ok i’m just going to let it all out here. btw i’m sorry for all the inbox messages i’ve been ignoring and being inactive!! (been a tough couple of weeks) i don’t really know how to express this feeling i have but i’m sad. i don’t know what uni is doing to me but this is not like me at all. just bluntly crying out of the blue in mid day or any time really, it’s just i feel bad for myself? for putting myself in this position but i can’t help my feelings. just feeling utter shit and sad when studying. i’ve been to uni before (diploma) and it was great. but now, i’m doing a degree in the uk and it’s all so different. it was amazing at first (first term) all laughs and giggles. and now. NOW. now (different term) i feel sad. i feel like i’m never going out from this… and it’s truly an awful feeling. and i just feel not content (its honestly the VERY FIRST TIME that i feel like this????!!! it’s so weird guys i don’t know how to explain but never in a million years would i think i would end up feeling the way i feel now) i feel lonely even when i’m surrounded by all these amazing people. yes, i have amazing friends here, but it’s not the same. study is basically 24/7 now (im exagerating but yknow what i mean) and the thing is, i’m not one to usually feel like this i promise you, cause usually i’m so positive, i take any bullshit and i make it work, i take hardships well, i take hard times well, cause i never let any negative thoughts get to me. but this term, it truly feels like shit. i miss my friends (in my home country). i miss my family. i miss the feeling of laughing stupidly w my old friends. i just want to be like before. i want to be like the old, happy me. but i’m taking baby steps to becoming that self again.. i’m joining new things just to get my head off things.. and such. maybe it’s just the uni degree transition stress thats kicking in. i don’t know who resonates with this but i just hope you know, your feelings are valid and you’re not alone in any of this. i love you and im virtually hugging all of you.
and please don’t take this the wrong way. i’m posting this because i just had to let it out there. or else it’ll just eat me up alive.
