Entry #1: Dear Love by Delphi
Dear Love,
I still love you. You are still a part of me. I know that my soul is profoundly made out of you. You make me feel something when I look at the moon or when I stare at the ocean. You make me want to take pictures of the sunset or of my family and friends. You make me look at the mirror and realize how far I’ve already gotten. Two years of healing and so many more to go.
To love another person is a dangerous thing to do. You risk heartbreak, you risk betrayal, you risk experiencing pain.
However, loving the idea of a person and the idea of a connection is lethal. You risk heartbreak, you risk betrayal, you risk experiencing pain. But perhaps the worst thing: you risk the realization that everything you thought the person was, they in fact aren’t. You risk feeling like an idiot. Like you brought this heartbreak upon yourself. You can’t point at the other person anymore once you realize. It’s all on you.
I have quite a habit of making other people’s problems mine, which I realize now might’ve extended into making other people’s mistakes my mistakes. And while writing this, I am now fully seeing how stupid and egocentric that really is. I know why I do it. It’s to feel a sense of control, which means I can do something about it. Nevertheless when it comes to the person that I am writing about, no matter how hard my brain tries to make it my responsibility, at the end of the day it was his.
It’s not my fault that I got excited over something that I never have experienced before and always wanted to experience, which is falling in love with someone romantically. I can only learn to check my own judgment and perhaps adjust it based on the lessons that I am learning as I’m writing this to you, dear Love.
But dear Love, I don’t know what to do with myself right now, yet I have so many ideas of what I could do. Dear Love, there is a bittersweet aftertaste in my mouth. Dear Love, why did his embrace feel so good?
Dear Love, I know there is nothing you or anyone could say or do that could instantly make me feel better. Dear Love, I understand now that loving is an act of courage. Loving is an act of bravery. Of looking at all the ways you could be shattered to pieces once again and still going for it. Dear Love, I see now that loving is an art and the act of creating art is inherently loving.
So I will practice on myself. I will create the art I want to see. I will embody you while looking in the mirror and blow myself a kiss. Every day, I will try to smile brighter. I will try to love despite the pain. I will try to keep my heart open despite the hurt. I will try to be gentle with myself. I will try to love again for eternities on end. I will try, dear Love.
songs i channeled while writing:
Build Me Up by Cleo Sol
in my head by Ariana Grande
Everything is romantic by Charli xcx
Rise by Solange
W.A.Y.S. by Jhené Aiko
555 888 999
note: hi! i hope you enjoyed this poem/entry of mine. if you would like to give me your thoughts or feedback on it, don’t be afraid to leave a comment! have a lovely day/night <3
