[denviebalidoy]

[denviebalidoy]

6 months ago, I wrote something about being a full-time vegetarian. Life happened and there were lots of transitions here and there so it didn't happen until 3 months later. It's not easy now that my work requires 80% travel. I try to discover more and more dishes I can make on my own. What's your favorite vegetarian meal?

[denviebalidoy]

There was a church across the bank I was just in. It was right below the bridge I had to cross.

A few steps going up, I was totally convinced that I am more than inappropriate wearing loose shirt and quite short shorts. I decided I’ll light a candle instead - but there were too many colors to choose from and it was too busy with someone in her huge white gown about to get married.

[denviebalidoy]

Mugtong mga mata

Kailan ka huling umiyak? Nung iniwan ka ba ng kasintahan mo Nung dumating ang regla mo O nung sinabi nia sayong hindi ka nia gusto Ilang luha ba ang pumatak nung hindi nadagdagan ang allowance mo O nung maiwan ka ng tren kung kailan late ka na sa trabaho O yung araw na hindi mo inabot ng lipad ng eroplano Gaano kahirap pigilin ang hikbi nung wala ka ng trabaho dahil endo Yung maubusan ka ng kainin sa kaldero O nung matapos yung korean drama na sinusubaybayan mo O nung makita ng mga mata mong barilin ang tatay mo dahil daw sa shabu O nung malaman mo na ang tito mong binubuno ang sentensya sa preso, niyurak-yurakan lang ang pagkatao Tahan na Tahan na Naiiyak na din ako.

[denviebalidoy]

In most times, she still get startled with friends asking when she's going back in town, the thing is she's been back since months ago but she's always been restless and kept her choreo. She cram in as much as she could between travels and the days she's back in her cave. She thinks she had a lot to make up during her attempt to make a small difference in the world and sleeping her ass off on cold airport seats.

[denviebalidoy]

Sa gabing tahimik Kung saa’y hilik lang ang ingay sa paligid

Kung kailan ang bawat pagbaling sa kama o ang buntong hininga ay kagyat na gagambala sa mga tenga. 

Kumakapa sa kadiliman, at pumupungas pa ang mga mata, Nasa gitna ba ng panaginip o nagtutulog-tulugang pilit? 

[denviebalidoy]

I may have overly romanticized going to certain places that I kept on delaying it for that special moment only to realize now that I just lost the “magic” altogether. 

[denviebalidoy]

A year and some months ago, in between my regular choreo, I decided to move to this “permanent” home. I knew the girl from two doors away who happened to be a former colleague and Ate Agnes, the caretaker whom I’d borrow bike from on weekends when I wanted a quiet afternoon by the sea.

First few weekends were spent on coffee shops in downtown or in my room watching whatever series I have on file or join Mimai on Muay Thai. Months later, people from the other rooms tried inviting the “new weird girl with eyeglasses” for dinner. In the dark corner near the construction site of the new rooms being built, they grilled pork for sisig and then there were plenty other food and lots of stories and getting to know exchanges. That’s when I realized I am never eating dinner alone again.

Group breakfast became a routine. Someone will bring coffee packs and someone is assigned to the water heater until there’s enough hot cup for everyone. Then someone thought badminton was a good idea. So it became “everyone-wake-each-other-up mornings” We’d rearrange the cars in the parking lot (keys collected from the night before) so we can play. Then we decided to up our game and play in a real court with rules and a score sheet. I know nothing about badminton and I hardly give my opponent a sweat. Not even sure why I even try but it’s all fun.

Then the beach trips, last full shows, more coffee sessions in the morning, unplanned midday meet ups for lunch, parties and refugee nights. I still couldn’t figure out to this day how we’re able to fit 8 people in a tiny room and how we managed to sleep in loud snores.

I’d complain about how I am always being forced to shower and how everyone, in one way or another, has love-hate relationship with my cooking. Id like to think that it’s mostly love and that they’re just being their usual bully mode so they complain. (But eats everything anyway)

Being sick while living alone and your family is an hour flight away, ultimately tested my strong, independent womanhood but amazing people alternately checking on me and making sure I have food and I drink meds on time makes breaking my walls all worth it. And actually, I needed no walls. Because everyone, literally and figuratively, would go out of their way for everyone. You don’t get such kind of love all the time.

It has been a tradition to have birthday surprises. Be it in ungodly hour in the morning- wake up calls or midnight-we’re -singing-happy-birthday-kind-of-knock.

And tonight I’m feeling extra cheesy because as I open my door, the universe gave me a glimpse of the lovely moon and friends went above and beyond and decorated the scene with a rainbow cake (and some seafood i’m totally allergic to) and an outdoor movie experience that’s way too cool.

I suck at goodbyes and I totally scorned the idea of send off parties because you know, leaving and/or being left behind is sad no matter how you put it.

But I guess what I just really want to say is, I’m grateful to have met you in this lifetime. So, thank you! We may, or may not see each other again but all the stories, lessons and love will be carried forward onto my new destination, wherever that is.

[denviebalidoy]

Going full-time veggie

Mid last month, I think, I may have developed some sort of allergies. Right after having chicken for dinner, my left arm go so itchy. It started with a small patch of tiny spots that can almost be mistaken as prickly heat rashes so it didn’t really bothered me that much until it spread on my right arm and then it replaced by purpuric rashes few days later. Went to the doctor twice that week to have it checked. No tests done, just a quick glance at my rashes and viola! I was told it was allergy to something. Aside from anti histamines, I was given a long list of food I should avoid. 

3 of my younger brothers all have/had cases of asthma as a child and Kuya is allergic to seafoods and has allergic rhinitis, too. So historically, I am just as susceptible to developing one.  

I am never comfortable with taking medicines so it came to a shock when my doctor prescribed that I take anti histamines for 2 months as maintenance. I took it for a week and stopped but I did avoid certain foods. There were times I’d forget and rashes appear. It’s not itchy but it  still bothers me.

I’m still not sure when I’d get a chance to fly back to Manila so I can have this checked by a more reliable doctor who’d hopefully look into me having blood tests and whatever is appropriate but in the meantime, my remedy is to go back to vegetarian diet.

My whole family was on veggie diet (lacto- ovo) about 8 years ago. Papa was sick that time but the doctors couldn’t provide a clear diagnosis so the parentals decided we change our eating lifestyle instead. We snack on sweetcorn and sweet potato and we won’t even eat biscuits or have flavored drinks. 

I’m totally fine with this since I’m never fond of pork or even beef but I think the greatest challenge is pulling this off when I don’t have a proper kitchen in my pad. I just gave up my fridge since it was taking space and I’m always out (so I have to turn if off) anyway. 

There are certain stigmas associated to this kind of diet. While I and my family adapted it for health reasons, some choose this out of ethical reasons. Production of meat and dairy products are said to cause animal suffering. It also consumes more land and water resources than farming greens. 

People say that being vegetarian is expensive. Surely, when you see prices of salads in any restaurant it don’t come cheap. BUT vegetarian diet isn’t really about eating salad and salad alone. Although vegetarian options for most Filipino restaurants are sometimes limited to chopsuey and/or stir fried kangkong. There’s so much more options out there.I just really need to find time for slow cooking and explore the public market more often.

I don’t see many blogs dedicated to pinoy vegetarian options so I guess the point of this blog is to feature recipes using ingredients realistically available and accessible to common pinoys. 

Will you consider this diet, too? Join me in my journey! xx

[denviebalidoy]

De-cluttering, self care and mindfulness

One day, just before I shut my door off to go to work,  I decided to take a snap of my ukelele. Just before my short jeepney ride came to end, I was already selling it. Shortly after, I did the same thing for my bike and the desk lamp, giving away my unused notebooks, pens, and all the others. 

I was disposing every excess stuff I own including the fridge I just bought few days ago. I’m not even sure why, a spur of the moment thing - but it felt liberating, like it was some sort of detox.  

Until I got a call from a friend asking me why I was doing all these. He even assumed that I’m already moving out (another possibility but really, no) 

Another friend even called me out for posting “last ride”  saying that it’s not a good thing to say and that I need to be extra careful when outside. I think he was being very superstitious and he thought I was going to die. Well, I almost got into an accident, twice on my way to deliver my bike to it’s new owner. 

When I moved to this new city, more than a year ago, It was just me, my big luggage bag, a back pack and a rice cooker -- my parents insisted I should bring.

As time passes by, I collected things and baggage of unresolved emotions. I started with black, white and grey shirts (plus the mandatory reds, of course) in rotation and in between breakdown, usually at  lunch time by the sea shore near the office. 

I wasn’t homesick. I was almost sure I had depression. 

I wouldn’t talk to people about it (except for my best friend) whom I would ask for a therapist recommendation over and over. 

My pragmatic self did all sorts of self-made therapy I could think of. In the middle of half-functioning, trying to survive day by day, I tried mapping this and I ended up writing about 2014. I had to write it because I have no one to talk to. And even if I did, I’m pretty sure I’ll end up just masking some parts of it. 

It sure did help. When I finally had the chance to a professional help, I was told to take it easy and to stop being hard on myself. And that I needed to heal on my own pace and there were no shortcuts. 

But being my usual self, I even argued that maybe, we’ve been confusing self love with procrastination - that maybe, we've been using it over and over as an excuse for self entitlements. 

I am better now, I think. I started planting again and have been reunited with my muse so I slowly started taking photos again. I’m not sure if it was because of that weird hypno-therapy shiz or that major de-cluttering I just did. And maybe I’ll miss my road bike soon (i’ll probably cry again) but for now, I feel so much better.  I hope you are, too. 

[denviebalidoy]

On being a humanitarian

It was a decent looking boat carrying us to Gigantes. I decided to sit at the fore front to enjoy solitude, while everyone else chit chat while sitting on the wooden bench in the middle, for this more than two-hour ride on the waves of Panay.

The first hour was manageable and the scene was rewarding, until the first splash of giant waves hit so hard onto my face. We all started laughing, and there came the second, third, fourth, until I stopped counting.

The memories from two years ago came before my eyes in an instant. Two years ago, I braved this same frantic body of water in search of an interesting story of people slowly getting back on their feet a year after Typhoon Haiyan took away everything but their hopes for a better life.   

I was traveling with a photographer we commissioned to capture these stories. From someone with zero skills on swimming, it was the most dangerous field work I had in this career. There were three of us including the man maneuvering the rubber boat against the angry waves of Gigantes. The rubber boat was just a small one, enough to carry the three of us and our respective bags filled with laptops and camera equipment and a gallon of diesel. I only had the rope which were tied on the side of the boat to hold on to, while my right hand finds grip on the wooden plank we were seated on.

I was fighting the urge to fall asleep as the wind hit against my face while staring at the seemingly never ending view of the sea, when our boatman suddenly told us about this beautiful salt water lagoon located on the other side of the island. We had a very limited time so I never got to see its beauty then.

When we arrived in Barangay Asluman, we were greeted by a bunch of school children who instantly flocked their way, seemingly amused at our tiny boat. I interviewed some of the families and learned that life was already hard even before Haiyan came. They lost everything and aid didn’t arrive until almost a month later. Their means is barely enough make ends meet. It was heartbreaking. I wished to have had more time to listen  to their stories but we had to leave quickly because our boat wouldn’t be able to withstand treacherous waves in the afternoon.

While it was death defying for me my amazing colleagues in this part of the country do this every single day. These humanitarian heroes make sure the most vulnerable of our kababayan have access to proper sanitation and proper toilet. They make sure families living in hard to reach areas are provided with information and proper skills to prepare them in the event of another disaster.

Some of my colleagues even risk their lives, working in war-torn places where office windows need to be bullet-proof, or where your life is at risk by simply being a woman.  

This sector just like any other industry definitely has its flaws. A lot has been said about the efficacy of the intertional and local aid being provided, the prejudices, expenditures and many others.

But more than these issues, I couldn’t be any prouder that because of the work we do more children are able get better access to education, more families are better secured of their livelihood.

Working with dedicated colleagues and seeing children smile are more than enough consolation for frequently being away from family and friends and for always being in the frontline of disasters.

And now that La Niña is coming, the organization I work with continues to collaborate with these families in the Island barangays of Gigantes. We have repaired their houses and restored their water systems after Super Typhoon Yolanda, but I can only hope that those were enough, and that they are now well-equipped should there be another one. 

I guess, no one can really tell, but one thing is for sure, all humanitarian heroes will make sure no one is left behind.

  Every year on August 19, we celebrate World Humanitarian Day to celebrate the spirit that inspires humanitarian work around the world.  This is a day designated by the United Nations General Assembly dedicated to aid workers who risk their lives in humanitarian service and mobilizes people to advocate for humanitarian action. Events are being held around the world to celebrate the theme “One Humanity.”

*Also featured in Subselfie 

[denviebalidoy]

In one of the trainings I attended about 4 months ago, they made us write a letter to our future self. Mine arrived today just in time when I needed a little pep talking.

[denviebalidoy]

I'm an hour early for my appointment so I sit patiently in the corner just beside this Quiet Zone sign when an old man walked past me. "Good morning, young lady. What are you doing here?" "I have a scheduled session here" and I gave an awkward smile. He looks at the door and read 'Center for psychology services..' "Oh! Who's crazy? You or them?" A gentle tap on my head and he said "Take it easy, okay?" I nod to agree and he went ahead. A few steps later he came back to me and told me a story of an 8 year old who called a psychiatrist. "Hello? Is this the crazy doctor?" "Yes, I am the crazy doctor" "How much do charge per hour?" "A hundred dollars" "Oh I'm not that crazy. Bye"

[denviebalidoy]

Kung bakit ang magsasaka’y walang sariling lupang masaka

Ang bata sa kanayunan na gustong maka-apak sa paaralan

ngunit piko at palakol ang tangan-tangan.

Na kung kalian maraming nagugutom

Ay siya ring pahirap ng kalikasan sa pagpapahintulot ng ulan.

Sugal sa kamatayan para lang sa kalayaan.

Kalayaan sa kahirapan, kagutuman at kabalintunaan.

[denviebalidoy]

TAXI 

The universe didn't fail to give all the warnings I need to be reminded how bad the traffic situation in the city is but I procrastinated anyway. Should have left by 6 but still drooling at 8 in the morning. Family knew it wasn't best to put me in my comfortable bed. Should've insisted to squat on the couch, like the usual.

I was surprisingly calm the cab driver just offered me candy as submission or maybe frustration that well, I was, well... damn calm about how likely I am missing my flight. 

AIRPORT

I was being my introvert self - being shy and awkward having to walk to a sea of people also waiting for their flights. Alas! Found a spot! 

A power outlet is what I needed - distraction from necessary human interaction and well, of course, get some work done. I did an amazing job being on holiday and was clearly not minding any work, and now my plate is so full, it can feed an entire starving nation! 

There was an announcement I couldn't care less about. Maybe a flight delay? Change of gate?  But I am pretty sure my flight is not in 4 hours from now. Afterall, the plane I am supposed to be in, just left. 

But the noise was too annoying it made me lift my head up, my eye almost instantly, headed towards your direction and I think I just caught you looking my way, too.

*Revisited my drafts folder and saw this. This must’ve been written around September 2015

[denviebalidoy]

Notes from Room 428

Being sick is hard and it’s even more difficult when you’re miles away from family. But if you’re lucky, your amazing friends will take turns in bringing you food and medicines in between their work schedules.

Hospital food is awful. Unless you mistakenly eat the food the ones intended for your companion then it becomes tolerable.

I once heard the theory about how you’re most likely to meet your death before your birthday. Scared the shit of me. 

There’s nothing more frustrating than the pain you had to endure while they put meds straight up your nerves. So painful that you’ll demand another meds as pain reliever. Medception. 

Frequent trips to the toilet dragging my IV and its stand made me realize how convenient diapers are. I never got to use one but will definitely consider for next time.

Making jokes in your head while someone performs ultrasound onto your stomach is never a good idea. You’ll end up being stupid laughing all throughout the session and pretending to be tickled by the gel doesn’t work all the time.

And on jokes – I think I just pulled off one of the best prank I can ever do with a friend. Except that I already started laughing before I can even crack the joke. Heh.

Me: *exiting the ultrasound room on a wheelchair, smiling from ear to ear* Male friend: *confused* why?? Me: Congrats!! It’s a boy!  Male friend: . . . 

[denviebalidoy]

In Transit 20 April, 2016

You find your seat number as written on that piece of paper that lady from the counter has given you. Your seatbelts on, you close your eyes.

And the next thing is waking up to the tap of the person beside you and you realize everyone is rushing as the doors open from the both ends of the plane.

You’re supposed to sit your ass off on another flight but you delay it for a momentary bliss brought by having lunch with family and seeing your dogs—even if it means enduring a good 3 hours’ worth of being stuck on a bus ride.  

Despite being groggy because you woke up illegally early for the day, you spend the afternoon trying to catch up on friends—then another set at night then just like that it’s almost midnight so you try to get back home as fast as you could. Just when you’re about to set an alarm for the next 1.5 hours or so left for you to rest, there comes the message from the driver  saying he’s right outside your gate to bring you to the airport again – then repeat.