I’ll join you in your Barbie dream house with another delusional idea. Spider is Ewya-blessed much earlier before Way of Water and he gets the idea of moving out of Hell’s Gate to travel the world and maybe settle down somewhere. He’ll still visit his siblings, but he’s tired of being treated like an invasive species and maybe this way…Neytiri will finally have some peace. He’s already got his ikran and only has a few days to pack before he’s gone. During those few days, Neytiri is watching him pack his things. She should be happy and maybe she is but that happiness quickly gives way to a feeling of deep dread because she overheard him saying that he’s never coming back. Hearing that angers her for some reason. She’s so angry and the anger coupled with dread feels even worse. Confronting him is a mess with her telling him that he has everything he could ever want HERE not out THERE.
She might even start angrily unpacking his bags causing Spider to get a little annoyed. “Hey… Hey! Stop that!” He tries taking back his satchel, but Neytiri shoots him a glare that makes him freeze. “You know what? Fine. Keep it. It’s not like we’ll ever see each other again.” Cue him storming out, but Neytiri pulls him back towards her. I dunno just Neytiri coming to terms with how much she loves this boy during the process of him moving out and tries (and succeeds) in stopping him.
she was SO hoping to finally be at peace... only to actually be going slightly mad, because what do you mean the fragile, tiny, weak little human (she does not see his blessing. in both an insolent way, and the way a mother never truly stops seeing her babies as babies) is leaving her nest so soon? she never wanted him there to begin with, but it has woven around him, he is part of its structure now. who will make Kiri smile and keep her tethered to the ground? who will Lo'ak go to when his father is too strict, and she and Neteyam are too Na'vi, and Kiri is too lost in her mind, and Tuk is too young to help? who will force Neteyam to be the child when she forgets to tell him, and Jake forgets at all? who will watch Tuk when she is too small to follow the others? how will she take up all the places he fills in her family?
how will she know he is safe? sure, she never liked him much. but he had been so small the first few years he played amongst her children. tiny. fragile. and 15 years of peace is a long time. eventually, part of her, untouched by war, who was simply a mother, a caregiver, saw how small he was, and worried. his cry alerted her ears just as quickly as her own children's, before she realizes who's throat it came from. the sight of a bloodied knee had her reaching for a salve before she could even say a word, and soon she kept one that wouldn't burn his skin right by the entrance of the mauri, next to the one for her children, and she knew the difference by feel alone (she tells herself it's so he will stop crying quicker and she does not have to hear it. that's it's just easier. not actual care). she worried about that mask breaking, or slipping off his face, or failing all together. she had counted his head with the rest of her childrens. and ensured there was fruit cut that he could eat (she didn't want to hear any whining, she told herself. from him or her children. mainly her children. why fight it when she could just save herself time?)
sure, when the war returned, her shell hardened and her claws sharpened and she wanted him far far away.
but 15 years and 2 are vastly different. one is scared instinct, while the other, the former, that is muscle memory.
she hates that he is near. but she'll never stop worrying about him, deep somewhere in her being.
so the idea of him being gone? out in the world? alone? no. no she will not have it. just like she would not allow the same of any of her children.
fear turns to anger. how could he leave? leave her children? leave her to worry over him? he's selfish for that. surely. or... or... bold. over confident. foolish. something, anything that justifies the ache in her chest that isn't her own guilt and worry sticking to her heart like tar.
and Spider is so mad when she tries to stop him, cause he knows he'd be weak to even the slightest touch of motherly affection. he knows that if he does not draw her anger, and she softens even an inch, he will falter. this is all he's ever longed for. more then freedom. more then Eywa's blessing. more then to see the world.
he always wanted a mother.
and she's tugging at his stuff. tugging him away from his ikran, trying to shoo him away, hissing when the creature shrieks at her.
"you will stay, because I say so. because you... you are not allowed"
"why? didn't you want to get rid of me all this time?!"
and she thinks, and thinks, and thinks. because... yes. yes she had. until she had to think of what that really meant.
"you... you are foolish to leave. you will destroy everything. destroy my children. going yourself into danger for no reason. I will not let your insanity kill you." the grip she has on his arm is not kind. it's bruising. but maybe her thumb flutters once or twice in a way that's nearly comforting.
"... that's not fair" and his voice is cracking, he won't look at her, "you can't... hate me. and make me want to run away, for you, my whole life... and then tell me I can't leave."
she's still holding his items. a bow she never taught him to use, and yet, she knows he shoots like her. a shawl made of materials that were beneath her, when she knew he could make beautiful works if he felt like he was allowed. his spare blade is tied to the top of his pack, it looks strikingly like her own. it's a child's pack. he wasn't prepared to fly.
"you will stay." and she pushes him back toward the mauri. "you will stay in my sight until I deliver you to Norm myself."
"... fine." he swallows, "but I'm leaving. eventually."
things don't really change. outside of maybe... maybe she lets him stay for dinner every now and then.
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