oh god okay she doesn't know i have this blog, im pretty sure, but if she finds this im probably and most definetly dead and i will have ruined our friendship forever.
Okay so basically i have this ex that I dated for around half a year last year and now we're sorta friends and stuff and we've both moved on and its pretty chill between us.
Except
I still feel this certain level of closeness with him. No, I don't like him, and yes, I'm over him, but its just that, at one point, I loved him to hell and back, and i can't forget that. We've both dated other people after we broke up, and i'm still dating someone btw. It didn't bother me then. Maybe it was because i wasn't close to the other girl? i don't know, but i was actually pretty happy for them, and we used to give each other advice on stuff and it was nice. (He's single rn btw and he said he didn't wanna date for a while.) But now, this really like, gives me a sick feeling in my stomach whenever i think of them together.
*takes deep breath*
i think its because i relate to her on a certain level and i wholeheartedly believe that she is an amazing person, and I also see quite a few similarities between me and her, and i dunno, i just feel like, if they do end up together, I wouldn't be able to take it, wouldn't be able to watch them laugh together or hold hands or have a better relationship than i did with him. And i definetly won't be able to talk with her about her relationship then. I would just feel a gaping feeling of what we could have been, if only i had been enough to keep him, which I wasn't.
And i would slowly start disliking her as well i guess, because that's just how psychology works. I don't want that to happen. I just don't.
I'm happy rn with who i am, and i do not want to date that guy again, but i just, *exhales* i don't know. I just don't think I'd be okay with that. But then again, its not my decision.
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