“You call it angry, I call it scratching at myself until my skin tears. Lava boiling inside of me, like I’m about to snap any moment. Like I don’t have control over myself and I just want to hurt something. I call it shaky hands. I call it grinding my teeth together. Punching my thighs until they are covered in bruises. I call it screaming until my throat bleeds. You call it sad, I call it laying in my bed for two days, unable to eat. Crying until my eyes are swollen shut. Accepting the fact I am disgusting, worthless, unlovable. I call it taking ativan until I am so numb I forget I want to kill myself. I call it unable to talk, sleep, unable to function. You call it happy, I call it madly in love. Like I’m floating above everything. Nothing can hurt anymore. I call it giggling nonstop. Telling people I’m better now. Bragging about how flawless I am. I call it a rush of pure fulfilment. You call them emotions, I call them drowning. Because nothing is ever in between. I’m all or nothing. I don’t know any middles. Everything I feel is so strong it could knock me off my feet. I call it going from suicidal to content in an hour. I call it fucking exhausting.”
— Living with borderline personality (via healingx)
