Delivery Boy

I'm sorry ma'am, but you cannot pay for this extra sausage pizza with sex. I can't fucking believe that I have to keep saying this shit, yare yare daze. Idie RP blog for pizzaman Jotaro Kujo M!A: none. accepting.

[blindtaro]

Did I really just get fucking lectured by the pizza guy? Again?

I’m not saying I’m not gay—I am. Entirely flaming. But these wings, they—they’re not gay. They’re completely un-gay/

[deliveryjojo]

Yes. Yes, you did. You got lectured by the fucking pizza guy that gets hung upside down by the BALLS by his Grandad if he fucks up an order and thats why he's fucking stoned 24/7.

...If they were fairy wings, they'd be gay. Why couldn't you be like... Evangelion angels, those are the least gay angels ever. 

[deliveryjojo]

blindtaro replied to your post:blindtaro liked your post:Someone is stealing my...

Yep. And they’re totally not gay.

Are you really doing that "not gay" shit again? I thought you had a big epiphany; you like dick and men. Granted, there are some men without dicks and some chicks with dicks but hey, you made a discovery awhile ago.

I was the one that still needed to figure out some shit, you however. You have no excuse. We had this discussion. Don't go back on your word.

[deliveryjojo]

blindtaro liked your post:Someone is stealing my no homo schtick.

YOU--

...I didn't smoke anything today and I'm still seeing shit, you got wings and stuff. 

[deliveryjojo]

Someone is stealing my no homo schtick.

[deliveryjojo]

At least strap a dildo to the garage door you're not even fucking doing it right

[ He gets up. Pulls down his pants and whips out his massive spam porpoise--nicknamed NINJA PHANTOM COMMANDER-- and flops it on the ground. ]

[ THE GARAGE DOOR SLAMS ONTO HIS DONGUS INSTEAD. ]

[deliveryjojo]

Get the fuck off the floor asshole those pizzas aren't going to deliver themselves.

[ CAN'T HEAR YOU, HE'S HAVING THE GARAGE DOOR SLAM DOWN HARDER ONTO HIS ASS SOMEHOW. ]

[deliveryjojo]

(You get an order for 100 large pizzas.)

[ Jotaro gets up, not even bothering to hang up the phone before going to the garage--his grandfather is shouting at him to hang up the phone and give him the order, but Jotaro isn't listening. ]

[ He keeps going until he's in the garage and he does this weird sitting-lying down thing and starts to slam the garage door on his ass. ]

[hierophantweed]

[No response to his first request, of course. Just the continued sounds of monsters getting beaten up and Kakyoin freaking out because this game is just too real for him sometimes.]

[But the offer Jotaro makes freaks him out even more than the creatures on the screen. He’s frozen, not sure how to respond, hands stop mashing buttons and he watches his hunter get wheeled back to camp by a bunch of asshole cats. God dammit.]

[Did Jotaro seriously just—And did he seriously kind of—no, that was gay. There’s no way he could seriously… He did say “no homo”… But still.]

Dude… that’s… hella gay.

Anyway, I can’t come out, I gotta catch this stupid thing. Or it’s gonna… eat me or something.

[He’d been at it for hours. The same one. He’d done pretty well hunting earlier in the day, when he was more sober, but by now, well. It would probably be a miracle if he could pull off a capture quest.]

[deliveryjojo]

[ No response. Or at least, he didn't get a response until later, and it wasn't one that he--or Kakyoin's mom--would accept. He didn't really care about the lack of dick sucking though, that's gay. ]

[ What a dick. ]

...Isn't that what the pause button is for?  Shit man, at least open the door. Air out your fucking room for a minute, your mom is freaking out. For some reason.

[hierophantweed]

[The sounds of Monster Hunter 3 can be heard from his room, along with the occasional screams of terror that seem to coincide with monsters roaring. Any observer would realize this has been going on for a good three days now with only occasional sleep and food breaks.]

[The door is closed, but the words “OH GOD THERE’S A LAGIACRUS IN HERE HELP ME JOTARO” can probably be heard throughout the house, and by the neighbors.]

[deliveryjojo]

[ HE WAS ON A MISSION...because this nerd's mom asked him to get Kakyoin out of his room. He tries not to laugh at the sound of the other screaming inside the room. Wow. ]

Dumbass, get out of there. 

[ There's a thought that comes to mind while he waits. Nah, he can't say that, that would be gay. But, if it meant getting his best friend out of the room... it was a risk he was willing to take.  ]

Ｉ’ＬＬ　ＳＵＣＫ　ＹＯＵＲ　ＤＩＣＫ　ＩＦ　ＹＯＵ　ＣＯＭＥ　ＯＵＴ　ＯＦ　ＹＯＵＲ　ＲＯＯＭ，　ＭＡＮ．　ＮＯ　ＨＯＭＯ．

[blindtaro]

Well, no, I just—girls kind of… I mean… I guess it should’ve, but I just… fuck. I dunno. I thought I just wasn’t interested in girls sexually. Then again, the idea of being with a girl romantically still… I dunno, it freaks me out?

God. I like to think I’m smart, and yet I only just now figured this out. This is a new low for me.

[deliveryjojo]

Well sex and feelings and stuff are all confusing, I wouldn't blame you for just figuring this shit out now. Don't beat yourself up over it, dude. 

You should like.. go get all the dick you want though. I got thinking to do.

[blindtaro]

Dude, I just thought that meant I liked dicks, I didn’t think that made me gay. And the fifth one I don’t even think I’ll be able to get. For a while, anyway.

… god, I don’t know. I feel like this makes sense, but… really?

I can’t believe I’m fucking gay and I never realized it. Oh my god.

[deliveryjojo]

...Did the thing about you not being interested in girls not tip you off? Like, that would have been the thing that tipped me off, and I'm high. A lot.

Congratulations, one of us has figured shit out.

[blindtaro]

…

[He has to count on his fingers for a few minutes.]

Uh, four. Other dudes who haven’t, uh… one. Yes and yes.

…

Oh my god, I’m gay.

[deliveryjojo]

That's... a lot of fucking dicks, bro. That's five dicks that you either want to have or have had in your bootyhole. 

How does that make you feel? Again, nothing wrong with being gay. Or bisexy person that likes dudes a lot more, but I think you might be gay. Hella gay. 

[blindtaro]

NO. NO, NO, OKAY? I’M NOT FUCKING GAY.

I MIGHT… LIKE A GUY OR TWO IN THAT WAY, YEAH, BUT… no. Not gay, I don’t… I don’t think. It’s not like I’m saying I’m straight or anything. I’m pretty sure I’m definitely not straight.

… so, wait. You love him, but you don’t love him? What sense does that make? I mean, do you love him like platonically or what?

[deliveryjojo]

How many dicks have you had in your ass? How many other dudes, whose dicks weren't in your ass, you wanted their dicks in your butt? Do you think about dicks going in your butt a lot? Do you think about dicks a lot? 

Yeah, platonic. Whatever. The kind of love you'd usually feel towards your family or close friends. 

[blindtaro]

No, man. I’d know if I was gay. A-And it’s not like I don’t like women, I just… I’m not interested. And if I tried doing any of the shit that I do with guys with women, I’d probably die of a heart attack.

Yeah, that’s pretty gay, dude. I mean, have you ever thought about him in any other way that didn’t have anything to do with sex? Or are you fine with that whole sort of “friends with benefits” thing?

[deliveryjojo]

...That's kind of...

You got some stuff to figure out, that's cool. We can both be confused, you keep doing what you're doing. I'm alright when it comes to my waifu, I'd love her no matter what her body might be. 

I like spending time with him. I dunno if it's like that though. I love him but I don't love him, you know? He's my bro. I have no idea, dude. 

[blindtaro]

Sounds like it.

What? Hey, shut up. Just because I like to take it up the ass doesn’t make me gay. Sure, I might not have… been with a girl, or had a girl do anything like that to me, but… a-and I might not… have a lot of interest in ladies, but… I’m not gay.

Well, did it or didn’t it? Be honest. If it’s Kakyoin, I wouldn’t blame you—I mean, y’know. Subjectively.

[deliveryjojo]

...I think you might be, dude. Don't be a dick that gives me shit for saying that I'm not gay or something when you're doing the same thing. Do you like ladies at all? Is that why you haven't been with a lady?

I think I gave him a handy once before. We were both stoned as shit though and he was some monster that I think we only saw because of the weed. And fine, yeah. Once or twice. More recently than anything. 

[blindtaro]

… christ. You guys are kind of stupid.

Well, if the lady was a lady 24/7, I dunno. If you’re the one taking it, but if she’s not a dude, I don’t think it’s that gay? It’d have to be the real thing for it to be gay, I think. Then again, I’m not gay, so.

… well, I mean, do you guys think about boning each other all the time, or? Because if it was just a one time thing, you might not be entirely homo.

[deliveryjojo]

Weed kills. American dudes are stupid.

...So you take a bunch of dicks up the ass then tell me that you're not gay? Did you ever put it in a lady? Did a lady ever put it in your butt? Do you like ladies at all? You're sending mixed signals. We both have shit we need to sort out, here. 

...And it might have crossed my mind. Maybe. Not saying that it did though. That'd be gay--Shit. 

[blindtaro]

WHO EVEN RATIONALLY THINKS THAT? HOW FUCKING HIGH DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO THINK THAT A COUPLE OF WORDS CAN JUST MAKE SOMETHING NOT GAY?

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. LISTEN. TAKE IT FROM A GUY WHO’S HAD QUITE A FEW DICKS SHOVED UP HIS ASS IN HIS TIME.

IF YOU LIKED IT, IT’S GAY.

BUT SINCE YOU’RE NOT A GUY RIGHT NOW, IT’S HARD TO TELL.

I’D ASK YOUR KAKYOIN ABOUT IT, BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH OF AN ANSWER YOU’LL GET OUT OF HIM.

[deliveryjojo]

ME, KAKYOIN AND OTHER DUDES IN OUR CLASS. MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE.

THAT MAKES SENSE... but if you were getting it up the butt from a lady, would that still be gay? IS IT GAY THAT I'D TAKE IT UP THE ASS FOR MISATO KATSURAGI?

...He wouldn't know shit, he's probably panicking about this bullshit at his house right now. BUT IF WHAT YOU SAY IS RIGHT, THEN WE'RE A BUNCH OF HOMOS.