their own control ?  

forget - me - not :   has your muse ever forgotten something that is or was important to them ?   are they afraid of forgetting things like that ?  

gardenia :   is your muse one to confess romantic feelings early on ,   or to conceal them for long periods of time ?  

gladiolus :   describe a moment from your muse’s life that they will never forget .

goldenrod :   does your muse believe in luck or fortune ?  why or why not ?   where do they believe these things come from ?  

heliotrope :   does your muse believe in soulmates ?

hibiscus :   how does your muse view the gentler ,   daintier things in life ?   as things worth preserving   &   caring for ,   or things only bound to wither   &   disappear ?  

holly :   how strong is your muse’s sense of intuition ?  are they aware of it ?   do they ever fear that it is only paranoia ?  

hollyhock :   how strong is your muse’s sense of ambition ?  what’s something they strive for in life ?  

hyacinth :   is your muse athletic ?   does it come naturally to them ,   or have they had to work for their physique and/or skill ?  

hydrangea :   how much does your muse value communication in their relationships with others ?  are they prone to being misunderstood ?

iris :   if your muse could convey one last message to someone they have lost or left behind ,   what would it be ?  

ivy :   what are your muse’s views on marriage ?   do they believe it is something strictly for love ,   or an institution rooted in business   &   social benefits ?   do they desire or have they desired to be married ?

lavender :   how easy is it to gain your muse’s trust ?  once their trust is broken ,   how might one go about mending it ?  

lilac :   what was your muse’s childhood like ?   how has their upbringing affected them as they’ve aged ? 

lily :   how does your muse view their mother ?  

lotus :   has your muse ever felt as though they’ve been reborn ?  have they ever desired the feeling of a fresh start ,   or a better understanding of themself and/or the world around them ?  

magnolia :   describe your muse’s relationship with nature   &   the natural world .  

marigold :   is your muse prone to jealousy ?  how might they handle envious feelings ?  

mint :   does your muse view themself as virtuous   &   moral ?  what do these words mean to them ?

nasturtium :   describe your muse’s relationship with their birthplace ,   or homeland .  

oak :   who would your muse consider the strongest person they know ?  

pansy :   does your muse often reflect on their own actions ?   do they ever think a lot about the past ,   and what they could have done differently ?

parsley :   describe a holiday your muse enjoys ,   and why they enjoy it .

peony :   what would a   ‘  happy life  ’   look like in your muse’s eyes ?

poppy :   what comforts your muse ?

rhododendron :   is your muse receptive to warnings   &   advice given by others ?

rose :   how much does your muse value other people ?   do they wish to have many friends ,   lovers ,   and/or associates ?   are they an easy person to love ?

sage :   what is your muse’s legacy ?   what do they want to be remembered for   &   what might they actually be remembered for ?  

salvia :   is your muse possessive over people or things that matter a lot to them ?  how do they express that possessiveness ,   or lack thereof ? 

snapdragon :   is your muse merciful ?  why or why not ?

southernwood :   how seriously does your muse take themself ?   do they prefer a solemn   &   intellectual atmosphere or do they delight in jokes   &   banter ?  

sunflower :   what brings your muse the most joy in life ?  

tulip :   how does your muse view people in general ?  

violet :   how does your muse respond to betrayal ?

willow :   how does your muse handle sadness   &   depression ?

zinnia :   how has the loss of fallen comrades and/or loved ones affected your muse ?   has it taught them anything or given them any new perspectives ?

[slaytereda]

—    𝓑.𝓢.    [  𝟝 / ?  ]

[deadringer]

she scoffs, brushing the brunette's sarcasm off with a flick of her corn silk hair. “ things will get better. promise. ” her diction is sincere as always. but the not so transparent façade stares back at her like a reflection. if bad luck is her closest companion, then it's her secret lover; sticking to the roof of her mouth like hardened toffee, sickly sweet and slowly rotting. “ don't even say that. you're stuck with me, bella. that's what friends are for [...] but seriously, when's the last time you showered? or had coffee? ”

[delightedendsa]

So  much  for  misery  loves  company.    Elena’s  optimism  is  back  and  I’m  sinking  away  from  it,    opposites  of  two  magnets  pushing  apart.    But  Elena’s  pull  is  stronger  than  mine  because  she’s  forcing  my  hand.    ❝    I  shower.    ❞  Like  five  days  ago.    Must  be  all  that  depression.    And  also  the  three  papers  I  have  due  in  less  than  a  week.    ❝    Coffee.  .  .    ❞  I  know  my  eyes  go  a  little  glazed  because  I’m  picturing  pour  over  like  it’s  some  kind  of  aphrodesiac.    ❝    Well,    when  you  put  it  like  that.  .  .    Can  you  give  me,    like.    Ten?    Since  I  should.    ❞  I  gesture  at  my  greasy  roots.

[pyshcic]

“ god, all this doom and gloom talk is going to give you serious, actual wrinkles, bella –– you're aging by decades worrying yourself over this.  ” she stands suddenly, an action deliberately slowed down so as not to be too overwhelmingly inhuman. many of her gestures, she finds, are now instinctively orchestrated to be more comprehensible. even in private, she's found herself acting as if she still possesses the need to breathe or blink; she's grown so used to bella's presence, so attuned to the intricate habits those with beating, live hearts practiced. she liked it, oddly. it had become almost ... comforting. or maybe relaxing was the word. whatever it was, she attributed the calmness of it all to the girl now sitting below her, and that fact made their friendship (sisterhood, she'd eagerly correct!) all the more precious. “ so, then, what do you want? ” her tone's a little accusatory, a furious quirk to her brows as she bears her gaze down upon bella. “ would it make you happier if i was mad at you? for being breakable? i mean, my god, bella, i'm not a monster. the only one who isn't resigned to it is –– ” she shakes her head, gesture paired with a rolling of her eyes and an exasperated softening of her features. “ she'll be fine. she's just a bit of a crab. everyone in this family is so overdramatic. ”

[delightedendsa]

Alice  knows  what  I  want.    She  also  knows  that  it’s  practically  an  inevitability.    Because  it’s  either  that  or  I’m  dead.    And  honestly  I’d  prefer  not  to  die,    but  if  it’s  between  being  with  them  forever  and.  .  .    God.    These  morbid  thoughts  are  in  part  why  I  keep  getting  myself  in  trouble.    I’m  almost  afraid  Alice  can  read  my  thoughts  and  I  turn  away  from  her  as  if  the  movement  could  shield  those  prying,    scary  eyes.    ❝    No,    ❞  I  mumble,    picking  at  a  string  on  my  sleeve.    I  know  I’m  being  a  child  about  this.    It’s  just  that  I’m  tired  of  this  spiel.    And  I’m  tired  of  all  the  arguing  over  it,    too.    Why  does  it  have  to  be  an  argument  at  all?    ❝    Maybe  you  should  all  stop  being  overdramatic  and  just  face  the  music.    You’re  the–  The  composer.    Or  whatever.    D - don’t  you  guys,    I  don’t  know.    Talk  about  it?    Or  whatever  it  is  you  and  Edward  do.    ❞  I’m  looking  at  her  again,    a  little  bit  pleading  with  her.    ❝    Alice.    It’s  my  choice.    It  should  be.    All  of  this  would  be  so  much  easier  if  I  was  just–  ❞  A  gesture.    I  fumble  the  words,    but  I  know  she  gets  it.    ❝    You  guys  wouldn’t  have  to  worry  and  I  wouldn’t  have  to  worry  and,    in  the  end,    wouldn’t  everyone  just  be–  Fine?    ❞

[delightedendsa]

one thing i like and admire about bella is that she's gonna call you on your shit

[merryment01-deactivated20250325]

“ you're it ? don't tell me you're it . ” it wasn't a tough sell , travelling . being away from home [ what home ? the girls have fled the nest , making what's become comfortable null and void ] for long stretches , lending a seasoned ear and not totally fried mind where he can . the coffee might be sludge more often than not , but hey : at least he gets to help broaden the minds of the writers of tomorrow . “ ---- yeah , you're definitely it . ” / @delightedends

[delightedendsa]

Oh,    God.    He’s  one  of  those.    I  haven’t  even  been  in  his  presence  a  handful  of  seconds  and  I’m  regretting  it.    And  I  was  excited  to  come  to  this.    That’s  an  emotion  that’s  hard  for  me  to  feel!    Just  behind  the  frustration  and  the  annoyance  comes  disappointment.    It  rears  its  head  and  sinks  my  stomach  with  a  heavy  tip  into  the  center  of  me.    I’m  frowning.    And  I’m  definitely  not  going  to  sit  down.    ❝    Just  what  any  girl  wants  to  hear.  .  .    ❞  My  eyes  are  looking  back  for  the  exit,    gauging  if  it’s  worth  getting  a  soda  before  I  take  off.    ❝    Used  to.  .  .  what?    Don’t  tell  me  it’s  a  sexist  thing.    ❞

[rosulie]

you brace yourself as @delightedends announces that 'i've been sleeping with the lights on' : oh! how she affronts her bustling life in your face as you dwindle in the corner with the rest of them. it mustn't be easy for her, you think. living and breathing. it takes you a minute to recuperate a response but you don't know what to say. not speechless, just quiet. maybe it isn't worth talking about ... so you respond in grains of discomfort in your snarky little way. thick, platinum hair gushes in the forks breeze and you look to your right to meet her soft gaze. pretty little doe, she is. ❛❛ clearly not enough to get rid of those hideous eyebags. what, nightmares really that bad? ❜❜

[delightedendsa]

It’s  not  like  I  expected  Rosalie  to  coddle  me.    If  anything,    I  came  to  her  knowing  all  too  well  that  there  would  be  no  pity  found.    Still.    It  rubs  me  a  little  wrong  that  she  has  to  go  for  vanity  as  if  anyone  could  ever  compare  when  stood  in  a  room  with  her.    I  give  her  my  best  scowl,    something  mean  and  ugly  because  I  think  she  will  appreciate  the  contrast.    ❝    I  knew  I  could  count  on  you.    ❞  The  sarcasm  tastes  bitter.    But  I  find  myself  smiling.    She  probably  didn’t  mean  for  it  to  happen;    it’s  just  that  everything  about  this  is  kind  of  ridiculous  and  I  can’t  help  it.    ❝    Yeah.    Yeah,    they’re,    ah.    Pretty  awful.    Wish  I  didn’t  have  to  sleep.    Is  that  something  you  miss?    Sleep?    Dreaming?    Or  nightmares,    in  my  case.  .  .    ❞

[delightedendsa]

— @vasilievna: ❛ so many death dealers in one room. ❜ // ❝    Yes,    they  follow  me.    Stalkers.    ❞  All  in  good  fun,    except  that  my  voice  comes  out  flat  and  far  too  serious.    I  try  to  make  up  with  it  by  smiling,    but  the  damage  is  done.    I  am  officially  the  least  fun  person  at  this  party.    The  bad  luck  follows  me,    too.    I  look  away,    cursing  myself  and  my  stupid  sense  of  humor;    there  are  a  lot  of  eyes  and  whatever  gossip  they  funnel  around  here  might  as  well  be  set  in  stone,    no  matter  how  ridiculous.    Whatever  they  say  about  me  is  probably  the  most  accurate  slander  they  can  come  up  with.    ❝    How  do  you  handle  it?    ❞